Dear Diocese of Winchester,
Is there any sign of the Bishop understanding the impact of his abuse of me yet?
And any sign of him stopping being a coward and stepping forward to end my suffering?
The thing is, the church have shown ultimate hypocrisy in this, destroying me publicly while protecting abusers to avoid scandal for the church.
When I was part of the church, and one of my youth leaders was convicted of child abuse at the school where he worked, but presumably not in Romania where he was also allegedly abusing orphans, the church tried to keep it silent in the parishes and disconnect him from the church.
But I didn't know about the church being corrupt and dishonest, I was naive. So I expressed my horror at the man who had led our youth group doing such terrible things.
I was damned and told that God would judge me the same as the abuser.
And to punish me further, the Korris rubbish whimpered about me being 'unforgiving' for speaking out on something that the church had tried to keep silent. That was purely a vindictive lie by Jane Fisher, by the way I haven't had a reply to my complaint about her yet.
But the church didn't publicly destroy Malcolm Eastlake, they let him feel forgiven and go on with a normal life.
While the church destroyed me for years, and for three of those years it was public destruction. And before that, it certainly wasn't secret as I was slandered round my communities and driven out. I can't live a normal life as a fugitive who is still attacked and put at risk over what the Bishop has done, and with no access to help because of the way I have been branded to the authorities.
Eastlake, the abuser, was told he 'was a good man really' and the 'church forgave him' but unfortunately the church are selective in who they condemn and forgive, and as yet I see no sign of 'forgiveness' for being a church abuse victim.
Destroying me publicly while I screamed and screamed for help wasn't forgiveness, it was condemnation and hatred and you didn't inflict it on Malcolm Eastlake, so why did you inflict it on me?
When the Bishop steps forward to show integrity and explain why he has done this to me on top of everything I have survived, would he like to explain why the church have treated me worse than a man who gets sexual gratification from children? Those children will be affected by the abuse for life, as I am.
The Bishop and Archbishop, with all their grandeuer and falsehoods to the press and media, appear to have no respect for God or a vulnerable human life.
The Church needs to be regulated so that lawless crooks such as Dakin, Wilmott and Welby would face immediate and proper police action for the kind of abuse that they have inflicted on me, and instant dismissal. They are not ordained by God, they are chosen by 10 Downing Street and the Queen, and nothing in what they are or do, represents Jesus or His teachings, it is a terrible sham, that in this day and age shouldn't continue at the expense of the vulnerable.
Please remind the Bishop that he is still abusing me by leaving me suffering and not taking responsibility for his destruction of me for and with the Jersey Deanery and the lack of investigation into what happened to me in Jersey, his silence doesn't make his liability go away, it simply increases his horrific negligence which is killing a vulnerable adult in suffering beyond bearing or healing.
JJ
Dear Charities Commission,
I would like to proceed with my formal complaint against Macsas. Please could I have the forms. I fit the category of a vulnerable client and former client of this charity who is speaking up about their misconduct. If I don't speak up, they may kill other vulnerable people, if they haven't already. Other survivors have shared their concerns about macsas with me.
I have had contact with Macsas, the 'clergy abuse charity' for just under a decade, and they have never behaved well or professionally, and have acted at all times in favour of, for and on behalf of the church of england, my abusers. Which is hardly surprising as one of the leaders of Macsas is also a church of england employee, and my experience is that macsas are akin to a branch of the church, and certainly in their siding with the church at all times and facilitating slander of me in the church times, this would appear to be the case.
The most recent incident involved a drunk male member of macsas alone with me, trying ignorantly to push the church of england's slander of me onto me, trying to uphold the church in their destruction of me as an abuse victim to cover their backs, and when I said what about my side of things, he said he 'had tried to read it but it was rambling and incoherent'.
Two points to make there, why if he didn't understand my story, did he continue to uphold the church's? Are they autistic and profoundly traumatized and psychologically damaged? No, so why does their story get macsas's priority, to the point where macsas nearly killed me by facilitating slander of me in the press? Why didn't this man and his colleagues, knowing of my disability, make the effort to clarify my case? After all, they kept involving themselves?
Why would anyone, try to force on an abuse victim, their abusers' side of things like that drunk macsas man did? Why would a charity for abuse victims behave like this? As if the victim was a fake and had no side to things?
Charities commission, this link below is a rather angry but perfectly relevant description done after Macsas facilitated the church times, who had already slandered and defamed me for two years for the church, in continuing to harm me in the incident that nearly caused my suicide. This letter is from two years ago, and sadly under Macsas's biased eye, the harm to me has continued unchecked. They claim to care about mandatory reporting but have allowed a victim to be publicly destroyed on the abuser's word that the victim is mad and bad, would they survive being publicly destroyed if they were vulnerable and broken and abused?
At the end of this email I also attach a letter to the macsas man who destroyed me when he was drunk, there is extensive reference to Frank Beck, because the macsas man decided to squash up to me in the pub, where he and his friends were drinking and I wasn't, and talk about Frank Beck, triggering dangerous flashbacks for me.
Macsas have yet to answer this letter and to answer my complaint, they have tried to set their solicitor on me, indicating that they have done wrong and know they have done wrong.
The damage to me by the church is horrific, the church spent a million pounds whitewashing my case, and macsas have upheld the whitewash at all times, even eagerly contacting me in 2013, forgetting to apologize for their horrific damage to me previously, in their eagerness to uphold what was essentially a church-centred, church-completed, whitewash of my case.
When macsas eagerly contacted me to thrust that horrific public attack of a 'report' onto me, they didn't appear to realize that a church version of events, carried out by a church member, without my side of things, and thrust into the press and media to trigger hate attacks, was not a report, it was an attack, and macsas supported this attack to me.
They failed, when contacting me to support the attack, to even consider the impact on me, and they also failed to apologize for breaking the law in 2011, by enabling my abusers to have my location and slander me out of all homeless services and outreach when I was homeless because of the church and macsas had refused to help me to restrain the church who were still harming me to cover up for their actions which had made me homeless.
As I write this, I recall the drunk macsas man telling me he 'glanced' at my emails about the church.
For four years the church of england have destroyed me publicly since the launch of that whitewash 'report' that destroyed me to cover up for the now removed rogue safeguarding official in the church of england who destroyed me to cover up for abuse of me, to protect the church's image.
I have emailed macsas many times about the situation, but they have only ever involved themselves in my case on behalf of other people, mainly the church of england, and have ignored anything I say.
Macsas really are not a charity for abuse victims, they are a branch of the church of england, a branch linked through one of their key members being a church employee, and his job, presumably, for the church and macsas, is to protect the church, warn them of victim's intentions and distress, and make sure no justice is ever realized.
That being the case, that has been extremely effective in my case.
So while Macsas have persistently been involved on behalf of the church, and harmed me, anything I say is 'glanced at' or treated as rambling and incoherent, as the drunk macsas man said as he rubbished me alone in that car park.
Is this letter rambling and incoherent? I am autistic and have survived, but barely, a childhood of severe abuse, an adulthood of being abused and destroyed to cover up in the church of england, and most recently a four year public smear campaign by the church that involved a million pounds of whitewash reports, lawyers, PR firms and press and media, all of that was the church's, I was alone and voiceless throughout.
My writing, on my blogs and in books, is only as rambling and incoherent as this letter, the reality is that macsas were geared towards protecting the church, believing the church, not least because they didn't want to be responsible for their own atrocious failings, and so the man from macsas and his colleagues simply 'glanced' at my emails, and did nothing as I was destroyed.
Macsas, having involved themselves right at the beginning of the recent three year smear campaign and million pound whitewash, contacting me unsolicited with no apology for previous behaviour, to thrust the church's lying defamatory report that was made public in the press and media, then went back to ignoring me, no reason given, 'glancing' at my cries for help, and facilitating lies and attacks on me, such as that in the church times, the ignorance and danger of a man who claims he cannot see the victim's side 'because she is rambling and repetitive' is horrendous. The charity are obliged and should anyway, have some understanding of disabilities and vulnerability, and should never make comments like that, especially not after repeating her abuser's side back to her.
What Macsas have done, culminating in leaving me having a breakdown at the beginning of October as the drunk macsas man upheld the lies about me, blatant lies, ignorantly and stating them as if they were truth, without my side, is they have aided abusers in harming their victim.
The drunk man followed that up by rubbishing my side of things, now is this brief paragraph rambing and repetititve? Or do Macsas need some training and education regarding abuse and vulnerability and how abusers behave? From everything they have done to me, leaving me at the mercy of my abusers 'because I was homeless', enabling my abusers to trace me while I was homeless, driving me from homeless services with slander, bursting back into my life without apology to uphold the church's public smear attack on me, refusing my cries for help and facilitating attacks on me in the press such as the church times, with no objection to the attacks, especially the one that nearly caused my suicide, and then more recently rubbishing me on lies of my abusers and rubbishing my side of things, the drunk macsas man alone with me, destroying me over again and leaving me in collapse.
Is that a good charity for abuse victims? No. It is one that has, throughout, aided abusers and helped them to destroy a victim.
I wake up from nightmares and in distress at the way macsas has treated me, and they have tried to set their inter-conflicted macsas-member solicitor on me rather than deal with my complaint, and as yet their solicitor's law firm also hasn't commented on this new abuse of power.
No matter what happens, a report will be produced and published that includes Macsas harming me. That is a very succinct and not at all rambling statement. But I would like the charities commission to deal with macsas first. The harm to me by the church has been bad enough, Macsas actively harming me, to the point of slandering me to my family and aiding my abusers in destroying me, is not something to be left any longer, even if they do think they can do as they please and hide behind badly behaved barristers and solicitors. No organization is above the law in the country, apart from the church of england, who truly are.
Macsas should not have facilitated the lawless church in harming me, the church were very capable of extensive damage on their own, and if you think about how macsas have blindly believed the church in my case, think about the hate attacks I have suffered and do suffer, as a result of the church's open vilification of me, it leaves me as a destitute fugitive, who at any time can be forced to flee, can't earn a living, can't claim benefits, can't have therapy or support, because their is no safety or permanence because of the church. I slept rough for years not just because of trauma, but to keep myself safe as macsas eagerly helped the church to continue to trace and destroy me.
When I went to Canterbury it was a leap of faith and hope, to hope to be part of, and support, change and justice for church abuse victims, I didn't know that a badly behaved macsas man would be there to drunkenly tell me that my life story was one of the worst abuse cases he had ever heard, before he destroyed me for the church of england and left me having a breakdown. If I had known that macsas would be at canterbury for the abuse protest, I would have known that the protest was a complete sham. Macsas would be there on behalf of the church, no other reason.
Macsas need to be regulated, they are very aimless, lawless, and dangerous, especially to church of england abuse victims as they are basically an undeclared and harmful branch of the church.
I will never recover from my recent experience at Canterbury, being destroyed when I couldn't take any more ham.
This is the letter I enclosed to the macsas man, macsas and the church who they work for, are silent about Bob's account of my case, because they can't rubbish him as 'rambling and incoherent' when they attack me in the church times or drunkenly in a car park:
The other letter the macsas man was given after his attack on me was my psychological report, also attached.
I have attached the hill report as well, but it is heavy reading. A bit beyond Macsas' limited capabilities. Macsas can get about as far as reading the lines that the church of england send them 'This is what happened, please parrot this for us'.
It is time for Macsas to go, I spent last night in nightmares over their harm to me, and woke this morning in severe distress.
Macsas, this will be posted on my blog, you may rate it for rambling, incoherence, and any other criticisms of it not meeting your needs as a special cover-up branch of the church of england. I do not know how many other victims have been put off standing up for themselves against you and your employers, the church of england, but what I do know is that people who have not been drunk like your member at Canterbury, have told me that my work helps and inspires them and encourages them to speak out.
I may never recover from your harm, but I know that I have and can go on overriding your attacks, because it is what the people who have given feedback on my blog says that matters, not your hatred and contempt on behalf of your employers, the church of england.
JJ - victim of the church of england and their macsas
