An email to Jane Fisher

Email to Jane Fisher, posted on my blog:

Dear Jane Fisher,

I have had a very difficult day, with flashbacks to traumas associated with you.

As you may have noticed, this was posted on my blog recently, from a historic email that you sent to me:

I know the Dean does not disbelieve what you have said. Nor does he side with **** The Dean is in a difficult position in that he too has to work within the procedures that govern the church. The Dean hasn't sided with ****  or against you. He has to make sure that he is neutral so he can make any decisions or recommend any action without being biased. If that has seemed to you to be taking ****'s side against you I am sorry - and that really isn't the case.

I have to ask then, why exactly did the Diocese suspend and then clear the Dean? If you considered him to be neutral?

If you did not consider the Dean seeing the abuser first and later in conversations with you and Martyn, rubbishing my complaint to be biased, then why, in March last year, did you publicly launch on him and me and wreck my life again?

It remains a mystery.

As you may have realised, I currently live indoors, but am unlikely to be able to keep living indoors.

This is because:

• I have daily flashbacks to what you have done to harm me, and it makes life very hard 
• Because of the record that you got me, I cannot work, be a useful part of society or belong anywhere properly
• I am purposeless and without any hope of quality of life or usefulness in society, living on the streets gave me the purpose of survival and the joy of freedom and my companions on the road
• I am now isolated, directionless, suffering the full horror of what you have done to harm me, in poverty and barely able to keep myself fed and pay the rent
• There is simply nothing here, this is not Jersey, where I had work, education and community roles, and those things cannot be brought back after three years of homelessness, police brutality and a record that I will never learn to live with, and which will leave me vulnerable to police and medical misenterpretation for the rest of my life
• Last year, before you launched on me and wrecked my life, I was building towards being able to do some form of work, as I will not be allowed to remain on ESA forever, sadly, your onslaught, and I say yours because there is no doubt that this mess originates from you, has left me broken and useless, and facing the transfer to JSA and the hell of hunting for jobs and not getting any because what employer in their right mind would take someone disabled, just off the streets, severely disturbed and with the record you have given me? I am not fit for work, nor will I be able to subsist on JSA and keep a roof over my head. Had you and your diocese not launched on me, I think I would have been able to go self-employed, maybe as a cleaner or something, because my body is too damaged to return to my trade as a gardener. The other problem with JSA is that I would lose my benefits every week through sanctions as I cannot use a phone properly.

What you did to me in getting me a police record because you didn't deal with my complaint, was not justice, because you didn't also face trial for your wrongs and were dishonest about me to police, courts and others, and it was not punishment, I mean, what 'safeguarding director' would punish a destroyed abuse survivor for her reaction to the 'safeguarding director's refusal to deal with a complaint?

You ruined me, and you ruined me to cover your and the Bishop's wrongs, you upheld Bob Key in his action against me and let him lie to a court of (sic) law, 

The extract of your email above is a part of the bigger reason I went mad, you constantly denied my complaint and protected the wrongdoers and villified me in the church, I knew what had happened to me, and you cannot tell someone with autism that what happened to them did not.

I remember, and it is all conveniently totally missed out of the Korris report, how you refused to engage with my complaint that the Dean had called me wicked and said I wasn't abused, you, and Tracy who you liased with, and Lou scott-Joynt, tried to excuse it for being about me turning up at the Deanery, no excuse at all, and Bob Key lied to the police and court that I turned up swearing and shouting, when I did not, I went to the Deanery when Lou Scott-Joynt said 'Oh, what has Bob done?' as if he had done nothing wrong in the first place, just as your email above implies.

So many lies and misconducts from church employees, and not one has faced justice, while I have faced utter ruin. You are responsible for this and for taking responsibility for what you have done, so until you stop and reverse the harm to me and take responsibility for yourself, you should not be in the position that you are in.

The thing with all these investigations is, they are not real because they have protected you and not taken my evidence, I have much more than the email above, but no-one has asked to see them, because from the Korris report onwards it was not about me or any vulnerable person, it was about back-covering, self-glorification by the church, and constitutional issues in Jersey, otherwise a proper account of you provoking me would have been included, and you would have been suspended and investigated instead of allowing to influence the investigation and encourage Bishop Dakin to treat me like dirt.

You consistently denied and refused to acknowledge my complaints, you made me out to be paranoid.

But if Bob key was doing everything right and was neutral, why exactly did you publicly launch on him?

And, if the Jersey Deanery's side of things, that Bob Key met the abuser first and then me because I was harassing the abuser, then why did you allow Bob key to continue to be involved if he had taken their case? Because that is a conflict of interests that not even you can justify.

You tried to get me to meet with Key again in that same email of which the extract above is from, why? in light of  you accusing him of not following procedure last year, why did you want me to meet with him then, by which time you knew that he wasn't following correct procedure and had rubbished my complaint in communication with you and Martyn, and yet, just as you did and continued to do throughout my time in Jersey, you rubbished me.

And this has ended up with me on death row, no quality of life, in fear of you and the Diocese again and being forced on by you and the Diocese again, while being villified by the Jersey Deanery, basically no change from 2008-2011, except that you cannot dub me as mad any more, you are being watched by many people because of the almighty public mess, you have left me truly ruined and a lot weaker in mind and body than before, and I am pretty much on death row, nothing to live for and waiting for more unbalanced back-covering reports that will further ruin me.

And no doubt you can explain it all away, on earth, yes, but God will not forgive you when you say your lines, and when you get to heaven you will be the one one facing court with no voice, as God sentences you for taking me life, because you have. You are just lucky you will never be thrown to the ground by the police and dragged by the scruff of your neck, exposing you and choking you, God has no need for the senseless brutality that you have had inflicted on me.