An Open Letter to Jersey Safeguarding Partnership and related authorities

20/02/2016

 

Dear Safeguarding Jersey Partnership and LSBC, cc police and other agencies,

As you cut me off and delete my messages, I will re-iterate my formal complaint by email and also add a formal complaint that you don't have any right to try to silence a legitimate complaint and wouldn't treat the defendants in my case this way because they have status whereas I am vulnerable.

In 2013, the conflicted Jane Fisher, Stuart Gull, Bishop of Winchester, Glenys Johnstone and church dignitary Ian Gorst liased to create a series of Whitewash reports to ensure that church and police were collectively cleared at my expense while I was left voiceless.

Ian Gorst is openly conflicted in his support of the Dean and no report arranged by him is credible. Jersey Police treated me so horrifically that I will never recover, but Glenys Johnstone liased with the police without my consent, got only their side of things, and told Bob Hill that the police had done nothing wrong, a year before she made a token effort to contact me, having finished this whitewash report. This glaring misconduct has gone unchallenged by Senator Gorst or the church or police or press or indeed any authority, but that is very typical of Jersey. Jersey is a haven for anyone powerful enough to be protected by it's corrupt government and it's agencies, if they want to commit misconduct and abuse, they will, and will never be challenged on it.

And that is proved yet again as Stuart Gull remains the press stuntman for the police, showing off every few months in the news about abuse cases for the benefit of the care inquiry, despite his illegal actions in my case.

I am sure I am not the only victim of SOJP beatings for reporting abuse who sees this press stunt madness with horror and disgust, and as for the victims who the police have killed...

Jersey police's actions and their sustained efforts to make me out to be mad and their very serious and criminal dishonesty remain unchallenged, but who is going to challenge a corrupt police force overseen by a corrupt government?

In 2013, Glenys Johnstone claimed that the police had done no wrong, well if their serious misconduct isn't wrong, then Jersey is as dangerous as the fantasist bloggers think it is, Johnstone told Bob Hill that the police had done no wrong. I never authorized any conversation between Mr Hill and Mrs Johnstone, nor sharing of information nor any interaction at all, so Johnstone has broken the law in declaring her whitewash to a member of the public in Jersey, especially after she stood by and allowed Philip Bailhache to breach the data protection act and release my name and my abuser's name to the general public without any protest or action on her behalf or on behalf of the safeguarding team.

Indeed they have failed to respond to various complaints regarding my welfare at the hands of the conflicted church-states members in Jersey as lies continue to be released into the press by Philip Bailhache - presumably Gull isn't investigating Bailhache and nor are the church, even though he has posed a risk to children and the vulnerable by his actions in protecting paedophiles and other wrongdoers, which in turn has led to repeated abuses that Bailhache has showed no concern or remorse for.

The Bishop of Dover's claim that the churches in Jersey were safe could only have been a joke while Bailhache is lay chair of the synod, having publicly attacked me with no reaction from the church and having enabled abuse by defending various paedophiles and allowing them to continue to abuse, as well as the Dean having openly been a friend and supporter of my abuser and thus allowed to destroy me, aided by Jane Fisher, and that is only a small snapshot of the church's lack of safeguarding, but again, Willmott's press stunt was for the benefit of the care inquiry, and while what I experienced in the church has not been investigated or dealt with, Willmott is a blatant and knowing liar. But unchallenged in the 'Island without Safeguarding' of course.

Knowing that Stuart Gull is dishonest and willing to behave illegally, I would assume his repeat 'investigations into high profile figures' every time the care inquiry makes Jersey look bad are of this form 'pretend to investigate chosen people so that the care inquiry cannot investigate them, then let them off, having used the usual police and chosen lawyers Jersey Way, and thus the inquiry can do nothing about them', although some of the blogger fantasists think the inquiry are complicit, which wouldn't be that far fetched, to be honest, we know nothing will be done and nothing will change, the police in Jersey only have the power to brutalize and lie on record about vulnerable people, they do not have the power to hold to account the people who pay their wages/bribes delete as appropriate.

I can assure you with confidence, not one of those 'high profile figures' will be named, shamed or blamed, you will not see their names dragged through the mud, you will not see them lied about in the press as I have been.

Can you see the difference between the poor and vulnerable and rich and powerful in Jersey? There is no safeguarding or justice for the vulnerable, while the powerful in the police, church and states can act exactly as they please, and the care inquiry won't change that. Because it has no power.

As long as I remain voiceless, slandered and subjected to henious whitewashes, I will go on suffering and it will go on affecting my mental and physical health, so why has Glenys Johnstone not resolved this matter that she and the LGO and LSCB and Police complaints and social services have received for three years? Because you are determined to try and keep the 'Mad' label on me? Then you need to ask why you are in your roles at all.

Wouldn't you say that years is a bit too long for the safeguarding board, notoriously bad as they are, to resolve this matter?

I understand there has been another article about failures to safeguard, hence Gull's recent showing off, and presumably this is why so many people are viewing my blog and looking up Glenys Johnstone and Jersey Safeguarding Failures. Which reminds me of the trauma and damage Johnstone has done.

In 2014 Mike Higgins, a crackpot Jersey Deputy who meddles, and as a friend of Bob Hill, meddled dangerously in my case and damaged me, demanded answers from Ian leMarquand, who as you know, thinks one-off paedophilia is not a problem at all (as if there was any such thing), and who was also Home Affairs Minister, overseer of the police and also a Church reader and friend of my abuser.

LeMarquand failed to declare his conflict of interests and background as a reader in one church where I had been treated shamefully for reporting my abuser, and instead publicly defamed me and lied about me and my case in the States and in the press and media.

The Safeguarding board did nothing to prevent or act on this, because their job is not to safeguard the vulnerable but to protect powerful abusers such as Mr LeMarquand, who was allowed to go on and give evidence to the inquiry as a witness not as an abuser or paedophile protector.

I wonder if he is even one of Gull's 'high profile' fakes?

Higgins hasn't apologized for his actions against me, he is a bit like the bloggers, so deluded that they are doing good, they have no idea that it is human beings they are using, not puppets. Again it is a safeguarding issue, but as yet, there is no safeguarding in Jersey. Safeguarding presents in accountability, and Jersey is famous for not having any of that in stock.

Gull shouldn't be in a position of working with abuse victims or showing off about the high profile people that he will liase with lawyers such as Heather Steel to clear. He has had a formal complaint against him for his tandem illegal activities in liasing with Heather Steel illegally and with Glenys Johnstone while he was conflicted by his liason with Heather Steel to help clear the Church of England. So when are the safeguarding board going to act on this? Oh, they can't, they are headed by Gorst's chosen cover-up chair, Glenys Johnstone!

Unless the Care Inquiry can change this culture of back-scratching and blatant illegal action, then they will have been ineffective in changing things in Jersey, and judging by their secret meetings with Bailhache and others, they won't be making any difference, but presumably the whitewash reports are on hold until the care inquiry leaves.

But what is the point of all these whitewash reports? Just box ticking? Because while abusers and wrongdoers have had their say, I have not been invited to any fair or impartial investigation at all. I have been treated with complete contempt by the church and Jersey authorities, and the smear campaign makes people feel that is justified, it is not, there is no justification in attacking a vulnerable adult and drive her to despair, the law forbids you to attack a murderer or a rapist the way I have been attacked, so why have Jersey Police and the authorities allowed abusers and paedophile protectors to attack me as if they are shining angels? And why doesn't any single person in safeguarding or social services understand that if someone is abused and voiceless and provoked constantly they will get angry?!

Jersey Safeguarding board are obliged to call a genuinely independent investigation which includes me. They are not legally allowed to go on allowing me to be harmed or defamed.

Also, make sure a very strong point is made about investigating the illegal 'safeguarding' meeting that Bob Hill mentioned to me.

No consent was given by me. Also all the safeguarding board were doing was a box-ticking cover up for the diocese of winchester, make sure the diocese and their illegal actions are properly investigated, they knew Steel was conflicted, they also knew that I had a complaint about Jersey Police, and they knew that Gull would not be credibly allowed to liase with Johnstone and Steel as Steel had been named as conflicted and her aim of protecting the Dean on behalf of her colleagues the Bailhache brothers and Michael Birt was very clear.

The police were thus able to act illegally in covering their own tracks, aid Steel illegally, whitewash with Johnstone and leave me voiceless as the Bishop of Winchester boasted in the paper about reports and 'care' for me, which involved an illegal and inappropriate referral to the NSPCC which he tried to force on me and threatened me.

I know Jersey is inefficient and unable to safeguard or recognise corruption and illegal police-states-judiciary actions as wrong, but three years is a bit much for me to wit for resolution.

Dear LSBC if you put the phone down and cut off my messages about this, you are not fit for purpose, there needs to be a genuine serious case review now that includes ALL the abuse that I have survived in the Church of England and ALL the failures of social services and police and others and the criminal interferences by Jane Fisher, and the massive discrepancies such as her openly slandering me as a troublemaker when I returned homeless to my home town of Winchester and yet describing in the Korris rubbish the things she slandered me as a troublemaker as 'things that had been forgiven' isn't it funny how a devious liar like Fisher or Julie Wallman can re-write a story to suit their audience?

And speaking of Korris, it is very important that there is a serious review into that as it breached the data protection act, was an attack on me to cover up for the church, excluded me and my story, covered up for the police and Jane Fisher and failed to give a true picture, and not only that, it was sent to the police and published internationally as if it was fact and was thus used to base all following reports on. As yet there has been no apology, redaction or anullment of it at all.

(Make sure all these whitewashes are annulled and that I receive an apology from yourselves and the church).

Following on from that, the police liased illegally with Fisher again, my abuser and destroyer Jane Fisher, to try and cook up a way of clearing the abuser they had protected between them at my expense, the police  decided they now had 'evidence' that apparently Fisher had witheld, but as far as I know, she has not yet been arrested for perverting the course of justice, why not?

Anyway, the police launched on me, presumably they expected me to be stupid enough to come to Jersey and be brutalized and called mad and flung in a cell while they cleared my abuser, instead, they got a formal complaint for harassing me. Jersey police do not punish abusers, they punish their victims, and their first punishment of me, that day they first let my abuser go in 2008 was enough to leave me out of my mind, hence me going 'mad' as I did, and to this day I haven't recovered and I don't think I ever will, sometimes I am back there on St. Clements Bay, and the sea is frozen and the darkness is deep, and nothing will ever make the dark and cold go away, nothing. The police came and got me that night brutally and viciously, brutalizing me, threatening to handcuff me and they threw me on the floor of a cell and slammed the door. And what had I done? Nothing worse than reporting an abuser, because back then, I really hadn't started fighting the church for justice. I was deeply traumatized and fragile and at breaking point, and what had the police done that day? sent me an email clearing my abuser and claiming that 'the poor man had learned his lesson and I should leave the poor man alone'.

This poor man is the one who laughed when he saw me in the street, a serial abuser who slandered me round the churches and went to services with the Dean who was supposed to be investigating him. Jersey police's actions towards me that day, viciously assaulting me and flinging me in a cell while calling my abuser a '[poor man' caused me a massive breakdown that led to me degenerating rapidly and never recovering. You can bet your life that none of that is in Johnstone's whitewash. And the Korris report whitewash and brown-nosing of the police for fisher was unbelievable. And Gull wasn't there when the police behaved heniously and covered up for themselves but he is liable for spreading the untruthful slander that is a joke of a police record, and also allowing Philip Bailhache, Dame Steel's colleague illegal access to those records that Bailhache then shared with the general public.

So when Jersey police contacted me, I contacted a Jersey Politician and asked him to act as a mediator to inform the police that I had no faith in them or their motives and that if they tried to subpoena me to clear the abuser who they had protected, I would very easily be able to provide a medical certificate stating I was not fit to appear in court.

I was not fit to appear in court in Jersey when the police destroyed me for the Dean, but the police lied and said they had had me assessed, they most certainly did not, you cannot assess an unconscious person and no-one assessed me when I was awake.

Anyway, Stuart Gull then proceeded to further mislead the general public and press by claiming there was no case against the churchwarden, while omitting that I had stated that I would not under any circumstances co-operate with the corrupt and brutal police force, it is entirely their responsibility that an abuser is free and laughing and knowing he will be well looked after by church and police if he wishes to abuse again.

To be honest, judging by the volume of illegal actions by the church and police, it would be unsurprising if church, police or even the safeguarding board pointed my abuser in the direction of vulnerable children or adults for a couple of quid. Just to remind you at this point that my abuser regressed me so I was like a young child while he abused me, he is a paedophile and the police tried to make my warnings about him and the yatch club cadets and his grad daughter out to be me committing an offence.

I guess in Jersey logic trying to protect children against a paedophile is an offence, especially the brother of an alledged rapist member of the states who is too important to be tried for rape.

The damage by the church, police and press is being compounded and prolonged by the fear of these whitewash reports and it is time this prolonged and completely unjust punishment of my whole life is ended.  These reports are nothing to do with my case, from the Korris rubbish to the Johnstone whitewash, I have had no voice, these reports have each been arranged to cover up and deny responsibility. And it is time someone stepped in and stopped the discrediting of me as mad, and ended this matter, for what kind of psychopaths are the church and police and safeguarding boards to inflict this on me if they think I am mentally ill? It would imply they are trying to force suicide by defaming me and allowing me to be smeared in the press while not having any voice against the lies in the reports and  not having any report detailing my side of things !

Presumably the authorities think I am either going to stop making a complaint or they are going to silence me in the traditional way attempted by the police on behalf of the church, the vicious brutalizations and police jeers which have scarred me for life but are not mentioned in any report.

No, my complaint remains for every single day that I wake up suffering and every single night where I have nightmares, so basically the complaint remains to the end of my life, which I do expect to be as a result of an 'accident' in a police cell as I continue to live in fear of the private mafia that the police are.

What amuses me recently is that fantasist bloggers Neil McMurray and Rico Troll-Sorda are all over 'operation coverup-showoff-whistle' and think it is genuine rather than a smoke screen that will blow away with the care inquiry's departure, but if you saw Sorda and McMurray causing me anguish by using my case to attack their hated states and using the Korris rubbish as if it was fact but also never recording my side of things, maybe it isn't that surprising, but again, there is a massive safeguarding issues with these bloggers, they are doing all this stuff, and Bob Hill's anguishing and horrific re-write of my case based on the Korris rubbish, has left me further severely damaged, I am hanging on by a thread, and I am concerned that other survivors will have been used by the bloggers and driven to suicide, purely because Jersey's authorities are failing survivors and allowing their cases and mine to be handed over to these unqualified but well meaning spectators who step in and can only do things that fit in with their own political aims.

If you look at the fantasy blogs, commentors who bring a polite counterpoint or disagree or state their concern either with points in the blog or with comments on the blog - are attacked and called names and told - anonymously of course, things that equate to 'go kill yourself' and McMurray especially both allows this and when challenged, says he sees no problem. This is despite the bloggers being obsessed with a troll called Jon Shorrck-Hawoth who they attack for apparently doing exactly what I have just described.

Now surely safeguarding in Jersey should both be adequate to bypass the need for these vigilantes taking over cases as they did with mine, and to prevent all of this from happening, the Korris report is so very pointedly a lying cover-up that it nearly caused me to commit suicide as it was illegally published internationally, leading to hate attacks by strangers and great efforts to trace me, again, I was homeless and very traumatised, it is a miracle I survived it and held on as the attacks continued and have never stopped, and I live as a fugitive. The bloggers and Bob making statements and taking actions based on the Korris report, further spreading it's harm and deep deep shame of me, was nearly the last straw, and I haven't recovered.

Nothing whatsoever has been done about Jan Korris's serious breach of BACP ethics and the law and safeguarding boundaries and my safety and privacy. Nothing, and the church have failed at any point to address my concerns, which re-iterates the fact that none of this has been even remotely to do with safeguarding.

Also, the church remain unable to even contact me to apologize for the harm done or their action of allowing the Steel-Gull-Johnstone whitewash even thlough they were told with evidence that this was a serious conflict of interests and breach of my privacy and rights, the 'appontment' off officer Gull of the conflicted Jersey police by the Bishop of Winchester was illegal and Gull was not permitted or in a position to liase with Steel and Johnstone. And yet during all of this, no attempt was made to include my views, indeed Steel didn't intend to interview me and didn't contact me until I actually got her @ChurchofEngland email address when she was reported in a massive advert in the JEP to be acting on behalf of the Jersey Deanery in a complaint against Bishop Dakin, which was hilarious as her report was supposedly being done on his behalf, a massive conflict that again no-one has explained yet, but I contacted Steel to ask her to resign as she was both conflicted and malicious.

She didn't. Nor has the Bishop of Winchester been removed for attacking me and the Dean publicly and following that with a long serious of serious misconducts to protect himself when he realised belatedly that he had no right whatsoever to do what he did.

Another thing out of thousands of points in this massively conflicted and complex case is the complete omission from any report of the glaring conflicts within the church in my case, for example the Dean aiding the liason of my abusers and their families and friends to brand me as a troublemaker and Jane Fisher not only not acting on this but also both aiding and magnifying it. No report mentions that nor does any report or any person in the police, press, church or safeguarding counter it with my side of things why? Well because no-one has got my side of things, no one has recorded and reported my side of things, instead the archaic church and politician and abuser trick of labelling a survivor mad and a troublemaker and using their PTDS against them  has been used to the max. And incredibly in this day and age, no one has questioned this.

Also I must comment and eventually something must be done before too many more vulnerable people are killed by police, neither Jersey nor Hampshire Police are capable of understanding that trauma is not madness and madness is neither a punishable offence nor curable by brutality, jeers, refusing to hear their victim's side of things or other serious misconducts. they are in the dark ages and completely ignorant of autism or trauma or even understanding that someone like me could not cope with the prolonged and sustained trauma and abuse I had suffered, as yet nothing has been done and there is no system to complain about the police and ensure my side is on record rather than me being left as a branded fugitive who's life is very limited and ashamed as a result of the branding.

I look forward to you arranging a proper independent investigation, although I doubt that you are capable of that. As you know, I have a lot more to say but I also have two assignments to do and this letter, written because the LSCB would rather protect Johnstone and put the phone down on me and delete my messages, has taken up a lot of time. This letter is not comprehensive it contains a fraction of my concerns about this complex case, a fraction!

Make sure the investigation includes Jane Fisher's persistent illegal actions and obtaining of confidential information and interference in my interactions with services, authorities and people in Jersey when she had been told clearly and persistently by me to stop harassing me, and also her continued and persistent interference in Winchester after she aided the Dean in destroying me and leaving me homeless, most specifically her illegal liason with the council and homeless services and especially social services who thus made me out to be insane and refused to protect me from Fisher, who was allowed to continue to harass me and use the police against me for my reaction. So far what you have been doing is protecting Fisher and the horrendously behaved police and their branding of me, and leaving me voiceless and hanging onto my life by the skin of my teeth, I cannot begin to describe to you the damage to my health and my trust for services that should be helping me.

The Korris report deliberately omits the fact that Jane Fisher provoked me and interfered constantly and relentlessly, breaking up friendships and my interactions with support services and what she and the Bishop claim is harassment was me screaming for this illegal action to stop.

If Fisher had been stopped early on when she made sure I was attacked by Matthew Price and threatened for saying perfectly truthfully that the Dean had committed misconduct, while Fisher got her and the Bishop's side of things broadcast to cover up for the church, if she had been stopped then, and intervention had protected me from further harm by Fisher and Fisher had instead ensured my abuser was dealt with instead of protected by the Dean, I have no doubt that the irreparable damage that has occurred would have been prevented. Unfortunately Bob Hill likes Matthew Price and instead of listening to the fact that Price was also protected by the church for destroying his clergy wife, Bob does as he does, and omits that whole incident from my story because it suits him better, and again, how can any report that omits the severe breakdown and the ensuing misconduct by the police even begin to be accurate.

It is time for me to be heard, and it is time for action to be taken regarding all and every person who has left me living in fear and suffering severe emotional and physical health problems as a result of this prolonged and very nasty matter. I want to move on, and although I will never really move on from the police brutality because part of my brain stopped as a result of it and is in the dark on St. Clements Bay forever, I have to live and I have to keep moving forward, and being forced to live in fear is a breach of my human rights (not that they have heard of those in Jersey).

This letter will now be published on the internet.

Sincerely,

HG/JJ

Jersey musings, similarities

Good evening,

Just when you thought I would never actually write anything on here again :)

Can you all make sure our uncle Bob is OK? I was having nightmares about him.

The JEP, which I only glance at, because who in their right mind reads that rag, especially after their attacks on me? Have been running a lot of stories about the Care Inquiry this evening.

So, I will start, Headline read 'Stuart Syvret was right to be concerned'
It made me think.
Was it Frank Walker who recently commented on Stuart's change in demeanor when he made the abuse discoveries?
I recall that clique of politicians making him out to be mad in 2008/9.
Just like they made me out to be mad.

I am pretty sure even before the injustices and imprisonments, from the time Stuart discovered the abuse, he would have been suffering Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He never makes a fuss about himself and his health publicly, but he isn't mad, and believe it or not, neither am I.
I was already horrifically damaged when the churchwarden 'regressed' me to childhood and abused me, claiming it would 'heal' me, and the ensuing horrific police and church actions, not properly recorded, added to that, and then Fisher decided to persist in destroying me, culminating in the Korris attack and the public destroyal of me.
Stuart has been ripped apart by the press and media too, but at least he spoke up, and he should be able to speak to the care inquiry without fearing for his life.
 I still fear for my life.

Islands, boats and missing boys:

I am going to be controversial from now on and I am going to talk about Adrian Lynch. I really hope no-one gets angry over this.

We know that Ted Heath used to take boys out on boats, and a witness, Linda Corby, says she saw that one less boy came back one time,

Some years ago, a young man, Damien Nettles, vanished from Cowes on Hampshire's Isle of Wight, he was never seen or heard from again, and the police messed up the investigation, couldn't even get Damien's age right and considered him to be an adult, not a minor as a result, leading to delays in investigation. Appeals have been made continuously over the years regarding his disappearance, although efforts to prevent digging in the nearby Parkhurst Forest have been solid despite a tip off that Damien may be buried there.
I read about this case as his mother posts on the 'Good Cop Down' blog written by a Hampshire Police Officer who knows as well as I do how corrupt and nasty and brutal Hampshire Constabulary are.

Anyway.

Recently the sad news of Adrian Lynch (I hope I spelled that right) going missing reminded me of the Damien Nettles case.

My thoughts are with both families, I may be autistic and with reactive attachment disorder but I know what love feels like, and I know I love my parents and my recently deceased friend and I know what missing people and grief feels like.
 And when you don't know what happened it must be worse.

But what I feel is, these two dissapearances involve young men, islands and, I think they involve boats, but neither island has a good, honest or caring police force.
Did Hampshire or Jersey Constabulary check boat movements? Or is it even possible to check all boat movements?  Do they all show up on AIS? I don't think the small ones do.

I know Cathy Fox and others do blogs about the boat kidnap and slavery/exploitation trade.
What if that is relevant here?
What if I get absolutely slaughtered for putting two and two together and getting 5.375?

The Bishop of Winchester gives another explosive sermon

Random picture of a small teeny thing

what the hell did you think I was going to post?

Lady Vicars, start hormone therapy...

Please do look at the 2600 comments on this online article:  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3412363/Bishop-London-applauds-vicars-grown-beards-reach-Muslims-Tower-Hamlets.html#comments

The Bishop of London, famous for his unChristian attitude to Occupy London protesters and his purple socks, says that Vicars should grow beards to reach out to muslims.
What about the lady vicars? :) do you think if they grew beards, they would reach out to muslims?

It's personal choice.

Grow a beard if you wish, but I will continue to be clean shaven while respecting Muslim culture and beliefs.

And what about Jewish people, does the Bishop want to reach out to them too?

Then he adds worldly rubbish about David Beckham, glorifying a plastic chav and calling him a saint! This truly is the Church of England!

Well, every time I think the Church has reached a new low for the sake of publicity, I am surprised again.

Someone has just suggested female Vicars should wear Burkas.

don't forget to click on the links for the youtube songs that describe the picures...

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yh-JoW_8qw0

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I told you I don't like this video

.................................. but seeing as I am being creative and this song was one of my first Jersey soundtrack songs........................................
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  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EB86UzewPdo

An interview with HG

Transport:

 

1 When did you learn to ride a bicycle? How old were you?

 

I learned to ride a bike when I was 8 years old, later than my siblings due to undiagnosed dyspraxia.

 

2 Did you go to any course on hand signals / road signs?

 

I actually did a course on road safety and cycling proficiency when I was about 10 years old, against my parents' wishes as it involved contact with the outside world and authorities.

 

3 Do you give your bikes a name?

 

No, not normally, although the Blue Bike was originally called Rebecca, I just call it the Blue Bike.

 

4 How old were you when you passed your driving test?

 

I was in my early 20s, my problem was not driving but fear or driving instructors, so when my placid old landlord sold me his old car and sat with me as I drove it around, that solved the driving problem.

 

5 Was it in England or Jersey?

 

England.

6 Did you have lessons, (how many) and how many goes before you passed?

 

Someone paid for a few lessons for me before I took my test, and it was money well spent. 

 

7 Which is the most tricky part of driving? Reversing into a space backwards between two cars, reversing into a sideways space between two cars, or something else?

 

Ah, the dreaded three point turn :)

 

 

8 What’s the fastest speed you have driven?

 

Shh! 

Too fast. But I never speed now, it is a sin according to the Catholic Faith.

 

9 What kinds of cars have you driven? Did they all have names? What were the names?

 

Yeah, Ok, my cars have names. I can't remember the first few, but Anna was the most significan one, named after my old friend Anna, the one who taught me to love music. Anna lasted for years, Warrior was her brief replacement before I was homeless, and now Florence has taken Anna's place. 

Mostly my cars have been Peugeot, and that is what I prefer, the other two were a Rover Metro and an Austin Metro and they were both rather rubbish and didn't last long.

 

10 How do you decide what name to give a car?

 

I have never really thought about it, Anna was always Anna, Warrior was Warrior because he was a boy car, Florence was named for me, she came to me as Florence.

11 What’s the furthest you have ever driven?

 

Probably Hampshire to Scotland or Around New Zealand, although I was sharing the driving that time.

 

12 Do you drive cars with gears or automatic? Which you usually drive, have you ever tried the other?

 

I drive geared cars, I have been offered automatics here and there but to be honest, I am fine with gears, no need to change while I am young and strong, and geared cars are cheaper and simpler to fix.

13 If you could be given any car for free, which car would you like? And why?

 

Ah, just a little Peugeot would do for me, something like Florence but younger so less repairs.

The Dean has a whole lot more than homophobia to apologise for

The Dean thinks the Church has a whole lot more than homophobia to apologise for.
The Dean has a whole lot more than homophobia to apologise for, including destroying me to cover his own back, and also allowing Gavin Ashenden to go on behaving appallingly.

When Women Bishops were voted in, the Dean and other people who were against women Bishops, were included in the countrywide campaign of frothy notices and announcements about how pleased they were that women Bishops had been voted in.
So presumably the homophobic Dean has been beamed his message from Canterbury to trot out, while Ashenden doesn't listen to much apart from the voices in his head these days. So they are giving out opposing messages and neither because they care about homosexual people.

As for being welcome in Jersey churches, you have to be rich and/or narrowminded.
I would like someone to volunteer to go to the town church and announce their gay wedding please.

Primates

Apparently the Church of England are doing a spineless conference called 'Primates'.
I have to say it is apt.
Primates conjours up an image of apes, scratching and grunting.
Yes. I like the CofE having a primates meeting, swinging from tree to tree and pissing on the zoo bars. Very apt and suitable.
Unfortunately they are more likely to piss out propaganda for the gullible to swallow.

Apparently attendance in the CofE has fallen to less than a million, which begs the question - DO WE REALLY HAVE ALMOST A MILLION RICH, ARROGANT AND GULLIBLE OLD PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY WHO WE CAN'T OTHERWISE OCCUPY IN USEFUL AND ALTRUISTIC WAYS?!

Anyway, I like Peter Broadbent's take on it Justin Welby  'alledgedly' gave a very good speech that told us all where we are'

I was unclear as to if the 'aledgedly' referred to the speech not neccessarily being Welby's own original material, or if Broadbent simply couldn' be bothered to attend or listen to the speech? The tone points to the former.

At least the Church are giving us a laugh, although the damage they do far outweighs that.

washed up in Jersey

That says it all...

Gavin Ashenden

Due to the incredible increase in views of this blog, obviously due to Ashenden behaving badly (or acting out his insanity) I decided to update this post from a while back:

Well, Gavin Ashenden is performing in the spotlight again.
He is apparently in the National press with his recent opinion on Islam.

I know he reads my blog, usually from the safety of Yemen or Normandy, but I know he won't mind me blogging about him, as he is never averse to maligning me or hurting other people's feelings.

Some peaople might expect me to write an open letter, about how he shouldn't be telling Muslims how to live when he hasn't worked out what Christianity is all about yet, But actually, he can make enough of a fool of himself and the church without my help.

Peacekeeper from Yemen, trouble stirrer from Jersey.

Do you remember Pepper Anne?

'...He's his own biggest fan...
Ashenden, Ashenden'

Here is the recent Story of Ashenden and Islam, as told by a Jersey Blogger:

http://tonymusings.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/httpwww.html

Afterthought on Islam from me.
I do not like the way the media are playing up these stories of young people being radicalised. It is scaremongering. The Churchwarden's wife used to include in her daily fears that we were going to taken over by Muslims and it would be awful for us women.
I used to live among Muslims. They were peaceful, respectful and had good senses of humour, their beliefs lead them to have a set of ethics, something that Catholics and Buddhists have but the Church of England lacks.

Gavin Ashenden saw an advert in the church rag (Times) and it said 'Come and work where clergy discipline cannot reach you! Golden sand, corruption, old boys and favours in kind'.
So he went to work in Jersey.
It is a puzzle then why he is trying to take over in Normandy!

Further Ashenden reading and links for recent viewers after his most recent rantings.

 http://www.opnlttr.com/letter/letter-jersey-deanery-15-october-2013

 http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/lies-that-bishop-willmott-tells-us.html#.Vojvp1LP7D4

 http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2015/09/ashenden-googles-himself.html#.VorLElLP7D4

 http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/gavin-ashenden-2.html#.VorLSlLP7D4

A homeless person's letter

This letter in the Daily Mirror reminds me of my own struggles. It is so sad that yet again, someone who wants a better life has it wrecked by drug people and limited and stringent homeless services.
Thank you to the Ark for looking after him. RIP.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/heartbreaking-letter-written-homeless-man-7102742

How Many Homeless people can you fit in this hospitable place? :)

A look back at 2015, July to December

July:

I had a sad start when I was told that the car I had been offered on loan was not available. I didn't blog this as I was afraid that talking about any possible progress in my life would trigger a vengeful attack by Jane Fisher, who is a very jealous lady and spent so much time destroying me and everything I had built up in my past life.

Anyway, life went on, struggling to get to work and carry tools and equipment on the bus, although my friend helped me out with lifts wherever she could.
 The blue bike was also complicating things by playing up at this point.

I continued physiotherapy and sea swims but wasn't paying any attention to diets and gym.

What I wrote on July 13th 2015 is so profound that I thought I may as well add it in here:

 http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/monday-morning.html 

This is the song that reminds me of the summer of 2015, although it comes from the sad circumstances of Pheobe's funeral in Hollyoaks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpyfrixXBqU

Hollyoaks became my best way of chilling out after a hard day at work early on in 2015.
 It is shallow and not always well-researched, but even my adoptive Mum says there is nothing wrong with something like Hollyoaks to help me relax and take my mind off things.
 I never thought I would be a soap fan.

Through the year I had been occasionally remembering to go out with my mates to cinema and other events, but not often, especially as money was tight. I started pen pal letters as a safe and easy form of armchair socialising, not sure what the armchair thought, but I still enjoy penpalling very much and my pen pals are like real friends. A lot of shy people or people who find socialising difficult find pen palling a good way of socialising.

On 16th/17th July, life changed again.
I had put a bit of money aside from tax credit backlog. And I saw a car on the local marketplace site. I decided that this car was either too good to be true or perfect for me when I read the advert.
So my long-suffering friend came out in the evening and drove me to look at this car.
 My last car in Jersey after Anna's demise had been a bum steer, so I was quite worried about buying a car. I had been having refresher lessons in July due to the fact I hadn't driven since Jersey. But I was very wary of re-introducing things into my life that had been left behind in Jersey. On the other hand due to my work, there was no way I could go on paying for expensive bus passes for unreliable buses. The only was was forward now.

So the day I went to the cinema with my mate to see 'Self/less' which you know is now my favourite DVD, F.P Nortycar, otherwise known as Florence, became my car. I was nervous from the start, an old car like Florence, even though she is a Peugeout, is a constant worry as to how long she will last and when she might break down, I just look after her as best I can.
I was very nervous to drive her at first and the night we collected her, my friend came back with me on that first drive, with her family following behind and guarding us from impatient cars.

Florence broke down two days after I got her. Norty little madam that she is.
For two weeks I was undecided as to what to do, money was low and to even have her towed would be expensive, I didn't have any car equipment and no mobile mechanic was available, while no-one I knew had any mechanical experience. I felt stupid and awful.
She broke down on the morning I was due to go to see my new therapist, so I grabbed my bike and ran for it.
I got to my therapy on time and my therapist is still my therapist, isn't he a brave man?

After almost two weeks, everyone in my life was telling me to contact the car's previous owners and ask them if they knew what might have gone wrong and if they had any jump leads.
I still didn't know if they had sold me a pup at this point and was nervous. But I contacted them. They came round promptly with jump leads, it turned out he was a skilled mechanic and knew this car very well, he discovered that it wasn't the battery, but the ignition amplifier had failed, he replaced it, and he became the car's best friend, assisting with any problems, he had probably been maintaining this car for years, hence it being in such good shape. But now with the car back on the road, I suddenly regained confidence and the memory of driving before.


By now I was already doing study preparation for University, which was due to start in October.

I was also addicted the 'Humans' series on Channel 4, and I have the DVDs now.

The weather in July was good, and I biked and swam and enjoyed BBQs and Bonfires.

My first music exam must have been in the summer, but I can't find it in the blog.

August: 

Well, August started with a bang. My landlady's daughter had moved herself in and then the landlady suddenly said she was moving a family with children in and we could like it or leave. A family with children would be impossible for me to live with, so I started to search for somewhere else, very upset.

I soon found the flat I am now in, and it was unfurnished so I had to look at furnishing it before I moved in.

I also started doing the paper rounds by car as I was now covering extra rounds.

I proceeded with the move to the flat. The upheaval left me unsettled as I had expected to stay where I was longer. Thankfully my friend helped me through the bewilderment and emptiness with tea and sympathy.

The rest of August was spent on trying to furnish the flat and make it into home. I was now completely independent and self-contained, all bills and responsibilities were mine. But at least I was no longer doing all the housework for a whole house.

Unfortunately the house move and moving heavy furniture, while also helping another family move, led to me tearing a muscle in my shoulder, which took a long slow time to mend.

The move to the flat took me some distance from the paper shop, and trying to do the papers by bike was no longer working, so I went by car every day. Then I was offered the rural routes for more money, and the car was essential. I was now having to get up very early in order to get to the paper shop for 6.30 and get the paper bundle to the rural distributor before doing my new rounds.

September:

September started with my adoptive Mum coming over for the Royal Inspection of the flat. She approved. 
Then the sofa bed saga occured. I had been sleeping on the floor of the flat when I moved in, and because the flat is small, I thought a sofa bed would be good. But the sofa bed was so uncomfortable that I didn't sleep well, my friend brought camping mattresses round and that helped a bit, but now getting up early, still unsettled in the new place and not sleeping well, it was all putting stress on me,  my injured shoulder was also suffering from the sofa bed.
The doctors had put me on codeine for my shoulder and I was even more ill.
After a while I had to beg the local welfare scheme for help, and they had a bed delivered promptly, God bless them.
I also decided I needed just a few days off from doing the papers, and that was a lifesaver, I slept in and felt better.

 On Friday September 11th, my friend came round to my flat, she was worried about me being ill and she had brought me another camping mattress to make sure I was comfy.
She was coughing, she thought she had a chest infection and she was considering seeing the doctor as it hadn't cleared up.
Unfortunately it wasn't a chest infection. And it wasn't pneumonia, which was the next guess.

The next thing I heard was that she was in hospital. 
She was terminally ill and the illness had crept in and got a hold. Already there was little they could do.

 Florence P. Nortycar also tried to quit life at this point, she blew her head gasket and that was nearly the end of her, thankfully her best friend was prepared to fix her. She was off the road for 10 days though so I couldn't do the rural routes and had to just bike round my old round instead.

My dental problems continued and I was increasingly unhappy about that.


I ended September by nominating the Bishop of Winchester as spiritual guide for the envoy to Mars.

October:

October is anniversary month, so it can be gloomy. I did what I do every year regarding one anniversary, the one where I was left destroyed and homeless by the Church of England. I went to Southampton airport, and walked down to collect myself from arrivals.

 http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/the-5th-anniversary.html

Now I was also officially starting university, having started studying in preparation in July.

My friend came home from hospital and she seemed happy but tired, she said she didn't mind dying, but of course I minded that she was dying.

Up until this point the Church of England had been fairly quiet except for a jeer about 'God's people being safe in the churches in Jersey' well what about the normal people and the vulnerable? With a paedophile protector as lay chair of the Jersey synod and my abuser still lauded and upheld while I was destroyed, real people aren't safe in Jersey's churches and I was left shocked and distressed by Bishop Willmott's duplicitous statement,

But now the Jersey Deanery, led by their 'lay chair' attacked with full force, stomping like two year olds and demanding their whitewash report again, and abusing the press and media in order to get themselves heard.
The press and media and random strangers in turn abused me over this matter.

This continued into November, seriously disrupting my university studies and music studies.

Thre DWP, HMRC and council also decided to bombard me with rubbish and confusing stuff at this point too.

The bad anniversaries coninued with the church attacks.
It was a horrible October and November.

November:

Early in November, very ill from the onslaught by the Jersey Deanery, and also now physically ill as well, I went to sit another music exam. The church hatred and onslaught had trashed my revision but I decided to sit the exam anyway.
I really couldn't tell how well I had done at the time. But my adoptive Mum met me outside the exam hall and took me to lunch and we had fun at one of my old favourite cafes, before I proceeded to do something that is omitted from this blog much as most of the Jersey Deanery onslaught is, I just really wanted to blog as normal and say nothing.
After I left my Mum when we finished lunch, I drove to Winchester.

Winchester was quiet and normal, and as usual I tried to get over the feeling of sickness and disgust that is the legacy of the way Jane Fisher and Michael Scott-Joynt destroyed and defamed and drove me from my home town humiliated and destroyed.
Today was a triumph over their sickening exile of me from my home town and loved ones.

I walked up to the Broadway.
There weren't many people yet.
I got my wristband and I waited.
People began to gather. 
It began to get dark and the atmosphere began to build.
I was restless and excited as I always have been.
I got my firebrand, I was a bit too eager, I lit it while others were keeping theirs unlit.
 I realised I was too early so I put it out again.

I waited, and there was plenty of space to move around, and it got later, things were running late now, firebrands were being lit.

The crowd gathered and increased, and more people asked to light their firebrand from mine, the more people who ask you for a light for their firebrands, the luckier you will be.
And then we were off, walking up the hight street with our brands, looking back at the line of lights following.
I raise my firebrand high in the air and joyful as the flame burns bright:

Winchester, my heart, my home my heritage! 
Nothing they do can take you from my heart!
Nothing they can do can take you from my heart! 
Winchester, my Heart, my Home, my Heritage!

We proceed round onto Jewry Street,  the noise, the lights, the crowds, my heritage, my memory, all I ever knew. The crowds who split onto George Street rejoin us as we walk to the halted traffic on City Road and round down onto North Walls.

Those years ago, North Walls was free, but because of council regulations, they have to charge now. But it doesn't matter, it is still North Walls. We stream in onto the field, the floodlights partially light the field, and all around the edges are the food vans and attractions as the atmosphere builds and people begin queueing.
There is a sad empty space beside me for the people who used to be there with me, should still be there, but the diocese took them away.
But North Walls is immortal and beyond the vengeful rage of Jane Fisher.

The bonfire and fireworks are awesome, of course.
And then I head home.

North Walls of the past (scroll down the post a bit): 

 http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/anything-and-everything-and-happy.html#.VoVrt1LP7D4

I found a new dentist who has been repairing my teeth very well.

Then the world shattered.

Bob Hill collapsed, presumably with the stress of his battle with Philip Bailhache and the press and media and Church of England over my case. I had been begging him to back down and leave the case alone but Bob was a law unto himself. He collapsed and for a few days I didn't know if he was still alive or if he had ever woken.
In that time I kept a candle burning, the guiding light to draw him off the ghost roads, and I offered God my life in return for his. 
This song became 'Bob's Theme' as I waited to find out what had happened. All I could do was fight for his life in prayer and spirit. It is true he hurt me badly, but he had my welfare at heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nnw4STQMSc

 http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/guiding-light.html

When I saw Bob, he was awake, lucid and with some movement, he understood some of what I said but he had no ability to speak, which broke my heart as he had spoken for me, and had been speaking in my defence when he collapsed and I believe it is why he collapsed.
I wish him a speedy recovery. 
In his collapse he also saved my life again, because I ended up at the hospital with a blood pressure reading of 180/113. I didn't know how ill I was until Bob collapsed.
I have been under constant and severe stress for so long, my blood pressure has to be regulated and medicated, and as a result I am trying to live very healthily, with a vegeterian diet and no cows milk, regular diet and fitness appointments and trips to the gym.

I blame the Church of England for ruining Bob's retirement, they refused to give him a hearing on my behalf and went on and on attacking my life, so a good man ended up ruined.

The darkness and distress and horror went deep, and despite the state I was in, the NHS refused to help me properly, and I had been forced to stop seeing my therapist due to the church crisis and lack of money as the gardening season went down and I struggled to find replacement work while I was in the awful state that the church left me in.

I was missing the cranky old cat from the old house so I got a new pet, remember him?
 


I started a delivery driving job, which lasted a month. They overworked me and didn't pay me.
But I started it on November 24th and quit at 11pm on December 24th when they weren't paying me so december was so thin and horrible and they wanted me to keep working on Christmas eve and not go to midnight mass and they were rude about my faith. That is the tip of the iceberg, I never wrote it in the blog because I like you to think everything is OK as much as possible.
 My response to their crass behaviour on Christmas eve night? 'The Baby Jesus comes first you stupid f*ckers!'. 
I worked willingly even though they made me work all the time, changed my start times every day, and really were not nice. 
I have had so many instances in my life of staying in miserable and abusive situations, most notably in the church of England, that I am having to learn not to be afraid to break free quickly no matter what the cost. As my former psychologist said, I am easily exploited. I hate that.

Anyway, onwards into december.
  

December:

A positive start with a good needs assessment that recommended support and communication technology.
Then more worrying news.
My adoptive parents started having health scares, so my Mum couldn't come over and help me with the net curtains.

The car had a service and some work that needed doing was flagged up, so the car's best friend did some of the work.

I then made another journey. And as I said on the blog 'Road to hell' comes to mind.

I felt very sad that due to the people I was delivery driving not paying me, I was left unable to prepare for Christmas or help with shoebox appeals or toy appeals or anything, those things are part of my Christmas, but with barely enough money to feed the electric meter, I could do nothing.

My phone got broken and I had no money to repair it, which added to the chaos.

I managed to enjoy local carols and Christmas tree festivals and temporarily joined a church as I missed the church at Christmas too much.

To add to the thin and unhappy time, my friend who is terminally ill was deteriorating, and we didn't know if she would make it to Christmas. But she wanted me there on Christmas day, if she was still there. This was really hard to live with.

I had some early Christmad presents including a wonderful tv/dvd player from my friends who I did some work shifts for, as they were relocating.

Then my customers on the rural paper routes started giving me Christmas cards and tips, so I started to be able to feed the electic meter and get Christmas things.

I got conjunctivitis just to add to everything.

Then I was offered a local paper round that I can do on the blue bike, because I think the very early starts and distances and wear and tear may not be good for me and Florence, so a local round by bike may be easier.

I managed to see my Mum and a few old friends for a pre-Christmas visit although it was a bit rushed due to everything I needed to do before Christmas now that I had got a bit of money.
I am blessed that someone heard I was struggling and sent me paypal money just by having my email address. I didn't know people could do that! :)
Hint hint, feel free to test it out.

The Christmas tree got decorated on December 19th, much too late as far as I am concerned, I like a tree from the beginning of december, I like the lights and decorations.
I am very happy to have so many Christmas cards this year, coming out of the darkness and into the light again maybe? I wish I could think I can keep this life and continue to build but I live in fear of being destroyed, imprisoned and killed by the Church of England.

Despite everything, the Christmas atmosphere has been good, the delivery work and papers in the dark with the carols playing on the car CD player, the cards and the lights and the presents and the food in the end. And the tv and DVDs, and my foster-church.
I also went out for a lovely Christmas meal with my mates.

My friend rallied a bit in the week before Christmas and I knew she would be there on Christmas Day.

The weather turned bad just before Christmas. And the local party was dampened.

I had agreed to work on Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, NewYears Eve and Day and was surprised that they also put me on the rota for all other days without a break.
 On Christmas eve night things got too much, I was tired of the way I was being treated, and when they left me as the sole driver and tried to make me stay on and on and work after 11pm when I was due to stop and go to Midnight Mass, an argument broke out. 
I was left very upset but I quit. And I am glad I did, I won't be exploited any more.
 I was crying as I went to Mass, but I found the service comforting.
I got home at 2am on Christmas morning and slept peacefully into Christmas Day.

We had a lovely Christmas Day and my friend was happy, she enjoyed her last Christmas with all her family there, and they looked after me well and it was lovely. She made an effort to live to see it. Now she sleeps a lot and hasn't got long to live.

On Monday I went to spend the day with a disabled friend who is alone and without carers over Christmas, I cooked him a full Christmas dinner and we had a great day. So lucky me, I have had TWO Christmas Days! How greedy can you get?!

I have had a peaceful holiday of tv and DVDs, walks by the sea and quiet time here. I have been covering extra rounds for the paper shop though.
And I am already starting my next music course, I am self-taught at the moment but putting in for exams is easy. On Christmas Eve I got the results of the exam that the church disrupted, I passed. I also have my next wave of assignments for university to work on, and I am hoping the Church of England doesn't further disrupt my course.

 It is hard to be optimistic about 2016, I am under too much strain from the Church of England and other areas and I need to find more work. However, all I can do is try to hold my head up and face the future bravely and fight for things to get better. As I hope I have done this year.

Happy New Year everyone! :):):) Blessings and prayers for a better year all round.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPnhaGWBnys

Looking back at 2015 part 1, January to June

Well, let me reluctantly trot out highlights or lowlights of the year. This year has been a year of tremendous change for me, and also a year of terrible destructive trauma as a result of the Church of England and their press and media.

January. 

 
 Well Januaries are bleak, January 2015 was very bleak.

In January I was ill in a freezing cold house with no hot water or heating, I was very ill with chest infections, while a drunk antisocial person illegally moved themselves into the house without the landlord's consent while he was away, and I was threatened. I had no money and was ill and had just moved from another terrible lodging house that I had moved to in a hurry when my lovely flat was condemned (not this flat, the other one).

So, no money, ill and in an unstable situation, could it get worse? Well yes, the Deanery of Jersey decided they wanted their whitewash report released and decided to attack in the press and media again, leaving me destroyed and devastated all over again.

And apparently their reasoning was that 'The Dean wanted to see their carefully engineered report before his friend the Leiutenant-Governor sent him off on holiday to America for three months at tax-payers expense. He can't send him to the UK because as soon as the Dean resides in the UK he will be taken to court, but that is by the by. The attack woke me from my stupor to produce several Open Letters:

 http://www.opnlttr.com/letter/jane-fisher-safeguarding-director-winchester-diocese

 http://www.opnlttr.com/letter/open-letter-very-reverend-bob-key-dean-jersey

Another reason for the Jersey Deanry's renewed attack was that Michael Birt, one of the Town Church Clique and also the retiring bailiff in January, abused his power without stating his place in the church, to demand the release of the conflicted report done by his colleague, Dame Heather Steel.


Just reading through last January, I actually went to Winchester and served...presumably the 'Resign' letter on Bishop Dakin? Although it wasn't published on Open Letter until February 21st: http://www.opnlttr.com/letter/letter-jane-fisher-and-bishop-tim-dakin

During January 2015, I had decided that due to the horrendous poverty that meant I couldn't afford Christmas or a haircut or shoes, and which kept me in bad accommodation where I was abused and at risk, one step from rough sleeping all the time, it was time for me to return to work.
I was also, despite the circumstances, making some sort of a partial recovery from the severe trauma that  had meant I was unemployable.
Unfortunately my return to work was delayed and disrupted by the DWP/Jobcentre's refusal to support me or respond to my need for supported phased return to work.
 However, having decided to see if I was fit for work, I immediately started working in a Charity shop, a job that I continued for some months. This started to boost my confidence and get me out of the unhealthy house, which I was housekeeping for men who did drugs and drank and really couldn't be bothered to think about other people.

You can actually tell how ill and in a mess I was if you look at January's blog.

However, in January I got a music keyboard, a good one, and started to regain my music dreams, although at the time I mentioned that regaining anything from Jersey or before can cause trauma and despair because of what was taken from me then and how regaining any of it feels useless.

My bike was sabotaged in January, which made me sad, that someone could deliberately hurt my bike and put my life in danger.

In January I was still attending 'Horse Therapy' but it was very institutional and autocratic, and we weren't even allowed to touch the horses most of the time, we were just used to carry out stable tasks, and it was not the true 'horse thereapy' to help with emotions that I had hoped for, so before long I quit.
Most of my other activities had been stalled at this point by crisis, illness and lack of money, so no gym, swim, health and fitness or social activities, and unfortunately I let this lapse continue even when things got better.

February:

Now preparing to further my preparation for return to work with volunteer gardening, I was doing well working for the charity shop, and planning to donate the proceeds of my next sponsored walk to them, having changed the walk from the traditional pre-Christmas to start on Easter Monday instead.

I was obviously distressed and dispairing at this point and life was grim, but I proceeded in trying to improve it.
Throughout January and February I was ill, depressed and also suffering constant chest infections in the cold unheated house with no hot water.
Then things changed for the better slightly.

I managed to get a room in a house share in the town where I felt 'at home' having been forced to leave by my old flat being condemned. My friend helped me to move house and my adoptive mum came over to help with the packing, it felt like a really dark time was over.

I started to feel better and more hopeful now, and saw this as a semi-long-term move until I could get another flat or bedsit.
I also started using saline and tonic to try to get over the exhausting chest infections, and eventually they did clear.

My new houseshare had a cat, who became a great companion and comfort to me, although he had a wicked and sudden temper and would lash out for no reason.

There was an earthquake in Winchester, which, after the floods, should have given Bishop Dakin a hint, but it didn't. He is rather lacking in hint-taking ability.

February was unremarkable apart from the move to a better place.

March:

March blew in, and life changed again.

I continued to work in the charity shop while continuing to progress back towards work.
I began work on the volunteer gardening team, this was to see if I could ever regain the strength and proficiency to be a gardener.
 To my surprise despite finding the work painful and exhausting I made good progress and was usually left to work alone on the grounds of this prestigious local attraction.

The Bishop of Winchester was politely requested to provide me with a donkey for Palm Sunday because I believed he and the Church would kill me this year, after all, I was 33 and had spent three years wandering homeless and taking potshots at the pharisees in the Church of England. Sadly the Bishop has been all lala ears since I took him to court, and he didn't want to play.

My eagerness to work led to me working on my Birthday when I had a migraine because I was on a work trial, it spolied my Birthday, especially as the job was not suitable, it was a sweat shop job where I was the only English person, it was a massive vegetable growing plant, but it was nothing to do with horticulture really, it was more to do with production, the conditions were bad, the heat was dreadful and the conditions, such as geting there for 7am, were simply not meetable in my case before I started driving again.

However, I was not put off from seeking work, especially I was having such a harsh time with the DWP and was in such poverty.
 So I attended a job interview, was shortlisted but didn't get the job, but considering where I was coming from, the fact I was shortlisted and had such a good interview.

As another wave of damage from the DWP came, I quit benefits because the stress was making me so ill, and I proceeded to register as self-employed, merriting me a double load of stress from the DWP and HMRC. What a nightmare! However, I had no choice but to persevere, now marginally fit for work and simply not able to go on living in a kind of poverty where I couldn't afford clothes or shoes or a haircut.

 My church attendance was tailing off now because the trauma of the Church of England just got too much.

That is about it for March.

April 

I kept the tradition of the Passover meal at the beginning of April.
Then I went through the motions of celebrating Easter.

On Easter Monday I started my annual sponsored walk. The weather was ideal, warm and sunny but sometimes windy, so I got wind burned.
The walk helped me mentally as I was alone in beautiful landscape, in the lovely sunshine. It was harsh physically as my physical state is pretty rubbish.
My friend dropped me off, collected me, brought refreshments and encouraged me each day, and it was the best sponsored walk I have ever done.

I had a bad Grand National and a Bad Oxford and Cambridge race this year :( even worse that my boss at the charity shop was an Oxford fan and he told me there was no doubt that they would win! 

I continued self-taught music theory and practice and had lessons when I could afford it. My practice exams were distinction level.

I was now picking up work, gardening and holiday cleaning changeovers. 
And of course I started the immortal paper rounds, biking round town with my sack of papers on my back in the early morning sunlight, heaven.

I was having an ongoing bad time with dental work from a bad dentist but at the time felt so grateful to get any treatment that I didn't complaint, as our district has very little NHS cover.

That was all for Ap

May: 

The General election went ahead with dissappointing results, the CofE pretty much swing it by telling their clergy and staff who to vote for in the church propaganda rag. (Church Times).

May was quiet but for constant tension and fear about the Church. I continued to build up my work.

Now that I had some money coming in, I started going to car boot sales again. This made me happy, the luxury of actually being able to get books and odds and ends for myself felt amazing, you have no idea what the grinding poverty of living on benefits is like unless you have experienced it! 

 June:

This month I started being sent 'interview questions' as members of the public had only been hearing the Church's side of my story. This was interesting and all interview questions and answers are up on the blogs still.

Elizabeth Hall, the famous uncoverup leader and protector of abusers in the Church of England made a swift and silent exit in the Church's new trend of removing female safeguarding officers and replacing them with men.

I started another course of physiotherapy to help with my legs. It was very nice and the physio helped.

I was now sea swimming every day again.

And as I had done with previous houses, I was doing all the housework and care of the place, which was too much for me.
I was also going through the complex inaccessible university and student loans applications, preparing, despite the risk from the church, to start university.

Then more Church rubbish hit, and left me very distressed.

I backed Golden Horn in the Derby, but to be honest, that was a given.

Then I went away for a working holiday. It was hard work, it had good and bad elements.

At this point some worry and effort went into safely restoring me to having a full driving licence, which I had been afraid would never happen. What happened to me was that I had been on a Jersey licence when I was dumped destitute on the street in 2010, and my licence was lost or stolen on the streets, leaving me unable to resolve it as you are not allowed to get a UK licence without a permenant address and the matter was so complex that it couldn't be resolved.
Thankfully the licence was resolved this year after a lot of paperwork, stress and worry.

I guess that is all for June. You have watched me rebuild so much of what was taken from me,  within the first six months of this year, and unaided.

New Year's Revolutions

Good evening peeps,

I am resting in bed with a huge stack of pillows propping me up.

I stumble on my usual New Year's revolution, to convert the diocese of winchester/CofE to Christianity, as so far I am failing badly, they become more duplicitous and bigoted and out of touch with reality with every passing year, and sending them Bibles is so expensive. So I will give up on that one.

The difference between revolutions and resolutions is that you should keep resolutions secret like Birthday candle wishes, but revolutions are to share.

The revolutions:

• To go on fighting for good health and help
• To get some writing done (nice and vague)
• To be assertive 
• To study well and do as much in advance as possible to prevent the church trashing my course again with their silly press games.
•  To go on rebuilding my life if the church or their police don't kill me
• To tell my story, which will lead to the police and church killing me of course.
• To continue with my music

• To get a decent part time job to support me through my studies.

Well, to be honest, that is the extent of the New Year's revolutions. The next post may well be the look back at the year. Today's normal daily post was posted before this one on Life After the Diocese, and on The Anythings and Everything Blog the previous post was about coke in Cathedrals :)