An interview with Sir Phil

Good morning Sir Phil, now what do you make of the recent Ted Heath situation?

It was nothing to do with me, I have alibis, and expensive lawyers, in fact, I am my own expensive lawyer! It works for my friend Keith, it works for me.

What about the victims, Sir Phil?

Well, we have a policy in the church of england, where I am also a church officer, victims must be silenced at all costs, to avoid scandal, we even deported one a few years ago, well, two actually, that is how far we must go to keep the standards up, we are planning legislation to mass-deport all Jersey care survivors once we finish discrediting this 'Care inquiry'.

Thank you Sir Phil, now, it is alledged that HG, the church survivor who you have publicly discredited with the help of your dual roles and connections, has been taking sustained action against the Bishop of Winchester, can you tell us a bit about the cost of this?

ooh, I know this one! It's £50,000, or was that 500,000, I know it was one or the other because these are my statutory 'plucked out of the air' figures that I keep for occasions such as this! 

TBC


No offence intended to any abuse survivors.