I am diagnosed as suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, with some of the elements of this condition being very high above the clinical cut-off point on the scale, this makes it quite serious.
I have said about this that despite these serious measurements, I am in much better shape than I was 18 months to a year ago.
The depth and severity of damage to me by Jane Fisher and the former Bishop was so severe that basically it is only a miracle that I didn't commit suicide.
But the events of the past six months have sent my stress levels sky high, especially recently, and despite the best efforts of my church, support team and therapy, I am in a state of severe tension, distress and depression.
I will list some of the traumas but the list is exhaustive:
- Being traced by the police, basically this should not have happened and is inexcusable and was done to no beneficial purpose as the Diocese showed no interest in talking to me, explaining why they had set up on me through the police, or what they wanted, they subsequently never explained the enquiry.
- The fake apologies in the paper by the Bishop and Archbishop, which were never backed up by genuine personal apologies. It appears that for all their power and status, the church of england do not know what a proper apology actually is.
- The way the Archbishop blanked and blocked communication and ignored me, while he had all the time in the world for wrongdoers in Jersey who approached him.
- The way the Bishop threatened me with court orders, what court order? one that one of his employees got me for responding to her harm of me? I had no knowledge of this order, if it exists, what I do know is that I was threatened by a man who had me illegally traced by police only to blank me and threaten me, which instantly made it quite clear that the whole matter was a farce. I have not come to terms with this man, Tim Dakin, tracing and threatening me. It is a deep deep trauma.
- In the meantime I was being told by everyone else what the Dean of Jersey and his clergy had already told me previously, that the Bishop had no authority in Jersey, no authority to discipline the Dean and thus the Dean would be reinstated. The Bishop's office denied this and said that the Dean would not be reinstated without an enquiry. And what an utter nonsense that turned out to be, further harming me!
- So far I was very shocked and damage and didn't hear a word of kindness or helpfulness from the Bishop's office, it was all vague waffle, a nonsense.
- Anyway, the hate campaign against me by clergy and church leaders in Jersey kicked off in style when the Dean was suspended, supposedly just in defence of the Dean, ignoring the fact that he had done wrong, albeit years ago. I suffered and have never recovered from that hate campaign, it haunts my nightmares and has left me further traumatized and affected what little self-esteem I had, it has left me with an empty hopeless hole inside me that makes any attempt by me to put my side of things across hopeless.
- Meantime I was made aware of the 'Korris Report' by the bloggers, a report written by some lay counsellor called Jan Korris, and titled as if it was written by someone, rather than some obscure lay counsellor with few qualifications. The Korris report was an awful inaccurate, defamatory and damaging report, apparently commissioned by Jane Fisher, who grandly titled herself as 'Winchester Diocesan Safeguarding Panel', a panel that does not apparently exist, if there was a panel rather than Jane Fisher on her own, damaging vulnerable people and covering the church's back, then how come Jane Fisher alone damaged me and didn't refer to her 'panel' and was able to have the Korris report done in a way that covered up her wrongdoing and further damaged me and misled everyone.
This list will be continued tomorrow. I am stopping here because of the trauma and distress that even writing this causes me, I am in serious difficulties.