I agree, the JEP being a bit squalid here, nothing new

http://jerseyeveningpost.com/news/2015/01/02/st-peter-vicar-resigns-after-affair/

I don't agree with the diocese covering up for and protecting abusers at the expense of victims or people hurt by the abuse, but I do agree with the comments that this could have been kept private, for decency's sake, especially the naming of the lady involved.
The Vicar may well leave Jersey, but the lay reader is less likely to, so what becomes of her? Will she be shamed in the small and closed community of the Jersey churches, just as I was for reporting the churchwarden? Will she be hated for 'losing them their Vicar' as Jersey is old fashioned?
If you are named in the paper like that, on a small island like Jersey, it can make your life hell.

The Vicar came from the UK, but a lay reader is more likely to be a longer term resident, although that is just a guess. It seems all wrong to name the reader, or indeed, why did the matter make the news, couldn't a decent quiet stepping down of both parties have been arranged?
I mean, when it comes to abuse, that is what the Diocese of Winchester tend to arrange, isn't it? Is an affair really worse than child abuse?

Well, as far as the church are concerned, autism, psychological damage from childhood, poverty and being naive are all worse than abuse and abusers, hence them branding me and having me imprisoned while they protected my abusers and their supporters, hence them publishing a report slandering me and spewing my personal life internationally so I was slandered by strangers, but the same wasn't done to my abusers and their supporters.

One of my earliest experiences of the Diocese of Winchester was JM's Benefice administor running of with a woman from the Diocesan Headquarters and leaving his wife alone, dying of cancer.
The fact that these were people in Church positions was bad enough, but the fact it was all excused was worse, followed swiftly by our youth leader being found guilty of paedophilia, and also excused, and called a 'good man really' despite the fact that child abuse ruins lives.
The church shouldn't excuse the inexcusable, they should not cover up to the point they harm people, they shouldn't condone wrong, but they also shouldn't allow the business of vulnerable people or their employees to be spewed round the press, as they did in the Korris report. The Church of England are a bit topsy-turvy.

Regarding the Jersey Vicar and his affair, he is indeed supposed to be setting an example to his flock, and he has got it wrong, and that will affect him for the rest of his life, likewise the lay reader, but that is between them and God.
Pray for them and for the Vicar's wife, this must be catastrophic for her, to find out and to see it in the papers.

a letter of complaint

Dear Bishop Dakin,

I am writing for several reasons, 

1.Is that the inaccurate cover up known as the Korris report is still circulating and defaming me, and you are legally responsible for it's circulation and the harm it has done and is doing.

2. Is that sitting waiting for you to destroy me with your whitewashes is telling very badly on my health now and I am being crippled by it, when, if it wasn't for you and your diocese, my life would be paradise, albeit paradise in poverty. You are putting my life and health in danger.

3. Is that you and your diocese have never dealt with my complaints, no whitewash cover up unprofessional or inaccurate reports are an answer to my complaint, from Korris to Bailhache to the illegal Jersey safeguarding whitewash you arranged with the chair of Jersey safeguarding to the Gladwin whitewash mark 2 -Chichester report having been exposed as a cover up.

4. I have asked for an independent investigation, why has that not been answered? Independent means outside the church, which Korris, Steel, Gladwin, etc, are not. And again, the massive misleading of the general public by claming that biased and inaccurate and defamatory reports by non-independent people are independent reports is unChristian.

5. I want an investigation into you, Bishop Dakin, why you were elected Bishop of a Diocese a senior Bishop couldn't handle, and you an inexperienced Bishop have been made famous by your million pound destroyal of a vulnerable adult who did nothing to you, a destroyal in which you ignored every one of Jesus teachings, which makes you invalid as a Bishop.

6. Why am I waiting to be publicly crucified? How does your boast of this matter being about safeguarding tie in with you destroying me publicly? One vulnerable adult who you are forcibly killing and not including her views anywhere. You can't go on leaving me waiting, waking every morning to wonder if this is the day you release the Bailhache report and destroy my world beyond healing. Can you think of anything more nasty, crass and unchristian after all the damage already inflicted by you and your diocese?

7. Bailhache is less likely to be elected chief minister, but I am sure he still wants the report he wrote through Steel, Ahsenden, the Dean's legal team and all the rest of the powerful mason-judiciary-lawyer-states member-church laity and clergy clique. So, when do I and my team get to write a report on a million pounds from you? And if not, explain to me what any of your harm to me has had to do with either safeguarding or Christianity, rather than the reality of it being to do with money, power, politics, arrogance, money, lies in the press and cover ups.

8. Why has my complaint against Jane Fisher been completely ignored? Why was she allowed to continue to harass me after covering up for herself through the Korris report and undoubtedly through the more recent reports? Why has Bishop Butler, her old colleague from Southampton, and Elizabeth Hall protected her as she has continued to violate me?

sincerely, 

HG and the CofE

The Church of England cover up team

church abuse cover up and smoothing over crack team:

Korris report...Notes on acknowledgements... Dame Butler-Sloss

Dame Butler Sloss to abuse victim 'We can't give the press a Bishop'.

Dame Butler-Sloss...Korris...deliberately vague and non-chron report omitting Fisher's misconducts and omitting my views...Gladwin...Dame Steel..

Butler-Sloss-Gladwin-Steel-Korris

and round and round we go.

part 1.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/westminster-abuse-inquiry-baroness-butlersloss-accused-of-hiding-claims-of-bishops-paedophile-allegations-9602065.html

re-post of Jersey safeguarding concerns

Monday, 21 October 2013

Jersey Safeguarding concerns

bullet point safeguarding concerns in Jersey 1.

This is a brief description of some of my concerns of safeguarding in Jersey:

I do not know the full picture with regards to safeguarding in Jersey but I can share some of my experiences, I can do some church by church and general stuff.
This is stuff that no-one is going to see in the safeguarding report comissioned by Bishop Dakin, because my side of things has been omitted, the Bishop has cleared the Dean and the Deanery has hijacked the report to clear themselves at my expense, and the damage is now bringing me close to breaking, either my heart or mind will fail soon, so I will write while I can, having had to give up any normal activities such as college.

St. Matthews, Millbrook:

• The books and their use. Previously described to John and Christine. St. Matthews promotes Books that contain stories and references to abuse as if it is something to be forgiven and then everything will be alright. A story is given of a church man raping a church woman and how every time she saw him at a gathering she had to remember to forgive him and when she saw him laughing with other people she was to remember forgiveness and she started feeling better, no police or reporting of the rape was involved, the focus was forgiveness and I do not think that is a good example of anything, especially not to a vulnerable or abused person. Forgiveness takes time, and in the case of an abuser or rapist, they are a danger to others. No church should teach that forgiveness is everything in such cases and lead anyone to the impression that a church man who goes to a lone churchwoman's house and rapes her should not be reported but should be forgiven and left in church positions.
• A book containing a paragraph about how 'Satanists are praying for the breakup of clergy marriages in the USA', this paragraph has been redone and shared in Jersey and Overton as 'Satanists praying for the breakup of clergy marriages in Jersey'. There are a variety of Americanist evangelical extreme books and the services run along the same lines. Scaremongering and playing with people's minds is dangerous and many people who go to church, especially healing services, have vulnerability or are in need. Easily bought, as I have been with some things said and done in the Overton church and St. Matthews in Jersey, both churches had a close link due to George and Jill Lihou being Phil and Heather Warren's parents-in-law. The kind of things like 'there are satanists here praying for the breakup of clergy marriages, is manipulative, uncharacteristic of true Satanists and the aim is to send a shiver up people's spines, just as a lot of extreme evangelical manipulations are.
• Going too far with signs and wonders and games. I described the game where the people in the prayer room at St. Matthews made me step forward to 'prophetically step forward' in life. Well some of St. Matthews games were thrilling and sometimes I got caught up in them but some were pushing boundaries. The Charismatic tricks that are easy for vulnerable and needy people to get caught up in.
• the Vicar's wife, Heather (George and Jill Lihou's daughter), would go round telling certain longstanding members of the congregation some 'visions' to shout out during the service, this was usual. The usual charismatic 'coming up with health problems that someone in the congregation is likely to have', the light pushing on people's shoulders when laying hands on them, either to make it feel like something was happening or to make them 'fall over for Jesus, etc. Sometimes it was all fun, sometimes it was spooky. I remember how Heather Warren used to throw herself on the floor, and she was a big woman, and she and the others would be going 'Daddy God, Daddy God, Daddy, Daddy', I didn't like that because it reminded me of Robb, who called himself my 'daddy' and I also knew that such things could not be to do with real God or Jesus, because they would not condone that, Jesus would have looked tand asked what she was doing, . I am not sure what God thinks of people throwing themselves about, but it is show rather than worship. 
•  Anyway, it was all extreme and they used to play a tape I called 'the sobbing tape' which made strange moaning sobbing noises, and it could sound a bit dodgy, it did one time when the girl at the microphone kept going on about us being God's bride all prepared and fresh and things, it did sound wierd, it was very much about raising emotions, almost sexual, close to the boundaries sometimes, a bit dodgy for some vulnerable people. and easy to buy into, I did.
• crossing professional boundaries. Dr Balmer, as far as I know he held some position in church, possibly a church officer, but he was also my Doctor, I remember being horrified when he actually out loud and in front of people spoke to me about things I had spoken to him about at the surgery, including looking for work. I know Jersey is behind the times but that was just wrong.I changed my surgery soon after that. You can't go to a doctor who is part of a church that has rumours about you and who can breach confidences that way, who knows what he could have told the Warrens from my records! And sadly, in such a small island similar problems occured repeatedly.
• Phil Warren's attack on me where he trapped me, said he had 'heard about me' and threatened to ban me and accused me of threatening him. This is described elsewhere, so i will not repeat it in detail. Horrendous.And the apology did not explain why he had done it so Jane Fisher claimed it had not happened as it did. What kind of safeguarder is Jane Fisher if she excused this behaviour?!
• Basically despite these points, I liked this church as part of my routine, for a cuppa at the cafe and the monthly evening service that people from all over the island attended. It is overpowering and they do go over the top with their influences sometimes but nothing apart from that. St. Matthews is trying to be an American evangelical/cult church. Which is not necessarily healthy.

I have no safeguarding concerns about St. Lawrence's church. I only went there for occasional early morning communion. 

St Andrews, First Tower:

Where do I start? This was one of the worst churches I have ever been to, Jane Fisher claims they improved it, but I don't know. 'Improved' by Jane Fisher's standards does not necessarily mean a thing.

• My first experience of St. Andrews was the churchwarden coming to sit next to me, then Lindy Taylor (the Vicar's wife)coming over and the churchwarden saying that Lindy had come to 'keep an eye on him', that should have set alarm bells ringing but I was naive. - I guess this was the chaperoning policy that failed the rest of the time.
• My second experience was right after that, Lindy talking about a vision she had of someone 'new to the church' coming in to that evening service. Oh yes, I bet she had a vision of putting the kettle on when she got home as well. Immediately the attempts to manipulate had started, as well as the fact I had immediately attracted the abusive churchwarden.
• So that was, and maybe still is, St. Andrews. I doubt that they turned into a good church under Mike Taylor.
• They used prayers and visions and even sermons, to try and control, shame and single out people in the congregation, or congregation as a whole, Neville's prayers that 'people would accept the new service patters' and the way I was slated for even asking about the new service pattern, still stands out. control through prayers is never appropriate.
• They messed with my head, discriminated against me and excluded me, they treated me as if I was a cripple and it was from them that I learned that I was disabled, 'a disabled' to be more precise, I was treated as if I couldn't do anything and I was marginalized, and the churchwarden encouraged that because he wanted to be 'the man' between me and the congregation, so that everyone went through him to speak to me, and about me, and he made me feel so small when he described back to me what people, even Janet, were saying, he seemed to enjoy that. He was not chaperoned with me as claimed, nor was he chaperoned with anyone, he was allowed to hug and touch the women in the congregation and he routinely hugged and touched a group of old women, they would pretty much be waiting for him to do it every sunday.
• Mike (Vicar) and Lindy were proven to have lied to me when they said about there being no spaces for me to steward at new wine, while I contacted new wine in the meantime and was told that there were plenty of spaces. I confronted Lindy and she brushed it off, but a small lie that hurts someone is as bad as a big lie. Basically Mike and Lindy said they would ask New Wine if I could steward, when I told them I was keen to, then they said they had asked and no stewards were wanted, then I asked New Wine and they said they were short of stewards, Mike and Lindy had no adequate answer for lying to me, but that caused me loss of confidence in myself and them and their church.
• This dishonesty continued with the churchwarden telling me that people were talking about me and him and then when I told the Taylors that, he told them it was nothing, and rather than look into it, the Taylors dismissed it and took to avoiding me.
• This continued in many ways with hurtful conversations between the Taylors and churchwarden family  about me, which broke my heart but confronting them made it worse and they blamed me.
• I was made to feel small, I was made to realise that i was less than other people. And added to the disability discrimination, the church was very very sexist, the churchwarden was part of this sexism. It was like being in the dark ages going there, I thought I should wear a long frock with skirts and a bonnet.(sarcasm).
• I was never made aware that the churchwarden had a history, the closest anyone got to making me aware was that the churchwarden himself talked of his misbehaviours and he said he had been told off at work and sacked from St. Pauls, while his wife said she was worried about his CRB check because he was hugging me! which seemed very odd and worrying. The taylors took to avoiding me and discussing me behind my back with the churchwarden and his wife, basically that, considering that they knew his history, was plain wrong.
• No-one prevented the churchwarden from taking me home, taking me out sailing or to the warehouse or being alone with me, and even when he was caught hugging me alone in the basement, the person who walked in said nothing. And at work, he stroked me inappropriately and held my hand, no-one took any notice or did anything.
• If the signs and wonders games were a bit spooky at St. Matthews, they were better set there, but at St. Andrews they were very much using signs, wonders, prayers and sermons to manipulate people, it was a grim and scary atmosphere and it still chills me to remember. If St. Matthews was borderline harmful, St. Andrews was dangerous, and caused me a lot of depression and sadness, very deep, I was looking for another church after less than six months and had profoundly lost faith in God during that time.
• Basically, that is it, it was not well run, led or integrated, the vicar was not there unless he had to be, despite only having one church, the church wardens ran the place, the singing group were so appaling that even the churchwarden used to turn the sound on the sound desk down to drown them out, but no-one ever told them. It was not a place for the isolated, vulnerable or marginalized, it was a bit like a masonic lodge, all the men in black suits were in charge. I can't think of any more to say, but Jersey is behind the times and St. Andrews had kind of got left behind. St. Andrews was trying to do a poor copy of St. Matthews and St. Pauls, the other two 'cult' churches.
• Trying to do a bullet point of what the churchwarden and his wife, (and Mike and Lindy) did in full would not work and the documents are available elsewhere so I wont.
• The New Wine Channel Islands scenario is also too long to add here and will be done separately.

St Pauls, St. Helier:

• I suppose the most memorable thing is the horrible notice on the kitchen door that was about 'what to do if a mentally ill person came in' which did not differentiate between mental illnesses and made it look like all mentally ill people were mad and needed to be captured by the authorities and locked up. Horrifying and deeply discriminatory, I do hope that it was taken down when I complained to jane Fisher.
• That, coupled with Reverend Paul Brooks being famous for 'having problems with mentally ill people', the legend that had all details omitted, went that he had 'had problems with mentally ill people coming into church. Was worrying. Why did he have problems and why did he not have training to deal with disabilities rather than treating people with mental health problems as if they were something bad?
• I was offered and then refused pastoral support at St. pauls. The offer came from someone who did not know I was shunned and condemned and when she went to ask the team to provide support, I was then shunned, by email and no proper explanation given, the real reason being that I was condemned for St. Andrews and the churchwarden (who had previously been sacked from St. Pauls), just the same thing as Phil Warren attacking me for 'what he had heard' and threatening to ban me. While Jane Fisher personally attacked me and tried to deny that there was anything wrong with this.
• I was made unwelcome when i went up for prayer, it was Ian LeMarquand who did that, made excuses when I emailed him about it, he also claimed not to know I had been abused, despite the fact that he had previously told prayer people not to touch me because I had been abused. He is well known for backing himself into corners and contradicting himself now as home affairs minister in charge of a very very messed up and badly run police force (incidentally he is one of the people who can access my police records in order to bail his Dean out as he is a church reader and one of the 'laity, who have run the hate campaign),. He is also the abusive churchwarden's friend, according to the same and he is also the former magistrate, I do wonder how he is getting on with Dame Steele and the police in the investigations! There is no doubt he will be involved in this matter, probably in a less than honest way.
• St. Pauls, as well as St. Andrews is one of the reasons I hate church and can't bear to be in a church, but I have learned to live without church. I feel small, ashamed and angry about church. 
• The woman who innocently asked for pastoral care for me and had to reject me when she was 'told about me' was a doctor, and my worst nightmare came true when I went to my surgery struggling with depression and distress and she was the Doctor, I had a meltdown, again the same as doctor Balmer, this woman from church could view my records and cause me problems, I screamed at the receptionists to close my records so that that woman could not see them. I was living a nightmare and Jane Fisher tried to tell me none of it was happening.
• The previous Bishop excused the behaviour of St. pauls and said they 'did not have the ability' or something, to offer pastoral care. what are they there for then? they aren't christians then? why, if they do not have the ability are they a) there at all, and b) not provided with training, the Bishop's excuse was appalling.
• the churchwarden was on the panel that chose Paul brooks as Vicar of St.Pauls and was close to him and the others on the evangelical alliance in Jersey and these people were supportive of the churchwarden against me, and yet the Jane Fisher denied that and the Bishop said that Paul Brooks and Mike Taylor were 'supervising' the churchwarden, yes, use his friends who have treated me badly to supervise him and ensure he feels he did nothing wrong! No wonder the Bishop added that the churchwarden was not doing as asked and refused to obey or accept responsibility, the Bishop said he would probably have to speak to the churchwarden himself! I doubt he bothered. He was coldly disinterested in the whole matter.
• St. Pauls also did something that St. Andrews and even St.Matthews sometimes did. They used sermons and prayers and parts of the service to get a non-Godly, non-Christian and very person-directed message across. I remember some weedy youth who was supposed to be 'training' doing a talk that was about 'weeding out the troublemakers' and he either said or implied that this was about the St. Paul's congregation. He said that some people caused trouble and dissent and so they had to be persuaded in a 'christian way' to leave. Oh yes? This was not aimed at me as far as I know, but it is no way  to deal with disputes in a church. Kick people out when they don't do it your way? I have never before or since heard a sermon time abused in order to tell people they are not welcome in a church!
• The signs and wonders, they did pretty much the same as St. matthews, with a slight St. Andrews lean, they appeared to use actual church notes, prayer requests and discussions to come up with their signs and wonders to manipulate emotions, very clever.
• But individuals there had their own 'visions and games' and I remember Trevor LeMaistre, just before he died, saying that someone had seen an Eagle above Jersey and that meant there was an open heaven. Oh yes? what is there an open heaven for? just to get the tingle down your spine? because the signs and wonders and games are all very well if people are behaving in a Christian way, and if they aren't then they need to put the signs and wonders aside and concentrate on that. Signs and wonders without basic Christianity shows that something is wrong.
• I was fine at St. Pauls until they 'heard about me, reacted accordingly and I reacted to them.

St Ouens:

• The way they dropped the pastoral care and the way John Harkin pointedly made sure I knew I was not welcome, still hurts, Jane Fisher's denials hurt even more, and my reaction to the least offensive of all the shunnings and wounds, the Harkins rejecting me, hurts the most.
• The way John Harkin spoke about me to the baptist lady when I was on duty at Jersey Keswick was hurtful and wrong.
• They were only minorly involved in the signs and wonders and other games but once rejected by the Harkins with no explanation, I felt rejected as a whole and by the whole church. This rejection may have been because the Harkins were close to the Dean or because Jane Fisher intervened, I will never know, I only know I was thrown away, and in everything that happened, each wound like this contributed to me falling further and further apart, I needed solid, trustworthy and open pastoral help during the time after I had reported Robb, but I never received any. And since the Dean and his wife made it very clear that they believed the Avertys over me, that would be enough reason for their friends, the Harkins, to reject me. though I have no doubt that if there was input from Jane Fisher, that would have had the same effect.
• Especially as Gerard LeFeuvre, Robb' nephew and grand master freemason and his family belonged to that church, as did Gerry Padden who had been involved through the Grace Trust, of which I was a client but the chruchearden and his wife were patrons, leaders, and probably still are, that church was no place for me.

There is no need to re-explain the Dean matter to anyone,  the notes which will be published and even the Korris report has explained it reasonably well, and Bishop Dakin has cleared the Dean and let Dame Steel proceed to clear him again. seems pointless and I am glad that everyone hates Tim Dakin.

I thought I would say something interesting here. 

The leaders of the opposition to me and the hate campaign are from Reverend Mike Lange-Smith's church at Grouville, the opposition are Philip Bailhache and Bruce Willing.

I went to french classes with Mike Lange-Smith's wife, and because of my communication problems, she often worked with me, one-to-one on French conversation while we were at college, as the tutor was very kind and understanding to me. I never had any problems with Mrs Lange-Smith, nor did she have problems with me as far as I know, she was very patient with me because of my difficulties. I knew she was a rector's wife and was worried about it but there were no problems, I wonder if the Lange-Smiths realise that I am the same person, that went to college with Mrs Lange-Smith, and they are playing a part in supporting villifying me. I was always afraid that Mrs Lange-Smith would work out that I was the one who was condemned on the grapevine in island churches -which the Korris report claims is not the case but which is the case.

• Churches I do not know well and no nothing of the safeguarding - St. Johns, St. Marys, St. Simons, St. Martins (reputed to have housed a rapist), Grouville, Gouray, Trinity. 
• Well I have heard recently that the Vicar of St. Johns is an alcoholic and did a character reference for a child abuser for court, but that is, despite being backed up by newspaper reports and a number of witnesses, not part of my experience. I have a feeling that it will be another thing that the Diocese of Winchester will overlook, because Jane Fisher appears to be a 'close the door after the horse has bolted' type safeguarding measure, with little interest in real safeguarding.
• I didn't see any problems with St. Clements or St Brelades really, apart from Jane Fisher barging in and me having been slandered to St. Brelades. 
• I have heard that there has been a safeguarding concern about St. brelades recently, but I am not aware of the details and all I can say is it sounds out of character for Mark Bond, no matter what he and his wife have done against me in response to this absolutely unfair investigation which lumps all the clergy in Jersey together as if they are all potential wrongdoers and yet omits my side of things. Last I heard was that Jane Fisher was handling this complaint the same way that she handled mine, doing nothing and hoping it went away, and I have no doubt that if the complainant complained about her, it would be treated just as my complaint against her has been.

New Wine Channel Island, another wound that affects my worship to this day, it is a mental scar:

I don't even want to write about it.

When you are branded mad and disbelieved, it can be hard to express what you see going on because you don't expect to be believed and people don't always want you to be believed. I was treated as if I had no credibility throughout the situation in Jersey.

And, that is how many abuse victims used to end up as psychiatric patients and in detention places like the industrial schools and magdalen laundries in Ireland. 

We are bad for trying to speak about incomprehensible, mad things.

New Wine Channel Islands 2008:

It was a big evangelical cult thing, run by the three/four main 'evangelical' churches, those mentioned above, St Matthews, St.Pauls, St. Ouens and St. Andrews, with input from other independent free churches in the island/s

For those running it on stage it was like a big show and they were performing. It was mainly Phil Warren and his family from Jersey and Guernsey.

I was there, and separate from the churchwarden and his wife who were also there, because I had spoken up about the churchwarden for the first time and I did not want to be near them and they did not approach me.

The Keys arrived and Bob key was kind of waffling on stage, about himself, and Daphne Key went and sat with the churchwarden and his wife, as she usually did in the town church, and apparently she asked them if I would not sit with them because she was there and they told her that was not the reason - but interestingly did not tell her the reason, so whoever they 'took advice from' (as they told me) when I said the churchwarden had abused me, it may not have been the Keys.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was fellow churchman and legal expert Philip Bailhache or Ian LeMarquand, but there is no proof.

Anyway, the church leaders and band were whipping everyone up into a frenzy, as they do and as they did. everyone including me was getting crazy and they were throwing signs and wonders and there was this and that person in the crowd who they said had this or that pain and they needed to stand up and be prayed for.

I got caught up in it and then they were going on about someone who gets angry and verbally vomits on people and that person needed healing  and if that person verbally vomited on you then you needed to hug them and that was the solution and then they said how 'poor Mike Taylor needed healing' and they all gathered round and prayed for him.

Then they got the children to lay hands on people, now this is somthing that St. matthews did as well in their church and I have omitted it and it is a safeguarding complaint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Getting children to lay hands on adults is in no way acceptable.

They then got the children to lift their arms up and form a 'prayer archway' and got the adults to walk through, this is borderline but I do not like it, but I am more concerned with them getting the children to lay hands on people which is a St. Matthews thing and I forgot it earlier.

Anyway, Mike Taylor hugged me and I was surprised and all caught up in the frenzy, so I hugged him in return, but he should have asked, shouldn't he? and it was all part of the game, about what they had said earlier about hugging someone who verbally vomits on you. I had been furious the way the Taylors and the churchwarden couple had discussed me behind my back and I had been angry with Mike and Lindy and their lies about New Wine and the way they had let the churchwarden say nothing was wrong when I went to them about what he had said and how they had treated me about my queries over the new services.

So at the time, caught up in the frenzy, I thought that I was being directed by God, that I was being admonished by God, that God had put everything right and that I was all cleansed of my bad sins against the Taylors and churchwarden couple and had to be 'good now', but inside of me I knew it was all wrong, they weren't sorry, they had done wrong and I was tired and shamed and empty, in a way that I cannot describe or explain, it did something horrible to my soul, because I had accepted it, accepted Taylor hugging me and all the things that were said. What they were doing there was incredibly manipulative and damaging.

If anyone has been in an evangelical cult, and escaped, they will know what I am saying about damage to the soul, and at the time and right up to now, it has been a wound, and so were the following events. 

After New Wine Channel Islands was over, I thought I had to change my life, I went to the Christian bookshop, such as it was, run by the churchwarden's friends who kept refusing my volunteer application because the churchwarden made me out to be his special needs charge who caused him so much stress, and I got the 'sorry prayer and bracelet'. 

I sent Lindy Taylor some flowers and an apology for being angry at the damaging way she was talking to the churchwarden about me about me.

Though I did also send some flowers to Juliet and Anne, just because they were my friends and I told all my friends I loved them. I tried to be a new person but I was exhausted inside and buzzing from this New Wine Stuff that had messed up my head, I cannot remember what else was fed into us at New Wine but I think there was a lot more than I have written and it affected me badly and I am pleased to write it down at last, share it, get it out of my soul where it has wounded me for years.

I couldn't be this 'new person' who was 'healed' by words and laying on of hands and all the stimulation at New Wine and it was not good for me.

The interesting thing was, the Taylors didn't apologize or do anything for their part when I apologized to them, but as years have passed I understand that anyone in an established position in the church of england never believe themselves to be wrong and never takes responsibility.

Anyway, it got worse, because the churchwarden didn't believe they had done any wrong or needed to take responsibility either, the churchwarden didn't admit to his wrongdoing when I went to see them and apologized for my side of things.

I had been unhappy and unwell with depression in my last months with them and also, I felt bad about speaking up about the churchwarden abusing me, I felt ashamed even though I knew he had done wrong.

I went to their house and his wife didn't want me there but the churchwarden started hugging me and said he would 'sort his wife out'.

I got down on my knees and said I was sorry about saying it was abuse, because at the time I still loved them and was very sad about it all, I knew the churchwarden had done things he shouldn't, but I was trying to excuse him, I got down on my knees and said sorry and his wife asked why I had said it and why I had implied he had raped me, but I had said he had pinned me down, which he had, a number of times, and I didn't say rape because he hadn't.

I told her it was true had said things he shouldn't but she was very upset and I didn't tell her any details.

But it was only me apologizing, not them, not the Taylors, I was emotionally messed up by New Wine Channel Islands and things never got better, not between me and the churchwarden couple and Taylors and not for me emotionally, the whole thing was very damaging to me emotionally and mentally, it is a psychological wound and I feel better for sharing it at last. 

The thing is, the whole mind games new wine thing did not ring true, and my going belly-up to it and apologizing and 'forgiving' the churchwarden couple and Taylors was not reciprocated and nor did the churchwarden take responsibility for what he had done or his wife forgive me.

Life was miserable after that, Lindy was saying how they were 'praying for me' oh yes, pray me to be who you want me to be and pray me to be 'normal' or like the  churchwarden, say my autism is an illness and pray it is healed.

Their prayers didn't work because the churchwarden continued to touch me when he saw me and continued to hurt me emotionally over 'what his wife thought of me' and how he was 'meeting with Mike Taylor to discuss whether he could 'still work with me'. etc

And I reported him after he touched me when I went bewildered to try and resolve things.

I was by then on anti-depressant sedative mix and life was hell.

It astonishes me that Bruce Willing arrogantly talks about how it is 'not in the church's gift to help me', firstly I would never want help from an Anglican church again, they have never helped me without extracting a large chunk of flesh (metaphorically) and not one helper has not invalidated what they did to help by making me responsible for any wrongdoing on their part. I suffered 13 years of damage in the Diocese of Winchester, and they are profoundly lacking in accountability and not geared up to disabled, disadvantaged and isolated people because they are more a club for the well-to-do and people secure in families than the disabled, isolated or vulnerable.
And in Jersey, the church with all the problems I have described above, need to resolve their attitude to disabled and disadvantaged people before they make judgments and they need to stop using the church as a stage to meet their own needs and return to the basics of Christianity, which are forgotten in all their games.

I do not believe that signs and wonders with the absence of basic Christianity is the right balance in a church or what God wants.

this is the initial brief account of safeguarding concerns in the Jersey Deanery.

Another untruth from the Church

church leaders who lie, and know they are lying, they invalidate the church,
Bishop Dakin, Bishop Dakin, Bishop Dakin, Bishop Dakin, Bishop Dakin, Bishop Dakin, Bishop Dakin...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2661027/Second-church-official-admits-didnt-know-touching-child-intimately-crime-just-day-fellow-brother-said-wasnt-aware-paedophilia-illegal.html

Bishop Dakin, Bishop Dakin, Bishop Dakin...etc.

today's links

http://spotlightonabuse.wordpress.com/2014/06/16/a-senior-psychologist-urges-oliver-heald-mp-to-support-an-inquiry-into-organised-child-abuse/

http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/jersey-child-abuse-inquiry-and-health.html

2007 Jersey church

St. Aubin's harbour, where the churchwarden had his boat, we went out on the boat and he talked about sex. The church never warned me that he had a history of inappropriate behaviour.


When I first moved to the Island, I was working on a Sunday.
This made church difficult, so my only options were early morning and evening services.

I always liked 8am communion as it was simple and quiet, this is still the case.
So I started to go to 8am communion at the church down the road from me, which co-incidentally was Phil and Heather Warren's church, but I had no wish to tell them who I was as I wanted no further association with the Lihous at the time. I was very wounded by the Lihous.
I also went to 8am communion at St. Ouens, and later the churchwarden laughed as I continued to go to various 8am communions, and he said another lady in church did this too, 'going round the churches', she, incidentally, was also disabled and also treated badly in church.

Right from the start, I would sit out on the rocks and watch the sunset at Corbiere.

Anyway, so I went to 8am communion at my local church and at the church near work, and then rushed to get to work.

I wanted a local church as my main church, but St. Ouens and the church up the road didn't have an evening service at the time, and my landlord suggested St. Andrews, as his and his partner's friends, the Viberts, went there, and my employers family were also staunch members of that church and financially blessed it as well.
So I guess it was a foregone conclusion, there was no doubt from the start that this was the church I was to go to, and it was indeed one of the churches from my dream before I moved to Jersey, a prophetic dream that showed St. Andrews and St. matthews.

I recoil and the word 'prophetic' now, because in Jersey it was a word that was abused to manipulate people very heavily, and I know prophecy is real but I have been sickened by it being abused, faked and used to make people do things that they shouldn't.

An extreme example is a man who needed to walk with sticks, being told to put his sticks down and walk without them as a 'prophetic' expression of faith, he remained needing his sticks and made to feel he had failed, I was subjected to the same by the same people, in a milder form, told to 'make a prophetic step forward' literally, and 'leave the past' ie the abuse and St. Andrews, behind.

As anyone will realise as they read this, real life is not about suddenly leaving your distress or disability behind in this way, and it is wrong and harmful for this to be done.
-And these same people made me out to be mad!

The affect of this constant spiritual abuse in Jersey as well as the sexual and emotional abuse from the churchwarden, was catastrophic, I was fragile, having grown up with severe spiritual abuse, and Jersey was the last straw for me.



Anyway, so, I went to an evening service at St. Andrews.
I walked in and took a pew at the side, the evening service was small, very small, and was strange, not your normal church service, it had a strange atmosphere and I was not sure about it.

The people I came to think of as 'the fanatics' were there, they kind of walked around 'God-stoned' and not in the real world, really scary, they lived in a fantasy world where they used God for their own purposes, and yet, they didn't seem too bothered about living an example of God's love and Jesus' ethics. They scared me.

And they were my first experience of Jersey cult, with one of them coming up to me with a 'sign' from God for me, which, despite being vulnerable, I took lightly, because although I was vulnerable, I had heard of this sort of manipulation.

So, I sat in the corner and watched this rather weird service.
And then the churchwarden walked in during the service, and walked round hugging and shaking hands with the few people there.

He asked a few people who I was, and he mistook me for a boy, which was not a good start.

He came over and asked if he could sit with me and he told me he was a 'church officer'.
He sat with me, told me he had mistaken me for a boy, and had been corrected.

He sat with me, and he seemed surprised that I knew the Bible when there was a reading, and that I knew about taking communion.

After the service, the Vicar's wife came to sit with us, and the churchwarden significantly said that she was there to keep an eye on him, but I did not know the significance of this, nor did the churchwarden's wife explain this to me, then or ever.
Instead she also started on the 'prophetic', and said she had been 'told by God' that there would be someone new at the service tonight,

now, aside, what kind of God is wasting His time with absolutely pointless signs like this, while in Jersey, abuse victims are crying out for justice and being silenced, suppressed and harassed?
What kind of God, is wasting time on signs and wonders while the very people giving them are silencing and villifying abuse victims to protect dignitaries and the wealthy?
Is there any significant spiritual benefit to vulnerable people in the church and community of Jersey from these signs and wonders?

No, they are manipulation, and the church and community reflect no benefit from this manipulation, there is no sign that Jersey is a more Godly community than most, in fact, in the suppression, the opposite is the case, so maybe they should drop the signs and start focussing on what the Bible asks of them: look after the poor and vulnerable.

And instead of speaking to me about the churchwarden's history, I was given a 'sign' that was of no worth to anyone, that God had said there would be a new person there.
If God has time to do this through them, He would have time to change a rotten church system and protect the vulnerable, and likewise, if He had told the Vicar's wife I was to be there, just for the sake of it, why did he not warn her to protect me from the churchwarden?

As it was, I blanked her sign, and she then allowed the churchwarden to lead me outside and away from the church.

An honourable mention, Planet Jersey being agreeably noisy again :)

http://planetjersey.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,55.msg59022.html#msg59022

I said I would write some more on the 'lets be honest about Jersey' post, but I am tired and busy, so I may not get much done.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/not-very-christian-rural-communities-in-uproar-as-250-anglican-churches-use-ancient-rules-that-could-leave-them-facing-bills-for-thousands-in-repairs-9289590.html

The CofE belong in the dark ages when discrimination which they still practice today was more normal, when slavery that they supported, was legal, and when they could turn away deceased illegitimate children from burial in churchyards.

The CofE still want to behave as if these are the bad old days, when they could abuse their power.

And here is some rubbish about the latest Archbishop to fail abuse survivors while making a show of helping them.
The smooth rubbish and his show of being 'down with the people' makes me sick.
The CofE are not 'down with the people' it is all just show.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/10775220/Archbishop-of-Canterbury-Sometimes-I-think-This-is-impossible.html

I hope Eli doesn't mind

Eli sent me this link and I am just going to put the link here while I wait his permission to put the link here, because I don't know when I am next online.

 http://www.itv.com/news/2013-05-10/former-choirboy-issues-cofe-abuse-cover-up-claims/

What I find tough about the headlines is the 'press speak' the 'claims' and 'allegations' press speak, that can leave people in doubt as to whether the survivor is a real survivor or not.

I am in no doubt as to whether Eli is a survivor or not, he is. 

Eli is very brave, the Church of England, powerful and cut-throat as they are, are still not used to being challenged, and Eli waived his right to remain anyonymous in order to speak up, this takes away the Church's ability to run and hide, because this is an act of courage against an essentially cowardly organization.

Eli, myself, and others, have had to put up with abuse and then the Church of England's 'anything but responsibility' cover up and inaction. And worse, the Church of England's pretence of care, which is for the benefit of the press and the public, those who still believe a word of  what the CofE says.
Well, the old people who put money in the coffers blindly believe it all, because that is part of their belief system.

The Church of England seem to spend years 'dealing with complaints', and when they have to use the press, these days they make grand claims of taking things seriously. This can injure survivors even more, because their personal dealings with the church, and the way the church treat them, is different from what is being paraded in the press.
This is certainly my experience!!!

Oh yes, they take their 'reputation' (whatever that may be) seriously, they do not take victims seriously, they do not take the fact that Eli and I and other victims are left harmed and struggling seriously.

Ken Blue - Healing from Spiritual Abuse - Excellent Book

Good evening,

I am relaxing after a wonderful but exhausting party, I have been formulating many thoughts, especially since I have now decided to focus on healing from spiritual abuse.

One of the best known books on spiritual abuse is Ken Blue's book, Healing from Spiritual Abuse/breaking free from a bad church.

Interestingly enough, I am not in a bad church now. I regularly attend two very different churches, and will be at both tomorrow, not simultaneously.
Neither are 'bad' nor do I need to break free from them.
Since I broke free from the Church of England as they destroyed me, I have learned about me, and about church, and about boundaries, and it has been amazing.
I do not stay with a church that takes me over or belittles me, because I know I don't need to, and I remember the words that my kind Catholic friends taught me, which remain with me, and put me back directly in contact with God without the need for a Church mediating.

When I left the Church of England I left behind 30 years of sexual and emotional, physical and spiritual abuse, that came from 17 years with my parents and 13 years with the Church of England.
Now as you can imagine, that is 30 years of damage and only 3 years separated from the damage, and because the damage occured throughout my developing years as a child and young adult, it has ingrained and it has affected me as a person, how I relate to others, how I respond to pastoral care, how I respond to church and community, how I am in general.

3 years after escaping, I have a wake up call to how I am responding to others and church and what the root cause is, and at 33 years old, this wake up call is a bit late, and just with my other problems and conditions, such as autism and reactive attachment disorder, glimpses of this spiritual damage were always showing through, here and there I knew how some of the spiritual abuse caused some of my reaction to things, but because my problems have been overwhelming and survival has been the priority for so long, the problems had to stay locked in, not faced, nor did I know how to face them.

I gave you an example of very innocent spiritual abuse where my church leader friend talked about how people like me should be aborted before birth, to make less of a burden on society. Here is another example of how readers and preachers in the church can basically say what they like and not really understand how things are for people with disability.
And I will lead into a statement about me from this account:

It was a nice sunny day, 2003 or 2004, the service was read by our much loved reader, the same one who said that my 21st Birthday party was the best party he had been to all day, as he poured the alcohol and stayed close to the bar.

The reader talked about love, he said that the only thing that mattered in Jesus'view was that we loved one another (not true), and loved our neighbour as ourself.

He was very much putting over the same sort of view that JM used to, that 'God is love', JM used to admit to me that she had no faith in their being a real God and heaven, and even that she didn't believe in the Virgin Birth, She told me that it brought people's faith down when astronauts went up and found no God in space.
What puzzled me was, why would anyone think astronauts would find God? Heaven isn't physical and finadable and why would a Vicar be secretly not believing in the Virgin Birth? JM's comments rocked my faith, she claimed that God was love, which was why she used to half-kill herself trying to put people's lives right.

Anyway, back to the reader, Church of England froth, decided to state to us, that 'love was the most important thing', and while love is, and Jesus did say 'love your neighbour as yourself', I have yet to meet any member of the church of england who even gets on with all their neighbours, or even their fellow church members.
I think Church of England are kind of focussed on the wrong things, especially people pleasing, and saying the right thing to soothe the ears of those who put the most money in the coffers.

I was and am a menace to the Church of England because I ask questions, this is the statement I meant.
I don't sit in church and dopily believe everything I hear.
This is interesting because for the 17 cult years, I was taught to blindly accept everything I was told, and that was hellish damaging.

But once I challenged my parents about the continued scare tactics once I had left them, ie they were telling me that jihads and armageddons were on the way and we could all be killed and if we were lucky we would be picking up the bodies, once I actually made a choice between their world and the real world, which I did, aged 19, and further when I was about 22, I questioned everything, and have done ever since! I am the bane of the comfortable old church's life, because I do not accept everything as it is said, if it sounds incorrect.

Now, with my current churches, I don't need to question, because they are not able to indoctrinate me, I know what songs and words I do not believe and I choose not to join in those sings or words, and so far, these churches do not object, and thus they are not spiritually abusing me.
I am keen to learn God's word and worship Him, but I feel I can do that without being forced on or misguided.

There is nothing representative of God in the way the Church of England have been to me, and very little representation of Jesus in their worship and creed, it is, again, soothing words for the elderly and wealthy who keep the Church of England alive, and I was so indoctrinated in the Church of England, having gone from the cult to them for refuge, that I was blind to how damaging the Church of England were to me.
I feel sad for all those in the Church of England who are caught in that deception forever, and think it is Christianity.

And I can imagine any well-to-do old lady fuming and self righteously blaring if they ever read this, because I have experienced this self-righteous blaring. (I wonder if Ginger Nut will self righteously blare if he reads this).
All the self-righteousness in the world will not make the Church of England into a Christian Church who do not teach properly because they are too busy during sermon time talking about the priest's personal life and other things that soothe the people who pay for the Church, although the Church is both a government department and a Charity, and should pay for itself.

And the sermons that the Church of England do far too frequently, about people paying more, and tying this increased payment in with the Bible, are abominable, and they sicken me, this is not Christianity, and these offensive sermons are questioned by me, the Great Questioner, but not by the wealthy old congregation who they are aimed at.

Anyway, lets return to the old reader and his froth about love.

Loving people is the most important Christian Value

He states.

He isn't expecting the Great Questioner and has no reply when she asks

What about those of us with a limited capacity to love? How do you tell someone with liited capacity for love that they are substandard in your Christian Ethic.

The reader had no adequate reply, and the memory sticks with me, that man, with his nice home and money and comfortably preaching among similar people, met by my question and truly stumped, he indeed couldn't answer and fluffed and frothed, repeating himself that to be Christians we have to love...
He couldn't explain how he could judge me and others less able to love as I did as substandard Christians.

The Church of England's splintered and variable teaching can be lethal, and I will provide other examples of this, as I have been doing.
As far as I know, preaching in the CofE is not audited or recorded or assessed, and basically they are free to do as they please, and with such a wide range of preachers, it is pot luck.

But anyway, in conclusion, I know I rock the boat in stuffy old clubs like that by questioning, and because I can question and have been questioning, I think there is hope for healing, for me to become independent of the brainwashing that has shaped me and the spiritual damage inflicted by the Church of England.
And I can also be assertive and leave a Church, leave an abusive situation.

Well it has only taken 33 years to get this far, to the beginning of healing.

Wish me luck.

Other People's Perspectives 3 - VoiceforChildren

Other People's Perspectives, VoiceforChildren's blogs on the Jersey matter.

Starting from the first they are;

No.1 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/03/bob-key-and-jersey-way.html

No.2 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-jersey-establishment-closes-ranks.html

No.3 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/03/bob-key-support-and-recognised-formula.html

No.4 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/03/senator-philip-bailhache-letter-to.html

No.5 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/04/open-letter-to-bishop-of-winchester-tim.html

No.6 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/04/dean-reinstated-press-release-from.html

No.7 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/05/business-as-usualthe-jersey-way.html

No.8 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/05/philip-bailhache-independenceagenda.html

No.9 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/06/senator-philip-bailhache-grouville.html

No.10 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/10/3rd-anniversary-of-abuse-victims.html

No.11 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/11/jersey-dean-who-exonerated-him.html

No.12 http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.com/2013/12/exonerated.html

 

 

Polo's new blog on the Dean

http://photopol.blogspot.ie/2014/03/proxy-bishop-bob.html

For Bishop Dakin

Dear Bishop Dakin,

I would like to know what has happened to my complaint against Jane Fisher, and why, when I had a complaint against her, she was allowed to refer me to her colleague, John Cameron at the NSPCC.

sincerely,

HG

Christians

If the people in the Diocese and Deanery war are Christias then why can't they settle this civilly?

I am caught in the middle and it is making me ill, especially the wait to  be damaged by unbalanced and inaccurate reports that condemn me instead of investigating my complaint. Reports that cover for wrongdoers.
Why am I being crucified for my sins when I do not work for the church and other wrongdoers do, hence their wrongs, which they will not take responsibility for, are worse, while I am on my knees pleading for forgiveness and absolution!

ps, the dioce appear to have made that NSPCC bid only to be able to put something in their press statement to cover for themselves.
'working hard accross the diocese to provide me with help'? Ha!

anything and everything

Dear Jane Fisher and Micheal Scott-Joynt,

Do you remember and did you tell any investigation or police force what I said when I rang constantly?

I said 'Make Jane Fisher go away!'

I said 'Please stop shaming and humiliating me!'

I came up to Wolvsley, not to 'hang around' or 'sleep in the shed' as deviously claimed,
I came up with letters for the Bishop, desparately trying to get him to understand what had happened to me, and persuade him to do something about it.

That is very different from me just being deranged and shouting and hanging around.

I wanted my complaints to be dealt with, although by the time Jane Fisher and the Bishop set the police on me in Jersey, it was too late for justice, because that injustice could never be undone.
And I wanted to stop being slandered to all and sundry in Winchester.

Did anyone or Korris ever know or understand that I was supposed to speak to Lou Scott-Joynt, and she told me to ring out of hours so that I would get through to her and not the office, and she told me that the only time she couldn't answer was when they were in chapel in the morning? and yet the Bishop had me done for phoning out of hours?!
Funny how lou Scott-Joynt's part in this was missed out of all court cases and the Korris report.
Especially the part where she was repeating the churchwarden-Dean-Lihou-Warren collaberation back to me, the same collaberation used against me again by Ashenden and Bailhache etc, with my side never at any point being taken by anyone.

Not really funny at all, sick. The whole way Jane Fisher has been able to engineer the matter and repeatedly mislead people about her and the Scott-Joynt's actions and attitude.

Social Services, Birthdays and what's the point?

Well I wasn't going to blog today, except maybe a vague post about Birthdays.


Now aged 33 and 3 years travelling homeless, branded mad and bad by the pharisees in the Diocese of Winchester, I did ask them if they want me to ride up to Winchester on a donkey for Passover and be crucified. I am pretty much scourged and ready for them to crucify me with their reports and press releases.

So today was the 33rd Birthday and I was vaguely going to blog about Birthdays. But I have felt too unwell to do much.
I was horrified to receive an email that violently stirred up distress, what a day to receive it!

Social services in Hampshire apparently accidentally copied me in on an email to other people.

Let me tell you about social services in Hampshire.

They treated me like dirt.

After Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt collaborated to try and have me put away in Sussex and pretended their complaints were separate, which they weren't. I rang Hampshire social services and battled with conversations as they passed me round and round and round the departments, passing the buck, as they do.

Eventually they took my pleas to be protected from Jane Fisher, and I explained as best I could how she had had me locked up repeatedly for responding in distress to her and Bishop Scott-Joynt's refusal of my complaint and their repeated violations of my privacy and human rights and their slander of me in Winchester that omitted the abuse and my disability and made me out to be mad and bad, and at first social services seemed positive that something would be done to protect me.
The matter was taken on by Safeguarding,
Safeguarding quickly decided to side with Jane Fisher and the police and  treat me with contempt and refer me without my consent, to a mental health worker at the very daycentre I fled because of Fisher and the Bishop's violation and slander of me.
Basically social services, instead of investigating or protecting me, decided to slur me as mentally ill, despite the mental health services saying I was not.

Social services thus made it clear that rather than protecting a vulnerable person, they prefer to slur them as insane and thus protect their abuser, in my case Jane Fisher, who has been extremely clever at absolving herself at my expense throughout this whole matter -glaringly showing up in her recent involvement and continuation of exactly the same pattern of violation and jeer that I cannot get rid of her, cannot escape her, she can have me traced and force on me and injure me wherever I go and whatever I do, this is causing me severe dispair.
I can see no future until I am safe from Jane Fisher.

well, Jane Fisher is supposedly in 'safeguarding', works closely with these people in Hampshire County Council and was very able to cover up her wrongdoing, especially as the police and court action was one-sided and omitted my side of things, so I was portrayed as mad and bad.
The very reason I contacted social services was because Jane Fisher claimed to police and court that she 'still wanted to help me', 

despite the fact she had got me a terrible record, from which I will never recover, from responding to her refusal to deal with my complaint or leave me alone, my mad and bad emails were because she was hurting me, firstly by refusing to deal with anyone in Jersey and rubbishing me there, hence me dealing with them myself, and secondly because she continuously violated and slandered me behind my back, causing me to be driven from my home town, in what she claimed was help,
she did not have my permission to help me, and after Jersey, she was the last person on earth who should have been involved!

Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt claimed they had 'tried to help house me' in Winchester, when in reality they interfered so I was unable to be housed, had me trapped and terrified in that situation at Christmas 2010, which was one-sidedly described in court as me making 40 phonecalls and texts to Jane Fisher, when in reality I was responding to her and the Bishop tricking me and having me forcibly trapped in their friend's house.
So I responded to that by contacting them and received a one-sided punishment for it in the court, and yet Jane Fisher has been left to wreck my life again in the past year and jeered by setting the NSPCC on me!

It is utterly horrifying that she has recently, again, after a year damaging me, violated my privacy and human rights by setting the NSPCC of all people on me!  Utterly unbelievable, when will someone step in and say 'look, this is utterly insane, Jane Fisher has inflicted a criminal record and pain and shame beyond healing or bearing on HG, HG has made complaints to the police, social services, the Diocese, the heads of safeguarding, the Archbishop, HG has tried to protect herself from Jane Fisher for 5 or 6 years and Jane Fisher is still free to harm her, was free to bias the Korris report and tamper with eveidence throughout, and HG is truly beyond the end of her tether, living in poverty, misery and fear of the Diocese and police, no relief or redress, the Bishop, in alliance with Jane Fisher has threatened HG with the very unjust police and court whatever that Fisher and the previous Bishop got her, after having HG forcibly and illegally traced and wiping her name through the mud publicly c/o his employees in Jersey.
When does it stop?

When will I stop being the public figure of shame and whipping for the diocese and allowed to start afresh?
Life will always be a kind of death with the emotional and psychological damage inflicted by Fisher, as described above, the way she has shamed me and branded me on record while not dealing with my abusers, and allowing abusers like FM to laugh at me in publicwhen I was shamed on the streets of Winchester, Jane Fisher sending an email round to all my old friends and contacts shaming and villifying me, it isn't something I can recover from.

So anyway, I made my displeasure known to the idiots at social services today. But it made a miserable Birthday, in poverty and in hiding and with £10 to last me a week, no lights or adequate cooking facilities, and in pain and struggling to walk, even worse. The memories of how shittily I was spoken to and fobbed off by social services and knowing that I would get more of the same if I lodged a complaint.
I have had to cancel tomorrow's treatment for my spine and pelvis because I cannot afford it, I cannot even afford to get to the hospital for a routine tomorrow. But seeing as I am already in pain and struggling to walk, I would probably be told to postpone until a better time, I guess this is the illness described as 'fibromyalgia' rather than the injuries troubling me today, I certainly feel ill.

Birthdays:

Birthdays were celebrated in my family, usually presents and cards, and in the old days when the family was closed, we had parties.
In my teenage years after that terrible series of events with my brother and the press and my mum and baby sister in hospital, things became more vague and the family were moving apart, with all those old enough having left home, Birthdays didn't matter then, and I was so isolated, as I am now, that Birthdays weren't worth much, my 16th and 18th Birthdays were pretty much forgotten by my family, although, as you will see in my previous writing of happy memories, the farm staff made my 18th Birthday special by getting me a card and some fish and chips and a bottle of coke. 

No sparkly parties and alcohol and big presents for me, which was what my fellow college students all seemed to have, but I was happy, just being in Winchester, walking the dog, really at home in my home town, you know how it is when you belong to a place and a place belongs to you? That was Winchester when I turned 18. Just as it never will be again, Winchester for me now is deeply deeply horrifically wounded and shattered, taken from me violently by the Bishop and Jane Fisher, a place of shame where I am branded.
But when I was a teenager, Winchester was heaven, and so my 18th was ok without much fuss.

My 19th must have been when I was at college? I remember nothing about it, and my 20th, I remember JM getting me a card with a funny picture on it, the card said 1 year old on it and I didn't blame her, the caption was some cartoon animal with a bib and a caption saying 'feed me', which was a random thing that I used to say. But JM also got me a 'normal' card.
 JM was the closest I have ever had to a mother, and out of everyone who has got involved and got out of their depth or hurt me, JM is the only one I still love.
But love does not equal safety and I will never see her again.

Anyway, my 21st Birthday was described here: 

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/the-motorbike-party.html

I don't remember many Birthdays clearly, usually my Birthday is near Easter, and the two blur, and since joining the Church of England, Easter became a special time, so it is all a blur of daffodils and sunshine and the beatiful green of the Hampshire countryside and joy.
Time with friends and general peace and enjoyment of a tough but ok life.

The first really sad Birthday I remember was when Jill Lihou sent me a Birthday Card in March 2007, when she and George had been asked by me to leave me alone because they had broken my heart with their behaviour.
It broke my heart again when they sent me a card, and I cried. It was a silver and white card with a West Highland White Terrier on it, Jill said it was the closest she could find to their dog, Jessa.
I did not want a card from them, Jill had wanted me to spend my Birthday with them, to the exclusion of all others, and out of the routine they had re-set to suit themselves and with no input from me, and I didn't want to stay when it suited them and I had other plans.
I am sure they didn't mean to upset me with the Birthday thing, but it did, because I needed space and I needed to be part of the decision making and I needed to be listened to.

But I remember when Birthdays really started becoming un-Birthdays, it was in Jersey, when the Churchwarden and his wife were hurting me, 
This was over the 'daughter-not daughter' row, and they went away for Easter and I was with JM for Easter, this was 2008, it was my Birthday and I spent that with JM and my friends, which was great, but the daughter-not daughter row had concluded as not daughter, (which continued to change), but they sent me away with a card that said daughter on it! Again, this was heartbreaking.

And of course, Birthdays after that were wrecked, as was Christmas, by the horrors of the consequences of reporting the Churchwarden.
 The reality is that is has cost me my life and he and his supporters nothing, I would have been better off letting him go on and abuse and hope the next victim had better luck, I wonder if that is how Sally felt about FM though? When JM rubbished her when she told her?
I may or may not have been FM's next victim, but I didn't have better luck. 
But on the streets is where I finally learned, you keep your head down or you end up worse off than the wrongdoer.

Anyway, Birthdays on the streets, that first Birthday on the streets was shortly after the police brutality which has left me traumatized to this day. And as I walked down the road, the same officer who had deliberately, repeatedly, needlessly and brutally flung me to the ground, said 'hello' familiarly to me, you know how police 'speak' to the people they harm, as if they know them and are friendly with them? well that is what happened for my Birthday, sending me back into shock and sickness.
 That Birthday on the streets of Winchester, shunned, maligned, despised and ruined.

And the ones that followed weren't any better, when I went on the run, I couldn't tell anyone my Birthday, for fear of being traced, that is still the case.
 Last Birthday and Easter was when I had pneumonia and whooping cough, started to recover, and the blasted diocese launched on me.
I say last Birthday and Easter that happened, because I had no idea of March 8th for some time, although I had been dreaming of Jersey a lot at the time and I had already been shunned and made unwelcome by people who read the Korris rubbish long before I knew what had happened.

This Birthday I have £5 left, and a pint of milk, I am sitting in the dark as there is no light, I am living in fear of the Diocese, I am facing a bleak continuation of six years of hell, I am being subjected to reports that omit my side of things and injure me, no-one will defend me from the Diocese's unwanted interventions or call them to account.

Basically another Birthday in a world that upholds abusers and condemns survivors is another unwanted Birthday.
I can go on having the faint magical hope that things will turn out right, but it is just the child I am, things will not be alright, today was not a magical wonderful day, not a day of sunshine and daffodils and friends inviting me round for a pot of tea, it was a day of poor food, darkness because there are no lights in the house, emotional injury as social services who harmed me made a serious error in including me in an email, a day of despair and futility as I try to work out how to survive the week on what I have.

I wish God was merciful and could see my pain and answer, but this God is the God of the Church of England and their abuse and cover-ups and deceit at my expense.
My Birthday wish, which is not a suicide threat, as ever, is to not see another unBirthday in a world where I am eternally condemned and have to live like this.








 

Accountable?

Never mind the haters who accuse me of being mad, bad and an abuser, they are not people who were put in the terrible situation that I was, traumatized already, regressed and abused, told I had found my 'God-sent family' that I had prayed for, and left abandoned and abused and blamed, treated terribly by the police and left shunned in a small community where my abuser had the right connections, treated terribly by the Dean and Diocese and told all along that I was at fault.
Wouldn't it send anyone mad? And on top of that, autism, poverty, terrible lodgings situations and not knowing who was connected to the abuser and thus meeting nasty surprises when looking for help.


Why was I put in that situation in the first place, when the Church knew enough to claim to have a chaperoning policy, but didn't, obviously, because the man cuddled and touched me at church, with people around.

The Vicar and his wife allowed me to be taken home by this man, after he had often spent time alone with me, sailing and at his work's warehouse, etc, and he was allowed to take me away from the church on walks as soon as he had met me, although while in church, the Vicar's wife came over and the churchwarden said she was 'coming to keep an eye on him', he then took me away from church on a walk.

Basically the church let him do as he was doing, and he discussed me behind my back in a detrimental way with the Vicar and his wife, which prompted an angry - not abusive - letter in response.

But by then the Vicar and his wife, since I caught them out lying about New Wine, for which they didn't apologize, and since I went to them on Air Display Day when the churchwarden was cuddling me and saying that people in church were talking about him and me, ignored me, but talked about me.

That incident on Air Display Day was one of many when the churchwarden would cuddle me and cheerfully tell me that people were talking about him and me. It always hurt me so much, and when I went to the Vicar and his wife, they did not tell me that this man was under a chaperoning policy, they did not say they were concerned, they said that it was usually a few people who were talking like this and they would deal with it.
Later the churchwarden said he had spoken to the Vicar and his wife and told them that everything was alright.

But it wasn't and he was allowed to cover up for himself and his 'punishing of me' for what he was doing, but telling me people were talking.
It was emotionally harmful.

But basically, the Church allowed that situation to occur, where a man known for misconduct was allowed to create a situation where he could abuse me, and he was supported while he brought othewr people into the matter to build up a defence of condemnation against me.

It remains that nothing has been done by the Church about me being destroyed, for which Jane Fisher always blamed me, and nothing has been done by the Church about the Churchwarden.

Post 1 -Other people's perspectives

Bob bases his posts on the Korris report a lot, which can make them inaccurate and traumatic at times, but he also has a lot of paperwork and in depth knowledge of States and Police processes.
 I think that as he has kept these posts about me up, he wont mind me linking and thus increasing traffic to his balanced and insightful blog. Especially as he does things without asking. :)
Remember, these blogs are not my opinion nor necessarily my true story, but they do help with background, but they were written by a good and honest man who was doing his best.

Bob Hill 2013/14:

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/the-dean-bishop-and-good-shepherds-fact.html

http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/the-dean-and-voice-in-wilderness.html

http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/jerseys-dean-and-victims-tale.html

http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/jerseys-dean-victory-or-climb-down.html

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/jerseys-dean-did-punishment-fit-crime.html

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/jerseys-dean-diocese-of-winchester.html

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/jerseys-dean-red-letter-day.html

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/jerseys-dean-meaningless-apologies.html

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/jerseys-dean-doubting-thomases.html

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/jerseys-dean-another-meaningless-apology.html

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/jerseys-dean-and-silly-season.html

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/jerseys-dean-laitys-jep-advert.html

 http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/jerseys-dean-dame-heather-saint-or.html

  http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/jerseys-dean-dame-heather-saint-or.html

Brief Introduction for new readers, because this is a heavy blog

Introduction for new readers as the statistics go up.

I was part of the Church of England for 13 years, I have multiple mild disablities and was vulnerable due to background and poverty.
I was abused in the church with barely a chance to recover from my fraught upbringing, and was blamed and shamed solidly by the church; all the unchristian things, gossip, cover-ups deceit occured, and my own sin was anger and saying bad things and getting carried away in reaction.

I have been publicly humiliated and shamed and given a record, while abusers and wrongdoers in the Church have got off and excused themselves.

Jane Fisher is a name I frequently mention, she is the diocesan safeguarding officer in the diocese of Winchester despite causing me so much harm through cover-ups and denials, and blame and slander of me.
 She also engineered the police record I now have, but never did anything about my abusers.

Bishop Dakin is the current Bishop of Winchester, and Bishop Scott-Joynt is the former Bishop, neither are Christian or able to deal with abuse, and both have treated me like dirt on their shoes.

The Jersey Deanery are described in the blog, a group of clergy and laity who have forgotten Christianity in favour of complacancy, power and security, but who run the church to keep this power and security.

The Korris report is an inaccurate and distressing report, engineered by Jane Fisher to cover up a cover up.

I am still in hiding from the Diocese and limited by this and the record they have given me.