Tuesday, 1 July 2014

The terrible thing is...

This blog has been running since November last year and has survived Peter Ould's attacks on it.

But it barely tells my story, because the trauma blanks my mind, as I said in my letter to Jersey 'Safeguarding' (what a joke) panel, so I can keep blogging but can't tell my story, while the church, loud and unchristian have slandered and smeared me to all and sundry and make my trauma out to be madness and badness, and the fact I can barely cope, and get angry, as most survivors do, doesn't help.

I remember last year, at the church cafe, how a volunteer there said when he heard I had Asperger syndrome 'Oh, so you are likely to get all angry on me?'
A misconception,
and some judgemental unChristian person on 'clerical whispers' or 'Thinking Anglicans'
said that my 'criminal behaviour' was nothing to do with autism and she worked with people with autism and they were all gentle and quiet.
What an ignorant unchristian narrowminded and judgemental person.

No-one who calls themselves a Christian should be making any such damaging judgements.

The truth is, someone on the Autism Spectrum, when put under terribly stressful conditions is likely to get angry and lash out in one way or another,
and my circumstances were such that I could not contain my anger, regressed by a man who said he was my God-sent Dad, when regression was dangerous considering my original childhood, and left regressed to be driven from the community and maligned as a result of reporting abuse, dealing with a stressful police case and then a police beating and police nastiness and detention as a punishment for reporting the abuse.
I never recovered, and as I continued to suffer for reporting the churchwarden, I continued to deteriorate.
When nasty judgemental strangers lie about me and condemn me, they should try living through what I have and am living through.

The reality about the autism spectrum is that frustration and poor behaviour control or understanding of our emotions may cause us to lash out, I did, but I was having to cope with more than I was capable of coping with.

1 comment:

  1. Still reading your blog. Don't feel too lonely.