The past 15 months

I think I write most about the past 15 months since the Diocese launched on me, but I will write some more.

• I don't understand why the Diocese launched on me in the press, especially as they claim the whole thing to be about safeguarding. How does publicly humiliating a broken, vulnerable and homeless person that they have given a record to, relate to safeguarding? Did they not think that through? Certainly the backlash that has left me a terrified fugitive with old friends and strangers alike condemning me and turning away, has not been to do with safeguarding but the opposite, didn't the Church of England think of that? How did they ever protect me from the Backlash and smear campaign that ensued? They didn't.
• Although I had made enough of a recovery from 2010/2011, and I was in therapy, I was still too traumatised to go back through what happened to me, and against my will and without any concern for me, the church dragged me back through it, with their publicity stunts and their press and the smear campaign, and then Bob Hill needed my side of things but never got my full story as I was too traumatized. I was too traumatized to relive things in therapy, how was I supposed to go through being dragged back through it, with the smear campaign dominating, and total strangers condemning me?
• Most people, faced with being assaulted by a wrong version of their past, plastered all over the press, and having no voice, would consider suicide, and I certainly did, and yet the Diocese want to do exactly the same again to me through the Steel report, and no-one will stop them, and so I am left with diminished quality of life, in fear, and waiting to be destroyed, because I cannot go on being publicly condemned in a one-sided statement that damns my whole life and does not allow my side of things, this wait is intolerable and completely and utterly unjust and inhumane.
• The Diocese allowed people who had no contact with me and whom I had done nothing to, such as Teri Bond and Gavin Ashenden and Bruce Willings, to defame and smear me and write untruths, these people claim to be Christians, how can they claim such a thing, and how can this be about safeguarding when it is killing a vulnerable adult who the church have already destroyed?!
• Last year, from the moment the church launched on me in the press, and the smear campaign ensued, I felt that I was on trial, that I had to confess all my wrongs, and explain them, when, in shock, taken by surprise and beaten down, I could not defend myself against the public defamation and condemnation of me, my side was not included in the Korris report, no one asked for my side, and I was voiceless as the condemnation poured over me, just as I was voiceless in Jersey and in Winchester on my return from Jersey, homeless and destitute as I still was last year when the church of england launched this terrible charade.
• No attempt was ever made by anyone in the church to get my full account of things and adjust the Korris report accordingly, no effort was made to stop the smear campaign or put the condemners on Clerical Whispers, Thinking Anglicans or other such narrow, opinionated Unchristian gossip sites right, no attempt was made at all by the Church to reach out to me or hear my distress or reassure me, nothing was offered to help me.
• Instead, there was silence for weeks as I protested at the police violation of my life, and after that, no attempt was made, as above, to do anything about my plight, instead when I phoned the Diocese to beg them not to harm me further, the Bishop threatened me, why did they have me violently traced and violated and shocked and offer nothing at all in return? Why in all the earth did the police agree to this, allow it or condone it? It was a horrifying and illegal invasion of my life which left me shocked and ill, and all in the pretence of care and safeguarding by the Diocese.
• And it remained, a violation, for no reason, no help offered, no reassurance, just threats that showed that whatever was going on, it wasn't about contrition, apologies or making things up to me, the Bishop also lied that he had personally apologized to me, which was shocking as he hadn't.