I am feeling a lot better from the recent flu (flew), and am home where I belong. I did quite a bit of writing last night as I sat by a warm radiator with hot drinks and soup, thanks D and B. Here is another Korris correction.
Korris Report, missed out points continued:
One of the very major issues that caused my collapse in Jersey and the ensuing difficulties is the fact that I was not just sexually abused, I was regressed to childhood and abused.
The abuse was not just sexual but emotional, severely so, my mind was played with by this big man who called himself my daddy, and he made me into a little girl again and claimed he was healing me.
As a result, when I left his family, I remained childlike, as he was not a regression therapist but had made me into his ‘little daughter’ and had not just sexually abused me while I was like a child with him but had also played with my mind and also tried to play me and his wife off against each other, telling her that I was in love with him while telling me she considered me to be a burden and felt that I would be a burden for the rest of her life.
And so on.
But I missed the signs that this was an abusive relationship because I was blinded by the loving and the repeated assurances by this man that he was my ‘daddy’ and that I was his ‘precious daughter’.
At the time, all the signs were there that this was not an ok relationship, but hindsight is always no help. I remember his wife being angry about his relationship with me, and he told me it was because he had been sacked from a church for misconduct before.
His wife also said that she was afraid of him being seen with me in case it damaged his CRB check.
And he had phone conversations with the Vicar and the Vicar’s wife where he condemned me for reacting to his sexual behaviour but omitted that it was sexual behaviour I reacted to, again this was deeply humiliating for me, and the Vicar and his wife, though they knew he had a history, did not warn me about him, but instead, discussed me with him, and avoided me and spoke even more with him about me when I grew angry about their hurtful discussions about me which I overheard.
I went to the Vicar during some of the emotional abuse, and he said he would look into it, and then the Churchwarden who abused me spoke to him and told him that nothing was wrong.
Who was believed? Him.
Anyway, by the time I removed myself from this churchwarden and his wife, I was deeply damaged, both by the sexual and emotional abuse and by the wife’s attitude that I was a disabled ‘burden’, to which she added things like telling me that her sons would never stoop to do the menial work I did, not even when they were students.
I left that family, devastated and regressed, so devastated that I was offered anti-depressants by my doctor, even though I had a history of severe reaction to anti-depressants.
The ensuing reaction to the anti-depressants, coupled by the fact I was still regressed and childlike, meant that I went on to face Bob Key’s appalling handling of the complaint, the police investigation and the Diocese of Winchester’s refusal to investigate, all while I was in a childlike state and shocked and grieving for what I thought had been my God-given family, and I was blamed and shunned in the church community in Jersey and so I certainly blamed myself. Even though I knew I had been abused.
So if you are wondering from the inaccurate Korris report what would drive someone to swearing and fury, I was a child again, I though that after my original distressing upbringing that God had at last answered me and sent me a family and at last I belonged, being regressed to childhood again by this churchwarden was terribly psychologically harmful, and then Bob Key’s efforts to thwart the abuse complaint and then living in a community who were against me for making a complaint, the stress of the police complaint and the lasting psychological damage of the regression, followed by the diocese’s terrible handling of the case for the sake of cover-up, the bullying by jane Fisher and her excuses for Bob key and the churchwarden, which continued with her personally scapegoat ing me to excuse both the churchwarden and the clergy and laity who supported him and maligned me.
That is part of why I went mad.
There is a lot more to it than that, but I hope that helps you to begin to see things from my view, as the Korris report omits my view.
As I think I mentioned recently, Jane Fisher’s replies to my emails and concerns became increasingly unhelpful and not actually addressing my concerns, she told me things such as that my abuser was a ‘Christian who got things wrong’, oh yes? So someone with a history of abuse and who had no conscience about what he did to me and lied to police and church community is a Christian who got things wrong? Even though the end result for me is so bad, that man is a Christian? In what way? Is lying or serial abuse Christian?
Put this in context, Bob Key and his wife said I was wicked, I am wicked for what? Bieng psychologically damaged and abused and raging because my complaint was handled so badly? And my abuser isn’t wicked, he just got things wrong?!
Let me just add to that, who did jane Fisher work so hard to get a criminal record? Someone known as a serial abuser? No, she did nothing effective about him and he remains in church positions, while I have a criminal record at her hands and am on the streets.
I cannot see how it is justice that my abuser still has a place in the church and carries out church duties, as do the people who have supported him and harmed me, while I was slandered to strangers in my home town of Winchester, and driven from my friends and all churches and the Church of England, by Jane Fisher and Bishop Scott-Joynt.
Because I was an abuse victim who they failed, and they needed to cover their backs at my expense.