sick of the church of england

well here I am awake, the Church of England's destroyal of me is apparently far from over, and so I am sick and unable to sleep. Instead of ending it at their crass insensetive forcing on me of 'help' last year, they are still producing reports that villify me and omit my side of things.

John Gladwin and Christine Daly never finished getting my side of things and only had a token meeting with me when Bob Hill insisted, I kept asking John and Christine to put an end to the Diocese of Winchester's harm to me and the Steel investigation, but they would not help, would not ask the Bishop not to lie in the press or ask for the conflicted investigation to be withdrawn, instead, they probably have used that against me.

I didn't realise that there are still more inaccurate reports to come, John Gladwin's report that omits my side of things and includes Dame Steel's report that she did on behalf of the wrongdoers, this follows the inaccurate and deeply damaging Korris report that was done without my side of things included, and a 'safeguarding report' about the way the police treated me, which again omits my side of things and apparently claims that the way the police handled me was reasonable, despite the fact that the Jersey police have from the start not behaved in a correct way and have commited misconduct and inflicted brutality and behaved in an unethical and unprofessional way throughout.
Even the Korris report omits the police sending me the results of their interview with the churchwarden by email and then the same day brutalizing me and flinging me into a cell for a period of time while talking to me as if I had commited a crime, while they did not do the same to the churchwarden, they probably shook hands with him and never even put him in a cell, shaking hands being something important to the brotherhood.
The Korris report claims that the police sent me a nice fluffy letter about keeping the churchwarden on record, but they didn't. I received no letter.

But how would the Korris report or Steel report or any report get a genuine record from the police when even I was not given a genuine record? The police repeated inaccuracies back to me and to Hampshire police, and who oversees the police? A reader in one of the Churches involved, a friend of the abuser, the home affairs minister for Jersey, one and the same person.
The same person who claimed in the States that I was not deported in my pyjamas, when I was, so how can any report get anything but a distorted view of what happened to me?
The safeguarding report into the way I was handled by the police did not include my account of things, but would have been handled by the Home Affiars minister who is a reader and member of the church and friend of the churchwarden who abused me.

I do not think the brutality and jeers and the way I was told my side was not valid and the way the police were inaccurate in account of what happened to me was reasonable.
But the Home Affiars Minister for Jersey and politician Philip Bailhache, both have had influence over the reports done, and have both used their combined positions in the church and state to bias things.

And as I have been excluded from giving my side of things in all reports and instead have been threatened and villified by the Bishop, the whole thing is one terrible farce.
What I do not understand is why they seem happy to inflict this grinding terrible unending destroyal of me on me when they had already more than destroyed me with repeated one-sided police and court cases against me, where I had no voice and no-one one to speak for me. What is the point? Is it just a question of forcing me to commit suicide because I cannot live with their unchristian damnation of me and refusal to let me live my life or even rebuild from what they have destroyed?