today's post

Good evening. It has been a long day, the day started early with a routine trip to the hospital, hospital turns my hair grey, and I am sure I turn the staff's hair grey.
I like having a nosey poke around hospitals, I always wonder if the sexual health clinic is by the mortuary because the wages of sin are death, and I like the vending machines, if they work properly! :(  humpf.
I got back this afternoon very tired and had a sleep.

Tony's blog shows that Jersey and Winchester having been scrapping since long before I was born.

http://tonymusings.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/jersey-and-winchester-debate-in-1973.html

The problem with putting a link there is that I watch all my blog readers arrive on the blog, find the link and vanish through the link, never to be seen again. :)

I've been asked to do more happy memories, but at the moment my memories are all a very tired blur, so I will try and pull an old post off the 'Homeless' blog, which is not online.

My alpine advent calender doesn't want to play, so I am feeling sad, I think I have to close all my internet in order to get it to work well.

Camping in the Bishop's garden

I have been falsely accused of hanging around the Bishop's house and sleeping in his shed before. Henious lies and very wrong, done to try and further the efforts to make me out to be insane to cover the Bishop and Jane Fisher's backs. But, Polo has decided to do a Marquee at Wolvsley even though it is not July.
All are welcome to come and occupy. Please bring a CD or MP3 Player so I can listen to my favourite songs on top volume.



It is nearly 9pm and I have just got back from church, I left to go to church at 9am, so that's gotta be a record.
We have had a lovely evening, the 9 lessons and Carols, Carols always sound better by candle light, and after the carols it was drinks and mince pies, and washing up and banter with my church people.
And I came home with loads of stuff. Church always seems to mean lots of stuff.

I am laughing at how many people viewed a certain month in my homeless blog just because I mentioned it. Haha.

nightmares

Good morning.
I was woken at 2.30am, I was having violent nightmares about Jersey police.

I wonder what would have happened if someone hadn't woken me? would I have remembered the dream at all?
I wonder if nightmares and flashbacks are making the depression worse or if it is the run up to Christmas that is making it worse?
I am glad that I woke up, and the nightmare was only a nightmare and I am not being brutalized and jeered at in one of their cells, although in reality, the nightmare of what they did will haunt me forever.
It is Sunday, Church day, which is less of an ordeal than it used to be, but still has the potential to trigger.
But I like church.
I will be back this afternoon or evening, and I want to play with my alpine advent calender, because I have missed most of it this year.

anything and nothing

Hello.
I have been shopping today. Town was surprisingly not too crowded.
I ran out of energy and got home exhausted, I was only doing groceries an essentials.

I am very happy to have been sent this year's alpine advent calender. Now it's really Christmas.
And also to see the blog stats, the blog is still being viewed a lot despite me not writing much.
I am so tired though, and in pain.
I don't think I will do tonight's carol singing session with church, sure they wont mind.
So tired.
I want to start doing some story writing really rather than blogging, but as I said, from middle next week, I will start doing one or two longer and more serious posts a day on here. And maybe I will do a separate day to day blog again.

memories

I just found an indomitable memory of Jersey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaXOHCNgYrc

Polo Toons

The clergy already knew that they are beyond discipline from the Diocese, they told me so in 2010.
The Bishop couldn't have done more damage if he had tried.
But he could have tried to be reasonable to me, and not taken Jane Fisher's advice/attitude.
The last thing I needed was this idiot threatening me and treating me like dirt.

flashbacks

Today I have flashbacks and tachycardia. I stopped taking magnesium some time ago, maybe I should start again.
Flashbacks are very disruptive and are one of the main barriers to me returning to work.

I was asked if I had a copy of the Steel report.
No, because they wouldn't dare give me a copy of a report done to destroy me on behalf of wrongdoers.

There is no doubt from Bob's meeting with Steel, that the report would harm me and not deal with the wrongdoing by the Dean and his clergy.

safeguarding?

another subtle 'oops, safeguarding messed up to protect the church's reputation', you have to look carefully to find it.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-25331273

Good news oh you weary readers

Good news. From next week, my blogging will be less, due to exhaustion and another move, and Christmas. I will be producing a post or two every day, and less of this and that.

I am feeling sad that no-one has sent me an alpine advent calender this year. Please send me one. My old one will not work.

I had a cheerful day, decorating the tree. What tree? The tree I have been waiting to decorate for years. Although it is not my tree, because I do not have one.

FAO Diocese of Winchester

For the attention of the Diocese of Winchester.

You have dragged me into your row with Jersey, lost your row and left me severely damaged.

Now when are you going to deal with my complaints properly?

Your offer of 'help' was ludicrous as no help will ever take away the damage you have done to me, and I wouldn't trust anyone associated with you and who believes you, to help me.

Tony's blog

Tony has done a blog about the Dean.
The question is, why did the Bishop suspend the Dean and then let it  be said that he was acting in good faith? Why not get to the good faith bit first?

http://tonymusings.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/said-and-unsaid.html

Personally I do not believe that the Dean was acting in an appropriate way. Calling me wicked and saying I was not abused is not good practice. Nor is the way he handled the whole matter, he should have ensured that it was dealt with impartially, and as I mentioned at the time to the man at Autism Jersey, it could not be dealt with impartially by priests on the island, because all priests knew the church warden from Deanery Synod and Evangelical Alliance, and the Dean and his wife went to church and events with the church warden.

Carol Singing

Good evening.
Well I am very tired, but I had a lovely evening with my church, we went out carol singing and I didn't sing any alternative words and behaved myself, and after that we had a bit of a party, which was lovely and great fun, but I was exhausted by the end.
I hope to resume blogging tomorrow and provide something for those who are demanding some of the solid stuff about what happened to me, but tomorrow is looking busy and I have so little energy, so be patient :) please.

Hi, I am not blogging today. I woke up ill this morning and never got my energy. I went to meet my friends at the cafe but I was so tired I wanted to sleep when I got there.
I am going to have a plate of rice and then sleep again.

when will they learn?

When will these abusive churches learn? cover ups are not Christianity and not excusable.

http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2013/nov/23/scotland-catholics-sex-abuse-allegations-bishops?CMP=twt_gu

This is so funny, and the end paragraph is so subtle,as are the headline and caption combination. I had to post it.

The Church Warden, post 1. answer to request, please note, I can only deal with things like this a bit at a time.

I find this difficult to write, but I will do my best, and at some point I will share some of the many statements that I wrote about the church warden for the police, the Diocese and the people supporting me.

I am writing from memory, and my memory is full of trauma blanks. I have not come to terms with what happened with the church warden, and I have not been able to work through this in therapy, because in therapy we have been trying to help me cope with what the Diocese, past and present, have done to destroy me.

I had not been in Jersey long, and I was working at the weekends, so I had only been able to get to early Holy Communion and evening services.
So I went to the evening service at that awful church, I didn't know it was an awful church at the time.
It was only a small evening service.
The church warden came in, and this was surprising because he normally went to the Town Church with his wife and the Dean and his wife for the evening service as he did not like the evening service at his own church.
 I can't remember why he turned up at his own church that evening. But he did, and he asked people who I was, and everyone said they didn't know.

He came and asked if he could sit with me, and I, really not knowing any better, said yes.
He told me he was church warden, and I was used to lots of safe church wardens on the mainland, so I assumed he was safe.

The Vicar's wife came over and sat with us, and the church warden said she was there to keep an eye on him, which maybe referred to this 'chaperoning' policy, which was so noticably absent the rest of the time. If this chaperoning policy ever properly existed.

Anyway, the churchwarden spoke to me alone outside the church afterwards, nothing untoward then, but two weeks? later, after another evening service, he took me for a walk, told me that God wanted me to be his adoptive daughter, and he held my hand as we walked, but if anyone walked near, he withrew his hand.
He said some unusual and inappropriate things, asking me if I used drugs or had boyfriends, and he said he wanted my Dad's phone number in case anything happened to me, which I thought was very arrogant and behind times, my dad was not my next of kin, I, even then knew I could choose my next of kin, and at the time, my fear of my family meant my Dad was not my next of kin.
I was not happy with his questioning of me, because it did not seem normal.

Anyway, the church warden sat with me in a shelter on the seafront and held my hand and told me about his life, how he had a wife and two sons and how he was a dinghy instructor and how he worked for Romerils, which he described as a 'Christian' company.

He took his hand away from mine when some children approached us.
He told me he 'had to go home or his wife would be angry' which seemed strange to me.

And then he told me he wanted me to go home with him.

So I did.

I completely innocently saw this as just friendship. I still have that naivety, sadly, I cannot tell properly what people's motives are.

But when we got to his house, his wife's immediate reaction was not good, but she quickly pasted on a smile and went to put the kettle on.
But her initial reaction remained with me. She looked angry and worried. She didn't know me and hadn't met me before, but she obviously was not happy at him bringing someone home like that.

Bishop

If the Dean is 'in the clear' as stated by the media, surely the Bishop should apologize to him, and also there should be an investigation into why the Bishop of Winchester launched the suspension of the Dean so publicly and in the way that he did?
And why the Bishop spent half a million on a conflicted investigation which excluded my version of things?
I know how badly the Dean dealt with things, but with the hijack of the investigation by Dame Steel, and no interest from John Gladwin and Christine Daley, my side got excluded, and that remains a fact.
As does the way the Bishop invaded my life and severely damaged me and threatened me for my reaction of  begging to be left alone.

exclusive information, only available everywhere.

The Bishop thought he was in charge back then, obviously. He soon learned.

http://therightofreply.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/dark-days-are-over-what-dark-days.html#comment-form

Due to the time and tiredness, the church warden request I received will be answered tomorrow.
Here is a link in the meantime.

http://planetjersey.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,55.msg58366.html#msg58366

http://www.wakefield.anglican.org/images/uploads/handbook/clergyfinance/clergylegaldefencecover.pdf

anything and nothing

Dame Steel is reading my blog. awesome, maybe she wants my side of things?

Anyway.
I got back from church just 45 minutes ago, which is funny because I went to church at 9am this morning.
Well, since the morning service I've been hanging out with the gang, eating good food and playing cards (I am no good at cards as it uses the defective part of my brain), I decided not to go to the evening service, so I came back, weighed down with books, Christmas cards and cake :)
Ah, where did that long hot summer go, with all those long Sunday afternoons on the blanket with a book and a picnic?

I am told not to be so harsh on Peter, by respected mentor.
OK.
Peter you need a haircut.

There, that was more polite.

Polo has been doing cartoons.
His cartoons are not for the faint hearted or easily offended, although the Bishop wrecking ball ones were my request because the Bishop has been a tiny bit unhelpful.

http://photopol.com/jersey/jersey_toons.html

Ten uses for Guernsey Gache:

1. Bath sponge
2. Door Stop
3. Pillow
4. Cannon Ball to fire at that other island
5. Donkey Food
6. Traffic calming measure
7. Buoy
8. Stool (no, not that kind)
9. Hat (hollow it out)
10. Rugby Ball

OK. Guernsey Gache is better than Jersey Wonders, cos who would want a doughnut without doughnut in it, right? That's just wrong.

windy

Good morning,
request about church warden will be done later, after church.

Tony's blog is about how windy it is in Jersey today
http://tonymusings.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/the-parable-of-builders-revisited.html