I guess now that I have busted the miffs about what happened before I came to Jersey.
I had better start on Jersey stuff.
This is tricky, because trauma still wipes out my memory of Jersey, and there are so many documents and emails that it is difficult to know where to start.
I guess I had better start with a statement I just found while looking through files.
It appears to be a reaction to the Korris report, answering some of the inaccuracies:
EY and the church:
Sometimes people came into the room when Ey was hugging me alone but nothing was done, he was not discouraged.
One time I was a bit embarrassed because EY was hugging me deeply alone in the store room downstairs from the church hall and a lady came in, she looked at us funny but said nothing.
Nothing was said to me by anyone in church but EY told me that people 'were talking' about him and me, which prompted me to go and see the Vicar, and EY later told me that he had spoken to the Vicar and told him there was nothing to worry about.
The church were aware of things like EY taking me sailing and EY taking me from church to an empty Romerils warehouse after church. (EY worked for Romerils). He told me he had been warned at work for his tactility. EY was making something at the warehouse. He spoke to me in an inappropriate way while we were sailing, inappropriate as in sexually. And at the warehouse he got me to talk about being sexually abused in the past.
No-one in church ever intervened in Ey hugging me, and he would reach out for me and take my hand while in conversation with me.
**** **** told me that it came up in investigation into Ey's behaviour with me that EY had been wrongly involved with another female, who was in England.
'Moving from church to church:
With finding a church, the reason I moved church was to get away from Jane Fisher and the Dean and/or other people because they caused me to be unwelcome, Jane Fisher probably tries to make out that the grapevine was not working against me, but it was, and **** ***** recounted to me how I was branded and I was humiliated. every time my church was influenced, I could not be part of the congregation and in the end it was blatantly Jane Fisher and the Bishop who drove me from St. Clements and Tracy and interfered at St. ********, and by the time I was at there, I had already lost my life in that three weeks when I fled to England to escape Jane Fisher and Tracy's attempt to have me sectioned -which is omitted from the Korris report. I was already ruined by the time I arrived at St. ******** church.
I say again, I was not clear on what Jane Fisher wanted, or was doing, she was rude and unhelpful, vague and making things out to be different to how they were. I did not understand her or what she was doing, I was not made clear that my complaint had been taken seriously at ANY POINT, and if I had been then I might have been less angry and not tried to make the Dean see that he had done wrong. The whole situation might have been better if the Bishop had withdrawn Jane Fisher from contact with me as I asked repeatedly for years and got someone helpful and clear to help me. I did not understand Jane Fisher, and I said so, she is barely literate and uses a spellchecker that turns her words American and she doesn't even make sense in what she says and writes and she can be very nasty and apparently get away with it.
As far as I know, I did not involve anyone who was 'innocent' in my emails, I sent emails cc people who had rejected me or been involved, withdrawn pastoral care and help with no notice and no reason and people who were obviously involved in the matter or had treated me unfairly due to what they had heard. I felt condemned by these people and I wanted my side heard. I also sent the complaints to other people on the Diocese list because I was not being heard, getting no response from the Bishop and I would not deal with Jane Fisher and her coldness and denials. I blocked her in the spring of 2009 and only unblocked her in 2010 because Tracy wanted me to communicate with her.
In the end the fact that I could not get away from Jane Fisher and the Dean was causing me severe distress, I wanted to worship where I would not be slandered and where people would not warn against me behind my back. The Dean was blatantly allowed to know where I worshipped and Jane Fisher said so in an email of hers that I have.
Abuse of good nature?
The Korris report seems to be based on what Jane Fisher has on record, and omits my side of what happened with George and Jill Lihou and the M's, Jane Fisher never asked for my side and was not interested. I did briefly try to describe it all, immediately after Bob Key called me wicked and used the Lihous and the M's as an example, again without my side of things having been known to him but briefly and to the Bishop and Jane Fisher who did not care about my side and do not seem to have recorded it for the Korris report.
The fact is and was that the Lihous and M's had their own problems and own histories of problems, their involvement with me was not healthy, but I feel very much scapegoated by the use of them against me and Jane Fisher appears not to have taken my side of things on board. They are not villified as I have been either, again reinforcing the continued brand by the Diocese of Winchester that I am worse than an abuser.
Comments about me abusing hospitality or good nature or something? Again, this is the Lihous and M's or the hypochondriac couple, and I should not have been judged on this while my side was not heard or reported on. The M's have not been shamed and slandered in the press recentlyfor what they did to F's daughter and then to me, so why am I being shamed? The Lihous are not being shamed for Jill's mental illness that meant she wanted her daughter to die or be injured for years and for claiming she was my carer and having me put on a medicine that caused me to be admitted to hospital, so why am I shamed for reacting to them? Jan Korris considers the whole matter to be me 'abusing people's good nature' and has not interviewed me and included my views. She has acted on Jane Fisher's behalf instead.
What makes me very angry is that Jane Fisher has been excused her slander of me and interference in my life when I returned to the mainland by making out it was about 'making the clergy in Winchester aware of me so that safe boundaries were set' and something about ensuring that nothing more than spiritual support was offered'.
Rubbish, what a terrible cover-up for a terrible terrible inflicting of damage by Fisher and Wolvlsey on top of what I had suffered in Jersey!
Basically what happened was that Jane Fisher did not give me a second chance and a chance to rebuild my life, she had given me a bad name in Winchester, behind my back, I was not told that everyone had been 'warned' about me. But I was shouted at by a vicar and I overheard myself being talked about in a terrible way by people in one church, they were not aware that I had been abused, not aware of my side of things and not even aware that I was autistic, they made me out to be trouble, to be someone who just swore and shouted. The woman in question was not a priest, she was an assistant in a church that I tried to belong to, and one of the priests, who had previously been friendly when I lived in Winchester, refused to speak to me or even look at me. Nor was this slander that covered the Bishop and Diocese's backs limited to the Anglican church in Winchester, it went through every church, just as it did in Jersey.
I was condemned, I had not escaped from Jane Fisher. And I pleaded with the diocese to bring justice and to stop interfering.
Jane Fisher also completely violated me with contact with the homeless services, instead of me being able to be me and be someone who was suffering because of what had happened. I was someone who had been bad, and I was refused access to a women's refuge in a very humiliating way as a result, and that was just one of many humiliations. That Jan Korris excuses and omits, so that it looks like it was all innocent and with good intentions.
The Korris report is not just defamatory but shields a very very dangerous safeguarding official who has the power unsupervised, so drive a vulnerable person to their death rather than see wrongdoers openly seen for what they are.
The homeless shelter manager was unhelpful when I told her I was frightened because of the noise and intimidation in the shelter, she had heard about me, so I wasn't allowed to be me and be frightened and hurt. I was bad.
The support worker linked to the nightshelter who initially was helping me confirmed to me that the Diocese had contacted the nightshelter, I was furious and violated, but she tried to make it ok by telling me that they wanted to know what church I was at so they could 'help' me, so far the diocese's 'help' had damaged me beyond repair and left me driven out of churches. The support worker appears to have been warned off helping me once she had told me and I made the homeless services aware that I knew, and she would hurry in the opposite direction when she saw me, despite me having not said or done anything bad or abusive to her.
I was left ashamed and violated and unable to be part of the community in Winchester as I had been in previous years. I even used another name to try and be safe but it didn't work in Winchester because people knew me and I knew them. Winchester was my home town from age 17.
I was left with only the addicts and alcoholics for company as they had no care for what the church had to say, but I wondered why the church didn't slander and shame them, why I was slandered and shamed and left unable to hold my head up, while the Diocese claimed this was helping me when I had been so hurt by the church.
I was driven from the daycentre, having left the nightshelter early on, The daycentre tried to threaten and force me back into the nightshelter, as they were in close contact, and I went mad with distress and they failed to force me back but I never trusted them again. and the Diocese continued to involve themselves against me through these authorities, so I had the 'criminal record' thrown back in my face all the time and was not allowed to be me or be good.
Trying to escape the Diocese.
I tried to get away from the diocese by going further afield in Hampshire and failed, and as I was being forced out of Winchester by the intervention of the Diocese which meant I felt unable to access any services or any churches, and the diocese had made contact with all my dear old friends and violated me and left me shamed in front of my friends, I started moving round the country to get away and fled Winchester altogether.
Jane Fisher did not at any time have my permission to be involved in my case with the homeless services and the data protection act has been breached many times in this matter.
The Diocese may claim to have been trying to help by giving their side of things to churches and homeless services but in fact what they did was drive me from housing services and support services that I was trying to co--operate with, prevent me from being part of a church and shamed me to the churches and basically were as unchristian as possible in giving their opinion, which left me shamed and isolated and eventually as a long-term rough sleeper, unable to feel safe in a church or engage with anyone who tried to help me.
As a result of a set-up situation in Winchester, where a woman who was friends with the Bishop and his wife and Jane Fisher did not tell me she was friends with them but invited me to live at herhouse and was in contact about me, I have since felt unable to trust anyone who reaches out to me.
The woman took me home, seemingly innocently and unknowing of who I was, invited me to stay, left me alone with £70 for the washing machine repair man the day after she invited me to stay (I guessed she knew from somewhere that I was honest with money) - which aroused my suspicion, as did the phonecalls that she cut off when I came into the room.
But never told me she was connected to Jane Fisher and the Bishop until something that Lou scott-Joynt said to me made me realise and I confronted this woman on Christmas eve. Not aggressively.
The woman went on about how she would always be friends with the Bishop and I wouldn't change that, I said that I wanted the Bishop and Jane Fisher to stop interfering and making me out to be mentally ill and because I was very upset, this woman replied that I was making it look like they were right.
She said that Jane Fisher had said I would react like this.
I was furious, because from the start, Jane Fisher had gone behind my back, never had I actually been included in the picture of me that was painted to people, and if I had actually been included in any of the arrangements about me, instead of me being effectively slandered to the churches and people, then things may well have been more successful. But it wasn't about me, it was about protecting the diocese.
I think anyone would be angry to find out that they had been arranged behind their back by the people who destroyed them, set up, and I was being told by this woman that I was acting as if I was mentally ill when I reacted.
I decided to leave the house, and this woman tried forcibly to stop me by trapping me in the bedroom that she had allocated to me, (she had told me that I would move to an attic room after Christmas). she told me that I was the one who was causing the problem - this is despite the fact that I had been misled by her because I had not been made aware that she was acting for Jane Fisher and the Bishop and influenced by them (which would probably be denied).
And I was physically having to fight to get away from her.
I had a lot of luggage. Which included presents from friends and goodies I had got to share with the rough sleepers on Christmas day and presents I had got for this woman. I had to leave a lot of that behind. And it was later apparently taken to the homeless daycentre which I no longer attended, taken by Jane Fisher, and an attempt was made by her and the staff there to contact me through a homeless friend, and I abandoned that friendship in distress and disgust at the violation.
Anyway, I escaped from this woman, who was trying to stop me, and I ran up the road with no shoes on, and the ground was covered in ice and snow, I was screaming with distress. I phoned Jane Fisher and the Bishop and begged and begged to be left alone. Jane Fisher later used these phonecalls against me in court in Sussex in 2011, claiming I repeatedly phoned her on Christmas eve and Christmas day, but she apparently ommitted the reason that I did this as it was not read out in court.
I was desparate to get away from the Diocese and to stop them interfering.
It is omitted from the Korris report how Fisher and Scott-Joynt liased and attempted to have me put away in Sussex as a result of me continuing to fight them to undo the injustice and bad name they gave me and deal with my complaint.
Returning from Jersey to Winchester to a continued nightmare.
I came back to Winchester in October 2010 unaware that I was already given a bad name in Winchester and unaware that I would not be able to join a church and be a proper part of the congregation and receive pastoral care for the wounds I had from Jersey, unaware that I would not be able to make friends and naturally build relationships, unaware that I was to lose my long-term friends and in a repeat of what happened in Jersey, be shamed in the community so that I couldn't hold my head up.
While my abusers were never subjected to such appalling and demoralizing treatment! And because they are not vulnerable, lone or disabled, the diocese couldn't treat them like that even if they wanted to, but the diocese focussed on ruining and maligning me, not my abusers.
And the effect of what happened meant I fled Winchester but was left unable to trust churches and church people and rebuffing help and getting distressed and suspicious when people managed to help me, leaving me fulfilling the Diocese's opinion of me.
But not completely.
People who slipped under the Diocesan radar and befriended me:
Among all the nightmare situation in Winchester, a couple approached and befriended me, and it is thanks to them I didn't commit suicide, they saved my life with their words and friendship and despite attempts at intervention by the Diocese and people connected to the Diocese, which included Lou Scott-Joynt trying to get me to give her this couple's surname and attempts by people in the homeless services to speak to this couple,but this couple were real Christians and I was able to keep this friendship, although I had to ask this couple to keep our continued friendship a secret, and in the years between 2011 and 2013 I was in contact with them in strict secrecy and they agreed not to discuss me or let anyone know that they were in contact with me. This is what kept that friendship, it was kept away from intervention and influence by the Diocese. And, as my former healthy friendships were, it has remained healthy because this couple are not using me to meet their own unmet needs, they have boundaries and need space and so do I, my problems occur when people get over-involved and have problems of their own - described in the Korris report as me abusing people's good nature or hospitality or something.
My friends who slipped under the radar in what the Diocese did that would have otherwise left me unable to develop relationships in any church in Winchester and not aware of why, the Diocese did all this behind my back and yet claimed to be helping me. I was an object to the Diocese, no feelings, no needs, just to be who and what they said I was in order to protect themselves, and the Bishop said to me during the time I was in Winchester that I was to blame for what happened , and I cannot think of anything further from safeguarding than that, them protecting themselves and blaming me. In fact I would have been extremely open to any predator in the Winchester Deanery as a result of being talked about, because it made me defenceless, I had a bad name and a bad record and would have had no-one to turn to if I had been abused.
( I have felt very vulnerable on the streets because I know if I am abused I cannot report it because of the way I have been treated by the Diocese and the police) basically anyone can rape me but I cannot report it.
This was highlighted by the police's attitude when I intercepted a call from Lou Scott-Joynt to one of my friends about me immediately after my arrival back in Winchester. I went to the police and begged the Diocese to be made to leave me alone, but to no avail and I was basically treated as if I was mad, and nothing was done as far as I know. Basically, even in this day and age, disabled and vulnerable people remain poweless against abuse in the church, we are 'mad' for repeatedly standing up and speaking, and those of us who cannot or dare not speak are basically there to be used in any way the powerful in the church want to use us.
Disabled and vulnerable people are also constantly treated very badly by the police, and since the Korris report came out, I have heard of hundreds of cases of police brutality and injustice, and the police are never called to account.
Taking my friends off me:
My friends who befriended me during this time back in Winchester (in February 2011), and who the Diocese did not manage to take off me, despite Lou Scott-Joynt asking me for their surname and despite certain people speaking to them about me, are prepared to make a statement about how they see me. They are aware of my temper when I am frightened and frustrated and can also confirm how I have asked them to keep our friendship secret in order to protect me and them from further intervention but they can give an account of the real me, who is not described very well in the Korris report, which seems to be based on Jane Fisher's records, and Jane Fisher was never a friend of mine. Fisher has gone out of her way to destroy, demoralise and defame me, all while pretending to care.
(A statement was made by my friend on my behalf last year).
The safeguarding that left me unable to get help:
What the Diocese did with their intervention in Winchester on my return from Jersey was get their side accross and leave me isolated and a permenant rough sleeper who was unable to trust anyone, especially the churches, where I should have felt safe, forgiven and included. They did not allow me another chance in my life after destroying me and I have struggled to trust and allow people to help me since then.
Right now I am expecting arrest at Jane Fisher's hands again, and am unable to access medical help or homeless outreach for fear of being traced. Even though all of this comes from the Korris report which covers Jane Fisher's back and which meant I have been traced and left yet again at the mercy of diocese and police, which is why I am writing this, because I am being driven mad by this crazy report and fear of church and police, I wasn't provoking them when they traced me, I was beaten, not fighting back any more.
The diocese may make my perception out to be distorted, but I know what I experienced and was on the receiving end of and they have a bias in order to make out that they were only doing the right thing.
Report and friends:
The report fails to mention my happy and succesful relationships that were long term and were only detroyed as a result of all that happened in the end in Jersey and the Diocese's intervention when I returned to the UK mainland. It just mentions me 'abusing people's good nature' and gives no details and none of my side of things. No allowance is made for the psychological side of why I didn't bond well with the people I am deemed to have abused, and no understanding is given of the politics of the church in a wealthy diocese and the attitude of the consistently well off people I encountered who did not understand me in poverty and disability.
Basically I feel damned as bad, left in danger, and that report seems to cover up for other people who hurt me, especially Jane Fisher.
Escape from the Diocese:
since escpaing from the Diocese of Winchester in 2011. I have been living in fear of their continued intervention which hurt me so much and changed my name to try and escape them, but I remained traumatized and unable to trust anyone or deal with conflict, so I continued to struggle and be vulnerable. I was a mess, I was a mess who was trying to stay away from homeless services and interventions that would cause me to be traced by the Diocese or the homeless services in Winchester or the police.
Being traced by the police recently was a huge shock and made me feel that I had spent two years in hiding in vain and was now going to be back under the Diocese's intervention and police attacks for reacting. I was horrified that the cycle of police and diocese intervention was going to start occuring again and rip my life apart, and as far as I know, it still might. The Diocse have refused to reassure me that they will not intervene in my life again and tried to make out I have requested for them to stop contacting me, not that I have requested for them to stop intervening.
Peadophile cover up in L:
The report mentions me being unforgiving about an 'organist' in my former parish being convicted of peadophilia. The whole account is innaccurate. The man convicted was a youth leader - of the youth group that I both belonged to and assisted with, he led the services that myself and other youth helped to run, he worked closely with us, and he was also on the mission support committee that I was part of. He had made me feel small about some of my ideas on the mission support team in the past, but he had also said things about his relationship with a vulnerable child before that caused me concern, but no-one else in church seemed worried about him. The incident where he worried me was when he talked about one of his frequent trips to Romania to the church and talked about how he was bathing a young girl, alone. No one else seemed to pick up on this but there were obvious concerns that he had committed misconduct there when it all came to light in the end.
The problem was, in the end, not my unforgiveness but my shock. And not just towards him. I was shocked because I didn't know at the time how the church of England hushes things up, and they tried to hush this up, and as well as seeming to be unaware that this man had previously been warned about inappropriate touching of children, and had continued letting him be involved, they were 'keeping it quiet' that he had been arrested.
But because I was friends with and in contact with a number of churchwardens and readers and people who held positions in the church, I heard and overheard and was told what had happened.
I was shocked and went to JM, who was my friend as well as being the Vicar in the Benefice even though she had hurt me and was hurting me. I went to her in shock because I had worked and worshipped alongside this man in the Benefice for so long. JM once again let me down with her attitude, she claimed I was unforgiving - this was immediately after I had heard the news and who does forgive a betrayal like this instantly?! JM told me that we were all judged by God and that I would be judged by God the same as this man because of my Asperger Syndrome, basically I interpreted that as that I was as bad as a peadophile who collects child pornography as this man did because I was disabled, I challenged JM on this but was left with no clarification nor did she withdraw this statement.
I was shocked, horrified and never actually able to get anyone to help me with this, it was a trauma. JM went on to say that the man's abused adopted son had forgiven him so who was I to hold a grudge?. She refused to acknowledge that actually I was horrified and traumatized that someone I had known and worked with in church and eaten meals with and helped at events with had done something to hurt children he had been trusted with, that he had not only done this to children in the school where he worked as a special needs teacher with children with learning difficulties, but according to my friend, he was possibly wanted on similar charges relating to the orphanage in Romania. But JM wanted me to be quiet about it, just as she had said to me about FM's (her husband's) misconduct to me and to FM's own daughter, she said it was my word (and the daughter's word) against FM, and she wanted both matters silenced and out of mind. The way the church hushed this up horrified me almost as much as the actual things that had happened.
JM always took the attitude that abuse victims are whingers and abusers are just victims themselves, which she did in this case.
This was an incident among many that caused tensions and problems between me and JM but I gather that this is where I am described as 'abusing her good nature' in the Korris report.
I did not object to the peadophile being re-integrated back into the church community, I expressed shock that I would not know how to relate to him but when I heard he was coming on the benefice walk I decided I would relate to him as normal as part of the group. However, this must have been where the diocese intervened and he did not come on the walk, nor was openly heard of again in the benefice, just my friends sometimes said they were going to see him and told me about some woodwork he was doing. His wife remained in the church community and close to some of my circle of friends who were also her friends, I related to her as normally as I could or did and felt very sad for her and as shy of her as I was previously and never mentioned her husband or what he had done.
Another thing that horrified me, and I wonder if you can see why, is that people in the benefice, friends of mine, though I broke off that relationship, wrote in support of this man saying he was a 'good man really', if someone abuses disabled and orphaned children while making out to be helping them, then they are not a 'good man really', abuse affects someone for the rest of their life, and it was the most vulnerable people who were abused, so that man is not a good man really. That is not to say that with time to get over the shock I did not forgive this man. But the account given totally misrepresents the situation and also leaves out the huge background situation of me and JM, which I gather is referred to as me abusing her good nature. The repeat of me going through some of what JM's stepdaughter went through is omitted completely. The stepdaughter was kept a secret from the community.
The Korris report wrongly portrays me being unforgiving of an organist who was convicted of peadophilia, what I have written above is a more accurate portrayal of that whole situation.
What has scarred me and damaged my faith in the church, which as a body that supposedly follows Christ, should have integrity and transparancy, and yet covered this matter up and condemned me for my shock and for knowing about this matter when I should not have done, as none of the main body of the congregation who did not hold positions in church were supposed to know and those who did hold positions were supposed to keep it quiet.
Very few people I have known in that extremely wealthy benefice and indeed in the very wealthy diocese of Winchester have experienced abuse, they are not vulnerable people, and I was usually in a minority in the churches, disabled, poor, no family, an easy target and no one was able to empathise with me because they did not know what it was like to be vulnerable in those ways. But Korris claims that it was me abusing their good nature. But she does that with no input from me about what I suffered at the hands of the church of england in my 10 dreadful years as a member.
Nor does she speak of the good side of my church relationships or the work I did for the church, it is a biased and unbalanced report.