Saturday, 28 June 2014

wonga shareholders drive the disabled away

never in 2000 years did He imagine His Name would be so abused, by this corporation that uses His Name and charges people to look round their buildings, and glorifies the rich and famous.

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No wonder church's are empty and christianity shunned when uses the police against people with disabilities

not to do with Church but...

List of MPs supporting national CSA inquiry:

Thursday, 26 June 2014

From the daily blog, a prison nightmare

I dreamed I was in prison, presumably the same one as the church had me put in, and I kept begging to go home, unlike in real life where I shut down my emotions in order to survive, but anyway, the Bishop's secretary, Joyce was working in the prison in my dream, and she kept just saying 'you can't go home', and she and some other people, who remained shadows without any character, kept repeating 'police statements' which were also the Korris report, back to me, and claiming that I had assaulted and threatened to assault people, and I kept crying out that this was  not true, and I was met with disbelief, I had no voice and no say, much the same as in LaMoye and in the courts in Jersey and Sussex in real life, my side was irrelevant.
But in the end in the dream, I said, how many of you know that the police make up untrue statements, and Joyce put her hand up, I couldn't see what all the other shadowy people did, but Joyce knew in the dream that the police can falsify things.

The dream was a horrifying magnification of how the police and diocese have got away with harming me and covered it up in reports that omit me, and in inaccurate records.
It is not something I will ever recover from properly, and it is not something that has been addressed, because the Diocesan investigation has only been fake and hijacked, they have dragged me back into the past with no justice, no redress and left me voiceless and re-traumatized.
What is most horrifying to me is that Jane Fisher, the woman who engineered my destroyal, is still there to destroy more vulnerable people and has been allowed to influence the Bishop as well as illegally refer me to the NSPCC, which remains contemptible and infuriating.

I am glad I am awake, but the horror of that dream will remain with me all day.

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

What the Bishop didn't take into account when he launched on the Jersey Deanery part 1 of 1000

If an outsider from the UK launches a public attack on islanders, what is going to happen? If a Bishop from the UK church attacks islanders what happens?
Bishop Peter Broadbent just recently recreated this situation by attacking Jersey, what happened? You got an islander from one of the cult churches saying he had no right to say anything,
and the reality was, he was being a bit general and a bit irrational in his attack, just as Bishop Dakin was being very irrational and very general by publicly and in the national press, attacking the whole of the Jersey Deanery.

Here is Bishop Peter's outrageous launch on Jersey, although I doubt he mean it to be publicized

While Bishop Dakin's attack on the Dean and Deanery led to me being slandered and smeared and voiceless to defend myself as the story went international and the smear and cover up campaign was successful in villifying me.
I was devastated, why did the Bishop have no concern for my welfare and safety when he publicly launched on me. And why did he not stop the villification of me, but instead allowed the investigation to be taken over by someone conflicted because they were linked to the people smearing me and protecting the Dean?

I wonder what part of the whole charade of 16 months or so, Bishop Dakin considers to be about safeguarding?
Firstly, he produced the Korris report without my views and published it, how can you produce a safeguarding report about an abuse claimant and not include their side of things?
Secondly, he was sent my amendments directly by me, and also from Jan Korris when I emailed her,
and he did not amend the Korris report or arrange to meet me to add my views.

He more recently, after more than a year of being asked, withdrew the Korris report from the Diocesan website, and not because of my requests, but to protect himself.
Unfortunately by the time he withdrew it, less than a month ago - proven - it was and is so widely circulated that him withdrawing it from the Diocesan site makes little difference, I can access the Korris report via various routes in an instant.

Bishop Dakin has never attempted to meet me to discuss what happened to me, it appears that because he has never got my side of things or met me, the silly man thinks I am dangerous, and well, I am dangerous in that I am not going to let him get away with harming me, but as for agressive or violent, if you suggested to anyone here at the drop in today that I am aggressive and violent, they would look at you in astonishment! I am very quiet and I only act with anger if I am being abused and treated horrendously as I have been by the Diocese.
So he hasn't got my side because from the start, influenced by the inaccurate Korris report which was influenced by Jane Fisher, he made it clear he condemns me as bad, and so, he launched and ran an investigation without my side and assuming I am bad and thus will not be included. What a silly silly man, what a dreadful damaging and Unchristian way to behave.

So, after excluding me completely from the Korris report, and refusing to amend it, he proceeds to ignore island politics and cliques, who is related to who and who is friends with who, and accepts an offer from Dame Steel to investigate the matter further.

Dame Steel, a friend and colleague of Philip Bailhache and who was known to give a speech for him at a gathering of his, is allowed to proceed to investigate, despite the fact that Philip Bailhache abused his power to run a smear campaign against me, publicly harming me, which the Bishop did nothing about.
The Bishop ignored protests that Dame Steel was conflicted.

Dame Steel didn't introduce herself to me, explain anything or contact Bob Hill, who was acting on my behalf, instead she attempted to access my lawyer's records from when the lawyer had misrepresented me,
and unexplainably, as, despite Jan Korris's recommendations, neither Dame Steel, nor anyone else was looking into my arrest and deportation.
In fact the whole matter from Korris onwards seems to have been about covering up, for Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt, for the Dean, the police, everyone.

Not at any point has my full story been taken and included in a report, which is why I am producing it here on the blog, which is unfair on me because the trauma is such that being forced to produce my story to combat the smears and untruths and inaccurate reports is a tremendous strain on me, because I have to relive what happened to me, knowing that the church of england still are not listening, nor have they ever taken into account the connections between people involved in the Jersey and Diocese matter.

link to an excellent article by Samantha Field about Christians and sexual abuse

The Walk of a Thousand MEN, arrogance and lack of safeguarding

My experience of 'ThroughFaithMissions' and their 'walkofaThousandMen' goes back a long and miserable way, to long before Jersey.

Long before Jersey I had to listen to some stuffy, arrogant old man rambling about nothing at a dinner party in his honour because he was from the 'Walk of a thousand men'.
Not a lot to do with God, I decided at the time, more to do with ego, old windbag going on about himself but with nothing to say.

I met another of these 'men', at a BBQ, he was called Jeffrey and he waffled and windbagged too. He told me that he would ' always know when I needed help and would pray for me then', ok, so the 'Walk of a thousand men is about clairvoyance as well as male ego and arrogance and showing off.

So, long before I met this arrogance in Jersey, I knew what these 'Thousand Men' were, arrogant, empty male chauvenists with high opinions of themselves and chrystal balls (haha).
I could feel the emptiness of them, and how their God was arrogance and showing off and the buzz they got from using their version of God to access people and manipulate their emotions.

I remember in Jersey how they did a 'Men's breakfast', I think if only men matter to these empty people, they should go and live in the third world, where life is still that narrow and arrogant.

Anyway, this guy, Dan Cozens, was going on about how he was made a member of some 'order' 'because the church wanted to keep him as priest', well, firstly, Jesus didn't preach anything about 'orders', that is more of a pharasee thing, and such boasting has no place in Christianity.
If the church want to keep arrogant and empty men as priests, and give them an 'order' to boast about, then  they are lost. Thinking of that empty boastful man, I am reminded very strongly of Peter Ould, it all seems to be about extending what is between their legs rather than anything to do with God.

it reminds me of the sermon 'What is Church all about? What word shall I preach on today that has three letters, is the foundation of the church and has three letters including G and O?

Anyway, they ran this exclusive mission in Jersey, where they went round forcing themselves on people by cold calling at people's houses, my abuser was very much leading this, even though he was supposed to be supervised, in fact during the mission week, he had a lot of access to vulnerable people, but, when I asked to help with the mission, I was excluded, it's not for the poor and disabled, it is selective.

The Churchwarden was always going on about this man, Dan Cozens, in the same way as he went on about the Dean, as if he was a superstar, as if every word he said was true, which is how false Gods and idols are created. But apparently this same man, Dan Cozens, and his organization, allowed the churchwarden to access vulnerable young women on 'Walk Cumbria' and talk to them about sex, this was despite the fact that he should have been aware of the churchwarden's history, especially as he was closely allied with the churchwarden's church and did a previous mission in Jersey with the churchwarden championing it.

I feel sorry for anyone duped by these falsehood walks and their false God. EGO and GOD are not the same thing. There is nothing in the God that they force on vulnerable people, no love, no safeguarding, just emptiness, as in the cult churches in Jersey, it's a buzz, it's a kick and it does draw in people who are vulnerable or going through bad times, because of that, but in the centre is emptiness, no genuine care, and blaming of people who are 'not good enough' in one way or another for this cult movement.

So, again the abuser was given access to vulnerable people, at this cult mission that I was unwelcome at, and I didn't really like church being invaded by this cult movement, 'the walk of a thousand men', because that church was already full of cult and chauvenism, why magnify it and dupe people that this was to do with God?

It was on the 'advice of one of these empty-hearted cult men, who had never met me, that the churchwarden tried to 'put guidelines on me' after discussing me detrimentally with the churchwarden and Vicar behind my back.
The empty hearted cult man from the 'walk of a thousand men' was Dan Cozen's right hand man, Jonathan Mortimer, I don't think he had a soul, he was so empty.

I made it clear to the churchwarden just as I did to Fisher and Scott-Joynt later, that you cannot put guidelines on someone for their reaction to what you are doing to hurt them. You have to take responsibility for yourself first.

This is when I first really spoke up about the abuse, and no one contacted me about it, instead they 'advised' the churchwarden and his wife.

In every way, as well as being arrogant, empty, chavenistic and a cult, 'The Walk of a Thousand Men' doesn't just ignore safegaurding it has repeatedly upheld and enabled an abuser to access vulnerable people, in the case of the churchwarden, and who knows how many other cases similar.

Pray that we may be rescued from weird and wicked people - 2 Thessalonians 3:2

why hasn't the Bishop publicly apologized to the Dean?

Here's a funny thing, the Bishop hasn't publicly apologized to the Dean.
He has repeatedly publicly cleared the Dean without a fair and impartial inquiry, and the Archbishop compounded things by supporting both the Dean and the Bishop, even though someone has to be wrong.
Surely if the Bishop publicly launched on the Dean and Deanery without enough evidence and was proved wrong, he is deserving of serious disciplinary action, as well as owing the Dean a public apology.
And if he publicly launched with enough evidence and yet allowed the matter to be hijacked and excluded me and my evidence, so that he had to clear the Dean, he is still liable for serious disciplinary action.

Basically, the Bishop of Winchester was not fit to be a senior Bishop, having not been a Bishop before, he was even less competent than Michael Scott-Joynt, who was senior enough to be a Bishop but admitted to not being in control of the Diocese of Winchester. Bishop Dakin was not qualified to be Bishop in such a large diocese, having not been a Bishop before, his appointment, after Michael Scott-Joynt's admitted failures, was crazy, and appears to have occured only because Bishop Scott-Joynt wanted someone who would cuddle Africa publicly, which Bishop Dakin is qualified to do. But why should Africa be more important in both Bishops' cases, than the welfare and competent running of the Diocese???

The Bishop and Archbishop cause my life to crash with their public 'apologies' splashed all over the press, and then refused to personally apologize, and the Bishop lied and said he had personally apologized.

They produced a report that omitted my views, falsely claimed to have tried to contact me to include my views, and refused to amend the report to include my views, ignored a year of me begging them to take that incorrect and defamatory report down off their website, and then, surprise surprise, took the report down.

Anyone who wants a copy of the Korris report, please contact me, it is still widely available. It was taken down very recently from the Diocesan website.

What I do not understand is, if the Bishop of Winchester had enough evidence to publicly attack the Dean and Deanery and suspend the Dean, why did he then allow another conflicted report and proceed to let the Dean off on the strength of that contrived report, having again omitted my views and made no attempt to include them - especially as the Bishop is aware of this blog and the evidence on it?!

Why did the Bishop publicly attack his whole Deanery of Jersey? That is not in any way justifiable, and the response he got was not surprising, and he is responsible for the harm to me that it has done.

Basically he claimed to be investigating safeguarding, while he publicly harmed every person in that Deanery as well as me, and including all vulnerable people in the Deanery of Jersey.
He has acheived nothing for safeguarding because the Diocese of Winchester, as proven again and again, and publicly stated, has no power at all to discipline or control clergy and churches in Jersey, which is why Jane Fisher and Michael Scott-Joynt did nothing about my case, or other cases of clergy misconduct to vulnerable people in Jersey, instead they scapegoat and ignore the Victims, to 'make the problem go away', and look what happened to me when I didn't 'go away' as they tried to force me to!

The Diocese of Winchester has a lot to answer for, but no one is making them answer for it.

The Bishop fully intends to publish the conflicted Steel report and destroy me after his bodged public attack on Jersey led to a response where he was powerless to carry out any fair investigation, and had no intention of doing so, by allowing the Steel report and refusing to gather my views and allowing Steel to behave badly and illegally and act on behalf of the wrongdoers in the Jersey Deanery.

Another question remains, why did Dame Steel claim her report was in the final stages and thus my views were irrelevant in October last year, while the Bishop said he had had a legal bid to stop the report being published, and then in May this year he claimed he had just been given the completed report and would be publishing it? Who knew in November last year what was in it in order to bring a legal bid to stop it's publishing???

Basically, in all of this, the Church of England have shown how very very dishonest they are, and how completely lacking in care for a vulnerable person they are, they have and are, inflicting massive damage on me.

Well this is about the Uk government, but Jersey comes to mind!!!

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Tuesday, 24 June 2014

repost, prison, court and deportation

Friday, 18 October 2013

The horrendous end time in Jersey

Arrest, court, imprisonment, court, deportation.

I feel the need to briefly describe things in months running up to the arrest. But I can only be brief as it is too traumatic and I am still dissociating.

Jane Fisher was very much involving herself in my life against my wishes, mainly through my former friend Tracy leCouter, the curate at St. Clements church. Tracy had been my good and trusted friend until Jane Fisher get involved and also let the Dean know where I was worshipping. Which instantly left me feeling completely unable to worship there or be welcome and again my complaint against the Dean seemed to be invalidated, which ,made me furious.
Why tell someone I had complained about, who was in touch with the people who abused me and on their side, where I was worshipping, so I could again be treated badly and left outcast?
Anyway, in this time, the sadness and confusion led to me going to Tracy’s house to ask why it was all like this, and to ask her to stop communicating with Jane Fisher about me.
Tracy was hostile and made me out to be mentally ill, claiming it was only my paranoia about the Dean and Jane Fisher and that I was still welcome in St. Clements, even though I explained to her that I could not feel welcome under the circumstances. I begged her to stop being in contact with Jane Fisher.
She said no, and that she was going to phone Jane Fisher as soon as I had gone.
I told her I could not live with this.
I told her about the Dean calling me wicked and saying I was not abused and she repeated what Jane Fisher had previously said to me ‘we do not know what was said when you went to the Dean’s house’

- I had gone to the Dean’s house because Lou Scott-Joynt said ‘oh, what did Bob do?’ as if he had done nothing wrong. And I had said to the Dean that the way he had behaved was wrong and wicked, this is when he called me wicked and talked about the Lihous and Juliet and made out that that was all the same thing as what had happened with the Avertys, and he said I was not abused. It is claimed in court that I went there swearing and shouting, which I didn’t.

Anyway, Tracy and Jane Fisher then called the police, claiming that I was suicidal. Because I had said I couldn’t live with this.
The police turned up, shocking me and startling my landlady.
They spoke to me outside and I said that there was nothing to worry about and that Jane Fisher was manipulating Tracy and driving me mad.
I also told the police that the fact that they had turned up had put my tenancy in danger.
The policewoman replied ‘Lie to your landlady and tell her that we came to see you because you were a witness to something’.

I was shocked that a policewoman could tell someone to lie. But I did as she said, which proved to be to my detriment when the police were next sent round by Jane Fisher.

That evening I fled the Island. I was at breaking point, I had been called wicked by the Dean, nothing was being done, I was truly in a bad way.  I had not been able to go Tracy’s ordination as the Avertys and the Dean had been there. I had been without hope for so long and things were only getting worse. The Bishop who had seen me briefly had said he would see me when he came to do Tracy’s ordination but he did not and would not. He had only seen me briefly in a set-up meeting previously that I had been lied to about.

In England I was in collapse and at present I am struggling to remember it. I stayed with my friends but they were going away on holiday and were sure I was a high risk of suicide and so they changed their minds about leaving me alone in their house while they were away.
My friend Anne, who was not one of the friends I was staying with, was dying of cancer, Tracy and Jane Fisher knew about this and tried to use it as the reason I was having a breakdown and had fled the island. This made me angry.

Jane Fisher reported me missing when I was not missing and she had not made any attempt to contact me. So the police turned up at my house in Jersey where I still had my tenancy and had told my landlady that I was going to see my dying friend. So my landlady was made aware of the church and police’s version of things, but to her credit she didn’t kick me out.

I attempted suicide and was traced and taken to hospital. Hampshire police contacted Jersey police and were told a load of completely incomprehensible things and a psychological report was written based on that and not on what I had told the assessor.
According to Jersey police I was wanted  for criminal damage to a car. This caused me to collapse further because I had not damaged a car, this report by the police turned out to be untrue, there was nothing on me for damaging cars. I gather this was an attempt by the Avertys, as I later saw their car and it was all smashed in at the back, but I was certainly nothing to do with that. I may be angry but I would not ram a car deliberately and damage my own car. I guess I will never know what that was about.

Anyway, this criminal damage allegation never went any further.
The psychological report, though completely inaccurate and based on what the police said and not what I said, exonerated the Dean, Jane Fisher, Tracy and the church, even though I had made it quite clear that this was what caused the distress I was in. The report tried to make me out to be grieving for my Dad and claimed I had been close to him, even though I had stated that I hadn’t always been close to him.

I was furious but was beginning to realise that I would be gagged and the Church of England exonerated no matter who I turned to.
However, a very long time later, due to trauma and circumstances delaying it, I did manage to add an amendment to the report, which stated the Dean and the church as the cause of my distress.

Anyway, the assessing team said I was not mentally ill but was distressed and vulnerable and they were reluctant to let me go as I had nowhere to go, but they also could not admit me as I was not mentally ill.
Once assessed, they allowed me to go and see my friend Anne, who was seriously ill in the same hospital and then arrangements were made for me to go and stay with some other friends.

I stayed with my friends, vulnerable and absolutely traumatized and having been told that I was facing a warning on behalf of the Dean when I returned to Jersey.
But on return to Jersey I was told that the bit of paper was not a warning, that the matter with the Dean had been swept under the carpet and that the bit of paper that the victim support worker signed on my behalf was about Jane Fisher and the Bishop and that it not even a warning and wasn’t on my file and that it was about getting two sides of things and that I had been phoning and emailing the Bishop out of office hours. It seemed senseless to me, the Bishop’s wife had told me I could phone out of office hours and she phoned me out of office hours, so did Jane Fisher, and Jane Fisher emailed me when it suited her.
The policeman said it didn’t even go on my record.
This is an accurate account of what happened to me. I was not given a warning about the Dean, although I was told I was going to be. Even though the Dean and his wife had been so unreasonable and I had gone to them because I was horrified that despite persisting with a complaint against the Dean, I gathered from what Lou Scott-Joynt said, that my complaint had not been taken seriously.

Eventually I returned to my lodgings and my work, both of which I had nearly lost. But I was a broken person by the time I returned from England to Jersey.
My car had broken beyond repair while in England. The money saved to repair it had gone on my fare to England. So on return to Jersey I was unable to return to my cash-in-hand work and I was not as useful to my main employers due to being unable to travel to the garden centre for things I needed and unable to take machinery to the dealers for repairs and servicing, and all other tasks that required a car were now beyond me. I was handicapped by the lack of the car.

I was furious with the Diocese for everything, I knew that things were not and had not been done properly, and I did not understand why I had been given a warning for contacting the diocese while they had apparently had me reported missing for not contacting them and why they were apparently still handling my complaint but having me warned by the police for contacting them about it and for contacting Lou Scott-Joynt when she was supposed to be ‘helping me’.

Anyway, I was now attending St. Brelades church, but they were very quickly ‘made aware of me’, by Jane Fisher/Bob Key and I was safeguarded against and reprimanded by Mark Bond and Judith Davey, to whom I replied that there were two sides of things, they did actually listen to that but they did share hurtful things they had been told. I will go into more detail of that at a later date as it is distressing and needs to be part of my statement about the churches in Jersey.
But to add, Mark Bond and his wife were friends with the Dean and would have him round for supper when his wife (who they said was the real Dean of Jersey) was away. Mark Bond made me aware of this friendship early on and I said I did not like the Dean and please could mark not discuss me with him? Mark replied that he and the Dean had a different theology and saw things differently.
I was upset that I had not escaped the Dean/Jane Fisher intrusion and influence on my worship, and that nothing appeared to be being done about my complaints and instead of anything being done about the Avertys and the Dean, the Bishop and Jane Fisher had got me into police trouble and damaged my work and home and worship and relationships.

It was September, the Bishop was in the island and though he made no effort at all to meet with me or communicate, he was at the Deanery, with the Dean, allied, while I was left shamed because he had had me in police trouble and I was being shamed whatever church I went to, shamed by Mark Bond and Judith Davey at the same time as them trying to help me. But it was too late for help now. I was waiting to die. My biggest regret at that time was that the suicide attempt had not worked.
Mark Bond said that many people actually gave up and waited to die or tried to speed the process up, he said that his mother did, she tried to drink and smoke herself to death.

The Bishop then apparently said to Judith Davey at a review at the Deanery that he was ‘grateful to her for helping me’.  I was furious, as far as I was concerned no one I was maligned to could help me and it was too late and there was the Bishop sitting at the Deanery with the Dean, talking about me, letting me be given a bad name and refusing to even communicate with me about my complaint.

I snapped, I phoned the Deanery and was furious and said the Bishop should be leaving his meeting in an ambulance or something.
The record of this that was read in court was incorrect, the time they stated was a few hours wrong and I cannot remember what else was inaccurate, I did lose my temper and say things I shouldn’t but that was in one phonecall, the only one I had made to the Deanery in months and again the report in court was inaccurate.
The only other person I think I emailed was Jane Fisher. But I was beyond anything by then. Anne was in hospital in a serious condition because the doctors could not get a needle or line into her to do dialysis and this seemed like the end for her, the end with Jane Fisher and the Diocese having intervened in my friendship with Anne as she was dying and having used Anne as an excuse for my breakdown, as well as trying to imply to me and others that I was seriously mentally ill.

The next morning I was due to be working on a volunteer project all day. But I was now in collapse and had not actually known what to do after making contact with the Deanery and Jane Fisher, nearly throwing myself into the sea but also knowing that this matter was unfinished and I was unheard and thus I needed somehow to find someone who would bring justice.

I was arrested.
But it was a mess.
Some police officers came into the house early on Sunday morning. They asked if I was ****** who owned a blue Rover metro, registration plate *******, I was puzzled and told them that the car had been scrapped.
The officer didn’t seem to know what to say and claimed he was making conversation or something.
Then the other officer came in but they remained unclear.
They searched my room, claiming to be looking for ‘computer equipment’ or something.
Money on my table went missing and was not seen again and I was powerless to report it later as I was homeless in England and treated as if I was mad anyway.

The police were not clear with me, they put me in the police car and spoke to my landlady. The police could not clearly tell me whether it was the Dean or the Bishop who was having me arrested, they mentioned both, alternately, and I think they mentioned Jane Fisher as well but I am not sure. I kept asking them who I was being arrested for, but they remained unclear.

In the police station and before, I was handled roughly. When I had been arrested I had not been wearing a bra, and I felt very vulnerable. I had gone to sleep in my semi-pyjama outfit, my leggings were tracksuit that I used as pyjamas normally, my top was my daytime jumper and I had socks and shoes and knickers on but not a bra.

The custody sargent knew me from elsewhere and jeered and claimed I was not autistic ‘because I could carry on a conversation’.
I do not recall what happened properly. They said I had an appropriate adult on record who now refused to act for me, they treated that as if it was my fault and I was bad, the appropriate adult would either have been Philip LeClaire, who no longer worked for Autism Jersey, or the Victim support worker who was phoning me when she was drunk and causing me problems so I said she wasn’t to work with me.
But I was treated as if it was my fault. I do not know what paperwork was done or what happened. I remember being dragged and carried and thrown about.
I remember being dizzy.
I remember calling out for my Dad in Hebrew, his preferred language ‘Abba, Abba, Eyphoh, eyphoh?’ because I remembered my Dad telling me that when he was in a police cell he felt at risk from harm from the police and so he walked round his cell singing praise to God all night and the police didn’t touch him.

I remember knowing that I had no hope at all, that Bob key had won completely in his battle to avoid accountability, and no matter what happened now, I would never have a clean record or quality of life again.
I still did not know whether the Bishop, Jane Fisher or Bob Key had had me arrested, or all three.

I fell.
I do not know what happened or how time passed.

The custody sargent who knew me was jeering at me through the cell door.
I was sick but I had only had water and the sick went in my hair.

I was not fully awake most of the time I was there and I do not know how long I was in a cell for. I suffer claustrophobia.
The Doctor who had been there to assess me when the Avertys complained about me was there, he was jeering. As were the police, they talked about putting a needle in my eye to wake me up and stripping me and putting me in a cell suit, but I couldn’t properly wake and tell them that I was not feeling well.
One of them, a police or a doctor, took hold of me by the chest and pulled me. I couldn’t wake but I kind of knew they were there.
They did something else to try and wake me but I didn’t feel it. I knew they were there and then I knew nothing.
Someone spoke to me by name and said a man was there who would get me out of there or something. But I couldn’t wake.
Someone spoke and told me they would be back in the morning, I think it was the Doctor.

I woke, I do not know when. Someone spoke, he was sitting in the doorway on something.
He said he was the St. Helier Centenier. He said he was charging me, something to do with the Dean. No one else was in the room or present that I could see, unless they were in the corridor.
I did know that the centenier would be a close colleague of Bob key and with him at liberation day and all events like that, and probably even part of his church.
I don’t remember after that.

It was morning and the custody sargent who jeered was saying something to me about me ending up in LaMoye if I didn’t respond.
I was awake.
He said something about a doctor.
I tried to get up.
I tried to walk myself to the doctor, the police would not keep their hands off me.
I do not know what the doctor said, apart from saying something about me ‘freshening up’. I did not know what was expected of me or what I was being asked.
I did not do the freshening up, I did not know what it meant. There was no one to tell me and no one who cared. There was no appropriate adult.
I was taken back to the cell.
I do not know or understand what that was about.
I did not eat or drink, I was terrified out of my mind on top of knowing that Anne might be dead and that I was never going to be ok again.

I was roughly treated further and locked in a tiny cage in a police van. I think it was this time but it might have been coming away from LaMoye that I was whimpering in terror and a man in another of the cages in the van shouted out ‘Is it your first time, love? Don’t worry, you get used to it’.
I couldn’t imagine how anyone could ‘get used to’ being bad and almost be matter of fact about it.

I continued to be brutally treated and dragged by my arms by the police, my upper arms are very sensitive indeed, and I tried to tell the police this and told them I was autistic and they said I wasn’t and they said that everyone makes excuses and they flung me on the floor of a cell in the court. I stayed on the floor.

I do not know how long I was there, the other people in cells asked for coffee and toilet paper and things as if this was all normal and ok.

I was taken to a room, the woman there was the other side of a barrier and I could not hear her and she could not hear me.
So she was allowed to sit with me.
She told me I had been bad. That I had done bad things and no matter what had happened to me I was in the wrong.
I told her there was more to it than that. I told her I had been abused and that the Dean and Diocese had been unhelpful and I hadn’t been able to cope. I did my best to explain in the state I was in. But as far as she was concerned I was bad.

She told me that I was to ‘reserve my plea’ in court and that bail meant I might have to hand in my passport and have a curfew.
I did not know what all of it meant but I was only doing as I was told.

So I did as I was told in court and no one told me how to address the judge but I think I called him ‘Sir’.
I knew it could have been bad being in court because Bridget Shaw, the wife of the Rector of St. Clements was the main magistrate then, but I don’t think she was in court, I do not know who was.

The person in court claimed I had gone to the Deanery swearing and shouting when I had not, and made it sound like I had been phoning them all the time and stopped when I was given a warning, but I had not been given a warning and I was not phoning the Dean all the time and then they said I stopped when I was given the warning until that time I phoned about the Bishop the previous day, but they gave a very very inaccurate time of me phoning the Deanery. And other innacuracies but I cannot remember. I do know it did not describe things.

The court told the police to phone my work and home to see if they would accept me back, but I knew that was bad because the police had treated me bad so far and never understood me. I could imagine that I would not be allowed home and I knew I would lose my job because I worked for a nursing home and everyone’s contract said that if you got in police trouble you were likely to lose your job.
I was put back in the cells while the police did that, I do not know how long for.

I was put back in court and I do not understand all of what was said but my landlady would not have me back so I was sent to prison.

I was put in the police van, I seem to remember that they let me walk this time and were not too brutal letting me get in the police van.
When I got taken to the prison I was terrified.
I thought I was going to be knocked about more. I did not have my glasses and had not seen those since I had got put in the police cell and I could hardly see without them.

When I got took to the prison. I was put in a room with benches and they tried to give me a hot drink but I was terrified because I was trapped, in prison, bad, never good again, it was the end of me. I did not know that prison staff are different from police and could be ok.

A female prison warder spoke to me, she said something like ‘Hi mate, do you smoke? Shall we go and have a fag and a chat?’ This was so very different from the police brutality that I was shocked, I was in prison and was being spoken to as if I was a real person and as if everything was ok.
I do not remember if I even responded, I returned to the kind of semi-conscious state, I don’t know if I fell or crawled but I was under a bench.
I know what exactly happened but the prison staff, instead of being brutal, seemed baffled, and I heard someone say they thought I had fainted and someone say ‘…then she was under the bench’.
The female warder came back and said to me something like ‘you look like you need a good sleep, maybe a nice shower and a good sleep’ and I went with her and she found me some prison tracksuit clothes and showed me to the shower, but I didn’t want a shower when I was being watched, I am a very very private and modest person and I never show my body to anyone.
The lady said she would let me shower without watching, but she wasn’t completely truthful because she did watch and later told the prison records person that she didn’t see any scars on me when I was showering. I didn’t know if the scars I do have were important enough to record.

Anyway I showered myself and was grateful, I was indeed in need of a shower and I went through my routine of washing everything three times, until the lady said ‘that’s enough!’ and I felt embarrassed.

Then I put on the grey tracksuit and she let some male prison officers take charge and they took hold of me and I completely freaked out and they were dragging me and calling for backup but the lady prison officer said to them ‘no, let her go, it’s because you are male, let her go and it will be ok’ and they did and she walked with me to where the cell was in the remand wing where there was only one other prisoner.

They put me in a cell and I went to sleep. There was almost nothing in the cell and only basic bedding which was supposed to be safety bedding so I could not hurt myself.
I went to sleep and I needed to sleep, I was exhausted.
But the man kept coming past and tapping on the door and asking if I was ok? I think, or apparently he did a thumbs up sign at me but I hadn’t got my glasses and I couldn’t see him but he thought I knew he did the thumbs up sign.

Everything is a blur but I am not sure where anything fits in place after that but there is a lot to write.

I could not see very much and I did not always know what was expected of me and I wasn’t always told, nor was I told the prison routine and sometimes that was a problem.

I am terrified of people standing in doorways and the staff always stood in the doorway, basically I was now living all my worst fears.

There were a number of staff and my ability to recognize people is impaired anyway and without glasses at first I could not tell who was who.
The female member of staff who had been involved so far continued to work with me, she had been told or realised that I was autistic and made an effort to ensure that I understood her.
There was another female member of staff who also made an effort.
I kept hiding in a with my blanket over my head, but they said I should not do this because they were meant to observe me and me going in the corner was making observation difficult.
I tried to be co-operative but I was utterly petrified and hiding in the corner under the blanket was my way of trying to be safe.

They kept bringing me food and drinks and I was not hungry but kept being sick or ‘bringing up food’ - I will explain in a minute.
They kept urging me to eat, and they were not the police, they were genuinely trying to help, so I did my best to co-operate even though I was not hungry.

There was a video camera in the cell, I was on camera all the time and so I was embarrassed to go to the toilet. One of the male staff asked if I was ‘making myself sick’ and I assured them that I was not.
Within a few days the female warders were taking me out of my cell to encourage me to help them when they made me a hot drink.
The drink was made in a blue plastic mug and was made with powdered milk and I realised that the milk might be contributing to the problems.
I told them nervously that I might be being sick because I couldn’t digest powdered milk. They responded by arranging for some proper milk for my tea.

They tried to encourage me to come outdoors for exercise and I told them I would go mad with grief if I was taken outside but not free.
They also turned up with my glasses and asked why I had not asked for them, I responded that I had not known that I was allowed my glasses, I had not known where they were and had written them off as lost.
I did not want to wear my glasses at first as I did not want to see that I was trapped.
I was in a bare cell and under watch all the time.
But the staff were aware that I was terrified and were trying to help.

The church of England chaplain was sent, I do not remember if I asked or not. But when she came, I was under my blanket in the corner of the cell floor.
The staff tried to get me to poke my head out of the blanket, and they told me the chaplain had come to help.
She was wearing a green shirt.
I said ‘dog collar?’ and she said ‘yes’, and I said ‘Bible?’ she said yes and asked if I wanted a Bible, I said I did.
I was not comfortable about seeing a Church of England chaplain and had a feeling that any church of England chaplain would be linked to Bob Key and others in the island churches who had hurt me, at the time I didn’t think Jane Fisher, but I should have done when later on, when I specifically asked to see a methodist or Catholic chaplain (the prison had both), the church of England chaplain continued to turn up despite me being specific and again the ‘forcing on me’ which is typical of Jane Fisher, meant that this Church of England chaplin kept coming.
It is like being raped, every time Jane Fisher exposes and violates me trhough other people.

Anyway. The staff at LaMoye continued to try and help me, but some things were not explained to me at all, including that they have a ‘lockdown’ once a week when all staff are in a meeting and they do not even provide breakfast, or didn’t to me when it was like that.
My blood sugar drops when I don’t eat, and I am not supposed to fast because I become ill. So that didn’t help. And I didn’t know about it. No-one formally explained anything, like when the medicine comes round you are meant to go and get it, so I missed out on my medicine because I did not know, was scared of the medicne person and not well and I didn’t know I was allowed to go to the cell door when it was opened.

The cell had to be cleaned very day, and at first the warders did it and then supervised me having a shower and then they taught me to clean the cell and they brought my day clothes, nicely laundered (but I was still without a bra, much to my shame), and then as time went on they let me shower and the restrictions on me were lifted so that I could have proper bedding and a CD player with some CD’s and some books, they kindly took me to the library and got me lots and lots of extra books, and they got me pen and paper so I could try and write down what had happened to me, but in that state I could barely write adequately.

The staff asked if I would like to go upstairs and meet the others, I was downstairs in the remand wing and the sentenced prisoners were upsatirs), I said no, I remembered that old television programme with the scary prison women on it.
But eventually I came upstairs. The other women, aware that I was ‘special needs’, were extremely kind and supportive, they told me about themselves and they encouraged me to play pool and card games (which I struggled to understand), they chatted with me, lent me books and sent notes down to my cell via the warders and generally were so very nice that I wished I had met them all outside of prison as I felt safe with them. They did their very best to work with my autism and communicate clearly and I wish there was a better way of paying tribute to them.

One young woman in particular befriended me and I was allowed to sit in her cell with her, she had all her things in there as if it was her home, we sat on her bed and chatted and I taught her some sign language and she showed me the computer she had, which was actually very good, it had music and everything. Her boyfriend was in prison as well and they had a young daughter who was living with her mother. When her boyfriend was marched past the block, she waved to him out the window.

The support and activities with the other women was very helpful to me.
They were immeasurably kind and reassuring.

But I hated it that the guards had to search me every time I returned to my wing, they were sympathetic, unlike the police, and they knew that the touch hurt me, but they had to do it.
They also tried to get me to go to the gym with the other girls but seemed to forget or be unaware that I had no bra, I had been taken from my home not fully dressed for daytime and had no bra and I was too embarrassed to tell them this.

The other woman in the remand wing was noisy and angry, shouting all the time at the staff, and it echoed, it drove me mad with distress, and worst of all, she played music on top volume, but when I wrote it down for the staff that it was upsetting me, that seemed to be one thing they could do nothing about.

I am grateful to the staff for everything they did do for me, they said they have no choice as to who comes into prison but they try to work with, and help, everyone who did come in.

They also let me have as much computer access as they could to enable me to write. No internet but plenty of word processing.
And someone tried to interest me in an art group but I freaked out and couldn’t cope.

I was allowed extra time in the library, and there was a chapel service on Sundays but people I knew had come in to run it and I was too ashamed to go, St. Matthews people.

The prison warders also took me to see the manager at the prison to work out how to help me cope with being locked in and in prison, because I was so stressed. He asked me what I did when I was not in prison and got stressed, what helped to calm me down? I told him that I would go out to Noirmont or Corbiere and climb out on the rocks there and sit alone.
He did his best to ensure that I could be out of my cell and out in the exercise yard as much as possible.
Basically the staff really tried to help, even when they got the churches side of things against me.

People who came to see me in Prison:

A prison psychologist. I am not sure why but at first someone said she worked out why people did things that made them go to prison, but then she seemed to understand, and I am not absolutely sure on this, she seemed to understand that I was not actually deliberately bad. One time I had to say I could not see her because I felt ill, and the reason I got ill was that I had two duvets on my bed, and I wanted both, for comfort but it was causing me to overheat and get drowsy and headachy.

The chaplain, the CofE chaplin who turned up even when I asked for an alternative chaplain, I now know that this is Jane Fisher’s doing and I feel violated by it as I feel violated by all her interventions.
This chaplain was determined to be involved even when I specifically wrote to staff asking for a different chaplain.
One day she took me upstairs to talk and a Catholic Bishop was visiting and I got to meet him. But she was asking me about things, as if she didn’t know, and I got suspicious and asked if she had been discussing me with the Dean and she said she had only been in the island a short time and didn’t know anyone involved. But seeing as the Dean and Deanery select Clergy, that couldn’t strictly be true, but then she was in a hurry to put me back in my cell.

The Mental health woman: This was a nasty intrusion and this woman treated me as if I was bad, she was abrupt and rude and I felt as if she was forced upon me and that this was another attempt to make me out to be insane.
I do not understand why she came into things and I fail to see how she helped, in fact the things she said were very upsetting to me and wounded me.

The solicitors: I was sent a lawyer, an English lawyer who apparently was not allowed to represent me in Jersey courts.
Thus I wondered and wonder what the point of him being involved was.
I didn’t really understand much about it. He or the prison staff gave me a load of paperwork and told me to read it and reply, but I was traumatized, this was apparently statements from the Dean and the Bishop and jane Fisher, the Bishop and Jane Fisher and a policeman were named as the Dean’s witnesses.
I didn’t read anything. I was already too hurt and traumatized and trying to keep myself sane in prison, mainly by dissociating and dreaming that I was roaming the roads of South Hampshire alone and free.

The solicitor was there with the rude mental health woman and he said I had no good choices.
The subject of being bound over to leave the island came up somehow and I said that might be best as I had no home, no job and legally wasn’t allowed to sleep rough in Jersey and would not be able to take another home and job and have to live branded officially for the benefit of the church community who already treated me so badly.
And of course, my biggest concern was that if I didn’t agree to being bound over then I would have to be kept in prison because there was nowhere to go and nothing for me.
I made the solicitor aware that I had been trying to get help and that I had been awaiting my first psychological appointment, after so long of being refused psychological help because of my autism.

The solicitor made me read something to him and asked me what it meant and I tried to explain but I was bewildered and I wanted the mental health lady not to be there because I didn’t like her.

The solicitor sent a clinical psychologist to assess me in prison and the psychologist said he found me free from serious mental illness
(which is what church people in Jersey had been implying for so long and even Jane Fisher and Tracy LeCouter had made me out to be seriously mentally ill).
I guess they have no understanding about the psychological harm I suffered or the Post Traumatic Stress.

My friends came to see me in prison but the warder would not give me space and privacy to talk to them but kept standing over me. My friends said they would write a letter to the court on my behalf, but the solicitor intervened and breached confidences to them, embarrassing me by sharing what I was supposed to have done, again not explaining my own circumstances that led to what I did.

My friends did write me a letter though and that went to the solicitor and then the courts.
My friends also said they would have me to stay when they returned to England if I got out of prison.
My friends also paid money for me because I had no access to money and I was supposed to be paying the prison for my food and laundry and things and I have no idea how people who live in prison do that but I was in prison without my money or possessions and so I was in debt to the prison and then my friend.

The English Solicitor was not allowed to represent me in court as he was not qualified under Jersey Law, so there was another female solicitor who I did not get to know and know nothing about.

Back to court:

I will keep this brief because it is traumatic and because I am not sure I remember anything properly.

Before I was due in court again, one of the prison staff started talking to me about food menus, they had just been bringing me whatever prison food was available and not a choice like the sentenced people had, but the member of staff said I should have a menu prepared in case I came back to prison after court, I thought they were telling me I was coming back after court, and I broke down in tears and they tried to comfort me and tell me they hadn’t meant it like that.

I was handcuffed and put in a cage in a police van.

I do not remember how long I had to wait to go in court but the new lady solicitor was taking the case, I was told to plead not guilty to Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt’s charges against me but to plead guilty to Bob key’s charge against me.
The mental health woman was there and was being bossy and rude, she was taking my hand and leading me about as if I was an idiot and I felt like an idiot and I resented her, but I felt that if I did not go along with everyone then I would end up back in prison.
I knew I wouldn’t survive if I was put back in prison, even with all the nice people. I have always been an outdoors person and worked outdoors all my working life, and outdoors is my life force.

My friends from Hampshire were there, there were not many people there. The mental health lady took my hand and took me into court. I didn’t like her being there but at least someone was there. I sucked my thumb because I was very distressed.

I do not know what a lot of court things mean.
I do know that the judge man and the people up there seemed slightly surprised that I was pleading not guilty to Jane Fisher and the Bishop and pleading guilty to Bob Key, but I just did as I was told, I do not understand enough to know what it all meant and why. I know I was being condemned as bad forever that is all. (but when Jane Fisher and the Bishop had me arrested again in 2011 it was claimed in court that they had had me convicted in Jersey, even though it was bob key who I was made to plead guilty to in Jersey).

The judge said something about how hard I had worked to educate myself and he hoped I would do that some more when I went back to the mainland. But I wondered if he understood that once you are a criminal you are bad forever and no amount of education makes you employable or acceptable and that there was no point whatsoever in me trying to finish my education now. People who are deemed bad live in the gutters and smoke and drink because they are not going to get employment or volunteer work or houses or be welcome anywhere.

Anyway, I do not know what it all meant and the judge and whoever else was talking talked about me being bound over to leave the island and that seemed to be what happened and they made an error something about thinking I was going back with my friends who were in court or them arranging me going back. But I don’t know but the judge had to come back because of it.

So then I was taken back to the police station but they did not be nasty any more, they got me hot drink and made me fingerprint and photo and paperwork and everything I did not really understand and they talked about booking me a flight and where was my passport and they did an identity sheet because I did not know where my passport was.

Then they took me to my house. All my things were there but instead of getting me any things they brought out the bags of clothes I had ready for the charity, which were no good for me and they thought that was my clothes but I couldn’t tell them, and they found my passport, which was a Jersey passport.

My landlady came to sit in the police car with me and she was so concerned and so upset, but she had said she wouldn’t have me back so that is why I got put in prison so it was hard for me to talk to her.

Then I got taken to the airport and put on a plane and I came back to England.

I got back to the airport in Southampton and had nowhere to go. I logged onto the internet there where I had weeks worth of emails from friends, charities and various things. But it seemed that everyone in Jersey who I worked for and with knew I had been bad and condemned and they wouldn’t speak to me.

I booked myself into a hotel now that I could access my money, but the money that had been in my room when the police arrested me was never seen again and I never got my possessions back either.
I went in the hotel room and looked through the clothes the police had brought out, thankfully there was an old bra in there and I put that on though it was not very comfortable, it was better than nothing.

I cried and shook all night, trying to calm myself with the quiet calming music on the radio, but I knew what had happened was wrong even if I had retaliated to the church, they had made me out to be bad but they had done bad and what happened to me was real.
Ever since then, until the shock of recently being traced and ‘apologized to’ by the Bishop and Archbishop, I have been alone with all this and unable to face what has happened.
I didn’t realise that night that the matter was not over, Jane Fisher and the Bishop were not going to let me alone and were immediately contacting my friends and sending messages via Juliet Montague, who had covered up what her husband did to me and to his daughter and who had heavily involved herself in the case in Jersey, but against me, and yet, Jane Fisher emailed Juliet when I came back from Jersey and used her to pass her and the Bishop’s side of things on to my friends in Juliet’s parishes, including my friend Anne, who died estranged from me as a result!

But that is for another statement.
Anything ommitted from this is omitted because I have forgotten or didn’t know about it or understand it.

re-post of Jersey safeguarding concerns

Monday, 21 October 2013

Jersey Safeguarding concerns

bullet point safeguarding concerns in Jersey 1.

This is a brief description of some of my concerns of safeguarding in Jersey:

I do not know the full picture with regards to safeguarding in Jersey but I can share some of my experiences, I can do some church by church and general stuff.
This is stuff that no-one is going to see in the safeguarding report comissioned by Bishop Dakin, because my side of things has been omitted, the Bishop has cleared the Dean and the Deanery has hijacked the report to clear themselves at my expense, and the damage is now bringing me close to breaking, either my heart or mind will fail soon, so I will write while I can, having had to give up any normal activities such as college.

St. Matthews, Millbrook:

  • The books and their use. Previously described to John and Christine. St. Matthews promotes Books that contain stories and references to abuse as if it is something to be forgiven and then everything will be alright. A story is given of a church man raping a church woman and how every time she saw him at a gathering she had to remember to forgive him and when she saw him laughing with other people she was to remember forgiveness and she started feeling better, no police or reporting of the rape was involved, the focus was forgiveness and I do not think that is a good example of anything, especially not to a vulnerable or abused person. Forgiveness takes time, and in the case of an abuser or rapist, they are a danger to others. No church should teach that forgiveness is everything in such cases and lead anyone to the impression that a church man who goes to a lone churchwoman's house and rapes her should not be reported but should be forgiven and left in church positions.
  • A book containing a paragraph about how 'Satanists are praying for the breakup of clergy marriages in the USA', this paragraph has been redone and shared in Jersey and Overton as 'Satanists praying for the breakup of clergy marriages in Jersey'. There are a variety of Americanist evangelical extreme books and the services run along the same lines. Scaremongering and playing with people's minds is dangerous and many people who go to church, especially healing services, have vulnerability or are in need. Easily bought, as I have been with some things said and done in the Overton church and St. Matthews in Jersey, both churches had a close link due to George and Jill Lihou being Phil and Heather Warren's parents-in-law. The kind of things like 'there are satanists here praying for the breakup of clergy marriages, is manipulative, uncharacteristic of true Satanists and the aim is to send a shiver up people's spines, just as a lot of extreme evangelical manipulations are.
  • Going too far with signs and wonders and games. I described the game where the people in the prayer room at St. Matthews made me step forward to 'prophetically step forward' in life. Well some of St. Matthews games were thrilling and sometimes I got caught up in them but some were pushing boundaries. The Charismatic tricks that are easy for vulnerable and needy people to get caught up in.
  • the Vicar's wife, Heather (George and Jill Lihou's daughter), would go round telling certain longstanding members of the congregation some 'visions' to shout out during the service, this was usual. The usual charismatic 'coming up with health problems that someone in the congregation is likely to have', the light pushing on people's shoulders when laying hands on them, either to make it feel like something was happening or to make them 'fall over for Jesus, etc. Sometimes it was all fun, sometimes it was spooky. I remember how Heather Warren used to throw herself on the floor, and she was a big woman, and she and the others would be going 'Daddy God, Daddy God, Daddy, Daddy', I didn't like that because it reminded me of Robb, who called himself my 'daddy' and I also knew that such things could not be to do with real God or Jesus, because they would not condone that, Jesus would have looked tand asked what she was doing, . I am not sure what God thinks of people throwing themselves about, but it is show rather than worship. 
  •  Anyway, it was all extreme and they used to play a tape I called 'the sobbing tape' which made strange moaning sobbing noises, and it could sound a bit dodgy, it did one time when the girl at the microphone kept going on about us being God's bride all prepared and fresh and things, it did sound wierd, it was very much about raising emotions, almost sexual, close to the boundaries sometimes, a bit dodgy for some vulnerable people. and easy to buy into, I did.
  • crossing professional boundaries. Dr Balmer, as far as I know he held some position in church, possibly a church officer, but he was also my Doctor, I remember being horrified when he actually out loud and in front of people spoke to me about things I had spoken to him about at the surgery, including looking for work. I know Jersey is behind the times but that was just wrong.I changed my surgery soon after that. You can't go to a doctor who is part of a church that has rumours about you and who can breach confidences that way, who knows what he could have told the Warrens from my records! And sadly, in such a small island similar problems occured repeatedly.
  • Phil Warren's attack on me where he trapped me, said he had 'heard about me' and threatened to ban me and accused me of threatening him. This is described elsewhere, so i will not repeat it in detail. Horrendous.And the apology did not explain why he had done it so Jane Fisher claimed it had not happened as it did. What kind of safeguarder is Jane Fisher if she excused this behaviour?!
  • Basically despite these points, I liked this church as part of my routine, for a cuppa at the cafe and the monthly evening service that people from all over the island attended. It is overpowering and they do go over the top with their influences sometimes but nothing apart from that. St. Matthews is trying to be an American evangelical/cult church. Which is not necessarily healthy.
I have no safeguarding concerns about St. Lawrence's church. I only went there for occasional early morning communion. 

St Andrews, First Tower:

Where do I start? This was one of the worst churches I have ever been to, Jane Fisher claims they improved it, but I don't know. 'Improved' by Jane Fisher's standards does not necessarily mean a thing.

  • My first experience of St. Andrews was the churchwarden coming to sit next to me, then Lindy Taylor (the Vicar's wife)coming over and the churchwarden saying that Lindy had come to 'keep an eye on him', that should have set alarm bells ringing but I was naive. - I guess this was the chaperoning policy that failed the rest of the time.
  • My second experience was right after that, Lindy talking about a vision she had of someone 'new to the church' coming in to that evening service. Oh yes, I bet she had a vision of putting the kettle on when she got home as well. Immediately the attempts to manipulate had started, as well as the fact I had immediately attracted the abusive churchwarden.
  • So that was, and maybe still is, St. Andrews. I doubt that they turned into a good church under Mike Taylor.
  • They used prayers and visions and even sermons, to try and control, shame and single out people in the congregation, or congregation as a whole, Neville's prayers that 'people would accept the new service patters' and the way I was slated for even asking about the new service pattern, still stands out. control through prayers is never appropriate.
  • They messed with my head, discriminated against me and excluded me, they treated me as if I was a cripple and it was from them that I learned that I was disabled, 'a disabled' to be more precise, I was treated as if I couldn't do anything and I was marginalized, and the churchwarden encouraged that because he wanted to be 'the man' between me and the congregation, so that everyone went through him to speak to me, and about me, and he made me feel so small when he described back to me what people, even Janet, were saying, he seemed to enjoy that. He was not chaperoned with me as claimed, nor was he chaperoned with anyone, he was allowed to hug and touch the women in the congregation and he routinely hugged and touched a group of old women, they would pretty much be waiting for him to do it every sunday.
  • Mike (Vicar) and Lindy were proven to have lied to me when they said about there being no spaces for me to steward at new wine, while I contacted new wine in the meantime and was told that there were plenty of spaces. I confronted Lindy and she brushed it off, but a small lie that hurts someone is as bad as a big lie. Basically Mike and Lindy said they would ask New Wine if I could steward, when I told them I was keen to, then they said they had asked and no stewards were wanted, then I asked New Wine and they said they were short of stewards, Mike and Lindy had no adequate answer for lying to me, but that caused me loss of confidence in myself and them and their church.
  • This dishonesty continued with the churchwarden telling me that people were talking about me and him and then when I told the Taylors that, he told them it was nothing, and rather than look into it, the Taylors dismissed it and took to avoiding me.
  • This continued in many ways with hurtful conversations between the Taylors and churchwarden family  about me, which broke my heart but confronting them made it worse and they blamed me.
  • I was made to feel small, I was made to realise that i was less than other people. And added to the disability discrimination, the church was very very sexist, the churchwarden was part of this sexism. It was like being in the dark ages going there, I thought I should wear a long frock with skirts and a bonnet.(sarcasm).
  • I was never made aware that the churchwarden had a history, the closest anyone got to making me aware was that the churchwarden himself talked of his misbehaviours and he said he had been told off at work and sacked from St. Pauls, while his wife said she was worried about his CRB check because he was hugging me! which seemed very odd and worrying. The taylors took to avoiding me and discussing me behind my back with the churchwarden and his wife, basically that, considering that they knew his history, was plain wrong.
  • No-one prevented the churchwarden from taking me home, taking me out sailing or to the warehouse or being alone with me, and even when he was caught hugging me alone in the basement, the person who walked in said nothing. And at work, he stroked me inappropriately and held my hand, no-one took any notice or did anything.
  • If the signs and wonders games were a bit spooky at St. Matthews, they were better set there, but at St. Andrews they were very much using signs, wonders, prayers and sermons to manipulate people, it was a grim and scary atmosphere and it still chills me to remember. If St. Matthews was borderline harmful, St. Andrews was dangerous, and caused me a lot of depression and sadness, very deep, I was looking for another church after less than six months and had profoundly lost faith in God during that time.
  • Basically, that is it, it was not well run, led or integrated, the vicar was not there unless he had to be, despite only having one church, the church wardens ran the place, the singing group were so appaling that even the churchwarden used to turn the sound on the sound desk down to drown them out, but no-one ever told them. It was not a place for the isolated, vulnerable or marginalized, it was a bit like a masonic lodge, all the men in black suits were in charge. I can't think of any more to say, but Jersey is behind the times and St. Andrews had kind of got left behind. St. Andrews was trying to do a poor copy of St. Matthews and St. Pauls, the other two 'cult' churches.
  • Trying to do a bullet point of what the churchwarden and his wife, (and Mike and Lindy) did in full would not work and the documents are available elsewhere so I wont.
  • The New Wine Channel Islands scenario is also too long to add here and will be done separately.

St Pauls, St. Helier:

  • I suppose the most memorable thing is the horrible notice on the kitchen door that was about 'what to do if a mentally ill person came in' which did not differentiate between mental illnesses and made it look like all mentally ill people were mad and needed to be captured by the authorities and locked up. Horrifying and deeply discriminatory, I do hope that it was taken down when I complained to jane Fisher.
  • That, coupled with Reverend Paul Brooks being famous for 'having problems with mentally ill people', the legend that had all details omitted, went that he had 'had problems with mentally ill people coming into church. Was worrying. Why did he have problems and why did he not have training to deal with disabilities rather than treating people with mental health problems as if they were something bad?
  • I was offered and then refused pastoral support at St. pauls. The offer came from someone who did not know I was shunned and condemned and when she went to ask the team to provide support, I was then shunned, by email and no proper explanation given, the real reason being that I was condemned for St. Andrews and the churchwarden (who had previously been sacked from St. Pauls), just the same thing as Phil Warren attacking me for 'what he had heard' and threatening to ban me. While Jane Fisher personally attacked me and tried to deny that there was anything wrong with this.
  • I was made unwelcome when i went up for prayer, it was Ian LeMarquand who did that, made excuses when I emailed him about it, he also claimed not to know I had been abused, despite the fact that he had previously told prayer people not to touch me because I had been abused. He is well known for backing himself into corners and contradicting himself now as home affairs minister in charge of a very very messed up and badly run police force (incidentally he is one of the people who can access my police records in order to bail his Dean out as he is a church reader and one of the 'laity, who have run the hate campaign),. He is also the abusive churchwarden's friend, according to the same and he is also the former magistrate, I do wonder how he is getting on with Dame Steele and the police in the investigations! There is no doubt he will be involved in this matter, probably in a less than honest way.
  • St. Pauls, as well as St. Andrews is one of the reasons I hate church and can't bear to be in a church, but I have learned to live without church. I feel small, ashamed and angry about church. 
  • The woman who innocently asked for pastoral care for me and had to reject me when she was 'told about me' was a doctor, and my worst nightmare came true when I went to my surgery struggling with depression and distress and she was the Doctor, I had a meltdown, again the same as doctor Balmer, this woman from church could view my records and cause me problems, I screamed at the receptionists to close my records so that that woman could not see them. I was living a nightmare and Jane Fisher tried to tell me none of it was happening.
  • The previous Bishop excused the behaviour of St. pauls and said they 'did not have the ability' or something, to offer pastoral care. what are they there for then? they aren't christians then? why, if they do not have the ability are they a) there at all, and b) not provided with training, the Bishop's excuse was appalling.
  • the churchwarden was on the panel that chose Paul brooks as Vicar of St.Pauls and was close to him and the others on the evangelical alliance in Jersey and these people were supportive of the churchwarden against me, and yet the Jane Fisher denied that and the Bishop said that Paul Brooks and Mike Taylor were 'supervising' the churchwarden, yes, use his friends who have treated me badly to supervise him and ensure he feels he did nothing wrong! No wonder the Bishop added that the churchwarden was not doing as asked and refused to obey or accept responsibility, the Bishop said he would probably have to speak to the churchwarden himself! I doubt he bothered. He was coldly disinterested in the whole matter.
  • St. Pauls also did something that St. Andrews and even St.Matthews sometimes did. They used sermons and prayers and parts of the service to get a non-Godly, non-Christian and very person-directed message across. I remember some weedy youth who was supposed to be 'training' doing a talk that was about 'weeding out the troublemakers' and he either said or implied that this was about the St. Paul's congregation. He said that some people caused trouble and dissent and so they had to be persuaded in a 'christian way' to leave. Oh yes? This was not aimed at me as far as I know, but it is no way  to deal with disputes in a church. Kick people out when they don't do it your way? I have never before or since heard a sermon time abused in order to tell people they are not welcome in a church!
  • The signs and wonders, they did pretty much the same as St. matthews, with a slight St. Andrews lean, they appeared to use actual church notes, prayer requests and discussions to come up with their signs and wonders to manipulate emotions, very clever.
  • But individuals there had their own 'visions and games' and I remember Trevor LeMaistre, just before he died, saying that someone had seen an Eagle above Jersey and that meant there was an open heaven. Oh yes? what is there an open heaven for? just to get the tingle down your spine? because the signs and wonders and games are all very well if people are behaving in a Christian way, and if they aren't then they need to put the signs and wonders aside and concentrate on that. Signs and wonders without basic Christianity shows that something is wrong.
  • I was fine at St. Pauls until they 'heard about me, reacted accordingly and I reacted to them.

St Ouens:

  • The way they dropped the pastoral care and the way John Harkin pointedly made sure I knew I was not welcome, still hurts, Jane Fisher's denials hurt even more, and my reaction to the least offensive of all the shunnings and wounds, the Harkins rejecting me, hurts the most.
  • The way John Harkin spoke about me to the baptist lady when I was on duty at Jersey Keswick was hurtful and wrong.
  • They were only minorly involved in the signs and wonders and other games but once rejected by the Harkins with no explanation, I felt rejected as a whole and by the whole church. This rejection may have been because the Harkins were close to the Dean or because Jane Fisher intervened, I will never know, I only know I was thrown away, and in everything that happened, each wound like this contributed to me falling further and further apart, I needed solid, trustworthy and open pastoral help during the time after I had reported Robb, but I never received any. And since the Dean and his wife made it very clear that they believed the Avertys over me, that would be enough reason for their friends, the Harkins, to reject me. though I have no doubt that if there was input from Jane Fisher, that would have had the same effect.
  • Especially as Gerard LeFeuvre, Robb' nephew and grand master freemason and his family belonged to that church, as did Gerry Padden who had been involved through the Grace Trust, of which I was a client but the chruchearden and his wife were patrons, leaders, and probably still are, that church was no place for me.
There is no need to re-explain the Dean matter to anyone,  the notes which will be published and even the Korris report has explained it reasonably well, and Bishop Dakin has cleared the Dean and let Dame Steel proceed to clear him again. seems pointless and I am glad that everyone hates Tim Dakin.

I thought I would say something interesting here. 
The leaders of the opposition to me and the hate campaign are from Reverend Mike Lange-Smith's church at Grouville, the opposition are Philip Bailhache and Bruce Willing.
I went to french classes with Mike Lange-Smith's wife, and because of my communication problems, she often worked with me, one-to-one on French conversation while we were at college, as the tutor was very kind and understanding to me. I never had any problems with Mrs Lange-Smith, nor did she have problems with me as far as I know, she was very patient with me because of my difficulties. I knew she was a rector's wife and was worried about it but there were no problems, I wonder if the Lange-Smiths realise that I am the same person, that went to college with Mrs Lange-Smith, and they are playing a part in supporting villifying me. I was always afraid that Mrs Lange-Smith would work out that I was the one who was condemned on the grapevine in island churches -which the Korris report claims is not the case but which is the case.
  • Churches I do not know well and no nothing of the safeguarding - St. Johns, St. Marys, St. Simons, St. Martins (reputed to have housed a rapist), Grouville, Gouray, Trinity. 
  • Well I have heard recently that the Vicar of St. Johns is an alcoholic and did a character reference for a child abuser for court, but that is, despite being backed up by newspaper reports and a number of witnesses, not part of my experience. I have a feeling that it will be another thing that the Diocese of Winchester will overlook, because Jane Fisher appears to be a 'close the door after the horse has bolted' type safeguarding measure, with little interest in real safeguarding.
  • I didn't see any problems with St. Clements or St Brelades really, apart from Jane Fisher barging in and me having been slandered to St. Brelades. 
  • I have heard that there has been a safeguarding concern about St. brelades recently, but I am not aware of the details and all I can say is it sounds out of character for Mark Bond, no matter what he and his wife have done against me in response to this absolutely unfair investigation which lumps all the clergy in Jersey together as if they are all potential wrongdoers and yet omits my side of things. Last I heard was that Jane Fisher was handling this complaint the same way that she handled mine, doing nothing and hoping it went away, and I have no doubt that if the complainant complained about her, it would be treated just as my complaint against her has been.

New Wine Channel Island, another wound that affects my worship to this day, it is a mental scar:

I don't even want to write about it.

When you are branded mad and disbelieved, it can be hard to express what you see going on because you don't expect to be believed and people don't always want you to be believed. I was treated as if I had no credibility throughout the situation in Jersey.
And, that is how many abuse victims used to end up as psychiatric patients and in detention places like the industrial schools and magdalen laundries in Ireland. 
We are bad for trying to speak about incomprehensible, mad things.

New Wine Channel Islands 2008:

It was a big evangelical cult thing, run by the three/four main 'evangelical' churches, those mentioned above, St Matthews, St.Pauls, St. Ouens and St. Andrews, with input from other independent free churches in the island/s

For those running it on stage it was like a big show and they were performing. It was mainly Phil Warren and his family from Jersey and Guernsey.

I was there, and separate from the churchwarden and his wife who were also there, because I had spoken up about the churchwarden for the first time and I did not want to be near them and they did not approach me.

The Keys arrived and Bob key was kind of waffling on stage, about himself, and Daphne Key went and sat with the churchwarden and his wife, as she usually did in the town church, and apparently she asked them if I would not sit with them because she was there and they told her that was not the reason - but interestingly did not tell her the reason, so whoever they 'took advice from' (as they told me) when I said the churchwarden had abused me, it may not have been the Keys.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was fellow churchman and legal expert Philip Bailhache or Ian LeMarquand, but there is no proof.

Anyway, the church leaders and band were whipping everyone up into a frenzy, as they do and as they did. everyone including me was getting crazy and they were throwing signs and wonders and there was this and that person in the crowd who they said had this or that pain and they needed to stand up and be prayed for.
I got caught up in it and then they were going on about someone who gets angry and verbally vomits on people and that person needed healing  and if that person verbally vomited on you then you needed to hug them and that was the solution and then they said how 'poor Mike Taylor needed healing' and they all gathered round and prayed for him.

Then they got the children to lay hands on people, now this is somthing that St. matthews did as well in their church and I have omitted it and it is a safeguarding complaint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Getting children to lay hands on adults is in no way acceptable.

They then got the children to lift their arms up and form a 'prayer archway' and got the adults to walk through, this is borderline but I do not like it, but I am more concerned with them getting the children to lay hands on people which is a St. Matthews thing and I forgot it earlier.

Anyway, Mike Taylor hugged me and I was surprised and all caught up in the frenzy, so I hugged him in return, but he should have asked, shouldn't he? and it was all part of the game, about what they had said earlier about hugging someone who verbally vomits on you. I had been furious the way the Taylors and the churchwarden couple had discussed me behind my back and I had been angry with Mike and Lindy and their lies about New Wine and the way they had let the churchwarden say nothing was wrong when I went to them about what he had said and how they had treated me about my queries over the new services.

So at the time, caught up in the frenzy, I thought that I was being directed by God, that I was being admonished by God, that God had put everything right and that I was all cleansed of my bad sins against the Taylors and churchwarden couple and had to be 'good now', but inside of me I knew it was all wrong, they weren't sorry, they had done wrong and I was tired and shamed and empty, in a way that I cannot describe or explain, it did something horrible to my soul, because I had accepted it, accepted Taylor hugging me and all the things that were said. What they were doing there was incredibly manipulative and damaging.
If anyone has been in an evangelical cult, and escaped, they will know what I am saying about damage to the soul, and at the time and right up to now, it has been a wound, and so were the following events. 

After New Wine Channel Islands was over, I thought I had to change my life, I went to the Christian bookshop, such as it was, run by the churchwarden's friends who kept refusing my volunteer application because the churchwarden made me out to be his special needs charge who caused him so much stress, and I got the 'sorry prayer and bracelet'. 
I sent Lindy Taylor some flowers and an apology for being angry at the damaging way she was talking to the churchwarden about me about me.
Though I did also send some flowers to Juliet and Anne, just because they were my friends and I told all my friends I loved them. I tried to be a new person but I was exhausted inside and buzzing from this New Wine Stuff that had messed up my head, I cannot remember what else was fed into us at New Wine but I think there was a lot more than I have written and it affected me badly and I am pleased to write it down at last, share it, get it out of my soul where it has wounded me for years.

I couldn't be this 'new person' who was 'healed' by words and laying on of hands and all the stimulation at New Wine and it was not good for me.

The interesting thing was, the Taylors didn't apologize or do anything for their part when I apologized to them, but as years have passed I understand that anyone in an established position in the church of england never believe themselves to be wrong and never takes responsibility.

Anyway, it got worse, because the churchwarden didn't believe they had done any wrong or needed to take responsibility either, the churchwarden didn't admit to his wrongdoing when I went to see them and apologized for my side of things.
I had been unhappy and unwell with depression in my last months with them and also, I felt bad about speaking up about the churchwarden abusing me, I felt ashamed even though I knew he had done wrong.

I went to their house and his wife didn't want me there but the churchwarden started hugging me and said he would 'sort his wife out'.

I got down on my knees and said I was sorry about saying it was abuse, because at the time I still loved them and was very sad about it all, I knew the churchwarden had done things he shouldn't, but I was trying to excuse him, I got down on my knees and said sorry and his wife asked why I had said it and why I had implied he had raped me, but I had said he had pinned me down, which he had, a number of times, and I didn't say rape because he hadn't.
I told her it was true had said things he shouldn't but she was very upset and I didn't tell her any details.

But it was only me apologizing, not them, not the Taylors, I was emotionally messed up by New Wine Channel Islands and things never got better, not between me and the churchwarden couple and Taylors and not for me emotionally, the whole thing was very damaging to me emotionally and mentally, it is a psychological wound and I feel better for sharing it at last. 
The thing is, the whole mind games new wine thing did not ring true, and my going belly-up to it and apologizing and 'forgiving' the churchwarden couple and Taylors was not reciprocated and nor did the churchwarden take responsibility for what he had done or his wife forgive me.

Life was miserable after that, Lindy was saying how they were 'praying for me' oh yes, pray me to be who you want me to be and pray me to be 'normal' or like the  churchwarden, say my autism is an illness and pray it is healed.
Their prayers didn't work because the churchwarden continued to touch me when he saw me and continued to hurt me emotionally over 'what his wife thought of me' and how he was 'meeting with Mike Taylor to discuss whether he could 'still work with me'. etc

And I reported him after he touched me when I went bewildered to try and resolve things.

I was by then on anti-depressant sedative mix and life was hell.

It astonishes me that Bruce Willing arrogantly talks about how it is 'not in the church's gift to help me', firstly I would never want help from an Anglican church again, they have never helped me without extracting a large chunk of flesh (metaphorically) and not one helper has not invalidated what they did to help by making me responsible for any wrongdoing on their part. I suffered 13 years of damage in the Diocese of Winchester, and they are profoundly lacking in accountability and not geared up to disabled, disadvantaged and isolated people because they are more a club for the well-to-do and people secure in families than the disabled, isolated or vulnerable.
And in Jersey, the church with all the problems I have described above, need to resolve their attitude to disabled and disadvantaged people before they make judgments and they need to stop using the church as a stage to meet their own needs and return to the basics of Christianity, which are forgotten in all their games.

I do not believe that signs and wonders with the absence of basic Christianity is the right balance in a church or what God wants.

this is the initial brief account of safeguarding concerns in the Jersey Deanery.