Good morning.
Hopelessness continues.
The complexity of people going behind my back and trying to make life decisions for me against my will, and my reaction has been severe and I am tired and shaky all the time.
My mediator and a friend of his called Julie, contacted someone representing the church of england about me, and apparently made arrangements about me without my input or consent, at the same time as the Diocese of Winchester started threatening my life and liberty again.
The Diocese of Winchester have refused my complaint and harmed me badly and constantly and have no right to a say in my life at all. I am living in terror of them forcing on me and knowing I am open and vulnerable to attacks by them and the police, I am defenceless and have managed to make myself very vulnerable both by letting my location be known and by allowing another disasterous pastoral care relationship to rock my life.
I remember how my parents used to say that spirits and demons were responsible for bad things, especially bad things by authorities, and so, to amuse myself in the early hours as I no longer sleep properly, I looked up spirits, guardians, and powers behind the Diocese of Winchester, I found St. Swithun and that is all, I do not think he is responsible for this almighty horror, and I rarely pray to Saints as it is not appropriate, but I prayed that he would intercede in this injustice and do a miracle like he did with the basket of eggs.
I think the sheer force of the Diocese and the sheer injustice can only be Satan's work.
My side is drowned out and I am villified with my side of my reactions not being heard.
Thursday, 21 November 2013
Wednesday, 20 November 2013
For a limited time only -here is my psychological report from a few months ago, it seems to rile my destroyers so I will post it for a few days
12th July 2013
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
Re: J. H
(Dob)
I am a clinical psychologist and work for the NHS and I am also an associate of ********* ***** in that capacity. I have worked as a psychologist for twenty years.
J. H. came to ********* ****** in January this year requesting help to understand and more effectively manage her emotions, in order to improve her relationships. J. also wanted to reassure herself that she is not “mad”. I believe the latter concern has followed both as a consequence of the traumas she has experienced and because of others’ reportedly malign attitudes towards her following these experiences. I have met J. a number of times over this period, and she has talked to me about her very troubled upbringing as well as the difficulties she has faced since then.
J. talked about her family in which she is one of fifteen siblings all brought up by their biological parents. J. described her father as authoritative, punitive and sometimes physically abusive. For example, J. recounted that she had only attended school for two terms when she was about eight years old and she was largely home-taught by her father. J. stated that her father used to beat her for not doing well at maths. J. said that she later discovered that she had a specific learning difficulty with mathematics (dyscalculia). Despite this poor educational experience, J. observed that at 14 she bought her own books from money she earned from paper rounds and taught herself. J. attained five GCSEs at age 16 and a further two since then. J. later went to a careers advisor who suggested that she take up a course in horticulture and agriculture.
J. further observed that she felt that although her father could not cope well with the demands of life he was better at seeing to the children’s needs than her mother who she described as more often ill or too “obsessed” by concerns outside the family to be emotionally and practically accessible to her children. For example, J. noted that her mother would be involved with Court cases and quarrels with the neighbours. In this context, J. recounted that the family sometimes lived in hostels for the homeless, at times in council housing. J. recounted that her family was seen in the eyes of others as the “the family from hell”, and often targeted by the neighbours in some communities including having fireworks put in the letter box, and in which communities gang violence was prevalent. Overall, J.’s account was of an extremely unstable and disrupted home life. J. noted that she experienced extreme emotional distress when she was 12 years old.
J. further described her parents as having rigidly held, extreme beliefs about the educational establishment and the medical profession, noting that her parents distrusted doctors and midwives. For example, J. noted that her mother did not call an ambulance when her father was critically ill because the “hospital would try to kill him”, and that doctors could be “practising warlocks”. These paranoid beliefs resulted in the children being raised in an insular, cultish atmosphere in which J. and her siblings were “terrified” to refute such beliefs.
This brief description alone would be sufficient to suggest that J. might develop significant emotional problems arising from disrupted attachments to parents, and an overall parental inadequacy in providing a nurturing environment. In the absence of protective factors, for example, at least one significant nurturing adult, these experiences are likely to lead to later difficulties in relationships.
J. left home when she was 17, with the idea of seeking a “normal” life. She has not since returned and she noted that her father died a few years ago. J. attended college where she met a counsellor who was also a Vicar of the local church in the Winchester diocese. J. initially found the counsellor helpful but that this person had crossed her professional boundaries in her role as counsellor. J. apparently reminded the counsellor of one of her own family members and the counsellor befriended her rather than maintaining a professional relationship. J. stated that the counsellor, being also a vicar, encouraged J. to join the church, which J. did. J. recounted that between 19 and 20 years old the Vicar’s husband sexually abused her. J. noted that the Vicar did not believe that this had happened. Since then J. has experienced the secondary trauma of not only being disbelieved but accused by Church officials of being “mad”. J.’s efforts to have her complaint upheld have resulted, she said, in being unjustly incarcerated by the police for “harassing” the church. J. noted that she was also physically assaulted by police officers during this episode. J. recounted her experience of being sexually abused in Jersey when she was 26 years old. J.’s story is one in which repeated efforts to be heard have fallen on deaf ears. J. noted that she had once attempted suicide but has not done since. J. described herself as fit and strong before becoming homeless and had enjoyed life. J. has since been struggling to overcome both the trauma of sexual abuse and the negative impact of not having her voice heard by officials, an issue well documented in other such cases.
In relation to the traumas J. has experienced flashbacks and nightmares, and avoids people other than friends whom she knows to be trustworthy; she experiences high levels of anxiety when thinking of these issues, very noticeable in sessions with J.. J. has interpreted her anger as problematic yet these feelings are to be understood in the context of the abuse she has suffered and are well documented in the experiences of post traumatic stress. J. shows some insight into the difficulties with her relationships and her feelings and has tried assiduously both to understand her experiences and to improve herself from these. Despite her parents’ distrust of doctors and her learnt discomfort with them, J. sought medical help and was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome when she was 25. One of the key issues experienced by people with this condition is some difficulty in relating to others. For example, it is often not easy for people with Aspergers to understand the intentions or motives of others. J. noted that she becomes anxious about others’ views of her, but this is hardly surprising in the light of her having internalised so many negative views of herself both from her early family experiences and by the perpetrators of the sexual abuse she has experienced, and those who have reportedly refused her justice.
In my opinion, J. is suffering from post-traumatic stress brought about by sexual abuse and exacerbated by the responses she has experienced from the Church in her attempts to seek justice.
J. has a history of depression arising from this and has difficulty sustaining relationships, although she has a few understanding friends. J.’s experiences have been and continue to be further compounded by the limits imposed by Aspergers on her social communication skills, making her very vulnerable to exploitation by others. Such potential exploitation and abuse may be facilitated by J.’s already fragile sense of self. Despite these significant difficulties J. evidently displays strength and tenacity in trying to overcome the impact of her past experiences. Her desire to come to terms with the past and to improve her life says more about her “normality” than anything else. I believe that J. will need a lot of further support in her endeavours to achieve these outcomes.
Please do not hesitate to contact me should you require any further information.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
Re: J. H
(Dob)
I am a clinical psychologist and work for the NHS and I am also an associate of ********* ***** in that capacity. I have worked as a psychologist for twenty years.
J. H. came to ********* ****** in January this year requesting help to understand and more effectively manage her emotions, in order to improve her relationships. J. also wanted to reassure herself that she is not “mad”. I believe the latter concern has followed both as a consequence of the traumas she has experienced and because of others’ reportedly malign attitudes towards her following these experiences. I have met J. a number of times over this period, and she has talked to me about her very troubled upbringing as well as the difficulties she has faced since then.
J. talked about her family in which she is one of fifteen siblings all brought up by their biological parents. J. described her father as authoritative, punitive and sometimes physically abusive. For example, J. recounted that she had only attended school for two terms when she was about eight years old and she was largely home-taught by her father. J. stated that her father used to beat her for not doing well at maths. J. said that she later discovered that she had a specific learning difficulty with mathematics (dyscalculia). Despite this poor educational experience, J. observed that at 14 she bought her own books from money she earned from paper rounds and taught herself. J. attained five GCSEs at age 16 and a further two since then. J. later went to a careers advisor who suggested that she take up a course in horticulture and agriculture.
J. further observed that she felt that although her father could not cope well with the demands of life he was better at seeing to the children’s needs than her mother who she described as more often ill or too “obsessed” by concerns outside the family to be emotionally and practically accessible to her children. For example, J. noted that her mother would be involved with Court cases and quarrels with the neighbours. In this context, J. recounted that the family sometimes lived in hostels for the homeless, at times in council housing. J. recounted that her family was seen in the eyes of others as the “the family from hell”, and often targeted by the neighbours in some communities including having fireworks put in the letter box, and in which communities gang violence was prevalent. Overall, J.’s account was of an extremely unstable and disrupted home life. J. noted that she experienced extreme emotional distress when she was 12 years old.
J. further described her parents as having rigidly held, extreme beliefs about the educational establishment and the medical profession, noting that her parents distrusted doctors and midwives. For example, J. noted that her mother did not call an ambulance when her father was critically ill because the “hospital would try to kill him”, and that doctors could be “practising warlocks”. These paranoid beliefs resulted in the children being raised in an insular, cultish atmosphere in which J. and her siblings were “terrified” to refute such beliefs.
This brief description alone would be sufficient to suggest that J. might develop significant emotional problems arising from disrupted attachments to parents, and an overall parental inadequacy in providing a nurturing environment. In the absence of protective factors, for example, at least one significant nurturing adult, these experiences are likely to lead to later difficulties in relationships.
J. left home when she was 17, with the idea of seeking a “normal” life. She has not since returned and she noted that her father died a few years ago. J. attended college where she met a counsellor who was also a Vicar of the local church in the Winchester diocese. J. initially found the counsellor helpful but that this person had crossed her professional boundaries in her role as counsellor. J. apparently reminded the counsellor of one of her own family members and the counsellor befriended her rather than maintaining a professional relationship. J. stated that the counsellor, being also a vicar, encouraged J. to join the church, which J. did. J. recounted that between 19 and 20 years old the Vicar’s husband sexually abused her. J. noted that the Vicar did not believe that this had happened. Since then J. has experienced the secondary trauma of not only being disbelieved but accused by Church officials of being “mad”. J.’s efforts to have her complaint upheld have resulted, she said, in being unjustly incarcerated by the police for “harassing” the church. J. noted that she was also physically assaulted by police officers during this episode. J. recounted her experience of being sexually abused in Jersey when she was 26 years old. J.’s story is one in which repeated efforts to be heard have fallen on deaf ears. J. noted that she had once attempted suicide but has not done since. J. described herself as fit and strong before becoming homeless and had enjoyed life. J. has since been struggling to overcome both the trauma of sexual abuse and the negative impact of not having her voice heard by officials, an issue well documented in other such cases.
In relation to the traumas J. has experienced flashbacks and nightmares, and avoids people other than friends whom she knows to be trustworthy; she experiences high levels of anxiety when thinking of these issues, very noticeable in sessions with J.. J. has interpreted her anger as problematic yet these feelings are to be understood in the context of the abuse she has suffered and are well documented in the experiences of post traumatic stress. J. shows some insight into the difficulties with her relationships and her feelings and has tried assiduously both to understand her experiences and to improve herself from these. Despite her parents’ distrust of doctors and her learnt discomfort with them, J. sought medical help and was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome when she was 25. One of the key issues experienced by people with this condition is some difficulty in relating to others. For example, it is often not easy for people with Aspergers to understand the intentions or motives of others. J. noted that she becomes anxious about others’ views of her, but this is hardly surprising in the light of her having internalised so many negative views of herself both from her early family experiences and by the perpetrators of the sexual abuse she has experienced, and those who have reportedly refused her justice.
In my opinion, J. is suffering from post-traumatic stress brought about by sexual abuse and exacerbated by the responses she has experienced from the Church in her attempts to seek justice.
J. has a history of depression arising from this and has difficulty sustaining relationships, although she has a few understanding friends. J.’s experiences have been and continue to be further compounded by the limits imposed by Aspergers on her social communication skills, making her very vulnerable to exploitation by others. Such potential exploitation and abuse may be facilitated by J.’s already fragile sense of self. Despite these significant difficulties J. evidently displays strength and tenacity in trying to overcome the impact of her past experiences. Her desire to come to terms with the past and to improve her life says more about her “normality” than anything else. I believe that J. will need a lot of further support in her endeavours to achieve these outcomes.
Please do not hesitate to contact me should you require any further information.
Precis/overview part 1. How I ended up destroyed by the Church of England
I am 32 years old and have Asperger Syndrome or High Functioning Autism, Behavioural/Attachment Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress.
I am from a family of 15 siblings who grew up in a travelling cult environment and never knew a settled home in any way, shape or form.
Due to the upbringing I had, I did not go to school or see a doctor as these things were against my parents' beliefs, so my autistic spectrum condition went unnoticed, especially as most of my family were apparently on the spectrum, including my Dad and we were a closed religious family, like a cult.
There was no good side to my upbringing, with the family being unsettled and in poverty and living in unsuitable places, squats and hostels, and people outside the family despising us for being different and antisocial. We suffered a lot of violence and hardship. I grew up in a volatile and unsettled world and never received the help I needed.
Aged 12 I had a breakdown after severe gang violence against my family and I never fully recovered, I theorize and therapy professionals have endorsed this, that my brain temporarily stopped developing at this point and neural pathways disconnected. Which may be why I am childlike but my mental age is possibly normal.
But aged 12 I did not get the help that I then urgently needed, because my family remained closed and unaware of my need for help, or their need for help. I believe I should have been removed from my family at this point because the lack of urgent therapeutic treatment and help was a form of neglect, and the situation that my family was in was dangerous and I suffered physical injuries as well as mental ones.
From that time onwards I increasingly lost my ability to speak and interact and was silent most of the time. The full horror of what happened when I was 12 isn't to be explained here but it has damaged me for life.
Aged 13 and onwards life didn't improve much, with a move from the dangerous council estate to a year in a homeless hostel and then my remaining years with my family spent in houses in ghetto areas where gun, drug and knife crime were normal. There was no end to violence and instability in my family's life from when I was a young child to when I left my family.
I made my escape from my family aged 17, having never known 'normality' as most young people would see it, I had not been to school, seen a doctor, apart from a police doctor and a social services prevention, I had never been on holiday, I had never known anything except the closed strictly religious family and the violence and unsettled travelling life, I did not know about clothes, makeup, parties or anything that girls my age normally knew about. I had never even had a proper haircut.
But worst of all, my level of communication and ability to process what was said to me was very very poor, my interaction and understanding of the real world were both very poor.
I was undiagnosed, not aware that I was on the autistic spectrum and not aware that I had learning difficulties, psychological damage, behavioural/attachment disorder and Post Traumatic Stress. and nor was anyone around me aware of what was wrong, so I was misunderstood and treated as awkward.
The world of neglect and ghettos I left was very different from the world I came to in Hampshire, in the wealthy Winchester district, which was completely alien to me after years of ghettos and council estates and homeless hostels and squats.
It was inevitable that I would be misunderstood and would not be able to explain myself.
Within weeks of moving to Hampshire and starting College aged 17, I realised I was not able to fit in, understand or be understood, and this made me very anxious. The situation was a whole life adjustment, and I was at a disadvantage from day one and could not explain to anyone, indeed I did not know, what was wrong.
My lack of speech angered people, because they knew I could speak, but the thing was, and I could not explain, I did not know what to say and did not understand most of what was said to me, so by the time I had deciphered what was said, it was too late for me to reply. My voice was not under my control and I would physically not be able to speak when I tried sometimes.
I was also always afraid, ducking and cringing, which also annoyed people.
I was in a large group on my course, but, because it was a male-dominated industry, I was the only female, which, in the state I was in, was also not the best start into independent adult life, and I was bullied and sexually harassed, to which I responded with a vicious fear that came from my upbringing and surprised the young Hampshire lads who were from stable homes and obviously did not expect my anger.
Despite my continuing problems, I managed the academic work at college reasonably well, but was terrified of college itself, because of the crowds, the noise, and the open space of the country campus after years in the city ghettos.The whole new life was terrifying and I was also in constant fear of losing this new life and having to return to the ghetto where there were simply no prospects for me.
But of course I did not know what was wrong, what was causing my fear and had no way of explaining myself, so the staff would get irritated with me for always being alone and away from the noise and bustle of the student areas and sitting alone on the wall of the staff car park, because I felt a bit safer with the staff than I did with the students.
I am from a family of 15 siblings who grew up in a travelling cult environment and never knew a settled home in any way, shape or form.
Due to the upbringing I had, I did not go to school or see a doctor as these things were against my parents' beliefs, so my autistic spectrum condition went unnoticed, especially as most of my family were apparently on the spectrum, including my Dad and we were a closed religious family, like a cult.
There was no good side to my upbringing, with the family being unsettled and in poverty and living in unsuitable places, squats and hostels, and people outside the family despising us for being different and antisocial. We suffered a lot of violence and hardship. I grew up in a volatile and unsettled world and never received the help I needed.
Aged 12 I had a breakdown after severe gang violence against my family and I never fully recovered, I theorize and therapy professionals have endorsed this, that my brain temporarily stopped developing at this point and neural pathways disconnected. Which may be why I am childlike but my mental age is possibly normal.
But aged 12 I did not get the help that I then urgently needed, because my family remained closed and unaware of my need for help, or their need for help. I believe I should have been removed from my family at this point because the lack of urgent therapeutic treatment and help was a form of neglect, and the situation that my family was in was dangerous and I suffered physical injuries as well as mental ones.
From that time onwards I increasingly lost my ability to speak and interact and was silent most of the time. The full horror of what happened when I was 12 isn't to be explained here but it has damaged me for life.
Aged 13 and onwards life didn't improve much, with a move from the dangerous council estate to a year in a homeless hostel and then my remaining years with my family spent in houses in ghetto areas where gun, drug and knife crime were normal. There was no end to violence and instability in my family's life from when I was a young child to when I left my family.
I made my escape from my family aged 17, having never known 'normality' as most young people would see it, I had not been to school, seen a doctor, apart from a police doctor and a social services prevention, I had never been on holiday, I had never known anything except the closed strictly religious family and the violence and unsettled travelling life, I did not know about clothes, makeup, parties or anything that girls my age normally knew about. I had never even had a proper haircut.
But worst of all, my level of communication and ability to process what was said to me was very very poor, my interaction and understanding of the real world were both very poor.
I was undiagnosed, not aware that I was on the autistic spectrum and not aware that I had learning difficulties, psychological damage, behavioural/attachment disorder and Post Traumatic Stress. and nor was anyone around me aware of what was wrong, so I was misunderstood and treated as awkward.
The world of neglect and ghettos I left was very different from the world I came to in Hampshire, in the wealthy Winchester district, which was completely alien to me after years of ghettos and council estates and homeless hostels and squats.
It was inevitable that I would be misunderstood and would not be able to explain myself.
Within weeks of moving to Hampshire and starting College aged 17, I realised I was not able to fit in, understand or be understood, and this made me very anxious. The situation was a whole life adjustment, and I was at a disadvantage from day one and could not explain to anyone, indeed I did not know, what was wrong.
My lack of speech angered people, because they knew I could speak, but the thing was, and I could not explain, I did not know what to say and did not understand most of what was said to me, so by the time I had deciphered what was said, it was too late for me to reply. My voice was not under my control and I would physically not be able to speak when I tried sometimes.
I was also always afraid, ducking and cringing, which also annoyed people.
I was in a large group on my course, but, because it was a male-dominated industry, I was the only female, which, in the state I was in, was also not the best start into independent adult life, and I was bullied and sexually harassed, to which I responded with a vicious fear that came from my upbringing and surprised the young Hampshire lads who were from stable homes and obviously did not expect my anger.
Despite my continuing problems, I managed the academic work at college reasonably well, but was terrified of college itself, because of the crowds, the noise, and the open space of the country campus after years in the city ghettos.The whole new life was terrifying and I was also in constant fear of losing this new life and having to return to the ghetto where there were simply no prospects for me.
But of course I did not know what was wrong, what was causing my fear and had no way of explaining myself, so the staff would get irritated with me for always being alone and away from the noise and bustle of the student areas and sitting alone on the wall of the staff car park, because I felt a bit safer with the staff than I did with the students.
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
Formal letter of warning to Bishop Tim Dakin
Bishop Tim Dakin
Wolvsley Palace
Winchester
SO23 9ND
19/11/2013
Formal legal letter:
Dear Bishop Tim Dakin,
This is a formal legal letter, to warn you that due to the failure of Hampshire Constabulary to effectively warn you against harassing me and due to your continued harassment of me, you are to desist from harassing me, as are your clergy and staff and anyone associated with you or I will make a public legal effort to have you restrained.
You had no right to have me traced and violated in March by the same police who your safeguarding officer previously used to have me brutalized and detained for 24 hours, claiming I was insane on 14/02/2011 as I responded to her and Bishop Scott-Joynts endless violations of my privacy and human rights in Winchester.
You forced yourself into my life with humiliating and horrifying press releases which severely embarrassed and shamed me in my community and lost me friends and humiliated and isolated and shocked me, those press releases contained theoretical ‘apologies’ which were no more than PR stunts and were never backed up by genuine personal apologies and there was never any intention of doing so.
Instead you threatened me with a court order that I knew nothing about in reply to me contacting you and begging and begging for you not to do a repeat of the harassment and violation of my life by Jane Fisher and Michael Scott-Joynt that occurred in 2011 which led to them having me repeatedly brutalized by police and locked up, again I have never recovered. I had no knowledge of a court order, but why did you have me traced if I was under a court order, and why did my destroyer, Jane Fisher state to the court in Sussex that she ‘still wanted to help me’, if I was being restrained for responding to her interference? I was left knowing she could go on violating my life and that every time I responded I would be beaten and locked up and no-one would protect me, hence me going on the run and changing my name, and yet you had me traced, violated my privacy and then threatened me when I begged to be left alone! Do you, a Bishop really consider any of this just and fair? I am left as helpless as a child at the hands of a rapist, and that is indeed what this has felt like to me, it is an endless horror from which I am not allowed to escape.
You had the untruthful and defamatory Korris report published internationally and refused to remove it, and allowed your clergy in Jersey to run a smear campaign that has done severe irreparable emotional damage to me.
You refused at any time to do anything about that made it quite clear while threatening me and also allowing this defamatory report and smear campaign that you had no concern for me or my welfare whatsoever and launched on me and wrecked my life for reasons known only to yourself.
You then allowed a conflicted Judge, Dame Heather Steel, to produce an inaccurate and utterly destroying report against me on behalf of my abuser and the Dean of Jersey, who you cleared of misconduct without investigation despite him having commited misconduct.
You have further proceeded to continue to threaten me by emailing me when asked to desist, you have at all times refused to go through Bob Hill who has been representing me as my mediator since April or May, and instead you intimidate and horrify me by emailing me, when, since your threats about a court order in reply to my pleas to you not to violate my life, your emails cause me severe shock and trauma and I do not read them.
You, your staff and your clergy are to refrain from ever making contact with me, and you are to refrain from publishing and circulating untruthful, defamatory and inaccurate reports, all of which, so far, omit my side of things.
I am utterly horrified to hear recently that the Church of England have, behind my back and against my wishes, violated my life and privacy, despite my warnings and pleas in the pretence of care, again. This is to cease from the instant you get this letter, and if I had not have my human rights violated repeatedly from Jersey onwards by Jane Fisher, I would have no police record and no severe psychological scarring from the brutalizations and imprisonments I have endured. You have made my life unlivable and handled me unjustly at all times, there is no excuse for any violation until my story is published and the defamatory and inaccurate reports withdrawn, and even then, help is only ever to be provided with my full consent and knowledge. Jane Fisher’s constant denial of my human rights has left me so deeply scarred that I will never feel safe again.
You do not, logically, carry out three investigations about me that exclude my side of things and humiliate and defame me and then claim any right to yet again violate my privacy and leave me terrified and humiliated and having no choice but to go on the run yet again.
I do not understand your latest stance of using the NSPCC to harass me but there is no possible reason for their involvement as I am neither a child nor a carer for a child.
Your production of the Steel report, when Dame Steel is conflicted and has produced an untruthful defamatory and inaccurate report to protect the Jersey clique has left me severely psychologically injured and with no hope at all for my future. There is only so much a human soul can take, and what you have inflicted on me solidly for eight months on top of what happened previously is more than any human being, let alone a disabled and injured homeless one, can take.
You, Bishop Tim Dakin, your safeguarding officer Jane Fisher, your staff and clergy are to immediately desist from this cruel and vicious onslaught on my life which began in March of this year and has continued without any relief and has left me desparate and deeply deeply depressed and hopeless. You will only ever be My Destroyers, you have never done anything to refute that title.
Among the damages to me in the last eight months alone are:defamation, loss of friends and support, activities, therapy, college, charity events, hope and quality of life, you have left me so desperate and hopeless and demoralized that even my best friends cannot help me and have been very concerned.
I cannot begin to imagine the reason behind your cruel, brutal and hostile onslaught into my life or your repeated production of reports and investigations that omit my side of things, what happened to me and what my true state of health is, instead you have omitted me from all reports and labelled me incorrectly as mentally ill, and have deliberately at all points omitted a complaint against your safeguarding officer, Jane Fisher, who has subjected me to constant severe psychological harm for years.
You are not to publish any further libel or distressing reports against me and you are to withdraw your damaging publications, you are not to threaten, harass or annoy me any further, nor are you to use anyone else or any other agency to harass me or deceive me further.
I have no wish to seek compensation but I will have to seek legal protection, and publicize it if your harassment of me doesn’t cease.
What should stand out glaringly in this is your have run this months-long campaign of hatred, destroyal and defamation against me, but you have consistently protected my abusers and their supporters and allowed them to defame and harm me while retaining a place in the church, while I have been left destitute, slandered, unable to seek help because of the record you have given me, and unable to trust because of the damage and defamation which has destroyed my trust and hope.
This letter is a warning, a legal letter of intent to seek legal protection in the absence of adequate police protection.
This letter is to be retained by all recipients, who are all connected to this case, for their records.
Sincerely,
Wolvsley Palace
Winchester
SO23 9ND
19/11/2013
Formal legal letter:
Dear Bishop Tim Dakin,
This is a formal legal letter, to warn you that due to the failure of Hampshire Constabulary to effectively warn you against harassing me and due to your continued harassment of me, you are to desist from harassing me, as are your clergy and staff and anyone associated with you or I will make a public legal effort to have you restrained.
You had no right to have me traced and violated in March by the same police who your safeguarding officer previously used to have me brutalized and detained for 24 hours, claiming I was insane on 14/02/2011 as I responded to her and Bishop Scott-Joynts endless violations of my privacy and human rights in Winchester.
You forced yourself into my life with humiliating and horrifying press releases which severely embarrassed and shamed me in my community and lost me friends and humiliated and isolated and shocked me, those press releases contained theoretical ‘apologies’ which were no more than PR stunts and were never backed up by genuine personal apologies and there was never any intention of doing so.
Instead you threatened me with a court order that I knew nothing about in reply to me contacting you and begging and begging for you not to do a repeat of the harassment and violation of my life by Jane Fisher and Michael Scott-Joynt that occurred in 2011 which led to them having me repeatedly brutalized by police and locked up, again I have never recovered. I had no knowledge of a court order, but why did you have me traced if I was under a court order, and why did my destroyer, Jane Fisher state to the court in Sussex that she ‘still wanted to help me’, if I was being restrained for responding to her interference? I was left knowing she could go on violating my life and that every time I responded I would be beaten and locked up and no-one would protect me, hence me going on the run and changing my name, and yet you had me traced, violated my privacy and then threatened me when I begged to be left alone! Do you, a Bishop really consider any of this just and fair? I am left as helpless as a child at the hands of a rapist, and that is indeed what this has felt like to me, it is an endless horror from which I am not allowed to escape.
You had the untruthful and defamatory Korris report published internationally and refused to remove it, and allowed your clergy in Jersey to run a smear campaign that has done severe irreparable emotional damage to me.
You refused at any time to do anything about that made it quite clear while threatening me and also allowing this defamatory report and smear campaign that you had no concern for me or my welfare whatsoever and launched on me and wrecked my life for reasons known only to yourself.
You then allowed a conflicted Judge, Dame Heather Steel, to produce an inaccurate and utterly destroying report against me on behalf of my abuser and the Dean of Jersey, who you cleared of misconduct without investigation despite him having commited misconduct.
You have further proceeded to continue to threaten me by emailing me when asked to desist, you have at all times refused to go through Bob Hill who has been representing me as my mediator since April or May, and instead you intimidate and horrify me by emailing me, when, since your threats about a court order in reply to my pleas to you not to violate my life, your emails cause me severe shock and trauma and I do not read them.
You, your staff and your clergy are to refrain from ever making contact with me, and you are to refrain from publishing and circulating untruthful, defamatory and inaccurate reports, all of which, so far, omit my side of things.
I am utterly horrified to hear recently that the Church of England have, behind my back and against my wishes, violated my life and privacy, despite my warnings and pleas in the pretence of care, again. This is to cease from the instant you get this letter, and if I had not have my human rights violated repeatedly from Jersey onwards by Jane Fisher, I would have no police record and no severe psychological scarring from the brutalizations and imprisonments I have endured. You have made my life unlivable and handled me unjustly at all times, there is no excuse for any violation until my story is published and the defamatory and inaccurate reports withdrawn, and even then, help is only ever to be provided with my full consent and knowledge. Jane Fisher’s constant denial of my human rights has left me so deeply scarred that I will never feel safe again.
You do not, logically, carry out three investigations about me that exclude my side of things and humiliate and defame me and then claim any right to yet again violate my privacy and leave me terrified and humiliated and having no choice but to go on the run yet again.
I do not understand your latest stance of using the NSPCC to harass me but there is no possible reason for their involvement as I am neither a child nor a carer for a child.
Your production of the Steel report, when Dame Steel is conflicted and has produced an untruthful defamatory and inaccurate report to protect the Jersey clique has left me severely psychologically injured and with no hope at all for my future. There is only so much a human soul can take, and what you have inflicted on me solidly for eight months on top of what happened previously is more than any human being, let alone a disabled and injured homeless one, can take.
You, Bishop Tim Dakin, your safeguarding officer Jane Fisher, your staff and clergy are to immediately desist from this cruel and vicious onslaught on my life which began in March of this year and has continued without any relief and has left me desparate and deeply deeply depressed and hopeless. You will only ever be My Destroyers, you have never done anything to refute that title.
Among the damages to me in the last eight months alone are:defamation, loss of friends and support, activities, therapy, college, charity events, hope and quality of life, you have left me so desperate and hopeless and demoralized that even my best friends cannot help me and have been very concerned.
I cannot begin to imagine the reason behind your cruel, brutal and hostile onslaught into my life or your repeated production of reports and investigations that omit my side of things, what happened to me and what my true state of health is, instead you have omitted me from all reports and labelled me incorrectly as mentally ill, and have deliberately at all points omitted a complaint against your safeguarding officer, Jane Fisher, who has subjected me to constant severe psychological harm for years.
You are not to publish any further libel or distressing reports against me and you are to withdraw your damaging publications, you are not to threaten, harass or annoy me any further, nor are you to use anyone else or any other agency to harass me or deceive me further.
I have no wish to seek compensation but I will have to seek legal protection, and publicize it if your harassment of me doesn’t cease.
What should stand out glaringly in this is your have run this months-long campaign of hatred, destroyal and defamation against me, but you have consistently protected my abusers and their supporters and allowed them to defame and harm me while retaining a place in the church, while I have been left destitute, slandered, unable to seek help because of the record you have given me, and unable to trust because of the damage and defamation which has destroyed my trust and hope.
This letter is a warning, a legal letter of intent to seek legal protection in the absence of adequate police protection.
This letter is to be retained by all recipients, who are all connected to this case, for their records.
Sincerely,
wrecking ball
Hello,
I am sorry I haven't written much, I am still trying to get over the shocks of the past days.
I am pleased to see the statistics of the blog are shooting high, especially stats on the South Coast, Winchester, Chichester, Fareham, Isle of Wight, Portsmouth, all the people who need to know that Diocesan Bishops are the not-so-right Reverends sometimes, your Dakin-shaped Bishop is wrecking-ball man today :) I hope you like the sweet cartoon of him.
I will start writing again soon.
link just in http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-11-19/child-abuse-victim-manipulated-by-anglican-church/5102050
This morning the Daily Mail states that the Church of England is in danger of dying out.
Which is no bad thing.
I am sorry I haven't written much, I am still trying to get over the shocks of the past days.
I am pleased to see the statistics of the blog are shooting high, especially stats on the South Coast, Winchester, Chichester, Fareham, Isle of Wight, Portsmouth, all the people who need to know that Diocesan Bishops are the not-so-right Reverends sometimes, your Dakin-shaped Bishop is wrecking-ball man today :) I hope you like the sweet cartoon of him.
I will start writing again soon.
link just in http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-11-19/child-abuse-victim-manipulated-by-anglican-church/5102050
This morning the Daily Mail states that the Church of England is in danger of dying out.
Which is no bad thing.
Monday, 18 November 2013
a wounded soldier with no name
This is a good song for the Diocese and their blatant support of abusers and opression of victims.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ2QpfZ-mf4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ2QpfZ-mf4
What will they do next, the diocese, deceit and the NSPCC
Well on Saturday I was sent into shock when the Diocese who have destroyed me contacted me directly.
Over the last eight months they have consistently refused to go through my mediator, Bob Hill and instead have repeatedly terrified and intimidated me since threatening me in reply to me asking them not to start violating my life and having me locked up in protest as they did in 2010 and 2011 repeatedly.
So the Bishop's intimidating emails left me shocked and threatened on Saturday, and as a result I discovered that despite my warnings to the Diocese not to violate me, and their threats in return, they were indeed violating me, attempting behind my back to have me housed, even though the reason I remain homeless and on the run is because of their repeated violations of my life and police beatings and detentions in return for my protests to their involvement and my pleas to them to deal with my case, which they never have, the farce that is their highly publicized enquiry does not adress my complaints.
So, just trying to find my feet after the horror of Saturday, I start getting emails from the NSPCC of all people! emails titled 'the Winchester Diocese'.
What is the problem with that? Well:
Over the last eight months they have consistently refused to go through my mediator, Bob Hill and instead have repeatedly terrified and intimidated me since threatening me in reply to me asking them not to start violating my life and having me locked up in protest as they did in 2010 and 2011 repeatedly.
So the Bishop's intimidating emails left me shocked and threatened on Saturday, and as a result I discovered that despite my warnings to the Diocese not to violate me, and their threats in return, they were indeed violating me, attempting behind my back to have me housed, even though the reason I remain homeless and on the run is because of their repeated violations of my life and police beatings and detentions in return for my protests to their involvement and my pleas to them to deal with my case, which they never have, the farce that is their highly publicized enquiry does not adress my complaints.
So, just trying to find my feet after the horror of Saturday, I start getting emails from the NSPCC of all people! emails titled 'the Winchester Diocese'.
What is the problem with that? Well:
- The email address that they sent it to is only used for Diocese of Winchester correspondence and I had not given that email address to the NSPCC, so who had? The only one of my supporters who uses that email address is Bob Hill, and he has not asked to give that address to anyone
- Why would the NSPCC contact me, I am neither a child nor do I have children in my care, nor have I ever had children in my care.
- The Diocese have relaunched on me since they recieved the untruthful biased report which was written by Dame Steel who was acting on behalf of her colleagues, Philip Bailhache and others to clear the Dean and destroy me, the Diocese were aware of the conflict of interests and allowed Steel to proceed
- The diocese have not at any point showed any concern for my welfare, and made it clear through threats, that they villify me too, their recent attacks on my life, especially through the NSPCC are either to prevent my side being heard and villify me further or to pretend to the press that they attempted to provide for me and I turned them down, omitting of course that they refused to communicate through my mediator, intimidated me, and decided very much at the last minute, ie this weekend that they 'cared' about me.
I have made another complaint of harassment to the same police who repeatedly harmed me for the Diocese, but of course they wont do anything, they will brutalize someone with autism for one behalf of a Bishop who failed in his duty of care, but they wont protect someone with autism from the same diocese continuing to destroy her.
If you want to know more of what the diocese have done to harm me, you need to have a read through the older posts on this blog, it is far from complete but it would help if more people hear me.
I am so ill with stress that it is hard to write.
Sunday, 17 November 2013
Harassment from the the Diocese of Winchester
During this year and in 2011 as the Diocese of Winchester have harrassed and provoked me, I have made a number of complaints to Hampshire Constabulary about the Diocese, but not one has been taken seriously and the harassment has continued unchecked and destroyed me further and further.
The Diocese repeatedly had me beaten and locked up for bringing my complaint of abuse and cover up to them and for responding to their violation of my life and interference in my personal business and defamation of me in order to cover their own backs.
But the police have repeatedly refused a complaint against them.
So the police are only there to silence the vulnerable for the powerful? Brutally and unfairly without being prepared to protect the vulnerable from the interventions of the powerful?
The Diocese repeatedly had me beaten and locked up for bringing my complaint of abuse and cover up to them and for responding to their violation of my life and interference in my personal business and defamation of me in order to cover their own backs.
But the police have repeatedly refused a complaint against them.
So the police are only there to silence the vulnerable for the powerful? Brutally and unfairly without being prepared to protect the vulnerable from the interventions of the powerful?
grim tale
Here is a grim website, but it explains some of the Jersey way.
http://lifeonchildreninthemix.com/JERSEY_CHILD_ABUSE_SCANDAL.html
I think the reason the Diocese of Winchester have launched on me and are threatening me is because I am speaking up, and that is upsetting their cover-up.
They are now obliged to villify me for Jersey in order to be out of Jersey's bad books, hence using Dame Steel to destroy me.
http://lifeonchildreninthemix.com/JERSEY_CHILD_ABUSE_SCANDAL.html
I think the reason the Diocese of Winchester have launched on me and are threatening me is because I am speaking up, and that is upsetting their cover-up.
They are now obliged to villify me for Jersey in order to be out of Jersey's bad books, hence using Dame Steel to destroy me.
Retweet 1000
'Stop the Diocese of Winchester from destroying abuse survivors'
Has been re-tweeted to very nearly a thousand people within an hour.
I have a feeling that my death is not going to be in vain,
and it is the first time I have felt that with confidence.
Has been re-tweeted to very nearly a thousand people within an hour.
I have a feeling that my death is not going to be in vain,
and it is the first time I have felt that with confidence.
odds and ends
Good afternoon.
Well the blog stats shot over 2000 overnight, a lot of genuine stats are not showing on feedjit but are showing on blogger.
Tony's blog has a good post today.
I emailed the Bishop of Winchester cc the police today: Short but to the point, I hope.
Thank you to those who have been retweeting me, my message is being retweeted to hundreds of people.
If the Diocese of Winchester want a fight to the death, they are going to damn well get one.
Let the sacrifice of my life break their evil and their power and ensure that abuse victims are protected forever.
They have no voice. I speak for them.
Well the blog stats shot over 2000 overnight, a lot of genuine stats are not showing on feedjit but are showing on blogger.
Tony's blog has a good post today.
I emailed the Bishop of Winchester cc the police today: Short but to the point, I hope.
'Bishop,
if you are going to send threatening emails send them to the police and get yourself put away, harassing me does indeed anger and wound me, but what exactly is your sadism achieving except provoking me?'Thank you to those who have been retweeting me, my message is being retweeted to hundreds of people.
If the Diocese of Winchester want a fight to the death, they are going to damn well get one.
Let the sacrifice of my life break their evil and their power and ensure that abuse victims are protected forever.
They have no voice. I speak for them.
Letters welcome
Thank you to the two people who have written to the Diocese and sent me a copy of the letter/email for my blog.
anyone else writing to the Diocese is very welcome to send me a copy for the blog.
And remember to keep a copy for your records for when the inevitable happens.
The Diocese of Winchester have been so much more than a thorn in my flesh for such a very long time, but the thing is, when I was fighting them alone, I was an easy target and they destroyed me very effectively, and this year, when they sadistically came back for more, I do not think they expected any resistance, I guess they would have hoped my suicide to be a in May at the latest, but it is November now, and I have lived to see some of the beautiful cold autumn, and I am grateful to God, although I have suffered more than a human being should be able to bear.
anyone else writing to the Diocese is very welcome to send me a copy for the blog.
And remember to keep a copy for your records for when the inevitable happens.
The Diocese of Winchester have been so much more than a thorn in my flesh for such a very long time, but the thing is, when I was fighting them alone, I was an easy target and they destroyed me very effectively, and this year, when they sadistically came back for more, I do not think they expected any resistance, I guess they would have hoped my suicide to be a in May at the latest, but it is November now, and I have lived to see some of the beautiful cold autumn, and I am grateful to God, although I have suffered more than a human being should be able to bear.
This post is guest post, a letter sent to the diocese of Winchester by one of the people who has heard about what has happened to me, this was sent to me as a comment one one of my blog posts, so I have re-posted it here
Our small group of American women who support survivors of Jersey's institutional child abuse have been aware for some time of the plight of HG, the vulnerable young woman abused by the Church of England Deacon, a man who was already known by other Church leaders to use his position to prey on women.
We have followed HG's abuse story and subsequent further cruel mistreatment and have been horrified. First, we were shocked at the story of how her complaints of the original Church abuse were mishandled and ignored as annoying to the Dean in Jersey, then outraged by the way she was picked up by police in her nightclothes, imprisoned without bail, and given an utterly "choiceless" choice of deportation from Jersey in Pyjamas, arriving in the UK with no money or home or support.
Nothing about the way she has been treated by the Church in Jersey or higher up, or anyone associated with Jersey's Ian Le Marquand or Senator Bailhache since this came to light, gives us any confidence in Any government or Church intentions.
It is a simple thing to google autism if you do not understand how overwhelming and cruelly intimidating your attempted contacts must seem to her. Have you made a good faith effort to understand what might be best for her? Have you contacted Autism organizations or her friend Mr Bob Hill, former Deputy of Jersey and retired MET Police Officer, for help in making some kind of amends to HG? I believe Mr Hill is the person HG had chosen to serve as her contact person, because of her clearly stated trauma over being directly contacted by the Church of England. Your own copies of those reports, perhaps the confidential reports Sir Phillip Bailhache was seen reading on a public flight, should show the diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Unfortunately, that was probably exacerbated by the inaccurate and humiliating false disclosure in the Jersey mainstream media and Church circles of some type of mental illness. HG was not diagnosed as mentally ill, although I suspect many healthy people would be after such mistreatment and now almost chronic homelessness.
May I remind you that this woman was, until her abuse started, an employed woman with an apartment, friends with whom she enjoyed sailing, surfing, hiking and picnics on a regular basis. She had a functioning support system which was dissolved by circumstances the Church was largely responsible for. As you know, she has since endured stretches of time living on the streets, and has for only intermittent periods of time, been able to secure temporary safe quarters.
The level of conflict of interest involving Dame Heather and the tiny circle of defenders of the original guilty Church parties involved do not inspire any confidence whatsoever outside of Jersey, where a growing number of people are sympathetic to HG's plight. There's been far too much political maneuvering between this Sir Phillip (who has the appearance of controlling both Jersey's Church and government) and the higher levels of the Church of England. Not one of the reports, visits, or meetings has yet provided HG with any relief from what is now a sheer terror of Church officials, Jersey officials and strangers in general.
If you would like to do the right thing as Christians, I suggest you resist the dysfunctional, feudal Jersey Church culture which led to dismissing this woman's plight and take advice from kinder people, the ones HG understandably trusts. It would be ridiculous if her supporters, now active in multiple countries, were forced to do your jobs of setting this right for her, because of someone's utterly uncharitable political sensitivities.
Regards,
Leigh LaFon
Denver, Colorado, USA
We have followed HG's abuse story and subsequent further cruel mistreatment and have been horrified. First, we were shocked at the story of how her complaints of the original Church abuse were mishandled and ignored as annoying to the Dean in Jersey, then outraged by the way she was picked up by police in her nightclothes, imprisoned without bail, and given an utterly "choiceless" choice of deportation from Jersey in Pyjamas, arriving in the UK with no money or home or support.
Nothing about the way she has been treated by the Church in Jersey or higher up, or anyone associated with Jersey's Ian Le Marquand or Senator Bailhache since this came to light, gives us any confidence in Any government or Church intentions.
It is a simple thing to google autism if you do not understand how overwhelming and cruelly intimidating your attempted contacts must seem to her. Have you made a good faith effort to understand what might be best for her? Have you contacted Autism organizations or her friend Mr Bob Hill, former Deputy of Jersey and retired MET Police Officer, for help in making some kind of amends to HG? I believe Mr Hill is the person HG had chosen to serve as her contact person, because of her clearly stated trauma over being directly contacted by the Church of England. Your own copies of those reports, perhaps the confidential reports Sir Phillip Bailhache was seen reading on a public flight, should show the diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Unfortunately, that was probably exacerbated by the inaccurate and humiliating false disclosure in the Jersey mainstream media and Church circles of some type of mental illness. HG was not diagnosed as mentally ill, although I suspect many healthy people would be after such mistreatment and now almost chronic homelessness.
May I remind you that this woman was, until her abuse started, an employed woman with an apartment, friends with whom she enjoyed sailing, surfing, hiking and picnics on a regular basis. She had a functioning support system which was dissolved by circumstances the Church was largely responsible for. As you know, she has since endured stretches of time living on the streets, and has for only intermittent periods of time, been able to secure temporary safe quarters.
The level of conflict of interest involving Dame Heather and the tiny circle of defenders of the original guilty Church parties involved do not inspire any confidence whatsoever outside of Jersey, where a growing number of people are sympathetic to HG's plight. There's been far too much political maneuvering between this Sir Phillip (who has the appearance of controlling both Jersey's Church and government) and the higher levels of the Church of England. Not one of the reports, visits, or meetings has yet provided HG with any relief from what is now a sheer terror of Church officials, Jersey officials and strangers in general.
If you would like to do the right thing as Christians, I suggest you resist the dysfunctional, feudal Jersey Church culture which led to dismissing this woman's plight and take advice from kinder people, the ones HG understandably trusts. It would be ridiculous if her supporters, now active in multiple countries, were forced to do your jobs of setting this right for her, because of someone's utterly uncharitable political sensitivities.
Regards,
Leigh LaFon
Denver, Colorado, USA
waiting
1.30am, I haven't really recovered from the shocks of Saturday afternoon.
Finding the Bishop in the trash can, threatening me again.
Knowing that probably the problem is that the Bishop's puppet-master, Jane Fisher, who was puppet-master to the last one, is not liking the increased publicity, so she is pulling the Bishop's strings to threaten me, which shows she hasn't learned a thing in 5 years, the Diocese of Winchester are going to kill me, at this late stage there is no doubt my life will be lost because of physical or emotional damage done by this senseless war, but I will die fighting and I consider this the last battle so I will be fighting with what I have got left.
These days i do not sleep much, and the world is not a very interesting place any more, all that is left is this senseless half-a-million-pound-destroyal of me, and it is ironic, I have never had that much money in my life and am not worth it, and they have wasted that much on destroying me.
I am guessing they will try and capture and beat me again soon, as the publicity is not doing them any good, and I hope the capture leads to more bad publicity for them.
As for me, I am waiting for God to say that I can go.To be free of what was in the end, a painful and suffering ordeal of a life, which went on too long.
Here is a song for the battle with the last of my spirit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcKoYGNj0BU
Finding the Bishop in the trash can, threatening me again.
Knowing that probably the problem is that the Bishop's puppet-master, Jane Fisher, who was puppet-master to the last one, is not liking the increased publicity, so she is pulling the Bishop's strings to threaten me, which shows she hasn't learned a thing in 5 years, the Diocese of Winchester are going to kill me, at this late stage there is no doubt my life will be lost because of physical or emotional damage done by this senseless war, but I will die fighting and I consider this the last battle so I will be fighting with what I have got left.
These days i do not sleep much, and the world is not a very interesting place any more, all that is left is this senseless half-a-million-pound-destroyal of me, and it is ironic, I have never had that much money in my life and am not worth it, and they have wasted that much on destroying me.
I am guessing they will try and capture and beat me again soon, as the publicity is not doing them any good, and I hope the capture leads to more bad publicity for them.
As for me, I am waiting for God to say that I can go.To be free of what was in the end, a painful and suffering ordeal of a life, which went on too long.
Here is a song for the battle with the last of my spirit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcKoYGNj0BU
Saturday, 16 November 2013
I'm liking the comments on Rico's blog tonight, we have someone who understands autism and is explaining it, being understood is so rare, it is like an oasis in a desert.
It is the latest clutch of comments that are so helpful.
http://ricosorda.blogspot.co.uk/
It is the latest clutch of comments that are so helpful.
http://ricosorda.blogspot.co.uk/
The Bishop of Winchester decided to relaunch his efforts against me today, this was my reply by email cc the police who consistently refuse to do anything to protect me, excuse the spelling error!
STOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOSTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MEP HARASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING MESTOP HARRASSING ME
Bishops, fat people who ignore abuse.
Thoughts provoked by media this morning.
What if Bishops, those high up in the big houses and with all the power, started talking the issues of abuse of children and vulnerable adults.
By tackling I do not mean spouting off in the media, glorifying themselves or reluctantly facing the hundreds of abuse and misconduct complaints that they receive.
It would be better for their souls than their usual routines of pomp and high profile fattening dinners.
The Day Bishops start actively helping abuse victims, making proper provision for their welfare and recovery, and dealing with the abusers openly, then things will change.
I am not talking about my case. I am talking about in general.
The problem is, a lot of abusers are high profile and protected, as in my case, both of my abusers had the right connections and neither were dealt with by the church.
What if Bishops, those high up in the big houses and with all the power, started talking the issues of abuse of children and vulnerable adults.
By tackling I do not mean spouting off in the media, glorifying themselves or reluctantly facing the hundreds of abuse and misconduct complaints that they receive.
It would be better for their souls than their usual routines of pomp and high profile fattening dinners.
The Day Bishops start actively helping abuse victims, making proper provision for their welfare and recovery, and dealing with the abusers openly, then things will change.
I am not talking about my case. I am talking about in general.
The problem is, a lot of abusers are high profile and protected, as in my case, both of my abusers had the right connections and neither were dealt with by the church.
Friday, 15 November 2013
Paradise Island 2
I was just meditating on my post about Jersey yesterday, and I feel the need to add, Jersey is not all bad, of course. In fact I was fond of Jersey.
I loved the North Coast, and I used to scare the life out of people by free-climbing the cliffs there alone, ok, it was stupid of me, but I loved rock climbing, I also spent many happy hours up at Corbiere on the rocks there and behind the Highlands hotel. I loved St.Ouen's bay, the most beautiful place on earth. And although I was never a good surfer because of the weakness in my right leg, I loved boogie boarding and running on the hard sand and sitting in my car on a spring tide, watching the waves crash over the sea wall.
And Jersey was very photogenic, I spent many hours doing photography in Jersey and also on Sark and Guernsey, but sadly most of my work has been lost.
My other favourite place in Jersey was Grev d'Azette and Green Island, many happy hours there, picnics with my little group, climbing up the island, bacon rolls, and walking Algie the rug, a bearded collie who liked to go in the sea and end up like a wet mop and stink my car out :) ah, yes, those were good days. Oh, and I must not forget low water fishing and cooking what we caught, those were happy times.
My other joy, my main joy, in Jersey, was sailing, dinghy sailing and racing on the bay, and sailing the bigger boats over to France and the other islands, I was so happy out on the water. It is still catastrophic to me that I lost my on little boat.
I have been offered several chances of returning to Jersey to lodge but I decided it was not going to help me in the long term, it is not a safe place for me and would be too traumatic, Jersey is nice to visit but we decided I need to stay here.
I was talking about the bad side of Jersey in my previous post, and I remembered today how I used to sit with a former police officer (not Bob Hill) and talk about the problems Jersey had, and although at the time I still didn't know how bad the problems in Jersey were, I knew Jersey had problems.
One of the things that this former police officer, (who was a lovely man who had been dealt a bad hand in life), talked about, and we agreed. That Jersey is being built on far too much, and even while I was there, I saw so much building, and so much roadworks causing chaos, and the former policeman told me that it was all about money, and that building was being done where building should not be done.
I guess the cliffs of the North coast and the dunes of St. Ouens bay cannot be built on, but there is less and less green open space in Jersey, and it used to make me sad.
In many ways I am glad I am not in Jersey. But that does not mean I should have been forced to leave as I was.
I loved the North Coast, and I used to scare the life out of people by free-climbing the cliffs there alone, ok, it was stupid of me, but I loved rock climbing, I also spent many happy hours up at Corbiere on the rocks there and behind the Highlands hotel. I loved St.Ouen's bay, the most beautiful place on earth. And although I was never a good surfer because of the weakness in my right leg, I loved boogie boarding and running on the hard sand and sitting in my car on a spring tide, watching the waves crash over the sea wall.
And Jersey was very photogenic, I spent many hours doing photography in Jersey and also on Sark and Guernsey, but sadly most of my work has been lost.
My other favourite place in Jersey was Grev d'Azette and Green Island, many happy hours there, picnics with my little group, climbing up the island, bacon rolls, and walking Algie the rug, a bearded collie who liked to go in the sea and end up like a wet mop and stink my car out :) ah, yes, those were good days. Oh, and I must not forget low water fishing and cooking what we caught, those were happy times.
My other joy, my main joy, in Jersey, was sailing, dinghy sailing and racing on the bay, and sailing the bigger boats over to France and the other islands, I was so happy out on the water. It is still catastrophic to me that I lost my on little boat.
I have been offered several chances of returning to Jersey to lodge but I decided it was not going to help me in the long term, it is not a safe place for me and would be too traumatic, Jersey is nice to visit but we decided I need to stay here.
I was talking about the bad side of Jersey in my previous post, and I remembered today how I used to sit with a former police officer (not Bob Hill) and talk about the problems Jersey had, and although at the time I still didn't know how bad the problems in Jersey were, I knew Jersey had problems.
One of the things that this former police officer, (who was a lovely man who had been dealt a bad hand in life), talked about, and we agreed. That Jersey is being built on far too much, and even while I was there, I saw so much building, and so much roadworks causing chaos, and the former policeman told me that it was all about money, and that building was being done where building should not be done.
I guess the cliffs of the North coast and the dunes of St. Ouens bay cannot be built on, but there is less and less green open space in Jersey, and it used to make me sad.
In many ways I am glad I am not in Jersey. But that does not mean I should have been forced to leave as I was.
Thursday, 14 November 2013
Paradise Island
http://voiceforchildren.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/no-body-remains.html?showComment=1297173516052#c4689325376844778442
Because Jersey is just a sunny island where everything is happy.
Sadly Jersey isn't.
Jersey, which portrays itself as a democracy, but behind the scenes, the finance industry and a group of politician/judiciary crossovers, run the island to suit themselves.
Jersey isn't a land of lovely brown cows, there are only a few herds left, and I remember a whole herd being moved down to the port to be shipped to England, there are only a few farms left and poorly-treated immigrants work the land and farm the potatoes, so far removed from the wealthy politicians and finance workers who run and ruin the island.
The south of the island is very built up, I was shocked when I first saw Jersey and the miles of buildings, this was not the beautiful island that is portrayed in brochures. The dusty and ugly St. Helier and the run down gloom of First Tower.
There is still some physical beauty to Jersey, but it is no idyllic island paradise, it is a finance centre.
Jersey has had a number of 'problems' over the years, that have come to the surface like infections, and which have been swiftly covered up. And undoubtedly further problems which have never come to the surface, mainly because you risk your job and your quality of life if you speak up in Jersey, and most of the injured parties are vulnerable.
Haute de la Garrenne hit the headlines, much to the dismay of the little clique who run Jersey, and they made fools of themselves trying to cover up and trying to change what had happened and play it down, and eventually the publicity died down and the 'Jersey Way' kicked in and closed the whole matter down, apart from the bloggers continuing to question it.
Victoria College had a problem with abuse, but again it was handled 'The Jersey Way' and silenced. Again the same little clique were involved.
There was also the case of serial rapist Vicar, Peter Manford. The problem with Jersey when it comes to abuse in the church is that the Diocese of Winchester hear nothing, see nothing, and wont get involved, because they have no power over their clergy in Jersey, and the churches and the politicians/judiciary who run the island are deeply interconnected. So it all gets squashed, the Jersey way.
My complaint against the churchwarden was handled the 'Jersey Way' and he remained in positions in church and I was left homeless and destroyed.
Jersey manages to get away with a lot, and does not provide adequate welfare, protection and education to the less well off.
I remember an 11 year old who was at First Tower School, who was not dyslexic but she could hardly read or write, and recently a teacher who shot a pupil in the face with a starting pistol and didn't even ensure he was medically examined, was allowed back to work.
The police Force are less than honest and more than a bit heavy handed.
And the housing system is bad, expensive, and for migrant workers, non-qualified people and people in poverty, the housing can be in a shocking condition and the landlords/ladies often treat tenants like animals, not allowing any privacy and rifling through tenants private posessions.
Those who think Jersey is a lovely little island, and the 'honeymoon island', behind the scenes, it is not always a lovely place to live. The reality is a bit different from the holiday.
Because Jersey is just a sunny island where everything is happy.
Sadly Jersey isn't.
Jersey, which portrays itself as a democracy, but behind the scenes, the finance industry and a group of politician/judiciary crossovers, run the island to suit themselves.
Jersey isn't a land of lovely brown cows, there are only a few herds left, and I remember a whole herd being moved down to the port to be shipped to England, there are only a few farms left and poorly-treated immigrants work the land and farm the potatoes, so far removed from the wealthy politicians and finance workers who run and ruin the island.
The south of the island is very built up, I was shocked when I first saw Jersey and the miles of buildings, this was not the beautiful island that is portrayed in brochures. The dusty and ugly St. Helier and the run down gloom of First Tower.
There is still some physical beauty to Jersey, but it is no idyllic island paradise, it is a finance centre.
Jersey has had a number of 'problems' over the years, that have come to the surface like infections, and which have been swiftly covered up. And undoubtedly further problems which have never come to the surface, mainly because you risk your job and your quality of life if you speak up in Jersey, and most of the injured parties are vulnerable.
Haute de la Garrenne hit the headlines, much to the dismay of the little clique who run Jersey, and they made fools of themselves trying to cover up and trying to change what had happened and play it down, and eventually the publicity died down and the 'Jersey Way' kicked in and closed the whole matter down, apart from the bloggers continuing to question it.
Victoria College had a problem with abuse, but again it was handled 'The Jersey Way' and silenced. Again the same little clique were involved.
There was also the case of serial rapist Vicar, Peter Manford. The problem with Jersey when it comes to abuse in the church is that the Diocese of Winchester hear nothing, see nothing, and wont get involved, because they have no power over their clergy in Jersey, and the churches and the politicians/judiciary who run the island are deeply interconnected. So it all gets squashed, the Jersey way.
My complaint against the churchwarden was handled the 'Jersey Way' and he remained in positions in church and I was left homeless and destroyed.
Jersey manages to get away with a lot, and does not provide adequate welfare, protection and education to the less well off.
I remember an 11 year old who was at First Tower School, who was not dyslexic but she could hardly read or write, and recently a teacher who shot a pupil in the face with a starting pistol and didn't even ensure he was medically examined, was allowed back to work.
The police Force are less than honest and more than a bit heavy handed.
And the housing system is bad, expensive, and for migrant workers, non-qualified people and people in poverty, the housing can be in a shocking condition and the landlords/ladies often treat tenants like animals, not allowing any privacy and rifling through tenants private posessions.
Those who think Jersey is a lovely little island, and the 'honeymoon island', behind the scenes, it is not always a lovely place to live. The reality is a bit different from the holiday.
Revolutionizing the church of England. Unheard of changes.
The church of England needs the following:
Anti-discrimination and anti-bullying policies and procedures. Why will this be revolutionary? Well the Church of England contains such deeply ingrained prejudice and narrowmindedness that trying to teach the old ladies not to call people with autism 'mentally retarded', and changing that whole attitude to the poor and vulnerable will cause outcry and outrage.
They are so used to that attitude that they cannot see themselves as doing anything wrong.
But, the very simple thing is. Their attitude is not Jesus' attitude, and is that not a good enough reason to change?
As I write this, I remember a lady Vicar spouting and pouting about 'The Bible being sexist', Oh my! Get over yourself! What a thing to sit and complain about at Bible study! If you don't like it, then what are you doing there!
I do not see the Bible as sexist at all :) I think the Bible is great! I just wish the Church of England would read it and apply it, rather than trying to change it to suit themselves.
Here endeth the lesson.
The church of England do need a proper set of ethics for clergy; and excluding vulnerable people from clergy houses is not an ethic, it is a discrimination on the par of the description above of the old ladies calling someone with autism 'mentally retarded', it is a hurtful and isolating discrimination.
Instead of scapegoating the vulnerable and making them into a burden, the church should be being Christians and ensuring vulnerable people have strength, an advocate in each church and inclusion.
The church of England needs the following:
Anti-discrimination and anti-bullying policies and procedures. Why will this be revolutionary? Well the Church of England contains such deeply ingrained prejudice and narrowmindedness that trying to teach the old ladies not to call people with autism 'mentally retarded', and changing that whole attitude to the poor and vulnerable will cause outcry and outrage.
They are so used to that attitude that they cannot see themselves as doing anything wrong.
But, the very simple thing is. Their attitude is not Jesus' attitude, and is that not a good enough reason to change?
As I write this, I remember a lady Vicar spouting and pouting about 'The Bible being sexist', Oh my! Get over yourself! What a thing to sit and complain about at Bible study! If you don't like it, then what are you doing there!
I do not see the Bible as sexist at all :) I think the Bible is great! I just wish the Church of England would read it and apply it, rather than trying to change it to suit themselves.
Here endeth the lesson.
The church of England do need a proper set of ethics for clergy; and excluding vulnerable people from clergy houses is not an ethic, it is a discrimination on the par of the description above of the old ladies calling someone with autism 'mentally retarded', it is a hurtful and isolating discrimination.
Instead of scapegoating the vulnerable and making them into a burden, the church should be being Christians and ensuring vulnerable people have strength, an advocate in each church and inclusion.
more hot air than a heating grate, and I like heating grates. This was all the news and I was blissfully oblivious
http://www.
These are some of the links to the silly, frilly, insincere public apologies, which the Bishop and Archbishop refused to follow up with personal ones, although the Bishop untruthfully told the press that he did. No wonder a report has been done that does not include my side of things, this publicity stunt that went wrong has cost them and made them look bad.
telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/9919405/Archbishop-of-Canterbury-offers-personal-apology-to-victim-over-abuse-claims.html …
…dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2290704/Archbishop-Canterbury-offers-personal-apology-victim-abused-cleric-badly-let-church-investigation.html …
These are some of the links to the silly, frilly, insincere public apologies, which the Bishop and Archbishop refused to follow up with personal ones, although the Bishop untruthfully told the press that he did. No wonder a report has been done that does not include my side of things, this publicity stunt that went wrong has cost them and made them look bad.
telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/9919405/Archbishop-of-Canterbury-offers-personal-apology-to-victim-over-abuse-claims.html …
…dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2290704/Archbishop-Canterbury-offers-personal-apology-victim-abused-cleric-badly-let-church-investigation.html …
The comments on Bob's blog are throwing up some interesting things, very interesting.
I still do not know what a pneumatic is, but it is good to know that there are people reading and understanding that I am not just the villian that Bailhache, LeMarquand, Willing and Steel and the rest of them make me out to be on Bob Key's behalf.
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/jeseys-dean-deputy-mike-higgins-oral.html#comment-form
I still do not know what a pneumatic is, but it is good to know that there are people reading and understanding that I am not just the villian that Bailhache, LeMarquand, Willing and Steel and the rest of them make me out to be on Bob Key's behalf.
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/jeseys-dean-deputy-mike-higgins-oral.html#comment-form
Good morning,
another bout of debilitating pain is crippling me at the moment, so I will try to write but am a bit lacking in concentration.
I hope that those who are linking to the Wanderer blog are finding it interesting, it was interesting for me to relive it as I read it through in the last few days.
I apparently asked the Hope Of Survivors if they had any information on Pastoral Care boundaries recently, I don't remember doing so but I have seen my email to them and I have had a reply, this is a link to their advice to clergy.
http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com/are_you_a_pastor.php
In case you are wondering, I am not anti-church in any way, and I do like to go to church but due to attachment disorder and autism and life experience, I do not respond well to being intensely helped by church members, and I am honest about that, and if I go to a church I am honest about my circumstances and also honest in telling them that close involvement will not help as I get distressed.
The current two churches that I attend do not get closely involved with me but I am as much part of the fellowship as anyone, and that is clearly what works best with me.
I have a feeling I asked about guidelines in Pastoral care because they seem to be surprisingly lacking in places like the Diocese of Winchester. Who step in and close the door after the horse has bolted but do not appear to provide any solid guidance or supervision.
another bout of debilitating pain is crippling me at the moment, so I will try to write but am a bit lacking in concentration.
I hope that those who are linking to the Wanderer blog are finding it interesting, it was interesting for me to relive it as I read it through in the last few days.
I apparently asked the Hope Of Survivors if they had any information on Pastoral Care boundaries recently, I don't remember doing so but I have seen my email to them and I have had a reply, this is a link to their advice to clergy.
http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com/are_you_a_pastor.php
In case you are wondering, I am not anti-church in any way, and I do like to go to church but due to attachment disorder and autism and life experience, I do not respond well to being intensely helped by church members, and I am honest about that, and if I go to a church I am honest about my circumstances and also honest in telling them that close involvement will not help as I get distressed.
The current two churches that I attend do not get closely involved with me but I am as much part of the fellowship as anyone, and that is clearly what works best with me.
I have a feeling I asked about guidelines in Pastoral care because they seem to be surprisingly lacking in places like the Diocese of Winchester. Who step in and close the door after the horse has bolted but do not appear to provide any solid guidance or supervision.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
The Wanderer
Welcome to The Wanderer, I have decided to be brave and share it with you.
Remember it is written by someone on the autism spectrum in distress and living a very unstable lifestyle on the streets.
The Wanderer started in October 2011 as a combined day to day and historic blog called 'Homeless' and was divided into the day to day blog 'The Wanderer' and the historic blog 'Homeless' in 2012.
I am only sharing 'The Wanderer' today. I may share 'Homeless' at a different point.
I have been evaluating the wanderer, and the page you land on from the link is the final page of the two years blog, and it looks a bit scrappy, but that is because the blog was ending and my attention has been on the Dame steel destroyal of me. I urge you to start with the 2011-2012 part of the blog, the high adventure and the grief of the church.
Introduction:
Started as a suicide note after being destroyed by the church of england, the blog itself became a lifeline and shows my progression from deeply traumatized to more settled and the tragic re-intervention of the Church of England in the end which undid the rebuild of my life and left me unsettled and alienated by people who heard the church of england's smears about me. It was inevitable that the Church of England would come after me, they are vengeful, and as you will see throughout the blog, I lived in fear of this happening.
Remember it is written by someone on the autism spectrum in distress and living a very unstable lifestyle on the streets.
The Wanderer started in October 2011 as a combined day to day and historic blog called 'Homeless' and was divided into the day to day blog 'The Wanderer' and the historic blog 'Homeless' in 2012.
I am only sharing 'The Wanderer' today. I may share 'Homeless' at a different point.
I have been evaluating the wanderer, and the page you land on from the link is the final page of the two years blog, and it looks a bit scrappy, but that is because the blog was ending and my attention has been on the Dame steel destroyal of me. I urge you to start with the 2011-2012 part of the blog, the high adventure and the grief of the church.
Introduction:
Started as a suicide note after being destroyed by the church of england, the blog itself became a lifeline and shows my progression from deeply traumatized to more settled and the tragic re-intervention of the Church of England in the end which undid the rebuild of my life and left me unsettled and alienated by people who heard the church of england's smears about me. It was inevitable that the Church of England would come after me, they are vengeful, and as you will see throughout the blog, I lived in fear of this happening.
In May 2013 there are a number of desparate and bizarre posts as I suffered once again at the hands of the church of England and considered suicide, I considered deleting these posts but decided to leave them.
This blog shows a clear inside view of an unusual life on the streets.
In the earliest part of the blog, a number of mentions are made of me writing about my life and the church in this blog, and I did, when this blog was originally called 'Homeless', but what happened was, I decided to separate the writing about my past and the church of England from this blog as the blog became top heavy and complicated with both historic and day to day posts, and was confusing some people, thus, this blog, 'The Wanderer' took the day to day posts, and almost all the historic posts are in another blog called 'Homeless' which is currently offline, but for the first year of this blog you can read my deep distress about the church of England, before I begin to recover and bit, just to have them launch on me.
Both in this blog and 'Homeless' all real names are changed, converted to initials or omitted, both people's names and place names, for security and privacy and to keep me from being traced.
To fully understand 'The Wanderer' It is best started from the beginning in October 2011and read backwards to October this year, although that is harder than it sounds, and you have to know how blog archives work in order to do it.
This blog is dedicated to V. who is an angel and a shining light in the darkness, and to all my street brothers and sisters and everyone who has helped us, it has been an amazing and incredible adventure.
The Wanderer:
Tuesday, 12 November 2013
Written on 28/11/2011 in my homeless blog, I am really pleased with this and to read and recall a lot of what I wrote back then
The more I hear of the church the more I wonder what on earth the future of the world is when people go into the church to escape the evil of the world and be safe and in church the evil is very much present but disguised, sanctioned, excused and covered up in a way that it isn't in any other organisation or place in the world, the church have complete policy systems and laws to cover up and to protect the church from liability, these laws also protect the abusers, but the victims are the people who are not protected or helped or acknowledged except in a certain way that is also done to protect the church.
The unheard scream is 'where is Jesus in all this', and if the church should chance to hear this scream they respond with finger wagging lectures about 'forgiveness' and reproaches, as if that is any sort of answer.
when are things going to change? My wish, and my dying wish if I don't survive the way the church have crippled me and left me invalidated as a person is that the church should lose their right to be exclusive, that they are audited on abuse cases and misconducts by organizations outside the church, they will scream about that being unfair because of prejudice and secular organizations being against them, but isn't it better for this destroyal of lives by the church systems to stop? To me a human life is the most valuable thing on this earth, and a vulnerable life should be protected, but the church, who are supposedly following Christ, place no value at all on a vulnerable human life when it comes to the matter of abuse and the issue of the church protecting themselves against scandal.
Isn't it time that the church are no longer immune from legal actiions due to their status, and are no longer treated as being truthful and righteous when they are not being, time they were no longer allowed to be such a big voice that they drown out the smaller voices of abuse victims who try to stand up to them?
I want to see all this change, I want victims to no longer be shamed into silence, and the church that is part of the government in this country should be held to account just as other government departments supposedly would be if their staff had hundreds of abuse and misconduct allegations made against them every month, and especially as the church themselves are not actually practicing what they preach each week, are not following Christ's teachings, Christ Himself was homeless, poor, wounded by the church of the day, He didn't live in a palace and have servants and a big salary. The church will cry out that secular intervention would be 'prejudiced' and 'damaging to the faith', but that is indeed what their own policies and procedures towards abuse are anyway.
I will continue this another time. I am sleepy.
The unheard scream is 'where is Jesus in all this', and if the church should chance to hear this scream they respond with finger wagging lectures about 'forgiveness' and reproaches, as if that is any sort of answer.
when are things going to change? My wish, and my dying wish if I don't survive the way the church have crippled me and left me invalidated as a person is that the church should lose their right to be exclusive, that they are audited on abuse cases and misconducts by organizations outside the church, they will scream about that being unfair because of prejudice and secular organizations being against them, but isn't it better for this destroyal of lives by the church systems to stop? To me a human life is the most valuable thing on this earth, and a vulnerable life should be protected, but the church, who are supposedly following Christ, place no value at all on a vulnerable human life when it comes to the matter of abuse and the issue of the church protecting themselves against scandal.
Isn't it time that the church are no longer immune from legal actiions due to their status, and are no longer treated as being truthful and righteous when they are not being, time they were no longer allowed to be such a big voice that they drown out the smaller voices of abuse victims who try to stand up to them?
I want to see all this change, I want victims to no longer be shamed into silence, and the church that is part of the government in this country should be held to account just as other government departments supposedly would be if their staff had hundreds of abuse and misconduct allegations made against them every month, and especially as the church themselves are not actually practicing what they preach each week, are not following Christ's teachings, Christ Himself was homeless, poor, wounded by the church of the day, He didn't live in a palace and have servants and a big salary. The church will cry out that secular intervention would be 'prejudiced' and 'damaging to the faith', but that is indeed what their own policies and procedures towards abuse are anyway.
I will continue this another time. I am sleepy.
Monday, 11 November 2013
Good evening,
Sorry I am still not posting much. Bob Hill has a new blog today, if you want to catch up on his view on things, of course I tend not to read his blogs in full as they re-traumatize me, but I do join in the discussion on the comments board. Not reading the blog but commenting on the comments means I am sharing my own perspective with everyone, no matter what the blog says.
Bob's view of what happened is sometimes different from mine, but it is nice to get an outside perspective isn't it? I have no influence over Bob, oh no, he is as stubborn as a mule, won't be deterred from speaking out. Bob tends to focus on the Jersey side of things and does not include before or since. But that is because he is one of Jersey's independent media.
I am, as you can see, adding links at the side of my blog, mainly for other survivors. as I said in my original homeless blog, where I shared many links, if I can help one other survivor to survive, then my life has been worth living.
What's it like here? rain clearing to cold, and low mood.
Bob's latest, blog, and those who don't know, he has been blogging merrily on the subject since March.
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/jeseys-dean-deputy-mike-higgins-oral.html
Sorry I am still not posting much. Bob Hill has a new blog today, if you want to catch up on his view on things, of course I tend not to read his blogs in full as they re-traumatize me, but I do join in the discussion on the comments board. Not reading the blog but commenting on the comments means I am sharing my own perspective with everyone, no matter what the blog says.
Bob's view of what happened is sometimes different from mine, but it is nice to get an outside perspective isn't it? I have no influence over Bob, oh no, he is as stubborn as a mule, won't be deterred from speaking out. Bob tends to focus on the Jersey side of things and does not include before or since. But that is because he is one of Jersey's independent media.
I am, as you can see, adding links at the side of my blog, mainly for other survivors. as I said in my original homeless blog, where I shared many links, if I can help one other survivor to survive, then my life has been worth living.
What's it like here? rain clearing to cold, and low mood.
Bob's latest, blog, and those who don't know, he has been blogging merrily on the subject since March.
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/jeseys-dean-deputy-mike-higgins-oral.html
Sunday, 10 November 2013
Written 15/01/2013, this shows some of the suffering I have endured in between being deported and left destitute and being traced again by the Diocese and made to suffer horribly until right now
So much hurt:
I started crying, the memories and the injustice still overwhelm me.I still remember how they made it out to be all just me and tried to force me to be insane until I was believing them yet knowing it couldn’t be really true.
If you force something on someone with autism for long enough you can make them believe it even though it isn’t true, and the same goes for someone who grew up in cult circumstances.
There is so much that I still cannot write, it hurts me too much.
Every day the flashbacks, the pain the shame and the fear in which I still live overwhelms me and I have to work hard to stay on an even keel, especially as I cannot let their attempts to label me as mad become a fact, a reality, and so I hold my life together and suffer horrendously but in silence, because I have no voice, they silenced me and ensured that I had no credibility.
I feel everything, because there was no solution, no resolution, no conclusion to what happened. Just a trial in which I had no voice, that told me that if these people represented God then God was unjust, cold, a liar, cruel and without a scrap of mercy.
Every night I am on trial or being verbally or physically beaten and every day I wake in distress.I try to defend myself, explain myself over and over, I try to see a way that I can be heard, but I have no voice.
I try to help myself and see a future but I cannot rebuild on the utterly destroyed ruins of my life, razed to the ground and the always unstable foundations beyond repair.
I scream out silently to be released from what is not serious mental illness but a living death caused by what has happened, a world in which I have no place and where there is nothing that can help me.
Every day I work on self-help, just as I did as I tried to learn to live in the real world after escaping the cult environment in which I grew up. But this time there is no hope, originally poverty and disability hampered my development, when I was a young adult, as well as wrong handling by people who didn’t understand, but now I am held back by being branded, ruined and with a terrible record that I have no voice to stand against.
Every day I do a mood chart and every day it tells me I am suffering severe depression, but I do nothing but hold my life together, I will not allow that diocese to get the triumph of headlining my suicide as a mentally ill criminal, I have to hold on in a life that has no worth, no purpose, I will never drive again, I will never work again, I do not know if I will ever live indoors again but I suffer such bad flashbacks and distress indoors. I panic in my sleep, trapped and terrified in my subconscious.
My life is limited, I cannot tell anyone what has happened to me, and the diocese have invalidated me, I will never be able to do volunteer work and am excluded from most careers, I will never be able to do anything that involves disclosing my background or getting a medical report, and most jobs and things that include you in society require this, and people who know me do not know I cannot do this as they cannot imagine that I could be a bad terrible person on record because in real life I am quiet and childlike.
The level, the depth and the breadth of the hurts is too much, too many individual hurts branching off the core hurt. Trying to verbalise everything to someone seems too much, is too much, and so few people have knowledge of psychological damage, of church-based abuse, of the things I grew up with, which left me as an unsocialised and immature adult with a shattered psyche and open to abuse.
I am punished every single day and will be for the rest of my life, I was no match for the wrongdoers in the diocese who remain unpunished and unrepentant and keep their homes and privilages, mostly supported by the diocese and the church.I reacted, I fought back, I lost control because I was so badly damaged, and I am unforgiv en and unforgive en on record forever and so I cannot forgive myself. Especially I cannot forgive myself for falling prey to abusers and their clergy supporters.
My story was never fully heard by the Bishop and Diocese who were busy protecting themselves against liability, but they were quick to condemn me based on the words of people who had done wrong and who’s aim was to protect themselves and the abusers.There was no unbiased person involved and no one who heard me with an unbiased ear.
Church will always be traumatic for me, and attending church causes me shock, God who I needed as a Father is
Saturday, 9 November 2013
Strange Practices
Back on the subject of how Jersey is not an honest squeaky clean place where 'bad people' are deported.
They tend to jail people who speak up.
They tend to ruin people who speak up.
They tend to lie a bit about the real circumstances of cases.
Who are 'They'? A little clique of Judicial/political figures.
And a Jersey Vicar said to me that he has thrown Ian Lemarquand against a wall and asked him about 'Those boys in LaMoye who shouldn't be there', the same Vicar who told me that 'In Jersey, you keep your enemies close and know what they are doing'. At the time I still didn't fully understand what he meant, but he was saying he knew how bad the system was.
So, Jersey, where I was also told about Satanic or black magic rituals taking place in a church. Where a priest and his wife also claimed that there were 'Satanists in Jersey praying for the breakup of clergy marriages', which was copied directly from a boog which reads 'There are Satanists in the USA, praying for the breakup of clergy marriages', why would a Satanist do that?
http://www.highstrangeness.tv/articles/jerseydevils.php
They tend to jail people who speak up.
They tend to ruin people who speak up.
They tend to lie a bit about the real circumstances of cases.
Who are 'They'? A little clique of Judicial/political figures.
And a Jersey Vicar said to me that he has thrown Ian Lemarquand against a wall and asked him about 'Those boys in LaMoye who shouldn't be there', the same Vicar who told me that 'In Jersey, you keep your enemies close and know what they are doing'. At the time I still didn't fully understand what he meant, but he was saying he knew how bad the system was.
So, Jersey, where I was also told about Satanic or black magic rituals taking place in a church. Where a priest and his wife also claimed that there were 'Satanists in Jersey praying for the breakup of clergy marriages', which was copied directly from a boog which reads 'There are Satanists in the USA, praying for the breakup of clergy marriages', why would a Satanist do that?
http://www.highstrangeness.tv/articles/jerseydevils.php
lies that my destroyers tell
Good morning,
Apparently deputy Mike Higgin's question in the States last week about me being deported destitute and in my pyjamas and left alone at Southampton Airport, homeless and destitute, sparked denials from Home Affairs Minister Ian lemarquand, who is a reader in the church and friend of my abuser.
This also led to more unhelpful newspaper articles, denials that I was deported and loud shouts about me pleading guilty. But as we know, the Jersey media are not independent and the JEP is run by my abuser's brother.
Firstly, bewildered and traumatized in prison, I did exactly as I was told by the advocates who failed in any way to defend me, including pleading guilty.
Secondly it is fact that I was arrested in my pyjamas, spent two weeks in prison in my pyjamas and was deported in my pyjamas and landed in England destitute and in pyjamas, with no bra, and a bag containing unwearable clothes that the police had flung together, my passport and a bank card, and possibly a little bit of money that my friend had lent me for food in prison, which was returned to me when I left prison, I did not get the money back that the police appear to have stolen from my room, nor did I get my posessions back, I was indeed left destitute.
Apparently deputy Mike Higgin's question in the States last week about me being deported destitute and in my pyjamas and left alone at Southampton Airport, homeless and destitute, sparked denials from Home Affairs Minister Ian lemarquand, who is a reader in the church and friend of my abuser.
This also led to more unhelpful newspaper articles, denials that I was deported and loud shouts about me pleading guilty. But as we know, the Jersey media are not independent and the JEP is run by my abuser's brother.
Firstly, bewildered and traumatized in prison, I did exactly as I was told by the advocates who failed in any way to defend me, including pleading guilty.
Secondly it is fact that I was arrested in my pyjamas, spent two weeks in prison in my pyjamas and was deported in my pyjamas and landed in England destitute and in pyjamas, with no bra, and a bag containing unwearable clothes that the police had flung together, my passport and a bank card, and possibly a little bit of money that my friend had lent me for food in prison, which was returned to me when I left prison, I did not get the money back that the police appear to have stolen from my room, nor did I get my posessions back, I was indeed left destitute.
Friday, 8 November 2013
Bible
Here are three important Characters in the Bible - Job, David, Jesus.
They all suffered homelessness, anguish and pain.
Have the people in the Church of England who have damaged me suffered these things? No.
I have.
This is a short post as the longer post I wrote the other night was lost when the internet crashed, I will re-post tomorrow.
They all suffered homelessness, anguish and pain.
Have the people in the Church of England who have damaged me suffered these things? No.
I have.
This is a short post as the longer post I wrote the other night was lost when the internet crashed, I will re-post tomorrow.
Thursday, 7 November 2013
In London when I was utterly destroyed and sure I was going to commit suicide after being destroyed by Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt for responding to their constant harrassment of me, I used to find comfort in this song below, and in my current state of equal or greater hopelessness, I still do
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMWntCBn5sU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMWntCBn5sU
Macsas and 'The Stones Cry Out'
Useless and unhelpful as macsas is, and as out of date their website is, they did do a church abuse survey some years ago, and never appear to have got around to the second one.
But I would like to include their survey here http://macsas.org.uk/MACSAS_SurveyReportMay2011.pdf
On page 42, a case concerning the Diocese of Winchester is mentioned.
I do not know for sure, but believe that may be the case of a woman who I will call 'M', it is not my case, definitely but very sadly I was made aware of M's case while I was in the Diocese, which shows just how little confidentiality mattered to some people.
M, made a complaint about a Vicar. Sadly the Diocese handled this really badly, really really badly, because they involved JM, the Vicar who's husband sexually abused me, and who told me that the abuse was not abuse and was my fault and that I was trying to seduce her husband etc.
JM, with her bad attitude to abuse victims generally and not just me, who always treated abuse victims with scorn and repeatedly lack of confidentiality, and who made abusers out to be 'just victims themselves' always had this attitude of scorn and lack of confidentiality to victims and attitude of support to abusers.
JM was, for some reason asked to step into the abuse claim and act as a 'mentor' to 'M', she kept nothing confidential and told me all about it, she scornfully described M as 'adoring' this Vicar and following him around and seeing him as a father figure and misconstrueing his actions, and this is how she represented M to the diocese, much as she scornfully blamed me for what FM did while I was vulnerable and she had taken me home to him.
Quote Macsas survey page 42:
But I would like to include their survey here http://macsas.org.uk/MACSAS_SurveyReportMay2011.pdf
On page 42, a case concerning the Diocese of Winchester is mentioned.
I do not know for sure, but believe that may be the case of a woman who I will call 'M', it is not my case, definitely but very sadly I was made aware of M's case while I was in the Diocese, which shows just how little confidentiality mattered to some people.
M, made a complaint about a Vicar. Sadly the Diocese handled this really badly, really really badly, because they involved JM, the Vicar who's husband sexually abused me, and who told me that the abuse was not abuse and was my fault and that I was trying to seduce her husband etc.
JM, with her bad attitude to abuse victims generally and not just me, who always treated abuse victims with scorn and repeatedly lack of confidentiality, and who made abusers out to be 'just victims themselves' always had this attitude of scorn and lack of confidentiality to victims and attitude of support to abusers.
JM was, for some reason asked to step into the abuse claim and act as a 'mentor' to 'M', she kept nothing confidential and told me all about it, she scornfully described M as 'adoring' this Vicar and following him around and seeing him as a father figure and misconstrueing his actions, and this is how she represented M to the diocese, much as she scornfully blamed me for what FM did while I was vulnerable and she had taken me home to him.
Quote Macsas survey page 42:
1.18.1 Two other cases were also reported in the Dioceses of Winchester and Liverpool. In the first there was at last an investigation process undertaken two years after the allegations were made when the respondent contacted the Archbishop of Canterbury. The respondent has recently reported that the outcome of the investigation was to give the vicar the ‘benefit of the doubt’ and to suggest ways that the vicar could change his behaviour so that it is less open to misinterpretation. She is again writing to the Archbishop of Canterbury. 1.18.2 Again it is clear that Church leaders do not seem to take these cases seriously, or understand the need for resolution when complaints are made. Even when allegations are investigated through the Clergy Discipline Measures the procedures are manipulated to minimise the actions of the vicar and the subsequent penalty imposed. Women are not being protected from further abuse by these men.
1.18.3 At least one of these vicars is a reported to be a serial sexual abuser of women and has
been allowed to continue in ministry far from the diocese where he became notorious for
sexually assaulting and abusing women. Another has multiple allegations of sexual abuse
of young men during healing ministry and past allegations of child abuse and sexual
misconduct. He was not investigated by Church authorities because he chose not to renew
his license when allegations were made. In other cases women who had dedicated their
lives to working in their parishes were vilified and isolated when they raised concerns
about the conduct of the parish vicar.
1.18.4 At all times it appears as if the reputation of the priest/vicar is more important than
safeguarding members of the congregations, their colleagues and others who come to
them for spiritual/pastoral support.
Obviously nothing changed in the Diocese of Winchester, nothing at all, and my recent statements about how FM's abuse of me was deliberately made into a nothing by the Korris report have been swept under the carpet along with my filling in of the gaps about Jane Fisher's destroyal of me on my return to Winchester.
So the ongoing investigation omits my views and omits my complaints, including that against JM who crossed boundaries as my counsellor to take me home to her house where she continued to take over my life, prevent my diagnoses and thus the help I needed, breached confidences to me and about me, and let her husband abuse me despite his daughter accusing him of abuse, and then she involved herself in Jersey on the side of the abuser and his supporters.
Nothing whatsoever has been done either about J and FM or about the Diocese of Winchester's appaling safeguarding practice.
And there is no way that JM breaching safeguarding and professional boundaries blatantly and repeatedly can possibly be my fault, nor the damage over years that I suffered as a result and reacted to, for which I have been villified, especially by the Dean of Jersey who collaberated with JM, and Jane Fisher, of all people, who has followed JM's example of not taking abuse seriously and villifying me instead.
This is not the post I previously mentioned, this is a link
There is not a great deal of specific support for church abuse survivors.
In the Uk there is macsas, a very crass and badly run charity, which increased the damage to me rather than helping me.
There is a group called SNAP, who are America-based but are expanding.
And there is the Hope of Survivors, who are mainly USA-based but offer support to anyone, wherever they are in the world, via internet and email.
Although the sexual abuse I suffered was from people in church postions, I also suffered badly from the way clergy have treated me as a result of the abuse, and have suffered emotional abuse at the hands of the clergy.
This is a link offered by The Hope of Survivors http://thehopeofsurvivors.com/
In the Uk there is macsas, a very crass and badly run charity, which increased the damage to me rather than helping me.
There is a group called SNAP, who are America-based but are expanding.
And there is the Hope of Survivors, who are mainly USA-based but offer support to anyone, wherever they are in the world, via internet and email.
Although the sexual abuse I suffered was from people in church postions, I also suffered badly from the way clergy have treated me as a result of the abuse, and have suffered emotional abuse at the hands of the clergy.
This is a link offered by The Hope of Survivors http://thehopeofsurvivors.com/
The endless horror of the cover ups and dishonesty and the impact on my life.
04/12/2016 Flaming Hell Jersey, you are landing on this post like a demented grasshopper, if you would like to know more, just email me.
The endless horror of the cover ups and dishonesty and the impact on my life.
As you know, I have been in shock recently as it was revealed that Dame Steel has indeed done as expected and destroyed me on behalf of the wrongdoers who she has covered up for in her report.I have also been on antibiotics, and I never react well to them, I don't react well to most medicines. So I have been in a bit of a stupor.
I think I will go through various things here.
According to Bob Hill's account of his meeting with Dame Heather Steel, she made me out to be a violent troublemaker who threatens people in their homes.Who I am supposed to have threatened I do not know, as far as I know I threatened no-one until right at the end when the Bishop's refusal to deal with my complaint and the unrelenting distress I was put under by the Dean and Deanery, Jane Fisher and the Bishop, drove me to breaking point.
Apparently Dame Steel's report says the Dean met with me because the A's had made a formal complaint about me harrassing them, presumably this is stating that he did not meet me to deal with my complaint of abuse.If this is the case, which it isn't, don't you think that is very very bad practice indeed? For these reasons among others:
- The Dean certainly did not make this clear
- why did the Dean, being confronted with my abuse complaint on one hand, and a known offender all of a sudden making a formal complaint of harrassment against me on the other, not immediately contact the Diocese of Winchester, and also make it clear to me what was going on? He didn't do either.
- And no matter if the avertys had made a complaint of harrassment, I had made a complaint of sexual abuse and A was known to the church as an offender (which I was not told about or warned about), why was it appropriate for the Dean to see the A's first? It was not.
- No mention of the A's making a formal complaint was made to me, the Dean was trying to dissuade me from making a complaint against the A's, saying things like 'isn't abuse a bit of a harsh word for this?' etc.
There were no unpleasant letters from me to anyone except where I was being harmed in some way, I am reactive and have responded to being hurt. In the case of the A's I was being sexually and emotionally abused, and in the case of A's Vicar, he and his wife were ignoring my concerns and my deterioration at A's hands and were allowing A to proceed to hurt me and complain to them and discuss me with them repeatedly in a derogatory way while refusing to speak to me, the cult atmosphere and the way I was lied to by the Vicar and his wife also harmed me. And all things considered, the Vicar and his wife's attitude when they knew this man was an offender, and the way they discussed me with him negatively while refusing to speak to me, all the while knowing I was obviously increasingly upset, is unspeakably appalling. Basically, despite his history, he was allowed to take me home and abuse me, I deteriorated and nothing was done.
Apparently, Dame Steel has interviewed Reverend Gavin Ashenden, who is technically nothing to do with this matter, he was not even among the clergy in Jersey when the abuse and abuse case and deportation occured, but as a former barrister, chaplain to the Queen etc, and being closely allied to Reverend Phil and heather Warren's parents/in-law, he feels qualified to have interfered and elected himself spokesperson for the Jersey deanery and slandered and libelled me even though he has never met me, apparently forgetting completely what his dog collar stands for and not taking into account that there is no way a one-sided public judgement of me can be even remotely Christian.
But despite the fact that Dame Heather Steel has not interviewed me, or the A's, she has interviewed Gavin Ashenden, who was not there at the time, does not have my side either of the abuse and abuse complaint nor does he have my side of what happened with George and Jill Lihou, Reverend Phil Warren's parents-in-law.
So why did Dame Steel interview someone who isn't even a relevant witness and not interview me or even attempt to allay fears of her conflict of interests so I could be interviewed, or even take up my offer to be interviewed by a neutral interviewer? Why is the testimony of someone like Gavin Ashenden who was representing the Jersey Deanery even though he wasn't there when the matters took place more important than interviewing me? Or even Bob?Dame Steel claims to have 'not got Bob's emails', is that any excuse? she knew Bob was representing me, and she conveniently lost his emails until it was too late and she has finished her report.
Gavin Ashenden has apparently said that the Dean's case is 'watertight'. Well it may be 'watertight', with legal experts like Gavin Ashenden, Philip Bailhache and Ian leMarquand advising him, as well as presumably his lawyers, but that does not mean they are being honest or Christian, because the fact is that the Dean has done wrong, and no amount of dishonest cover-ups and legal expertise is Christian, nor does it take away the abuse, the misconduct and everything else I have suffered at the hands of the church of England.
I have suffered the church of England for many years now, and am worn down, I have been abused, snubbed, had feet wiped on me, been maligned, been judged, been lied to and about, been brutalized, been imprisoned, left homeless and been destroyed, and am being destroyed.The contrasts are that Jesus was treated as I have been treated, and the people doing this are priests who are being paid and housed because they claim to represent him, their wrongdoings do not represent Jesus, and nor are they destroyed and publicly shamed and left homeless as I have been at their hands.
After many months of being maligned, libelled and slandered at the hands of the Jersey Deanery, I wrote them an open letter, it wont stop their triumph of Dame Steel's representation of them, but it was a reminder to them that their behaviour was not Christian, no matter what they publicly and one-sidedly assumed about mine.The press mainly savaged my letter and did not print it entirely or correctly, that was to be expected, Jersey press are under the thumb of certain notable and not neutral people. Gavin Ashenden surprisingly responded by calling for the Bishop to apologize to me and the Dean.
I am not sure if that was to save face? Attack the Bishop? Or because the man didn't know how else to respond? Seeing as he has behaved in an appallingly unchristian way and my letter highlights that.This is my letter on Bob's blog, always read the comments sections on Bob's blogs!
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/jerseys-dean-hgs-guest-posting-open.html
This is Bob's latest Blog, for those who haven't seen it, again, always read the comments, they are an education:
http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/jerseys-dean-truth-whole-truth-or.html
As you may be aware from the brief posts I have made recently, I have been under intolerable stress. I do not understand why I have been put through all this, and the Diocese of Winchester certainly has no explanation, basically what I have suffered because of Dame Steel and the Jersey Deanery is absolutely inexcusable, no human being especially not a homeless and traumatized one should have to go through the life wrecking, psychologically harmful barrage that I have been through this year, from the Korris report, the police tracing me despite the diocese repeatedly having me brutalized and detained by the police previously for persisting with my complaint, to the Jersey Deanery hate campaign and the impact on my personal life, the threats by Bishop Dakin and the conflicted inquiry that has bypassed me and my account, despite this whole thing supposedly being about me being wrongly treated.
The end result is that I am psychologically injured, separated from my efforts to rebuild my life, maligned, publicly shamed and with no hope of any justice.
The worst thing is, the people who did this to me, without exception, call themselves Christians, and the one man who has represented me and my interests and welfare throughout this, does not publicly identify himself as a Christian.
This post will be followed shortly by another one that got deleted last night when the internet crashed.
Friday, 1 November 2013
Church and State, make them accountable
This is, as ever, not a suicide note, but there is no doubt that my body and mind are not able to go on surviving the horrendous amount of damage that has been done and is being done to me.
Those of you who are reading because you care, and I know that there are some. My last wish is that the church of england who destroyed me, are made accountable.
Not just for me, but accountable to some authority, somewhere, because at the moment, despite the fact that they are a government department, with Bishops announced by 10 Downing Street, and despite their charitable status, and despite the fact that hundreds of cases of abuse and misconduct are reported and mainly squashed every month, despite no other government department ever getting away with such, the church of england are accountable to no-one.
And once you are in the church of england and report abuse, they can destroy you in the most horrible and public ways possible and again, they are accountable to no-one. No-one at all, and as a vulnerable person, from my experience, I have been to every possible organization and cried for help, and been ignored or treated as mad, or in the case of the police, brutalized, told that the church had done nothing wrong and that I had no right to be looking to them for help when my problem was insanity.
Basically, this Great Grim Church answers only to itself, and no-one is ever effectively held accountable. And after years of suffering because of this, and having been villified for writing to people in the church who did wrong, I am now destroyed beyond repair, while other victims go away silenced and angry, are given police records or commit suicide, and the church of england are never made accountable, even though their actions and attitudes regarding abuse is as far from Christianity as it is possible to be.
So before my heart or mind fails me, I beg you, bring the church of england to account.
Even in my death, let my side be heard.
Those of you who are reading because you care, and I know that there are some. My last wish is that the church of england who destroyed me, are made accountable.
Not just for me, but accountable to some authority, somewhere, because at the moment, despite the fact that they are a government department, with Bishops announced by 10 Downing Street, and despite their charitable status, and despite the fact that hundreds of cases of abuse and misconduct are reported and mainly squashed every month, despite no other government department ever getting away with such, the church of england are accountable to no-one.
And once you are in the church of england and report abuse, they can destroy you in the most horrible and public ways possible and again, they are accountable to no-one. No-one at all, and as a vulnerable person, from my experience, I have been to every possible organization and cried for help, and been ignored or treated as mad, or in the case of the police, brutalized, told that the church had done nothing wrong and that I had no right to be looking to them for help when my problem was insanity.
Basically, this Great Grim Church answers only to itself, and no-one is ever effectively held accountable. And after years of suffering because of this, and having been villified for writing to people in the church who did wrong, I am now destroyed beyond repair, while other victims go away silenced and angry, are given police records or commit suicide, and the church of england are never made accountable, even though their actions and attitudes regarding abuse is as far from Christianity as it is possible to be.
So before my heart or mind fails me, I beg you, bring the church of england to account.
Even in my death, let my side be heard.
impact
Good afternoon.
I see that the blog has been read a lot in my absence.
Thank you.
Am I ok? well, no. I haven't been well, and there is no hope of me being ok really.
I am on antibiotics, but that is not the problem. Hey, it's the first time they have fed me anything that hasn't left me incapacitated, although they were a bit annoyed that they couldn't feed me anything stronger in case I had a reaction.
Bob's latest blog will tell you some of what is going on. http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/
It doesn't tell it all. I guess I will have to tell you more later. But most of the time now I can't do much, I am indeed destroyed.
I have never had a voice or a just or fair hearing, the few hours with John Gladwin and Christine Daley barely told my story.
I see that the blog has been read a lot in my absence.
Thank you.
Am I ok? well, no. I haven't been well, and there is no hope of me being ok really.
I am on antibiotics, but that is not the problem. Hey, it's the first time they have fed me anything that hasn't left me incapacitated, although they were a bit annoyed that they couldn't feed me anything stronger in case I had a reaction.
Bob's latest blog will tell you some of what is going on. http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/
It doesn't tell it all. I guess I will have to tell you more later. But most of the time now I can't do much, I am indeed destroyed.
I have never had a voice or a just or fair hearing, the few hours with John Gladwin and Christine Daley barely told my story.
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