Winchester 2010 return homeless

• I arrived back in Hampshire on October 11^th 2010, I came out of the airport arrivals and logged onto a computer, I was afraid that anyone would be really concerned about my two weeks of silence while I had been locked up, I had many many emails in both accounts, but no-one was too worried, because in the end I had only had intermittent email access as I had no transport or computer or money, I was saddened by the email from the stroke association, I had been meant to be running in a marathon for them when I was in custody.
• I didn’t read most of my emails, there were a load from Shirley, I never read them. I went on Facebook and said I was in Hampshire, I got a few questions about when I would be coming to London, and I said I was back permenantly so there was no rush .

• I had nowhere to go, I had money in my account as my salary from before the arrest had come through while I had been locked up, and I had obviously spent nothing, I got a cup of tea, cups of tea help with most things including blind terror and being utterly destroyed.
• I was exhausted and shaking, I wasn’t going to get far from the airport, I did not want to collapse and end up detained again, so I crossed the road to that Travelodge type place, the rooms there are expensive, but I needed to keep myself safe from being detained again, I booked a room, the people on the desk seemed unstartled by my appearance and I do not know if they could see my lack of underwear and the shock I was in, I unpacked the clothes that the police had flung together in bags, there was very little wearable in there, it was mainly my old or unwearable clothes and worn out work clothes, but at least there was a bra in there, it was a high impact sports bra that I wore for training, it pulled on my shoulders badly as those things do, but at least it was a bra, I could have some modesty and dignity back. The only shoes I had were my old soft shoes that were worn through at the soles, there were holes right through the soles, they were meant for indoors, but I had nothing else and had not been able to afford anything.

• It was good to have a long hot luxurious bath, but I didn’t stop shaking, I I put on what clean clothes I could, it was difficult because they really had sent the rubbish and left my everyday clothes behind, all my other possessions were left behind, and sadly I never had the means to make any arrangement to collect them. I literally lost everything I ever achieved, even my certificates and awards, meaning I will never be able to get a job as I have no proof at all of qualifications; I lost my toys, my keyboard, my books, my trinkets and personal possessions, my photographs, everything I had left from my clearout and burning of things when my life collapsed after what the Keys said to me. Everything was gone, even the exciting tall ship adventure that I had been offered free of charge.

• So there I was, destitute, in shock, destroyed, condemned completely, with my cherished good record gone, my life condemned by abusers and their supporters. Everything Ihad ever lived or worked for was gone, my home my job, my sports, my college, my worship, my volunteer work, all gone, everything I had worked so hard for, and there I was, condemned, shamed, undressed, jeered at, called terrible things, the only good thing I could think of was that I was rid of Jane Fisher and the diocese, surely that awful woman  would be satisfied now, surely they would leave me alone now, and I was home in my beloved Hampshire, even though my heart was with the boats and the sea around Jersey, and will be forever.
• I tried to put myself to bed but I kept hurtling across the room crying out in distress, I couldn’t cry properly but I was whimpering, I put the television on to ‘Magic Radio’ and the soft music helped me to calm down.
• In the morning I couldn’t look out the window at the aeroplanes, the aeroplanes that I would never fly on again, the aeroplanes that were going home without me, the aeroplanes that had made me more equal with the people who had belittled me, the aeroplanes that had made me go up in the world and into a better quality of life, and now brought me back to a life that would never have quality again.

• I went to Winchester, leaving my bags in the safe storage of the hotel, I went to the nightshelter, wondering if they would have any beds free as they get quite full, I spoke to the secretary and manager and they said they had a bed for me, they said that I should come back in the evening and be registered for a bed, I wondered how on earth I was going to explain to them why I was homeless, and I was so ashamed, I did not know then that the diocese were going to be hot on my heels with all their explanations and cover ups and pretence of concern of me, I thought that the whole church situation was finally and horribly over. But I was wrong, I had not escaped Jane Fisher, the invincible legal expert cover up officer, she had punishment upon punishment in store for me, including becoming involved in my use of the Nightshelter and Trinity Centre and the cover up of this intervention, to my detriment.

• The Nightshelter sent me to the Trinity centre, the daycentre for homeless people, and I went there and tried exhaustedly to answer their questions as best I could.
• I collected my bags from Southampton and went to the Nightshelter in the evening, The man who checked me in, Phil took a long long time to check me in, part of it was that he kept interrupting my explaination of the church’s damage to me by telling me that he was a Christian who had suffered at the hands of the church too, and he went on into a ramble about City Church and the politics there and how he had had to leave and now he was a Christian without a church and the rest of it. 
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• Other residents kept coming into the office and demanding things and talking as he checked me in, later this hour long check in was used to degrade me, as if I was doing something wrong, I was humiliated to hear it repeated back to me as if I had been wasting Phil’s time, he had done the talking and rambling, not me.
• I did my very best to briefly explain my side, and I have no doubt that Jane Fisher must have been very concerned for the Bishop and diocese’s reputation when she knew that I had been released and come back to Winchester and the homeless services, and so the diocese intervened, but it was a lot later and after I had puzzled over the manager’s unhelpfulness that I found out about this intervention as a priest smashed me down on behalf of Jane Fisher and Juliet and the diocese, but I will explain that horrible incident later.