Homeless in Winchester 2010 part 2

• I made no contact with the diocese on my return to Winchester, I had no intention of doing so, and stupidly believed that they would do likewise, stupidly, stupidly believed that now they had destroyed me and made it clear beyond anything that they did not believe me and believed Key, that they would accept that they had severely ‘punished’ me and would leave me alone, but I was mistaken, very mistaken, I had forgotten Jane Fisher’s job of protecting the church’s reputation, and here I was in Winchester, destroyed and such a danger to that reputation, and I have no doubt that despite this statement being true, Jane Fisher has and is there to ‘hush things up’ that too will be hidden and covered so that it does look like the diocese were simply ‘concerned’ about me, despite being the ones who destroyed me and their ‘concern’ having no benefit to me whatsoever and being of great harm to me as well as the fact that they refused to withdraw their interventions since I came back and went on and on intervening as I screamed at them in anguish, my reopening of communication with them was entirely provoked as continued to be hurt, shocked and harmed by their intervention and its impact on me.

• And guess what they did about me going out of my mind and screaming at Jane Fisher to back down and asking the Bishop again and again to withdraw her from intervention? They had me attacked by the police, covered up their intervention and made it look as if I was mad, I was treated nastily and brutally by the police, and was bruised and thrown around screaming in terror and distress, I was locked up and had the police outside the cell calling me paranoid and a troublemaker and getting my CRB  check on the computer and the diocese having hidden what had happened in Jersey and dissociated themselves from it, I was called a troublemaker because of what they read about what was written, that one sided destroyal of me in Jersey, so there I was, destroyed by what had happened in Jersey and having suffered and suffered at Fisher’s hands since my return to Winchester, being called a troublemaker and seriously mentally ill because the diocese took offence at my autistic despairing reaction to the terrible and wrong continued interference in my life.
• Anyway that comes later, back to the story:
• I went to the Trinity Centre the next day after a night of sickness and nightmares at the Nightshelter, and when I went to the Trinity Centre I had a terrible terrible shock, Lou Scott-Joynt phoned me, she had somehow got my number muddled up with (my friend's)number and was obviously aware that (my friend) was involved with me, she was trying to phone (my friend) about me and had phoned me! I collapsed, Lou Scott-Joynt realised she had phoned me and said ‘oh is that ******? This is Lou Scott-Joynt’. I told her to go to hell and I put the phone down in shock, 

• later I found that I also had a previous missed call from her on my phone, I was so shocked I escaped from the homeless centre and was sobbing and sick, I phoned (my friend) who was still in Jersey, I told her that Lou-Scott-Joynt had been trying to phone her and that I was going to the police, I told her I could not cope with the diocese continuing to interfere now that they had destroyed me, (my friend) said that if anyone spoke to her that she would speak to them and would listen and that her opinion would still be her own, but the diocesan interference and (my friends) being involved at all took away the trust of that long strong relationship, I did not feel that I am safe from the prying church and their interference and I felt ashamed and humiliated and unwilling to confide anything to these friends any more, can I ask you to imagine the impact of this on me?

• My friends may may be different ages to me, but they were some of my first friends and it was a long, strong and trusting relationship where I didn’t feel judged, as a result of what happened  I felt l condemned and ashamed and humiliated and unable to trust until I stopped  seeing them, in all appearances the relationship would seem the same as ever, but inside the bonds  frayed and the solidness is gone. I am sorry to admit that, it breaks my heart, Lou Scott-Joynt really stuck the knife in by what she did, if she had got hold of my friend instead of me and it had been kept quiet, I do not know what would have happened, but she got me, and she left me traumatised and shocked to realise that the diocese thought they could simply continue to rape my life for their own ends.
•  'Genuine concern for me' would be their glib answer, but if there had been any genuine concern, they would have left me and my relationships alone and allowed me to rebuild my life instead of violating me and having me slated for my response, what they did was callously cruel and unhealable.

•  I do not know if Lou Scott-Jouynt proceeded to talk to my friend, but people obviously have, and so I felt ashamed when I go to see my friend, my friend’s daughter  was obviously unsure of me after I was forced to leave Jersey, and one day she was there with her friend, her friend had obviously been told whatever my friends' view of the matter was as she blurted out something about it in a very bright and humiliating way and went on to say something about me wearing her friend's old top, even though at the time I wasn’t, I was wearing similar, but she seemed to think it was all a great joke, and I was very humiliated, while her friend tried to get her to hush up and go upstairs with her.
• This is some of the impact of the Diocese and their violations, can you imagine if you were publicly disgraced like this and powerless and helpess against this humiliation? No one reading this would want to go through what I did.

• Back to the story, I went straight from the homeless Centre to the police station, I was so shocked and seeing police on top of that was the last thing I needed, but I could not stand the thought of the diocese going on and on and on hurting me, 
• I was broken beyond healing and I do not know how I got through those first terrible days back in Winchester, the policeman who I spoke to was actually very nice, this was before the Bishop and Jane Fisher had their say to the police, the policeman looked at my phone and I told him what had happened, I was panicking from being in the policestation and I was in shock from the call from Lou Scott-Joynt,
•  I do not know how I didn’t break down completely, I showed the policeman the number on my phone, afterwards I worried in case I had shown him the nightshelter number which is similar and had also come up when the nightshelter secretary had tested that she had my mobile number by phoning it. 
• The policeman said he would phone Lou Scott-Joynt and ask her not to contact me and for the diocese to leave me alone, he said I did not look like a troublemaker when I explained to him how the diocese had got me done for retaliating to what had been happening in Jersey. He said he would phone me back to let me know about it, but he never did.
• Basically the Diocese had all the voice and when I repeatedly begged the police to stop them, the police treated me as mad and refused to do anything. It remains that they have not and will not restrain the Diocese from harming me.

• I went to See Anne and her husband, the last thing I wanted to do was bring my problems to them, I wanted to see them, in all this destroyal the sweetest thing was to be able to see Anne and her husband,
•  I went to see them, I didn’t go on about what had happened to me or my situation, the last thing I wanted was to load them with my problems even though they are emotionally balanced and don’t get overwhelmed with anyone’s problems
• , I made a great effort to be cheerful and happy to be in Hampshire, I told them that I was in the nightshelter and we just chatted. Anne wanted me to come back and see them again soon, and I said I would, sadly a few days later I spoke to Anne on the phone about coming to see them when she had said I could, but she told me she had had an email forwarded to her by JM, which was from Jane Fisher, I was indescribably shocked and angry, this woman Jane Fisher was using JM who had covered Fred’s abuse by calling me malicious and who had involved herself in the matter in Jersey and harmed me by doing so, 

• Jane Fisher was using JM in this matter as if I was not shamed and humiliated enough! And was raping my friendship with Anne and her family this way, humiliating me, giving the church’s opinion to my friends, there was an is no way that the arrest and imprisonment will ever heal for me, and it was bad enough my friends knowing that this terrible thing had happened, but for the diocese to go on and interfere in this way after what had happened was intolerable. I do not know what Jane Fisher said in her email, I do know that there is no way whatsoever that this could have been beneficial to me.
• Anyway after Anne repeatedly trying to talk to me and force this onto me while I screamed, that was the end of my friendship with Anne and her family, Anne was dying and died a few months later, with me estranged from her, and the diocese would not even let me grieve, they raped my grief and used it to the police as well, a friendship of over 10 years and full of love, was destroyed by the Diocese's influence that they used to cover their backs and defame me, friendships of 10 years and more were wiped out and I was defamed, to church members and officers such as Anne, and as most of my friends were church members and position holders, I watched my friendships and the whole structure of my life in my hometown of Winchester, swept away.

Winchester 2010 return homeless

• I arrived back in Hampshire on October 11^th 2010, I came out of the airport arrivals and logged onto a computer, I was afraid that anyone would be really concerned about my two weeks of silence while I had been locked up, I had many many emails in both accounts, but no-one was too worried, because in the end I had only had intermittent email access as I had no transport or computer or money, I was saddened by the email from the stroke association, I had been meant to be running in a marathon for them when I was in custody.
• I didn’t read most of my emails, there were a load from Shirley, I never read them. I went on Facebook and said I was in Hampshire, I got a few questions about when I would be coming to London, and I said I was back permenantly so there was no rush .

• I had nowhere to go, I had money in my account as my salary from before the arrest had come through while I had been locked up, and I had obviously spent nothing, I got a cup of tea, cups of tea help with most things including blind terror and being utterly destroyed.
• I was exhausted and shaking, I wasn’t going to get far from the airport, I did not want to collapse and end up detained again, so I crossed the road to that Travelodge type place, the rooms there are expensive, but I needed to keep myself safe from being detained again, I booked a room, the people on the desk seemed unstartled by my appearance and I do not know if they could see my lack of underwear and the shock I was in, I unpacked the clothes that the police had flung together in bags, there was very little wearable in there, it was mainly my old or unwearable clothes and worn out work clothes, but at least there was a bra in there, it was a high impact sports bra that I wore for training, it pulled on my shoulders badly as those things do, but at least it was a bra, I could have some modesty and dignity back. The only shoes I had were my old soft shoes that were worn through at the soles, there were holes right through the soles, they were meant for indoors, but I had nothing else and had not been able to afford anything.

• It was good to have a long hot luxurious bath, but I didn’t stop shaking, I I put on what clean clothes I could, it was difficult because they really had sent the rubbish and left my everyday clothes behind, all my other possessions were left behind, and sadly I never had the means to make any arrangement to collect them. I literally lost everything I ever achieved, even my certificates and awards, meaning I will never be able to get a job as I have no proof at all of qualifications; I lost my toys, my keyboard, my books, my trinkets and personal possessions, my photographs, everything I had left from my clearout and burning of things when my life collapsed after what the Keys said to me. Everything was gone, even the exciting tall ship adventure that I had been offered free of charge.

• So there I was, destitute, in shock, destroyed, condemned completely, with my cherished good record gone, my life condemned by abusers and their supporters. Everything Ihad ever lived or worked for was gone, my home my job, my sports, my college, my worship, my volunteer work, all gone, everything I had worked so hard for, and there I was, condemned, shamed, undressed, jeered at, called terrible things, the only good thing I could think of was that I was rid of Jane Fisher and the diocese, surely that awful woman  would be satisfied now, surely they would leave me alone now, and I was home in my beloved Hampshire, even though my heart was with the boats and the sea around Jersey, and will be forever.
• I tried to put myself to bed but I kept hurtling across the room crying out in distress, I couldn’t cry properly but I was whimpering, I put the television on to ‘Magic Radio’ and the soft music helped me to calm down.
• In the morning I couldn’t look out the window at the aeroplanes, the aeroplanes that I would never fly on again, the aeroplanes that were going home without me, the aeroplanes that had made me more equal with the people who had belittled me, the aeroplanes that had made me go up in the world and into a better quality of life, and now brought me back to a life that would never have quality again.

• I went to Winchester, leaving my bags in the safe storage of the hotel, I went to the nightshelter, wondering if they would have any beds free as they get quite full, I spoke to the secretary and manager and they said they had a bed for me, they said that I should come back in the evening and be registered for a bed, I wondered how on earth I was going to explain to them why I was homeless, and I was so ashamed, I did not know then that the diocese were going to be hot on my heels with all their explanations and cover ups and pretence of concern of me, I thought that the whole church situation was finally and horribly over. But I was wrong, I had not escaped Jane Fisher, the invincible legal expert cover up officer, she had punishment upon punishment in store for me, including becoming involved in my use of the Nightshelter and Trinity Centre and the cover up of this intervention, to my detriment.

• The Nightshelter sent me to the Trinity centre, the daycentre for homeless people, and I went there and tried exhaustedly to answer their questions as best I could.
• I collected my bags from Southampton and went to the Nightshelter in the evening, The man who checked me in, Phil took a long long time to check me in, part of it was that he kept interrupting my explaination of the church’s damage to me by telling me that he was a Christian who had suffered at the hands of the church too, and he went on into a ramble about City Church and the politics there and how he had had to leave and now he was a Christian without a church and the rest of it. 
• 
  
• Other residents kept coming into the office and demanding things and talking as he checked me in, later this hour long check in was used to degrade me, as if I was doing something wrong, I was humiliated to hear it repeated back to me as if I had been wasting Phil’s time, he had done the talking and rambling, not me.
• I did my very best to briefly explain my side, and I have no doubt that Jane Fisher must have been very concerned for the Bishop and diocese’s reputation when she knew that I had been released and come back to Winchester and the homeless services, and so the diocese intervened, but it was a lot later and after I had puzzled over the manager’s unhelpfulness that I found out about this intervention as a priest smashed me down on behalf of Jane Fisher and Juliet and the diocese, but I will explain that horrible incident later.

After Winchester, Summer 2011

• When I arrived in London I went to the Maudsley hospital and told them I was severely traumatized and needed help.
• The maudsley sent me to Kings College A&E where I was assessed by a mental health professional, he was very nice and kind and he got me some food. He did an assessment and said he would send it back over to the Maudlsey and hopefully they could refer me to the traumatic stress unit, although I was told that the waiting list was months long.The assessment didn't consider me to be mentally ill, and I was encouraged by the fact that again, no-one attempted to detain me or considered me any sort of risk.
• I heard nothing from the Maudsley, so I went back there. The staff were kind but said basically the waiting list was huge and it would be over a year before I could be treated even if I could get a referral, there was no sign that the report from Kings college had been accepted as a referral, and so the Maudsley kindly phoned my doctor, where I was still registered in Winchester, the doctor said that the 'local mental health' services at Winchester would have to agree a referral, she had previously applied for a referral for me to the Maudsley traumatic stress unit on my request when I was still in Winchester and nothing appeared to have come of that.
• Anyway, I ended up frustrated and upset, and to my shame, shouting at the doctor that if I was not helped, I would not survive, poor lady, it isn't her fault.
• So, basically, I never got the help I needed and pleaded for at the Maudsley.
• Those who don't know, the Maudsley is the biggest neurological and psychiatric hospital in the country, based in London and it was where I was assessed and diagnosed for the autistic spectrum, hence me knowing of the Maudsley and pleading for further help there.

• I was very very deeply distressed and traumatized while on the streets of London, it was a very dark time indeed, I went to London in the hope of escaping the Diocese of Winchester, unfortunately, judging by the Korris report and the way I was treated by those who looked up my record, I didn't escape at all, and London is very very harsh on rough sleepers, the latest news is all about anti-homeless spikes, but there is CHURCH in London which has a notice warning rough sleepers that they and their posessions will be hosed down if they are found around the church.

• Interestingly enough, I attended this same church for morning prayer a few times a week, and asked them why this notice was there, and the lady who I asked said that she doubted our nice vicar was anything to do with it, it was probably the council.
• I have to say, that that church was actually very tolerant of the homeless who lived in their grounds, seeking shelter in the locked church gardens at night where they would be safe from attacks from strangers, they were London church, limited in what they could do, but I believe the lady who said that it was not the church but the council who put the hosing down notice there.
• And to that church's credit, they were a Church of England church, but they got me coffee, they made me welcome and they chatted to me, and they treated me as human, just as the Diocese of Winchester hadn't, and I had no fall-out with them. Credit to that church! They even offered to help house me, but, that would have led to a nightmare of my records being looked up, the Diocese of Winchester being contacted and me being villified and driven out.
• I had to leave that church behind with no word when I left London, because I had to leave everyone in London behind with no notice, which saddens me, the churches and homeless and daycentres who looked after me, I had to leave them all without any word that day, soaked from the rain and struggling to walk at all, I left London or I would have died on the streets there.

More to come.

More Battle pics from the norty marshall :)

It was such hard work, wearing a high visibility jacket on such a warm day, and trying to stop the many people who felt they had 'the right' to cross the barriers! Especially tourists. I am not very confident, so It was a trial.

I was often vaguely asked to help with floats, especially St. peters and St. Saviours. My bosses worked on the St. Peters float. So of course it was good.


I liked the little individual floats.

This was a good one. I think it won something?



Such incredible work goes into these.








As I said, I rarely have any interest in men, but Iain LeGallais looked like Michael Stipe, so I had a crush on him :)

The battle's done and we kind of won
so we raise our victory cheer
where do we go from here?

During that Summer, 2007, I helped with my first Battle of Flowers.

I am not sure these are 2007's Battle Pics, but I remember that wonderful hot day when I first marshalled for Battle of Flowers, and I met an inspirational young woman who had never been out of Jersey at all, she cared for her severely disabled brother and was having a day off to marshall for Battle.
Me marshalling for Battle was a foregone conclusion, this was the community work I had always done in the UK, Jersey was no different.
These pics were taken during Marshalling at one Battle or another:









More later.

Jersey - the early days, with my own photos

• Those early days in Jersey were days when I needed space, and on an island where I only knew a few people, I got some space.
• I used to go down to St. Ouens bay and sit on the wall and look at the sea, like I now sit on the wall of the Great Ship Bay, just looking at the sea and being alone, I would go to the cliffs at Les landes and Corbiere, climbing on the rocks, which people don't like me doing, but you only live once, so if you see granite, climb it!
• I craved space so much, especially after George and Jill Lihou, that I did not contact my other friends for a while after I moved to Jersey. 
• I had told the Lihous I didn't want to know them, and I told my other friends that I wanted space. The day I rang and left a message for my friend, she responded with relief, the email is in the 'year of friendly emails' I think.
• It was not just the Lihous but the stress of final assessments at college that had left me exhausted and needing space, and the stress of debts that had built up.

A favourite quiet spot where I used to park and enjoy the view, yes that is my old car, 'Anna'.

• I found Jersey to be comfortingly small, a good place for someone with autism and trauma, because you can't end up 100 miles away so easily if you dissociate, not that I was doing too much of that by the time I arrived in Jersey.
• I also found Jersey old fashioned, it was not mad with health and safety, you could do risky things like ladders and cables, that you cannot do in the UK, and at workplaces people were allowed to leave the site during the working day and get subs from their wages, stuff that doesn't happen in England any more.
• The other thing about Jersey was the old fashionedness extended to prejudice and chauvenism, which was a pity, and a lot of men seemed to think that women would fancy them, kind of a very funny thing to observe if you are an outside from the UK, these Jerseymen who strut like peacocks, sorry if that causes any offence.
• But in all the time I was in Jersey, not that I am adult enough to really look at men, I only saw one or two who were vaguely attractive, in my opinion, and I am not really a fully mature woman who looks at men. I kind of don't understand. 

• Anyway, the good side of Jersey eccentricities is that it produces some wonderful characters, Symon and Declan were two of those, whatever they were smoking used to send the parrot mad so he would bite me :) parrot bites are quite painful.

Corbiere, one of my own pictures.

• I was really badly off and in debt when I arrived in Jersey, life had been a horrible grind in poverty for a year, made worse by the Lihous boasting, and so it was such a joy to have such beautiful scenery around me, and to be as if on holiday although I was working.
• But the debts remained, and my rent was steep, so it was also still a stressful time.
• The other stress was that my landlord was unpredictable, he was known round the island for being harmless but unpredictable.
• So he went through times of sobbing for his dead wife or raging about this and that, he even had a quarrel about a parking ticket that he didn't think he deserved and said he would stop sending his photography to the JEP if he had to pay.
• My landlord had a partner but he still grieved loudly for his wife who had died suddenly the previous year, and I felt it was not appropriate for me to go and comfort him, he used to come out and say 'did you hear me crying?' and I would say yes and that I was sorry, but I knew I should not go and comfort him but I felt awkward, if he had been a lady, then I could have sat with him.
• He used to say having me there was like having a daughter around, and I knew I was supposed to take it with 'a pinch of salt', and he used to say that he had to be careful not to spoil me, but he did not spoil me. Usually he was out, at his partner's home or eating out, as Jersey people do, those who can afford it.
• His partner was the lady who was friend with people at the churchwarden's church.

St Ouens Bay from Les Landes

• My landlord had two great big cars, which, to me, seemed so odd, we lived in a green lane where the speed limit was 20mph! The top speed limit in Jersey is 40, and that is in a few places. He used to say to me that he had to take his cars to the UK and France, 'for a proper run, to get their engines going', ha, it's alright for some, eh?
• So that was how it was, I lived in this beautiful country house with this rather fascinating Jerseyman, who was one of the leaders of the Island's horticulture society, and who claimed to have been bitten by the only fox in Jersey, which was never seen by anyone else.
• The gardens of the house were stunning, he was a keen gardener.
• The other strange thing about the place was that we got real peacocks straying into the garden, they were fascinating, and no explanation as to where they were from, just a Jersey thing, peacocks wandering into your garden.
• We had game birds and rabbits and other wildlife, and the landlord used to fire at them with his little pellet gun.

St Ouens Bay from the dunes end.

• At work I worked in the plant sales greenhouse, looking after the plants, keeping things tidy, watering, trying to talk to customers, I also looked after gardens, hanging baskets and tubs and planters onsite, fed the fish and the aviary birds, swept and cleaned, worked in the flowers warehouse and greenhouses as and when asked, and generally did what was needed. I also, horror of horrors, had to work in the shop when coaches of tourists arrived, now that was a crash course in French and patience if there ever was one.
• I found it fascinating that the Family I worked for spoke Jersey French as well as fluent French, and local customers used to come in and converse with the managers in Jerriaise. I struggled with the basic French with the coach loads of tourists, and to be honest some of them were not very polite, but at least I started rapidly learning French words, which is never bad
• So work was good, they were good to me, honestly, lovely people, it is a pity that in the end the connection with the church and the fact they closed down meant they weren't there any more.
• Yes it was a lovely time that summer in Jersey, if only I had done as I had hoped, and gone on to the grape harvest in France, instead of staying because the churchwarden wanted me to, it would be a lovely memory.

The view from Corbiere along St. Ouens Bay.

I guess the Church matters start in the next Jersey post.

Jersey -connections from the beginning

• When I went to Jersey, I did know people there but did not go there because I knew anyone there, I needed space, I needed a progression from college and into the world travelling that I hoped to do.
• I was offered a job in Jersey and decided that was an ideal step into world travel, as it would be easy enough to get home, and language wasn't a problem.
• I knew my old landlady/friend's family at St. Brelades, and I knew of, the Warren family from the Lihous.
• I didn't know that the interconnections in the little Island of Jersey were problematic to anyone who ended up the wrong side of anyone in power.
• Right from the start the interconnections were there. The family I worked for, who had made a fortune in the horticulture business, before closing down because it was no longer profitable, were connected to the church where the churchwarden abused me, members of that family were generous supporters of that church.
• My first landlord was a churchgoer, not in the same denomination, but nonetheless, all churches in that island are interconnected. But he was also friends with people from the churchwarden's church, close friends of his, his partner's and the churchwarden and his wife. So, the last time I spoke to my old landlord was when he was at Southampton hospital and I was having to have a break from Jersey due to the distress of the abuse and police inquiry in 2008, he then pointedly ignored me in the street every time he saw me, even if I said hello, and Jane Fisher, as usual tried to tell me I was paranoid and had not been slandered.
•  Imagine the psychological damage of someone like Jane Fisher, on the mainland, not having to live in this uncomfortable environment and calling you insane and untruthful when you tell her you are suffering, safeguarding????

This was a 10 minute post so I will stop now.

After Winchester 2011

• I fled Winchester in early Summer 2011, having been defamed, villified, separated from my friends, humiliated, shunned, violated, having had my rights, dignity, privacy and the data protection act breached by the Diocese through all services in Winchester, I was completely and utterly flogged, heartbroken and unable to understand why I was not allowed to escape the Diocese.
• The amount of people and agencies who I turned to and begged for help, who turned me away is incredible, the Diocese and the record they got me and their powerful voice against my weak one, which the Diocese pronounced as mental illness rather than a legitimate cry for help and protection, is horrendous.
• I went to, or contacted the police for help a number of times, and they treated me as mad, and instead, they had me brutalized and detained for the diocese, and continued to refuse my complaint against the Diocese, this is a terrible miscarriage of justice, and it has left a massive psychological wound.
• Leaving Winchester did not take away the record the Diocese gave me, or the shame, and as a result, I remained homeless, and continued to be 'caught up with' because of my records, wherever I went, and condemned and treated badly, a completely one-sided record that, for me, as I had no self esteem anyway, ripped me apart, anyone else would have committed suicide in this bleak trap, but I bloodymindedly fought on with my life, until, as I started to recover and rebuild, the diocese once again, and publicly this time, forced into my life, had me villified and ruined, and left me shattered and destroyed, with no possibility of them making it two sided and giving me a voice, and so they plan to do the same yet again, and again, unless, before they kill me, someone actually stops them.
• A classic massive wound among the many, in 2010/2011, was when someone thought it would be a good idea for me to apply to a woman's refuge, and as usual I was more than happy to be obliging and try. The woman's refuge were initially polite and helpful and told me they thought they could help. Then they spoke to the council and the Bishop's nightmare shelter who I had been slandered to, and they were rude to me, made me out to be an abuser who harassed people and thus would be a danger to the women in their shelter, and tried to tell me, as the CAB did, to go to my doctor, not a single person who fobbed me off this way would take into account that I saw my doctor regularly and was not considered mentally ill or dangerous, not a single person took my story, they just condemned me on weight of what the Diocese said.
• Basically I was left damned as an abuser, no one was told my side or that I was abused or autistic, they were just told the Diocese's side, while FM, who had abused me and was provided for, housed, and not publicly villified by the Diocese, laughed at me in the street with other church members.
• I was not allowed to be a vulnerable abuse survivor and get help and be protected or even housed without the Diocese's condemnation following me. I was branded and condemned.
• Now if you expect someone to behave normally with the full weight of the damage I suffered in Jersey and Winchester, to behave ok and normally, to behave ok regressed, abused, condemned, invalidated, brutalized, violated, laughed at by abusers, you expect too much. No human being would be able to be ok and normal after that, especially not one with autism and severe trauma, voiceless and being made to continue to suffer. 
• And so my actions and reactions would continue to be used against me by the Diocese, in a vicious endless cycle of condemnation, reaction and further condemnation, no sign whatsoever of Christianity from the Diocese. It will be years, if ever, if I recover.
• The doctor at the homeless centre in Winchester told me I would probably recover in two or three years, now that was in 2010, before several more brutalizations and detentions by the police, continued harm by the diocese, a few years of homelessness and the horrific last 15 months. If the Diocese don't stop soon, then I will not recover in another three years, I will be dead, and what they have done will affect me profoundly for a very long time if I live.
• Can anyone see the issue between the public apologies and the vicious underhand campaign of destroyal of me and self-protection that they carried out in Winchester? Which has not been examined by any 'safeguarding investigation', interesting isn't it? No investigation into any of that, because the key player is the person behind the catastrophic mess of the Diocese and Deanery war, to protect her own hide. Jane Fisher, the woman who had me destroyed, while all the time pretending to care.

The past 15 months

I think I write most about the past 15 months since the Diocese launched on me, but I will write some more.

• I don't understand why the Diocese launched on me in the press, especially as they claim the whole thing to be about safeguarding. How does publicly humiliating a broken, vulnerable and homeless person that they have given a record to, relate to safeguarding? Did they not think that through? Certainly the backlash that has left me a terrified fugitive with old friends and strangers alike condemning me and turning away, has not been to do with safeguarding but the opposite, didn't the Church of England think of that? How did they ever protect me from the Backlash and smear campaign that ensued? They didn't.
• Although I had made enough of a recovery from 2010/2011, and I was in therapy, I was still too traumatised to go back through what happened to me, and against my will and without any concern for me, the church dragged me back through it, with their publicity stunts and their press and the smear campaign, and then Bob Hill needed my side of things but never got my full story as I was too traumatized. I was too traumatized to relive things in therapy, how was I supposed to go through being dragged back through it, with the smear campaign dominating, and total strangers condemning me?
• Most people, faced with being assaulted by a wrong version of their past, plastered all over the press, and having no voice, would consider suicide, and I certainly did, and yet the Diocese want to do exactly the same again to me through the Steel report, and no-one will stop them, and so I am left with diminished quality of life, in fear, and waiting to be destroyed, because I cannot go on being publicly condemned in a one-sided statement that damns my whole life and does not allow my side of things, this wait is intolerable and completely and utterly unjust and inhumane.
• The Diocese allowed people who had no contact with me and whom I had done nothing to, such as Teri Bond and Gavin Ashenden and Bruce Willings, to defame and smear me and write untruths, these people claim to be Christians, how can they claim such a thing, and how can this be about safeguarding when it is killing a vulnerable adult who the church have already destroyed?!
• Last year, from the moment the church launched on me in the press, and the smear campaign ensued, I felt that I was on trial, that I had to confess all my wrongs, and explain them, when, in shock, taken by surprise and beaten down, I could not defend myself against the public defamation and condemnation of me, my side was not included in the Korris report, no one asked for my side, and I was voiceless as the condemnation poured over me, just as I was voiceless in Jersey and in Winchester on my return from Jersey, homeless and destitute as I still was last year when the church of england launched this terrible charade.
• No attempt was ever made by anyone in the church to get my full account of things and adjust the Korris report accordingly, no effort was made to stop the smear campaign or put the condemners on Clerical Whispers, Thinking Anglicans or other such narrow, opinionated Unchristian gossip sites right, no attempt was made at all by the Church to reach out to me or hear my distress or reassure me, nothing was offered to help me.
• Instead, there was silence for weeks as I protested at the police violation of my life, and after that, no attempt was made, as above, to do anything about my plight, instead when I phoned the Diocese to beg them not to harm me further, the Bishop threatened me, why did they have me violently traced and violated and shocked and offer nothing at all in return? Why in all the earth did the police agree to this, allow it or condone it? It was a horrifying and illegal invasion of my life which left me shocked and ill, and all in the pretence of care and safeguarding by the Diocese.
• And it remained, a violation, for no reason, no help offered, no reassurance, just threats that showed that whatever was going on, it wasn't about contrition, apologies or making things up to me, the Bishop also lied that he had personally apologized to me, which was shocking as he hadn't. 

After Winchester -Winchester 2010/11 and onwards

• Can you imagine it? Losing your home and being villified twice in a row?
• Hard for many readers to imagine, because not many people go through such an endless horror, I know at least one of my readers has, several readers from Jersey have been through terrible ordeals, and I salute you for your courage.
• This is a really hard subject to write about.

• I was so badly maligned, and my life so badly interfered with in Winchester, that in the end, bewildered and broken, I had to give up and flee.
• I was tired and confused and not sure where to go, because, after Jersey, Winchester and Hampshire were my only home. I had a bit of contact with my family still, although the Jersey and diocese situation had put strain on my relationship with my family, but at the time I left Winchester it had not removed my relationship with my family.
• Also, my family, all survivors, had their own problems, and none of them lived anywhere that I called 'home' and they are not the sort of family who are equipped to help each other out, none showed any concern for my homelessness at the time.

• I didn't know how to escape from Winchester at first, several attempts led to me being maligned by Winchester homeless services and council, who in turn had accepted the defamation of me by Jane Fisher and the Scott-Joynts, so I was maligned as far away as Scotland when I fled there to try to escape Jane Fisher and the Bishop, and basically fleeing all that way only to be criminalized is no better than just staying put with what is familiar and being maligned at home in Winchester.
• At one point I was attempting to access help in Southampton, which is not the best place, as jane Fisher lives there, but nonetheless, it is a town I have known since childhood, and was close to my remaining friends and the familiarity of Winchester, but the homeless centre doctor from Winchester, who is a 'Christian' turned up at the homeless centre in Southampton, and so I fled again, and was given unhelpful reports about 'not liking the doctor' which was rubbish, I did like the doctor but I was also not prepared to go on being linked back to Winchester and the slander of me there.
• Basically no matter where I went or what I did, my privacy was violated by the defamation which came from the 'caring' diocese, who defamed and drove me out to cover their wrongdoing at my expense, and got their side of things heard, while I was cowering like a whipped dog as I was endlessly treated as if I was mad and bad.

• And my reaction to this atrocious situation simply backed up the Diocese's side of things, especially as they condemned me as mentally ill and omitted my autism and the abuse in Jersey, repeatedly.
• The Diocese stupidly and uselessly kept trying to force on me and other people, that I needed medical help, this led to my trip to Winchester CAB, where Lou Scott-Joynt worked, being invalidated, this was because instead of helping me in finding a way to protect me from the Diocese, they tried to say I needed medical help, and treated my plea for help as mental illness, and refused to help me.
• The reason all of this is so stunningly ridiculous is, that throughout my time homeless in Winchester, I was under the care of a doctor, and not once did any doctor mention or treat me as if I was mentally ill, and they didn't even ask to refer me for help.

• Firstly I was under the care of the doctor at the homeless centre in Winchester, and I had a problem with this as she told me she was a Christian who worshipped in Winchester, and secondly she did not respond properly to the fact I was having trouble walking and climbing stairs, she tested my reflexes and said they were ok so I must be ok.
• So at the time, the spine injuries, leg length sydrome, misalignments and asthma etc, were not important because my reflexes were ok - this is the story of my life with the NHS.
• The one thing the homeless doctor did do, to her eternal credit, was put a stop to a situation where I was trapped by staff at the homeless centre and threatened with police and social services involvement when I took to sleeping rough after the Diocese violated my privacy by interfering at the nightshelter where the Bishop was patron.
• I will never forget being trapped in the homeless centre, where the staff control the door locks, and being told if I insisted on going then then police and social services would be after me, I really hit the roof, and I screamed at the staff that they had no right to do this, hysterical that after my experiences in Jersey, I was to be trapped and forced on again, and again because of the Diocese.
• The Homeless Doctor came downstairs, and got the staff to pack it in and let me go, that is to her eternal credit, but that situation was another of many many traumas from Octorber 2010 to now, I am far from recovered now, especially as the diocese continue to smash me down.

• Anyway, as a result of all this, I did not feel comfortable with the homeless doctor, and I registered temporarily at another surgery, it reminded me of the surgery I had been registered at in my early 20s, grotty, long waiting times and no patient care.
• I registered at another surgery, and I have to say, they were pretty good, in general, they actually DID SOMETHING about some of my problems.

• I remember how I used to go in there afraid, as if I was going to be trapped and hurt, but they didn't do that, they were so good that I even phoned them a few times, despite my problems using a phone.
• The doctor I saw regularly was kind and helpful, she told me there was pretty much nothing available locally on the NHS for trauma and counselling, when I asked. She told me that unfortunately all that was available was that wretched Christian counselling service in Winchester, the one that didn't help me before, the one that contacted JM without my permission and got her opinionated opinion of me in my early 20s. 
• Unfortunately that Christian counselling service was all that was available in Winchester at the time, counselling would not be enough, and seeing as I had been maligned and defamed throughout the Christian network in Winchester by Jane Fisher and the Scott-Joynts, it would have been a damaging waste of time to apply, especially, and most importantly, as I knew that I was too disturbed for counselling and could not relate to a counsellor.
• But the Doctor saw me regularly and did not treat me as mentally ill, did not see me as mentally ill and did not ask or offer to refer me for help, thus the way I was turned away by places like the CAB remains henious, and a wound that will never heal, and as a result, the CAB, a place I really need to assist me at times, remains inaccesible to me because of how I was treated.
• The doctor, as I said, DID help me in other ways, she had me referred to a podiatrist for my walking, and I was found to have leg length syndrome, at last, and this leg length problem is part of what affects my tendons and ligaments, causes pain and affects how I walk, although there are other issues there.
• This doctor also diagnosed me with asthma, at last! When the asthma became more severe, but I was left alone to work out how to use the inhalers.

I will stop there and share these memories.

Jersey

• I went to Jersey to live, with great anxiety as it was a completely new start and I had no money to start with, no money to even return to the UK if it went wrong early on, which could happen to anyone.
• One of the reasons I went, interestingly enough, was to get some space from the Lihous, and people in their church who wanted to send me to a community and things because of my 'disability', now, having already been sent to a community aged 20, by JM and having benefitted nothing from it and seen it could not help me because I was autistic, I did not want to be sent to a community or to continue to have the Lihous closely involved.
• However, Jill Lihou wanted to still be involved and tried, without my permission to get me to have my post forwarded to her daughter and son in law's church, she said her daughter had agreed, but she failed to note that I hadn't and that I actually had a home to have post sent to. She also for some reason, wanted me to 'go and see her family' at their church, as she said that both the Warrens, her daughter and son in law who run St. Matthews and St. Lawrence, and the Honours, her daughter and son in law who run a church in Guernsey, would be at St. Matthews. Jill failed to understand when I said her family didn't want to know me, and continued to tell me I could see them. Jill and George's family had not wanted Jill to claim I was 'part of the family' and had never agreed with it, and I had responded to that and their advice about me to the Lihous behind my back by agreeing that I was not family and wanted space from the Lihous and their family, which Jill never accepted.

• So, I arrived in Jersey wounded, needing space. And at first there was space, glorious space, space to go down to the beaches, to explore, to look at the views, to dance to music alone in the house, to stand outside in the dark lane and marvel at the dark.
• But many many times, just as I had had premonition before moving to Jersey, I had premonition that things were going to be serious, and because I am autistic and a bit wierd, I did wonder if it was to do with the scaremongering that Jill and George Lihou had brought from Jersey to our church in Hampshire. 
• Jill and George used to come back from Jersey telling the church meetings that 'There were Satanists in Jersey, praying for the breakup of clergy marriages'. 
• Now this, at the time when I was still indoctrinated and a sheeple, to a certain extent, seemed really serious, really horrifying and dramatic. And other people in the prayer meetings used to pray and pray and do all sorts of commanding and speaking in tongues.
• But, because I was never a complete sheeple, I spoke to my dad about it, and he explained to me that real Satanists would not be praying for the breakup of clergy marriages.
• While in Jersey and at St. Matthews church, I found a book, these words were in the book 'There are Satanists in the USA, praying for the breakup of clergy marriages'. So at last I knew where the propaganda came from, but horrifyingly, this was a 'Christian' book, and the words had been transferred and used in Jersey and beyond, to scare and stir emotion, horrifying what the church can do and get away with. 
• And this is what can happen and harm vulnerable people. There undoubtedly are Satanists in Jersey, there is a nasty nasty undercurrent there, there is a Statue of the Devil preserved there and you will NEVER hear a member of clergy of church laity condemn the fact that that Statue is preserved and is a Jersey landmark, but there are no Satanists wasting their time and energy on breaking up clergy marriages, that is just a nasty, manipulative scare tactic, which can affect and frighten vulnerable people. And that is one thing that is prevelant in Church of England churches, and very prevelant in the Jersey CofE charismatic churches.
• Other books in that church included a 'Christian' book teaching a lesson about how a church woman was raped by a church man, and how it was all alright in the end because she forgave him, she didn't report him but 'because she forgave him' it was alright when she saw him chatting and laughing with people in church. It is absolutely horrifying to think that so many people do not question, as I have learned to, but follow blindly what they are told. 

• So, my coming to Jersey was already overshadowed by the Lihou-Warren-Honour charismatic-culty-church issues, and so the Lihous and Warrens are not separate from the Jersey matter nor in the past of it, they are part of it and they are part of the damage to me, and continued to be.
• I had a lovely first summer in Jersey, I had a lovely job, with employers who put up with errors by me and were kind. Unfortunately they were directly connected to the church where I was abused, but that will be explained another time. It is a small island, and if you make one powerful enemy, you may as well flee or die, for all your life can be worth if you make the wrong enemies, you can lose everyone and everything through interconnection, the same can be said to a certain extent of the Church of England, if you report one, you could end up blacklisted by all, as I have. But...I would rather be blacklisted by the Church of England than included, because they have lost sight of God, and that is apparent in the way I am being mercilessly destroyed.

Homeless Spikes

A lot of fuss is being made about anti-rough sleeper spikes in London.

This is interesting, because for a long time in London, councils have had a policy, especially at Waterloo, of hosing down rough sleepers and their posessions, which is inhumane and very cruel. If you are homeless, you need to keep as warm and dry as possible, and you own very little and need what you own, in Waterloo, they hose the homeless and their posessions down to get rid of them, with no concern whatsoever for the health and welfare of those human beings they are treating like animals.

On the streets of London, if you end up cold and wet, you are much less likely to find a warm place or any help to dry out and get warm, it is harsh, let me tell you that from experience.

But this never causes outrage on the news.

With the spikes, anyone can outwit those, by making a bed out of pallets, yes, it can be done, you can put pallets on those spikes, and there are pallets around, sleep on the spikes just to annoy the people who placed them.

I am not sure the Tesco windowsill ones are anti-homelss, just anti-anyone, anti-gang, etc.

But, these spikes are a hazard to the general public, especially children.

Who will be first to sue? :)

Homeless

I have decided to look at putting my 'Homeless' blog back online.
'Homeless' is not the same blog as 'The Wanderer' which was merged with 'Life After The Diocese'
http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/

Life after the Diocese goes back to October 2011 and so covers two years on the streets as well as my learning to live indoors.

But 'Homeless' which is quoted and copied onto this blog a lot, deals with a lot of the background struggles to do with church and family.
Homeless may be re-introduced a few posts at a time, as it is a big blog and I need to vet what goes back online.

I am already hitting a problem publishing homeless, all the posts are reverted to draft, and when I publish them, they come up with today's date and not the original 2011, 2012 dates.

'Homeless' is now back online, but with only 4 posts at the moment. I will be working through the other posts and making sure they are suitable to publish.

http://thisishomecoming.blogspot.co.uk/

complex PTSD

Safeguarding investigation

It seems that Bishop Dakin wanted to be selective, he only wanted to publicly attack Jersey for a 'safeguarding investigation' while his public attack immediately invalidated him and his investigation, because how is it safeguarding when you publicly flog people?

He showed it was not a genuine investigation by not investigating the post-Jersey situation and by threatening me.
Basically stating that my side didn't matter to him, nor did his violation of my life and harm to me as a result.

Anyway, whatever his motives in publicly attacking the Deanery of Jersey and not handling the matter properly, it certainly wasn't a safeguarding exercise.
He has  certainly ensured that no-one will EVER report abuse in a church in Jersey again.
But he has not carried out a safeguarding investigation, he has excluded me from the hijacked investigation and ensured that I am unheard and villified, because his public attack on the whole deanery of Jersey led to legal repercussions from the lawyer-judiciary-church-clergy clique, that Dakin was not prepared for even though he attacked them, unjustly and needlessly.

And So a hijacked investigation that was done with a lot of expertise and excluded me, was done, it is not a safeguarding investigation, it is just part of a nasty war that Dakin sparked and has had no control over.

It is interesting that no other neglected investigations were suddenly launched by Dakin, and I know of several abuse victims who have not had their cases investigated properly, several people let down or villified by the Diocese, but they haven't had a public attack by Dakin in the media.

In true Church of Englandstyle, the whole matter is glossed over and tucked away, while I am left scapegoated and seriously harmed, I have been excluded from giving evidence, while the powerful clique in Jersey have engineered the evidence to ensure I am permenantly damned and the wrongdoers are cleared.

The fact remains that the Bishop had no power whatsoever to suspend the Dean or discipline clergy in Jersey, and I knew that because clergy told me that about my complaint while I was being harmed in Jersey, and the Diocese knew it because they must have known, and they did nothing about my complaint when they should have done. And too late, long after they had destroyed me instead, they decided to publicly launch on the Jersey Deanery, funny how in the Korris report they accused ME of involving innocent people, THEY injured hundreds of innocent people through their public attack on the Jersey church in the national press and media, they injured hundreds of innocent and vulnerable people, for no good reason as the Bishop had no right to suspend the Dean.

The Bishop's suspension of the Dean, and any disciplinary action was illegal. So 15 months later I am set up to be destroyed as a result, for no good reason, because I am the easiest scapegoat through hijacked reports and I have no voice as I continue to be villified and scapegoated.

Safeguarding? No, there has been no sign of that in all these years of being destroyed, driven to breaking point and breakdowns, voiceless and slandered and scapegoated, still with my side omitted.

http://ricosorda.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/the-bailhache-report-written-by-his.html

Forgiveness and the heavy burden

I carry every hurt I have inflicted in my distress and anger, every hurt I have inflicted in my life, hurt I have inflicted for being autistic and abused and maligned, traumatised and unable to cope with relationship with people.

The people who were working to rebuild me when the Diocese launched on me last year and had me publicly flogged and villified, had been teaching me about forgiveness, and they got me a book about forgiveness, the book included a passage on self-forgiveness and how it is as essential to forgive yourself as it is to forgive others.

But, easier said than done, I grew up in an environment that left me unable to love, unable to understand people, and unable to understand forgiveness, eventually, in order to keep myself alive after the horrific events of 2008-2011, I learned to forgive others for the sake of my health and sanity at very least. But I have never learned to forgive myself, and the 15 month public flogging with the eternal wait to be fully, completely and finally destroyed, has taken away the healing work of the people who were working with me, and left me condemned by myself and others, and waiting to be destroyed. Obviously carrying my sins like a ton of rock is not enough. And knowing that the way I have been destroyed is neither fair nor Christian, changes nothing.

There is little hope of me continuing to survive and returning to therapy and being able to overcome my problems, and so I will die damned by the very same type of people Jesus spoke to all those years ago:
'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone'.

A decade

Yes I am partially back on my feet.

It took me a decade to really realise that God was not in the Church of England and that they were not in God.

A decade, of abuse and abuses, a decade of seeing wrong things and being indignant but not realising that the whole system is bad.

A decade that has damaged me to extremes.

I pray for any other vulnerable people who are slow at realising the harm they are suffering, and who end up damaged. I pray that they see the light.

I pray for any victim of a church-state setup, especially those in Ireland who were enslaved and abused in mainly Catholic schemes such as the Magdalene laundries and the industrial schools and Catholic-run orphanages and schools, especially as seeking justice and redress has been so prevented by the power that the church held.

The spiritual damage of people using God's Name while abusing their power is horrendous.

Advice, for the church of england, before they continue to abuse the word 'Christian', stop, reflect, look at what you are doing in destroying me

I cried when this was posted on twitter. If only it were true.

Together we heal -7 ways churches can help survivors.

Shocking example of the girl and the doctor, but very much the 'Church' way:
http://together-we-heal.org/2014/06/02/7-ways-churches-should-begin-to-welcome-survivors-of-abuse/

notes

Here are some thoughts.

Why, when it was obvious from the Korris report, that Jane Fisher had put the church's reputation first at my expense, and had got me a criminal record, although more than half of her involvement is omitted from the Korris report, what I have read, why was she allowed to 'go to Jersey and liase with the police' when the hate campaign against me was on? She didn't stop the hate campaign, neither did the police.
She refused to deal with another safeguarding complaint in Jersey at the same time, but why was she allowed to be involved at all? When, despite the Korris report omitting it, she had done a large share of the damage to me?
How can the Bishop justify that and make it a fair investigation?

And on the same note, why, when the Bishop apparently received the Steel report last year after she said she was in the closing stages of her report and thus wouldn't interview me, did he claim he couldn't publish it for legal reasons and then again claim to have received it again this year ans be claiming to try and lessen the impact on me?
Why exactly has the church run this 15 month farce, claiming it to be safeguarding, when they have destroyed me and allowed the safeguarding officer who harmed me, to protect herself at my expense?

Small snippets of blatant harm from early on, include the safeguarding officer telling me that my abusers were just Christians who got things wrong, and claiming that people weren't shunning me for my abuser but for my behaviour, but she was unable to give any example of behaviour that was not reaction to being shunned for my abuser.
She also, in the email sample posted earlier on this blog, claimed the Dean to be neutral. while it is now claimed that the Dean saw me to 'stop me harassing' my abusers.
Why then was the Dean allowed, according to the safeguarding officer, to investigate my complaint, if he was acting for the abuser and the Vicar?
That isn't safeguarding, especially not the Safeguarding officer referring my complaint back to the Dean, and trying to make me meet with him again, when I had objected to the way he handled my complaint.

Here's an interesting point, did the Steel report TORs mention giving me a copy?

JM

Here's a thought.
If I was 'causing all that trouble' to JM and her benefice, for years, as claimed in the defamation of me.
Why was JM my close friend for so many years?
Why did the Diocese not know about me until I contacted them in 2008 when Bob Key refused to deal with my complaint.
And why was JM still my friend, despite her support of the abuser in Jersey, until her husband's abuse of me was brought into the matter because of JM's involvement in the Jersey matter?

Read Letter Day

Again, remember the voiceless, disabled, vulnerable, mentally ill, mute, who cannot write as I have done, what hope do they have against the people such as those who have harmed me in the Deanery, diocese, and church of england?

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/formal-letter-of-warning-to-bishop-tim.html#.U4xg2HKpWzk

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/the-letter-to-jersey-deanery-as.html

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/formal-letter-to-bishop-dakin-2.html#.U4xhUXKpWzk

http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/formal-legal-letter-to-archbishop-of.html

what is the Steel report?

A report designed to absolve the Deanery and Diocese and villify and scapegoat HG.
It does not constitute an investigation as it omits the complainant's views and is conflicted and biased to absolve the wrongdoers.

safeguarding

Here's a question, how could Christine Daly and John Gladwin investigate any safeguarding failure involving Jane Fisher, when, last October, they did exactly the same as her, in going behind my back and without my consent withJulie Wallman, to try and trick me into housing, when the Church of England, with their defamation of me, are the last people who can safely house me, why exactly would I agree to be hosued where I could be defamed and hounded?
And why would anyone go behind my back when they knew the situation would be against my wishes?
Christine Daly, who is reading this, should be up on the same charges as Jane Fisher.
It was remarkable how quickly Julie Wallman left the scene when she realised that she and the Church were not going to trick me into housing.

Safeguarding?

It remains significant that the Diocese of Winchester only publicly launched on the Dean of Jersey, they made no effort to investigate Jane Fisher and Michael Scott-Joynt and what happened to me at their hands in Winchester when I was left homeless and destitute.
Fisher and Scott-Joynt's interference and maligning of me left me unable to be housed or helped and left me maligned and outcast, while the Korris report excuses it as them helping me, and in court in Sussex, it was excused as helping me, why then were my constant cries for them to stop interfering ignored, and why did the police and court not recognize this?

From twitter :)

Beware of people. They will take you to courts and whip you in their assemblies. -Matthew 10:17

Matthew 10. It remains a mystery who called Tim Dakin to 'help the lost, the last and the least' or why he isn't thus so doing, nor who gave him the authority to brand any as lost last and least who are equal in God's eyes.

But, Jesus sent the disciples out as poor, to reach out to the poor, he did not give them fat palaces, fat salaries, and loads of power to abuse, the Pharisees were the ones with wealth and power to abuse supposedly in God's Name.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+10&version=NRSV

After horrifically being tricked and trapped in WInchester. Christmas 2010

**************************************

26/12/2010

to michael.scott-., jane.fisher, postmaster

you had me convicted of a crime,

so what reason do you have to keep intervening in my life

now that I have asked you not to

asked you not to thrugh the police?

 

I believe very strongly that you are doing this to provoke me in order to have me arrested again.

what you did to me in Jersey was a disgrace,

and one that I will never recover from,

 

I will ask you one last time,

with the police as witnesses,

to stop intervening,

 

and if you will not,

I will start legal action

no matter what the consequences are to me.

 

And don't try to pull the 'mentally ill' trick

in reply to this,

because of you driving me to despair by your actions,

I have been declared free from mental illness 7 times!

I am autistic and in severe distress from what you have done to me

and your continued harm.

 

I am very capable of looking after myself on the streets

so I will alos not appreciate what I think you intend

a combined police and social services attempt to detain me

 

I have too many witnesses to say that I am competent and capable.

I would politely ask the police to be aware that the diocese of Winchester,

especially Jane Fisher

have continued to intervene in my life

and caused me deep deep distress and ruined my Christmas.

 

please could the diocese and Jane Fisher now completely refrain.

I have been trapped by one of Fisher's friends and shouted and jeered at

in a situation set up by fisher,

and spent that night in deep distress,

hence some officers seeing me fleeing into the city centre without my shoes on.

 

I was convicted for my frustration at the church refusing to deal with my complaint of abuse and misconduct

frustrated autistic in distress kept speaking out

and they silenced me by having me convicted

I came home to Hampshire but was driven from my friends, the homeless services and every church in the county

by the diocese continuing to intervene

why? when they have had me convicted and taken my life from me,

my home, my job, my future,

convicted a traumatised autistic abuse victim who they failed in their duty of care to,

and are now continuing to traumatise by interening and preventing me accessing any support, preventing me building trust or friendships, preventing me worshipping, when life is agonising enough without this.

 

I have repeatedly asked them to stop, I have been provoked to contact them because despite them having me convicted for contacting them about my complaint and the dreadful way they handled it, they are harrassing me by continuing to intervene.

 

some points

• Remember, neither the Diocese of Winchester nor macsas had my consent to intervene or refer me anywhere or to work together, as I had a complaint against both.
• Apparently Teri Bond wrote a libellous and defamatory letter to the JEP, the same JEP who are overseen by my abuser's brother, and claimed I had been sending death threats and threatening letters etc? Is that correct? This letter was part of the hate campaign against me by the clergy, of all people. Teri omitted a number of things - that neither she nor her husband nor her church had ever received any death threats or any other threats, other than to ask them to stop interfering once I left Jersey, having not been prepared to help me in prison, which was not a threat, she also omitted that I had made no death threats to clergy in Jersey, especially not 'for years', and my correspondence with clergy was in response to what I was suffering, especially their protection of my abuser. She also omitted that she and her husband were close friends of the Dean and his wife and often had them round for supper, Mark Bond once commented that the Dean was always round at their house when his wife was away, and that the Dean's wife was the real Dean of Jersey. Teri Bond also omitted that at the time she was writing this public hate letter about me, her husband was in a spot of bother for kicking a vulnerable homeless man from the church-run hostel with a day's notice, a matter which was referred to Jane Fisher, and which she again refused to deal with.

random statement extract about the untruths I heard in court in sussex

I still think this is very important:

 

If I had had a fair trial then the church would not have been able to get me on a false charges, ie having me charged with harrassment between 'September and June', which is what the charge remained despite me saying it wasn't possible, and the church cannot have evidence that it is possible, but I was ignored when I said so.

In the september I was tried and told to plead not guilty to Jane Fisher and the Bishop's charges, I was then in remand until I was released on October 11th, I returned to england to be immediately shocked and distressed by the interference of the very same people, the Bishop, his wife and Jane Fisher, and I went to the police twice and asked for them to intervene, I was treated as if I was mad because of my record, and Jane Fisher and the Bishop and his wife continued relentlessly to involve themselves with my life, my friends and my use of the homeless services, which led to my collapse and arrest.

It was December before I retaliated in distress, at the end of my tether, I had no contact at all with the Bishop or jane Fisher before then, and yet it is claimed that I had, as if I had simply been 'harrassing' them non-stop from before the first court case until the next one, it was also claimed then that I had been convicted for Jane Fisher and the Bishop at the previous case, which is not true. 

Post Traumatic Stress

When you have been repeatedly brutalized and detained by the police, voiceless and jeered as mad and bad, you never really recover, you never really feel safe or take anything for granted.

Shafting Macsas -they contradict themselves so many times, and they help no-one

Let me tell you what annoys me about all this. Macsas acted illegally and damaged me and enabled
me to be further damaged, here they come storming into my life, frothing merrily, talking nonsense, they claim I know and have read the Korris rubbish, which I hadn't at the time, they want to support me to Winchester when a) Winchester don't give a damn, and b) macsas treated me no better than Winchester did. Macsas presumed a lot, and do you know what? they suddenly went away again, maybe their collaberation with winchester was not as succesful as both parties hoped, I do not distinguish macsas from the diocese of winchester, they are one in their incompete nce, irresponsibility, harm and cruelty. Macsas treated me exactly as the diocese did, including the same implications of insanity. Macsas acted illegally in 2011 and caused me massive damage in illegal breaches of confidence that caused me to be traced and maligned again by the Diocese, and led to me being viciously and nastily rejected for help in London, as well as macsas trying to have me 'captured' like an animal, and illegal violations of my family relationships that led to the end of any contact with my family. This same woman who inflicted these things is this Anne Lawrence who emailed me below, she has massively injured me, and here she is adding insult to injury by claming that the Korris rubbish, which has injured me eternally 'says it all', since when did macsas have the right to butt in and claim the Korris rubbish to be gospel? Since when did a report that omitted and injured me and was not changed or redacted, and which covers up for Jane Fisher at my expense, become gospel endorsed by macsas? Did they suddenly have authority to judge and find in favourt of my destroyers? And guess what, shortly after writing their rubbish, macsas was gone again. No word. Obviously the illegal collaberation between Anne Lawrence and my destroyer, Jane Fisher, didn't work very well after the initial attempts by the diocese to validate themselves through macsas.
The other very noticable thing is that both macsas and the Diocese started only using one of my two email addresses, the same one, at the same time, previously both using either.
Macsas have never supported me, they have used me to further their egos and aims and have supported and excused the Diocese of Winchester.


***********************
05/04/2013

to MACSAS



Thanks Anne,


I am relieved to see that you are not aware of my new identity, I hope that the Diocese of winchester aren't either, because I do not wish to be traced.



On Fri, Apr 5, 2013 at 12:06 PM, MACSAS 1 <macsas1@hotmail.com> wrote:

Ok ******* a short reply


(i) I never thought you were mentally ill. If anyone at MACSAS implied or said otherwise including me I am sorry.


(ii) Really good that you got a diagnosis from a senior clinical psychologist. PTSD is something we know about atMACSAS, many of us have it.

(iii) I will keep talking to you and I will try not to piss you off - please tell me if and when I do piss you off.

I will be in touch.

Anne


Date: Fri, 5 Apr 2013 11:47:24 +0100

Subject: Re: Hello ******, it is good to hear from you. I am sorry you are angry with us.

From: *************************

To: macsas1@hotmail.com

you talk a lot. I wish it could make any sense to me but it does not.


What you say about not being able to help me the way I wanted is bollocks. You could have helped me a lot more and you could have prevented some of the continuing damage.


Go and shoot your mouths off to the media if you want to get publicity for yourselves but do not make me out to be mentally ill. Give Jersey a kick for it's corrupt church system, don't let it be forgotten, because I am only one of the voiceless victims of an untouchable church system there.


Recent assessment and report by a senior clinical psychologist who specializes in asperger syndrome and PTSD has stated that I am severely traumatised, not seriously mentally ill.

Some of what you said and implied and did was inappropriate and wrong and no amount of


long emails will change that.

keep talking to me but don't piss me off.

J


On Fri, Apr 5, 2013 at 11:40 AM, MACSAS 1 <macsas1@hotmail.com> wrote:


Dear ******

it is good to hear from you. I am sorry you are angry with MACSAS.

MACSAS works with many who have been abused by people in their Churches and have not been listened to when they reported what happened. Those who work in MACSAS are all people this has happened to, including me. We do know the terrible hurt caused when abuse of power and exploitation of our vulnerabilities happens and when the church does not respond when we tell them what has happened. People have fought for many many years to be heard and for their cases to be taken seriously ****** and for some within MCASAS this still goes on. It is a terrible burden not to be heard and to feel rejected ****** and I know how you feel because I have felt the same way myself.


People in MACSAS do their best but we are not perfect and we are not always able to help all the people who contact us. People need different things but we try our best because we care and because we know what it feels like when the church rejects us and when we are hurt and don't want to carry on any more.

****** we did not reject you, but we were not able to help you as you wanted and that must feel the same. So that's why I am sorry, I am sorry that's how we made you feel.

You have read the Winchester Diocese report and saw what was said. The new Bishop of Winchester and the new Archbishop of Canterbury have said they are sorry. I think the Bishop of Winchester wants to say sorry to you if would let him do that.

The Archbishop is now investigating the Dean and the Church in Jersey to find out what went wrong becaaue the Dean refused to cooperate with the Diocese investigations. As I said to you before in 2011 what happened to you should never have happened and when you reported it the church should have dealt with it properly. The new investigation is now about things that are much bigger than your case, it's about all kinds of issues to do with power and authority and ensuring the most vulnerable are heard. What happened to you and how the church failed raises profound questions for the church about power dynamics, who has overall authority and what it is to be church.

You ask what the point of all this is now ******. Well the point is that no matter how long it has taken, the truth must be made known and the church must acknowledge what went wrong, try to put right the harm caused and must change its ways if it is to ever be a real church.

That takes time, too much time often, and should be quicker, but its not, because the church is a broken church and people within it are broken people. MACSAS tries to get the churches to do the right thing and sometimes we are listened to and sometimes we are not. But just because we are not listened to does not mean we are wrong. It just means it takes more time and more effort.

****** we do talk to the media when its important to do so, in order to support the people hurt in different parts of England, Wales and Scotland. We have not spoken about the Winchester case because the report said it all and because you did not ask us to.

I wonder if you want anything from the Church in Winchester now and if you want anyone in MACSAS to help or support you in any way. It is a question ****** because I think you should ask the Church in Winchester to provide you with compensation and support to put things right that they made wrong.

Thank you for contacting MACSAS and letting us know you are ok. We were all concerned.

With best wishes

Anne


Date: Fri, 5 Apr 2013 09:50:31 +0100

Subject:

From:***********

To: macsas1@hotmail.com
Hey,

Are you lot hoping to shoot your mouths off in the paper like you usually do about these things? I am surprised that you haven't already done so, but I suppose you can't tell the world that you supported me when you actually treated me shockingly.



***********************************

05/04/2013

to MACSAS
Surely they are going to be forced to re-instate the Dean of Jersey? The Bishop of Winchester has no power over there.

Date: Fri, 5 Apr 2013 09:50:31 +0100

Subject:

From: *******************

To: macsas1@hotmail.com
Hey,

Are you lot hoping to shoot your mouths off in the paper like you usually do about these things? I am surprised that you haven't already done so, but I suppose you can't tell the world that you supported me when you actually treated me shockingly




************************
05/04/2013
to MACSAS
The new Bishop is not responsible for what happened to me and so I am not sure he should have to say sorry.



MACSAS 1 <macsas1@hotmail.com>

05/04/2013
to me

Well there is a really big issue with whether the Bishop had the power to suspend the Dean. You are right to think they will have to reinstate him. Its a bit of a constitutional crisis.
BUT the Dean did behave very badly in not co-operating with the review and in not dealing with your complaint properly or fairly in the first place.

Anne

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device


MACSAS 1 <macsas1@hotmail.com>
05/04/2013
to me
I suppose as the new Bishop he may feel he should say sorry as leader of the church in Winchester now.

What about Bishop Michael? Do you think he should say sorry? I think that would be right too.





**********************


05/04/2013

to MACSAS

the less you say about that man the better, no apology will heal the wounds. Be careful because I will get angry if you mention him.


MACSAS 1 <macsas1@hotmail.com>

05/04/2013



to me

Ok


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Can we get the church of england done under the trade descriptions act? :)