England September -November 2008 the emergency break from Jersey

• One thing to point out at this point is that the social worker was only involved in the abuse case, she was not 'my social worker', I continued to live my own life.
• Back to the story, I made my way to England with my car, I went on the clipper overnight to Portsmouth and I felt very lost and alone, but I felt sure I would return to Jersey, somehow, the only problem being that I had no home to come back to in Jersey and would have to, somehow, find another room before I returned, Philip LeClaire said he would help, and it turned out that he did.
• This was almost 2 years before I was deported.
• I do not believe that the Korris rubbish ever mentioned this emergency break from Jersey.

• I arrived in England shell-shocked and bewildered, very very very damaged by what had happened with my adoptive parents, and I tried to settle in the house I was lodging in, I had warned them all along that I would have to return to Jersey and this was temporary and I would have to leave and they said they were ok with this. I had to return to Jersey to make statements to the police among other things.
• But life was not the same even back in England, there was no temp work because all the agencies were overwhelmed by people who needed jobs and second jobs and it was soul destroying and fruitless trying to find work, I did not have the communication skills, I no longer had the confidence in myself and I was a broken person. Work was not forthcoming and neither were benefits, applying for benefits led to nothing and I was without any income.

• But the worst thing was that my friends at the time, who I thought would be my friends forever were aware that things were wrong and didn't know what to do. I needed them but I couldn't relate to them because I was so hurt and it was all a mess. But the worst thing was that JM and FM who had hurt me and abused me themselves were in contact with and in alliance with the adoptive parents and their supporting clergy in Jersey and JM treated me like dirt and this nearly led to me committing suicide.

• I kept myself alive, but you cannot imagine the distress. I also managed to get myself a job at Domino's Pizza, delivery driving, which is what I used which is what I used to do, but I was deeply deeply traumatized and distressed and I spent every night of my delivery driving reliving the horror and hating myself for reacting to the abuse. I was barely making ends meet with the delivery driving but I did manage to pay the first month's rent on the lodgings even if I wasn't eating well.

• One night I was out working when a woman reversed her brother's company car into my car when I was doing a delivery, she tried to blame me for parking where I was parked even though I was parked legally and legitimately and she had simply reversed without looking in her mirrors or behind her.
• My car was dented and I was shocked. But my bosses didn't let me stop work, instead I was sent to that same road where the incident had happened, miles from the shop, three times over to do deliveries because someone else on the team kept messing up. I was a wreck at the end of the night.

• I decided I needed to go back to Jersey, and the police were waiting to question me about my adoptive dad.
• I told the couple that I was lodging with that I had to go back, they were upset and said they had expected me to stay longer and told me I was the perfect tenant (which was nice of them), I reminded them that I had said it was temporary and they said they had expected it to be less temporary, they told me I was the perfect lodger and would I change my mind? 
• My sister was also upset at me, but she said she would pay the rent for the month and I could owe her the money, as I was short of money and had to pay the whole expensive month's rent even though I was leaving two weeks into the month.
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• There were no easy ways of doing things. It was all stressful and upsetting.
• The police interviews started before I went back to live in Jersey, I arranged to view a room and go to an interview in Jersey on the same day
• The interview was incredibly painful in that I had to recall everything, and knew it was real, my adoptive dad had made me into his little girl and behaved crudely and sexually. It broke my heart again that my 'Daddy' who I had trusted, my family who I had looked a lifetime for and who had said they were that God-given family had hurt me so much.
• The interview was done in a house with cameras, it was done in a way that people with special needs are interviewed by the police, and I remembered that I hadn't really felt that I was special needs before my adoptive parents had been so blatant and hurtful about my disability.
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• But then I went with the autism man to meet the prospective new landlord, and it turned out that the prospective landlord was an old army colleague of the autism man and so the whole process was easy and I accepted the room and made arrangements to move in, returning to England to collect my things with mixed feelings, joy at returning to Jersey and dread of being on the island with the church and the former adoptive parents being as they were, still broken and confused and in pain.
• but I had to go back, I was suffering waiting to make police statements while in this strange bewildering situation where I no longer belonged in Hampshire with my old friends, it felt like I was in a strange limbo, not belonging anywhere, not Hampshire and not Jersey. I needed to end the limbo as it was almost as bad as being in Jersey being jeered by my abuser who was well backed up both by the island churches and by JM.