Friday, 20 June 2014

St Helier 2008 continued

It was a time when my life was falling apart. Being daughter/not daughter, to the churchwarden and his wife, had broken my heart, and episodes of virus-like illness had upset my life since November 2007, these were probably caused by the whole very wrong situation with the churchwarden, but the doctors in Jersey though viruses could be cured by antibiotics! :(
I have never thought about, or relived, this part of my life up until now, as it was awful.

  • I remember while I was in my bedsit in St. helier, the churchwarden and his wife wanted me to go to Sunday lunch with them, for some reason I had endured a service at St. Andrews with them that week, this was after I had spoken about the abuse for the first time, to the Vicar and churchwarden etc, I think, I did not want Sunday lunch with them, I had other things to do, but reminiscent of the Lihous deciding when and where I would be with them, the churchwarden couple had decided I would have lunch with them, and kept on about it, I gave the churchwarden a lift home from church, which was one of the arrangements we had about my car, he was insured to drive my car and I was available to give him lifts to places. But anyway, by the time we got home, he was still on at me to come in for lunch, and my other plans continued to be discounted, and I said a firm no, and again said I had other plans, so I dropped him off and drove away, I was beginning to disentangle myself from them.

  • I remember going to St. Paul's Church, the Archbishop of Canterbury was giving a talk on 'Is there a future for the Church of England?' or similar (I hope there isn't), anyway, the churchwarden came in, he didn't normally go to anything at St. Pauls, but he came in, and people either greeted him or tried to avoid him. He took my hand and got me to sit with him. Everyone saw that, so I sat with him, he wanted me to, his wife wasn't there, but I was knocked out by the antidepressant medicine, and so I slept through most of the talk..
  • My real Dad had a major stroke, and I was not sure what to do, I was in contact with some of my family but remained afraid of being sucked back into the cult environment, I had been back sometimes and was concerned that the conversations remained culty and extreme even though the family was more liberal now that most of the children had grown up and gone away to do their own thing. I often chatted to my siblings online but was shy of my parents.
  • I spoke at length to JM who was still my close friend at the time, she told me to do what I felt was best and that this might be my last chance to see my dad, and so I booked to fly to the UK to see my Dad, who remained unconscious in hospital.

  • Being already very traumatized and confused by the situation with the churchwarden couple, this was yet another trauma, and being on knockout drugs didn't help.

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