Friday, 13 June 2014

St. Saviour, staying with the churchwarden, part 2

This is so painful that I don't want to write it at all, but I guess I have to. That time with the churchwarden and his wife was the most damaging time of my life since I was 12 years old. More damaging that George and Jill Lihou.
This song always reminded me of the churchwarden's wife, she used to work for Victoria college as a teacher, and when I knew her she still worked there part time, her husband and sons went to Victoria college, and she seemed to have an obsession with Victoria college pupils, a 'fixation' to quote the expression that Jersey police abuse constantly.
The churchwarden's wife talked all the time about Victoria college students and people who used to be students, and I remember her saying about how she belonged to a Union, that she said was very expensive but she needed to, in case a boy accused her of abuse. Which was very strange. A bit like the comment she made about the churchwarden's CRB check.

  • As I said in the previous statements, from the songs, and that row where the wife was shouting at the churchwarden, things were not ok from the start. Normally she went along with the ancient Christian traditions in Jersey and did as he wanted, but she was not a happy woman. And she was not a happy woman before I was there, but I didn't know that.
  • I am going to jump ahead here and correct the Korris report again before I forget. I didn't move out in spring 2008 because the relationship failed, which is what I think Korris wrote, I moved out because I found lodgings as agreed, I found a room through Jersey insight and I moved there, the churchwarden always went on about me coming back for supper every night when I moved out, but that was not what his wife or I wanted, and I needed space and wouldn't come back for Sunday lunch when I was put under pressure to, because, just as the Lihous did, the churchwarden and his wife decided, without consulting me, when I would come for dinner and did not take my own plans into account - isn't it stunning that safeguarding prefer to waste time villifying me and never deal with this church attitude to the vulnerable?!! This attitude that damaged me throughout my time in the church of England!
  • Ok, lets go through some scary stuff that I don't want to remember. OK, gonna tell you a bit of what it was like there, now working from some of the statements made to police and Diocese, and when these things were happening, I didn't really know they were wrong, Philip LeClaire told me, and Philip did a great thing in teaching me about boundaries in that way, because he has prevented me from being abused a number of times since because he told me what people like the churchwarden shouldn't do. Funny isn't it, a Catholic doing the church of england's work for them!

A statement written in 2008, one of many:

  • The churchwarden always sat on the sofa with me next to him when we sat in the lounge, The churchwarden’s wife always sat in a chair. I sometimes wondered if this was right, but this seemed to be the routine, this was how it was arranged, this is where I was sat. The churchwarden’s wife would go to her chair when she put the telly on, The churchwarden would beckon me to sit with him if he was there, or I would sit in the middle of the sofa and The churchwarden would sit next to me. Sometimes The churchwarden’s wife would sit on the end of the sofa, and  I would rest against her when The churchwarden wasn’t there,but we were never really at ease, we were making an effort to be ok, but when The churchwarden got back he would sit down and I would cuddle up  to daddy.
  • Once when The churchwarden’s wife was going mad about me for an unknown reason, I wrote her a letter and went through possible problems, I asked if it was causing a problem, me sitting with The churchwarden, and told her to say so or tip me off the sofa if she wanted to sit with The churchwarden, but there was no response to that, and it just seemed to be the way things were. She always put the telly on first and went to her chair though, so the rest of us went to the sofa.
  • The churchwarden’s wife used to just be cross and not talk about things.

  • The churchwarden would cuddle me when I sat with him, apart from the times that I wouldn’t let him, when he was really upsetting me, for example, when he spoke to the Vicar's wife about me. The churchwarden’s wife quite surprisingly tried to push me to hug The churchwarden that time, I was distressed for a long time over that.

  • The churchwarden didn’t misbehave while The churchwarden’s wife was in the room, but if she went out of the room, he could be naughty, The churchwarden’s hands would slide down my back to my bottom and sometimes he slapped my bottom but only gently, and he put his hands up the back of my teeshirt and stroke my back, which could be a bit worrying, he said he preferred me to wear a teeshirt when he was cuddling me, rather than a jumper, and he preferred me not to be wrapped up in my blanket that I liked to be wrapped in when I was on the sofa. He said so.

  • I never touched The churchwarden sexually or invited sexuality.

  • Sometimes when he held me close it seemed like he was aroused and he was quite shaky and breathing hard, one time he felt definitely aroused and I was a bit shocked, he held me very close and kissed my lips, he wanted to hold onto me, but I let go.
  • And he could get quite flustered and start breathing more heavily when I was sitting with him, I would move away from him, daddy is a man after all.
  • ‘Daddy is embarrased’, the first time he was holding me and that happened, in the early days of the friendship,  I said to him ‘you are blushing’, he said ‘yes, I probably am’,
  • I went outside in the garden, told him ‘have some time to calm down’.
  • He told me he didn’t normally hug 26 year old girls.
  • It haunts me that I should have realised this was all wrong and put a stop to it, but I believed in God and believed the churchwarden when he said God had sent me to them, I wanted so much to belong to a family! I acted in blind faith by allowing this to happen, which shows how dangerous the church can be. 13/06/2014

  • The churchwarden made a big thing of hating sexual immorality, but he was misbehaving with me.
  • Did I talk about sexuality?
  • The churchwarden’s wife: ‘There’s a very randy blackbird in the garden’.
  • Me: ‘mummies don’t know words like that’.
  • Just normal teasing, I don’t think I was being very naughty saying that.
  • The same when The churchwarden’s wife was laughing a lot about someone on television talking about someone  sucking someone off. ‘mummy you’re not meant to laugh, they are saying rude things’.
  • The churchwarden’s wife said her boys would have said ‘mother, what do you know’, but I don’t know what that means.
  • (The churchwarden and his wife used to watch the Jonathan Ross Show, which is quite perverse and lewd show, it surprised me that they watched it and found it funny, I was reminded of George and Jill calling my Buffy programmes evil, I am not prude but the Jonathan Ross show was a bit sick)13/06/2014
  • And when The churchwarden and The churchwarden’s wife were being naughty together in the kitchen while I was finishing my breakfast, I called them geriatric teenagers, The churchwarden’s wife changed that to ‘we’re Recycled teenagers’. I always looked the other way or put my hand to shield my eyes when they were touching and kissing and slapping each other because I was shy and unsure that I should be there, they were much more physical with each other than my other friends.
  • I didn’t think I was being too cheeky.

  • I think The churchwarden talking about sex had a bad effect on me, but if I was with JM or my other friends, we would be able to joke about things like what I said above, without it being serious or me being a bad girl.
  • And when The churchwarden asked about my sexuality, I told him I was normal and and able to deal with my sexuality, maybe I shouldn’t have told him anything. Reality being that I am not really mature enough to have a sexual relationship or even be interested in one 13/06/2014
  • One time when things were bad he said to me, ‘you’re not feeling yourself at the moment are you?’, then he said with a grin ‘you do feel yourself though don’t you?’
  • ‘Not at the moment I dont’. I told him. I was a bit revolted by that.
  • Fortunately, though The churchwarden was naughty, he didn’t rape me, or expose himself or commit a serious sexual assault or ask for a sexual favour, I guess he probably improved his sexual experiences  by being naughty with me though. And if the relationship had continued, he may well have got worse, which is terrible because he called himself my Daddy and made me into a little dependent child 13/06/2014

  • He did say something about cuddling me all night once, but he never would have because he had to be in his room with his wife all night.
  • When I asked The churchwarden’s wife about calling me a burden she said that she was just worried that I would have lost my independence by living with them, that never made sense to me, she said she thought I wouldn’t be able to look after myself any more, but I have always looked after myself, and that is nothing to do with being a burden.
  • Remember what I have written below was written in 2008, when I was in a terrible state from being regressed and abused 13/06/2014
  • The churchwarden’s wife and The churchwarden did spend a lot of time helping me, and I do feel incredibly bad that things have gone so wrong and I am making a complaint against them, I hate myself because of what they did to me, because of all my faults that The churchwarden’s wife pointed out and every bad thing she said about me and everything I got wrong and reacted badly to and everything The churchwarden did to me and that I couldn’t break away from them because I loved them and this complaint and all the anger I have shown to them in letters,emails, phonecalls etc etc, I am devastated by it all and I cant even call myself a Christian or a believer or even a worthwhile human being any more.
  • When The churchwarden phoned the people that I did work experience with without my permission and I was angry and embarrassed , I refused to let him tell me what they had said. The churchwarden’s wife chased me up the stairs shouting at me for it, I never heard what she said because I was screaming in terror and distress, I hid in my room and locked the door.
  • This was the farm work, I had forgotten about the churchwarden's wife chasing me and yelling. 13/06/2014

  • It was shortly after this that The churchwarden’s wife and The churchwarden were having a loud conversation late at night, The churchwarden’s wife was saying she wanted me gone, I was very upset, I went to their door and knocked on the door and I was so distressed. ‘Daddy, Daddy’. The churchwarden’s wife kept talking but I couldn’t hear her, The churchwarden came and sat with me and I told him I knew The churchwarden’s wife didn’t want me in her family because I wasn’t good enough, I knew she didn’t want me, but The churchwarden said I was ‘daughter’ and part of the family, I never really found my place in the family though, in the beginning The churchwarden proudly told people I was his adoptive daughter, and even The churchwarden’s wife said it a few times, but then The churchwarden’s wife put pressure for me not to be daughter, to be like a daughter, but she deliberately left the like a daughter out of things that she invited her daughter in law ‘like a daughter ‘to . I never recovered from being strategically got rid of, I went on hurting, and The churchwarden’s wife got angry with me for crying for being excluded, I was telling The churchwarden how I was hurting and what was the way forward, and The churchwarden’s wife was shouting why was I going over it all again, but they didn’t help me to understand and come to terms with being ‘got rid of’ I was really got rid of when I refused to accept guidlines from The churchwarden and I said that he’d misbehaved. But I went on struggling to save the friendship.
Now here are safeguarding issues that the church of england refuse to even look at but prefer to villify me, why exactly was I repeatedly taken over and abused and belittled by people who refused to be responsible for their actions and the consequences and resolving issuesand instead of having my concerns investigated, I was villified by the church?  Why does the church consider the repeated irresponsibility of it's officers to be just a case of me being mad and bad? When will the church understand what psychological damage looks like? 13/06/2014
  • The friendship ended on a day when The churchwarden’s wife had been making a fuss of me and I couldn’t respond because things weren’t ok and I couldn’t stop crying.
  • The churchwarden told me that The churchwarden’s wife didn’t like me, it wasn’t the first time he had said that, but he told me she was pretending to like me because she was a ‘good christian’, I wanted to go back to The churchwarden and The churchwarden’s wifes house and talk things through, I told him I was hurting unbearably because he had said that he was daddy and now he wasn’t daddy any more, he told me his wife didn’t like me. He walked away, this is how the whole relationship had been, I took all the responsibility and all the blame, I knew it was over then, The churchwarden had just done what he did all the time, saying devastating things and walking away.
  • I spent some weeks just hurting, then I decided I had to do something because of what The churchwarden had done, what The churchwarden and The churchwarden’s wife did between them to damage me emotionally has got very mixed up with what The churchwarden did sexually, and I am a bit confused now. Written in 2008, I was confused, being regressed and adopted but not adopted, and being abused and called a burden did so much harm.
  • And I feel terrible about everything, I feel like the worst person in the world for all of this.
  • I am hurting a lot, I don’t seem to recover at all, I wanted to belong, I dint want to be sexual, I didn’t want to be criminalised. I don’t want the churchwarden couple to keep phoning my friends and slandering me to them. They were in touch with Juliet before Bob Key had my permission to contact her. So was Bob Key. JM told me this. 13/06/2014

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