Jersey Abuse survivors

This is not a blog that I normally link to, but I will this time

http://tomgruchy.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/jersey-care-inquiry-is-it-already.html

Please excuse me for this one off link.

I just wanted to recall something.

In Jersey and also in the UK, who have left Jersey, are victims of child abuse, maltreatment, silencing and cover ups, people who have been intimidated, branded as mad and bad, and effectively silenced.

The Jersey Comittee of Inquiry says that people are reluctant to come forward.

I know this is true.

While I was in Jersey, in 2008, I was seeing a counsellor, and she told me that clients of hers were survivors of the child abuse and cover ups and that they were afraid to come forward because of how they felt they would be treated.

And, back then I didn't grasp the full significance of what I was being told.

This was the same counsellor who told me to slap the churchwarden on the nose when he misbehaved, as she was not happy with what I was describing to her.

I know why people are afraid to speak up in Jersey, I saw my life destroyed completely and was left homeless and destitute.
On the other hand, I survived and came to a safe place and have a good home.
And I believe that enough people know about the churchwarden to prevent him even attempting to abuse again.

I feel unqualified to say anything to the survivors of Haute de la Garenne as they have been through far worse than what I have.

But, I would say, take this opportunity, if you were abused, or witnessed abuse, Jersey cannot suppress you forever, you have a right and an opportunity to speak, please do, while the opportunity is there.

I understand that people feel inimidated by the fact that the inquiry intends to publish all statements, which is dismaying. I sincerely hope that the inquiry has the sense and care for people's welfare, to redact their names.

And I understand how in a small island like Jersey, this can be very daunting, speaking up in Jersey remains a dangerous thing to do.
But eventually, people have got to overcome this suppression, and have got to make the people speaking up into a majority.
Because I believe that although the oppressors are powerful, they are, people-wise, the minority, it is their wealth and power and high profile infallibility, and how they use it, that is giving them the grip they have, the ability to silence

Ok, I do feel a bit out of my depth, but I do not want anyone to be silenced, unheard, suppressed. It was bad enough that children were made to go through what they did go through, and were threatened with things like detention in the mental hospital if they spoke up.
Things have got to change, and I am writing this from the heart.
Stand up to your enemies and watch as they start to turn and run.
You can do this. But it is your decision.

There are some good people in Jersey who blog about what has happened, and most of them are keen and able to help survivors, in confidence and with respect.

I understand that there are survivors who just want to get on with their lives, oh yes, I understand, and the inquiry should make a note of that.
three years after I left Jersey, having fought for my complaint to be heard and failed while I was in Jersey, I had gone on with my life when the Diocese publicly launched a bodged and biased investigation on me and halted my life and wrecked my life, so I can understand that some survivors and witnesses just want to go on with their lives and leave the past in the past, and not drag up injustices that should never have occured and should have been dealt with at the time, and not dealt with by threats of mental hospitals or other punishments.

As I sit here knowing how much a risk I am taking in my own battles, I know how hard it is, and I know from my former counsellor that there really are people out there who are afraid to come forward, and I know from my own case how people, known and unknown to me, have been intimidated into silence by the 'Jersey Way', Jersey people, people with evidence, don't dare speak.

If you were abused and blamed or told it was normal or part of life, or that you deserved it or it was a punishment or because someone loved you, those things were also abuse, when you are a child, someone assaulting you is never your fault, ever, it is never your fault if you are made to do sexual things, and it is never true for the abuser to blame you, ever, it is never your fault, it is them abusing their power, and if you react in anger and behave bizarrely or violently, that is because you have been abused and reacted, and anyone with knowledge of abuse will understand that and will understand that any record of your actions is linked to you being abused and reacting.

All government and states departments appear to remain ignorant of the affect of abuse on behaviour and usually villify survivors and have no understanding of why they behave as they do, which is shocking in this day and age.

But the tide must turn at some point, you can't go on calling your Island a democracy when you are unable to report what you suffered and cannot be heard and understood, something needs to change, and people need to assist that change by being brave and speaking up. All stand together, be counted be heard.

Answering a question -in brief

I was asked a question about the blog on Saturday.

The Question was - what do I hope to achieve through the blog.

This is a brief answer as I am only on the computer briefly this morning.

• I am telling my story through the blog, even though I remain too traumatized by Jersey to talk about it.
• I am sharing so that other survivors can be encouraged, and I am happy to say that quite a number of survivors have made contact and talked and shared links to websites and support groups, as well as sharing their experiences.
• I am sharing my day to day life on the other blog, which hopefully shows that I am not just the mad bad user etc that the church of england make me out to be.
• I am ensuring that a record of my experiences is made, even if I die as a result of the damage by the Church of England - those who don't know, my health has suffered seriously as a result of this matter.
• It helps me to write and share my feelings and experiences, I am alone a lot, because I need to be because of my conditions, and I get very angry and distressed by what has happened.
• I would like to contribute towards educating people that the Great Grim Church is not all wonderful and Christian, because so many people do not really know or understand what the Church of England really is, or how they make the vulnerable and poor and disabled suffer. How they use them, even, and how the press releases, so carefully formulated, do not always reflect the true situation - even I was horrified by the dishonesty of Bishop Tim and Luther Pendragon, and the 'lost last and least' statement was horrifying.

tbc

Answers to Questions, who's who part1

Who's Who in Jersey, part 1.
This is quite a tricky and scary series to start, not one I even want to do, but in the the recent fun quizzes of who's who, the Church of England were lost, last and least, and it took some Jersey people time to work out who the Grandmaster freemason-churchman-relative of my abuser-musician was.
So I thought this should be the starting point for outsiders on who's who in the Channel Island of Jersey, where they speak English but are not part of the UK, and thus have their own government and laws that allowed the Dean to be let off and run a smear campaign against me with a bit of help from his friends.

Here's who does what in the states of Jersey:

http://www.statesassembly.gov.je/about/MembersMeetingsProceedings/Pages/AboutMembers.aspx

Here's Jersey's law site:

 http://www.jerseylaw.je/home/usefullinks/default.aspx

Although Jersey law is explainable in a few words, one law for one group and one for the rest.

The letter sent to Jersey police complaints department 13/02/09

If anyone wonders why I went mad, this is why. The incidents described in this letter below this paragraph. To me, being regressed and abused and thrown away, being told the police results in an email and being immediately brutalized and locked up - very deliberately omitted from the Korris report, which goes on about the police sending me a 'nice letter' which I never got, this, regressed to childhood, left back in my original childhood and some of the blank horror of what I went through then, and left abused and abandoned by EY and his wife who had always belittled me. Brutalized by police and shunned in the community, Philip LeClaire publicizing the brutality after playing a part in having me captured by police and trying to make out he was not part of that.
Bob Hill wonders why I don't trust, why I don't like people going behind my back.
I suffered severe Post Traumatic Stress as a result of the detention and brutalization the day the police let my abuse go, they used force, just as they always have because of my terror, and they locked me in a cell and were rude and insulting to me, for the crime of reporting an abuser.
I didn't recover, and this is when I stopped coping, stopped coping with Jane Fisher's nonsense, stopped coping with my abuser laughing when he saw me while he remained in church positions, stopped coping with Philip, with being shunned for reporting the man I reported, stopped coping with what was a horrible and hopeless situation, from which I didn't and can't recover.
 


** **** ******* ****
** ******
JE* ***
Email: ********@hotmail.co.uk

13/02/09

Police Complaints Department
Jersey

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am not at all sure if I should be writing to the police complaints department with my queries, but the DC who dealt with a complaint that I made seems unable to deal with my queries and concerns and seems more concerned with protecting my abuser. I am unwilling to contact the police again as I am afraid of them because of their treatment of me.
I am autistic, and am much more able to write than speak, I am making these queries entirely on my own.
I made a complaint to the police last year, with a bit of prompting, the complaint was about a man called Mr.******, Mr.****** is a churchwarden at St. A’s church at **** ******, Mr.****** decided to ‘adopt’ me as his daughter very shortly after meeting me, I believed that Mr.****** was trustworthy as he professed to be a Christian, but Mr ***** subjected me to unwelcome sexual advances and emotional torture, he was very careful in doing so, and made sure that I felt ‘to blame’ for my reactions to his treatment, and for a long time I took the blame.
Mr ****** told me that ‘God had told him to take me as a daughter’ and because of my faith I believed that my prayers for somewhere to belong were answered, I tried to cope with the increasing distress Mr.****** was causing me, and eventually had to tell his wife, who had never wanted a disabled ‘adoptive daughter’, I was brought into their family by her husband, for his own reasons, so I was thrown out of the family, with Mr.****** denying doing anything wrong, his wife despised me from the start, and when he heard I was making a complaint, he had the arrogance to phone an older friend of mine in order to try to get her to ‘shut me up’, she is not a good person to deal with abuse, despite being a priest, but she told him he had done wrong when he explained to her that he was trying to ‘help me’ by ‘breaking through my sexual barriers in order to cure my sexual problems’, I do not have significant sexual problems, my main problems are autism and trauma.
The matter was brought to the police, someone went with me to the police, there was a very helpful DC who’s name I cannot recall, he had shirt sleeves and a big grin, he seemed very prepared to deal with the matter. But then the matter was passed on to DC Hare, who I do not understand, and I do not understand the way he dealt with the matter or explained/didn’t explain it.
DC Hare interviewed Mr.******, he then contacted me by email with the results of the complaint, which didn’t make sense and still doesn’t. It seems to read that they ‘let poor Mr ****** off because there wasn’t enough evidence, and poor mr ****** had been under so much pressure due to the complaint that he wouldn’t do it again’. Mr ******  could not give a damn about what he has done, he has called me a liar since and has gone on with his life, he was sacked from his previous church for misconduct but he happily told me that they were mistaken, he refuses to take responsibility for his actions, and while he was abusing me he told me about how he talked sex to girls on his evangelising walk, he has not taken any responsibility for what he has done.
DC Hare told me that Mr.****** ‘admitted to most of the things I said? But said he was doing it to help me), therefore they could not prosecute Mr.******.  I do not understand this, is it legal in Jersey to force sexual contact in order to help someone? I did not understand the results , originally sent by email. I think what Mr ****** has done is wrong, but he appears to Have gained DC Hare’s sympathy. DC Hare said it was ‘on Mr.******’s record’, but I also did not understand what that meant. DC Hare was also aware that I have difficulty using a telephone, he said in his email that I could ‘phone him if I had any queries’.
If Mr ****** admitted to anything sexual, and DC Hare never explained what Mr ****** did or didn’t admit to, then why can no further action be taken?  DC Hare is obviously not willing to take further action even though I have asked. DC Hare has ignored my requests for further action or explanation, and I am afraid of DC Hare because he got me locked up.
When I received the unhelpful results of my complaint by email from DC Hare, I apparently threatened suicide, I am somewhat confused about this, but to cut a long story short I was seized by the police and locked up, I am told that this was for my own welfare, but I can see no evidence of that, DC Hare omitted to tell the police that I was autistic, dislike having my arms touched and need an appropriate adult at the police station.
Though I was very tired and ill and unable to run, and not trying to run, and was also trapped between two police officers and two cars, I was taken hold of by the upper arms, it was specifically mentioned in my statements to the police about Mr.****** that I have an extreme dislike of my upper arms being touched, because Mr ****** forced ‘therapy’ on me including constant touch of my upper arms, DC Hare, who apparently sent these officers out of ‘duty of care’ hadn’t bothered to tell the officers that he sent that I was autistic, disliked touch, and needed an appropriate adult, the officer, PC O’Brian, refused to let go of my arms even though I couldn’t run anywhere, I was panicking, I cannot begin to describe the severity of this panic to you, O’Brian said if he let go of my arm he would have to handcuff me (for the crime of reporting my abuser?), I said ‘handcuff me, let go of my arm’, he refused to do so, and I continued to panic with this nasty police officer gripping my arm when I had not commited a crime. It was only when my landlord stepped in and persuaded the officer to let go of me that he did, they then took me to the police station, they prepared to search me but I wouldn’t let them, I was absolutely out of my mind with terror. I told them not to lock me up because I suffer with claustrophobia? It means terror of enclosed spaces, they locked me up and I had a severe and prolonged panic attack, then they sent me to see a doctor who I didn’t understand and then they sent me home, no appropriate adult was present even though DC Hare was aware of my disability, and I was confused and distressed, I was shaking in severe shock and very much awake in the early hours of the next morning and the trauma of this on top of being abused by people who should have been safe, having to make a complaint, and feeling that DC Hare sympathises with Mr and MRs ******, who made my life living hell, has left me severely distressed, being ‘locked up for the crime of reporting my abusers’ did nothing for my welfare.
I still have nightmares of being on that police station floor struggling to breathe.

There was no follow up on that nasty incident. I have been left to ‘commit suicide as I please’ and I believe that if I had not been exhausted after that police incident I would have taken my own life because of how I was treated, it is incredibly cruel and twisted that the DC got me locked up and punished, while my abuser is walking around calling me a liar and has laughed the whole matter off, and he really has called me a liar.
And now my abuser is aware of me being locked up due to Phillip LeClaire publishing it in an article, it no doubt gave the ******s a good laugh to hear how I was locked up for their crime.
DC Hare offered to meet with me to ‘discuss the matter’, I was persuaded by Phillip LeClaire to attend a meeting, at short notice, though I said I was ill and couldn’t cope, I attended the meeting, but the primary aim of the meeting seemed to for DC Hare to act as a mouthpiece for the ******s to ‘shut me up’ , as I had not understood DC Hare’s email of the results of the complaint, I thought Mr ****** had simply walked away laughing, and as Mr.****** was calling me a liar, that seemed to be the case, so I had continued to tell Mr.****** off myself, he has never apologised or taken any responsibility, DC Hare ‘warned me’ that ‘people would think I was bad’ if I continued to deal with ****** myself, I felt intimidated and was afraid of being arrested again, so I was all agreement, ‘oh yes, I will behave myself, don’t lock me up for my abuser’s crimes again’. Mr ****** had phoned DC Hare, who should have dealt with Mr.******, and ‘told him I was verbally attacking him in the street.’ Mr ******’s arrogance in doing that, phoning the officer who was supposed to deal with him abusing me, and DC Hare actually trying to shut me up on ******’s behalf seems incredibly wrong.
Why was Mr ****** allowed to ask the DC who should have taken action against him to shut me up? I want something done about Mr.******, I am certain from things that he and his wife said, that he has abused before, and will again, he is very clever, hence me being punished for his crimes, and will get round the tiny mark on his CRB check, which has in big letters next to it ‘his victim is trouble’.
 I will shut up when something has been done about my abuser.  I don’t think it’s fair if it has been recorded on my CRB check instead.
DC Hare said that what ****** did was bad but not criminal  (so I am being told that sexual assault is not criminal on a disabled person?), and I am the one in danger of a criminal record, why? I am being told that Mr.****** adopting me to Abuse me, damaging me and letting me bear his wife’s fury, and throwing me away when I spoke up is my fault and the police couldn’t care less.
I was also not happy with Mr. LeClaire discussing things about me with DC Hare without my permission, but that is Mr. LeClaire’s fault. He works for Autism Jersey and wants to be on good terms with the police, hence his backing DC Hare and reference to the police being marvellous in his article where he talked about me in the paper against my wishes, that article was also without my permission and against my will, but that is Mr. LeClaire’s fault, I am in support of Mr. LeClaire’s marvellous advocacy of autistic people, but confused about some things he does.
DC Hare hasn’t clarified some things and I was too intimidated by the meeting, what did ****** admit to? If he admitted to sexual things, why are they not criminal? If he didn’t, he still did all those things, why does DC Hare believe ****** over me and stand up for him? If ****** admitted to doing some of those things to help me, why is that believed?  I feel that Mr.****** set up a situation where he could get gratification from me. Mr ****** continues in his role as church officer and works with young mothers and Yacht club cadets, he has taken no responsibility for what he has done to me, he and his wife have left me devastated. Mr ******’s excuse of doing things to ‘help me’ is made very believable by his demeanour, but it could not possibly be true, I know from living with him as his daughter that he is very sexual and has a huge problem with boundaries.
I don’t expect you to understand this, but my faith in God was central to my life, it has been destroyed by the ******s, I wanted to belong to a family, Mr ****** called me his ‘daughter’ and then I was thrown away when I started to speak up and Mr ****** denied everything, these things have hurt me more than anyone can imagine, my background was from poverty and abuse, violence and neglect, but I lived on faith and hope, that has been taken from me by these things and I have been left devastated by these things.
I don’t understand the results of my complaint, I feel that I have been called a liar, I have been traumatised and devastated, my abuser has walked away calling me a liar, the police are on his side and I expect to be arrested again and treated brutally for standing up for myself.
DC Hare did explain at the meeting that it is on Mr.******’s CRB check in the ‘greyline’ because what Mr.****** did was ‘bad but not criminal’I don’t understand what this means, does this mean it’s ok for Mr.****** to abuse because he has friends in the police? I am also concerned what this has done to my CRB check because the police are hostile to me, why is my abuser walking around laughing and calling me a liar? Lying about something like that would be horrific for me, being called a liar of something like this is horrific, I am the one suffering massively for this, for the crime of reporting my abuser, I am the one who was locked up and had my arms and brain hurt, why am I the one in massive trouble and why was I arrested for my abusers crimes?

My continued concern and request for further action has been totally ignored by DC Hare, and since I couldn’t understand his explanation of all this, I asked him for someone who could, and the address of the police complaints department, that was also ignored.
I also remain confused about being told firstly there was not enough evidence to prosecute Mr.******, then being told that he had admitted to a lot of things but because he ‘did them to help me’ it was bad not criminal’, I was not told what he admitted to, but probably not the more serious sexual things, but if he admitted to anything, why is he walking around laughing and calling me a liar while I am still suffering? I really want something done.
I have done my best to protect other vulnerable people, I do not expect to be arrested for it, but I wouldn’t be surprised.`
I am not Jersey born, I know about Haute de LA Garenne, is this just normal Jersey justice? Should I pipe down and wait for the police to think of another excuse to thrash me for being autistic yet speaking up about being mistreated? Am I going to be named and shamed in the paper?

Can you help me with my concerns please?

Sincerely,

****** ******

Anything and everything

I am considering doing a linked blog to my childhood story, which is fully written.

But I thought to get back into the Jersey story, I will try to do a brief chronology.

It was  July 2008 when I arrived in Jersey.
I met the churchwarden in July or August.

The Churchwarden 'adopted' me within weeks of meeting me.

It was October or november he first introduced inappropriate touch,
and he had already been talking inappropriately. 

It was November that the Churchwarden got me to go and live with them,
but he was already behaving wrongly, and churchpeople had observed him
holding my hand, hugging me etc, but done nothing, while his wife disapproved.

There was a disasterous Christmas, described elsewhere,
and immediately after this, the Churchwarden's behaviour got much more inappropriate.

I became sick with depression and was told that it was a virus by doctors,
who had no idea what was going on.
 The churchwarden's wife went on about me 'beating myself up'
But never told me what it meant.

By March 2008, I had referred myself to Autism Jersey and
was having counselling, but not feeling any better,
Being regressed when my original childhood was so bad
was as bad as the sexual abuse

The counsellor told me that what the churchwarden was doing was wrong
and told me to slap him on the nose when he crossed boundaries
but didn't completely realise that my sense of boundaries was impaired.

In April/May, I was actively looking for a new home and 
the Churchwarden's wife, though openly resenting me,
was helping me look,
while her husband was talking about how
I would come round for supper every day when I left
which neither I nor his wife, agreed with


I was still suffering stress and depression
as you will see in the 'year of emails' 
when I launch it on the blog.

I moved out without saying goodbye
and tried to cope with life
after being part of a family
while the churchwarden sought incorrect advice
from a group who mess with lives and use God's name in vain
'The walk of 1000 men
chauvenist charismatic evangelicals
who are like rabid wolves 
after souls but with no concern for human welfare

the churchwarden had told me in detail
how he had been inappropriate with 
young women during partaking in
this dangerous charismatic rubbish

By summer 2008, my life was in collapse
From summer 2008 to Autumn 2010
I fought the church of england in vain to do something
about the abuse and subsequent cover up and discrediting of me
but I ended up homeless and with a criminal record instead.

The church, to this day, prefer destroying me rather than dealing 
with my side of things and my abusers.
And they use my distress and mustrust against me 
to continue to villify me.

 

 

 

Abuse Victim treated badly by church

The man in the picture looks like Philip Bailhache.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/10/church-accused-no-concern-abuse-victim?CMP=twt_gu

choose between college and fighting back to the diocese of Winchester

Well the list of things that I have lost due to the Diocese of Winchester is already incredibly long.

And trying to go to college is pointless with the record the diocese gave me.

And Now, with flu and the Deanery and Diocese relaunching their efforts, and the awful anniversary that reminds me that I will never be whole again.

I had to choose between college and fighting back.

College is no great loss, I was too tired and hopeless to go anyway, but it was part of the plan to rebuild my life as best I could, that started before the diocese relaunched on me.

So I quit college, because the diocese wont let me alone to have my new life, such as it was.

Their refusal to withdraw Heather Steel is a statement of that.

And so I have to continue to fight her dishonest and wrong involvement and anything else the deanery and diocese throw at me.

This was my complaint against the Diocese, it has not been answered as yet, I wrote it as I prepared to leave the enquiry as I was not being communicated with and nothing was explained and Steel is conflicted

Formal complaint about the handling of the Winchester Diocese/Jersey Deanery Investigation:


(2013)

• During March this year I was contacted by the police on behalf of the Diocese of Winchester, this should not have happened, considering the way the Diocese have had me detained and brutalized by the police, they should not have had me traced, if you have someone brutalized for contacting you, even if it was only responding to you and legitimately trying to get a complaint dealt with, then you should not trace that person and provoke them.
• The shock was great but the Diocese were not forthcoming even with an apology for the shock. They were vague even as to why they had traced me.
• It was some time later that I saw that the Dean had been suspended and the ‘apologies’ in the paper.
• The Diocese have continued to be vague and unhelpful, I do not understand why they traced me just to be unhelpful. I was kind of wanting to be grateful about the apologies but also knowing that they were shallow and just words.
• My deep and serious concern was that they were going to continue meddling in my life behind my back as they did in Jersey and Winchester, and the horror would simply re-start, the cycle of interventions, hurts to me, response to me and police attacks for my response.
• And the response I got from them made me sure this was what was going to happen, the Bishop randomly threatened me with court orders and refused to elaborate on what court order he was threatening me with and why! Seeing as he had traced me, why was he now threatening me? He should have left me alone! That remains the case.
• I heard, through the Jersey bloggers that the problem was that five years too late, the Diocese had decided to look at my complaint and suspend the Dean.
• Thankfully, Bob Hill and the Jersey bloggers got involved, and from them I learned that this was about a report called the Korris report.
• Now the Bishop had more people watching him and watching me, he didn’t seem to interested in bullying me and making threats. 
• The Korris report though, was so awful and inaccurate that it nearly drove me to suicide, so did Bob’s questioning of me about my side of things, so here I was, dragged into a nightmare.
• The Bishop went silent after I replied to his threats telling him that if he was to have me arrested then the press were to be alerted and told that he had arrested the person he was claiming to apologize to. I asked him to confirm that his diocese would not intervene and he and the Diocese tried to make me out to be asking for withdrawal of contact, not withdrawal of intervention.
•  There never was any apology or clarity from the Diocese, they appeared to have traced me because they had been put under pressure to, not because they had anything to say or any support to offer.
• The Diocese asked nothing about my circumstances, showed no sign of caring, fluffed some words about being sorry, not an apology, and told me that the Dean would not be reinstated without an enquiry.
• Shortly after that the Dean was reinstated without an enquiry
• The same day, the Bishop answered my question about intervention from the Diocese, he sent a subject box saying ‘no unsolicited intervention -confirmed’ he knew I would not open an email from him after his threat.
•  There was no message from the Bishop as to why he had waited until the day he reinstated the Dean to say that, there was no warning to me that he was reinstating the Dean and no passing on of the Dean’s very empty and meaningless apology that was never sent to me.
• The hate campaign against me from the Deanery of Jersey did not stop when the Dean was reinstated and the Bishop did nothing about it.
• The hate campaign included a one-sided meeting where the Deanery attacked the Diocese and used me as a scapegoat.
• Basically, within months of being traced I was vilified, threatened, had received no genuine apologies, had seen the Archbishop and Bishop bow to the Jersey authorities and seen the Dean reinstated as a result.
•  Due to the threats, the lack of any form of acceptable apology, the Bishop telling me that the Dean would not be reinstated and then reinstating him without warning or investigation, my feelings towards the Diocese were not good, they had handled this badly.
• Bob Hill had also been messed about, now acting as my mediator he had been untruthfully or incorrectly told by the Diocese that the Bishop was not reinstating the Dean that day. It showed that the Diocese had not changed under the new Bishop.
• So, so far, shocking tracing through the police, no real explanation, apology or sympathy from the Diocese, threats, inconsistency about reinstatement of the Dean, all of this not good for me, and the hate campaign in Jersey wounding me, as it still is.
• The Korris report was written without my views, and my email addresses were known to the Diocese, so instead of tracing me to have my views added, which they or Jan korris had done, they had the report done and then traced me through the police. Maybe the reasoning was that I had blocked Jane Fisher and it was claimed I blocked the Diocese when I only blocked Jane. 
• The police tracing me under my new identity for the Diocese has left me shocked and frightened and I am still waiting to hear exactly how DC Jonathan Swift has damaged my personal life by tracing me, ie, how he traced me. 
• The Diocese have damaged me from the outset of this by tracing me through the police.
• The Bishop launched an investigation/visitaion into the findings of the Korris report, but made no attempt to let me know about this or explain it, nor did he let Bob know on my behalf.
• The Bishop claimed in the press to have apologized to me personally, which was very distressing as he had not personally apologized and has not personally apologized, and this has been very annoying.
• The first half of the visitation was to be led by John Gladwin, but the Terms of Reference have been and are very vague, I don’t understand them.
• The second part of the investigation is led by Dame Heather Steele and is conflicted by her being a close colleague of some of the judicial and political figures that have either been involved negatively or who are involved negatively in the campaign against me in support of the Dean.
• The Bishop has refused to acknowledge this conflict or withdraw Dame Steele from the enquiry. He also, until the last minute, very recently, refused to release her terms of reference, and now released, they are very vague.
• I refuse to be involved in that side of the enquiry, so the result will not be balanced, although the conflict would mean it would be hard to balance it anyway.
•  Dame Steele made a callous and incongruent attempt to access my records through my former advocate who didn’t represent me at all well in October 2010. She had no right to do so, and her vague terms of reference do not state anything about her investigating my records. This was a violation and another insult on top of all the others.
• I started a blog about this whole disaster but have withdrawn it as it doesn’t help.
• I have been treated all along as if I am an object, my feelings, thoughts and input are not being taken into account, the Bishop has been unhelpful, untruthful, and not in any way sympathetic or helpful, he has refused to respond to Bob Hill or communicate via Bob Hill even though Bob is my mediator.
• Five months have now gone by since the police traced me, and I am still unclear as to why I have been traced, I have received no personal apologies, I have been threatened, I have had a hate campaign directed at me, I have had no clarity from the Diocese as to what they expect from me, I have had no kindness, no helpfullness, no clarity from them,I have been put under exceptional stress because of this matter and have had my life and therapy disrupted. 
• And because this response to my complaint is five years too late and slapdash and lacking in any clarity, I do not know why they bothered, it is in the past, and even now, judging by the mess and the nastiness, it isn’t even going to be resolved, and there is very little that can recompense me for the hate campaign and Korris report and how I have been damaged through those. And it will not undo the damage done, five years later and the other side of police brutality and a criminal record.
• Tim Dakin claims to be persuing the Jersey matter because Vulnerable people need to be treated properly, but he has treated me like dirt and not even taken my condition, both homeless-wise nor autism-wise into account, and thus I wonder if Bob is right, that this is not about me but about issues between the Diocese of Winchester and the Deanery of Jersey, in which case, his dragging me into this is even worse, because I am just a pawn. 
• If the Bishop cares about vulnerable people, why has he handled me so badly? Is it because Jane Fisher is advising him? I am most annoyed and keep having new shocks launched on me and it is doing uncontrolled damage
• So in three weeks time I am leaving the investigation/visitation, and if anyone wants further information, statements or interviews, they need to arrange them quickly.
• 
  
• This is my complaint into being traced and the investigation and ‘apologies’, I want it reviewed and replied to, but not in five years time! 

Dear Heather Steel,

I gather, despite my formal complaints against your involvement that you have continued to be involved in my complaint despite the fact that you are conflicted.

Basically you have hijacked the complaint and because of the fact that you are conflicted and thus I am unable to give evidence because a) you already have an agenda that is nothing to do with upholding my complaint, and b) I do not want to meet you because you are not credible and are close friends of people who have harmed me, you should not be involved and are continuing to harm me by your involvement.

Why should I give evidence to you when it has been made very clear to me that you are conflicted, not least in the advertisement in the JEP by the laity of the Jersey churches, who name you as representing them and provide your contact details as such, and when questioned about this by Bob Hill and others, you have no answer.

Bob tells me that all of a sudden, after total silence for months, you have made contact with him, claiming you never got his emails, how coincidental, Dame Steel, how coincidental, coming just after my BBC Jersey report and Bob's blog about you. 

Dame Steel, why would I give evidence to someone as dishonest as you? You have hijacked my complaint, you are known to be conflicted, and you are known to be a close colleague of Senator Bailhache who ran a shameful, unchristian and deeply bigoted and unchristian smear campaign against me on behalf of the Dean, who has done wrong.

Tell me, if you are representing the Jersey church, as you were advertised as doing, in an advertisement  by the church laity, (who were amusingly anonymous but I can name them and so can a number of people), why are you asking for my evidence?

Basically I am as intimidated by you and your involvement as many witnesses in Jersey are by your involvement and they wont step forward because they know you are conflicted and they fear your close colleague Senator Bailhache, because there are many examples of lives ruined for speaking up.

You are not just conflicted but you are unbalancing an enquiry and ensuring that it is not fair or impartial, your recent contact with Bob Hill is nothing short of a joke.

Firstly, I have asked you to withdraw, I have asked the police, the Diocese and the OJC to ensure that you withdraw, because you are preventing justice, you have hijacked my complaint and prevented me from giving evidence and I have no confidence in you whatsoever, especially as you have been openly advertised as representing the Jersey church, the JEP advert where you are named as their representative is available to all, and it is how I Got your contact details, because you had no intention of getting in contact with me.

Your reply to my outrage was to coldly call me Miss *****. (not my name)

This was after you rudely and illegally attempted to access my court records through my former advocate who failed me and let the diocese of Winchester destroy me.

You didn't introduce yourself to me or ask me before attempting to access my records. You simply violated my privacy, dragged me back to the advocate who let me down and tried to illegally get my records.

You will undoubtedly claim in your report that I refused to speak to you, but this email is to be published on the blog I run in answer to your rape-like violations of my life and privacy and the harm you are doing and will do to me on behalf of the church in Jersey who you are representing at the same time as hijacking my complaint against them.

The reason I will not give evidence to Dame Heather Steel is because she is conflicted, has been rude to me and is named as representing the Jersey churches in a full page advertisement in the JEP, she has caused me deep pain by attempting to access my court records through my former advocate without my permission, thus dragging me back into the past and the horror of that biased trial where I had no voice. Dame Steel has no concern whatsoever for my distress, just as the Diocese do not, and I am being severely psychologically harmed both by her continued involvement while she is named as representing the other side and also by her rudeness, dishonesty, and refusal to withdraw, while the police and OJC have not withdrawn her, even though this is a formal complaint, and there is no way the police or anyone else can justify continuing to invalidate it, and the harm being inflicted by waiting for her biased report that continues the damage that the Korris report did, I must not be made to suffer another day of waiting for Steel to harm me in the complaint she hijacked. She is to be withdrawn.

I the complainant object to her involvement as she is conflicted and has hijacked my complaint, I the complainant have a right to call for her withdrawal, if this complaint is anything other than a farce, then why have my concerns not been addressed? Dame Steel has made no attempt to allay anyone's concerns, nor has the Diocese, nor have the police, and in the case of Jersey police's involvement, there is also a conflict of interests, but again, the diocese refused to even respond to our concerns.

I forbid your enquiry again and I again bring this matter to the police and OJC as a formal complaint and I now say that I am making this a formal complaint of harassment against Dame Heather Steel, the police are obliged to stop this woman from inflicting further harm on me as they have failed so far to do, there is no reason for me to go on living under the stress of this dishonest and conflicted woman's violation of me and interference in my complaint.

The Bishop has been told that she is conflicted and has been asked to withdraw her, in this email he is being asked again to withdraw her, as are the police and the OJC.

I enclose links to my blog and Bob's blog about this matter.

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/

I hereby officially and formally complain, to the police, the OJC and any other parties who read this, that Dame Steel's continued hijack of my complaint is a criminal offence of harassment because it is harming my health and character and because she is representing the deanery of Jersey, who my complaint was about, and she is advertised as representing them and has made no effort to either explain why or refute the advert where they put her forward as their representative.

I do not have Dame Steel's date of Birth or address for this complaint, but as the police know who judge Dame HEather Steel is, they cannot use the lack of detail to excuse negligence and refuse to make this woman withdraw from harassing me as a result, after all, they have repeatedly beaten and imprisoned me purely for trying to get the Diocese to deal with my complaint and bring justice. So there is no excuse whatsoever for Dame Steel to be harrassing me in response to a complaint made five years ago that is none of her business.

ps. I am not taking my blog down, I suffered two unfair trials, having been beaten and imprisoned for the Diocese of Winchester, I was not able to give my evidence in those trials, my side of things, and this situation with a conflicted judge hijacking my complaint is no different from those trials and thus I will now speak through my blog, if anyone wants me arrested for that, then it is time that those who have done me harm and are doing me harm also face trial, especially Dame Steel and Jane Fisher.

sincerely,

Legal Abuse

This was posted by a reader of one of the Jersey blogs in response, it is very interesting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_abuse