Homeless in Winchester part 3

• But anyway back to the day when Anne told me that she had had this email, I went back to the police, I was again in a terrible state, I said to the police that the diocese were still driving me mad and sending emails to my friends and I didn’t want to contact the diocese so could the police stop them please? 
• The police were less believing this time, I told them that Jane Fisher was sending emails that were upsetting my friendships and provoking me, and that the diocese had no further reason to be involved now that they had got what they wanted.
•  I told them that the diocese had got me done for retaliating to the terrible situation in Jersey, they asked me who had investigated the abuse in Jersey, they asked me Anne and her husband’s name and asked about JM and Jane Fisher, they asked if I was suicidal and mistakenly said they thought I had come in suicidal and dangerous because of this incident and I said no, that I was just very distressed.
• I had not come in threatening suicide, but asking in despair to be protected from the Diocese, which I never was.

• they asked if this had happened before and I was puzzled, they said they had seen it on the system about the time when I had ended up in the police station because the WPC had considered me suicidal due to my row with George and Jill. 
• I said I was not suicidal – I did not want or need to be locked in and hurt any further, the police seargent turned nice and said that they would speak to the diocese and that I should take things easy and that I would have good and bad days and things would get better eventually.
•  I found this helpful and reassuring, as well as the fact that I had now been in a police station twice without being battered and locked up. The policeman and saergent said they would speak to the diocese and get back to me.
•  They never got back to me but I know the diocese well enough to know how well and efficiently they would have covered up, all the words about how they were ‘trying to help me’, ‘concerned for me’, ‘sorry that they had to take action against me but they did and they were worried for my welfare’, 
• all the empty smooth talk, and the fact that what they had done the situation they had caused and the fact that they were hurting and provoking me beyond bearing while I could do nothing to defend myself and was watching my precious friendships go down the drain at the hands of the people who had just had me convicted and imprisoned seemed irrelevant and forgotten, but I refrained from contacting the diocese. I trusted the police, wrongly, to ask these people to refrain.

• I spoke with my other friends, Elizabeth and Peter, again they had been made aware of the situation by other people, not me, I asked who, and they tried to avoid the question, they said ‘people who are concerned about you’, I persisted in asking who, and they said ‘oh, Anne and other people who were concerned’
•  Anne and her husband said they had spoken to no-one, Elizabeth and Peter’s friendship with me had always exclusively been me going to see them at (their home), the only places I saw them were at their house, at the church, and at the fete or the school
•  But Elizabeth wanted to meet me in town, which seemed very odd, and reminded me of the diocese, of Tracy suddenly telling me I couldn’t come to her house without explaining why, after Jane Fisher had interfered, and how that damaged me.

• I was suspicious, I met with the Elizabeth and Peter but told them not to discuss anything, Elizabeth refused to answer my continued questions and so I told them  just as I told Anne and and her husband that I believed them to be unsafe friends to me due to the diocese.
• there were no protests or attempts to stay in touch, and the church friendships had become, through the diocese, just empty tools of pretend concern, my friends were gone,
•  My friend Shirley made attempts to contact me and to come to the Nightshelter with things for me, I had told the nightshelter that no-one from the church was to come or to interact about me, but they had ignored that and Shirley left me some things of mine that had been at her house, and a note, which made me upset and angry, 
• I did not want the raped destroyed friendships from the church penetrating the nightshelter and I was angry that the instruction to the nightshelter that no-one from the church was to contact me or discuss me with the nightshelter had been overridden, and I reinforced that wish angrily, and told Shirley to leave me alone.
•  I also found out that the Bishop of Winchester is patron of the Nightshelter, and so my stay there was under the shelter of the man who destroyed me and he was free to access my records and cause prejudice and unsettle me and separate me from the helpers. Which is what he and Jane Fisher did.

• So I had been back a week and seen the diocese completely wipe out years of trust and friendships, my strongest, oldest and most valuable friendships, and humiliate me completely, I had been back a week and had had to go to the police twice, I had been back a week and the nightmares and distress and panics were being heaped on me by the church when what had happened was already unbearable.
• I referred myself to the council after the support workers failed to do anything about the housing process, but after an hour and a half trying to survive a meeting with the council we had made little progress and I was exhausted, they made another Appointment for two days time, but I was ill that day and the support workers at the shelter suddenly wanted to be involved, they cancelled the appointment and no more appointments were made so I gave up.
•  later on after I had left the shelter, the support worker who now crosses the street tried to get me an appointment without even asking me, I cancelled it as I was just too confused and wary, more recently the Mental health services encouraged me to go back to the council but I was simply not able to cope with the meetings and paperwork and was at a point where I prefer to be street homeless and would not want to be on a council estate anyway, it would bring me down not lift me up, I know council estates, I am not being arrogant but I don’t belong there.

• The support worker who originally helping me, was a housing support worker, and she was very good at first, she helped me to get benefits, as I would not have been able to do this on my own, which is one of the reasons I remained in Jersey when things were really bad, applying for state benefits is prohibitively difficult. 
• Anyway, this support worker remained helping me for a while on the streets, even though the building she worked in was hard to get into.
• She did make me a council appointment without my permission though and I cancelled it, the Diocese's side of things had been fed to the council and they were not helpful, I could not cope with the housing process, had no wish to be in council
• This support worker told me that the diocese had been in touch with the Nightshelter, she was the one who innocently confirmed it - but in response to my outrage and distress, which was not violent or out of control -she told me it was 'because they wanted to know what church I was going to' as if that made it acceptable.
• This was before I found out I had been slandered to every church in the Winchester Deanery and churches together in Winchester.
• But obviously it got back to the church and nightshelter that I was angry about this, and the support worker started to avoid me, I know I did nothing to her, but she was someone who had provided evidence that the Diocese and nightshelter had acted illegally and breached data protection and my human rights.

• Before this support worker abandoned me without word, she tried and failed to get me into a women's shelter, which as described elsewhere horribly failed when the Diocese's criminal record of me and opinion got to them through the council and nightshelter and I suffered the horrible blow of being called an abuser instead of a survivor of abuse.
• The shelter, who had been very hopeful and encouraging until their heard the diocese's side of things, turned me away as an abuser and told me to go to my doctor to get housed, it is absolutely crazy how many people think casualty or the doctor are housing services, when they are medical services.

• So when this shelter plan fell through and I was on the streets in the snow, this support worker joined the growing inane cries to me to go to casualty, this crazy 'go to your doctor/go to casualty' cry dogged me throughout my time in Winchester and onwards, when I was seeing a doctor regularly and the doctor could not help and going to casulaty for homelessness is a wicked waste of emergency services time, and when I finally actually obeyed this foolhardy request, in London later, I was indeed a waste of their time and left casualty in the early hours, traumatized and vulnerable when I should have been asleep in my hedge, with the hospital unable to help as I was not mentally ill.
• So the Diocese were very succesful in blocking me being housed and removing friendship, safety and confidentiality from me and leaving me shamed and branded on the streets, with the police refusing to act for me and protect me.