Anything and Everything

Good evening,

Sometimes I just feel like writing about anything and everything. It's an Ould habit.

Church joke (They must be joking):
Let's start with The CofE's latest desperate ploy to get people into church - using comedy. It is tempting to make a cheap shot and say that the Church of England are a joke as it is, but that would be shallow, I will instead a-muse on the situation :)

Firstly, I wish the church well in their comedy, but, they already have a tradition, in my experience, of inappropriate anecdotes and poor taste jokes during sermons, and they have been doing this throughout the time I have known them, and I don't think it changes a thing, but it does detract from what the sermon and service should be focussed on.
God isn't a joke. Yes, a service can be lighthearted, humerous, but the Church are so desparate, that they are in danger of undermining the purpose of the church service, and they already undermine it with Vicars and curates waffling on in anecdotes about their own lives that they think are funny and the congregation dutifully laughs, I have heard so many rubbish jokes, especially from George Lihou and Mike Taylor, jokes copied from a book, incongruent, badly told, not funny and making the service worthless. Where does the Church of England get money to employ comedians to teach their Priests to make services comical, when they are not paying compensation to the abuse victims that Justin Welby 'Weeps over'.

Jeff Southern, Jersey Politics (Maybe the Church can learn comedy from Jersey Politics).

Who is he? A Mezecite, I think, and Mezec is praising the Establishment in his latest blog, apparently the States members are all sudden loyal and dedicated people, doing their best for Jersey, Mezec is obviously running for Senator soon, because he has changed his tune.
I had a dream the other night that someone told me to speak to Jeff Southern, or is it Geoff Southern, about the Church matter, the person in the dream was so adamant, but dammit, no one has a solution to the massive corruption and abuse of power that is behind the actions of Jersey States, Judiciary and Police members who have destroyed me. No-one, and there will never be justice. Southern is only a deputy, what can he do? Apart from spout hot air like Higgins does at regular intervals.


Adoptive parents:

As you know, if you read my blogs, I am an adoptive daughter, and my adoptive mum proudly told that to everyone I introduced her to on Monday :) I love my Muvver.

As you know, I have been widely maligned for being naïve enough to let people, the Montagues, Lihous and Avertys, take over my life and call themselves 'family' to me, and each time they have taken me over, tried to magically cure me, got a lot of defensive anger for me and vilified and branded me for it, all three couples in collaboration with the political-judiciary circle from Jersey.

The Church of England keep mumbling a numb, dumb press release about how 'vulnerable adults sometimes get taken in and boundaries are crossed'. This is in line with their apartheid on poor and single vulnerable adults, maybe they should come into the real world, where a mixed up church contains a lot of bored old people and few vulnerable people, and the old people try to 'cure' the vulnerable, forcefully, Godding them and their problems to the point of abuse, and being disappointed and blaming the vulnerable person for responding with anger and distress.

You cannot cure a childhood of abuse by taking over the vulnerable adult, trying cackhandedly to act as a parent to them and putting them in a childhood position, not being prepared for the response as you make them a child again, cure for trauma does not come sweet and quiet, it comes through rage and grief. And these idiots, the Montagues, Lihous and Avertys, set the situations up, themselves, and felt proud of themselves, as they destroyed me and widely vilified me for my response, especially as there was sexual abuse in the case of the Montagues and Avertys, and dangerously irresponsible actions in all cases.

I know I have described this before in the post about my adoptive parents now, but it is incredible how different the situation has been with my adoptive Mum and her husband, who have been my friends since early 2011.
The adoptive parents didn't take over my life, in fact their boundaries and emotional competence in my case have been outstanding. They didn't do as the Church of England do, they didn't bulldoze, take over and expect miracles and vilify me for my reaction.
They became my friends, they did not take me over, and they proved trustworthy when the Diocese tried to take them from me by slander.

 The Church of England's well off congregations really do not understand the poor and vulnerable and so they are an embarrassment.
The only way anyone can help me is if they are trustworthy, and do not spread my confidences round the community and leave me belittled and abuse me. My now adoptive parents are trustworthy, and the people who took me over in the Church of England were not.

So when will the Church of England, who can't see past the ends of their noses, stop being a comedy act and actually look at the faults that their Church is riddled with and stop stoning me? They need to start by selling everything they own so that they can start to understand the poor and follow Christ's teachings.

The Death of a Homeless Hero:

Anne Naysmith. This inspirational and much loved lady demonstrated how long term homelessness can be caused, and how it can be addictive, and sustainable.
It was hard for me to learn to live indoors after over three years homeless. And even now, I sometimes think it would be easier to simply sleep rough.

Links: http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/feb/11/homeless-ex-pianist-anne-naysmith-dies-in-road-accident

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/car-lady-of-chiswick-roughsleeping-former-concert-pianist-anne-naysmith-dies-10044112.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/11405187/Anne-Naysmith-pianist-obituary.html

emails between me and JM, November 2007, refuting the church smears again

Actions 

Revd ***************** (revdj***************)

Add to contacts

27/11/2007

To: *********************

Dear ********,

Come back whenever you want to, you are always welcome.

Sorry about the dentist, but I love the definition!

We have been having fun here – we had St ***********s patronal; festival evensong last Sunday, where I dedicated the new pulpit and lectern falls etc sewn by Anne W and the rest of the sewing group, and tow wafer boxes given in memory of Jenny Parsons. Earlier in the day the heating had failed, so we had brought in electric radiators, fan heaters etc, to provide some warmth. The just as I was about to bless the gifts, the trip switch went off and plunged us all into darkness. I just stood where I was (preferable to falling over something or someone), and said ‘I think we must have overloaded the circuit’ in a rather lame way. People soon produced torches and we switched off some of the heaters, and they reset the trip, but we now have to have the electrician to rewire the junction box, as well as the gasman to fix the boiler – I can feel a Flanders and Swan coming on! Fortunately we have not burnt the church down!

Must dash, I have a baptism visit to do,

See you soon, take care,

Love,

J****

Actions 

***************

24/11/2007

To: Revd *****************

Hi,
Can I come back soon,
I need solitaire.
Been to the dentist, thats the place where they charge the earth to torture you.
Been dog walking on the beach today, very wet, been helping dad build trolley last night.
 
J.

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From: revd***************
To:******************
Subject: RE: ohhumpf
Date: Thu, 22 Nov 2007 22:30:02 +0000

Hi ******,

I am delighted that you have found another job so soon, but sorry that you are on antibiotics once again. You are always in my prayers.

Love,

*******

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From: *************************
Sent: 22 November 2007 15:45
To: Revd *******************
Subject: RE: ohhumpf

Hi,
Yes it was the new one, but I got a good payout, and have found another job.
I am still sick, but I am on antibiotics, very tired and dizzy. Back in work next week.
Please pray especially for one of my frienships as well.
 
God bless, 
 
******

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From: revd**************
To: *******************
Subject: RE: ohhumpf
Date: Wed, 21 Nov 2007 11:50:20 +0000

Dear *****,

I am so sorry, have you been made redundant from the old job or the new one? Surley it cannot be the new one as they have only just appointed you and wouldn’t be giving you a good payout.

I am also sorry that you are not well, I know the feeling at the moment and can truly empathise – especially if you have one of these wretched viruses that seem to be afflicting us all at the moment.

Are there many jobs available over there?

Take care, I am thinking of you and praying for you.

Love,

******

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From: *********************
Sent: 19 November 2007 11:24
To: mad vicar
Subject: ohhumpf

Hi *****,
are you there?
Please pray for me, made redundant, also quite ill physically.
All well apart from that. Good payout. Good parents. Good tea.
 
Byebye,
 
******

JM

Here's a thought.
If I was 'causing all that trouble' to JM and her benefice, for years, as claimed in the defamation of me.
Why was JM my close friend for so many years?
Why did the Diocese not know about me until I contacted them in 2008 when Bob Key refused to deal with my complaint.
And why was JM still my friend, despite her support of the abuser in Jersey, until her husband's abuse of me was brought into the matter because of JM's involvement in the Jersey matter?

JM email

From: *********@downsbenefice.org.uk
To: *********@hotmail.co.uk
Date: Fri, 18 Sep 2009 02:20:58 -0700
Subject: RE: for (JM) only

Der ******

I have not replied before because you have always said any email would be deleted unread, so I just stopped trying.

I have been very sad about all that has happened, and I too have dreamed, of seeing you again and laughing and talking in our old way.

I have never stopped loving you, and I fear for you.

Do not worry about me, I am OK, and about to go away tomorrow with Annie and Mum for a fortnight.

I don’t have time to write more now, but if you want me to I will reply to future emails.

Love,

(JM)

Revd (JM)

Please note my new e-mail address with immediate effect is ***********@downsbenefice.org.uk

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From: ***** ****** [mailto:*********@hotmail.co.uk] 
Sent: 18 September 2009 04:59
To: Revd (JM)
Subject: for (JM) only

Hello (JM),

I doubt that you read this, if it even gets through, the administrator reads it and deletes it.

I just had a dream, that we were friends again, it was wonderful, we walked arm in arm, I was no longer desperate outlaw being hounded for what I reported.

our friendship was full of happiness and laughter and no memory of what happened.

Then we saw a tornado approaching us, you did not seem to understand it was dangerous, I got you to run with me and I was shielding you with my body, because you were more precious to me than anything ever, and you were in real life before you betrayed me, and I would have sheltered you and given my life for you, I still would. In the dream the tornado was too close, and I tried to get you to 'the house' whatever house, and shielded you as the tornado hit.

I hope no tornado hits you.

I wish I could shield you.

I wish you were my dear friend,

and not part of me being dehumanised for reporting grave wrongs.

you shouldn't have acted for the people who hurt me,


or been involved, because it was against my wishes,

nor did I report you, I would not make a complaint against you, even though you gave people the wrong image of me,

and stood and let your family attack me when I was desparate for help because of the very people who you mediated for and got involved for and spoke for when you shouldn't.

it was the people you spoke for who caused your name or yor husband's name to be mentioned.

but I hope you never have to deal with any consequences,

I have never wanted a tornado to hit you, no matter how you have unintentionally hurt me,

I do not think that you can possibly know from where you are, how seriously I have been damaged by what has happened,

and I doubt that the people who communicated with you because they wanted things hushed up would have told you.

but I am not mad nor criminal, I have only tried to protect others because I have been destroyed.


I hope no tornado ever hits you, I would give my life to shield you, as I tried to in my dream.


you didnt shield me, but that doesn't matter, we are apart now. I loved you so much in the dream, and in real life I did, you were my friend, but I am me now. I couldnt be your me, I am my me, and I am also the me that those people tell people I am, because their influence is also very strong, even though I am not who they say I am.


I hope you are safe forever because it would break my heart if you were not.

*****

Ken Blue - Healing from Spiritual Abuse - Excellent Book

Good evening,

I am relaxing after a wonderful but exhausting party, I have been formulating many thoughts, especially since I have now decided to focus on healing from spiritual abuse.

One of the best known books on spiritual abuse is Ken Blue's book, Healing from Spiritual Abuse/breaking free from a bad church.

Interestingly enough, I am not in a bad church now. I regularly attend two very different churches, and will be at both tomorrow, not simultaneously.
Neither are 'bad' nor do I need to break free from them.
Since I broke free from the Church of England as they destroyed me, I have learned about me, and about church, and about boundaries, and it has been amazing.
I do not stay with a church that takes me over or belittles me, because I know I don't need to, and I remember the words that my kind Catholic friends taught me, which remain with me, and put me back directly in contact with God without the need for a Church mediating.

When I left the Church of England I left behind 30 years of sexual and emotional, physical and spiritual abuse, that came from 17 years with my parents and 13 years with the Church of England.
Now as you can imagine, that is 30 years of damage and only 3 years separated from the damage, and because the damage occured throughout my developing years as a child and young adult, it has ingrained and it has affected me as a person, how I relate to others, how I respond to pastoral care, how I respond to church and community, how I am in general.

3 years after escaping, I have a wake up call to how I am responding to others and church and what the root cause is, and at 33 years old, this wake up call is a bit late, and just with my other problems and conditions, such as autism and reactive attachment disorder, glimpses of this spiritual damage were always showing through, here and there I knew how some of the spiritual abuse caused some of my reaction to things, but because my problems have been overwhelming and survival has been the priority for so long, the problems had to stay locked in, not faced, nor did I know how to face them.

I gave you an example of very innocent spiritual abuse where my church leader friend talked about how people like me should be aborted before birth, to make less of a burden on society. Here is another example of how readers and preachers in the church can basically say what they like and not really understand how things are for people with disability.
And I will lead into a statement about me from this account:

It was a nice sunny day, 2003 or 2004, the service was read by our much loved reader, the same one who said that my 21st Birthday party was the best party he had been to all day, as he poured the alcohol and stayed close to the bar.

The reader talked about love, he said that the only thing that mattered in Jesus'view was that we loved one another (not true), and loved our neighbour as ourself.

He was very much putting over the same sort of view that JM used to, that 'God is love', JM used to admit to me that she had no faith in their being a real God and heaven, and even that she didn't believe in the Virgin Birth, She told me that it brought people's faith down when astronauts went up and found no God in space.
What puzzled me was, why would anyone think astronauts would find God? Heaven isn't physical and finadable and why would a Vicar be secretly not believing in the Virgin Birth? JM's comments rocked my faith, she claimed that God was love, which was why she used to half-kill herself trying to put people's lives right.

Anyway, back to the reader, Church of England froth, decided to state to us, that 'love was the most important thing', and while love is, and Jesus did say 'love your neighbour as yourself', I have yet to meet any member of the church of england who even gets on with all their neighbours, or even their fellow church members.
I think Church of England are kind of focussed on the wrong things, especially people pleasing, and saying the right thing to soothe the ears of those who put the most money in the coffers.

I was and am a menace to the Church of England because I ask questions, this is the statement I meant.
I don't sit in church and dopily believe everything I hear.
This is interesting because for the 17 cult years, I was taught to blindly accept everything I was told, and that was hellish damaging.

But once I challenged my parents about the continued scare tactics once I had left them, ie they were telling me that jihads and armageddons were on the way and we could all be killed and if we were lucky we would be picking up the bodies, once I actually made a choice between their world and the real world, which I did, aged 19, and further when I was about 22, I questioned everything, and have done ever since! I am the bane of the comfortable old church's life, because I do not accept everything as it is said, if it sounds incorrect.

Now, with my current churches, I don't need to question, because they are not able to indoctrinate me, I know what songs and words I do not believe and I choose not to join in those sings or words, and so far, these churches do not object, and thus they are not spiritually abusing me.
I am keen to learn God's word and worship Him, but I feel I can do that without being forced on or misguided.

There is nothing representative of God in the way the Church of England have been to me, and very little representation of Jesus in their worship and creed, it is, again, soothing words for the elderly and wealthy who keep the Church of England alive, and I was so indoctrinated in the Church of England, having gone from the cult to them for refuge, that I was blind to how damaging the Church of England were to me.
I feel sad for all those in the Church of England who are caught in that deception forever, and think it is Christianity.

And I can imagine any well-to-do old lady fuming and self righteously blaring if they ever read this, because I have experienced this self-righteous blaring. (I wonder if Ginger Nut will self righteously blare if he reads this).
All the self-righteousness in the world will not make the Church of England into a Christian Church who do not teach properly because they are too busy during sermon time talking about the priest's personal life and other things that soothe the people who pay for the Church, although the Church is both a government department and a Charity, and should pay for itself.

And the sermons that the Church of England do far too frequently, about people paying more, and tying this increased payment in with the Bible, are abominable, and they sicken me, this is not Christianity, and these offensive sermons are questioned by me, the Great Questioner, but not by the wealthy old congregation who they are aimed at.

Anyway, lets return to the old reader and his froth about love.

Loving people is the most important Christian Value

He states.

He isn't expecting the Great Questioner and has no reply when she asks

What about those of us with a limited capacity to love? How do you tell someone with liited capacity for love that they are substandard in your Christian Ethic.

The reader had no adequate reply, and the memory sticks with me, that man, with his nice home and money and comfortably preaching among similar people, met by my question and truly stumped, he indeed couldn't answer and fluffed and frothed, repeating himself that to be Christians we have to love...
He couldn't explain how he could judge me and others less able to love as I did as substandard Christians.

The Church of England's splintered and variable teaching can be lethal, and I will provide other examples of this, as I have been doing.
As far as I know, preaching in the CofE is not audited or recorded or assessed, and basically they are free to do as they please, and with such a wide range of preachers, it is pot luck.

But anyway, in conclusion, I know I rock the boat in stuffy old clubs like that by questioning, and because I can question and have been questioning, I think there is hope for healing, for me to become independent of the brainwashing that has shaped me and the spiritual damage inflicted by the Church of England.
And I can also be assertive and leave a Church, leave an abusive situation.

Well it has only taken 33 years to get this far, to the beginning of healing.

Wish me luck.

Written for the man at Autism Jersey on 03/09/2008 -showing JM's involvement

 This is an extract of an email written top the man at Autism Jersey, I was under too much stress at the time and was waiting for the police to contact me to take my statements, they were bogged down with historic abuse investigations into Haute de la Garrenne at the time, and I was due to spand a weekend with JM, at her invitation as always.

She didn't like me being away in Jersey and was always talking about getting me to come home, although her support of me when I was in Hampshire was very hit and miss and her husband's behavior was always there in the background.

One of my thoughts about everything I have been through is, what happens to the vulnerable who cannot write, as I do? what happens to them?
As with all posts, I have omitted names where necessary, I think Philip is known as Philip and was not a wrongdoer here, he can object directly and I will remove his name, but as he was a genuine and non-abusive man, I have left his name on here.

Writing for Philip:

JM emailed me in reply to an email, she talked about me maybe ‘making a strategic withdrawal from Jersey’, I know that she has been a bit biased about me being in Jersey before, maybe she wants me home and under her watchful eye, but I am worried that she has spoken to the Churchwarden couple or that the Dean has suggested that I am dragged back to Hampshire and not allowed home again, I have not gone ahead with arranging to go back to her this weekend yet, as I am too worried about being trapped, and what damage is done to my friendship with JM by the Dean and the Churchwarden couple, whatever happens, I need to be working wherever I am, but I want to be in Jersey, I don’t want it taken away from me, I have been offered the cleaning job from the church people, it is one morning a week.

I am worried that JM has said the wrong things to the dean, she wanted to make it look like Churchwarden was naive, because she thought questions might be asked about why I stayed on with the family despite what was happening, but I stayed on because Churchwarden called me daughter, and I wanted to be daughter.

JM is away all day today so I am worried sick and haven’t booked the ticket to go to JM for the weekend. I don’t think I can go back to Hampshire for a break yet, but I must find work.

The pressure in my head is tremendous

I think the Churchwarden couple may have contacted JM again, and hence they go on damaging me.

I think that if JM, who sometimes doesn’t understand things, has told the Dean that I am ‘seductive’ because I was abused or anything, My ex-therapist in England, LD, may be able to explain my Character and behaviour much better than JM, please pass that offer on to the Dean, I feel that the Dean is against me, so anything that JM mistranslates will be used against me.

Do enquire to the police.