Announcing the Books

Yes, well, I will announce the books for the first time, and then I will go and collect my washing from the laundry.
I have been working this morning but I am exhausted and I am sitting here trying to edit several other books, and I am actually wearing a jumper! The third book has had some blips with publishing but I hope that it will be available without too much delay. There are a few errors here and there, but I want to be heard before the CofE kill me. Sorry I can't lower the prices more, the royalties are quite low and any money made will make my life a bit less harsh.

Coming Home was the first to publish. This was written freehand in a month, and it describes the rebuild of my life from when I left the streets, against the backdrop of the petty and vicious Church of England un/civil war and their launches in the press:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/jj-nortyperson/coming-home/paperback/product-22826161.html

The Silent World is my second book. This describes my childhood:

http://www.lulu.com/shop/jj-nortyperson/the-silent-world/paperback/product-22820180.html

Goodnight Anna is my best book. Life on the streets in glorious reality colour. Goodnight Anna has had some technical issues but I hope that it is on sale now or soon without further issues.

http://www.lulu.com/shop/jj-nortyperson/goodnight-anna/paperback/product-22830038.html

A homeless person's letter

This letter in the Daily Mirror reminds me of my own struggles. It is so sad that yet again, someone who wants a better life has it wrecked by drug people and limited and stringent homeless services.
Thank you to the Ark for looking after him. RIP.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/heartbreaking-letter-written-homeless-man-7102742

How Many Homeless people can you fit in this hospitable place? :)

HOMELESS IN WINCHESTER 2010 CONTINUED

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSAoEf1Ib58

• Back to the story, Winchester October 2010.
• I was in a mess, wearing these ragged clothes and shoes that were worn through, walking all the time in these soft unsupportive shoes which were causing my ankle to struggle, the shoes were so worn that I could feel the ground, the holes in the soles let in water and sharp things, so I got a pair of trainers and some jeans, I was extremely worried about money and spending as I only had what wages I had in the bank from my last wage packet, and I knew that I could never get through the rigmarole of applying for benefits especially as I had just come back from Jersey and felt sure I would be entitled to little or nothing. I didn’t think I could explain to anyone why I had ended up homeless and I felt sure that anyone I tried to explain to would soon have the diocese along contradicting it.

• The shoes I had when I arrived in Winchester were the same soft house shoes with holes in the soles that I was taken from my home in Jersey wearing, they were only suitable for indoors. Bob Hill mistakenly describes them as tatty trainers.

• So I had new trainers and trousers, but I was walking so much that I was getting into difficulties, I was walking stiffly, completely tensed up all the time, my legs and arms were stiff, and my ankle was awkward, I didn’t fully know what my problem with walking was even though the doctor in Jersey had mentioned it, the doctor at the Trinity centre checked me over and made sure my reflexes were ok and said she thought it was to do with anxiety among other things. She said regarding the trauma of what had happened in Jersey, that I would start to recover in 3 or 4 years. She was a nice helpful doctor.
• I wondered about my back aches and stiff legs and if the egg sized lump on my back by my spine was anything to do with things, but she said it seemed to just be a lipoma, which was a relief, I felt so ill that I wondered what was wrong with me. But I was ill because I was so badly damaged mentally and emotionally by what had happened and my situation.
• The trainers were useless and my feet got blistered and infected, it was strange because I had never got blisters before in my life, not even when wearing army boots and running, not from running, not from wearing work boots, but now I was getting blisters and infections that made me walk all the more badly, I walk in a way that puts pressure on the outsides of my feet, it is not correctable even with special insoles I have to balance me, they do very little because of how pronounced the incorrect alignment of my feet is, so  it was a struggle to get anywhere.

•  The nurse at the Trinity Centre gave me antibiotic cream and padding and bandages to help me cope, but it was early days then, I had not learned to cope with homeless feet and in the early stages of being homeless and very traumatised, I didn’t know what to do or where to go, how to settle down to do anything, being street homeless is something you have to learn, you don’t come from a home to knowing exactly how survive on the streets, and so you suffer,  you feel cold and lost and traumatised and tired, you crave a warm quiet bed and a home and a kettle and a purpose in life, you lose your purpose when you come from the safety of a home and a job to the endless nothing and pointlessness of homelessness. 
• (written in 2011, obviously)Though now after 6 months I am so well looked after that no-one knows I am homeless until they see me diving in the rubbish bins with the boys for food, yes I do indeed do this and I am not ashamed.

• my friends came back from Jersey and I suffered fresh trauma as my friend tried to make me talk, tried to tell me about how she had talked to Mark Bond and Judith Davey in Jersey, talked about talking to Shirley and Andreamy landlady in Jersey, I told her not discuss me with Shirley or Mark or Judith any further please , I was humiliated,  She said something about what had been covered up in Jersey being wrong, but it was no good saying anything to me it just caused me huge distress, I ended up in collapse at St. Bartholomews church with the fluffy headed curate there making a token effort to ‘help’, but Jane Fisher soon set her right with the diocese’s side of things there. There was never any point in me talking to a priest since I returned to Winchester, even though what I needed most was a priest to help me to come to terms with what the church have done to me and help me find God among the terrible things that have happened and find a way forward with God, but sadly the diocese have ensured that that will never happen.

Well since writing this in 2011, I have found God because I realised the Church of England are nothing to do with God, and God is in other churches and places.

• In the nightshelter I had nightmares and was scared, one morning in the early hours I was suffering distress from massive nightmares about the police manhandling me and throwing me into court, I got up and the nasty piece of work supervisor, the only nasty one out of four, because the others were ok, was awake and working, he approached me with hostile attitude and went on at me for being up in the night, it was between 4 and 5am, I wouldn’t go back to my room so he let me sit in the lounge while he went back to his work, I had some hot tea and watched the pouring, pounding rain outside, then the supervisor came back and told me to go back to my room, he could see I was distressed and crying and he was so cold, I went to my room and got my backpack,( I had got a cheap backpack since I had returned to Winchester) and I went out of the nightshelter, it was very early morning and pouring with rain, this is the ‘considerable help’ that Tim Sledge jeered at me when he was smashing me down for Jane Fisher and the diocese when he told me I had simply walked out of the ‘considerable help’ provided by the Nightshelter? Maybe Tim should have asked for my side before trying to shove me back into the nightshelter for the diocese!

• The nightshelter reminded me of prison and I was frightened of the narrow corridor that people were always walking along and passing each other too close, it was too much for me, the shower didn’t work in the girls bathroom and the little room I had did remind me of a cell, especially when I had to lock myself in and endure the noise outside just as I was locked in and endured the noise outside in prison. So it kept the prison and the shame alive for me.
• The girls shower didn’t work, and every time I went in the bathroom there were people in the corridor or computer room making a noise and laughing and I felt exposed and anxious.
• My hair was a mess and I had a cheap haircut that made it more of a mess, it looked terrible, and I couldn’t wash it very well in the bath, so I had the shoulder length messy hair completely shaved off, I do not know if there was something psychological in that as well as physical, but most people were not happy that I had done this, and the rumour mongers who I will explain in a minute, had a field day. I was happy about no having dirty messy hair any more.

• Anyway, back in the nightshelter it was tough, there were good and bad people there, the good people – (names redacted) and any others I cannot remember, helped and supported me, (names redacted) were as unsure of me as I was of them for a few days and then we got talking and got on well, all homeless people are traumatized in one way or another, homelessness is nothing ok or good, (name redacted) is a nice man who had had a breakdown of some kind and knew how nervous I was and made an effort to support me, he is a very tactile man, he expresses his friendliness and concern through touch, sometimes sudden and anuexpected, but he means well so I never reacted too sharply, the others warned him to be careful with touching me, (name redacted) was an angry person with a lot of concerns, but he also helped me by being friendly and inclusive, and talking to me about things and encouraging me to join in with things, including joining him for the first part of a walk he was doing to Southampton.

• Other people came and went from the Shelter, but it ended up that there was a group of people there who were mainly offenders, it horrifies me that I am ‘the same as them’, these people were not ashamed as I am, some of them had tags and ASBOs, they liked smoking and alcohol, and were miffed about the nightshelter rules against these things, they shouted and quarrelled and made life difficult for us less able and quieter members of the shelter, *** said she was terrified to come out of her room sometimes, I had a little single room, so did she.
•  the group of noisy people would gather in the room opposite mine with the door open, and they would be shouting away, there would be five or more in that room all evening and they would be shouting away, the place echoed and that made it worse, I was suffering so much distress from what had happened and the diocese that I could not cope with all this distress and the noise that went on until 11pm in the evening, 11pm in the evening was very late indeed for me and I was exhausted every day from being homeless and trying to cope with what had happened and hold myself together.

•  I made several complaints to the management, and the manager wasn’t interested, one of the supervisors showed an interest and tried to help, one of the other supervisors who is a nasty piece of work went in there and joined in with the noise, but the good supervisor, Phil, who had been the one rambling about the politics of city church, managed to temporarily make the situation a bit better after I walked out and slept rough for a night, I went back and things were better while Phil remained on duty, and he told me that *** had also made complaints about things happening there, there were also other complaints from rows about who had the telly remote and other things unrelated to this, but the manager wasn’t bothered, I went to her with the complaint, unaware then that the diocese had been able to intervene – and can you imagine the diocese not intervening, considering the story I took to the nightshelter of what the church had done to me to leave me homeless and on the nightshelter’s doorstep?!
•  But anyway, the manager was unhelpful and sharp and told me that the noise was acceptable, I asked if she had heard it and she said no but it was acceptable, I said that in that case I was better off sleeping rough somewhere quieter where there were not frightening people outside my door, and I walked out, I had to leave a lot of stuff behind, but I have found as my time as a homeless person has progressed that you do leave a lot fo stuff behind and that you cannot place value on possessions if you cannot keep them with you, if you have anything of value it needs to stay with you in your pack, if it is too big or of no value it has to be stashed and left at risk of theft, I have had my things lost and stolen a number of times now.

• The Trinity Centre and the nightshelter work so closely together that thay are almost the same unit, when the support worker at the Trinity centre were told that I was sleeping rough, they created a very unpleasant and frightening situation, the support worker told me I should go back to the Nightshelter or she would call social services, I said no I wasn’t going back there, she said that if I walked out she would call social services, she said she could phone the nightshelter and we could discuss it.
•  I said that the manager had made it clear that nothing would be done about the noise and disruption and that I was not going to see social services, she said I could speak to them there or she would alert them anyway or I could go back to the Nightshelter, I said no, I was not going to be grabbed and locked up by social services, she surprisingly said that she agreed I had been through bad things that were not my fault (which shows that the diocese were not influencing the Trinity Centre yet), but she persisted that I had choices, but to me there was no valid choice.
•  she did not deny that social services might involve the police, and  I went out of my mind with terror because I did not want to be trapped at the Trinity Centre any longer or be on the run from the police and social services, fortunately the Trinity Centre doctor came downstairs and took in what was happening because by now I was screaming at this support worker that I had had enough of being trapped and in trouble and I had done nothing to deserve this, the doctor took the support worker aside, and when she came back the support worker said that she would not phone social services.
•  another support worker came and sat with me outside and got me a cup of tea, I was not going to go back to the Trinity Centre but this support worker persuaded me that I could. She told me that the other support worker had simply been concerned. So I didn’t abandon the Trinity Centre at that point.

After Winchester 2011, written 11/06/2014

It is an incredible thing that the church can drive a vulnerable abuse survivor to be a fugitive who no-one will help, who will go on being traumatized and will be villified for it, followed by a bad record and unable to cope with it or what has happened, and villified as a result, this is the Church of England, who's claims to Christianity thus do not ring true.

I will quickly post the rest of the London links:

1. http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/memories-of-london.html
2. http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/london-continued_25.html
3. http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/london-continued.html
4. http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/my-brother-rescue-mission.html
5. http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/london_26.html

1. http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/london.html
2. http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/london-ragged-ends.html
3. http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/london-final-chapter.html

After Winchester 2011

• The CofE are reading all this and making sure no-one corroberates my story. That would be funny wouldn't it? To think a church can be that dishonest to save their skins.

• Most of my Story from October 2011 to Now, is in print on this blog lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk This blog is a merge of  'Wanderer' blog and the newer 'Life after the Diocese blog, and goes back to 2011. There are complex parts that are not included in great detail on this, about the struggles I had to get help from medical and homeless services, and how I ended up unable to get the help I needed and being a fugitive and misunderstood and villified due to the record I was given, I will write about these in more depth later on.
• My other blog 'Homeless' is back online for the first time since 2012, but I will only be making posts visible again gradually to make sure it is all censored and suitable for the now general public who read my blogs rather than the select few who used to read it in 2011/12, currently only 4 posts from 2011 are visible http://thisishomecoming.blogspot.co.uk/ I will be working to liberate posts on this blog for reading.

• London, Summer 2011. I remained without help and very traumatized, I went into an NHS trauma clinic in Camden and was told that they had over a year's waiting list and referrals were supposed to be through a doctor, but my experience so far with my doctor and the maudsley didn't give me any hope of referral, so that was not an option, and basically, I didn't think I was going to last another few months, let alone a year, I was profoundly traumatized and without hope.
• Completely hopeless on the streets, I did not give up looking for help, ever, even though I was usually turned away and fobbed off, because they only have to look you up when you are on the system, and you are rubbished and turned away, anyway, I made contact with a trauma charity, who were worse than useless, they are called 'Assist' and I would not reccomend you contact them in distress.
• Assist, after failing to understand me, told me that I should go to casualty, this gets a bit sickening after a while, it is NOT a good response to anyone, and someone needs to educate all these people that sending people to waste casualty's time.
• Anyway, this was a time when, in the terrible state I was in, and with the flaming brand of serious mental illness by the Diocese, going so deep, that I had started to believe it again, as I did in Jersey, I went to casualty.
• I went to casualty one evening, and I was terrified by a man there who was seriously mentally ill, and although he had got himself to casualty, he was going mad.
• I guess all the people who incorrectly told me to go to casualty didn't think I would be a waste of time in a place where there were people who were really in need of help.
• The incident of the man going mad and having to be sedated, shocked me and worsened the fear and trauma, seeing this man forcibly restrained reminded me of the diocese making me out to be like him and wanting the same treatment for me.
• I was in casualty until the early hours, they could not help me as they said I was not mentally ill, and of course, as ever, I was not going to be needlessly further detained and traumatized by admitting to being suicidal.

Homeless in Winchester part 3

• But anyway back to the day when Anne told me that she had had this email, I went back to the police, I was again in a terrible state, I said to the police that the diocese were still driving me mad and sending emails to my friends and I didn’t want to contact the diocese so could the police stop them please? 
• The police were less believing this time, I told them that Jane Fisher was sending emails that were upsetting my friendships and provoking me, and that the diocese had no further reason to be involved now that they had got what they wanted.
•  I told them that the diocese had got me done for retaliating to the terrible situation in Jersey, they asked me who had investigated the abuse in Jersey, they asked me Anne and her husband’s name and asked about JM and Jane Fisher, they asked if I was suicidal and mistakenly said they thought I had come in suicidal and dangerous because of this incident and I said no, that I was just very distressed.
• I had not come in threatening suicide, but asking in despair to be protected from the Diocese, which I never was.

• they asked if this had happened before and I was puzzled, they said they had seen it on the system about the time when I had ended up in the police station because the WPC had considered me suicidal due to my row with George and Jill. 
• I said I was not suicidal – I did not want or need to be locked in and hurt any further, the police seargent turned nice and said that they would speak to the diocese and that I should take things easy and that I would have good and bad days and things would get better eventually.
•  I found this helpful and reassuring, as well as the fact that I had now been in a police station twice without being battered and locked up. The policeman and saergent said they would speak to the diocese and get back to me.
•  They never got back to me but I know the diocese well enough to know how well and efficiently they would have covered up, all the words about how they were ‘trying to help me’, ‘concerned for me’, ‘sorry that they had to take action against me but they did and they were worried for my welfare’, 
• all the empty smooth talk, and the fact that what they had done the situation they had caused and the fact that they were hurting and provoking me beyond bearing while I could do nothing to defend myself and was watching my precious friendships go down the drain at the hands of the people who had just had me convicted and imprisoned seemed irrelevant and forgotten, but I refrained from contacting the diocese. I trusted the police, wrongly, to ask these people to refrain.

• I spoke with my other friends, Elizabeth and Peter, again they had been made aware of the situation by other people, not me, I asked who, and they tried to avoid the question, they said ‘people who are concerned about you’, I persisted in asking who, and they said ‘oh, Anne and other people who were concerned’
•  Anne and her husband said they had spoken to no-one, Elizabeth and Peter’s friendship with me had always exclusively been me going to see them at (their home), the only places I saw them were at their house, at the church, and at the fete or the school
•  But Elizabeth wanted to meet me in town, which seemed very odd, and reminded me of the diocese, of Tracy suddenly telling me I couldn’t come to her house without explaining why, after Jane Fisher had interfered, and how that damaged me.

• I was suspicious, I met with the Elizabeth and Peter but told them not to discuss anything, Elizabeth refused to answer my continued questions and so I told them  just as I told Anne and and her husband that I believed them to be unsafe friends to me due to the diocese.
• there were no protests or attempts to stay in touch, and the church friendships had become, through the diocese, just empty tools of pretend concern, my friends were gone,
•  My friend Shirley made attempts to contact me and to come to the Nightshelter with things for me, I had told the nightshelter that no-one from the church was to come or to interact about me, but they had ignored that and Shirley left me some things of mine that had been at her house, and a note, which made me upset and angry, 
• I did not want the raped destroyed friendships from the church penetrating the nightshelter and I was angry that the instruction to the nightshelter that no-one from the church was to contact me or discuss me with the nightshelter had been overridden, and I reinforced that wish angrily, and told Shirley to leave me alone.
•  I also found out that the Bishop of Winchester is patron of the Nightshelter, and so my stay there was under the shelter of the man who destroyed me and he was free to access my records and cause prejudice and unsettle me and separate me from the helpers. Which is what he and Jane Fisher did.

• So I had been back a week and seen the diocese completely wipe out years of trust and friendships, my strongest, oldest and most valuable friendships, and humiliate me completely, I had been back a week and had had to go to the police twice, I had been back a week and the nightmares and distress and panics were being heaped on me by the church when what had happened was already unbearable.
• I referred myself to the council after the support workers failed to do anything about the housing process, but after an hour and a half trying to survive a meeting with the council we had made little progress and I was exhausted, they made another Appointment for two days time, but I was ill that day and the support workers at the shelter suddenly wanted to be involved, they cancelled the appointment and no more appointments were made so I gave up.
•  later on after I had left the shelter, the support worker who now crosses the street tried to get me an appointment without even asking me, I cancelled it as I was just too confused and wary, more recently the Mental health services encouraged me to go back to the council but I was simply not able to cope with the meetings and paperwork and was at a point where I prefer to be street homeless and would not want to be on a council estate anyway, it would bring me down not lift me up, I know council estates, I am not being arrogant but I don’t belong there.

• The support worker who originally helping me, was a housing support worker, and she was very good at first, she helped me to get benefits, as I would not have been able to do this on my own, which is one of the reasons I remained in Jersey when things were really bad, applying for state benefits is prohibitively difficult. 
• Anyway, this support worker remained helping me for a while on the streets, even though the building she worked in was hard to get into.
• She did make me a council appointment without my permission though and I cancelled it, the Diocese's side of things had been fed to the council and they were not helpful, I could not cope with the housing process, had no wish to be in council
• This support worker told me that the diocese had been in touch with the Nightshelter, she was the one who innocently confirmed it - but in response to my outrage and distress, which was not violent or out of control -she told me it was 'because they wanted to know what church I was going to' as if that made it acceptable.
• This was before I found out I had been slandered to every church in the Winchester Deanery and churches together in Winchester.
• But obviously it got back to the church and nightshelter that I was angry about this, and the support worker started to avoid me, I know I did nothing to her, but she was someone who had provided evidence that the Diocese and nightshelter had acted illegally and breached data protection and my human rights.

• Before this support worker abandoned me without word, she tried and failed to get me into a women's shelter, which as described elsewhere horribly failed when the Diocese's criminal record of me and opinion got to them through the council and nightshelter and I suffered the horrible blow of being called an abuser instead of a survivor of abuse.
• The shelter, who had been very hopeful and encouraging until their heard the diocese's side of things, turned me away as an abuser and told me to go to my doctor to get housed, it is absolutely crazy how many people think casualty or the doctor are housing services, when they are medical services.

• So when this shelter plan fell through and I was on the streets in the snow, this support worker joined the growing inane cries to me to go to casualty, this crazy 'go to your doctor/go to casualty' cry dogged me throughout my time in Winchester and onwards, when I was seeing a doctor regularly and the doctor could not help and going to casulaty for homelessness is a wicked waste of emergency services time, and when I finally actually obeyed this foolhardy request, in London later, I was indeed a waste of their time and left casualty in the early hours, traumatized and vulnerable when I should have been asleep in my hedge, with the hospital unable to help as I was not mentally ill.
• So the Diocese were very succesful in blocking me being housed and removing friendship, safety and confidentiality from me and leaving me shamed and branded on the streets, with the police refusing to act for me and protect me.

Homeless in Winchester 2010 part 2

• I made no contact with the diocese on my return to Winchester, I had no intention of doing so, and stupidly believed that they would do likewise, stupidly, stupidly believed that now they had destroyed me and made it clear beyond anything that they did not believe me and believed Key, that they would accept that they had severely ‘punished’ me and would leave me alone, but I was mistaken, very mistaken, I had forgotten Jane Fisher’s job of protecting the church’s reputation, and here I was in Winchester, destroyed and such a danger to that reputation, and I have no doubt that despite this statement being true, Jane Fisher has and is there to ‘hush things up’ that too will be hidden and covered so that it does look like the diocese were simply ‘concerned’ about me, despite being the ones who destroyed me and their ‘concern’ having no benefit to me whatsoever and being of great harm to me as well as the fact that they refused to withdraw their interventions since I came back and went on and on intervening as I screamed at them in anguish, my reopening of communication with them was entirely provoked as continued to be hurt, shocked and harmed by their intervention and its impact on me.

• And guess what they did about me going out of my mind and screaming at Jane Fisher to back down and asking the Bishop again and again to withdraw her from intervention? They had me attacked by the police, covered up their intervention and made it look as if I was mad, I was treated nastily and brutally by the police, and was bruised and thrown around screaming in terror and distress, I was locked up and had the police outside the cell calling me paranoid and a troublemaker and getting my CRB  check on the computer and the diocese having hidden what had happened in Jersey and dissociated themselves from it, I was called a troublemaker because of what they read about what was written, that one sided destroyal of me in Jersey, so there I was, destroyed by what had happened in Jersey and having suffered and suffered at Fisher’s hands since my return to Winchester, being called a troublemaker and seriously mentally ill because the diocese took offence at my autistic despairing reaction to the terrible and wrong continued interference in my life.
• Anyway that comes later, back to the story:
• I went to the Trinity Centre the next day after a night of sickness and nightmares at the Nightshelter, and when I went to the Trinity Centre I had a terrible terrible shock, Lou Scott-Joynt phoned me, she had somehow got my number muddled up with (my friend's)number and was obviously aware that (my friend) was involved with me, she was trying to phone (my friend) about me and had phoned me! I collapsed, Lou Scott-Joynt realised she had phoned me and said ‘oh is that ******? This is Lou Scott-Joynt’. I told her to go to hell and I put the phone down in shock, 

• later I found that I also had a previous missed call from her on my phone, I was so shocked I escaped from the homeless centre and was sobbing and sick, I phoned (my friend) who was still in Jersey, I told her that Lou-Scott-Joynt had been trying to phone her and that I was going to the police, I told her I could not cope with the diocese continuing to interfere now that they had destroyed me, (my friend) said that if anyone spoke to her that she would speak to them and would listen and that her opinion would still be her own, but the diocesan interference and (my friends) being involved at all took away the trust of that long strong relationship, I did not feel that I am safe from the prying church and their interference and I felt ashamed and humiliated and unwilling to confide anything to these friends any more, can I ask you to imagine the impact of this on me?

• My friends may may be different ages to me, but they were some of my first friends and it was a long, strong and trusting relationship where I didn’t feel judged, as a result of what happened  I felt l condemned and ashamed and humiliated and unable to trust until I stopped  seeing them, in all appearances the relationship would seem the same as ever, but inside the bonds  frayed and the solidness is gone. I am sorry to admit that, it breaks my heart, Lou Scott-Joynt really stuck the knife in by what she did, if she had got hold of my friend instead of me and it had been kept quiet, I do not know what would have happened, but she got me, and she left me traumatised and shocked to realise that the diocese thought they could simply continue to rape my life for their own ends.
•  'Genuine concern for me' would be their glib answer, but if there had been any genuine concern, they would have left me and my relationships alone and allowed me to rebuild my life instead of violating me and having me slated for my response, what they did was callously cruel and unhealable.

•  I do not know if Lou Scott-Jouynt proceeded to talk to my friend, but people obviously have, and so I felt ashamed when I go to see my friend, my friend’s daughter  was obviously unsure of me after I was forced to leave Jersey, and one day she was there with her friend, her friend had obviously been told whatever my friends' view of the matter was as she blurted out something about it in a very bright and humiliating way and went on to say something about me wearing her friend's old top, even though at the time I wasn’t, I was wearing similar, but she seemed to think it was all a great joke, and I was very humiliated, while her friend tried to get her to hush up and go upstairs with her.
• This is some of the impact of the Diocese and their violations, can you imagine if you were publicly disgraced like this and powerless and helpess against this humiliation? No one reading this would want to go through what I did.

• Back to the story, I went straight from the homeless Centre to the police station, I was so shocked and seeing police on top of that was the last thing I needed, but I could not stand the thought of the diocese going on and on and on hurting me, 
• I was broken beyond healing and I do not know how I got through those first terrible days back in Winchester, the policeman who I spoke to was actually very nice, this was before the Bishop and Jane Fisher had their say to the police, the policeman looked at my phone and I told him what had happened, I was panicking from being in the policestation and I was in shock from the call from Lou Scott-Joynt,
•  I do not know how I didn’t break down completely, I showed the policeman the number on my phone, afterwards I worried in case I had shown him the nightshelter number which is similar and had also come up when the nightshelter secretary had tested that she had my mobile number by phoning it. 
• The policeman said he would phone Lou Scott-Joynt and ask her not to contact me and for the diocese to leave me alone, he said I did not look like a troublemaker when I explained to him how the diocese had got me done for retaliating to what had been happening in Jersey. He said he would phone me back to let me know about it, but he never did.
• Basically the Diocese had all the voice and when I repeatedly begged the police to stop them, the police treated me as mad and refused to do anything. It remains that they have not and will not restrain the Diocese from harming me.

• I went to See Anne and her husband, the last thing I wanted to do was bring my problems to them, I wanted to see them, in all this destroyal the sweetest thing was to be able to see Anne and her husband,
•  I went to see them, I didn’t go on about what had happened to me or my situation, the last thing I wanted was to load them with my problems even though they are emotionally balanced and don’t get overwhelmed with anyone’s problems
• , I made a great effort to be cheerful and happy to be in Hampshire, I told them that I was in the nightshelter and we just chatted. Anne wanted me to come back and see them again soon, and I said I would, sadly a few days later I spoke to Anne on the phone about coming to see them when she had said I could, but she told me she had had an email forwarded to her by JM, which was from Jane Fisher, I was indescribably shocked and angry, this woman Jane Fisher was using JM who had covered Fred’s abuse by calling me malicious and who had involved herself in the matter in Jersey and harmed me by doing so, 

• Jane Fisher was using JM in this matter as if I was not shamed and humiliated enough! And was raping my friendship with Anne and her family this way, humiliating me, giving the church’s opinion to my friends, there was an is no way that the arrest and imprisonment will ever heal for me, and it was bad enough my friends knowing that this terrible thing had happened, but for the diocese to go on and interfere in this way after what had happened was intolerable. I do not know what Jane Fisher said in her email, I do know that there is no way whatsoever that this could have been beneficial to me.
• Anyway after Anne repeatedly trying to talk to me and force this onto me while I screamed, that was the end of my friendship with Anne and her family, Anne was dying and died a few months later, with me estranged from her, and the diocese would not even let me grieve, they raped my grief and used it to the police as well, a friendship of over 10 years and full of love, was destroyed by the Diocese's influence that they used to cover their backs and defame me, friendships of 10 years and more were wiped out and I was defamed, to church members and officers such as Anne, and as most of my friends were church members and position holders, I watched my friendships and the whole structure of my life in my hometown of Winchester, swept away.

After Winchester, Summer 2011

• When I arrived in London I went to the Maudsley hospital and told them I was severely traumatized and needed help.
• The maudsley sent me to Kings College A&E where I was assessed by a mental health professional, he was very nice and kind and he got me some food. He did an assessment and said he would send it back over to the Maudlsey and hopefully they could refer me to the traumatic stress unit, although I was told that the waiting list was months long.The assessment didn't consider me to be mentally ill, and I was encouraged by the fact that again, no-one attempted to detain me or considered me any sort of risk.
• I heard nothing from the Maudsley, so I went back there. The staff were kind but said basically the waiting list was huge and it would be over a year before I could be treated even if I could get a referral, there was no sign that the report from Kings college had been accepted as a referral, and so the Maudsley kindly phoned my doctor, where I was still registered in Winchester, the doctor said that the 'local mental health' services at Winchester would have to agree a referral, she had previously applied for a referral for me to the Maudsley traumatic stress unit on my request when I was still in Winchester and nothing appeared to have come of that.
• Anyway, I ended up frustrated and upset, and to my shame, shouting at the doctor that if I was not helped, I would not survive, poor lady, it isn't her fault.
• So, basically, I never got the help I needed and pleaded for at the Maudsley.
• Those who don't know, the Maudsley is the biggest neurological and psychiatric hospital in the country, based in London and it was where I was assessed and diagnosed for the autistic spectrum, hence me knowing of the Maudsley and pleading for further help there.

• I was very very deeply distressed and traumatized while on the streets of London, it was a very dark time indeed, I went to London in the hope of escaping the Diocese of Winchester, unfortunately, judging by the Korris report and the way I was treated by those who looked up my record, I didn't escape at all, and London is very very harsh on rough sleepers, the latest news is all about anti-homeless spikes, but there is CHURCH in London which has a notice warning rough sleepers that they and their posessions will be hosed down if they are found around the church.

• Interestingly enough, I attended this same church for morning prayer a few times a week, and asked them why this notice was there, and the lady who I asked said that she doubted our nice vicar was anything to do with it, it was probably the council.
• I have to say, that that church was actually very tolerant of the homeless who lived in their grounds, seeking shelter in the locked church gardens at night where they would be safe from attacks from strangers, they were London church, limited in what they could do, but I believe the lady who said that it was not the church but the council who put the hosing down notice there.
• And to that church's credit, they were a Church of England church, but they got me coffee, they made me welcome and they chatted to me, and they treated me as human, just as the Diocese of Winchester hadn't, and I had no fall-out with them. Credit to that church! They even offered to help house me, but, that would have led to a nightmare of my records being looked up, the Diocese of Winchester being contacted and me being villified and driven out.
• I had to leave that church behind with no word when I left London, because I had to leave everyone in London behind with no notice, which saddens me, the churches and homeless and daycentres who looked after me, I had to leave them all without any word that day, soaked from the rain and struggling to walk at all, I left London or I would have died on the streets there.

More to come.

Homeless Spikes

A lot of fuss is being made about anti-rough sleeper spikes in London.

This is interesting, because for a long time in London, councils have had a policy, especially at Waterloo, of hosing down rough sleepers and their posessions, which is inhumane and very cruel. If you are homeless, you need to keep as warm and dry as possible, and you own very little and need what you own, in Waterloo, they hose the homeless and their posessions down to get rid of them, with no concern whatsoever for the health and welfare of those human beings they are treating like animals.

On the streets of London, if you end up cold and wet, you are much less likely to find a warm place or any help to dry out and get warm, it is harsh, let me tell you that from experience.

But this never causes outrage on the news.

With the spikes, anyone can outwit those, by making a bed out of pallets, yes, it can be done, you can put pallets on those spikes, and there are pallets around, sleep on the spikes just to annoy the people who placed them.

I am not sure the Tesco windowsill ones are anti-homelss, just anti-anyone, anti-gang, etc.

But, these spikes are a hazard to the general public, especially children.

Who will be first to sue? :)

Not all bad then, a reference sent to Bob Hill last year to clarify how I am

It is notable that less problems occur with friends who allow me space and do not panic when I can't cope, and who do not get involved intensely or as a panacea for their own troubles. This couple are admirable in what they have done for me when everyone and everything else was hurting me as a result of Diocese actions

Mrs ****** *******

* ****** Road

******* *****

******** *****

**** ***

Tel. ********

Dear Mr Hill

A reference for ****** *****

I have known ***** now for over 2 years. We first met in St ******* ** church. she had come in for a warm. We chatted for a while and told me she was homeless. so I invited her to come home with us (my husband ******) for a bite to eat. Since then we have become close friends, she stays often stays over night.

During this time she has spoken of her past. It's quite amazing that she pushed herself through College and

gained a certificate in Agriculture and Horticulture after such a volatile childhood, I so admire her.

With a combination of Asperges, Autism and Asthma there comes frustration of not being able to express

ones feelings and comprehend a situation which invitably results in anger and fear.

*******'s experience in Jersey  damaged her profoundly she is stuggling to cope. She desparetly needs a voice. Until the 'Jersey' incident is addressed properly and investigated in depth, I believe she will continue to be a vunerable and frieghtened young woman. Her plight is getting considerably worse.

******'s manners are first class, she's respectful and never askes for anything, is totally trustworthy and honest. I know she's very caring and gentle as she gives her fellow homeless companions a shoulder to cry on, she listens.......I pray that someone will listen to her

Yours Sincerly

Mrs ******* ******