Never mind the haters who accuse me of being mad, bad and an abuser, they are not people who were put in the terrible situation that I was, traumatized already, regressed and abused, told I had found my 'God-sent family' that I had prayed for, and left abandoned and abused and blamed, treated terribly by the police and left shunned in a small community where my abuser had the right connections, treated terribly by the Dean and Diocese and told all along that I was at fault.
Wouldn't it send anyone mad? And on top of that, autism, poverty, terrible lodgings situations and not knowing who was connected to the abuser and thus meeting nasty surprises when looking for help.
Why was I put in that situation in the first place, when the Church knew enough to claim to have a chaperoning policy, but didn't, obviously, because the man cuddled and touched me at church, with people around.
The Vicar and his wife allowed me to be taken home by this man, after he had often spent time alone with me, sailing and at his work's warehouse, etc, and he was allowed to take me away from the church on walks as soon as he had met me, although while in church, the Vicar's wife came over and the churchwarden said she was 'coming to keep an eye on him', he then took me away from church on a walk.
Basically the church let him do as he was doing, and he discussed me behind my back in a detrimental way with the Vicar and his wife, which prompted an angry - not abusive - letter in response.
But by then the Vicar and his wife, since I caught them out lying about New Wine, for which they didn't apologize, and since I went to them on Air Display Day when the churchwarden was cuddling me and saying that people in church were talking about him and me, ignored me, but talked about me.
That incident on Air Display Day was one of many when the churchwarden would cuddle me and cheerfully tell me that people were talking about him and me. It always hurt me so much, and when I went to the Vicar and his wife, they did not tell me that this man was under a chaperoning policy, they did not say they were concerned, they said that it was usually a few people who were talking like this and they would deal with it.
Later the churchwarden said he had spoken to the Vicar and his wife and told them that everything was alright.
But it wasn't and he was allowed to cover up for himself and his 'punishing of me' for what he was doing, but telling me people were talking.
It was emotionally harmful.
But basically, the Church allowed that situation to occur, where a man known for misconduct was allowed to create a situation where he could abuse me, and he was supported while he brought othewr people into the matter to build up a defence of condemnation against me.
It remains that nothing has been done by the Church about me being destroyed, for which Jane Fisher always blamed me, and nothing has been done by the Church about the Churchwarden.
That message needs ramming home again and again.
ReplyDeleteYou are the one being punished for their abuse. This is par for the course in matters of abuse. However, in your case, your fighting back and detailing what actually went on, may give them pause for thought and bring them the shame and public opprobrium which they richly deserve.
Your story is an appalling example of despicable behaviour by church and state and their agencies. Unfortunately it is not uniquel, but by your speaking out you may help other victims who are too shy or afraid to do so and who may not have your writing ability.
Aye, Thank you Polo.
ReplyDeleteIt is so heartbreaking for me that I have been judged and condemned by complete strangers over this matter, because of Korris and the ensuing smear campaign.
It broke my heart, I am not just unforgiven but presented so terribly as a criminal and it makes it hard for me to go on living.
The Diocese don't care, because they didn't publicly launch on me for any good or genuine reason, and they were disinterested in my suffering as a result,
the attempt to set the NSPCC on me was the same as spitting at me, how can a dodgy childrens charity help me after what has been said and done?
I can see too that it must be very difficult for you dragging up all this stuff on your blog. It would be bad enough to be doing this as part of a controlled therapeutic session, but doing it on your own is appallingly difficult, and I can see it drags you down from time to time.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say to you is that you have some very sympathetic readers out here who are reading it in a spirit of goodwill and understanding. And it is important to have it out there. The perpetrators and their allies are not slow to have their say. They should not have it all their own way.
Thank you Polo.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard enough for me to live with my mistakes and anger, the way I have been condemned makes it impossible, having to be isolated and just not able to believe in myself and others is a very harsh sentence.
It is as if the shame and horror are not allowed to go away, because the threat of the Church wont, there is no forgiveness, no absolution, just the wait for the next crazy move by the church and the branding that weights me down like a ton weight.
That said, although it may not be healthy to blog all these things that are so hard to speak about, it is my only outlet and only defence, with the media in the church's favour and the government in the church's favour and me with very little voice or power.
And I know others suffer like this, but when does it end?
I am grateful to you and other readers for supporting me, it makes every day a bit easier.