During the early hours my sleep became shallow and flashbacks invaded, this is usual, thankfully not too severe at the moment, I got up in the dark at 6am and washed myself in a bucket of cold water, as usual and had my walk, clusters of flashbacks, diocese and police, ran through my head and I overrode them, this is the usual, the problem starts when I cannot dissociate and cannot stop the flashbacks, which are always worse at night and in the early morning.
But here I am, awake and free from flashbacks, although the memories are never far away.
I could tell you about the flashbacks and bad memories before I go into a summary of the Diocesan trauma from this year and continue to tell you in depth how and why it has damaged me.
In my sleep the flashbacks were mainly about Jane Fisher and how she would not get off me and out of my personal life and how she was able to force herself on me and have the Bishop backing her up and claiming she was only helping me, while she forced on me and had the police on me for going mad with distress.
The Bishop was asked to withdraw her continually from 2009 and he didn't.
Anyway, the cluster of flashbacks in the morning was firstly about the police and then about the couple in Overton who belittled me so very much. The Overton couple are not normally part of my memories or flashbacks.
Anyway, that lot of flashbacks was really an easy lot compared to sometimes.
The fireworks show of horror/the diocese relaunching their interventions into my life this year:
- Being traced by the police by the diocese was wrong, shouldn't have happened and is inexcusable and has caused me deep trauma and disruption and fear, these are the same police that the diocese used to damage me beyond repair only two years ago, why on God's earth was it allowed for me to be traced so the diocese could re-start their cycle of violation and harming me for my reaction.
- The police claimed that the Bishop wanted to apologize to me, which he never has, and also that 'local church groups wanted to support me', to me this remains a mystery 'local'??? church groups??? I will never know the foundation of that incredible lie, but the Bishop never even answered my emails, certainly never apologized and all I got was, after a few weeks, some chaplain guy waffling vaguely and irrelevantly and then the Bishop threatening me in response to me BEGGING the diocese not to do a repeat of that prolonged attack on my life in Winchester by Jane Fisher, which led to her having me battered and locked up when I responded.
- The chaplain guy also tried to tell me that I was not being harmed by the hate campaign in Jersey against me, which was the response to the Dean being suspended. This smacked of Jane Fisher and her delusional denials of what was really happened, which the Korris report picked up and used on her behalf in the branding of me as mad.
I will continue this saga later today. There is a cup of tea with my name on somewhere.