Saturday 30 November 2013

'The Oligarchy hung the Bishop out to dry' or, someone chased him up a lamp post

Embedded image permalink

Good evening.
I am tired at the moment, I can't walk without pain, and cannot get any physio or foam at the moment, so I am not writing much, I hope you like the lamp post picture.

Friday 29 November 2013

Where is God?

Good evening,
I am tired today, and although I have walked, walking has been painful, so I have achieved a few basic tasks and returned to resting, and I may not write much today.

I have been looking at a Battered Sheep article, about denominations. A controversial subject. At this point, my biggest fan (lol), Peter Ould, who reads and vets all my posts and declares that I am writing about 'anything and everything' will declare that I am writing about anything and everything.
Well, yes, I am, but dear Peter, you don't need to read it if it bores you :)

Anyway, denominations are interesting, one of our ministers proclaimed denominations to be to do with human pride, while another says that denominations are God's way of making His Word accessible to all.
About a year and a half ago, maybe less, I was sitting having a coffee with a friend from a Church of England Church, (she and I would go to communion together a few times a week her church and then have a coffee).
In our discussion we agreed that what mattered was not so much denomination as attitude, where compassion is practiced, Jesus is there.
Her church was a compassionate church, credit to them.

I am baptized Catholic, and I find the Catholic teaching and ethics most helpful and choose to use some Catholic teaching as the base of my faith, and I have suffered years of severe damage at the hands of the Church of England Diocese of Winchester, but I worship across the denominations, as well as attending Mass, wherever there is compassion, sound teaching and good worship, then I believe Jesus is there, I do not think any denomination has any right to say that Jesus is exclusive to them. My dear Catholic friends may agree to disagree with me on that, because they believe the Catholic Church to be founded by St. Peter on Jesus' instructions, but I think an open mind and focus on what matters, and avoidance of church politics and cliques is a good enough way to be.

Funnily enough, one of the best tests of a Church is when a homeless/poor/disabled person turns up, not asking for anything, but to worship alongside a congregation.
It is good to tell you that there are a lot of good churches around :) although the Diocese of Winchester's churches need some teaching as well as safeguarding restructure.

Anyway, this article from 'Battered Sheep' What it reminded me of, right at the end, when it talks about wolves in sheep's clothing, which even though I am autistic, I understand to mean bad disguised as good. The paragraph speaks of Satan coming as an angel of light, and I remember in Jersey, the Vicar at St. Andrews church, on a rare occasion when he was attempting the sermon himself, spoke of the Devil as light, and told of how the Devil was known as 'Lucifer' which means light.
Then in an absolute classic situation, only days later, the church warden who abused me, during an argument I had with him about him phoning my employers without my permission, puffed himself up in reply to my annoyance and said very pompously 'I am a servant of the Light'.

Yes, he couldn't say Jesus.

Yes, wolves in sheeps clothing.

http://www.batteredsheep.com/clone.html

Now here is a post that reminds me of Jesus, the Servant King, and also reminds me of the 'Key Players' in the Deanery of Jersey, who have behaved in such an unchristian way, and how the Servant King and the Key Players are so very much at odds.

http://www.batteredsheep.com/marchingsheep.html


Thursday 28 November 2013

Sparky post

Good evening. What a day.

On the Island, we had a toast with our cups of tea rather than champagne this time. Which is ok, because champagne makes me a bit unsteady. Even a few days ago, I didn't expect to be here again.

Polo has done a very interesting blog that makes me blush. Polo is a good writer, he can describe things much more succinctly that I can. I just blog about anything and everything, apparently, according to someone who doesn't like me 'shafting' 'his' church of england.
Here is Polo's blog.

http://photopol.blogspot.ie/2013/11/shafting-jersey.html

and here is a Battered Sheep article.

http://www.batteredsheep.com/whoseministry.html

'I will not boast in anything,
No Yorkshire
No channel Islands
No Switzerland

For Christ has given all of this
and didn't say 'abuse me'

I will not be so insecure
boast about my family

For Christ has given all of this
so don't abuse your ministry'

Ah, the bad old days, back when I was a doormat and had only experienced the Church of England and being treated as less and blamed for being irritated by this, and didn't realise that Christianity was not all one-upmanship and exclusive to the better off. This is not to say that the whole of the Church of England are like this, and two years ago I experienced other diocese for the first time and was pleasantly surprised, but the Diocese of Winchester is a very wealthy and very prejudiced diocese.

I have suffered years of the Church of England, and so, Catholicism with it's ethics and respect, was a breath of fresh air when I discovered it, even the most poor can be Catholics.
I cannot imagine any true Catholic sitting talking to a poor person endlessly about what they and their family have, and being offended when asked politely and timidly by the poor person, if they could talk about something else, as the poor person cannot join and the conversation and feels embarrassed. It was the Catholics who restored to me some of the self-worth that the Church of England had taken from me over the years.

And that is why I can sit here and blog about anything and everything.

Wednesday 27 November 2013

Too late

I think that ordained priests and church staff who condemn or bully an abuse survivor should be sent a copy of the book 'The Shack' and asked to read the message in it until they understand it. It won't equip them with the life experience to understand a survivor and thus treat them better, but it will help them to understand a better perspective.

I was drawn to 'The Shack' earlier today, during the wonderful meeting I had, as there was a copy on the shelf in the room where we met. 

Some church people are scared of this book and get in a flutter, they make excuses including objecting  to God being portrayed as a woman, and other things, and they miss the real and healing meaning in the story. :) God is portrayed as a woman in order to make Him accessible to a man who was abused by his own Father and has a problem with 'God the Father' as a result. The thing is, God is accessible to all, and is not just an angry Father to be afraid of.

I like to read the shack when I am having a bath at my friend's house, then I lie on the rug in my blanket to finish reading it, luxury. I never get tired of it. It is a stunningly written story, understandably harsh on anyone's conscience though.

Moving on, Peter Ould has kindly increased my blog readership. I must send him a copy of the shack as a thank you present :) 

Anyway. Lets talk about things being too late, while I am blogging about anything and everything while I am, apparently not intelligent enough to bring an injunction against the Diocese of Winchester. (actually the cost was the factor, and you can't do it on legal aid very easily).

People say that if I can write like this then I can't be disabled or have learning difficulties. 
Actually the reason I write fluently is because I have had verbal and auditory communication difficulties most of my life, and still do, but I learned to write and have always written in order to counter my verbal communication problems.

My verbal problems have improved dramatically, with help, but I still write straight from my brain to paper more fluently than I talk.
My IQ, which is often speculated about, is either 102 or 104, depending on which result you believe. But I find IQ tests very very hard because I cannot focus on them or understand them. But the learning difficulties and challenges I have, mean I do not understand a lot of things as well as I should, so although I am not low IQ, I am also not high in understanding of situations. 

Too Late:

The Police did not prosecute the church warden who I reported, but let him go to untruthfully claim  to the Island church community that he had been cleared, the police told me by email that they were not prosecuting the church warden. They then got me in by force for beating and temporary imprisonment the same day as a punishment for reporting a well-connected islander for abuse, but, being autistic, I failed to get the subtle meaning of being brutalized, thrown around, jeered at and locked in a cell, but I never really recovered from the shock and suffered Post Traumatic Stress and this affected me as my life got steadily worse for reporting the warden.

Too late, this year, and in the middle of the uproar caused by the Diocese of Winchester, the police suddenly decided they had 'new leads' on the Church Warden case, which isn't possible unless they were really really sloppy before, claiming correspondence between me and the Diocese gave them more evidence, which I doubt, as they had copies before, and they wanted to re-open the investigation.
Five years too late and with the damage to me irreparable. Re-open the case now, and cause me more stress than I could possibly cope with, having to give evidence in the climate of hatred that the Diocesan Investigations in Jersey have caused? Crazy.

Anyway, the police decided to re-open the case. I did not ask for this, and was incensed that they advertised it in the media before contacting me.
For me, reopening the case was pointless. For various reasons:
  • The damage to me is done
  • The stress on top of what I have already been going through would be too much if I had to go to court.
  • The case was five years ago, and, not just because of 'the Shack', I have forgiven the man.
  • The churchwarden has a family and he is an old man, he is better off with his family than in a prison that would not cure his tendencies.
  • Because of the extent of the impact of what he did, he will hopefully refrain from such behaviour again. Hopefully.
  • As a wise Catholic in Jersey taught me, the church warden will stand before God and God will deal with it one day. (at the time, in Jersey, I was suffering and so traumatized that this was no comfort, but since becoming a Catholic, I understand better and I do leave it to God).
  • Last but not least, as I told the police, there is unlikely to be an unbiased or impartial judge to put this man up in front of, and he would have some of the best legal advice, no insinuations but he has friends who would help him. It would be a waste of time, money and my health.
Too late for the police to make a token effort, even if they are just doing it because of the publicity generated by the Korris report.

Too Late: 

The Diocese of Winchester launched into a massive public investigation into the Dean and Deanery of Jersey in March this year.
Five years too late.

  • Too late to stop me from being maligned and defamed and shunned in Jersey and reacting
  • Too late to be deemed as fulfilling duty of care
  • Too late to prevent me being harmed by the police
  • Too late to effectively discipline anyone
  • Too late to prevent me being homeless and permenantly scarred psychologically
  • Too late if they thought they would make me feel that justice had been done
Five years later and the other side of a police record I got from fighting, traumatized, for action to be taken and responsibility to be taken. It was too late, it was ineffective and my complaints were not actually at any point properly heard or dealt with, nor did the Diocese consult me and ask what complaint I still had, if any.
Paradoxical how Jane Fisher was always telling me things were in the past, in order to wipe out my trauma, and yet, they dragged up a scenario that was in the past and forgiven, and have caused a lot of further wrongdoing in the Jersey Deanery.
Causing them to sin for no good reason while not effectively dealing with the past has not achieved anything.

And Finally. Too late, the Diocese want to help me.

So they try to arrange help behind my back, five years too late, and when they are responsible for so much damage to me, how many times do they have to go behind my back and force on me and violate my rights before they realise that they get the same reaction every time? 
Five years too late and being the people who damaged me, they are not going to help me. Full Stop.

Here endeth the lesson.

Forgiveness:

I also caught sight of another book that my church kindly presented to me a few months ago after discussions with them about forgiveness. It is called 'Total Forgiveness', it is a hard learning curve but good teaching, I have forgotten the Author's name, sorry. 

The thing is with forgiveness is, it is a process, no-one should be under pressure to forgive when they are suffering, and I was put under 'instant forgiveness' pressure in Jersey, because a lot of church people have never known much suffering or trauma, and think that they are in a position to preach down to those who have.
Basically, even if someone has been through traumas, even that does not qualify them to tell someone else how to go through their own process of forgiveness.

For me, the process of forgiving the Diocese is going to be ongoing for some time, and it will take a lot of painful therapy sessions too.









Thanks be to God

Good evening.
I thought I was going to have to wait and come back after rush hour, so I thought I would be back very late as it is a long journey. Thus I thought I wouldn't be able to blog today.

Today has been a helpful experience, I am sure. I am very very tired now. And tomorrow is another big day.

Today I will share a Battered Sheep article that reminds me of the hymn that was posted on Bob's blog a while back.  http://www.batteredsheep.com/fishermen.html
Personally I do not see anything wrong with theological training as long as Ministry is done based on Christ's teaching and looking to the Bible for guidance. And is not used for greed, perversions, untruths, abuse of power, and other abuses and wrongs.
After all, the disciples were taught, by Jesus.

I will also share the hymn.
It is all a good reminder of what it is all about.


1.
Inspired by love and anger,
disturbed by endless pain,
informed of God's own bias,
we ask him once again:
'How long must some folk suffer?
How long can few folk mind?
How long dare vain self interest
turn prayer and pity blind?'

2 From those forever victims
of heartless human greed,
their cruel plight composes
a litany of need:
'Where are the fruits of justice?
Where are the signs of peace?
When is the day when prisoners
and dreams find their release?'

3 From those forever shackled
to what their wealth can buy,
the fear of lost advantage
provokes the bitter cry,
'Don't query our position!
Don't criticise our wealth!
Don't mention those exploited
by politics and stealth!

4 To God, who through the prophets
proclaimed a different age,
we offer earth's indifference,
its agony and rage:
'When will the wrong be righted?
When will the kingdom come?
When will the world be generous
to all instead of some?'

5 God asks, 'Who will go for me?
Who will extend my reach?
And who, when few will listen,
will prophesy and preach?
And who, when few bid welcome
will offer all they know?
And who, when few dare follow,
will walk the road I show?'

6 Amused in someone's kitchen,
asleep in someone's boat,
attuned to what the ancients
exposed, proclaimed and wrote,
a saviour without safety,
a tradesman without tools
has come to tip the balance
with fishermen and fools.





Tuesday 26 November 2013

Tomorrow's post today

Tomorrow's battered sheep post today:  http://www.batteredsheep.com/fraud.html

For some reason this reminds me of a church where certain people used to lie on the floor saying 'oh, Daddy God!'

Battered Sheep. Excellent Insight

Battered Sheep Ministries is such a good blog, I should do a daily link to the articles that they offer. It is very helpful to a survivor.

https://pushingjesus.wordpress.com/tag/battered-sheep/

Beautiful song

'When Satan tempts me to despair, and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him there, who made an end to all my sin'. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ6QaZcPphM
What a beautiful song.

Dear Lord Jesus and Father God, Satan has spent eight months bringing me to trial for Sins repented by me and forgiven by you, and has also brought untruthful accounts against me as he is a liar and the Father of Lies.
he has not allowed me to be heard and for my case to be presented, he has had my side of things silenced.
I pray in Your Name that this judgement and merciless attack on my life ceases. and that my side is heard.
Amen

Monday 25 November 2013

last, lost and least again

Good evening.
I am amused to see my regular reader is suddenly going mad with reading.

I was thinking, if the Diocese of Winchester are 'called to help the lost, the last and the least',
then why don't they damn well do what they are called to do.

Excuse me being autistic, but it is the same as St. Andrews Church in Jersey, they  boast to be 'called to be salt and light', and I asked them 'then how come you aren't obeying that calling?

Talk about rocking the boat! Daring to challenge anything in Jersey!

Back to 'Lost, last and least'.

Who is qualified to ever put such labels on someone whilst calling themselves a Christian?

Maybe the Bishop does think that as a Bishop, he can judge, segregate and label in such a way.
And as I have asked before, when does the label get removed?

Because I have spent eight months being judged and condemned by the Diocese of Winchester and Deanery of Jersey for things that a) happened years ago b) they do not have my full side of things and disregard my side of things without a fair hearing for me, and c) these things happened both before my baptism as a Catholic and my confession, so who can judge me as they have? and d) it all happened before I had adequate diagnosis or therapy, and e) not one of the people who has wronged me has been challenged or disciplined, let alone subjected to the judgmental hate campaigns and forced interference that I have suffered.

Not that I am excusing myself, I know what I have and haven't done, the Church of England do not care, they would rather have a story that suits them.
But nothing could be more arrogant and incongruent than Bishop Dakin's 'Called to help the last, the lost and the least'.
I think they need to look in the mirror and realise just how lost they themselves are. There has been nothing fair or just about the way they have destroyed me and protected abusers and wrongdoers and tried to save face and maintain a good image in the press.



Therapy

Good morning,
I am delighted to have celebrities reading and commenting on my blog.
I will one day be able to tell you the full Jersey story on here, but at the moment it is still too traumatic and I still dissociate.

This morning I went to see my new therapist for a consultation. It went well. The new therapist will be able to work with me, she heard how effective the art and play therapy with my old counsellor had been and she says she can also work with me that way.

I was speaking to my old counsellor by email last week and asked her if she knew about attachment theory, and I said about how her work with me profoundly helped me. She replied that she did know about attachment theory and did have it in mind when she was working with me.
She reads this blog and she doesn't like smilies :):):) ;)

No wonder her help was so profound, and working with her improved my communication skills a lot. But that was before Jersey.

So this new therapist will be working with me every week with behavioural and attachment therapy, the therapist who has been working with me up until now was assessing me and working with the trauma and looking at the behaviour resulting from this, we decided I needed EMDR because of the trauma but I felt that EMDR would not be fully effective without the core issue of attachment disorder being treated first. Because how can we make it all better if the middle is missing? I need to realign my relationship with people in order to have a base to start from.



Tony did another ironic blog http://tonymusings.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/the-parable-of-respectable-people.html

I have to check with everyone to make sure I understand these ironic blogs. Tony assured us that it was.

I suppose it is because I am the last, the least and the lost. Haha. What am I doing up at twenty-to-one in the morning? Well, I suppose because I was sick and slept during the day.

I was always told that the parable of the lost sheep means that one sinner is worth more than 99 Christians anyway.
But the Church of England isn't really a Christian organization. And I am a Catholic.

Sunday 24 November 2013

lost last and least :)

Good evening,
People have been asking where I have been.
Well, I wasn't very well.

I am back. I am having conversations about Bishop Dakin's statement.

I guess it was Luther-Pendragon's statement really. Hence the bizarre and arrogant 'called to help the lost the last and the least'.
Can he hear himself? His Diocese excludes the poor, his diocese have treated me appallingly, I wouldn't trust anything from them, let alone unsolicited 'help', after being forced on and violated by them so much before. But to describe me as 'lost', 'last' or 'least' is pretty appalling, really.