Showing posts with label letter to Jersey Deanery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label letter to Jersey Deanery. Show all posts

Monday, 16 February 2015

Open Letter to The Very Reverend Bob Key, the Dean of Jersey


Dear Very Reverend Key,

I am writing in response to your press release yesterday, demanding the release of the Steel report.

I know I am autistic and think simply, but has it ever occurred to you that the Bishop of Winchester is outside of the BBC Jersey broadcasting area and doesn't listen to BBC Jersey or watch it, and so he won't actually pick up on your radio message and respond to you? I wonder if you have considered contacting him directly to discuss safeguarding and reports?

His secretary's phone number is 01962 854050. I think unless you actually contact the Bishop, you kind of look a bit foolish demanding a report on a local radio station that is not heard by your intended recipients of your message. Your own Bishop, Bishop Willmott is also outside of the BBC Jersey broadcasting area, so you may also want to contact him about the situation. I will forward this letter to him for you.

You mention in your BBC press release that Dame Steel is a 'respected Jersey judge', respected by whom, may I ask? She failed a fair appeal in the Curtis Warren Trial and isn’t actually either known or respected for much else. Do you think she should be respected for writing an unbalanced report that omitted me and my views but gave you 8 hours of interview and interviewed witnesses who had never met me? For example Gavin Ashenden, who has repeatedly slandered me on BBC Jersey, and who claimed to Bob Hill that 'your case was watertight'?

Why is 'your case watertight' when you have done wrong and I haven’t at any point had a hearing or a voice, either in court or in these messed up safeguarding reports and investigations? Gavin Ashenden is a former lawyer, who has never met me, please can you explain why he was interviewed and passed on some of the defamation of me that you also used against me in Jersey, a one-sided view of my past, that does not tell my story? Can you explain how that is relevant to the report or how you or Gavin Ashenden, or the rest of your circle can behave like this and at the same time claim to represent Christ? Please refer back to my open letter to the Jersey Deanery, posted in November 2013, and at the same time, consider what happens to the vulnerable who are completely voiceless and cannot write as I do:

Open Letter to the Jersey Deanery in 2013, read by thousands internationally, and my first answer to a very horrible and Unchristian smear campaign against me by the Jersey Deanery: 


On the subject of Gavin Ashenden, his bad behaviour in Normandy is adding to my stress as members of  the Normandy Diocese have contacted me a couple of times over his behaviour, they describe him as very arrogant and trying to take over things there, assuming a position that he has not yet been given, now, I think it is your job to discipline him, he is one of your clergy and not in any way connected to me except that he has behaved extremely badly and in a severely unchristian manner to me, but I am further told that he has always had a bad attitude and makes a bad parish priest, and I am also aware of his stunts regarding trying to ‘drive demons’ out of mentally ill people, very much a safeguarding issue as described.

The Korris report showed some but not all of your own misconduct, and you supposedly 'apologized' but not to me, neither you, nor your deanery, nor the diocese of Winchester ever made me aware of this ‘apology’ nor passed it on. You refused to co-operate with the Korris report and instructed your clergy not to co-operate with it. So why are you so keen on the release of the Steel report, after the Korris report defamed you? (It defamed me too, and it's release was inexcusable).

Well the difference between the Korris report and the Steel report is that the Korris report was not independent but not conflicted in your favour as the Steel report is, the Korris report was carried out by a lay counsellor in the UK, who, although not qualified to carry out such a report, was not actually on anyone's side, she was simply commisioned to write a report, and the Jersey Deanery were unaware of this until Korris approached them, with a report which which she couldn't carry out efficiently because she only had the notes and opinions of people who needed to cover up for themselves to base her report upon, for example Jane Fisher, who heavily influenced the report as her notes were relied on.
 The Steel report was an expected follow on from the Korris report but with the Jersey Deanery and connected establishment figures such as Bailhache who slandered me in an ‘Open letter’ and Steel, his colleague in the judiciary, Steel ‘offering’ to do the report, was a hijack of what the Bishop of Winchester still appeared to think was a genuine safeguarding investigation.
Steel is a Jersey establishment judge, closely allied with your supporters in the conflicted circle of church members who are also in government and States positions, such as Philip Bailhache, Michael Birt, Bridget Shaw, Ian LeMarquand, and numerous others.

The circle named above were involved in the Steel report and in maligning me, for example Philip Bailhache was allowed to abuse his dual roles in the States and Church and his legal expertise, not to mention his connection with the churchwarden who abused me, to malign me openly in the press and through and open letter, and along with Ashenden and other church-judiciary-states-lawyer crossovers, allowed to make me out to be mentally ill and thus not credible, please refer again to my open letter to the Jersey Deanery.

I understand from your press release that you want this matter concluded, well so do I, I have suffered a solid two years of being defamed and maligned as a result of the actions of your Deanery and supporters, and the release of the Steel report would  not be an appropriate  conclusion at all for me, it would simply compound the injustice, leave me ruined again, and possibly homeless or dead. Please now read this independent blog on the subject that a Jersey blogger released today in response to your press release yesterday, this describes the situation very well:

There is evidence not only that Steel is and was conflicted, but also that she was derogatory about me, having never met me, in much the same way as Gavin Ashenden was. A subject that I will discuss further.  This is neither Christian behaviour nor appropriate behaviour for either a priest or a judge, and it lessens anyone’s respect for them.

Bob Hill has evidence both that Dame Steel is conflicted in her connection to your supporters, and he is also a first-hand witness of her being derogatory about me, having never met me. And while you have managed in the past, to make my trauma and distress into madness, you would not be able to do the same regarding Bob Hill, who is a former police officer and Jersey deputy. I will set out below a number of links to Bob's Statements about Dame Heather Steel being conflicted, maybe if you are as yet ignorant of the harm to me of a conflicted report that omits my side of things, you would like to read these and reconsider your desperate calls for this report to be published:







http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/jerseys-dean-unhappy-anniversary.html



I hope that, having read Bob Hill's blogs, you will understand that the release of such a report is nothing whatsoever to do with safeguarding, and that in calling for such a report to be released, and indeed, having influenced and played a part in compiling such a report, you are causing serious harm and distress to a vulnerable adult who you have already harmed immeasurably by your previous wrong and inappropriate actions and behaviours in Jersey.

You will see from Bob’s blogs that there is a conflict of interests that that means any report by Dame Heather Steel is not actually viable. As you will see in Bob Hill’s Blog about the Laity Advert, the Jersey Deanery Laity Named Dame Heather Steel as representing THEIR COMPLAINT against the Bishop of Winchester, and they used a large advert in the JEP. How could Dame Steel actually fairly represent both sides in a conflict? Basically she couldn’t, and she was put forward to lead the ‘investigation’ as a colleague of your circle of supporters in judiciary and the States, despite her conflict, and the Bishop of Winchester allowed her to proceed with this investigation despite her conflict and despite the fact that he was told that she was conflicted.

So, I have a feeling she is only a ‘respected judge’ in the eyes of those who have behaved as badly as her, or who have acted in an equally biased and unchristian and judgemental way as her, thus shafting Jersey to the rest of the world.

I feel that you as a Dean, now aware of the facts from this letter, need to call for an inquiry that includes me and my side, rather than maligning me. I am sure that a man of your Status and Standing with God, would see this as a good, fair, and just thing to do. Although I understand that you have been asked to go away on Sabbatical for three months so it is a bit short notice.
The Steel report does not represent what happened to me in Jersey, which is probably why it has not been released. But what I suggest is, if it is released. The best thing I can do is come to Jersey to live again, and hold a series of public meetings, telling my story and showing evidence, for example emails. And gradually, that way, two sides will be heard, especially as all journalists and bloggers will be invited to take notes.

While I was in Jersey, Jane Fisher used to try and silence me by accusing me of making threats when I said I would take the Deanery’s misconduct further, which made her a bully rather than making me someone who was making threats, as I was simply stating what I would do. As I am now.  Since the story of what happened to me in Jersey broke into the news, I have had numerous offers from Jersey people of a home and a living in Jersey, and if I continue to be troubled by your wish for the Steel report to be released, or the release of that defamatory whitewash itself, I will indeed come to live in Jersey and tell my story until everyone, whether they believe me or not, knows what I have had to suffer.

I travel light, people are on hand to take me in, I am not in work as I have been rendered unfit for work by this matter so I am ready to come over, shall we say February 26th? And I will start booking for my first talk, you are welcome to join me at the talks to give a counterpoint. I do have an incredible incredible amount of evidence waiting for an inquiry that would actually include me, so basically, it would be an ideal time for me to come to Jersey to share my story.  I have seen and am aware that Leah Goodman was banned from Jersey by the same group of people who support you, because she wanted to look into the child abuse and resulting cover-ups in Jersey,  and so I know the same ‘Jersey Way’ may well try to ban me again, and it will make headline news. But in the meantime my case is packed and I am looking forward to sailing on St. Aubin’s bay again.

I hear that you are going to America for your sabbatical, well it is a diverse and interesting continent no matter which part you are going to, so you won’t be bored.  There you can relax and reflect on the difference you have made to Jersey and to the division between rich and poor, able and disabled. I wish you well with your sabbatical.

I think the best way you can put the Steel report and the ugly and unchristian war between the Jersey Deanery and Diocese of Winchester to bed is to say in your mind that it is over, and move on, as I have had to do with the life I was forced to leave behind in Jersey and the injustice that took it from me, the psychological wounds to me remain and will do forever, but as a mature adult who accepts good advice, I have simply moved on from the injustice of the Jersey matter and gone on with my life, yes, the damage and injustice remain, but I do not dwell on it, I just live day to day, and when the matter comes up in the press, it causes flashbacks and distress that disrupt my life. So, in the same vein, maybe you should stop ‘picking at the scabs and making them bleed again’ – (a metaphorical advice once given to me by a Dean who defended my abuser, but this is a different situation, he was trying to make me drop a legitimate complaint of abuse).

The Steel report is not relevant to what happened and does not, cannot give a fair view, judging by Steel’s attitude and behaviour and the fact that she was allowed to continue when conflicted and did not include me in her report but tried without my consent, to access my records, which also did not include my view, and which she had no right to, and in the case of the police records, this was a blatantly illegal action.  Steel also tried to say to Bob Hill that there is nothing wrong with me and I am just a troublemaker. An interesting statement from someone who has never met me, and it also goes against your deanery and Gavin Ashenden discrediting me as mentally ill in the press and in the Church Times, as well as the diagnosis and psychological assessments that have been done.  As well as the fact that Steel is not qualified to assess or diagnose my conditions, it shows how unsuitable she was to carry out a report, as she, just as you and your colleagues who compiled the Steel report do not understand vulnerability or abuse, she doesn’t understand these things either.

So I think that rather than making a plea for the release of this report, through media that doesn’t even reach the Bishop of Winchester, in light of your understanding that the Steel report is conflicted and an unchristian act of judgement and defamation and cover up, you the Dean, need to call for a fair and open report, or you need to have the grace to let go, forgive the Diocese (hard as I know that is!) and go on with your life, look forward to your great holiday, your great adventure, your time with God, and at the same time, have the grace to stop inflicting needless harm on me, set yourself right before God before it is too late, because what you will face in death is pretty horrible if you don’t repent these terrible behaviours. I think it is worse for clergy who deliberately behave badly, when they finally face God, because clergy have chosen to be ordained, and thus should be acting for Christ, and when they neither act for Christ nor act with integrity, I should think God’s anger will be quite hot.

You harmed me enough in Jersey by trying to use my past to defame me and make me out to be wicked without hearing my side of things, and understandably, if your understanding of the effects of abuse and neglect on a person’s behaviour are that low, then Jersey’s Deanery does indeed have a safeguarding problem. Both judging me without my side and without wanting my side, and favouring my abusers, was wrong. And as you may see from the National Press, this vilification of victims who have been repeatedly abused, by officials who favour their powerful or well-connected abusers, is widespread. It is just a shame that the Church of England do not behave better than the UK government on matters like this, but in theory, the Church of England is part of the UK government, just as you are part of the Jersey government, where things obviously aren’t quite right when the Care Home situation there has gone on for years and been covered up and minimized, most notably by your colleague, Sir Philip Bailhache, who stood up for you at my expense, he gave a speech in 2008, that I was there to hear, at Liberation Day, and both you and my abuser were in attendance.

 Philip Bailhache stated that the damage to Jersey’s reputation was more important than the abuse victims.
Now isn’t it funny that Philip Bailhache has pushed for the release of the Steel report as well? Usually he wants things buried, if you get what I mean.

Back to your wrongdoing.  I am sure if you repent that, God will forgive you and you will be able to stop worrying about two years of dirty unchristian fighting and defaming me and bad unchristian behaviour. Put it to bed, let sleeping dogs lie, and all the other metaphors I learned from Bob Hill’s blog. The best way to put the dirty war to bed is to ask God for forgiveness and peace. I am telling you that as someone who knows from experience that it is the best way.

I have been left homeless, branded, destroyed, ill, injured, abused, destitute, without the support of friends and family that I had previous to you having me imprisoned,  but I am not bearing a grudge, I am trying to live, and I hope that you have the grace and Christianity to do the same. You need to count your blessings, you have a home, you have family,  you have cars, you have servants, you have a good wage, and you are about to have a lovely three months holiday. I don’t really think you should be worrying about the Steel report, unless it is playing on your conscience, which I would gather is why you are getting upset about it and wanting closure.  Pray for release from your angered thoughts, and pray that you can forgive and forget, that is what Jesus wants from you. You won’t get closure from the Steel report, because it’s release will not end anything but will start another very long series of actions.

You state in your press release that the ‘report will only be in the media a short while and then we can all move on’. That is a very puzzling and incongruent thing to say. You don’t speak for me because the defamation I have already suffered will last me a lifetime, I won’t survive much more, a short time of being defamed does not suddenly lead to closure, no, the damage done by the last lot will last me a lifetime. I am sure now that you have read this letter, you will be able to see two sides and fulfil your Christian duty in instigating an independent investigation or letting sleeping dogs lie.
Have a great holiday, and maybe we could meet up for a coffee in Jersey when you get back?
Sincerely,
HG






Monday, 10 February 2014

Anything and Everything

By 2010, I wasn't 'mentally ill' in the way the Deanery and Diocese have always wanted it to read, but I was in a state of severe collapse, and because of the combined way that the Diocese, Police and Islanders had treated me because of me reporting the churchwarden, I certainly trusted no-one, but that is not the serious mental illness that the diocese and deanery always broadcast me as having, that was a reaction to the seriousness of the situation, in every way, I was in poverty, I was being hurt, the injustice and the way I was treated in a small community was unbearable, especially as I was already severely damaged both from my horrific background and also from my experiences in the Diocese of Winchester previous to Jersey.

I was in a bad way, and I knew it, but help was scarce in Jersey, the psychology services had not yet installed their new specialist psychologist that I and others had campaigned for, effective counselling that I could afford was not available, (I had seen two Jersey counsellors and neither were effective), I was too damaged for counselling and cannot actually engage and bond with a counsellor or therapist unless they are specialist or can work with me through art.

Social services were not able to help, nor did I feel safe with them due to my childhood, and I am incensed that Jane Fisher was allowed in any way to violate my relationship with social services and have lies recorded in the Korris report, I saw social services voluntarily and I saw them originally due to reporting the churchwarden, saw them voluntarily on suggestion by the man at Autism Jersey. I saw them later as my life floundered in 2010 but was too wary due to my background and was not actually finding it helpful, thus it was my right to stop seeing them, and I am incensed by the violation and insinuations about this in the Korris report, firstly it was none of the Diocese's business, and any involvement by them is a violation of my human rights and harassment, and secondly the Korris report using it as evidence against me to validate Jane Fisher's illegal involvement and harassment of me is just shocking.

By the end of my time in Jersey I was waiting for my psychology appointment with the new specialist, I was under my doctor and was trying to take anti-depressants, which I am allergic to, all brands, because my system cannot process them.
(I am sensetive to many medicines and have to be very careful, and yet this is one of many things that was overlooked for years in the UK and Jersey until after so many let downs, I have pro-actively taken over my own care, because the NHS seem incapable of even following up on any concerns and thanks to the diocese, really do not understand me at all).

Anti-depressants affected both my life from when I left my family and also my time in Jersey, causing severe mood swings and physical illness and also deep depressions, and despite how I still have behavioural problems, I am profoundly more stable than I was with those dangerous chemicals in my system, as I needed some more specific and natural help. Anti-depressants may work for some people with the 'illness' depression, but my depression has specific causes, life circumstances, past and present, and hormones, the latter of which has been treated since Jersey and the other can only be worked through, and I take 5-HTP every day to try and help, but chemical anti-depressants were lethal for me and did not help, made it worse on some of them, especially the one Jill Lihou had me put on on the pretext that she would control and administer it as it was potentially harmful.

I am not one of these activists against anti-depressants, they apparently save lives, but they are harmful to me, and I was told by a rare 'good mental health worker', about the behind the scenes side of the tests done into anti-depressants, which did not really prove them safe.
That same mental health worker said I did not appear to be mentally ill, and said that my fears that led to me wanting another psychiatric assessment because of the Diocese (this was in 2012!) were unneccessary.

The computer is playing up, so I will stop there and start another post later.
















Friday, 31 January 2014

from 'Homeless' written on 09/01/2012 but originally written in the journal in 2011, the purpose of these writings were for me to try to understand and rebuild myself

Do I consider all this writing to be:
  • Self-indulgent?
  • naval gazing?
  • Selfish?
Yes. But that is not all it is. It is written in order to tell my side, explain me, and hopefully to help other people who are suffering to know that they are not alone.

I cannot comletely cure myself. I am one solitary autistic person, and autism literally means 'self-ism', trapped in one's own self, and despite that, clumsily, I try to reach out and help others, ever more tentatively.

Despite being condemned forever as the Bad Person by the church, I;

  • Help push cars that break down
  • return wallets and valuables that I find to the police or the owners
  • help people up when they fall
  • help carry heavy loads
  • avoid begging or asking for help
  • offer to help if someone is upset
  • and do anything I can to help despite not being able to be a volunteer any more.
These are problems that I associate with my mixture of trauma and Autistic Spectrum:

  • Touch sensitivity
  • Noise sensitivity
  • Heat sensitivity
  • disphasia
  • frustration, irritability and low mood
  • inability to cope with relationship problems
  • Incomprehension of situations and explanations
  • need for large amounts of solitude and freedom
  • need for 'adult' help
  • Anxiety
  • motor problems  (always makes me think I have a motor that doesn't work)
  • need for structure and routine
  • communication and speech problems
  • easily overloaded with stress
  • claustrophobia
  • eating problems
  • depression
  • flashbacks and inability to escape from bad things in the past
  • need for things to be correct
  • negativity
An exhaustive list?

Sunday, 19 January 2014

Here is extracts from a statement made for the police and Church and Autism Jersey, it has been edited to remove names and identities and also some comments have been added in brackets, this is one of many statements.

This is a very very small extract from my statements, there are hundreds of pages worth as this has been a very complicated case. There is much much more to this than I have collated here, but my resources are limited and no one has time to read the full statement, even though letting anyone see a limited amount gives the churchwardenan advantage. Bringing a complaint against the churchwardenhas added to the devastation that he and the churchwarden's wife did to my life,  but I think people need to know so that it doesn’t happen again.

the churchwarden‘adopted me’ though not legally, and he regressed me so I was like a child with him, he then launched a massive project emotional and sexual abuse against me, while being a ‘good father’ and blaming me for my reaction of pain, anger, confusion and depression.

What else happened:
Many times the churchwardensat me on his knees in his home office, he rested his head against me and told me about marriage and married people enjoying each others bodies, he told me that he had to make an effort to love his wife after all these years. He told me about the girls on **** ******* who he talked to about married people enjoying each others bodies, he told me about people at work who he talked to about sex, he told me about one girl who was ‘good’ because she didn’t sleep with her boyfriend till they were married and one girl who became a Christian and refused to sleep with her boyfriend until he married her the churchwarden said the girl said it was the longest 3 months of her life before her boyfriend married her.
the churchwarden said to me ‘you like us talking about these things when we are warm and close like this, don’t you?’
I liked being cuddled by Daddy and I wanted daddy to know that I wasn’t embarrassed by, or interested in, sex.

One time on Daddy’s knee:
Churchwarden: ‘Sex is better without the Duvet in the way, you can get much closer together without the duvet in the way’
Me: ‘you are just an old man’.
 I climbed off his knee.
the churchwarden was laughing like mad, so I walked away, I went to talk to the churchwarden's wife and tell her some other things, nothing to do with sex.
Later the churchwarden called me to him, ‘you didn’t tell ***** what I said about the duvet did you? She would be so embarrassed’.
‘No, I didn’t’

It  was around this time that the churchwarden asked me if I’d been raped, I was very ashamed and hid from him, the churchwarden came after me and persisted in asking, he hugged me and told me that it made him love me even more. He told me that he’d heard that women felt dirty and  ashamed when they’d been raped, he wanted to know if I’d had a child by the rapist.
It started a very turbulent time of flashbacks that made the churchwarden's wife angry again.
the churchwarden continued the questions and the physical affection.

He would tell me to lie down and would pin me against the sofa, how? With me lying down, he used the top half of his body only (good for him!) or it would have been serious, he hugged me against the sofa and made movements that could be described as sexual, one time he did this he kissed my neck, and most times he said ‘you like that, you love your daddy don’t you? He tended to do this when the his wife had gone upstairs because she tended to go upstairs first in the evening and have a bath then go to bed, he did this possibly five or six times, two of the times were when I had been away in England and came back, one time he was not quite pinning me but was half over me on the sofa with his arms either side of me when the churchwarden's wife walked in, he said to me ‘you are very daughterish’,  and removed himself,
‘heydaddy’.  (this was just an autistic thing I said, I do kind of have sayings and odd noises I make when I am with people I know, it’s a bit odd).
the churchwarden's wife didn’t say anything.

He also took to pulling me onto his lap in the front room when the his wife had gone upstairs, in the end I didn’t sit alone with the churchwarden in when the churchwarden's wife had gone upstairs, but the churchwarden would kiss me on the lips goodnight, and a few times he would keep holding me, and he’d be shaking.

At some point the churchwarden came with me to his son’s house where I was house sitting, as we had to find some paperwork, the churchwarden started hugging me when we got there, his hands slipped and he touched my breasts, he had done this before but I don’t recall when, I just remember that I had said no to this before, and I said to the churchwarden‘ I will hit you if you do that again’. the churchwarden let go of me and sat down, he stayed sitting and was praying as I looked for the paperwork, then I showed him some songs in my songs and poems scrapbook and we pretended nothing had happened.

But it was not the last time that he did that, there were more occasions and once I did slap him, one night at a later date, when the churchwarden's wife had gone to bed and the churchwarden and I were about to go to the post box to post letters,  his hands slipped and I hit him, ‘did I just hit you?’  ‘yes’ , ‘oh, sorry’.

It was probably the Beginning of November that I went to live with the churchwarden and the churchwarden's wife.
the churchwarden was enthusiastic, the churchwarden's wife was not too keen, she said it was only for a week or so while I found somewhere, ‘because grown up daughters shouldn’t be at home’.
the churchwarden said ‘oh she’ll get used to you being here, I want you to be here so we can get to know you better and help you’.

Every day the churchwarden would hold me and cuddle me, the churchwarden's wife allowed this. When the churchwarden's wife wasn’t around, the churchwarden would sit me on his knee and sometimes he would rest his head on my chest, I allowed this because he turned his head sideways and  just rested his cheek lightly and I just thought he was old fashioned innocent and eccentric.
I think it was in November/December that the churchwarden came to hug me, as he did frequently throughout the day, and as he hugged me he told me that the churchwarden's wife didn’t like us hugging so much.  I let go of him and said, ‘then don’t keep hugging me’ the churchwarden kicked up a fuss.

I found the churchwarden's wife and said ‘are you unhappy about me and **** hugging so much?’
the churchwarden's wife said ‘no I know both of you and trust you.’
I told the churchwarden this, and he said ‘**** is lying, she doesn’t want a fuss’.
A similar situation occurred later when the churchwarden told me his wife thought I would be a burden to her for the rest of her life, and I think quite a few of these situations occurred throughout the friendship, with two sides being told to me. Ouch. (that burden slur has haunted me ever since, I am not sure how anyone could see things like that as being healing).
He took to calling me to him when he was working in his home office, where he spends long hours doing church admin, he would hold me briefly and then say, ‘I must get on’, I said to him ‘lets not have these brief cuddles as I feel like I am in your way, lets leave cuddles until you aren’t doing paperwork’ He said ‘you really have a problem with me working’,
‘No I do not!’.

the churchwarden made me like a small child, he cuddled the child to him and called himself Daddy, but at the same time he talked about sexuality and got very close, I wanted to be a small child, re-do my childhood, and that was what the churchwarden seemed to be offering. (said he was).
the churchwarden kissed my lips on a number of occasions, and my neck, but he told me off for kissing his cheek when I hugged him and commented on my feelings for him because I kissed his cheek, just as I do kiss my friends cheeks (although not often),  ‘people will think you fancy me’, that made me angry and I lashed out (verbally), upsetting the churchwarden's wife. the churchwarden was playing games, I didn’t really realise it.
On several occasions I told the churchwarden that he wasn’t to hug me because he was playing games, ‘what will people think?’ - (this was a game where he would touch me or hug me and then say people might notice or people were talking about us).
‘Well ****, if I don’t allow you to touch me, they cant think anything’, a huge fuss was made (by him)
‘look how much this is upsetting  ****, you not allowing hugs’. (he would say I was upsetting his wife if I DIDN’T allow hugs, I couldn’t win).
Mummy’s got bruises:
the churchwarden seemed to need me to know that he was still sexually active at his age.
We were having breakfast one Sunday, the conversation was fascinating, I was being autistic and it was fish and butter for breakfast:
‘fish? Fish? Fish, butter, Daddy show me how to put butter on the fish’ (I hadn’t had fish and butter before I met the churchwarden and his wife)
 ‘You don’t use the wooden knife or mummy will be cross’,
‘oh’.
the churchwarden's wife said something about a bruise that she didn’t know where she’d got it.
****,( very sexually), ‘oh, Mummy has bruises in places that she can’t show you’
his wife spluttered.
Me:  ‘Don’t be revolting ,****’
End of conversation.
·
·
· What did he do:
· In church, holding me and hugging me, yet telling me people were talking about him and me
· Going in a room alone with me yet telling me people were talking
· Telling me off for platonic kisses when his were not.
· Forcing contact
· Doing physical therapy
· Doing sexual therapy
· The thinks he said about sex
· Causing problems between me and his wife (which the man from Autism Jersey said is what some predatory men do to ensure they are not held at fault if their behaviour is discovered).

· Emotional torture
· the churchwarden did some very odd things
· the churchwarden found out that I was wary of having my upper arms and my neck touched. So he developed a routine – he would stand there very tall and straight and gesture me to come to him, a little flick of his hand, ‘come here’, he would make me put my head right up in the air and he would stroke my neck, at first I would choke when he did this, but I got used to it, it did alarm me, and it did make the churchwarden's wife tut, then he would do my arms, stroking continuously up and down, I never got used to that, it is a physically uncomfortable experience, and this routine usually left me a bit confused, the churchwarden called it ‘my medicine’ or ‘putting me through my paces’, it was odd, he could well be helping me, but on the other hand it could be that the churchwarden needed to be ‘in charge’, male dominance, I wondered if the pinning down was the same sort of thing, he did it when I’d been away and come back, reasserting his dominance?. the churchwarden needed me to know that he was ‘the man’, he jeered at me about my physical strength, hence my comment in the ‘slap on the nose email’ about ‘Male identity’.

· the churchwarden does jeer, it’s surprising for such a ‘gentle, humble man‘, but he does, I was very shy and embarrassed sometimes, he would come out with things like calling people sunbathing ‘beached walruses, and repeatedly commented on my weight (no longer an issue due to all this, the trauma diet.)
·
· At the end of my friendship with the churchwardenand his wife I was trying desparately to repair what was left of the relationship, and the churchwarden was just calmly smashing me about with the things that he said his wife was saying or thinking about me, I realised finally that he was playing games, always had and always would, he wasn’t going to take any responsibility or help ease the distress.
· the churchwarden's wife was being nice to me, but the churchwardensaid it was just because she was a good Christian, I had previously told them both that I wouldn’t say anything against them to anyone because I loved them, but I was taking the weight of blame and had them talking about me to people.

· I realised that the churchwarden wasn’t going to stop playing games, he wasn’t going to work with me to rebuild the friendship, he’d never made any effort to do so, he just kept telling me what his wife thought of me, he talked to other people about me, no attempt was ever made to sit and talk with me about problems, apart from when I got the churchwarden's wife to talk to me when the churchwarden said that his  wife thought I would be a burden to her for the rest of her life (what a lovely thing to say about someone you’ve adopted knowing that they have problems).
· Neither the churchwarden's wife nor the churchwarden were emotionally capable of carrying out the commitment of taking in a damaged person, ‘adopting’ them and ‘healing them’ as they claimed to be doing, his ‘healing methods’ such as the ‘medicine’ above, had their side effects that the churchwarden and wife triggered and couldn’t cope with, yet they told everyone else that they couldn’t cope, and I was shamed and embarrassed in church. And the Vicar and their close friend, the reader, never spoke to me about how I was deteriorating or warned me he was under restrictions (which were not being implemented)

· A thought occurred, did the churchwarden talk about me getting pregnant because he wanted to go further with me but didn’t dare? I don’t know, never will know, it was just a sudden thought.  I think that conversation continued on the subject of sex and masturbation, or there was a similar conversation, I didn’t start the conversation but I was silly enough to  join in, I was alone with the churchwarden on the sofa.

· It could be very difficult to read what his thoughts and intentions were, for example the sudden biting at my chest, why did he do that? He couldn’t say it was ‘therapy’, was it a game? Was he being just irresponsible? Testing my reactions? When I put my finger on his nose and said ’no’, he just grinned and said nothing, he never apologised. I was shaking, surely a loving Daddy doesn’t do things like that.

· the churchwarden sitting me on his knee was always at his invitation and when the  wife wasn’t around, I never went to him and climbed on his knee, he used to sit me across his knees, so my bottom was one side and my legs were hanging down the other side, he didn’t sit me facing him, but once when he was manouvering things he said something about ‘ending up in a position that we don’t want to be in’, but  he was my daddy. the churchwarden's wife must have seen me sitting on his knees at least once, one time when she came up to the bathroom and I was sitting on his knees in his office and the churchwarden said ‘***** may not like us doing this’, the churchwarden's wife didn’t say anything though, and I said to her that the churchwarden was telling me about God. Looking back and thinking about all this I really shouldn’t have let him do these things, and I should really have thought about why his wife would have not liked that but at the time he was ‘Daddy’, trying to cure me, trying to mend me, and I wanted to be mended and be part of a family I completely trusted him, every other word from him was God and scripture, so I thought he must be trustworthy. I should have known better, I really should.
· the churchwarden talked about sex outside of marriage, something about the reason why I wouldn’t have sex, if it was because of fear? At the time I thought he meant fear of God, (this was before he asked me about being raped) and I told him that it wasn’t fear of God’s judgement, it was about honouring God.

· When I was showing the churchwarden and his wife photographs, the churchwarden wanted to look closer at the photo of me in a swimsuit but I wouldn’t let him, so he tried to snatch the page of photos off me and I crumpled them up because I was embarrassed, the churchwarden's wife went mad at me. My behavioural problems? My behavioural problems?
· Daddies don’t often make a point of talking sex to daughters, they are usually too embarrassed. (this is what the man at autism Jersey told me) I didn’t think about that at the time, I just thought how loving and nurturing daddy was, cuddling me in his arms and I thought that because he was a Christian and married that he must have the right motives. How stupid and naive I was, even after all my life story.

· Even with friends that I’ve known a long time, even JM, I was never asked if I was raped and we don’t discuss rape, none of my male friends have ever talked about rape and it is rare for sex to be in the conversation. the churchwarden started talking about sex soon after I met him, I should have, may have seen a warning sign in that, but I dismissed my fears, the churchwarden was a church officer, he said I was his daughter, he is eccentric, so I excused him.
· How was I expected to cope with being daughter/not daughter. Like when there was a party for *****s stepmum, all the family were there, I was very blatantly not invited and the churchwarden's wife was going through the details of the party for days afterwards, what fun the children had etc. It was torture for me and I got told off for not knowing how to react. Daughter? Shameful secret? (I was alternately daughter and not daughter, he said I was, but it was kept a secret from their family).

· the churchwarden hugged me sometimes when he was wearing his pyjamas and sometimes when he was in pyjamas with no pyjama top on. I didn’t see this as sexual, but I jokingly told him to put his top on, there was no genital contact in the pyjama hugs. I never hugged the churchwarden when I was wearing my pyjamas, the churchwarden and the his wife never saw me in pyjamas as I was shy, I was always fully dressed in dayclothes when they saw me. the churchwarden and his wife didn’t see me on Christmas day after I walked out as I went home to bed, but on boxing day morning the churchwarden wanted me to come out of my room and hug him, his words, but I told him that it would be rude because I still in my pyjamas.

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

The letter to the Jersey Deanery, as requested

Here it is, 15th of October on this
blog
http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/open-letter-to-jersey-deanery.html

Dear Bruce Willing, Philip Bailhache, Gavin Ashenden and others who have villified me,

I thought I would write in response to what I see as a smear campaign against myself by yourselves in response to the Korris report that assesses the Dean of Jersey to have done wrong.
I have silently endured your very unChristian response to the Korris report for a long time
I am deeply dismayed by your approach to the matter.

I am first and foremost very sad to see how far behind the rest of the world Jersey is with regards to attitude to mental health.
You claim me to be mentally ill and you use that against me not only in a way that criminalizes me but in a derogatory way that puts your view across in a way that makes it look as if you are removing credibility from all people with mental illness.
I have several comments on that, firstly ‘mental illness’ covers a very wide range of illnesses, from mild forms of depression and anxiety/phobia to the more severe forms of psychosis and schitzophrenia.

It is important to remember that even people who are seriously mentally ill are still human and have a side to things, and that the attitude you are showing is simply that ‘people with mental illness are not credible’, sadly it is people with mental illness and people on the autistic spectrum who are most vulnerable to abuse, because they are isolated, need care and are vulnerable, can be misunderstood and often isolated lacking in voice and effective advocacy or enterpretation.

I am dismayed that you, in your positions, are not enlightened on the subject of mental health, to the point where you are using my supposed mental health condition to scapegoat and vilify me and remove my credibility.
The damage you have done to me by scapegoat ing me in your efforts to clear the Dean and clergy in Jersey of misconduct is pretty horrifying, firstly because, hopefully you would know better than to scapegoat and verbally bash someone who has a physical disability, I do not understand why you feel that the equivelant is not the case with mental illness but that you feel that you should further hurt someone who is already suffering illness in order to achieve your own aims.

Also, Mr Willing, calling me a ‘poor unfortunate woman’ is the kind of terminology that belongs in the dark ages, it really really shows up how Jersey has not moved forward with the rest of the world in understanding mental health, autism and other conditions.

To conclude on mental illness, I am diagnosed as free from it. not only was I diagnosed as free from mental illness in a psychiatric report done in La Moye prison, but again in Winchester five months later, again in Sussex a few months following, and again in a comprehensive report from my current clinical psychologist who specializes in autism and trauma and has been in practice for 20 years.

You need to stop excusing the wrongdoing of the Dean and Church in Jersey by using mental illness that I do not suffer, and if you insist on proceeding to use my ‘mental illness’ as an excuse for the wrongdoers, you need to name my mental illness and back it up not only with clinical proof but with reasons why it is an excuse for the Dean and church’s misconduct.

Most mental illnesses can strike at any time and anyone can suffer, rich or poor, believer or non-believer, I ask you, do you expect to lose your own credibility and rights if any of you were to be struck down with mental illness of any kind, be it mild depression or any other form of illness? In this day and age, even though Jersey is a long way behind most of the developed world in many issues such as mental health, human rights and equality, it astounds me that you are, in the media and in front of the world, behaving in this severely prejudiced way.
I don’t know how to put this politely but ‘shafting Jersey to the rest of the world’ comes to mind.

And especially in the case of Gavin Ashenden making statements about mentally ill people being demon posessed and driving demons out during services, it is understandable why he was chosen as a Jersey clergyman, and his letters and statements about me when he doesn’t know me and only knows one side of what happened between me and others, he isn’t just showing how unenlightened he is about mental illness, or just how much an investigation into safeguarding in Jersey is needed, he is also showing that despite being an ordained Priest, he does not understand the basics of Christianity.

I am diagnosed as mildly autistic, suffering severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and severely psychologically damaged by my experiences not only of a very damaging upbringing but also of my what happened to me in Jersey and the Diocese of Winchester. Those things are not so easy for you to use as excuses I guess.

Lets move on to the subject of the Church.

Bearing in mind that I did not ask for this hugely disasterous visitation with it’s conflicts and PR Firms and reports that omit the views of key witnesses, I am astounded at just how unchristian the deanery of Jersey has been in their smear campaign against me. Even if I did make a complaint, it was five years ago, was disregarded and could have been dealt with in private.



Let’s go back to the very basics of Christianity the ones that are hard for the older, more wealthy and influential people to swallow.
Jesus said ‘let he who is without sin cast the first stone’, is any clergyman or lay church worker in Jersey who has maligned me at deanery meetings and in the press without sin? No, and no doubt in their own personal lives and histories, there are sins and skeletons, and yet they forget Jesus’ teaching, or, more horrifyingly, they do not know it or feel that, in this case, they can excuse themselves. Focussing on defending themselves or others who have done wrong.

When I left Jersey, I continued to suffer, mainly because I was condemned by the Church, until the day I was befriended by Catholics, and it was their words that saved me.
My dear Catholic friends, who remain dear to me two and a half years after I met them, taught me these simple things:

We are all accountable to God, the Church members who hurt me may have done wrong but it is between them and God, and I may have done wrong in retaliation but that is between me and God, and ultimately it is between me and God for me to confess my sins and be forgiven, and it is also up to the people who hurt me to confess before God and be forgiven by Him.
And there is no-one in Jersey who hurt me, who I have not forgiven, this does not mean that I am not deeply dismayed by their past and current behaviour.

I confessed my sins, and was provisionally Baptized a Catholic in order to be confirmed, as it was not possible to safely get my Baptism record from the Church of England, and in Baptism, all past sins are forgiven, and since my Baptism I have returned to confession with my sins and struggles regularly, and I love that integrity before God.

I can see that in Jersey no-one who has done wants to admit to their wrongdoing, and instead they are metaphorically stoning me, and using mental health as a rock to throw, which is, although they don’t realise it, tarnishing their image as Christians and certainly leaving them with a lot of wrong between themselves and God.
And I hope and pray that all of this can change, and that these people, Philip Bailhache, Gavin Ashenden and Bruce Willings will have a change of heart, come back to the basics of Christianity and cease to use the Church in incorrect ways.

I have an image of Jesus arriving in Jersey and going to these churches, homeless and unqualified, ‘different’ and saying things that people like Senator Bailhache and Bruce Willings do not like,  I have an image of them rejecting him and yet not being able to get rid of him, I have an image of them venting their wrath on him, I have an image of my own experience of Jersey, and I have an image of the crucifixion of Jesus at the hands of the Pharisees, and you know something? Those three images tell the same story.
I will discuss with you Senator Bailhache’s ‘campaign’ to get the Dean reinstated. I know I am autistic but I do not understand why Senator Bailhache was so keen to clear someone who had done wrong at the expense of the person who had been wronged.

Senator Bailhache has never met me, and no matter what he is told about me, that is heresay and he should know better, as a church member and as a representative of the States of Jersey, but especially as a church member who presumably professes to be a Christian, than to judge and condemn someone he doesn’t even know.
As I said earlier, I know Jersey is behind the times, but Senator Bailhache shows just how seriously behind the times he is, as well as showing just how much wrong there is between himself and God.
Hopefully Senator Bailhache’s new promotion to foreign affairs minister for that tiny Island of Jersey will ensure that his travel and liason with other, less insular countries will broaden his mind and bring Jersey, and himself, a bit more up to date on courtesy, balanced judgements and mental health.
He has really showed himself up and done himself a disservice in running a campaign that harmed me in order to try and clear the Dean of misconduct that the Dean did commit.

Senator Bailhache makes me out to be a troublemaker and an abuser despite never having met me and acting only on what he has heard, this shows very plainly why Jersey’s Deanery needs a visitation, it also shows him as unprofessional, a judge who judges someone he doesn’t know? writes libellous letters about them to all and sundry and has such letters published as fact and with claims to represent the whole island? Islanders protested about this, but because of the tremendous power that Senator Bailhache has, his was the voice which was heard.
Even the Bishop and Archbishop were made to give way and reinstate the Dean without an enquiry, on the grounds of Senator Bailhache using his political position, his signature as ‘Senator Bailhache’, despite later stating that he was acting as a member of the church and thus had every right to support the Dean.

Let me return to how this fits in with the Church and God, if this behaviour by Senator Bailhache is endorsed, commended or acceptable to the Church, then the Church is not following Jesus and is not of God.
If Senator Bailhache describes himself as a Christian, then he needs to stop and look at what he is doing and has done, and he needs to realise that not only is he behaving in a very unChristian way and very displeasing to God, but he is also tarnishing the Church’s Name, Image and purpose, and should choose between continuing his Unchristian behaviour and leaving the Church or considering how to achieve his aims, including supporting the Dean, in a proper, reasonable manner, without the unspeakable wrong of abuse of power in his political position while calling himself a Christian or his hate campaign against someone he considers to be ‘mentally ill’ in order to clear someone who has commited misconduct agains that same person.

Sincerely,

HG







Thursday, 7 November 2013

The endless horror of the cover ups and dishonesty and the impact on my life.

04/12/2016 Flaming Hell Jersey, you are landing on this post like a demented grasshopper, if you would like to know more, just email me.

The endless horror of the cover ups and dishonesty and the impact on my life. 

As you know, I have been in shock recently as it was revealed that Dame Steel has indeed done as expected and destroyed me on behalf of the wrongdoers who she has covered up for in her report.I have also been on antibiotics, and I never react well to them, I don't react well to most medicines. So I have been in a bit of a stupor.


I think I will go through various things here.
According to Bob Hill's account of his meeting with Dame Heather Steel, she made me out to be a violent troublemaker who threatens people in their homes.Who I am supposed to have threatened I do not know, as far as I know I threatened no-one until right at the end when the Bishop's refusal to deal with my complaint and the unrelenting distress I was put under by the Dean and Deanery, Jane Fisher and the Bishop, drove me to breaking point.
Apparently Dame Steel's report says the Dean met with me because the A's had made a formal complaint about me harrassing them, presumably this is stating that he did not meet me to deal with my complaint of abuse.If this is the case, which it isn't, don't you think that is very very bad practice indeed? For these reasons among others:
  • The Dean certainly did not make this clear
  • why did the Dean, being confronted with my abuse complaint on one hand, and a known offender all of a sudden making a formal complaint of harrassment against me on the other, not immediately contact the Diocese of Winchester, and also make it clear to me what was going on? He didn't do either.
  • And no matter if the avertys had made a complaint of harrassment, I had made a complaint of sexual abuse and A was known to the church as an offender (which I was not told about or warned about), why was it appropriate for the Dean to see the A's first? It was not.
  • No mention of the A's making a formal complaint was made to me, the Dean was trying to dissuade me from making a complaint against the A's, saying things like 'isn't abuse a bit of a harsh word for this?' etc.
There were no unpleasant letters from me to anyone except where I was being harmed in some way, I am reactive and have responded to being hurt. In the case of the A's I was being sexually and emotionally abused, and in the case of A's Vicar, he and his wife were ignoring my concerns and my deterioration at A's hands and were allowing A to proceed to hurt me and complain to them and discuss me with them repeatedly in a derogatory way while refusing to speak to me, the cult atmosphere and the way I was lied to by the Vicar and his wife also harmed me. And all things considered, the Vicar and his wife's attitude when they knew this man was an offender, and the way they discussed me with him negatively while refusing to speak to me, all the while knowing I was obviously increasingly upset, is unspeakably appalling. Basically, despite his history, he was allowed to take me home and abuse me, I deteriorated and nothing was done.


Apparently, Dame Steel has interviewed Reverend Gavin Ashenden, who is technically nothing to do with this matter, he was not even among the clergy in Jersey when the abuse and abuse case and deportation occured, but as a former barrister, chaplain to the Queen etc, and being closely allied to Reverend Phil and heather Warren's parents/in-law, he feels qualified to have interfered and elected himself spokesperson for the Jersey deanery and slandered and libelled me even though he has never met me, apparently forgetting completely what his dog collar stands for and not taking into account that there is no way a one-sided public judgement of me can be even remotely Christian.


But despite the fact that Dame Heather Steel has not interviewed me, or the A's, she has interviewed Gavin Ashenden, who was not there at the time, does not have my side either of the abuse and abuse complaint nor does he have my side of what happened with George and Jill Lihou, Reverend Phil Warren's parents-in-law.
So why did Dame Steel interview someone who isn't even a relevant witness and not interview me or even attempt to allay fears of her conflict of interests so I could be interviewed, or even take up my offer to be interviewed by a neutral interviewer? Why is the testimony of someone like Gavin Ashenden who was representing the Jersey Deanery even though he wasn't there when the matters took place more important than interviewing me? Or even Bob?Dame Steel claims to have 'not got Bob's emails', is that any excuse? she knew Bob was representing me, and she conveniently lost his emails until it was too late and she has finished her report.


Gavin Ashenden has apparently said that the Dean's case is 'watertight'. Well it may be 'watertight', with legal experts like Gavin Ashenden, Philip Bailhache and Ian leMarquand advising him, as well as presumably his lawyers, but that does not mean they are being honest or Christian, because the fact is that the Dean has done wrong, and no amount of dishonest cover-ups and legal expertise is Christian, nor does it take away the abuse, the misconduct and everything else I have suffered at the hands of the church of England.


I have suffered the church of England for many years now, and am worn down, I have been abused, snubbed, had feet wiped on me, been maligned, been judged, been lied to and about, been brutalized, been imprisoned, left homeless and been destroyed, and am being destroyed.The contrasts are that Jesus was treated as I have been treated, and the people doing this are priests who are being paid and housed because they claim to represent him, their wrongdoings do not represent Jesus, and nor are they destroyed and publicly shamed and left homeless as I have been at their hands.


After many months of being maligned, libelled and slandered at the hands of the Jersey Deanery, I wrote them an open letter, it wont stop their triumph of Dame Steel's representation of them, but it was a reminder to them that their behaviour was not Christian, no matter what they publicly and one-sidedly assumed about mine.The press mainly savaged my letter and did not print it entirely or correctly, that was to be expected, Jersey press are under the thumb of certain notable and not neutral people. Gavin Ashenden surprisingly responded by calling for the Bishop to apologize to me and the Dean. 


I am not sure if that was to save face? Attack the Bishop? Or because the man didn't know how else to respond? Seeing as he has behaved in an appallingly unchristian way and my letter highlights that.This is my letter on Bob's blog, always read the comments sections on Bob's blogs! 
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/jerseys-dean-hgs-guest-posting-open.html
This is Bob's latest Blog, for those who haven't seen it, again, always read the comments, they are an education:
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/jerseys-dean-truth-whole-truth-or.html


As you may be aware from the brief posts I have made recently, I have been under intolerable stress. I do not understand why I have been put through all this, and the Diocese of Winchester certainly has no explanation, basically what I have suffered because of Dame Steel and the Jersey Deanery is absolutely inexcusable, no human being especially not a homeless and traumatized one should have to go through the life wrecking, psychologically harmful barrage that I have been through this year, from the Korris report, the police tracing me despite the diocese repeatedly having me brutalized and detained by the police previously for persisting with my complaint, to the Jersey Deanery hate campaign and the impact on my personal life, the threats by Bishop Dakin and the conflicted inquiry that has bypassed me and my account, despite this whole thing supposedly being about me being wrongly treated.


The end result is that I am psychologically injured, separated from my efforts to rebuild my life, maligned, publicly shamed and with no hope of any justice.
The worst thing is, the people who did this to me, without exception, call themselves Christians, and the one man who has represented me and my interests and welfare throughout this, does not publicly identify himself as a Christian.

This post will be followed shortly by another one that got deleted last night when the internet crashed.

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Open letter to the Jersey Deanery

Dear Bruce Willing, Philip Bailhache, Gavin Ashenden and others who have villified me,

I thought I would write in response to what I see as a smear campaign against myself by yourselves in response to the Korris report that assesses the Dean of Jersey to have done wrong.
I have silently endured your very unChristian response to the Korris report for a long time
I am deeply dismayed by your approach to the matter.

I am first and foremost very sad to see how far behind the rest of the world Jersey is with regards to attitude to mental health.
You claim me to be mentally ill and you use that against me not only in a way that criminalizes me but in a derogatory way that puts your view across in a way that makes it look as if you are removing credibility from all people with mental illness.
I have several comments on that, firstly ‘mental illness’ covers a very wide range of illnesses, from mild forms of depression and anxiety/phobia to the more severe forms of psychosis and schitzophrenia.

It is important to remember that even people who are seriously mentally ill are still human and have a side to things, and that the attitude you are showing is simply that ‘people with mental illness are not credible’, sadly it is people with mental illness and people on the autistic spectrum who are most vulnerable to abuse, because they are isolated, need care and are vulnerable, can be misunderstood and often isolated lacking in voice and effective advocacy or enterpretation.

I am dismayed that you, in your positions, are not enlightened on the subject of mental health, to the point where you are using my supposed mental health condition to scapegoat and vilify me and remove my credibility.
The damage you have done to me by scapegoat ing me in your efforts to clear the Dean and clergy in Jersey of misconduct is pretty horrifying, firstly because, hopefully you would know better than to scapegoat and verbally bash someone who has a physical disability, I do not understand why you feel that the equivelant is not the case with mental illness but that you feel that you should further hurt someone who is already suffering illness in order to achieve your own aims.

Also, Mr Willing, calling me a ‘poor unfortunate woman’ is the kind of terminology that belongs in the dark ages, it really really shows up how Jersey has not moved forward with the rest of the world in understanding mental health, autism and other conditions.

To conclude on mental illness, I am diagnosed as free from it. not only was I diagnosed as free from mental illness in a psychiatric report done in La Moye prison, but again in Winchester five months later, again in Sussex a few months following, and again in a comprehensive report from my current clinical psychologist who specializes in autism and trauma and has been in practice for 20 years.

You need to stop excusing the wrongdoing of the Dean and Church in Jersey by using mental illness that I do not suffer, and if you insist on proceeding to use my ‘mental illness’ as an excuse for the wrongdoers, you need to name my mental illness and back it up not only with clinical proof but with reasons why it is an excuse for the Dean and church’s misconduct.

Most mental illnesses can strike at any time and anyone can suffer, rich or poor, believer or non-believer, I ask you, do you expect to lose your own credibility and rights if any of you were to be struck down with mental illness of any kind, be it mild depression or any other form of illness? In this day and age, even though Jersey is a long way behind most of the developed world in many issues such as mental health, human rights and equality, it astounds me that you are, in the media and in front of the world, behaving in this severely prejudiced way.
I don’t know how to put this politely but ‘shafting Jersey to the rest of the world’ comes to mind.

And especially in the case of Gavin Ashenden making statements about mentally ill people being demon posessed and driving demons out during services, it is understandable why he was chosen as a Jersey clergyman, and his letters and statements about me when he doesn’t know me and only knows one side of what happened between me and others, he isn’t just showing how unenlightened he is about mental illness, or just how much an investigation into safeguarding in Jersey is needed, he is also showing that despite being an ordained Priest, he does not understand the basics of Christianity.

I am diagnosed as mildly autistic, suffering severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and severely psychologically damaged by my experiences not only of a very damaging upbringing but also of my what happened to me in Jersey and the Diocese of Winchester. Those things are not so easy for you to use as excuses I guess.

Lets move on to the subject of the Church.

Bearing in mind that I did not ask for this hugely disasterous visitation with it’s conflicts and PR Firms and reports that omit the views of key witnesses, I am astounded at just how unchristian the deanery of Jersey has been in their smear campaign against me. Even if I did make a complaint, it was five years ago, was disregarded and could have been dealt with in private.



Let’s go back to the very basics of Christianity the ones that are hard for the older, more wealthy and influential people to swallow.
Jesus said ‘let he who is without sin cast the first stone’, is any clergyman or lay church worker in Jersey who has maligned me at deanery meetings and in the press without sin? No, and no doubt in their own personal lives and histories, there are sins and skeletons, and yet they forget Jesus’ teaching, or, more horrifyingly, they do not know it or feel that, in this case, they can excuse themselves. Focussing on defending themselves or others who have done wrong.

When I left Jersey, I continued to suffer, mainly because I was condemned by the Church, until the day I was befriended by Catholics, and it was their words that saved me.
My dear Catholic friends, who remain dear to me two and a half years after I met them, taught me these simple things:

We are all accountable to God, the Church members who hurt me may have done wrong but it is between them and God, and I may have done wrong in retaliation but that is between me and God, and ultimately it is between me and God for me to confess my sins and be forgiven, and it is also up to the people who hurt me to confess before God and be forgiven by Him.
And there is no-one in Jersey who hurt me, who I have not forgiven, this does not mean that I am not deeply dismayed by their past and current behaviour.

I confessed my sins, and was provisionally Baptized a Catholic in order to be confirmed, as it was not possible to safely get my Baptism record from the Church of England, and in Baptism, all past sins are forgiven, and since my Baptism I have returned to confession with my sins and struggles regularly, and I love that integrity before God.

I can see that in Jersey no-one who has done wants to admit to their wrongdoing, and instead they are metaphorically stoning me, and using mental health as a rock to throw, which is, although they don’t realise it, tarnishing their image as Christians and certainly leaving them with a lot of wrong between themselves and God.
And I hope and pray that all of this can change, and that these people, Philip Bailhache, Gavin Ashenden and Bruce Willings will have a change of heart, come back to the basics of Christianity and cease to use the Church in incorrect ways.

I have an image of Jesus arriving in Jersey and going to these churches, homeless and unqualified, ‘different’ and saying things that people like Senator Bailhache and Bruce Willings do not like,  I have an image of them rejecting him and yet not being able to get rid of him, I have an image of them venting their wrath on him, I have an image of my own experience of Jersey, and I have an image of the crucifixion of Jesus at the hands of the Pharisees, and you know something? Those three images tell the same story.
I will discuss with you Senator Bailhache’s ‘campaign’ to get the Dean reinstated. I know I am autistic but I do not understand why Senator Bailhache was so keen to clear someone who had done wrong at the expense of the person who had been wronged.

Senator Bailhache has never met me, and no matter what he is told about me, that is heresay and he should know better, as a church member and as a representative of the States of Jersey, but especially as a church member who presumably professes to be a Christian, than to judge and condemn someone he doesn’t even know.
As I said earlier, I know Jersey is behind the times, but Senator Bailhache shows just how seriously behind the times he is, as well as showing just how much wrong there is between himself and God.
Hopefully Senator Bailhache’s new promotion to foreign affairs minister for that tiny Island of Jersey will ensure that his travel and liason with other, less insular countries will broaden his mind and bring Jersey, and himself, a bit more up to date on courtesy, balanced judgements and mental health.
He has really showed himself up and done himself a disservice in running a campaign that harmed me in order to try and clear the Dean of misconduct that the Dean did commit.

Senator Bailhache makes me out to be a troublemaker and an abuser despite never having met me and acting only on what he has heard, this shows very plainly why Jersey’s Deanery needs a visitation, it also shows him as unprofessional, a judge who judges someone he doesn’t know? writes libellous letters about them to all and sundry and has such letters published as fact and with claims to represent the whole island? Islanders protested about this, but because of the tremendous power that Senator Bailhache has, his was the voice which was heard.
Even the Bishop and Archbishop were made to give way and reinstate the Dean without an enquiry, on the grounds of Senator Bailhache using his political position, his signature as ‘Senator Bailhache’, despite later stating that he was acting as a member of the church and thus had every right to support the Dean.

Let me return to how this fits in with the Church and God, if this behaviour by Senator Bailhache is endorsed, commended or acceptable to the Church, then the Church is not following Jesus and is not of God.
If Senator Bailhache describes himself as a Christian, then he needs to stop and look at what he is doing and has done, and he needs to realise that not only is he behaving in a very unChristian way and very displeasing to God, but he is also tarnishing the Church’s Name, Image and purpose, and should choose between continuing his Unchristian behaviour and leaving the Church or considering how to achieve his aims, including supporting the Dean, in a proper, reasonable manner, without the unspeakable wrong of abuse of power in his political position while calling himself a Christian or his hate campaign against someone he considers to be ‘mentally ill’ in order to clear someone who has commited misconduct agains that same person.

Sincerely,

HG