St. Clements - poetry

This is about my Memory of Jersey, and how things are now:

It's a static dream
I am there at St. Clements bay
the wind howls, bitter and freezing
and my heart and soul freeze

I have been here forever,
it invades my dreams
cold and silent
the frozen bay in winter

sometimes you are there with me
and I try to reach you and tell you
that I miss you and I don't understand
and don't know what happened


but the snow and blizzard get in the way
and my voice goes unheard
and the bay is frozen, frozen sand and water
and my frozen heart and soul on the bay

I guess the thaw will never come
and we will stand there frozen in time
in my dreams forever
when my heart and soul died there

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUK8aiRq_Iw



And the Answer, 'The Great Ship Bay:

It is always warm here, always summer,
on the Great Ship Bay
I sit on the wall and watch the tide and ships
often my friends are here and they say hi

We walk in the tide and swim
and the Great Hill rises, more sheer than noirmont
dark and green to meet the clear blue sky
and sweep dark and brooding to the sea

we are here now, and past and future are no matter
this is our home
this is all we want
this endless summer and our sea and hills

we don't need the gripping sadness and fear
that the Great Grim Church continues to send
just as they did on the frozen bay all those years ago
when I was alone and broken, that was then, this is now

let it be summer now, in the end,
and let the frozen bay be a distant dream
we laugh and play at the water's edge and I know
that this is all I want forever

you see, I went through the darkness and anguish
I walked the empty streets and ate from bins
and came out into the glorious sunlight
and came home.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt9tWQ-BwxE

There's something wrong...

There's something very diocese with the wrong

They got it the wrong way round

 They let the abusers and wrongdoers off

And drove a survivor into the ground

There's something wrong with the Diocese

They didn't hear my plea

I asked to be left alone

so they ordered the NSPCC

There's something wrong with Dakin

Luther pendragon did the wrong script

So the islands have floated to Dover

And he's drowning in his crypt



(etc until you get bored)

Bad poem time :)

Standing in Judgement:

Do I think I am innocent
no, my sin is anger

rage against tormentors
real or assumed

Do I think I can do as I please?
no, never, anger is a sudden storm

anger strike suddenly, trauma
feelings boil over, flashbacks

I am injured
can't you see the anger as blood from a wound?

I am not an abuser
I am not a user

I am a repentant sinner
waiting for the Church to forgive me

as God already has
or so Father tells me 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ6QaZcPphM

 

waiting for the Diocese to hurt me again

This is from my poetry (haha) blog on one of my other blog boards:

Waiting:

the days are full of fear
and the nights full of tension

awaiting news 
I don't want to hear

it feels like I can't breathe
stuck in limbo

can't move
nothing I can say or do

waiting for the final blow
unheard and waiting