Wednesday 11 October 2023

That time again

When Gandalf the Grey faced the Troll, he didn't perish, but Became.

He shall strike her heel, but she shall crush his head.

In memory of HG.

A life may be lost but the legacy is not, and the legacy is miraculous.

Saturday 7 April 2018

False Economies, False PR

The Church of England spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on Luther-Pendragon, the PR firm that they used to destroy me publicly, and have recently used to prepare and release Justin Welby's most recent (and all other) Abuse PR Stunts to mislead the press and media, general public and IICSA, as well as the new Bishop of London's massive empty childcare PR stunt. The Church of England have all that money to  waste on PR at the expense of victims and the vulnerable, but they have no money for the vulnerable to receive support and counselling.
And not a single person or body will step in and act upon this.

Monday 2 April 2018

The Emperor's New Clothes - Traditional

I have no rights to this story nor is it my work.

Many years ago there was an Emperor so exceedingly fond of new clothes that he spent all his money on being well dressed. He cared nothing about reviewing his soldiers, going to the theatre, or going for a ride in his carriage, except to show off his new clothes. He had a coat for every hour of the day, and instead of saying, as one might, about any other ruler, "The King's in council," here they always said. "The Emperor's in his dressing room."

In the great city where he lived, life was always gay. Every day many strangers came to town, and among them one day came two swindlers. They let it be known they were weavers, and they said they could weave the most magnificent fabrics imaginable. Not only were their colors and patterns uncommonly fine, but clothes made of this cloth had a wonderful way of becoming invisible to anyone who was unfit for his office, or who was unusually stupid.

"Those would be just the clothes for me," thought the Emperor. "If I wore them I would be able to discover which men in my empire are unfit for their posts. And I could tell the wise men from the fools. Yes, I certainly must get some of the stuff woven for me right away." He paid the two swindlers a large sum of money to start work at once.

They set up two looms and pretended to weave, though there was nothing on the looms. All the finest silk and the purest old thread which they demanded went into their traveling bags, while they worked the empty looms far into the night.

"I'd like to know how those weavers are getting on with the cloth," the Emperor thought, but he felt slightly uncomfortable when he remembered that those who were unfit for their position would not be able to see the fabric. It couldn't have been that he doubted himself, yet he thought he'd rather send someone else to see how things were going. The whole town knew about the cloth's peculiar power, and all were impatient to find out how stupid their neighbors were.

"I'll send my honest old minister to the weavers," the Emperor decided. "He'll be the best one to tell me how the material looks, for he's a sensible man and no one does his duty better."

So the honest old minister went to the room where the two swindlers sat working away at their empty looms.
"Heaven help me," he thought as his eyes flew wide open, "I can't see anything at all". But he did not say so.
Both the swindlers begged him to be so kind as to come near to approve the excellent pattern, the beautiful colors. They pointed to the empty looms, and the poor old minister stared as hard as he dared. He couldn't see anything, because there was nothing to see. "Heaven have mercy," he thought. "Can it be that I'm a fool? I'd have never guessed it, and not a soul must know. Am I unfit to be the minister? It would never do to let on that I can't see the cloth."

"Don't hesitate to tell us what you think of it," said one of the weavers.
"Oh, it's beautiful -it's enchanting." The old minister peered through his spectacles. "Such a pattern, what colors!" I'll be sure to tell the Emperor how delighted I am with it."
"We're pleased to hear that," the swindlers said. They proceeded to name all the colors and to explain the intricate pattern. The old minister paid the closest attention, so that he could tell it all to the Emperor. And so he did.

The swindlers at once asked for more money, more silk and gold thread, to get on with the weaving. But it all went into their pockets. Not a thread went into the looms, though they worked at their weaving as hard as ever.

The Emperor presently sent another trustworthy official to see how the work progressed and how soon it would be ready. The same thing happened to him that had happened to the minister. He looked and he looked, but as there was nothing to see in the looms he couldn't see anything.
"Isn't it a beautiful piece of goods?" the swindlers asked him, as they displayed and described their imaginary pattern.

"I know I'm not stupid," the man thought, "so it must be that I'm unworthy of my good office. That's strange. I mustn't let anyone find it out, though." So he praised the material he did not see. He declared he was delighted with the beautiful colors and the exquisite pattern. To the Emperor he said, "It held me spellbound."
All the town was talking of this splendid cloth, and the Emperor wanted to see it for himself while it was still in the looms. Attended by a band of chosen men, among whom were his two old trusted officials-the ones who had been to the weavers-he set out to see the two swindlers. He found them weaving with might and main, but without a thread in their looms.

"Magnificent," said the two officials already duped. "Just look, Your Majesty, what colors! What a design!" They pointed to the empty looms, each supposing that the others could see the stuff.
"What's this?" thought the Emperor. "I can't see anything. This is terrible!
Am I a fool? Am I unfit to be the Emperor? What a thing to happen to me of all people! - Oh! It's very pretty," he said. "It has my highest approval." And he nodded approbation at the empty loom. Nothing could make him say that he couldn't see anything.

His whole retinue stared and stared. One saw no more than another, but they all joined the Emperor in exclaiming, "Oh! It's very pretty," and they advised him to wear clothes made of this wonderful cloth especially for the great procession he was soon to lead. "Magnificent! Excellent! Unsurpassed!" were bandied from mouth to mouth, and everyone did his best to seem well pleased. The Emperor gave each of the swindlers a cross to wear in his buttonhole, and the title of "Sir Weaver."

Before the procession the swindlers sat up all night and burned more than six candles, to show how busy they were finishing the Emperor's new clothes. They pretended to take the cloth off the loom. They made cuts in the air with huge scissors. And at last they said, "Now the Emperor's new clothes are ready for him."
Then the Emperor himself came with his noblest noblemen, and the swindlers each raised an arm as if they were holding something. They said, "These are the trousers, here's the coat, and this is the mantle," naming each garment. "All of them are as light as a spider web. One would almost think he had nothing on, but that's what makes them so fine."

"Exactly," all the noblemen agreed, though they could see nothing, for there was nothing to see.
"If Your Imperial Majesty will condescend to take your clothes off," said the swindlers, "we will help you on with your new ones here in front of the long mirror."

The Emperor undressed, and the swindlers pretended to put his new clothes on him, one garment after another. They took him around the waist and seemed to be fastening something - that was his train-as the Emperor turned round and round before the looking glass.

"How well Your Majesty's new clothes look. Aren't they becoming!" He heard on all sides, "That pattern, so perfect! Those colors, so suitable! It is a magnificent outfit."
Then the minister of public processions announced: "Your Majesty's canopy is waiting outside."

"Well, I'm supposed to be ready," the Emperor said, and turned again for one last look in the mirror. "It is a remarkable fit, isn't it?" He seemed to regard his costume with the greatest interest.
The noblemen who were to carry his train stooped low and reached for the floor as if they were picking up his mantle. Then they pretended to lift and hold it high. They didn't dare admit they had nothing to hold.
So off went the Emperor in procession under his splendid canopy. Everyone in the streets and the windows said, "Oh, how fine are the Emperor's new clothes! Don't they fit him to perfection? And see his long train!" Nobody would confess that he couldn't see anything, for that would prove him either unfit for his position, or a fool. No costume the Emperor had worn before was ever such a complete success.
"But he hasn't got anything on," a little child said.

"Did you ever hear such innocent prattle?" said its father. And one person whispered to another what the child had said, "He hasn't anything on. A child says he hasn't anything on."
"But he hasn't got anything on!" the whole town cried out at last.
The Emperor shivered, for he suspected they were right. But he thought, "This procession has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his noblemen held high the train that wasn't there at all.

Wednesday 28 March 2018

A Pastoral Letter to Justin Welby

This first link is from another victim, then the main post is my letter

To Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury regarding his continued use of abuse in the press and media.

 CC IICSA, SCIE, Bishops, Police, Victims Commissioner, the BBC and others. 26/03/2018

Dear Justin Welby,

First and foremost, you need to read all of this letter because it contains an initial warning of legal action against you, and your powerful and Godless lawyers won't be able to stop or prevent this as you are evidenced in the press and media to be knowingly breaking the law, causing harm and danger to the vulnerable, and aiding and upholding others in doing the same. Some say your PR stunts to do with abuse occur when you are contacted about my case and others and reminded of your criminal negligence and cover-ups.

Enough is enough. Enough was enough years ago when you publicly destroyed a vulnerable adult with the help of the unquestioning and complicit press and media in order to cover up the church's wrongdoings at the expense of the victim's life. To put out a pastoral letter that appears to jeer at victims giving evidence to the IICSA, after the IICSA have been asked to stop you from using abuse as a PR campaign during their inquiry, is the ultimate contempt, and again reinforces the image that you feel that the IICSA will protect you and your church as well as your callous disregard for victims' feelings. From the IICSA's part, they are allowing the image that you are going to go on being an unregulated and abusive organization, as they don't appear to have effectively restrained you.

Let me just scenario that. Imagine that you are a victim. You are struggling with life because you have been raped or buggered by clergy and laity in the church, and as a result you cannot have faith in God. You are going through a tough time as you finally hope to see justice through giving evidence to the IICSA. And you then see the organization who have not only abused you but treated you appallingly when you have asked them for justice, using the press and media for limelight over their 'prayers' for you. You will be disgusted.

As every victim knows, prayers from their abusers and the organization which abused them, doesn't un-abuse them, doesn't un-rape or un-bugger them, doesn't in fact make any difference, as I can assure you myself. Do you know what your prayers look like to an abuse victim? They look like you and your church live in another world, where you have no understanding whatsoever of the impact of your continued psychopathic lack of understanding of abuse and safeguarding.

You and yours 'prayed' for me publicly as you acted in great evil to destroy and nearly kill me. Believe me your prayers are an abomination, and if God exists, He will spit on you before sending you to hell, all you have achieved is cutting me off from God and leaving me suffering living death and unremitting anguish, day and night, so tell me, does God not hear your prayers? Or are your prayers just a worthless show from a bunch of dangerous over-powerful hypocrites? As I am sure you know, some church victims endured clergy saying prayers before or after they raped them.

What about my prayers for justice and for your silencing and removal, and for the same for those named below? Does God hear me? Does He hear me as I go on and on asking for you to be silent and be removed, and for the church to be held to account for their evil in my case? While I suffer and you and those involved aren't held to account, I see prayers as useless and your use of prayers that was as re-abuse.

As a victim, seeing this continued and relentless showing off at victims' expense while continuing to refuse to act upon abuse and wrongdoing you will feel that not only are the church confident of influencing the IICSA in making sure the church are seen in a good light over their abuse, but that they are jeering. Jeering that no matter how much the church are asked to stop using abuse as a PR stunt, no matter how much the church are told that while they don't safeguard and while they treat victims badly, they shouldn't be boasting, they intend to ignore the pleas of victims and requests to the IICSA for the boasting to stop, the Church of England intend to go on being callous and cruel and jeering and using abuse and victims to boast and glorify themselves.

Certainly the IICSA's behaviour in my case, in enabling the church to leave me homeless with the help of the police in the horrific Amberstone attack which left me homeless to this day, taking my new identity and community and ruining me, does cast doubts on the IICSA's investigation of church abuse. The IICSA didn't show neutrality or impartiality in subjecting me to that additional damage after your attempt on my life by destroying me publicly.

Your behaviour is so crass and callous, especially as I and other victims have asked you repeatedly to stop behaving like this, to stop using abuse to glorify yourself and show your contempt for victims.
I am the victim who you personally left for dead and left suffering unremitting and unbearable anguish. And each time you and Peter Hancock use abuse as a boast or a PR stunt as you do, you destroy me again, and you leave me unable to earn my hand-to-mouth living, so you leave me without food. You and Peter Hancock uphold the wrongdoers in my case, and thus you should both have resigned by now, neither of you are in a position to use safeguarding or abuse as a boast. Neither of you have the courage to contact me about my complaints, so safeguarding or even human decency are two things you don't understand.

Most people would have committed suicide over your and Bishop Tim Dakin's shocking and disgraceful launch of my case into the press with my side unrecorded and unheard, and three years use of my case in the press to destroy and discredit me while glorifying the church and making the matter to be about safeguarding while ignoring me and my anguish and the damage I suffered as a result of the public hate you triggered, the beatings and rapes I suffered as a result of you making me into a figure of public hatred are unhealable.

Three years of clergy and laity openly behaving like animals and certainly not Christians, to destroy a vulnerable adult publicly without any relief or mercy. Three years in which many many members of the church behaved in ways that would leave them without jobs if they were working for any decent organization. The Church of England is neither decent nor Christian, and is running on falsehoods and abusing power that it shouldn't have. The Church of England has proven what a danger it is to the public and the vulnerable while it is unregulated and above the law. And your massive use of abuse as PR while nothing has improved in safeguarding and you have been part of a massive safeguarding failure that nearly killed and has left destroyed, a vulnerable adult who was abused by serial abusers in your church.
If it was about safeguarding, why did you launch the matter into the press so that I was attacked and threatened and still am being, and am living as a fugitive? If it was about safeguarding, why did I have to take Bishop Tim Dakin to court to stop him from killing me with attacks on my character, and if it was about safeguarding, why is Tim Dakin still in his position after I took him to court?

If it was about safeguarding, why did you allow four whitewash reports by conflicted individuals and bodies to continue and be used to destroy me? Why did you fail to answer any of my concerns at any time, and only meet with the power and criminally behaved dignitaries involved in the public destruction of me? Why are you still insulting abuse victims after behaving like this? You still do not have effective safeguarding, and you still treat victims appallingly, I can only assume from your continued psychopathic and callous behaviour in using victims for PR, that you are mentally ill and in need of retiring from your position to seek help before you do any more harm.

You and your safeguarding team, or so called, and Bishops and staff, have behaved appallingly, and some of them should not still be in their positions. You have received numerous complaints and will continue to do so, as you continue to ignore the complaints.

Take the time to act upon the complaints made rather than showing how you can abuse the press and media on silly, badly produced articles and 'pastoral letters' created to glorify you and your dangerous corporation. And get some advice on what a pastoral letter is, a pastoral letter isn't supposed to be a PR stunt or a way of misleading people, do you remember Tim Dakin using his pastoral letter to lie about my case and mislead clergy at my expense?

Why is Tim Dakin still in office? He was happy to kill me to cover up his wrongdoing, he is the evidence that you don't, won't and can't safeguard and have no regard for the lives or welfare of victims. You and he have never responded to my concerns and you allowed conflicted hate attacks on me and called them reports, and have not recorded or investigated my case, so how can you either safeguard or care about abuse victims? You took the side of, and publicly upheld the wrongdoers in my case, without meeting me or communicating with me.

Remember, nothing has been done about the million pound Jersey and Winchester whitewash that was used to cover up for the church and destroy me, and there has been no recording of what has happened to me, what I have experienced, and thus nothing has been done about the wrongdoing of those involved.

Do you recall you and Peter Hancock publicly upholding the Key wrongdoers in my case, and telling the world through the press and media that those people were to work for you in evangelical positions, that needs to be investigated, and until it has been, indeed until the whole adult lifetime of the church abusing me, especially your three year public discrediting of me and criminal actions and conflicted whitewash of my case has been investigated, you are in no position to go on and on callously and psychopathically boasting, not that victims will ever want to be shocked by your lies about caring and safeguarding. But save the boasting until your personally led million pound public attempt on the life of a vulnerable adult, leaving her living dead and without justice, a voice or any closure, has been investigated by an independent (look it up!) review.

Make sure the following people are investigated independently over my case, and this is an exhaustive list: Yourself, Peter Hancock, Paul Butler, John Sentamu, Daphne Green, the Diocese of York, Paul Butler and the Diocese of Durham, the Jersey and Guernsey, Winchester, Andover and Romsey Deaneries, Tim Dakin, Jackie Rowlands, John Gladwin, Christine Daly, Trevor Willmott, Sheila Rooke, Elaine Rose, Graham Tilby, Jane Dodds, Moira Murray, Caroline Venables.

In addition, you are responsible for making sure the criminal and dangerous behaviour of the press and media, States of Jersey, Jersey Safeguarding Partnership, Jersey's judiciary, and police, and all complicit authorities and all that failed to act, are investigated. The whole matter is your responsibility, and for two years since you and Tim Dakin attempted on my life, you have ignored my letters and emails, put the phone down on me, and instructed your clergy, laity, safeguarding team and anyone connected to the church, to do the same. Make sure the Church Times spreading of hatred and lies about me is made particularly prominent in the investigation.

Remember, this is an exhaustive list, and this is going to be a big investigation, but you had a million pounds in spare change to throw away on having me publicly destroyed and killed, you had a million pounds to allow a lot of conflicted people to break the law, illegally access records, publicly destroy a vulnerable adult, and act in criminal and harmful ways, you had a million pounds to leave me living as a terrified fugitive with no access to medical help or the protection, support or justice that the police, social services, justice and other agencies should offer, because you and your church destroyed and defamed me. So you must have the ten  million or so to investigate my case in its entirety, including your own massive criminal abuse of power and cowardice in failing to answer me and my requests for justice. Make sure the investigation is begun as soon as possible, make sure someone who knows what independent means contacts me about who the investigators are to be, and make sure that this time, my side of things is given priority as the million pound whitewash covers the lies and hatred of the wrongdoers and conflicted authorities already but doesn't include me.

Now, as I said at the beginning, as you appear to intend to go on re-abusing me and other victims with impunity and ignoring requests for you to stop, and as the police continue to be complicit and refuse to act upon the criminal behaviour of you and your clergy and laity, I will tell you as I told Tim Dakin and he ignored it at great cost to himself, if the police won't stop you or bring you to justice, I will take you to court. Remember how Tim Dakin was so embarrassed to be taken to court that when you and he publicly destroyed me in 2016, he failed to tell the general public about that through the press, and instead tried to claim that he was feeding the illegal criminal whitewash Steel report into the whitewash Gladwin report, without either meeting with me or giving me a copy of the Steel report.

It is absolutely unthinkable that in this day and age you have, or think you have, got away with the million pound whitewash and left me living as a destroyed fugitive, and your arrogance and psychopathy not only in thinking that this will be covered up, but to go on boasting about abuse and glorifying yourself, is appalling, unthinkable, only a Godless and unregulated organization like the church could do that, and you remember when you used George Carey as a PR stunt in asking him to step down when you exactly the same to me in my case as he did to the Peter Ball victims?

All I can say is, one more boast from you and I will file, and you may control the press and media to the extent that you were able to publicly destroy me unquestioned, but you will go down in history for your criminal behaviour in my case. And remember, Tim Dakin thought I was bluffing until he ended up in court with a lawyer who lied desperately and then dropped dead. What a terrible shameful position you and Tim Dakin and your colleagues are in, to be using the Lord's Name in vain while you don't know Him and are invalidating any person you give communion to, and marriage you preside over, any service you preside over, because you were willing to KILL a vulnerable adult and lie about it, for the sake of the church's image.

Every day that I suffer, you and your church and faith are invalid and God, if He exists, will be furious. Stop boasting and hiding, your victim and the injustice is not going away through your blocking her and her calls, letters and emails, your victim isn't going away while your safeguarding team invalidate themselves by doing the same.

 Sincerely, the destroyed and dying victim of the million pound Jersey and Winchester Whitewash and demonstration that the Church of England are a dangerous, nasty and needless burden on society.

Friday 23 March 2018

Justin Welby is 'Sorry' about abuse...

No, he really isn't, he is making a loud noise and a show and making the victim who he publicly destroyed, suffer beyond bearing.

This is the last Post.

Adult Chronology in Brief, following on from the childhood story.:

Let me just say something. I have never abused drugs or alcohol in this 37 years of hell. I have never deliberately done damage or harm. I have tried to be clean and live a good and honest life. I even repulsed self-harm because I don't like violence and hurt. And yet I have suffered a decade of police branding, harm, hounding and violence, which has left me as a homeless fugitive.

This is not my full story, it is the tip of the iceberg but you will struggle to believe it, especially as only the church's side of things is heard and believed. But it is why I need your help. I am going to die as a result of the harm done to me by the Church and their complicit authorities, and I want you to keep this information and make sure that there is an investigation.

·         1997. Left my family, elective mute and severe damaged, penalized by the college for being as I was,, because they didn't understand, bullied and sexually harassed at college by the mainly male student groups as it was agricultural college and I was a forestry and agriculture student. The college tried to support me but were not geared up to someone as damaged as I was, they were orientated to fit strong young men who were training as farm workers and foresters.

·       1998. fell and hurt my right ankle, permanent injury. College counsellor 1 was involved in my life and making my story up for me.

·         1999. College counsellor 2, the vicar was involved and taking me home to her abusive husband. College didn't know what was wrong with me and got the doctor to see me, insinuating that I was mentally ill, my first contact with the NHS. He traumatized me by asking if I was hearing voices, which I wasn't. And started the adult lifetime of NHS hurts and failures. Not once did the doctor or NHS look at my background or the emotional abuse still ocurring, now from the vicar and her husband as well as my parents.

·         2000 I was forced to leave college as the staff had no idea what was wrong with me and thought I was deliberately playing up and being a troublemaker. I was still being traumatized by my parents, who would phone and tell me of approaching Armageddon and how we were going to die violently. After a childhood of 17 years of this strong and unrelenting mind control, I was still affected by it and was terrified. The vicar had me placed on an unsuitable local arable farm, her church dignitary friends, it was men only on the farm and an elective mute female was both out of place and at risk, it was a humiliating slave-like experience and I developed breathing problems from being sent into grain trailers and stores without adequate protection. I needed work experience but this awful placement, controlled by the vicar, was unsuitable, harmful and unmanageable. I was forced to take part in beating, which is driving game birds into the guns of the church dignitary and his high-paying friends. 

·         2001. I was homeless after leaving college. The vicar-counsellor who had taken over my life, wanted to take me home, but her violent husband wouldn't allow it. The vicar influenced social services and the council to what she wanted, until her husband changed his mind and she took me home, and her husband sexually abused me. The vicar's own abuse of me was emotional, she breached confidences with the benefice of church congregations, giving a demeaning opinion of me and telling them I was 'acting out' and not autistic or a survivor.

·         2002. Within months I left the vicar's home, when her parents, who also lived there, spotted the abuse and blamed me. The Vicar's husband's daughter, who unfortunately looked just like me, had also suffered his violence and allegedly his sexual abuse of her, and ended up as a long term psychiatric patient, and the vicar's parents were keen to avoid scandal. I voluntarily left when they blamed me. I had been frightened to leave before as the vicar ran my life and I was vulnerable and confused, and terrified of having to go back to my birth family. The NHS had put me on fluoxetine or similar, which left me in a drugged dream, I wasn't in a fit state to fend for myself, and was an easy target for abuse.

       I moved to the local sheltered house, the vicar arranged it all, but was surprised that her friend who used to run it was on long term sick, a resident had committed suicide and hadn't been found for days, and an agency support worker was running the place. The agency support worker was hormonal and had a temper, which terrified me, she should never have taken her temper out on residents but she did. She was there part time, daytimes, and the other residents were severely disturbed and would fight at night, terrifying me, there was no night carer. Basically support was token and fees were sky hight, I didn't benefit at all.  The vicar's husband was able to come to the supported house and try to re-start the sexual abuse, this time I told him to go home, as I felt safer in my own accommodation than I had in his house, and I reported him to the vicar. The vicar's first reaction was to tell me that his daughter had said the same, she confronted him, there were rows, and then it went to denial and I was told I wouldn't be believed if I spoke up about it.

·         The support worker treated female residents as friends, and took me and another resident out trawling for men, very blatant. Although I was vulnerable, I knew this was wrong, and told her I was gay. They left me behind after that. I left the sheltered home within months, with them chasing me for money because they had failed to do the housing benefit calculations correctly. A damaging experience and no benefit to me.

·         2003. In my first bedsit, paying £50 per week in rent and earning about £400 per month in supported employment. The vicar was still trying to run my life and would contact my employers, employment officers, my local churches, anyone she liked, to make sure they understood her view of me and presumably so that her husband's abuse of me was disregarded, not that I ever told anyone about it. She caused major employment issues for me, where my social and communication skills were already a strain on my employment.

·         2003/4. I returned to agricultural college to do evening classes, I had a tree felling accident and a motorbike accident and the NHS left me injured. The motorbike was thankfully a small 100cc one that friends helped me to buy so that I could get to work and college as I was really struggling with buses and public transport. I was also struggling with work because of the vicar's interference and because the supervisor was breaking up with her long-term girlfriend and took it out on me and the more disabled team members, I stood up to her when her bullying caused my epileptic friend to have constant fits. And in the end all I could do was quit. The employment officer was new and inexperienced and tried to create a role for me on another supported employment team. He overstepped boundaries and was untruthful, telling me I would be a mentor. I was not to be a mentor but to be on a very low level unskilled team, a long way below my work capabilities. I was the only female and suffered severe sexual harassment, assaults and cruelty from the men on the team. 
      The manager of the team was a brute, who thought that my colleague who had Aspergers could be cured by being routinely yelled at and called names. When my complaint about harassment and assault came to his ears, he decided to yell at me too, he and the vicar had been chatting. I was left off sick from work for months. I didn't return to the team. Instead the vicar got me to work for her niece who ran a gardening business, and one of the schools that she was governor of, as a cleaner. I was under the vicar's rules then and that mattered to her. During all this, the NHS continued to fail to support me, fail to monitor the awful anti-depressants that made me so ill, and fail to record my background and get me help.

·         2005 I was working for a big estate now, 16 hours a week in return for a cottage, I still did my other work and evening classes. The estate owners were landed gentry, demanding and imperious, and naturally they were local church dignitaries, the vicar interfered with impunity, leaving me at odds with my employers. The handyman for the estate was an abusive alcoholic, who would proudly tell of how he drove the last gardener out, and the neighbours were also alcoholic and very noisy. I was tense and got sick a lot. The latest wave of awful anti-depressants added to this. I caught the handyman drinking on duty and driving with drinking and expressed my concern and he attacked me. I attempted suicide and I quit the job. I was treated shockingly by the local NHS surgery, with a doctor shouting at me and calling me an idiot for my suicidal situation, and also a conflicted and inappropriate consultation from a doctor who was also a member of my and the vicar's church and who knew me well from church and the vicar's opinion of me.

·        Unfortunately almost immediately I took another job very similar, different village and different landed gentry, but the same unhappy circumstances. I was very severely depressed at this time. I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, social phobia and depression by the Maudsley and left to sink or swim with the useless local NHS input.

·         One of our church youth leaders had fallen down dead, and now the other was arrested for sexual abuse of special needs children in his care and was also suspected of routinely abusing children in Romania on his trips to the orphanage there. Having worked closely with him in youth group and mission support, I was profoundly shocked. But the church and vicar wanted it silenced and the man to be dissociated with the church in the press and media, especially that he had been our youth leader. The church made a great effort at silence, and I was a thorn in their side as I needed to talk about it. The vicar condemned me as 'being judged the same as the youth leader by God because of my 'condition'. I have never, and will never, recover from that damnation. Especially as later, the church publicly and in the press and media, damned me as 'unforgiving' for bringing the matter up, this was during the recent three year press and media hate attack against me led by the church for me being abused and speaking up.

·         2006. Still in the tied cottage job and struggling badly, the church people who forced the NHS to assess me for autism had stupidly told the Maudsley that I might benefit from one of the drugs one of them was on. I was thus put on that drug, and started having blackouts, tachycardia, low blood pressure and dizziness. I was noticably ill and the lady I worked for, who was mentally ill and hysterical herself, didn't know how to react, and treated me badly. I left that job and was facing homelessness. Two church members, one of whom was seriously mentally ill and was finding occupation in involving herself in my life deeply, as well as in the lives of numerous elderly people, took me in. They were extreme evangelicals and would use signs, wonders, laying on of hands, speaking in tongues and the extreme things I lived through in my childhood. It felt like being back home, and I was lonely and lost, I needed it. I didn't know what a flashback was, so when they brought some great healer round and forced the laying on of hands so that I would be instantly 'healed' from autism and the damage I had suffered. I didn't know what happened. I went into flashbacks. They were very concerned, took me to the local surgery, and had me put on one of the most dangerous anti-depressants - prothiaden.

·        They went away to their family in Jersey, their family were cult evangelicals of the kind that Jersey specializes in. If this couple were extreme, the things that went on in Jersey were dangerous. But it meant I was alone with their house, it is nice that all my adult life until this very day, I am trusted with property. I had also stayed in their friends' home and house-sat while they were away. Their family in Jersey kept interfering and misadvising them on me and my life, having never met me. Humiliating me. But while they were away in Jersey I was accepted back to agricultural college. I was too ill to work so I applied to finish the course I quit when I was 19. The evening classes had been in horticulture, while the course was in agriculture. I prepared to leave and go to college, which made the mentally ill lady very upset, and she demanded that I returned to them every weekend, a journey of at least 30 miles. I was reliant on them, as I used to rely on church people. So I agreed, but the stress of the journey, especially on my neck, made me vomit, so I would arrive for the weekend and throw up as soon as I got there. As far as I know, the church tried to use this against me, but at the time I didn't know the extent of my spinal problems and wasn't able to explain myself. 

·        The prothiaden had serious affects, I was taken ill at an agricultural show, my heart wasn't beating properly. The NHS treated me badly over this and didn't follow up, so I stopped the prothiaden myself. I was being emotionally ripped apart by the evangelical couple the damage too severe, traumatic and far-reaching to describe here. so I tried to get them to leave me alone after they came to see me for a day and really hurt me. They didn't go away, and as a result, the police found me sitting in a lay-by, feeling very despairing and low, the police response, although I had done nothing wrong, was to brutalize me, fling me in a cell until 2am, and then leave me abandoned at 2am, having branded me for life on police and NHS records when I had not committed a crime nor had they charged me or explained why I merited a violent brutalization. The bruises they inflicted were huge and my landlady was horrified. I will never recover. I was out of my mind and could barely cope with college from then on. My life was hell.

·       2007 At some point, either because of the heart scares, police beating, or just that I kept going back to the GP and begging for help, I was branded with a 'personality disorder' and left branded but unknowing, thus help couldn't be sought and my trauma and what I had been through would be discredited by the NHS for the rest of my life, they never looked at what had happened to me or what I was going through. . But I didn't know. I was in very severe financial trouble as a friend of the evangelicals from church had taken over my finances, all my paperwork and contacts and was supposed to be managing them. unfortunately he did absolutely nothing, and left me destitute, he was supposed to mediate with the DWP for me to get incapacity benefit and he left me starving and with no money for rent or transport instead, and then his wife decided that because I contacted him every week asking what on earth was going on, that I was in love with him (perish the thought!), she had a history of extreme jealousy, and told him to get rid of me. He had an embarassing arrangement with the evangelicals to get rid of me, and I was treated as if I had done something wrong, and I hadn't. This added to the terrible downhill of my life. My landlady heard about that and told me how badly the church had treated her, in some ways similar, and she urged me to leave the church, but I was entrenched, vulnerable and reliant on the church. 

·        At the end of my course, I cancelled the vicar and her friend coming to my presentation, and I left to go and work in Jersey on a job I had been offered. I tried to block communication from the evangelicals but because their family were in Jersey, they were determined to be involved, they wanted my post sent to their daughter at the church, they wanted me to 'go and see the family' at church. Their family were very spoilt and discontented and self-centred and very boastful, they practiced dangerous cult things in church such as getting the children to lay hands on grown men and form arches over them with their hands, getting people to drop their sticks and walk, which led to a stroke victim falling and hurting himself, and unfortunately much worse. I didn't want to see their family or them again but it happened. And their family tried to force me to be healed, and blamed me for the harm to me. But it was to get much much worse, and I write this as I suffer beyond healing.

·       2007-2008. I didn't know that the churchwarden was a serial abuser who had repeatedly been let off molesting women because of his powerful connections which included his brother, I didn't know his brother was accused of rape but was too powerful to be tried and had a lawyer even in his family, as if his position and status weren't enough. I didn't know that the churchwarden was under a 'chaperoning policy' in church for his serial molesting of women and his sacking from his position in his previous church for his wrongdoing. What I knew was that when he spotted me on my first day in church, he came and sat with me. I was naive, I was used to church people. He groomed me expertly. He made his wife accept me, she hated me and called me a burden, and I can never recover from that. He took me home, emotionally abused me and his wife and regressed me to childhood, claiming he was healing me from my past, and he sexually abused me until I left him and his wife. He had isolated me from the church and taken me home and they had let him, knowing what he was, they had even supported him in his 'healing' of me.

·         2009. In 2009, concerns from my counsellor in Jersey, and the autism service and social services, led to me being taken to the police over the abuse. When this happened, the whole church community shunned me and treated me appallingly, the cult evangelicals whose evangelical parents had emotionally abused me, had me shunned, trapped in a church room and shouted at, and basically destroyed and outcast. unfortunately medical help was not a possibility as the two local surgeries that I had been involved with were both run by prominent church leader doctors who were involved and who had the power to harm me further, later another doctor and surgery also involved, added to this. And possibly another. I had to temporarily leave Jersey because the damage to me became so bad.

·         A horrifying situation had arisen in Jersey that the Dean was friends with the abuser and his family, and as I was an 'outsider' it was easy for the Dean and Deanery to outcast me and uphold the serial abuser who was a powerful and wealthy man in the church.  The police were swamped with the children's home case that was making international headlines, and my case had to wait. In the meantime, the the diocese of Winchester, who oversaw the Jersey Deanery and every church I had been to in Hampshire, waded in and prioritized preventing my case being part of the scandal, by protecting the deanery and abusers, crushing me severely, blaming me for the abuse both in Hampshire and Jersey and connecting the Jersey Deanery to the Vicar and her husband who had abused me in Hampshire, connecting it all up as me being a serial troublemaker, making sure that is what the press reported, and leaving me utterly destroyed. I hadn't recovered from being regressed to childhood and now I was shunned and rejected as I went through the police process.

·         The police did video interviews and upheld my story so far. Then they said there was insufficient evidence and let the abuser go, he did a Cliff Richard, claimed to have been cleared when he hadn't been. I was destroyed, outcast. But worse. The police decided I was going to kill myself, so they brutalized me and flung me on a cell floor, releasing me without charge in the early hours. I really couldn't recover. I never have. I died there and this is an empty shell writing this, long since dead. Unfortunately once they had done that, a decade of these beatings and imprisonments started, and I am utterly destroyed, and believe me, that is only part of it. Although Jersey doesn't have NHS, their medical services are limited, hence they fly people to the UK, as they did with Bob when he collapsed defending my life in 2015 as the NHS condemned me.

·         The church were condemning and shunning me and since leaving my family, church was the only family I had known, so I was destroyed, shamed, outcast. Jersey is a small place, and police, medical outlets, government and judiciary are massively conflicted by church members and dignitaries, and I had a shocking time with the church doctors and medical services, and police, obviously the details won't fit here, but it was the government and judiciary prominent dual roles that destroyed me.

·         My dad, my birth father, the strong proud patriach, collapsed with a stroke, an undignified fall for a man who was seemingly up there with God and immortal. He had a second stroke and died. The diocese of Winchester were actively harming and threatening me into silence and didn't let up when my dad went into a coma. My dad was pronounced brain dead, and the life support was switched off. I sat with him after his life support were switched off. My siblings went to get drunk, yes really, and all of them who were there out of the 15 of us. They left me alone with my unconscious dad. I was asking dad to forgive me for being away and having made the church my family and got into so much trouble because of the church, when dad's friend, my sister's ex-boyfriend, George, came in. He was close to dad, but I didn't know he was a peadophile and a pervert. He tried to get me to go and stay in his camper van in the hospital car park with him for the night. I wouldn't. My dad died and my family started fighting at the funeral and didn't stop. I was always the easy target, especially as I had spoken up about my brother sexually abusing me and they destroyed me over again. I never reconciled with them, they made me out to be a fake abuse victim and many unkind things, after they ruined the funeral with fighting and continued to fight. George was found looking at violent porn on dad's computer in between his death and funeral. He was later arrested for kidnap of a child and having huge amounts of child pornography. He had been a close family friend for many years and had been abusing my younger siblings.
·         I spent Christmas in MayTree Sanctuary for the suicidal in London, I would have killed myself otherwise. My abusers remained prominent in the church while I was banished from both island and mainland church communities.

·         2010. I fought the church to act and to do justice, their safeguarding official absolutely destroyed me and upheld the abusers and the wrongdoing dean. They set the police on me many times and no explanation was ever given, but I was left homeless several times, was struggling to work at all and my life was deteriorating dangerously, remember, the doctors were conflicted and no source of help, I reacted badly to anti-depressants, I had been regressed, abused, left regressed, on top of the original childhood, and was now being treated shockingly by the police and local community, as well as being shunned by old friends on the mainland.

·         The Vicar, the original one, initially said that the churchwarden admitted some of his wrongdoing, the police said the same. But then the vicar and her position were in danger because of her husband abusing me, so she branded me in liaison with the Jersey Deanery, I was outcast from all my communities and friends, as my life and friends had been in the church. The abusers, high profile men, well connected and dignitaries, freemasons, one a magistrate, were never going to be dealt with, and were free to destroy me with the help of their powerful connections. The Dean said I was wicked and was never abused, and tried to add the evangelicals and their harm to me in as my fault. I was and am, condemned for all of it, and trying to live condemned is killing me. But believe me, that isn't the worst of it.

·         The church, having liaised closely with police and community and interfered in support from the autism service and social services, which I was voluntarily receiving and cut those off from me, and got an untruthful cover-up into the press and media, had me arrested, brutalized, flung in prison, my home, possessions, job, friends and life now utterly gone as a result. The conflicted police doctor and others I knew were conflicted, took part in the jeering and brutality. I was flung into court with vomit in my hair after 24 hours in cells, told I was in the wrong, never mind my side of things. I was then further brutalized, hancuffed and flung in a cage in a van, and put in prison. I wasn't given my glasses, and I couldn't see, which wasn't a bad thing as I suffer severe claustrophobia and can't breathe in enclosed spaces.

·         The church had to make a pretence of care and kept interfering in the prison, giving the staff their version of events, forcing their chaplains on me, unbelievable but true. I specifically said that conflicted church of england chaplains were not to come and see me, that a methodist or Catholic chaplain only was to visit, the church's influence meant that what I said was overridden and the diocese of winchester forced their chaplain on me as well as forcing 'mental health' workers on me, they wanted to justify having me put away by making me out to be mad and wanted to pretend for the inevitable reports, that they had 'cared' all of this has severely harmed me.

·         I was flung into court, to be recorded and branded in the local press, to the delight of my abusers, the church dean and deanery, I was lied about by the dean and his wife, claiming that the time they called me wicked and said I hadn't been abused, that I had been shouting and swearing, which I hadn't, but in court I had no voice. I had to listen to these lies that no report would ever cover. The police tried to force me to have a criminal record by bringing up a car accident that I had caused because of the severe stress and distress, this is another unhealable trauma and I suffer flashbacks but the accident was an accident and not a police conviction and it was done so obviously.

·         And this was after the police had ensured I had lost my home and job so that the judge would have to put me in prison. During my time in Jersey the police were violent to me, cruel, dishonest, and callous, and as yet this has not been dealt with. Although as you will hear, this was to be far from the extent of their callous wrongdoing. The police and church liaison were successful in getting me effectively removed from the island of Jersey which had become my home, community and way of life, I loved and still love Jersey, and there has been no healing or resolution over this, I remain dispossessed. I was literally dumped on a plane, the police stole the cash in my room and brought me some clothes I had put aside for the charity shop, which were useless.

They had arrested me in my pyjamas and I had spent the two weeks in prison without a bra. I was relieved that a barely working bra was in the clothes they brought from my house, but apart from the rag bag that they brought out, my possessions were all left behind for good. I lost everything I owned, even my certificates. Everything, photos, memories, keepsakes, an heirloom cross that was a gift from my dying friend. I lost everything, not just my clean record, life, work, home. Everything. But it was to get worse.

·         The church had been hoping to keep me locked up in prison or a psychiatric ward, to discredit me and cover up for them. Unfortunately for them, the psychological report said I wasn't mad, and, my friends from Hampshire who had family in Jersey, not the evangelicals, some other friends, were staying in Jersey and were horrified to hear I was in prison, and became involved, writing me a reference and saying they would put me up in Hampshire. And so I was released to return to Hampshire.

·         I am sure you can imagine what the reaction of the Bishop and Diocese of Winchester was to me returning to their and my home town of Winchester with the tale I had to tell, and worse, the Bishop was patron of the homeless services and he and his wife had horrendous power and influence in Winchester and Hampshire, while their safeguarding official who had driven me mad with her bullying and threats and upholding of the wrongdoers, had the ability to interfere in social services and the police and all support areas as she had done in Jersey. I was slandered and vilified, driven from every homeless service, church, support service, and the slander was repeated back to me, as if I wasn't already destroyed utterly. The church had to destroy me again to get their side of things heard over mine, and they had to pretend to 'care' and make me out to be nuts despite the reports, and that has damaged me for life. But worse that they wiped out my whole community of friends and life in Winchester. My friend was dying, she was a church official, and the Bishop and his wife had more influence over her views than me, she died estranged from me, and the rest of my friends remained estranged forever. The church strategically shifted clergy involved in the harm to me to ensure that they were in my old communities so that I would always be outcast and never return or be heard by my old friends and associates.

·         As soon as I arrived back in Winchester from Jersey, destitute and destroyed, the interference of the church again became obvious. The Bishop's wife accidentally phoned me while trying to phone my friend to slander me to her. Unfortunately she was later successful in that and breaking that friendship, but at the time, despite the police's horrific treatment of me, I was desperate so I went to North Walls police station and begged them to stop the harm to me. I had begged the police in Jersey the same to no avail. The police looked me up and came up with the incident of them beating me and flinging me in a cell in 2007 and started to treat me as if I was mad and bad, again, claiming falsely, you know how the police do, that I had come in claiming to be suicidal because the Bishop's wife was intervening in my life. I was terrified, and expected a beating. But I stood my ground. It was horrifying that the police had not only beaten and locked me up in 2007 but had it on record to jeer it at me and discredit me with it, as if it made what I was telling them untrue or made me deserve more harm.

·         The Bishop's phone number was on my phone from the call. I told the police what had happened, and they said they would speak to the Bishop and get back to me, they never did, they turned me out while telling me that I might not feel good for a year or two but things would mend with time. Unfortunately as the harm continued, things didn't mend. The police didn't stop the harm but allowed and enabled the church to meet with them and the homeless services and social services for a one-and-all branding of me which has followed me to this day and makes my life not worth living. To make it worse, the awful sheltered house staff of the house I was in briefly in the early 2000s were present for this vilification of me. The harm has been limitless.

The police allowed the church to go on harming me and violating me, I still have huge amounts of evidence which aren't on police record or in any report, but the 3 year million pound whitewash doesn't contain my views.

·         In November 2010, after a particularly vile verbal attack on me by clergy, which tried to use my bad early experiences of the agricultural college against me, indicating that the Bishop and safeguarding officer and vicar whose husband abused me were doing the same. I fled to the city of Bath, and begged the police for help and protection, but due to the fact that Hampshire Constabulary were supporting the church in harming me and this would be referred back to them, I couldn't proceed. Instead I wrote a circular letter to the churches in Winchester about what had happened to me, rather than what the church were telling them with the backing of the police. Unfortunately nothing changed, and the Bishop, his wife, and their safeguarding official continued to interfere, even the doctor was a churchgoer, and nowhere was safe, I had been driven out of the homeless services and away from my friends and was sleeping rough by now.
·         The Bishop and his wife and the safeguarding official had a friend, she tricked me into staying in her home, because I didn't know, and she didn't tell me that she was friends with them and acting for them, and then she attacked me for the Bishop, his wife and their safeguarding official, trapping me in her home and screaming accusations on their behalf and making me out to be mad. It was Christmas, it was snowing, I was stronger than her, got past her, fled without shoes on my feet, into the snow, late on Christmas eve. Absolutely destroyed, shaking and broken. The Bishop and his people had gone on and on interfering and provoking me since I had returned to Winchester, they had prevented me from being housed, vilified me indelibly on record, and it was after the incident in Bath that I finally contacted them again and begged and begged them to stop. This was later lied about in court. That Christmas eve I contacted them and begged and begged them to stop. In court they failed to say why I contacted them and instead made me out to be harassing them randomly. The horrific dishonesty of this and everything else they said in court nearly killed me, I will never really recover as I am branded for life. On Christmas day, starving, destroyed and freezing, completely alone and destroyed,  I sheltered in a church and drank Holy Water out of the font as I was so thirsty.
·         After Christmas the safeguarding official turned up at the homeless services that I no longer used, getting the Bishop's version of events re-iterated, with the excuse of leaving the presents and possessions I had left at her friend's house there, she then tried to use my homeless friend as a messenger boy to jeer this at me, destroying my safe friendship with him forever.
·         2011. My estranged friend died in January of this year. The Bishop and safeguarding tried to stop me from going to the funeral so that my dignitary abuser could attend, even though the deceased despised him and they weren't friends. The callous safeguarding officer told me that instead I should go and sit in an empty church with my friend's ashes the night before her funeral. I will never recover from that, a decade of friendship destroyed by hatred and deceit and such cruelty, and she wanted me to sit alone with the ashes so that my abuser could attend the funeral in peace. I sat in the graveyard, away from my old friends and community as they and my abuser attended the funeral. Then immediately after, the Bishop and safeguarding officer made another sustained attempt to have me put away.
·         The police officer aggressively cornered me on Jewry Street, denied the evidenced fact that the Bishop and his people were provoking me. He repeatedly and needlessly flung me to the ground, smashing my laptop and possessions. He falsely accused me of trying to bite him, it didn't happen, he used violence when I wasn't violence, and his repeat flinging me to the ground because he could, may be why my spine is broken. I was screaming in terror as he cornered and brutalized me. He relayed that over the radio and on shopwatch so that the homeless services and all shops in Winchester heard it, driving me further from my community.
·         A load of police vehicles arrived, all my fellow homeless were watching from the pub over the road. The police flung me in a cage again, and at North Walls Police Station, I was having a complete breakdown and although they tried to excuse their actions as me being mad, instead of allowing me to calm down, they dragged me along the ground by the scruff of the neck, pulling my jumper up so my chest was exposed and I was choking, if you struggle to believe this, this is how the police treat the voiceless vulnerable, and most of them will never tell you their story nor live to tell it, no-one survives police brutality and branding, I knew of several suicides as a result of treatment like this.
·         The police kept me in a cell as they jeered at me and called me mad, stayed in the doorway terrifying me as I lay there completely and utterly destroyed and terrified, I was completely powerless, trapped, jeered, and the fact that I had been responding to the illegal behaviour of the church was irrelevant as the police loudly discussed which unit they could get me put away in for the church.  24 hours terrified, unable to move from the floor or eat. I am there in my nightmares, the nightmares that merge with the Jersey nightmares, the rape on the streets nightmares, I will scream in nightmares until I die. The police were forced to act, and had to let me phone. I phoned my old counsellor, Lizzie, and she told them to get a female officer and someone who used sign language or an appropriate adult, the police jeered that they weren't changing their ways for me. Even though they were obliged. All the police actions and detentions so far had been without an appropriate adult and I never understood what they said, in Jersey they once pretended to have an appropriate adult, a member of social services, who did not come into the interview, and when asked for an appropriate adult, they too, jeered.
·         Anyway, back to February 14th, 2011. The police were forced to release me as social services and the mental health said I wasn't nuts. The police forced me to rush through signing for my possessions. My driving licence was missing and my computer smashed. The police jeered and refused to restrain the Bishop and his safeguarding official, jeering that 'they had done no wrong' and that I was to 'leave them alone'.
·         I knew that I would go on being harmed, shunned and shamed, and would be brutalized and imprisoned if I went on fighting back or asking for justice. I left Winchester. Homeless, dispossesed and destitute. Every day was the day I would commit suicide. I had nothing whatsoever left. Those first days after the police beating, I couldn't even get up. The friends who remained had been making me breakfast and a packed lunch each day, and got very worried as I couldn't get up and get to them. I was badly bruised by the police violence, and my friend made me take my top off as she took photos of the massive bruises. The photos were left in the safekeeping of a charity for the vulnerable in the justice system, a charity called voice, which went into receivership.
·         The Bishop retired and turned up at the place I had sought refuge, the place where I used to work for the vicar's niece. I went on asking the Bishop and his wife and the rogue safeguarding official for justice. They again had me beaten by police and flung in court with my side being made irrelevant, it was another effort to make me out to be mad. I was silent as lies, including the ones about Christmas, were read out in the court, and efforts were made to make me out to be mad. I was flung back onto the streets, destroyed and having no real understanding of any of it, I have not, throughout the time the police have harmed me, understood why they can, how they can, and how they could allow me to be harmed and punish me for it on behalf of the wrongdoers. This last straw was going to take my life, and I dragged myself, destroyed, through the days. But I seemed to be rid of the church now that I had fled the area altogether.

·         2012, Unfortunately I wasn't rid of the church. They had already branded me with the multi-agency, police, NHS, social services so that wherever I went I would be vilified, driven from churches, homeless services, and any form of help, my side was irrelevant, and I was treated horrifyingly, especially by the NHS and their breaches of the data protection act with other services. Each day and week was to be the one before suicide. I was utterly destroyed. But worse was to come. In the meantime the IPCC tried to contact me about the Winchester beating and imprisonment. I was on the run, as I am now since the Amberstone attack, I was so severely traumatized that engaging with the IPCC was out of the question, they eventually dropped the matter, which I felt was deeply unfair but I was in no position whatsoever to deal with demands or declare my location, I was terrified of further police harm, which is why the attack on me by a convicted rapist at this point had to unfortunately go unrecorded. After all, imagine you are me and you are raped and beaten after the church and police have told you that your life is of no worth and that you are an evil criminal with no rights? Would you report it?

·         2013. In 2013 I had stayed alive and sought neutral private help. But the church launched my case into the national, international and local press and media and online, with a whitewash conflicted report that covered their backs and vilified me. The report was proudly presented to the police forces who had destroyed me for and with the police, without my consent or confirmation to it's accuracy. The report was carried out by a conflicted church counsellor, and was done to cover up the harm to me and vilify me with one side of my distressed reaction to abuse and church treatment. The report alienated me from my new friends and community before I knew what was happening. The church hadn't bothered to tell me about the report or get my views on it.

·         The report sparked fury by the high and conflicted church members of judiciary, government, police and other agencies who had worked so hard to have me arrested, imprisoned and deported and left homeless and destroyed. They were outraged at the matter being raised, and they destroyed me publicly, openly and with great strength, day in and day out, using their dual roles and conflicted powers, which included access to police and prison records and raising these private records in public. The church did nothing either to name the conflicts of interests and punish or silence the wrongdoers, the dignitaries who had launched the whitewash refused to withdraw it, and instead, instigated two more whitewashes, an openly conflicted judge, chosen by the defendants.

·         I was being attacked in the press and media, traced by rogue journalists, attacked, beaten, assaulted and threatened by strangers. The church refused to withdraw the conflicted reports, and instead sent the police after me again. I made a complaint, the police backed off but did not resolve the complaint, and again they refused to stop the church from harming me, and instead made me out to be mad again. Inexcusable, even if I was mad, the police using an illness as an excuse to allow the ill person to be abused and harassed, is inexcusable. The police blocked my emails, this is evidenced still, and awaiting the overarching inquiry. I was utterly destroyed. Driven from my community where with help, we were building me up to being housed.

·         Further efforts against me were made by the church by using another vulnerable adult for attempted entrapment. Incredibly, her name was Julie Wallman, a Jersey abuse victim, while the entrapment attempt in Winchester in 2010 was by a Julie Wills. The new entrapment attempt by the church had also duped Bob Hill, the former police officer trying to stop the harm to me, and this damaged my relationship with him as well as leaving me terrified and on the run again.

·         Worse still, my estranged family had seen all this press and media and it consolidated their condemnation of me. And worse even still, the 2009/10 press and media reports and court case in Jersey was traceable by anyone who read the church conflicted whitewash  report that was flung into the press and media, my name, date of birth and full details were on there. I was easy to find and beat and rape, as you can imagine, as well as people openly using my name in slander, contact with me, etc.

·         2014. The civil war in the church at my expense continued and I suffered and suffered and suffered, no relief. The Bishop ignored warnings and evidence that he was allowing a conflicted report to be used to destroy me completely. He would have killed me by handing the report over to the defendants to destroy me publicly, if I hadn't taken him to court as a litigant in person against his powerful lawyer. I was ill, had no food, holes in my shoes, and worse, when the judge refused to protect my new identity and address from the church, I knew I was going to be killed. I couldn't get to the court and the judge refused to postpone the case, callous and making it clear he wasn't impartial. However, the weight of evidence meant he couldn't drop the case. The Bishop was forced to agree to get my agreement on the contents of the report, and to give me 40 days notice before releasing anything. He did neither, indeed he learned nothing from the case and allowed the clergy and laity to go on publicly destroying me, writing open and blatant lies as well as sharing and publishing confidential documents that they used their dual roles to procure. He never gave me access to this report that was supposedly about my case but had excluded my story.

·         2015. The same hatred and press and media lies continued unchecked, I was worn down. The NHS were failing me appallingly and wouldn't provide help even when I turned up in tears and begged them. I was struggling to work, get food or study, I had taken on a degree when I housed myself in 2014, I hoped it would occupy me. In November 2015, as my friend who was my carer, was told she was dying and had only months to live,  Bob Hill, the former police officer defending my life against the church hatred, collapsed defending my life as a particularly vicious hate attack on me by the church and press and media ripped through the papers and media and destroyed me again. The attack was because the openly conflicted government-judiciary-church dignitaries hadn't been told by the Bishop that there were restrictions on his release of the report, he failed to ever tell them that he had been taken to court. Bob Hill had a severe brain heammorage after fending off open and vicious hate attacks against me. I collapsed too, but not with a brain haemmorage. I had nowhere to turn at all. The NHS with their records marred by the church and police's version of my life, and with their lifetime failures described in other documents. Destroyed me when I went to them, forced me out of the surgery and out of the  NHS system altogethr, vilifying me and leaving me with high blood pressure and completely without help. I remain without help.

·         2016. With Bob out of the way, the church arranged their final attack. The press and media war was bad for the church's image, and throughout my case, their image has been priority. The church publicly discredited me and apologized to the wrongdoers, and claimed that the conflicted report, which was under a court order, had been witheld at my request - ie they were saying I was guilty and the other parties were innocent, they failed to say that the report was under a court order and I had done that as the conflicted judge had made her intentions clear to me and Bob and she was a member of the circle of dignitaries involved with the wrongdoers and abusers, and they had engineered the report.
       The Bishop claimed to the press that he was feeding the report into another one. He continued to fail to say that the report didn't contain my side of things, was conflicted and evidenced to be so, and was under a court order. Weeks after the public destruction of me, the hatred went on, I nearly died. Ever since then, the church have refused to respond to me and have acted as if the matter is closed. They and the police and dignitaries had arranged a conflicted safeguarding partnership whitewash in the form of a serious case review. After the dignitaries failed to get their main whitewash, they threatened and trolled me to force me to agree to the release of the safeguarding partnership whitewash, nearly killing me. They had to have my permission. I didn't give it and their criminal actions in trying to force me are still in my inbox, evidence. They openly said that the highest ranking church-government dignitary was making the demand.

·         Hampshire Constabulary in the form of Operation Amberstone, seiged my home with a pretence that the church were worried about me, they used that opportunity to remove my new identity, which was legally changed and they involved my landlord and neighbours in this, letting them know who I am and who I was, they humiliated, violated and insulted me and treated me appallingly and left me fleeing that home to become long term homeless again. One slum after another, destroyed, traumatized and living in terror.

·         2017. I was so ill, as the church continued their cruelty in again upholding the wrongdoers in my case and in the press and media, claiming to give them positions where they could access the vulnerable. It was a terrible year in the slums, violence and cruelty and illegal tenancies, and no recovery or relief from the harm. In October 2017, the police launched two more attacks on me for the church, no charges and trying to pretend that the church weren't involved, which they couldn't do. These new police invasions nearly killed me both times, it is touch and go with suicides after police harm to me. I don't ever recover, and they brand me on record. But look at what I have written. For a decade the police have spent their time coming after me for the abusers but never wondered what would happen to their precious time and resources if they simply restrained the church and held them to account instead of using that time to terrorize me and leave me longing for death? Professional Standards are refusing to act. At this time I also suffered further attacks and assaults by strangers as a result of the church's three year public smear and discrediting campaign.

·         2018. I was homeless again as a result of all this, but here I am under another temporary roof, finally able to tell you this bizarre and horrifying story so that help instead of more harm can be offered, please. I suffer day and night without relief. There has been no restraint of the church, they are still hurting me. There has been no justice. The damage is done. And still Justin Welby and Peter Hancock use the press and media to make abuse into a boast, while ignoring the victim who asks them to stop and to bring justice to her case.

      Their victim will die, this has been too much for any human being to survive, but all she can say is 'Vulnerable people beware, the church doesn't genuinely care about you, they have an apartheide policy against you for insurance purposes and you will suffer for being a church member, get out while you can, before you are harmed, the church is a club for those more fortunate than us'.