Saturday, 16 November 2013
I'm liking the comments on Rico's blog tonight, we have someone who understands autism and is explaining it, being understood is so rare, it is like an oasis in a desert.
It is the latest clutch of comments that are so helpful.
http://ricosorda.blogspot.co.uk/
It is the latest clutch of comments that are so helpful.
http://ricosorda.blogspot.co.uk/
The Bishop of Winchester decided to relaunch his efforts against me today, this was my reply by email cc the police who consistently refuse to do anything to protect me, excuse the spelling error!
STOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOSTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MEP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING ME
Bishops, fat people who ignore abuse.
Thoughts provoked by media this morning.
What if Bishops, those high up in the big houses and with all the power, started talking the issues of abuse of children and vulnerable adults.
By tackling I do not mean spouting off in the media, glorifying themselves or reluctantly facing the hundreds of abuse and misconduct complaints that they receive.
It would be better for their souls than their usual routines of pomp and high profile fattening dinners.
The Day Bishops start actively helping abuse victims, making proper provision for their welfare and recovery, and dealing with the abusers openly, then things will change.
I am not talking about my case. I am talking about in general.
The problem is, a lot of abusers are high profile and protected, as in my case, both of my abusers had the right connections and neither were dealt with by the church.
What if Bishops, those high up in the big houses and with all the power, started talking the issues of abuse of children and vulnerable adults.
By tackling I do not mean spouting off in the media, glorifying themselves or reluctantly facing the hundreds of abuse and misconduct complaints that they receive.
It would be better for their souls than their usual routines of pomp and high profile fattening dinners.
The Day Bishops start actively helping abuse victims, making proper provision for their welfare and recovery, and dealing with the abusers openly, then things will change.
I am not talking about my case. I am talking about in general.
The problem is, a lot of abusers are high profile and protected, as in my case, both of my abusers had the right connections and neither were dealt with by the church.
Friday, 15 November 2013
Paradise Island 2
I was just meditating on my post about Jersey yesterday, and I feel the need to add, Jersey is not all bad, of course. In fact I was fond of Jersey.
I loved the North Coast, and I used to scare the life out of people by free-climbing the cliffs there alone, ok, it was stupid of me, but I loved rock climbing, I also spent many happy hours up at Corbiere on the rocks there and behind the Highlands hotel. I loved St.Ouen's bay, the most beautiful place on earth. And although I was never a good surfer because of the weakness in my right leg, I loved boogie boarding and running on the hard sand and sitting in my car on a spring tide, watching the waves crash over the sea wall.
And Jersey was very photogenic, I spent many hours doing photography in Jersey and also on Sark and Guernsey, but sadly most of my work has been lost.
My other favourite place in Jersey was Grev d'Azette and Green Island, many happy hours there, picnics with my little group, climbing up the island, bacon rolls, and walking Algie the rug, a bearded collie who liked to go in the sea and end up like a wet mop and stink my car out :) ah, yes, those were good days. Oh, and I must not forget low water fishing and cooking what we caught, those were happy times.
My other joy, my main joy, in Jersey, was sailing, dinghy sailing and racing on the bay, and sailing the bigger boats over to France and the other islands, I was so happy out on the water. It is still catastrophic to me that I lost my on little boat.
I have been offered several chances of returning to Jersey to lodge but I decided it was not going to help me in the long term, it is not a safe place for me and would be too traumatic, Jersey is nice to visit but we decided I need to stay here.
I was talking about the bad side of Jersey in my previous post, and I remembered today how I used to sit with a former police officer (not Bob Hill) and talk about the problems Jersey had, and although at the time I still didn't know how bad the problems in Jersey were, I knew Jersey had problems.
One of the things that this former police officer, (who was a lovely man who had been dealt a bad hand in life), talked about, and we agreed. That Jersey is being built on far too much, and even while I was there, I saw so much building, and so much roadworks causing chaos, and the former policeman told me that it was all about money, and that building was being done where building should not be done.
I guess the cliffs of the North coast and the dunes of St. Ouens bay cannot be built on, but there is less and less green open space in Jersey, and it used to make me sad.
In many ways I am glad I am not in Jersey. But that does not mean I should have been forced to leave as I was.
I loved the North Coast, and I used to scare the life out of people by free-climbing the cliffs there alone, ok, it was stupid of me, but I loved rock climbing, I also spent many happy hours up at Corbiere on the rocks there and behind the Highlands hotel. I loved St.Ouen's bay, the most beautiful place on earth. And although I was never a good surfer because of the weakness in my right leg, I loved boogie boarding and running on the hard sand and sitting in my car on a spring tide, watching the waves crash over the sea wall.
And Jersey was very photogenic, I spent many hours doing photography in Jersey and also on Sark and Guernsey, but sadly most of my work has been lost.
My other favourite place in Jersey was Grev d'Azette and Green Island, many happy hours there, picnics with my little group, climbing up the island, bacon rolls, and walking Algie the rug, a bearded collie who liked to go in the sea and end up like a wet mop and stink my car out :) ah, yes, those were good days. Oh, and I must not forget low water fishing and cooking what we caught, those were happy times.
My other joy, my main joy, in Jersey, was sailing, dinghy sailing and racing on the bay, and sailing the bigger boats over to France and the other islands, I was so happy out on the water. It is still catastrophic to me that I lost my on little boat.
I have been offered several chances of returning to Jersey to lodge but I decided it was not going to help me in the long term, it is not a safe place for me and would be too traumatic, Jersey is nice to visit but we decided I need to stay here.
I was talking about the bad side of Jersey in my previous post, and I remembered today how I used to sit with a former police officer (not Bob Hill) and talk about the problems Jersey had, and although at the time I still didn't know how bad the problems in Jersey were, I knew Jersey had problems.
One of the things that this former police officer, (who was a lovely man who had been dealt a bad hand in life), talked about, and we agreed. That Jersey is being built on far too much, and even while I was there, I saw so much building, and so much roadworks causing chaos, and the former policeman told me that it was all about money, and that building was being done where building should not be done.
I guess the cliffs of the North coast and the dunes of St. Ouens bay cannot be built on, but there is less and less green open space in Jersey, and it used to make me sad.
In many ways I am glad I am not in Jersey. But that does not mean I should have been forced to leave as I was.
Thursday, 14 November 2013
Paradise Island
http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/no-body-remains.html?showComment=1297173516052#c4689325376844778442
Because Jersey is just a sunny island where everything is happy.
Sadly Jersey isn't.
Jersey, which portrays itself as a democracy, but behind the scenes, the finance industry and a group of politician/judiciary crossovers, run the island to suit themselves.
Jersey isn't a land of lovely brown cows, there are only a few herds left, and I remember a whole herd being moved down to the port to be shipped to England, there are only a few farms left and poorly-treated immigrants work the land and farm the potatoes, so far removed from the wealthy politicians and finance workers who run and ruin the island.
The south of the island is very built up, I was shocked when I first saw Jersey and the miles of buildings, this was not the beautiful island that is portrayed in brochures. The dusty and ugly St. Helier and the run down gloom of First Tower.
There is still some physical beauty to Jersey, but it is no idyllic island paradise, it is a finance centre.
Jersey has had a number of 'problems' over the years, that have come to the surface like infections, and which have been swiftly covered up. And undoubtedly further problems which have never come to the surface, mainly because you risk your job and your quality of life if you speak up in Jersey, and most of the injured parties are vulnerable.
Haute de la Garrenne hit the headlines, much to the dismay of the little clique who run Jersey, and they made fools of themselves trying to cover up and trying to change what had happened and play it down, and eventually the publicity died down and the 'Jersey Way' kicked in and closed the whole matter down, apart from the bloggers continuing to question it.
Victoria College had a problem with abuse, but again it was handled 'The Jersey Way' and silenced. Again the same little clique were involved.
There was also the case of serial rapist Vicar, Peter Manford. The problem with Jersey when it comes to abuse in the church is that the Diocese of Winchester hear nothing, see nothing, and wont get involved, because they have no power over their clergy in Jersey, and the churches and the politicians/judiciary who run the island are deeply interconnected. So it all gets squashed, the Jersey way.
My complaint against the churchwarden was handled the 'Jersey Way' and he remained in positions in church and I was left homeless and destroyed.
Jersey manages to get away with a lot, and does not provide adequate welfare, protection and education to the less well off.
I remember an 11 year old who was at First Tower School, who was not dyslexic but she could hardly read or write, and recently a teacher who shot a pupil in the face with a starting pistol and didn't even ensure he was medically examined, was allowed back to work.
The police Force are less than honest and more than a bit heavy handed.
And the housing system is bad, expensive, and for migrant workers, non-qualified people and people in poverty, the housing can be in a shocking condition and the landlords/ladies often treat tenants like animals, not allowing any privacy and rifling through tenants private posessions.
Those who think Jersey is a lovely little island, and the 'honeymoon island', behind the scenes, it is not always a lovely place to live. The reality is a bit different from the holiday.
Because Jersey is just a sunny island where everything is happy.
Sadly Jersey isn't.
Jersey, which portrays itself as a democracy, but behind the scenes, the finance industry and a group of politician/judiciary crossovers, run the island to suit themselves.
Jersey isn't a land of lovely brown cows, there are only a few herds left, and I remember a whole herd being moved down to the port to be shipped to England, there are only a few farms left and poorly-treated immigrants work the land and farm the potatoes, so far removed from the wealthy politicians and finance workers who run and ruin the island.
The south of the island is very built up, I was shocked when I first saw Jersey and the miles of buildings, this was not the beautiful island that is portrayed in brochures. The dusty and ugly St. Helier and the run down gloom of First Tower.
There is still some physical beauty to Jersey, but it is no idyllic island paradise, it is a finance centre.
Jersey has had a number of 'problems' over the years, that have come to the surface like infections, and which have been swiftly covered up. And undoubtedly further problems which have never come to the surface, mainly because you risk your job and your quality of life if you speak up in Jersey, and most of the injured parties are vulnerable.
Haute de la Garrenne hit the headlines, much to the dismay of the little clique who run Jersey, and they made fools of themselves trying to cover up and trying to change what had happened and play it down, and eventually the publicity died down and the 'Jersey Way' kicked in and closed the whole matter down, apart from the bloggers continuing to question it.
Victoria College had a problem with abuse, but again it was handled 'The Jersey Way' and silenced. Again the same little clique were involved.
There was also the case of serial rapist Vicar, Peter Manford. The problem with Jersey when it comes to abuse in the church is that the Diocese of Winchester hear nothing, see nothing, and wont get involved, because they have no power over their clergy in Jersey, and the churches and the politicians/judiciary who run the island are deeply interconnected. So it all gets squashed, the Jersey way.
My complaint against the churchwarden was handled the 'Jersey Way' and he remained in positions in church and I was left homeless and destroyed.
Jersey manages to get away with a lot, and does not provide adequate welfare, protection and education to the less well off.
I remember an 11 year old who was at First Tower School, who was not dyslexic but she could hardly read or write, and recently a teacher who shot a pupil in the face with a starting pistol and didn't even ensure he was medically examined, was allowed back to work.
The police Force are less than honest and more than a bit heavy handed.
And the housing system is bad, expensive, and for migrant workers, non-qualified people and people in poverty, the housing can be in a shocking condition and the landlords/ladies often treat tenants like animals, not allowing any privacy and rifling through tenants private posessions.
Those who think Jersey is a lovely little island, and the 'honeymoon island', behind the scenes, it is not always a lovely place to live. The reality is a bit different from the holiday.
Revolutionizing the church of England. Unheard of changes.
The church of England needs the following:
Anti-discrimination and anti-bullying policies and procedures. Why will this be revolutionary? Well the Church of England contains such deeply ingrained prejudice and narrowmindedness that trying to teach the old ladies not to call people with autism 'mentally retarded', and changing that whole attitude to the poor and vulnerable will cause outcry and outrage.
They are so used to that attitude that they cannot see themselves as doing anything wrong.
But, the very simple thing is. Their attitude is not Jesus' attitude, and is that not a good enough reason to change?
As I write this, I remember a lady Vicar spouting and pouting about 'The Bible being sexist', Oh my! Get over yourself! What a thing to sit and complain about at Bible study! If you don't like it, then what are you doing there!
I do not see the Bible as sexist at all :) I think the Bible is great! I just wish the Church of England would read it and apply it, rather than trying to change it to suit themselves.
Here endeth the lesson.
The church of England do need a proper set of ethics for clergy; and excluding vulnerable people from clergy houses is not an ethic, it is a discrimination on the par of the description above of the old ladies calling someone with autism 'mentally retarded', it is a hurtful and isolating discrimination.
Instead of scapegoating the vulnerable and making them into a burden, the church should be being Christians and ensuring vulnerable people have strength, an advocate in each church and inclusion.
The church of England needs the following:
Anti-discrimination and anti-bullying policies and procedures. Why will this be revolutionary? Well the Church of England contains such deeply ingrained prejudice and narrowmindedness that trying to teach the old ladies not to call people with autism 'mentally retarded', and changing that whole attitude to the poor and vulnerable will cause outcry and outrage.
They are so used to that attitude that they cannot see themselves as doing anything wrong.
But, the very simple thing is. Their attitude is not Jesus' attitude, and is that not a good enough reason to change?
As I write this, I remember a lady Vicar spouting and pouting about 'The Bible being sexist', Oh my! Get over yourself! What a thing to sit and complain about at Bible study! If you don't like it, then what are you doing there!
I do not see the Bible as sexist at all :) I think the Bible is great! I just wish the Church of England would read it and apply it, rather than trying to change it to suit themselves.
Here endeth the lesson.
The church of England do need a proper set of ethics for clergy; and excluding vulnerable people from clergy houses is not an ethic, it is a discrimination on the par of the description above of the old ladies calling someone with autism 'mentally retarded', it is a hurtful and isolating discrimination.
Instead of scapegoating the vulnerable and making them into a burden, the church should be being Christians and ensuring vulnerable people have strength, an advocate in each church and inclusion.
more hot air than a heating grate, and I like heating grates. This was all the news and I was blissfully oblivious
http://www.
These are some of the links to the silly, frilly, insincere public apologies, which the Bishop and Archbishop refused to follow up with personal ones, although the Bishop untruthfully told the press that he did. No wonder a report has been done that does not include my side of things, this publicity stunt that went wrong has cost them and made them look bad.
telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/9919405/Archbishop-of-Canterbury-offers-personal-apology-to-victim-over-abuse-claims.html …
…dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2290704/Archbishop-Canterbury-offers-personal-apology-victim-abused-cleric-badly-let-church-investigation.html …
These are some of the links to the silly, frilly, insincere public apologies, which the Bishop and Archbishop refused to follow up with personal ones, although the Bishop untruthfully told the press that he did. No wonder a report has been done that does not include my side of things, this publicity stunt that went wrong has cost them and made them look bad.
telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/9919405/Archbishop-of-Canterbury-offers-personal-apology-to-victim-over-abuse-claims.html …
…dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2290704/Archbishop-Canterbury-offers-personal-apology-victim-abused-cleric-badly-let-church-investigation.html …
The comments on Bob's blog are throwing up some interesting things, very interesting.
I still do not know what a pneumatic is, but it is good to know that there are people reading and understanding that I am not just the villian that Bailhache, LeMarquand, Willing and Steel and the rest of them make me out to be on Bob Key's behalf.
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/jeseys-dean-deputy-mike-higgins-oral.html#comment-form
I still do not know what a pneumatic is, but it is good to know that there are people reading and understanding that I am not just the villian that Bailhache, LeMarquand, Willing and Steel and the rest of them make me out to be on Bob Key's behalf.
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/jeseys-dean-deputy-mike-higgins-oral.html#comment-form
Good morning,
another bout of debilitating pain is crippling me at the moment, so I will try to write but am a bit lacking in concentration.
I hope that those who are linking to the Wanderer blog are finding it interesting, it was interesting for me to relive it as I read it through in the last few days.
I apparently asked the Hope Of Survivors if they had any information on Pastoral Care boundaries recently, I don't remember doing so but I have seen my email to them and I have had a reply, this is a link to their advice to clergy.
http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com/are_you_a_pastor.php
In case you are wondering, I am not anti-church in any way, and I do like to go to church but due to attachment disorder and autism and life experience, I do not respond well to being intensely helped by church members, and I am honest about that, and if I go to a church I am honest about my circumstances and also honest in telling them that close involvement will not help as I get distressed.
The current two churches that I attend do not get closely involved with me but I am as much part of the fellowship as anyone, and that is clearly what works best with me.
I have a feeling I asked about guidelines in Pastoral care because they seem to be surprisingly lacking in places like the Diocese of Winchester. Who step in and close the door after the horse has bolted but do not appear to provide any solid guidance or supervision.
another bout of debilitating pain is crippling me at the moment, so I will try to write but am a bit lacking in concentration.
I hope that those who are linking to the Wanderer blog are finding it interesting, it was interesting for me to relive it as I read it through in the last few days.
I apparently asked the Hope Of Survivors if they had any information on Pastoral Care boundaries recently, I don't remember doing so but I have seen my email to them and I have had a reply, this is a link to their advice to clergy.
http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com/are_you_a_pastor.php
In case you are wondering, I am not anti-church in any way, and I do like to go to church but due to attachment disorder and autism and life experience, I do not respond well to being intensely helped by church members, and I am honest about that, and if I go to a church I am honest about my circumstances and also honest in telling them that close involvement will not help as I get distressed.
The current two churches that I attend do not get closely involved with me but I am as much part of the fellowship as anyone, and that is clearly what works best with me.
I have a feeling I asked about guidelines in Pastoral care because they seem to be surprisingly lacking in places like the Diocese of Winchester. Who step in and close the door after the horse has bolted but do not appear to provide any solid guidance or supervision.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
The Wanderer
Welcome to The Wanderer, I have decided to be brave and share it with you.
Remember it is written by someone on the autism spectrum in distress and living a very unstable lifestyle on the streets.
The Wanderer started in October 2011 as a combined day to day and historic blog called 'Homeless' and was divided into the day to day blog 'The Wanderer' and the historic blog 'Homeless' in 2012.
I am only sharing 'The Wanderer' today. I may share 'Homeless' at a different point.
I have been evaluating the wanderer, and the page you land on from the link is the final page of the two years blog, and it looks a bit scrappy, but that is because the blog was ending and my attention has been on the Dame steel destroyal of me. I urge you to start with the 2011-2012 part of the blog, the high adventure and the grief of the church.
Introduction:
Started as a suicide note after being destroyed by the church of england, the blog itself became a lifeline and shows my progression from deeply traumatized to more settled and the tragic re-intervention of the Church of England in the end which undid the rebuild of my life and left me unsettled and alienated by people who heard the church of england's smears about me. It was inevitable that the Church of England would come after me, they are vengeful, and as you will see throughout the blog, I lived in fear of this happening.
Remember it is written by someone on the autism spectrum in distress and living a very unstable lifestyle on the streets.
The Wanderer started in October 2011 as a combined day to day and historic blog called 'Homeless' and was divided into the day to day blog 'The Wanderer' and the historic blog 'Homeless' in 2012.
I am only sharing 'The Wanderer' today. I may share 'Homeless' at a different point.
I have been evaluating the wanderer, and the page you land on from the link is the final page of the two years blog, and it looks a bit scrappy, but that is because the blog was ending and my attention has been on the Dame steel destroyal of me. I urge you to start with the 2011-2012 part of the blog, the high adventure and the grief of the church.
Introduction:
Started as a suicide note after being destroyed by the church of england, the blog itself became a lifeline and shows my progression from deeply traumatized to more settled and the tragic re-intervention of the Church of England in the end which undid the rebuild of my life and left me unsettled and alienated by people who heard the church of england's smears about me. It was inevitable that the Church of England would come after me, they are vengeful, and as you will see throughout the blog, I lived in fear of this happening.
In May 2013 there are a number of desparate and bizarre posts as I suffered once again at the hands of the church of England and considered suicide, I considered deleting these posts but decided to leave them.
This blog shows a clear inside view of an unusual life on the streets.
In the earliest part of the blog, a number of mentions are made of me writing about my life and the church in this blog, and I did, when this blog was originally called 'Homeless', but what happened was, I decided to separate the writing about my past and the church of England from this blog as the blog became top heavy and complicated with both historic and day to day posts, and was confusing some people, thus, this blog, 'The Wanderer' took the day to day posts, and almost all the historic posts are in another blog called 'Homeless' which is currently offline, but for the first year of this blog you can read my deep distress about the church of England, before I begin to recover and bit, just to have them launch on me.
Both in this blog and 'Homeless' all real names are changed, converted to initials or omitted, both people's names and place names, for security and privacy and to keep me from being traced.
To fully understand 'The Wanderer' It is best started from the beginning in October 2011and read backwards to October this year, although that is harder than it sounds, and you have to know how blog archives work in order to do it.
This blog is dedicated to V. who is an angel and a shining light in the darkness, and to all my street brothers and sisters and everyone who has helped us, it has been an amazing and incredible adventure.
The Wanderer:
Tuesday, 12 November 2013
Written on 28/11/2011 in my homeless blog, I am really pleased with this and to read and recall a lot of what I wrote back then
The more I hear of the church the more I wonder what on earth the future of the world is when people go into the church to escape the evil of the world and be safe and in church the evil is very much present but disguised, sanctioned, excused and covered up in a way that it isn't in any other organisation or place in the world, the church have complete policy systems and laws to cover up and to protect the church from liability, these laws also protect the abusers, but the victims are the people who are not protected or helped or acknowledged except in a certain way that is also done to protect the church.
The unheard scream is 'where is Jesus in all this', and if the church should chance to hear this scream they respond with finger wagging lectures about 'forgiveness' and reproaches, as if that is any sort of answer.
when are things going to change? My wish, and my dying wish if I don't survive the way the church have crippled me and left me invalidated as a person is that the church should lose their right to be exclusive, that they are audited on abuse cases and misconducts by organizations outside the church, they will scream about that being unfair because of prejudice and secular organizations being against them, but isn't it better for this destroyal of lives by the church systems to stop? To me a human life is the most valuable thing on this earth, and a vulnerable life should be protected, but the church, who are supposedly following Christ, place no value at all on a vulnerable human life when it comes to the matter of abuse and the issue of the church protecting themselves against scandal.
Isn't it time that the church are no longer immune from legal actiions due to their status, and are no longer treated as being truthful and righteous when they are not being, time they were no longer allowed to be such a big voice that they drown out the smaller voices of abuse victims who try to stand up to them?
I want to see all this change, I want victims to no longer be shamed into silence, and the church that is part of the government in this country should be held to account just as other government departments supposedly would be if their staff had hundreds of abuse and misconduct allegations made against them every month, and especially as the church themselves are not actually practicing what they preach each week, are not following Christ's teachings, Christ Himself was homeless, poor, wounded by the church of the day, He didn't live in a palace and have servants and a big salary. The church will cry out that secular intervention would be 'prejudiced' and 'damaging to the faith', but that is indeed what their own policies and procedures towards abuse are anyway.
I will continue this another time. I am sleepy.
The unheard scream is 'where is Jesus in all this', and if the church should chance to hear this scream they respond with finger wagging lectures about 'forgiveness' and reproaches, as if that is any sort of answer.
when are things going to change? My wish, and my dying wish if I don't survive the way the church have crippled me and left me invalidated as a person is that the church should lose their right to be exclusive, that they are audited on abuse cases and misconducts by organizations outside the church, they will scream about that being unfair because of prejudice and secular organizations being against them, but isn't it better for this destroyal of lives by the church systems to stop? To me a human life is the most valuable thing on this earth, and a vulnerable life should be protected, but the church, who are supposedly following Christ, place no value at all on a vulnerable human life when it comes to the matter of abuse and the issue of the church protecting themselves against scandal.
Isn't it time that the church are no longer immune from legal actiions due to their status, and are no longer treated as being truthful and righteous when they are not being, time they were no longer allowed to be such a big voice that they drown out the smaller voices of abuse victims who try to stand up to them?
I want to see all this change, I want victims to no longer be shamed into silence, and the church that is part of the government in this country should be held to account just as other government departments supposedly would be if their staff had hundreds of abuse and misconduct allegations made against them every month, and especially as the church themselves are not actually practicing what they preach each week, are not following Christ's teachings, Christ Himself was homeless, poor, wounded by the church of the day, He didn't live in a palace and have servants and a big salary. The church will cry out that secular intervention would be 'prejudiced' and 'damaging to the faith', but that is indeed what their own policies and procedures towards abuse are anyway.
I will continue this another time. I am sleepy.
Monday, 11 November 2013
Good evening,
Sorry I am still not posting much. Bob Hill has a new blog today, if you want to catch up on his view on things, of course I tend not to read his blogs in full as they re-traumatize me, but I do join in the discussion on the comments board. Not reading the blog but commenting on the comments means I am sharing my own perspective with everyone, no matter what the blog says.
Bob's view of what happened is sometimes different from mine, but it is nice to get an outside perspective isn't it? I have no influence over Bob, oh no, he is as stubborn as a mule, won't be deterred from speaking out. Bob tends to focus on the Jersey side of things and does not include before or since. But that is because he is one of Jersey's independent media.
I am, as you can see, adding links at the side of my blog, mainly for other survivors. as I said in my original homeless blog, where I shared many links, if I can help one other survivor to survive, then my life has been worth living.
What's it like here? rain clearing to cold, and low mood.
Bob's latest, blog, and those who don't know, he has been blogging merrily on the subject since March.
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/jeseys-dean-deputy-mike-higgins-oral.html
Sorry I am still not posting much. Bob Hill has a new blog today, if you want to catch up on his view on things, of course I tend not to read his blogs in full as they re-traumatize me, but I do join in the discussion on the comments board. Not reading the blog but commenting on the comments means I am sharing my own perspective with everyone, no matter what the blog says.
Bob's view of what happened is sometimes different from mine, but it is nice to get an outside perspective isn't it? I have no influence over Bob, oh no, he is as stubborn as a mule, won't be deterred from speaking out. Bob tends to focus on the Jersey side of things and does not include before or since. But that is because he is one of Jersey's independent media.
I am, as you can see, adding links at the side of my blog, mainly for other survivors. as I said in my original homeless blog, where I shared many links, if I can help one other survivor to survive, then my life has been worth living.
What's it like here? rain clearing to cold, and low mood.
Bob's latest, blog, and those who don't know, he has been blogging merrily on the subject since March.
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/jeseys-dean-deputy-mike-higgins-oral.html
Sunday, 10 November 2013
Written 15/01/2013, this shows some of the suffering I have endured in between being deported and left destitute and being traced again by the Diocese and made to suffer horribly until right now
So much hurt:
I started crying, the memories and the injustice still overwhelm me.I still remember how they made it out to be all just me and tried to force me to be insane until I was believing them yet knowing it couldn’t be really true.
If you force something on someone with autism for long enough you can make them believe it even though it isn’t true, and the same goes for someone who grew up in cult circumstances.
There is so much that I still cannot write, it hurts me too much.
Every day the flashbacks, the pain the shame and the fear in which I still live overwhelms me and I have to work hard to stay on an even keel, especially as I cannot let their attempts to label me as mad become a fact, a reality, and so I hold my life together and suffer horrendously but in silence, because I have no voice, they silenced me and ensured that I had no credibility.
I feel everything, because there was no solution, no resolution, no conclusion to what happened. Just a trial in which I had no voice, that told me that if these people represented God then God was unjust, cold, a liar, cruel and without a scrap of mercy.
Every night I am on trial or being verbally or physically beaten and every day I wake in distress.I try to defend myself, explain myself over and over, I try to see a way that I can be heard, but I have no voice.
I try to help myself and see a future but I cannot rebuild on the utterly destroyed ruins of my life, razed to the ground and the always unstable foundations beyond repair.
I scream out silently to be released from what is not serious mental illness but a living death caused by what has happened, a world in which I have no place and where there is nothing that can help me.
Every day I work on self-help, just as I did as I tried to learn to live in the real world after escaping the cult environment in which I grew up. But this time there is no hope, originally poverty and disability hampered my development, when I was a young adult, as well as wrong handling by people who didn’t understand, but now I am held back by being branded, ruined and with a terrible record that I have no voice to stand against.
Every day I do a mood chart and every day it tells me I am suffering severe depression, but I do nothing but hold my life together, I will not allow that diocese to get the triumph of headlining my suicide as a mentally ill criminal, I have to hold on in a life that has no worth, no purpose, I will never drive again, I will never work again, I do not know if I will ever live indoors again but I suffer such bad flashbacks and distress indoors. I panic in my sleep, trapped and terrified in my subconscious.
My life is limited, I cannot tell anyone what has happened to me, and the diocese have invalidated me, I will never be able to do volunteer work and am excluded from most careers, I will never be able to do anything that involves disclosing my background or getting a medical report, and most jobs and things that include you in society require this, and people who know me do not know I cannot do this as they cannot imagine that I could be a bad terrible person on record because in real life I am quiet and childlike.
The level, the depth and the breadth of the hurts is too much, too many individual hurts branching off the core hurt. Trying to verbalise everything to someone seems too much, is too much, and so few people have knowledge of psychological damage, of church-based abuse, of the things I grew up with, which left me as an unsocialised and immature adult with a shattered psyche and open to abuse.
I am punished every single day and will be for the rest of my life, I was no match for the wrongdoers in the diocese who remain unpunished and unrepentant and keep their homes and privilages, mostly supported by the diocese and the church.I reacted, I fought back, I lost control because I was so badly damaged, and I am unforgiv en and unforgive en on record forever and so I cannot forgive myself. Especially I cannot forgive myself for falling prey to abusers and their clergy supporters.
My story was never fully heard by the Bishop and Diocese who were busy protecting themselves against liability, but they were quick to condemn me based on the words of people who had done wrong and who’s aim was to protect themselves and the abusers.There was no unbiased person involved and no one who heard me with an unbiased ear.
Church will always be traumatic for me, and attending church causes me shock, God who I needed as a Father is
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)