Fourth interview with HG

I think the interviewer has an inkling that I have a cat, I also think I have been asked the languages question in another interview.

1. What’s your favourite name for a cat?

We used to have a cat called Caliban. I don't think you can beat that! 

2. Do you have a cat? What do you feed it?

We have a cat, he can be a monster but his name is not Caliban. He is asleep on my bed, upside down as I write this, he is irresistable like that and I want to tickle his tummy but he would not be amused. He is fed from an auto-feeder which holds up to three weeks feed, he has scientific formula cat food that is supposed to keep him healthy, and he is strong and quick and in good condition for a 14 year old. I have to be careful when he wants to play 'swipe through the bannisters' because he is so quick that I can end up with shredded skin.

 

3. Do you ever vote?

No. Maybe this year was as close as I got to considering voting, but I didn't need to as our guy got back in anyway.

 

4. If you voted, would it be Conservative, Labour, Liberal, UKIP, Green, Monster Raving Loony or Other? Why?

I would have to vote conservative because of the huge damage that the current and last government have done and are doing to the voiceless vulnerable in the benefits system.

 

5. Do you prefer eggs poached, fried, hard-boiled, in an egg cup, scrambled? What would you eat them with?

I don't often eat eggs due to having a slight reaction to them, not full blown allergy but discomfort. I do like a fried egg as part of a healthy fry up at the weekend, eggs with rindless back bacon, fried in fry-lite and with some slices of small wholemeal loaf and Bertolli. Yummy. I occasionally boil eggs for sandwiches but I see no point in scrambled eggs as they seem tasteless to me.

 

6. Do you ever have soft boiled eggs, and do you make bread “soldiers” to go with them?

No, I am not a toast and soldiers person, partly because I grew up without that kind of thing and no-one ever introduced it to me until Jersey when the churchwarden kept trying to show me how to knock the top off a soft boiled egg, but being dyspraxic, I can't really do it, and it is so much trouble. 

 

7. Do you ever eat prunes? Have you ever eaten prunes?

Yes, prunes are nice, I have had them sometimes when I was a child when prunes were on offer, my dad would buy them. They taste OK and they have their uses, but I don't tend to buy them. Actually I don't tend to buy tins at all, because I really dislike the metal that they are made of and opening tins sets my teeth on edge.

 

8. If you have, did you put the stones around the plate, counting them, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Sailor etc....?

No, not with prunes, we used to do that with plum stones when I was a child, I think.

 

9. What’s your favourite out door temperature (in centigrade please!)? What’s too hot? And too cold?

Interesting question, this morning I was chatting to my autistic friend, we are on a similar spectrum but he is a genius and he asked if I counted temperature in Centigrade or Farenheit, but my reply was that I can't count in either, I have a learning difficulty called dyscalculalia, which means I have very little ability to measure anything. I think when I read temperatures on a chart, when it says -3 that means cold, 10 or 15 means mild, and 25 or 30 means hot.

10. What’s your favourite soup? Do you make your own?

I like lentil soup, or chicken soup, I don't like tinned soup, I am OK with some packet soup but sometimes I have allergic reaction if there is powdered milk in it. I don't often make soup due to my life being about running around like a headless chicken.

I have occasionally made chicken soup, but to be honest, not very often. I can't stay home and watch it, I am more likely to make stew anywhere.

 

11. What foreign languages can you speak? How well can you speak them?

I think someone asked me this before. I was brought up speaking Hebrew as well as English but it has been so long that I only remember some of it, and it always amuses me when people in churches mispronounce it dismally when doing readings. I speak some French, and French will be part of my degree course. I studied French at Evening class in Jersey. I know a few words of Portugese and some Italian, I had a working holiday in Italy and also did a certificate course. I did an Irish Certificate as well.  I am not really a linguist yet, but I fully intend to improve my languages, and I have penpals in various countries, it is so interesting to learn about language and culture, and I am looking forward to University.

A post by a Jersey blogger -The parable of the knife

This caught my attention so I asked if I could reblog it, it is a Jersey blogger's post about social media and how survivors can be affected. Thank you to Tony the Prof who blogs about issues in Jersey and the wider world: 

WEDNESDAY, 10 JUNE 2015

Parable of the Knife

Do you remember Doris Luke (played by Kathy Staff) in Crossroads? A do-gooder whose interventions invariable caused more problems for those they were trying to help.

Bloggers can sometimes do harm, even when they intend to do good. This short piece tries to communicate what that can feel like if you are vulnerable, sensitive and have bad memories brought back by those who think they are doing you a good turn. It's not about me. It's about someone I know who has trouble persuading "do-gooders" that their interventions can do more harm than good.

I hope it conveys something of how this makes those "helped" feel, and how disruptive it is to getting their life back together again.

Parable of the Knife

He was an old man now, but he could still remember the events. The cell. The strangeness of the court. Many people speaking to him. His head hurt. And then, he’d agreed something, and it made them happy, and it was all over.

For them, not for him. Suddenly he was on a plane, landing, left, nowhere to go.

“Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.”

He was homeless, sleeping rough for many years. The cold and hunger remained in his memory, pain etched deep. But it was also liberating: no people speaking, telling him what to do, not understanding, and with their own ideas of what was in his best interests.

It was in the past now, and he was rebuilding his life, far from the troubles of the past, but flashbacks still haunted his days from time to time, made worse by those who still thought they could speak for him.

The world had become global, and blogs from those who had decided to support him came, and came, each time, a turn of the knife, each time a dagger of the mind, bringing back that past.

Wasn’t that patronising? How dare they think they knew him better than he did? And why wouldn’t they leave him alone?

He told them to stop, but they would not listen. He begged them to stop, but they would not listen. He emailed, and ranted at them – stop, stop, stop – but they would not listen. That cut deep.

Sometimes those who take your side can do more harm than your enemies.

And so he wrote this down, wrote how he felt, how miserable this made him, the pain, the memory. Memory never goes away. Traumatic memories may be held back, but they are always there, waiting to be released. Sometimes it can be a scent, a sound, and sometimes – a blog.

"Think before you blog" would be a good maxim, especially when dealing with vulnerable people. Have some fellow feeling for the harm that well-intentioned support can do. That’s all he wanted to say, all he wanted them to hear. You are damaging me.

But they would not listen. And in the end, he put his head in his hands, in despair, and wept.

And still they blogged on his behalf. And twisted the knife deeper.

Third interview with HG

Yes, we are starting to chat a bit about Jersey in this one.

 Do you like ironing?

No! Anyone who regularly reads my daily blog knows I am obsessive about housework, but ironing is a job I avoid. And most of my clothes are simple non-iron, while my bedding is soft Jersey non-iron, like the bedding I had when I lived in Jersey! :) I love soft clothes and linens and I do very little ironing. I am happy with cleaning ovens and toilets, but I hate ironing. However, I can iron. 
Favourite activity in Jersey? What was it, who did you do it with?

Spoilt for choice with this question!  I had many  favourites, I had a great time on the tall ships, loved all the sailing, enjoyed karate and football, rock climbing, photography, basically the favourites are endless. But I can't really say on here who I did these activities with, as I do not want to cause any problems.

 How did you get about to places in Jersey?

Mainly I drove, I did do a bit of walking, running and even cycling, but not enough. In my last days in Jersey I had no car and was walking, or rather hobbling, because unnoticed, various issues with my walking had worsened and I didn't know what they were or why. Do you like old fashioned hymns? What is your favourite old fashioned hymn?

I used to enjoy some of the old fashioned hymns a lot, and would often listen to them or sing them, but due to the trauma I associate with Church, I don't really find them easy to listen to any more. I like 'Thine Be the Glory' and 'Amazing Grace' and a few others. I rarely hear or think about hymns any more, because I associate church so much with hurt and flashbacks. Do you like modern hymns? What is your favourite modern hymn?

I like some modern hymns, like most people, I have hymns I like and dislike, and again, I have the same issue of trauma that hymns can trigger, I like 'All to Jesus I surrender' and 'Shine Jesus Shine' and a number of others. Have you every seen people fainting at a church service as part of the service? Yes, I remember it being set up as a kind of show, the people laying on hands manipulate people to fall over, it still scares the hell out of me to recall the amount and depth of manipulation and some of the damage it does to vulnerable people. I suffered other kinds of deep psychological damage in such services and 'healing sessions' and know others who have been put at risk this way. I even had someone making a series of direct complaints to me about being harmed by such things in a church in Jersey, because the horrendous handling of my case meant s/he didn't dare to complain to the Dean or Diocese!!!

Which Jersey Churches did you visit (ie. see)?

Now the questions get harder, I try to remember and my mind goes terrified and blank. I will start by saying I always intended to visit St. Saviours Parish church for the historical side of things, but never got around to it. I did manage to visit the chapel at Hogue Bie a few times when I went to be enthusiastic about the archeology side of things there, awesome!  And the story about the sunlight at sunrise? Am I remembering right?

I think I visited most of the parish churches and also some of the Methodist churches, the big Methodist church in St. Helier is quite impressive, and of course the glass church, and although I often heard tourists muttering dissapointedly about the glass church, I did like the glass angels and how light the church was.

I can't remember the name of the closed church that sometimes had concerts but it always seemed such a shame it was closed, I remember the concerts there, maybe I will talk about that another time though.

The Town Church, of course, but I didn't find it very inspiring and the atmosphere itself there is not good, without even anyone being there.

And I seem to recall concerts at a little Methodist chapel in St. Aubin, and then of course the Fisherman's chapel, I think I went there even before I lived in Jersey, so peaceful there, a good place to light candles and pray.

So I got a good and interesting look at churches in Jersey, but always regrettably never managed to stop at St. Saviours Church, even when I went to the Parish Hall, I think it was a question of nowhere to park and I was always in a hurry.

 Which Jersey Churches did you attend (not the same question)?

You are so mean, I don't remember a thing, next question please! 

Churches I attended, it may sound like a lot, but I found churches in Jersey very hard, especially when I was being slandered and shunned, but not just that, they are not like mainland churches and some of the leanings frightened me, so I didn't settle comfortably in a church, especially not when I was being insulted, shunned or attacked for reporting abuse.

I attended St. Andrews church, that was a core church that I attended, and they did joint services with St. matthews sometimes, but didn't do their own evening service, so I would go to the evening service at St. Matthews, great music!, and in the beginning when I lived near St. Lawrence church and was working on Sundays, I would go to early morning communion at St. Lawrence before work, it was so peaceful there.

I also sometimes went to early communion at St Ouens church on the way to work, and later attended a few other services there.

I recall attending a 'longest night service just before Christmas and that was at one of the Churches in the East of the Island and I went to evening  college with the Vicar's wife, that fact is not widely advertised by the church, because of course the Vicar's wife there cannot claim I was mad and bad and trashed the classroom. Haha, I am digressing.

Of course, in the early days, the churchwarden and his wife used to drag me to spend the evening with their little circle of friends at the Town Church, I found it all very boring and it was extremely extremely cliquey there, snooty is a harsh word but not out of place. Anyway, I mustn't get negative.

I attended St. Clements church for a while.

I also briefly attended St. Brelades church.

And was also kindly invited to attend an evangelical church, and I did visit them, another invitation was to a Methodist chapel, very kind, and also a Baptist church, who treated me terribly when they heard from the church of england.

I was also kindly invited to, and helped by, the Catholics in Jersey, who not only helped to strengthen my failing faith, but inspired me to later renounce the Church of England and become a Catholic.

I don't really want to remember any more, the way I was slandered round the churches in Jersey is inexcusible, it is a whole Island of churches completely forgetting Jesus' teachings and example, and to actually repeat that slander back to me and attack me in public, there are some very shameless and soulless people in Jersey (and the Diocese of Winchester).