As I continue to write the blog and get feedback, I find more and more that I am not alone, I know now that I am not the only one to be called bad names and labelled, I am not the only one to be damaged by being maligned in the church grapevine, not the only one who had problems seeing the abuser wherever they went, not the only one to be called a scrounger and wrongly accused, not the only one to be vulnerable because of family problems and thus left open to abuse, and not the only one who has suffered well off church people making me feel small and worthless and telling me that myself and my reactions are to blame, I am not the only one to have suffered homelessness as a result of abuse, and I am not the only one to be subjected to blatant lies at the hands of the church.
Yes, we are all human and sinful, and this is one of many church excuses, but people ordained and 'called' to positions of power in the church should be able to act accordingly and not abuse or behave in a damaging way towards vulnerable people, because in such positions those people don't have an excuse for such extreme sin, indeed it is not excusable in anyone to deliberately inflict such harm.
I hope that that makes sense, I just feel like exploding the church's excuses.
Think about this: The church tried to tell me that my abuser (who had previously been accused of misconduct and sacked from another church) was 'just a Christian who got things wrong'. In contrast other church leaders and clergy called me wicked, malicious and a troublemaker.
This says that the church consider my disability and reactions to the abuse and church attitude to be worse than the abuse, and they have enforced that by preventing me being able to take civil legal action against my abuser while they had me arrested.