I wrote honestly and putting other people in as good a light as I could, but I was very hurt and broken.
When someone in a position of authority takes a vulnerable person home and tries to mend them, they need to be responsible and act responsibly, or better still, not do it.
I was due to move on from Jersey to France in the autumn of 2007, after spending the planned summer in Jersey, but the churchwarden and vicar couples were the ones who asked me to stay and settle in Jersey.
Interesting that they, when exposed as doing wrong, made me out to be mad and bad, months of seeing me frequently, when did they decide I was mad and bad? Before or after persuading me to settle in Jersey and the Churchwarden taking me to his home?
Please remember, this statement is one of many and refers to incidents fully described elsewhere.
Names have been changed, as usual, please excuse if any accidentally aren't.
·
He ‘adopted’ me when he’d known me only two
weeks and hardly knew me, there was no real discussion about me being their
‘daughter’, but he and Churchwarden’s wife were at odds about from the
beginning. And I was to call them mummy and daddy, but to be excluded from their
family and family parties.
·
He shouldn’t have done therapy on me if he was
my daddy, he shouldn’t have done sexual therapy on me.
·
He and Churchwarden’s wife between them
repeatedly made me feel small and rubbish while making out that they were
helping me.
·
Churchwarden caused bigger problems between me and St. A’s
than there already were.
·
Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife have never apologised
for anything, not even Christmas, I was forbidden to talk about Christmas, but Churchwarden
talked about their side of Christmas to Vicar’s
wife, and I was very shocked, but I was ‘punished’ for reacting. I was down on
my knees apologising and trying to put everything right all the time, even
though I was reacting to the way I was being treated and the situation that Churchwarden
had created.
·
If Churchwarden casts any doubts on my integrity, it may be
that my former therapist can explain that I do have integrity, and explain any
of the things I do, she is highly skilled in trauma cases, but she should only
be contacted if necessary and please ask first, as she is retired due to health
problems. If Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s
wife had perfect integrity, then they would have talked this all through rather
than running for ‘advice’ and throwing me away.
·
July 07
Friendship started with Churchwarden ‘adopting’ me after 2 weeks
·
August, Churchwarden
was already talking about sex and there
was already a division between Churchwarden saying I was daughter and Churchwarden’s wife
being much more reluctant about that, I was expected to call her mummy though
and was ‘told off’ if I didn’t.
·
September,
by now Churchwarden was upsetting me and
I was struggling at St. A’s.
·
October,
I think Churchwarden ’s hand slips started then, and the emotional games were
happening.
·
November,
Churchwarden got me to live with
them, Churchwarden’s wife was reluctant,
and Churchwarden ’s games were starting
·
December,
a terrible Christmas where I was told that I would be welcome, but I spent most
of Christmas alone. Churchwarden went
through a very intensive phase of loving me in the week after Christmas, it
felt like he was trying to be my lover and I got confused.
·
January,
·
February08,
I was becoming quite depressed and unsettled.
·
March, a
very painful birthday, Churchwarden told
me before I went to England for my birthday that I was not daughter, but he and
Churchwarden’s wife sent me away with a card on my birthday that said I was
daughter, I was very miserable and hurt and confused. Churchwarden had another phase of being extremely intimate
with me as well, this was when he sat me on his lap on the sofa and was kissing
my lips goodnight and seemed excited.
March/April,
a row when I was told by Churchwarden that I wasn’t daughter and I lost my temper
and told Churchwarden’s wife that Churchwarden had said inappropriate things.
·
April,
there was a row when Churchwarden tried
once again to say I was in love with him, and I moved out without saying
goodbye, I was ill and refused to go back for supper for a week or two. I could
see no future for the friendship but I loved them, it was horrible, I was ill.
·
April/May, Mission and New Wine CI, Churchwarden attempted to ‘Guideline’ me, and I was
rejected from the ‘family’ when I reacted by saying that Churchwarden was causing some of my behaviour by what
he was doing. Churchwarden’s wife told me that they had ‘taken advice about me,
they never talked things through with me, despite an attempt at
reconciliation from my side after
‘repenting’ because of the way the Vicarwho was one of the people running New
Wine (CI), set up a situation where I was left feeling that I needed to change
my view and start afresh. When I went back to Churchwarden’s wife and Churchwarden
they pretended that I was their
daughter, it was a very see through pretence, and Churchwarden repeatedly told me very blatantly that Churchwarden’s
wife did not want me.
June/July, the deterioration continued and
the friendship ended as Churchwarden continued to get at me with Churchwarden’s
wife’s opinion and blaming me and my behaviour. He also caused great distress
by saying he had to discuss with the Vicar whether or not he could ‘continue
working with me’, there was very very clearly no ‘work’ between me and Churchwarden
, he had said I was daughter, and there was no therapy agreement.
Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife after the Guidelines
incident were not ‘mum’ and ‘Dad’ or ‘mummy’ and ‘daddy’, they never explained
or clarified this, but talking, on the phone, in emails, and any conversation
they called themselves by their names, I was not ‘daughter’ or ‘precious
daughter’ anymore, and though I went on loving Churchwarden as a father despite what he’d done, when I
said ‘daddy’ to him, I got sharp looks and no response, he would cuddle me if Churchwarden’s
wife wasn’t there, and would not cuddle me if she was. All of this was very
painful for me, I really felt that I had done great wrong, and that I was to
blame, and Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s
wife certainly encouraged those feelings with their opinions, me trying to make
it all ok I kept buying Churchwarden’s wife flowers and presents, trying to be
nice, but Churchwarden’s wife kept going on about my behaviour and the hurt was
unbearable, I could see no future, I had lost the adoptive family that ‘God had
sent me to’, I was a failure. Churchwarden had said in the past that God had sent me to
them, but Churchwarden never told me
that God had told them to throw me away when things went wrong, they were just
walking away and not concluding or healing anything, they knew I was ill, I
went to hospital, I lost my hair, I thought I would die from suicide or the
vomiting and the pressure in my head, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I spent
days wandering around not really knowing where I was, and I had to give up work
because I was no longer capable of work. Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife slammed me for not
working as well, even when I started work part time again when I was well
enough, my illness/work record are checkable. My hospital visits/hair loss are
checkable. My seeing therapist and speaking to former therapist are checkable,
and any doubts of my integrity can be settled by my former therapist in
England, please understand that I am not denying behaving badly, but it has
been in reaction to the way I have been treated. I have been in unimaginable
pain because of the way the churchwarden couple treated me, because of the way
they shared this mistreatment of me with the Vicar and his wife and any other
church people.
·
I have been to their church, looking for the
loving God that they took away from me. Trying to understand what they did to
me in the name of God.
·
I have attacked them verbally, the pain and
distress and the fact that they blamed me and walked away sent me out of
control.
·
I have had failed friendships before, I am told
that even normal people have, but I have never had a friendship like the one
that the Churchwarden couple did, nor do I have huge amounts of failed
friendships, at present I am counting three ‘true failures’ including the Churchwarden
couple and they have damaged other relationships of mine here, I have never
been ‘taken over’ and hurt to this level before, and the ‘family/not family’,
abuse and being controlled and maligned issue has wounded me more deeply than
anything ever has. I am sorry that I have reacted, I was dehumanised, could anyone
have done any better? The churchwarden couple never apologised, they were
outraged, wounded ‘Good Christians’, ‘only trying to help me’ and I ‘was so
ungrateful’.
·
·
When I wrote to Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife when I was house
sitting for their son, I wrote because problems with Churchwarden were occurring, this was in October/November
last year and Churchwarden had created a
situation where I was alone with him in a room, and had then said about people
talking, just after that he had told me off sharply for kissing his cheek as I
hugged him, ‘what will people think’, today I kissed my friend’s cheek after
the remembrance day service, I have known her since I was seventeen, no one,
not me, not her, not anyone imagines that anything inappropriate is happening
there, it is ridiculous that Churchwarden was playing with my emotions like that, yet
when I wrote to them I was told off, I wrote because speaking about these
things is hard for me, but I was told off, called a few names by Churchwarden’s
wife and told that my letters would be burned, Churchwarden kept a file of my letters, and I took the file
off them when I left (Some of these have been gathered together and handed to
the police, including the above letters), but the churchwarden couple will have
a very big file of my letters and emails since the friendship hit trouble, some
of which are cruel and terrible because I have been so ill and hurt, they
showed the Dean the letters and emails when they saw him, before I got to see
him, and basically ensured that the Dean was unwilling to help me, he told me
that they were sitting in his study distressed and sorrowful, but Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife always blamed me, they
showed no sorrow with me as they turned away without an apology and left me
with the blame.
·
For some reason Churchwarden thought it was alright for him to phone my
friend JM, to try and justify what he did as ‘therapy’, even a trained
therapist with a clear contract with a client must never be sexual with a
client, and a member of family cannot be a therapist to another member of
family. I really had no idea what was happening with Churchwarden , he called
me daughter and I wanted a father, I wanted to belong to a family, especially a
Christian family, the boundaries that Churchwarden moved and moulded constantly confused and
disorientated me, right from the beginning, but I was blamed, always, Churchwarden
was there, dominating, gently touching,
telling me that I was wrong and my reactions were ‘not from God’, he was ‘the
man’, ‘in charge’, I heard him say many times to people about other things and
situations that ‘he was always right’. Churchwarden didn’t phone me to explain and apologise, he
phoned Reverend JM without my permission, broke into a long standing friendship and damaged it, he, and then Churchwarden’s
wife told JM ‘all the terrible things I had been doing’, and JM, who has her
own way of thinking, and doesn’t believe in Asbergers Syndrome, tried to tell
me off, and got deeply involved, caused further misunderstandings, and my
friendship with her (she was like a mother to me) is irreparably damaged, I
have known JM since I was a teenager and she was incredibly precious to me,
despite truly not understanding autism, the effects of abuse etc, I wouldn’t
even say that my friendship with JM was always free of problems, her husband
has a violent temper and I was the victim of that for many years and wont miss
it, but there was plenty of love and mutual senses of humour between me and JM,
and I adored and respected her, losing JM is very grave for me, and it is
another violation like Churchwarden getting Jonathan Mortimer’s advice and trying
to put me under guidelines . JM also believes that abusers are just victims
themselves, I don’t sexually abuse, so its no excuse.
·
JM
talking to me after Churchwarden had
talked to her, mentioned something about Churchwarden ’s workplace, as if she
was telling me that Churchwarden had
said I had been going up there to pester him, Churchwarden encouraged me to go to his work, he took me to
his work even, that was where I heard him say several ‘I am always right’ s
when people queried things he’d done. It was also in one of Churchwarden ’s
Romeril’s warehouses, building a trolley for church, that Churchwarden first asked me about being raped, I ran away
from him and hid behind a solid object, he came after me, ‘you were raped
weren’t you? Yes you were, weren’t you, come here’ Churchwarden took me in his arms, I was very very ashamed,
I couldn’t speak and I was close to tears, I couldn’t look up, I kept my head
down and hid again when he let me go. Then he wanted to know if I’d had a baby
and he told me that he’d heard that women felt dirty and ashamed when they’d
been raped. Churchwarden built a trolley
and I stayed hiding but I raced the trolley round the empty warehouse like a
skateboard when he’d finished.
Churchwarden told Churchwarden’s
wife that I’d told him I’d been raped, she was upset, I told Churchwarden’s
wife that I hadn’t been whinging to Churchwarden about my past, that Churchwarden had been questioning me.
Why did Churchwarden need to know
that I’d been raped? Churchwarden’s wife had already said ‘no more questions’,
why didn’t Churchwarden make sure
someone else was there when he questioned me? As when he tried to put
guidelines on me, Churchwarden was
alone, being ‘The man’.
When I was alone with Churchwarden at St. A’s helping with maintenance work, Churchwarden
would stop work and cuddle me, he was
always talking about ‘people talking’ and ‘what will people think’, yet he
wanted to cuddle me where people could turn up and did, I liked lots of
cuddles, like a little child with her father, but I couldn’t cope with the
‘what will people think?’ I had no idea how to react, he was pressing the fears
onto me and I didn’t know what to do. How could he blame me for everything when
he was hurting me like this?
·
Churchwarden talked about the announcements columns, about
people having illegitimate babies, I agreed that it was nothing to be proud of,
but judge not, you don’t know what happened, Churchwarden laughed and said ‘oh, the girl knew what
happened’, I told him what if one of those children was created by forcing but
the mother decided to be proud of the child anyway. Judge not.
·
·
Churchwarden will probably have any ‘witnesses’ to his kind
and cuddly behaviour at St. A’s briefed to support him, he is a saint there, he
runs the church for the vicar, it utterly amazed me that the vicar has one
church, he doesn’t bother with Saturday Prayer services, he leaves the
Churchwardens to run most of the formal Sunday services, while he just gets up
to do a very poor sermon in the middle, sometimes he doesn’t even do that,
there is a reader, Churchwarden ’s best friend, Neville Brooks, who was with Churchwarden
when he was dismissed from (the previous
church) and moved with him to St. A’s.
‘I am leading the service’ said Churchwarden proudly, and he does, or the other
churchwarden does. This Vicar has one
church, JM has five and tries to be everywhere, truly makes herself ill trying
to be everywhere, look after everyone and run everything properly. She leads
the services, Yet this vicar timeserves and makes a disabled person in his
congregation feel so rubbish that they leave.
·
The Vicar was on the leadership of New Wine
Channel Islands and set the situation up to suit him.
·
Does this matter at all? It’s probably irrelevant
and innocent, Churchwarden was reading a
dodgy email from a girl, it looked like a junk email, he was just sitting there
looking at it, it was a seductive email saying she was waiting to hear back
from him. Churchwarden minimised it when
I came to talk to him, later he mentioned it to Churchwarden’s wife at teatime,
not the content, he said that he had been getting lots of junk email, he said
to me ‘you saw one of the junk emails, didn’t you ******?’ I don’t know how
frustrated Churchwarden is, I don’t
care, as long as he never hurts anyone with it.
·
Churchwarden talked about spanking my bottom sometimes, one
time he was offering to do that I told him it was wrong but that I gave him the
benefit of the doubt about his thoughts about me, he didn’t say anything. He
did slap my bottom gently when I was on the sofa, resting against him, and he
did stroke and touch my bottom, he will just have included it in his healing
touch and deny that he was doing anything wrong though.
·
I am sure that at least some of Churchwarden ’s
hugs could just be innocent and loving hugs, and maybe he just wanted to help
me, but he hurt me and Churchwarden’s wife hurt me and the vicar and his wife hurt
me and they all walked off and left me hurting, and made out that I was the one
in the wrong.
·
Any comments on belly? ‘Splatbelly’ was when I
would gently slap Churchwarden ’s belly, he has a round splattable belly (I was
a little girl with her daddy), Churchwarden did ‘Biting horse’ which was pinching his hand
together on my knee, this was equal to splatbelly in teasing and pain, and
these two things were revenge for each other. Resting my head on Churchwarden ’s
belly was what he taught me, I would lie on the sofa with my head cuddled into
his belly, thumb in mouth and the rest of my hand resting on him, he also
encouraged me to rest my head on his lap, he didn’t mind me resting my head close
to his body on his lap, facing him, but I minded and would only rest away from
him with my head facing his knees, even little girl knew that there were
boundaries somewhere and that he was a man. Churchwarden’s wife was in the room
and accepted or ignored this closeness so I thought it was ok. Churchwarden’s
wife never cuddled up to Churchwarden on
the sofa, if they were together on the sofa, Churchwarden’s wife tended to stay
the opposite end of the sofa, but that seems to be Churchwarden’s wife likes
space in the evenings and she was always tired, in the mornings at breakfast Churchwarden
and Churchwarden’s wife were very cuddly
and intimate in the kitchen though.
·
When I kissed Churchwarden on the cheek when he hugged me goodbye on the
way to work one day he said, ‘Are you getting fresh with your daddy?’ I was
startled, Churchwarden’s wife was there in the room I don’t know if she saw the
kiss, I was not getting fresh (means being naughty?), I was kissing my daddy
goodbye. How could he even begin to imply that I would misbehave with him in
front of his wife What did he think Churchwarden’s wife would think? Why would
he make a comment like that when he knew that Churchwarden’s wife was unsettled
about ‘daughter’ Why did he tend to kiss my lips or neck when Churchwarden’s
wife wasn’t there? One time I kissed his cheek he said, ‘Oh I mustn’t kiss you
back, it wouln’t be right’ an dhe said something about me waiting for a
boyfriend, digusting man. I NEVER kissed him sexually and my kisses were not
sexual, sexuality was the last thing I was thinking. I thought I’d found my
daddy, a confusing, charming, distressing daddy. He seemed to almost want me to
misbehave, but I couldn’t. My kisses to his cheeks were innocent and seeing as
he was so tactile, if his touch me was innocent, why did he think that my
kisses were not? especially as he never withdrew the touch and holding when he
slammed me for kissing him, he never stopped hugging me when he accused me of
‘being in love with him’ I was the one who occasionally withdrew hugs when he
was tormenting me by ‘oh the wife is upset with us hugging so much’, etc, and
his kisses to my lips and neck, what was I supposed to think? And he obviously
made Churchwarden’s wife think that there was a problem, Churchwarden emotionally tortured me, I could not misbehave with him, it is like smoking and getting
drunk, I cannot do it, and I was being criminalised, would you have known what
to do? If you had been me, autistic, thinking God had answered your prayers for
a family, behaving honourably with a very loving very confusing daddy and a
mummy who didn’t want a daughter but wanted to help ‘as a good Christian’.
Would you have left them or gone mad? Would you have shrugged it all off, seen
better, walked away, I thought they were the wonderful Christian family I
looked for, they helped me, took me over, I was theirs, but I wasn’t really
‘family’, I had to stop existing on Christmas eve, and when it was Churchwarden
’s stepmother’s party, the ironic thing is, Churchwarden ’s stepmother took his
dad away and left Churchwarden ’s mother to raise four children in poverty, Churchwarden
’s mother died because she went without food in order to feed her children
apparently, according to Churchwarden’s wife, but Churchwarden ’s brother
arranged a nice party for the stepmum, and Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife went along with their
daughter in law, granddaughter etc, left me at home, I wasn’t to exist that
day, I wasn’t good enough even though I would never take a man from his wife, I
was non-existent, but Churchwarden’s wife talked about the party for days, how
the little granddaughter had so much fun, me being only an adoptive daughter
was not deserving of any good things, fun, parties, I couldn’t even exist,
especially after Christmas after I had done such great wrong in walking out
after Churchwarden’s wife rejected me.
·
They have the Birthday Card they gave me, I sent
it back, it says precious daughter, but Churchwarden sent me away for my birthday saying I ‘wasn’t
daughter’, he said to me ‘not precious daughter now, precious person’, and this
was how it was for months daughter/not daughter, and I was always not daughter
with family and excluded from parties.
·
Churchwarden’s wife wanted me to just go away,
she was saying to Churchwarden ‘maybe ******
should go on travelling, as she planned to’. Churchwarden’s wife didn’t like me
having opinions, ok my opinion of not liking newsreaders playing with emotions
is strong, Churchwarden’s wife knew I was autistic, the excess emotion annoyed
me, but Churchwarden’s wife has strong opinions, she was raging and crying
about Senator Syvret, Haute De La Garrene, all sorts of things, she ends up
crying and looking like death, one day she did that about me for some unknown
reason, and Churchwarden happily said to
me ‘You’ve made the wife ill!’ nothing else, no attempt to help, and I went to Churchwarden’s wife and tried to
comfort her, I certainly can’t ‘make people ill’, but Churchwarden’s wife had
her hands like claws and pushed me away, I was terrified and distressed, there
was no talk it through and after a day or two when I got home from work, Churchwarden’s
wife rushed to greet me, hugged me and hugged me though I was distressed and
afraid and wanted her to leave me alone, she had got me a big bar of chocolate
that I didn’t want so I put it in Churchwarden ’s supper, Churchwarden’s wife
kept talking to me and I wanted her to leave me alone, she was all nice nice
nice, but Churchwarden’s wife didn’t like me and I was afraid of her. Me to
blame? I just make people ill when they are kind to me? How can I live with
this, even now?
·
Why why why? the above paragraph, Churchwarden should not have brought me home to a wife who
did not want a daughter, especially not a disabled one, who had nothing, it was
very clear from the start that there was a division of opinions on me between Churchwarden
and Churchwarden’s wife, because they
were telling me different things about my ‘place in the family’, Churchwarden’s
wife said I would never be really like a daughter, and Churchwarden was saying that I was their adoptive daughter
and Churchwarden’s wife would get used to me but she didn’t and wouldn’t, she
loves her stylish well off daughters in law, because its all the latest
fashions, the gossip, the foreign countries, I was nothing, scruffy, quiet, not
interested in oneupmanship or complaining about things. But Churchwarden’s wife
wanted to be a ‘Good Christian’, which is why she tolerated me and shouted
about me when I wasn’t supposed to know. They had chosen to call me daughter, and
I was called daughter by Churchwarden , I was expected to call them Mummy and
Daddy or mum and dad by Churchwarden , I called them Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife (note I am replacing their names
with churchwarden and churchwarden’s wife) if anything was wrong and
got told off, Churchwarden’s wife didn’t want to be Mum, occasionally she went
through phases of really trying to be Mum, ‘oh we would do all this for the
boys you know’. But I was excluded from parties, I was just ‘left at home’ and Churchwarden’s
wife would talk and talk about these parties, she would have excluded me from
Christmas I believe, but I think Churchwarden got his way. I could have been in England for
Christmas, but I ended up alone for most of Christmas anyway, Churchwarden’s
wife got her way, but I was not allowed to talk about Christmas afterwards and
they didn’t apologise, even though Churchwarden talked to Vicar’s wife about Christmas and
made me sick.
·
Then I was dumped when I said Churchwarden had been naughty, I was no longer precious
daughter, these ‘good christians’ dumped me rather than take any
responsibility.
·
I did react badly to things they did, said,
shouted, (since reporting them)I did react to the way St. A’s Church treated me. How was I supposed
to deal with it all? They were ‘helping’ me, but how could I take all the
things they did, said, blamed on me? I couldn’t, and I wanted to be ‘part of
the family’ Churchwarden brought me into
the family and I really really wanted to belong with these smart, intelligent,
secure people, to be loved good enough and belong, but I couldn’t, smashed
dreams. I got them presents at Christmas, birthdays, mothers day, fathers day,
I suffered a very serious rejection from Churchwarden’s wife at mothers day and
I took the cards and put them in the bin(I got her two cards, and chocolate and
flowers), I tried to be ok and understand how to be, but I was always wrong and
hurting. At my birthday I went to England because Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife were going to their
sons wedding, they threw some money at me as a birthday present and I was sad,
and Churchwarden said I wasn’t daughter
and I was depressed, ill and crying for
my birthday and easter in England, especially when I opened the card that said
‘daughter’, when I got back I didn’t want to be there, Churchwarden kept on at me ‘you’re pleased to be back,
you’re pleased to be back aren’t you’, I wasn’t but Churchwarden is a steamroller so I had to answer yes, Churchwarden’s
wife was in a bad mood when I got back, they had just got back and Churchwarden’s
wife was snapping but Churchwarden said
‘she does that when she’s tired’. Not long after that there was the row on the
landing ‘Why does St. A’s Church think I am a slut when Churchwarden is the one being inappropriate, saying
inappropriate things?’ End of March?
·
I was confused about Churchwarden crossing boundaries, Churchwarden should have been more responsible, I wasn’t
too sure about what he was doing sometimes, but I haven’t had an adoptive daddy
before, especially not someone like Churchwarden , and I am told that not being
looked after properly by my real dad probably meant that I didn’t have a good
example set anyway so I was confused when Churchwarden was playing games with me, it would never have
been easy for me to walk away from Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife, it wasn’t even in the
end, I went back to them after New Wine, begged on my knees to still be
daughter, no apology from their side, me taking all the blame, even up until
July I couldn’t let go, though I was realising more and more that they had
really really hurt me.
·
I temporarily left Saint A’s, probably in March,
I was feeling so small and wounded and I had lost sight of God, I even stopped
going to St. ***** or any church for a few weeks, but St.**** people actually
made a fuss and made sure I went back, aren’t they amazing? My faith was low
but they truly cared about me and wanted me to be ok, they have kept praying
and helping me. I started going to St. A’s after New Wine, because I felt that
maybe I’d been wrong, maybe they were right, because of the manipulated
situation at New Wine. But St. A’s got no better for my fresh approach, and
after I left Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s
wife, I went to St***** and was so overwhelmed with the quality of service
there that I wrote to the vicar saying how wonderful I had found the church, I
went to St. A’s a few more times, and was sad and depressed by it and by the
way I was treated. I cried through the last time I was there, and I have been
up there and upset their prayers on Saturday a few times by telling God about Churchwarden
, sorry, I have stopped doing that.
Churchwarden will undoubtedly use all my furious letters
in his defence, and a shredded photograph of him and me, I wrote on the back
about him ‘f*****g with his daughter’s mind and body’, that was one of the
photographs he sent me to England with just before christmas, ‘show your friends
the pictures of you with mummy and daddy’, he really did say it, but then there
was my rejection from his family at Christmas and the stepmums party, how would
you cope? Being told to tell your friends about mummy and daddy, then being
very deliberately excluded at family occasions and the party on Christmas eve,
I was alone most of Christmas eve night, they hadn’t told me that I would be, Churchwarden’s
wife made a feeble lie about they’d been running errands, they hadn’t, they’d
been to a party with their son.
·
Any ‘problems I have ever had in churches before
have been minor, trying to understand church when I first started going,
wanting to help out with things but feeling that I was overlooked (I did help
in the end), being afraid of church because of my background, seeing a
respected youth and mission leader arrested for child abuse and child porn,
having other well meaning couples getting too involved in ‘running my life’ –
NEVER to the extent that Churchwarden and Churchwarden’s wife have, and I was not
sexually abused or completely controlled by either of these other two couples,
and the amount of friends I have made in church and out of church who there are
NO problems with is endless, there are millions of them, like ants, are my
friends like ants? Thats a bit rude of me.
·
But I like lots of space too, because I am
autistic. I prefer to live with other people rather than being alone, but I
like privacy and running my own life.
·
I have a
bit of a quick temper but I have to be annoyed or afraid to get cross, I tend
to be very submissive and apologetic if I am told off for an error, but my
temper comes out when someone keeps on at me or is being unreasonable, or if I
feel trapped or unfairly blamed, people do blame me and my problems for their
errors occasionally and my self esteem is very very low, attacking Churchwarden
and Churchwarden’s wife is not all self
righteousness it is very very deep pain, their image is ‘Good Holy Christians’
but what they did to me is not good or holy, Churchwarden using sexuality on me could not just have been
‘Righteous, blameless healing’, he must have been enjoying it, and he, as a
Christian and a married man, should have known better, he told JM he was trying
to heal my sexually based problems with sexuality or something. Churchwarden could have helped me by contributing to my
very high therapy fees if he’d cared, not told me about his sex life while I
was on his knee like a child, not terrified me by pinning me down or distressed
me by asking about rape, then slamming me for my distress about these things,
therapists cannot punish their clients for reactions to therapy and daddies and
mummies cannot do therapy on their daughter. Why did Churchwarden need to do sexual and physical therapy, but
not talk through problems in the daddy, mummy and daughter relationship, why
didn’t he do church phobia therapy or mediate with Vicar and Vicar’s wife
therapy, it’s as if he wanted that rift there.
·
And why didn’t Churchwarden stop the therapy if he saw I was going
downhill? Nothing stopped until I moved out and Churchwarden’s wife seemed to
warn Churchwarden off a bit. Why
couldn’t they have apologised, I might be less angry, I was always apologising,
boosting their ‘we’re right, you’re wrong’ attitude.
·
Churchwarden told me that Churchwarden’s wife was
traumatised by me and close to a breakdown (it didn’t seem to matter that I was
traumatised by them and had had several
minor breakdowns), he said she was still traumatised by what happened at
St. ***** (I don’t know any details, he told me they were wrong in dismissing
him, they tell me that he was taking over pastoral care and doing things he had
no right to do.), Churchwarden said Churchwarden’s
wife didn’t want me alone with him and there was a danger that she would say
that he was to have no contact with me, Churchwarden left me to deal with this, Churchwarden’s wife
was being ok with me at the time, but after one more conversation like this,
when I had been in tears all day and Churchwarden callously went through a similar load of
comments, I emailed Churchwarden telling
him that he had done wrong and I couldn’t take the blame any more.
·
St. ***** still remember the upset of Churchwarden
being dismissed, I have never mentioned
it to them, but they talked about it during a conflict in church discussion, It
was the vicar before **** ****** who sacked him, and Churchwarden proudly told me that he stayed on some of the
committees for some time and ‘helped to choose **** ***** as vicar’, but he
told me that some people were angry that he stayed on after being sacked. ********
is a gentle, kind church, but the way Churchwarden talked about it when I was new to Jersey and
loved him as Daddy, I felt I hated them and never wanted to go there, as it is,
** ****** have been a lifeline to me and I am glad I sought refuge from the Churchwarden
couple and St. A’s there.
Until I was slandered and made unwelcome there as a result of reporting
the churchwarden, when the Churchwarden couple and Dean and Warrens and JM
liased to make me out to be something terrible. This statement was written
early on and Philip said it was a nightmare to read this because it is all
bitty.
·
Please don’t let the Vicar couple and the Churchwarden
couple hurt anyone else, they have totally and utterly rubbished me, I was on
my knees apologising because I didn’t realise that it couldn’t all be my fault,
the way they made me feel rubbish, unwanted, useless. They righteously ‘pray
about me’ Churchwarden’s wife told me they ‘pray about me’, but that was when
they’d thrown me away, and what is the point of hurting someone that much and
‘praying it all away’, the real God just doesn’t work that way, these church
leaders think they can be irresponsible and then pray away the damage they’ve
done, and I feel so far from God and so much beyond prayer because of them.
·
I was invited to do a ‘plumbline course’, which
is supposed to heal people with emotional problems, I went in to the course and
ran out again, it was run by the people who had done the ‘signs and wonders’ at
the beginning of my time at St. A’s, what they were doing was purely
frightening and dangerous, I had a minor breakdown that day. In contrast I went
to a taster evening run by the Bridge Pastoral Foundation, the courses offered
by them were also on emotional and spiritual healing but were neither
frightening nor dangerous, the courses were good solid stuff, rooted in real
Christianity and run in a way that really, even in that evening brought comfort
to me and distanced me from the terrors of St. A’s Church, brought me back
towards the God of Love, who I have lost and grieve for.
·
God of Love and Truth come back to me, don’t let
the Churchwarden couple and the Vicar couple throw this serious matter away as
rubbish, label me as trouble and walk on to hurt others. I do have problems but
the Churchwarden couple seem to have been able to use Your Name to leave me
broken beyond hope while taking no responsibility and I can’t let them do this
to others, Lord have mercy. Amen
My faith was only restored by the Catholics
in the years after being made homeless, but remains shaky as I wonder why God
has allowed my background, the suffering and lack of help and diagnosis, what
happened in Jersey and since, and especially the past year of horrendous damage
by the Diocese and Deanery war.
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