Lets get rambling and incoherent for Macsas

Start with the non-macsas, to be annoying.

Dear Diocese of Winchester,

Is there any sign of the Bishop understanding the impact of his abuse of me yet?

And any sign of him stopping being a coward and stepping forward to end my suffering?

The thing is, the church have shown ultimate hypocrisy in this, destroying me publicly while protecting abusers to avoid scandal for the church.

When I was part of the church, and one of my youth leaders was convicted of child abuse at the school where he worked, but presumably not in Romania where he was also allegedly abusing orphans, the church tried to keep it silent in the parishes and disconnect him from the church.

But I didn't know about the church being corrupt and dishonest, I was naive. So I expressed my horror at the man who had led our youth group doing such terrible things.

I was damned and told that God would judge me the same as the abuser.

And to punish me further, the Korris rubbish whimpered about me being 'unforgiving' for speaking out on something that the church had tried to keep silent. That was purely a vindictive lie by Jane Fisher, by the way I haven't had a reply to my complaint about her yet.

But the church didn't publicly destroy Malcolm Eastlake, they let him feel forgiven and go on with a normal life.

While the church destroyed me for years, and for three of those years it was public destruction. And before that, it certainly wasn't secret as I was slandered round my communities and driven out. I can't live a normal life as a fugitive who is still attacked and put at risk over what the Bishop has done, and with no access to help because of the way I have been branded to the authorities.

Eastlake, the abuser, was told he 'was a good man really' and the 'church forgave him' but unfortunately the church are selective in who they condemn and forgive, and as yet I see no sign of 'forgiveness' for being a church abuse victim.

Destroying me publicly while I screamed and screamed for help wasn't forgiveness, it was condemnation and hatred and you didn't inflict it on Malcolm Eastlake, so why did you inflict it on me?

When the Bishop steps forward to show integrity and explain why he has done this to me on top of everything I have survived, would he like to explain why the church have treated me worse than a man who gets sexual gratification from children? Those children will be affected by the abuse for life, as I am.

The Bishop and Archbishop, with all their grandeuer and falsehoods to the press and media, appear to have no respect for God or a vulnerable human life.

The Church needs to be regulated so that lawless crooks such as Dakin, Wilmott and Welby would face immediate and proper police action for the kind of abuse that they have inflicted on me, and instant dismissal. They are not ordained by God, they are chosen by 10 Downing Street and the Queen, and nothing in what they are or do, represents Jesus or His teachings, it is a terrible sham, that in this day and age shouldn't continue at the expense of the vulnerable.

Please remind the Bishop that he is still abusing me by leaving me suffering and not taking responsibility for his destruction of me for and with the Jersey Deanery and the lack of investigation into what happened to me in Jersey, his silence doesn't make his liability go away, it simply increases his horrific negligence which is killing a vulnerable adult in suffering beyond bearing or healing.

JJ

Dear Charities Commission,

I would like to proceed with my formal complaint against Macsas. Please could I have the forms. I fit the category of a vulnerable client and former client of this charity who is speaking up about their misconduct. If I don't speak up, they may kill other vulnerable people, if they haven't already. Other survivors have shared their concerns about macsas with me.

I have had contact with Macsas, the 'clergy abuse charity' for just under a decade, and they have never behaved well or professionally, and have acted at all times in favour of, for and on behalf of the church of england, my abusers. Which is hardly surprising as one of the leaders of Macsas is also a church of england employee, and my experience is that macsas are akin to a branch of the church, and certainly in their siding with the church at all times and facilitating slander of me in the church times, this would appear to be the case.

The most recent incident involved a drunk male member of macsas alone with me, trying ignorantly to push the church of england's slander of me onto me, trying to uphold the church in their destruction of me as an abuse victim to cover their backs, and when I said what about my side of things, he said he 'had tried to read it but it was rambling and incoherent'.

Two points to make there, why if he didn't understand my story, did he continue to uphold the church's? Are they autistic and profoundly traumatized and psychologically damaged? No, so why does their story get macsas's priority, to the point where macsas nearly killed me by facilitating slander of me in the press? Why didn't this man and his colleagues, knowing of my disability, make the effort to clarify my case? After all, they kept involving themselves?

Why would anyone, try to force on an abuse victim, their abusers' side of things like that drunk macsas man did? Why would a charity for abuse victims behave like this? As if the victim was a fake and had no side to things? 

Charities commission, this link below is a rather angry but perfectly relevant description done after Macsas facilitated the church times, who had already slandered and defamed me for two years for the church, in continuing to harm me in the incident that nearly caused my suicide. This letter is from two years ago, and sadly under Macsas's biased eye, the harm to me has continued unchecked. They claim to care about mandatory reporting but have allowed a victim to be publicly destroyed on the abuser's word that the victim is mad and bad, would they survive being publicly destroyed if they were vulnerable and broken and abused? 

http://www.opnlttr.com/letter/open-letter-bishop-paul-butler-and-macsas

At the end of this email I also attach a letter to the macsas man who destroyed me when he was drunk, there is extensive reference to Frank Beck, because the macsas man decided to squash up to me in the pub, where he and his friends were drinking and I wasn't, and talk about Frank Beck, triggering dangerous flashbacks for me.

Macsas have yet to answer this letter and to answer my complaint, they have tried to set their solicitor on me, indicating that they have done wrong and know they have done wrong.

The damage to me by the church is horrific, the church spent a million pounds whitewashing my case, and macsas have upheld the whitewash at all times, even eagerly contacting me in 2013, forgetting to apologize for their horrific damage to me previously, in their eagerness to uphold what was essentially a church-centred, church-completed, whitewash of my case.

When macsas eagerly contacted me to thrust that horrific public attack of a 'report' onto me, they didn't appear to realize that a church version of events, carried out by a church member, without my side of things, and thrust into the press and media to trigger hate attacks, was not a report, it was an attack, and macsas supported this attack to me.

They failed, when contacting me to support the attack, to even consider the impact on me, and they also failed to apologize for breaking the law in 2011, by enabling my abusers to have my location and slander me out of all homeless services and outreach when I was homeless because of the church and macsas had refused to help me to restrain the church who were still harming me to cover up for their actions which had made me homeless.

As I write this, I recall the drunk macsas man telling me he 'glanced' at my emails about the church.

For four years the church of england have destroyed me publicly since the launch of that whitewash 'report' that destroyed me to cover up for the now removed rogue safeguarding official in the church of england who destroyed me to cover up for abuse of me, to protect the church's image.

I have emailed macsas many times about the situation, but they have only ever involved themselves in my case on behalf of other people, mainly the church of england, and have ignored anything I say.

Macsas really are not a charity for abuse victims, they are a branch of the church of england, a branch linked through one of their key members being a church employee, and his job, presumably, for the church and macsas, is to protect the church, warn them of victim's intentions and distress, and make sure no justice is ever realized.

That being the case, that has been extremely effective in my case.

So while Macsas have persistently been involved on behalf of the church, and harmed me, anything I say is 'glanced at' or treated as rambling and incoherent, as the drunk macsas man said as he rubbished me alone in that car park.

Is this letter rambling and incoherent? I am autistic and have survived, but barely, a childhood of severe abuse, an adulthood of being abused and destroyed to cover up in the church of england, and most recently a four year public smear campaign by the church that involved a million pounds of whitewash reports, lawyers, PR firms and press and media, all of that was the church's, I was alone and voiceless throughout. 

My writing, on my blogs and in books, is only as rambling and incoherent as this letter, the reality is that macsas were geared towards protecting the church, believing the church, not least because they didn't want to be responsible for their own atrocious failings, and so the man from macsas and his colleagues simply 'glanced' at my emails, and did nothing as I was destroyed.

Macsas, having involved themselves right at the beginning of the recent three year smear campaign and million pound whitewash, contacting me unsolicited with no apology for previous behaviour, to thrust the church's lying defamatory report that was made public in the press and media, then went back to ignoring me, no reason given, 'glancing' at my cries for help, and facilitating lies and attacks on me, such as that in the church times, the ignorance and danger of a man who claims he cannot see the victim's side 'because she is rambling and repetitive' is horrendous. The charity are obliged and should anyway, have some understanding of disabilities and vulnerability, and should never make comments like that, especially not after repeating her abuser's side back to her.

What Macsas have done, culminating in leaving me having a breakdown at the beginning of October as the drunk macsas man upheld the lies about me, blatant lies, ignorantly and stating them as if they were truth, without my side, is they have aided abusers in harming their victim.

The drunk man followed that up by rubbishing my side of things, now is this brief paragraph rambing and repetititve? Or do Macsas need some training and education regarding abuse and vulnerability and how abusers behave? From everything they have done to me, leaving me at the mercy of my abusers 'because I was homeless', enabling my abusers to trace me while I was homeless, driving me from homeless services with slander, bursting back into my life without apology to uphold the church's public smear attack on me, refusing my cries for help and facilitating attacks on me in the press such as the church times, with no objection to the attacks, especially the one that nearly caused my suicide, and then more recently rubbishing me on lies of my abusers and rubbishing my side of things, the drunk macsas man alone with me, destroying me over again and leaving me in collapse. 

Is that a good charity for abuse victims? No. It is one that has, throughout, aided abusers and helped them to destroy a victim.

I wake up from nightmares and in distress at the way macsas has treated me, and they have tried to set their inter-conflicted macsas-member solicitor on me rather than deal with my complaint, and as yet their solicitor's law firm also hasn't commented on this new abuse of power.

No matter what happens, a report will be produced and published that includes Macsas harming me. That is a very succinct and not at all rambling statement. But I would like the charities commission to deal with macsas first. The harm to me by the church has been bad enough, Macsas actively harming me, to the point of slandering me to my family and aiding my abusers in destroying me, is not something to be left any longer, even if they do think they can do as they please and hide behind badly behaved barristers and solicitors. No organization is above the law in the country, apart from the church of england, who truly are.

Macsas should not have facilitated the lawless church in harming me, the church were very capable of extensive damage on their own, and if you think about how macsas have blindly believed the church in my case, think about the hate attacks I have suffered and do suffer, as a result of the church's open vilification of me, it leaves me as a destitute fugitive, who at any time can be forced to flee, can't earn a living, can't claim benefits, can't have therapy or support, because their is no safety or permanence because of the church. I slept rough for years not just because of trauma, but to keep myself safe as macsas eagerly helped the church to continue to trace and destroy me.

When I went to Canterbury it was a leap of faith and hope, to hope to be part of, and support, change and justice for church abuse victims, I didn't know that a badly behaved macsas man would be there to drunkenly tell me that my life story was one of the worst abuse cases he had ever heard, before he destroyed me for the church of england and left me having a breakdown. If I had known that macsas would be at canterbury for the abuse protest, I would have known that the protest was a complete sham. Macsas would be there on behalf of the church, no other reason.

Macsas need to be regulated, they are very aimless, lawless, and dangerous, especially to church of england abuse victims as they are basically an undeclared and harmful branch of the church.

I will never recover from my recent experience at Canterbury, being destroyed when I couldn't take any more ham.

This is the letter I enclosed to the macsas man, macsas and the church who they work for, are silent about Bob's account of my case, because they can't rubbish him as 'rambling and incoherent' when they attack me in the church times or drunkenly in a car park:

http://bobhilljersey.blogspot.co.uk/2015/11/jerseys-dean-letter-to-archbishop-of.html

The other letter the macsas man was given after his attack on me was my psychological report, also attached.

I have attached the hill report as well, but it is heavy reading. A bit beyond Macsas' limited capabilities. Macsas can get about as far as reading the lines that the church of england send them 'This is what happened, please parrot this for us'. 

It is time for Macsas to go, I spent last night in nightmares over their harm to me, and woke this morning in severe distress. 

Macsas, this will be posted on my blog, you may rate it for rambling, incoherence, and any other criticisms of it not meeting your needs as a special cover-up branch of the church of england. I do not know how many other victims have been put off standing up for themselves against you and your employers, the church of england, but what I do know is that people who have not been drunk like your member at Canterbury, have told me that my work helps and inspires them and encourages them to speak out. 

I may never recover from your harm, but I know that I have and can go on overriding your attacks, because it is what the people who have given feedback on my blog says that matters, not your hatred and contempt on behalf of your employers, the church of england.

JJ - victim of the church of england and their macsas

Winchester

A letter to the Bishop of Winchester regarding his abuse of me and abuse of power in public office, sent CC the police, who cannot continue to withold action against the Bishop. 22/10/17

Dear Bishop Tim Dakin,

You are aware of my distress at your wrong behaviour, and you are aware of Bob Hill being forced to defend my life with his own, nearly losing his life, and being left severely disabled. As you are aware of this, and of your dishonesty in publicly destroying me, there is no excuse for your silence as I go on suffering. You have a duty of care, and your dishonesty against me publicly has not been resolved. So your silence is inappropriate and an abuse.

In 2013 you launched on me and you launched on the man who had me destroyed. I was street homeless, profoundly traumatized, and without any access to help due to your Diocese having me branded and driven from services that would have helped me. However, the man who destroyed me, who you also launched upon, had money, power, a home paid for by the church, lawyers, powerful friends in government, and all the tools needed to ensure that your attack on us both was turned solely upon me, and I was destroyed publicly for three years by him and his clergy and laity, and by you, as you scapegoated me to cover your misconduct in your public launch against me.

Your scapegoating because you were unwilling to be responsible for your wrongdoing, led to Bob Hill giving up his retirement to fight for me, his integrity and courage earned him 31 years in the MET police with a BEM for his work with the vulnerable, and nearly 20 years in the States, challenging the evil and corrupt men who you enabled to destroy me. Your dishonesty and cowardice cost a good man his life, a man who didn't wear frocks and stand in front of an elderly and narrowminded congregation as part of an untruth as you do, but a man who instead lived what Jesus preached and exampled while you treated and treat what Jesus taught and exampled with contempt, indeed what you have done is abuse, and 18 months of you continuing to preach and hold office after what you have done is a very terrible thing in God's eyes. You took my life to protect yourself, and you think you can represent Christ? 

In order to represent Christ, you have to take responsibility and punishment for what you have knowingly done.

In everyday life, if I am recognized, people repeat the church's hateful public condemnation of me back to me, because my side wasn't recorded to balance things out, each time that happens, I am destroyed and it nearly causes instant suicide, and will cause instant suicide at some point as I am worn down You are responsible, you had me destroyed over the destruction of me already carried out by the church.

What you have done against me is a prolonged act of criminal harm, abuse, harassment. 

Your predecessor, Scott-Joynt had already destroyed me for his failures, having me brutalized, imprisoned, left homeless, slandered to homeless services, my community, friends and family, but he died in denial but without being able to escape the fact that he had done wrong, all the applause for him on earth is worth nothing as his lack of repentance has taken him to hell. 

But you took everything he and the rogue safeguarding director Jane Fisher did to me and used it to publicly destroy me, spewing their side of things into every press and media without redaction, apology or mercy. You ignored my screams of anguish with a coldness that belies your more recent forced pretences of care, and you destroyed everything I tried to build, taking my life, friends, home, work, and most recently my university studies, because I couldn't sustain those things against your harm to me.

During the three years in which you had me publicly destroyed and hid behind your expensive PR firm and lawyers, spewing out discrediting lies about me and my case to protect yourself while I suffered beyond belief, you failed to make sure I had the same voice and PR representation, you had a lone homeless vulnerable adult destroyed, without apology, without redactions or corrections and without her voice being published in her defence, what you did was an ultimate act of cruelty and abuse, on a par with chaining a dog and kicking it in the face relentlessly, and yet the police would have been quicker to take action if you had done that to a dog, than they are being with what you have done to a human being.

The National Safeguarding Team's liaison with you to hush the matter up at my expense and defend your open abuse of me, has severely damaged me and invalidated them, they have reverted to your and their policy of silence to make the victim go away, a national church of england policy, but, it has not made your responsibility or the injustice go away. They should all have left their positions for aiding you in your attempt on my life and the cover-ups as well as behaving as they have, and putting a vulnerable life in danger and condoning your abuse. But you remain unrepentant, unpunished, and most importantly, liable.

Your silence will never make this matter go away, what it will do will make people ask why you were silent as I suffered, when your liability is obvious, and why you went on officiating without a conscience.

You remain obliged, if you are to go on officiating, to provide equivalent money and resources for my side of things to be heard in the press and media on the same level as you allowed my abusers and their supporters to be upheld in the press and media for three years. 

You are also obliged to remove the Korris report from online, state my views on it and offer a public apology and redaction, you haven't done so, and your fake apologies for the benefit of your back-covering press releases don't count.

You need to show integrity in explaining that your public whipping of me stemmed from the cover up of your rogue safeguarding officer who destroyed me to protect the church, while she was also a reader in your diocese, and although her wrongdoing was open, you ignored my complaints against her and didn't publicly flog her or anyone else who had harmed me, I alone was publicly horsewhipped for the church's crimes, on top of the church's cruel and remorseless destruction of me which the Korris report was created and shared internationally to cover up for and permanently shame and silence me.

I gather you were banking on my suicide in the first year, 2013, so that you could unchallenged destroy me in  death, it hasn't worked out, although I am living death, and I want justice before I die, and I hold you solely responsible for the whole matter. I want your resignation and I want police action against you. And I don't care that the church's vast interconflicted power and fear of the church has meant that the police and all other agencies and bodies have refused to act upon your harm to me so far, you have taken my life and left me living death, and you go and stand in church and try to preach about Jesus, when no risk assessment has been done on you for your callous severely destructive harm to me. You have shown such disregard for my life and wellbeing, despite all your incredibly hypocritical pretences, that, as I told the University of Winchester, no matter what their bias in favour of the church is, you pose a safeguarding risk to vulnerable students.

You also pose a risk to the vulnerable in any church-related organization, and children in schools, one of the reasons that offending by clergy is so prolific is that the church don't safeguard, and no organization dares to stand up to the church, and all of you abusive clergy can access the vulnerable easily through church-linked organizations, and that will continue until the church are regulated to prevent lawless interconfliction and clergy use of institutions for the vulnerable as unpaid brothels. What you have done to me is on a par with any clergyman abusing a vulnerable adult in those settings, no worse, most don't boast about their abuse in the press and media as you did while you abused me.

Your more recent safeguarding officer, Jackie Rowlands has exampled how nothing has changed in safeguarding since rogue safeguarding officer Jane Fisher, who destroyed me, left quietly without being subject to any embarassment for her conduct, think of that in the context of the way you destroyed me, Fisher broke the law with impunity to drive and hound me even after she had made me homeless, her actions would have driven most to suicide, just as yours would. You tried to ignore the complaint against her and allowed her to go on being harmfully involved against me in your destruction of me, until she quietly left, no defamation of her in the press as there was with me, nor too, was the real reason Bob Key left his position advertised, he was also lauded and upheld, not even held to account by the press and media who you destroyed me with.

Jackie Rowlands has tried to ignore my disclosure of abuse against you, tried to do as your staff and the national safeguarding team do to me and other victims, put the phone down and ignore emails. Safeguarding who? Well, the wrongdoers in the church, as ever. Jackie Rowlands in blocking me and upholding you, has, the same as the national safeguarding team, failed in her position, harmed a vulnerable adult and declared herself unfit to work with the vulnerable as she protects abusers.

On the subject, the police need to ask about your most recent police attack by the way. More questions about who set it up, and at what time, because your police attack was an act of harassment, based on dishonesty, you lied to the police, again, and on top of your police attack last year, leaving me homeless for the second time in a year, needs to be looked at very closely, the church do not have the right to be above the law or use the police for their own service, and you have lied to the police in order to entrap me to suit yourselves. You have used the police against me with impunity, adding to your destruction beyond anything a human being can cope with, and yet, they have so far, jumped at your orders and failed to investigate you or charge you with abuse. And they must now do so.

The damage that you and every complicit agency or authority have done in abuse, allowing abuse, branding me, and not stopping harm to me, is so severe and so compounded that there is no recovery, hope or future for me. Your dishonesty-based attempt to tell the police that I would self harm is absolutely ludicrous and hypocritical considering the callous way you have taken my life, left me living death and destroyed everything I built up.

Your safeguarding officer, Jackie Rowlings has been obliged to investigate and take action, and she hasn't done so. It is time for her to leave for a more suitable position that does not involve the lives and safety of the vulnerable, and it is time for you to stop hiding behind the other  criminal wrongdoers such as the Archbishop and the Bishop of Bath and Wells or your lawyers or PR firms or 'advisors', what you have done is wrong, criminally so, and it hasn't gone away and it won't go away, it is time for you to do the decent thing, make sure my side is heard, resign from ordained positions - the church are obliged to remove you but haven't - and make sure the police hear the full story of your abuse of me.

While I wait for justice and you to take responsibility, I suffer, and you know I suffer, and you know that you are responsible. And yet you have continued to officiate at services, and even show off in the press, with that silly posed picture of yourself. Narcissism and psychopathy are not pretty qualities and do not look good posed in the press.

Please don't keep me living death. Ultimately, as I have said to you, the best thing for me will be my death, because my soul is destroyed beyond healing, and if only the police had done their job and restrained you and your clergy and laity in 2013, I could still have lived, damaged forever, but I could have rebuilt, I know that because I went on trying, building, even as you destroyed me, but you kept on and on taking my life away, until it got too late.

You repeatedly made it impossible for me to continue therapy, I invested time, money and trust in that therapy, and to see it broken because of your agenda in destroying me and covering up for the church's wrongdoing was catastrophic.

Are you aware, as the police should be, that I intend to go to Dignitas because your three year abuse of me took my life beyond healing? And are you also aware that suicide is legal in the UK, as long as it isn't assisted? This being the case, why did you and Jackie and Jane and Graham act dishonestly over claiming I was harming myself? The police need to know times, who was involved, and why. Self-harm of any kind is not illegal, abuse is, and you have abused me. You destroyed me, now why didn't the police call on you to arrest you for assisted suicide when your attempt on my life 18 months ago should have killed me.

Now, the police must act. And bring this horror story to an end. The police have been told very clearly to stop harassing me for you, they have been told the consequences, and they have been told to deal with you. Your silence regarding your harm to me, and your persistent use of the police against me illegally and without question, is to be investigated. If you and the police continue to make me out to be nuts to excuse you, what about your psychopathy that took my life?

 Your turn to be beaten and imprisoned.

I sit here and suffer, and you really couldn't care less. Your silence says so, and yet you can attack me with the police in pretence of care. Enough is enough, and I have told the police so. The Church of England have harmed me since I was 19 years old, I had 17 years of the worst childhood possible, and then an adulthood of the church destroying me for their crimes. I don't want to live, I can't live, with what you have done to me, your blame and condemnation of me through whitewash reports and lies and press and media smears.

Do you really not comprehend what you have done, and do you really intend to continue officiating without bringing any justice to my case? You have had me publicly smeared, discredited and destroyed, for no apparent reason at all except to protect wrongdoers, and why was that necessary? I was already effectively destroyed, branded, silenced, and left homeless to die? The point of violently re-punishing me publicly escapes me, but it is abuse, it is a criminal offence. The fact that the national safeguarding team and Jackie Rowlands uphold you and have harmed me further and without mercy says that they uphold abuse, are a danger to the vulnerable and are without morals or conscience.

Make sure you answer me, and the police must contact you and start to deal with this now. Every day that goes by without justice and with me smeared and branded and a fugitive is a day that you are an abuser who hasn't been brought to justice, and a day that I scream in anguish and wait for living death to become death.

The whole 17 years of church of england harm to me, especially the million pound three year reign of hatred that you led against me, has yet to be investigated, and as you are the lead attacker and abuser, who gave every wrongdoer a voice against me in the press and media, how about you provide the same money and press and media for me to answer that attack for three years, and I will do to you and the people who you enabled to hate and smear me, what you have done to me, but what would be the difference? You all have homes, families, money, lawyers, stability and a foundation, I had nothing, you took my family, friends and community in your hatred, and I had nothing else, and what little I built, you took, you have taken my access to medical help, therapy, support of any kind. Living condemned utterly and without access to help, a fugitive, living dead, is no life.

Your victim,

JJ 

I can't for the life of me remember who wrote it...

But it is so frucking funny. That I have to repost it.


Waiting for HG

The media battle over the case of HG has been coming to the forefront of the news over the last year, largely as a result of proactive pushes by the church hierarchy in Jersey to obtain the Steel report.

Although it contained background information about the policy of chaperoning a churchwarden who was to tactile with women, and who was the subject of HG’s complaint, it has been widely seen that the Korris report was flawed in some respects. Not least of these was the inability of Jan Korris to interview HG herself, and yet to press ahead with the report regardless, basing HG’s testimony on emails from her to others; the obvious flaw in this is that it gives only one side of the story, and a highly selective one, as HG may have been angry in some emails, and those undoubtably were those selected to pass on to Korris by participants in the review both in Winchester and Jersey.

And while Korris mentioned that HG had been bound over to leave Jersey, and forcibly placed on a plane and left destitute in England, she failed to mention that this binding over to leave Jersey  could not have occurred had Michael Scott-Joynt decided to withdraw a complaint of harrassment, leaving just that of Bob Key, the Dean of Jersey,  standing.

The Bishop’s decision to published precipitated a crisis in which Winchester and Jersey were at loggerheads. This was not helped by the politicisation of the whole matter, which shifted the focus from HG onto the conflict between Bishop Tim Dakin and Dean of Jersey, Bob Key. Instrumental in this were Gavin Ashenden, Sir Philip Bailhache, and Bruce Willing, all of whom vilified HG.

Sir Philip wrote a letter to the Archbishop of Canterbury, and this seems to have involved access to confidential material, which he had been seen perusing on a plane trip between London and Jersey. Having blasted the passengers who had brought it to the attention of Deputy Trevor Pitman, as “malicious” and making them out to be liars, he finally grudgingly issued a statement in which he said he could have only had information in the public domain and not police records, and anyway he has been confused about which flight it was, and he didn’t really mean to brand the passengers “malicious”. It was a grudging apology because his position was untenable, but evidently he was amassing material to send to Canterbury in which he appeared to show not one whit of concern or compassion for HG. He even mooted the idea of an independent Diocese of Jersey. Such delusions of grandeur. A big fish in a small pond.

Meanwhile the Bishop had decided to take refuge behind a press agency, the rather pagan sounding Luther Pendragon, and commissioned two more reports by Dame Heather Steel, and Bishop Gladwin. Dame Steel, of course, as a QC, had met Sir Philip Bailhache, so could not be seen as impartial anyway. It may be remembered that in the UK, there were two attempts by the Government  to place conflicted persons in charge of an inquiry into historic child abuse, both of which folded under public criticism. It is not enough to be unbiased, there must be no suspicion that their could be bias, and in the case of Dame Heather, that certainly was not the case. Like Korris, she failed to engage with HG, but completed her report anyway.

The Bishop then decided to sit on the report, much to the chagrin of the Jersey church “rat pack” who were trying to get it seen to justify their position that Bob Key was a good guy – despite him admitting he made safeguarding mistakes – and Tim Dakin was a bad guy. A delegation led by the Chief Minister went to the UK, led by the Chief Minister, and with the Bailiff, the brother of Sir Philip, to get the report published but came away empty handed.

Meanwhile HG was asking for the report not to be published as she had suffered enough trauma already and it was destroying her life. Deaf and insensitive, the Jersey Church “rat pack” continued and no doubt will continue to complain., because until it is published, they can’t play their religious politics against the Bishop.

The latest development has been a sit down dinner with the Archbishop for the Dean and his wife, and an informal apology for all the hurt they had suffered, which was made public soon afterwards. It was only a supper, alas, and not the Last Supper, and no thirty pieces of silver for betraying HG in the first place.

Newspapers publish the story because it sells, and they don’t seem to be aware of the hurt it causes to HG, except as they can ask her to give “her side of the story”, and thus make a relativism of truth. The Bishop did send an email apology to HG, but still can’t leave alone as requested. And the Jersey Church “rat pack”, are still stirring the pot like the old hags in Shakespear’s Macbeth.

Where is HG in all of this? Like the play “Waiting for Godot”, her voice is not heard, and she is a presence of stage, while others strut their stuff and take centre stage.

end.

A letter send to churches in the Diocese of Winchester and the Police

A letter to the Bishop of Winchester regarding his abuse of me and abuse of power in public office, sent CC the police, who cannot continue to withold action against the Bishop. 22/10/17

Dear Bishop Tim Dakin,

You are aware of my distress at your wrong behaviour, and you are aware of Bob Hill being forced to defend my life with his own, nearly losing his life, and being left severely disabled. As you are aware of this, and of your dishonesty in publicly destroying me, there is no excuse for your silence as I go on suffering. You have a duty of care, and your dishonesty against me publicly has not been resolved. So your silence is inappropriate and an abuse.

In 2013 you launched on me and you launched on the man who had me destroyed. I was street homeless, profoundly traumatized, and without any access to help due to your Diocese having me branded and driven from services that would have helped me. However, the man who destroyed me, who you also launched upon, had money, power, a home paid for by the church, lawyers, powerful friends in government, and all the tools needed to ensure that your attack on us both was turned solely upon me, and I was destroyed publicly for three years by him and his clergy and laity, and by you, as you scapegoated me to cover your misconduct in your public launch against me.

Your scapegoating because you were unwilling to be responsible for your wrongdoing, led to Bob Hill giving up his retirement to fight for me, his integrity and courage earned him 31 years in the MET police with a BEM for his work with the vulnerable, and nearly 20 years in the States, challenging the evil and corrupt men who you enabled to destroy me. 

Your dishonesty and cowardice cost a good man his life, a man who didn't wear frocks and stand in front of an elderly and narrowminded congregation as part of an untruth as you do, but a man who instead lived what Jesus preached and exampled while you treated and treat what Jesus taught and exampled with contempt, indeed what you have done is abuse, and 18 months of you continuing to preach and hold office after what you have done is a very terrible thing in God's eyes. You took my life to protect yourself, and you think you can represent Christ? In order to represent Christ, you have to take responsibility and punishment for what you have knowingly done.

In everyday life, if I am recognized, people repeat the church's hateful public condemnation of me back to me, because my side wasn't recorded to balance things out, each time that happens, I am destroyed and it nearly causes instant suicide, and will cause instant suicide at some point as I am worn down You are responsible, you had me destroyed over the destruction of me already carried out by the church.

What you have done against me is a prolonged act of criminal harm, abuse, harassment. 

Your predecessor, Scott-Joynt had already destroyed me for his failures, having me brutalized, imprisoned, left homeless, slandered to homeless services, my community, friends and family, but he died in denial but without being able to escape the fact that he had done wrong, all the applause for him on earth is worth nothing as his lack of repentance has taken him to hell. 

But you took everything he and the rogue safeguarding director Jane Fisher did to me and used it to publicly destroy me, spewing their side of things into every press and media without redaction, apology or mercy. You ignored my screams of anguish with a coldness that belies your more recent forced pretences of care, and you destroyed everything I tried to build, taking my life, friends, home, work, and most recently my university studies, because I couldn't sustain those things against your harm to me.

During the three years in which you had me publicly destroyed and hid behind your expensive PR firm and lawyers, spewing out discrediting lies about me and my case to protect yourself while I suffered beyond belief, you failed to make sure I had the same voice and PR representation, you had a lone homeless vulnerable adult destroyed, without apology, without redactions or corrections and without her voice being published in her defence, what you did was an ultimate act of cruelty and abuse, on a par with chaining a dog and kicking it in the face relentlessly, and yet the police would have been quicker to take action if you had done that to a dog, than they are being with what you have done to a human being.

The National Safeguarding Team's liaison with you to hush the matter up at my expense and defend your open abuse of me, has severely damaged me and invalidated them, they have reverted to your and their policy of silence to make the victim go away, a national church of england policy, but, it has not made your responsibility or the injustice go away. They should all have left their positions for aiding you in your attempt on my life and the cover-ups as well as behaving as they have, and putting a vulnerable life in danger and condoning your abuse. But you remain unrepentant, unpunished, and most importantly, liable.

Your silence will never make this matter go away, what it will do will make people ask why you were silent as I suffered, when your liability is obvious, and why you went on officiating without a conscience.

You remain obliged, if you are to go on officiating, to provide equivalent money and resources for my side of things to be heard in the press and media on the same level as you allowed my abusers and their supporters to be upheld in the press and media for three years. You are also obliged to remove the Korris report from online, state my views on it and offer a public apology and redaction, you haven't done so, and your fake apologies for the benefit of your back-covering press releases don't count.

You need to show integrity in explaining that your public whipping of me stemmed from the cover up of your rogue safeguarding officer who destroyed me to protect the church, while she was also a reader in your diocese, and although her wrongdoing was open, you ignored my complaints against her and didn't publicly flog her or anyone else who had harmed me, I alone was publicly horsewhipped for the church's crimes, on top of the church's cruel and remorseless destruction of me which the Korris report was created and shared internationally to cover up for and permanently shame and silence me.

I gather you were banking on my suicide in the first year, 2013, so that you could unchallenged destroy me in  death, it hasn't worked out, although I am living death, and I want justice before I die, and I hold you solely responsible for the whole matter. 

I want your resignation and I want police action against you. And I don't care that the church's vast interconflicted power and fear of the church has meant that the police and all other agencies and bodies have refused to act upon your harm to me so far, you have taken my life and left me living death, and you go and stand in church and try to preach about Jesus, when no risk assessment has been done on you for your callous severely destructive harm to me. You have shown such disregard for my life and wellbeing, despite all your incredibly hypocritical pretences, that, as I told the University of Winchester, no matter what their bias in favour of the church is, you pose a safeguarding risk to vulnerable students.

You also pose a risk to the vulnerable in any church-related organization, and children in schools, one of the reasons that offending by clergy is so prolific is that the church don't safeguard, and no organization dares to stand up to the church, and all of you abusive clergy can access the vulnerable easily through church-linked organizations, and that will continue until the church are regulated to prevent lawless interconfliction and clergy use of institutions for the vulnerable as unpaid brothels. What you have done to me is on a par with any clergyman abusing a vulnerable adult in those settings, no worse, most don't boast about their abuse in the press and media as you did while you abused me.

Your more recent safeguarding officer, Jackie Rowlands has exampled how nothing has changed in safeguarding since rogue safeguarding officer Jane Fisher, who destroyed me, left quietly without being subject to any embarassment for her conduct, think of that in the context of the way you destroyed me, Fisher broke the law with impunity to drive and hound me even after she had made me homeless, her actions would have driven most to suicide, just as yours would. You tried to ignore the complaint against her and allowed her to go on being harmfully involved against me in your destruction of me, until she quietly left, no defamation of her in the press as there was with me, nor too, was the real reason Bob Key left his position advertised, he was also lauded and upheld, not even held to account by the press and media who you destroyed me with.

Jackie Rowlands has tried to ignore my disclosure of abuse against you, tried to do as your staff and the national safeguarding team do to me and other victims, put the phone down and ignore emails. Safeguarding who? Well, the wrongdoers in the church, as ever. Jackie Rowlands in blocking me and upholding you, has, the same as the national safeguarding team, failed in her position, harmed a vulnerable adult and declared herself unfit to work with the vulnerable as she protects abusers.

On the subject, the police need to ask about your most recent police attack by the way. More questions about who set it up, and at what time, because your police attack was an act of harassment, based on dishonesty, you lied to the police, again, and on top of your police attack last year, leaving me homeless for the second time in a year, needs to be looked at very closely, the church do not have the right to be above the law or use the police for their own service, and you have lied to the police in order to entrap me to suit yourselves. You have used the police against me with impunity, adding to your destruction beyond anything a human being can cope with, and yet, they have so far, jumped at your orders and failed to investigate you or charge you with abuse. And they must now do so.

The damage that you and every complicit agency or authority have done in abuse, allowing abuse, branding me, and not stopping harm to me, is so severe and so compounded that there is no recovery, hope or future for me. Your dishonesty-based attempt to tell the police that I would self harm is absolutely ludicrous and hypocritical considering the callous way you have taken my life, left me living death and destroyed everything I built up.

Your safeguarding officer, Jackie Rowlings has been obliged to investigate and take action, and she hasn't done so. It is time for her to leave for a more suitable position that does not involve the lives and safety of the vulnerable, and it is time for you to stop hiding behind the other  criminal wrongdoers such as the Archbishop and the Bishop of Bath and Wells or your lawyers or PR firms or 'advisors', what you have done is wrong, criminally so, and it hasn't gone away and it won't go away, it is time for you to do the decent thing, make sure my side is heard, resign from ordained positions - the church are obliged to remove you but haven't - and make sure the police hear the full story of your abuse of me.

While I wait for justice and you to take responsibility, I suffer, and you know I suffer, and you know that you are responsible. And yet you have continued to officiate at services, and even show off in the press, with that silly posed picture of yourself. Narcissism and psychopathy are not pretty qualities and do not look good posed in the press.

Please don't keep me living death. Ultimately, as I have said to you, the best thing for me will be my death, because my soul is destroyed beyond healing, and if only the police had done their job and restrained you and your clergy and laity in 2013, I could still have lived, damaged forever, but I could have rebuilt, I know that because I went on trying, building, even as you destroyed me, but you kept on and on taking my life away, until it got too late.

You repeatedly made it impossible for me to continue therapy, I invested time, money and trust in that therapy, and to see it broken because of your agenda in destroying me and covering up for the church's wrongdoing was catastrophic.

Are you aware, as the police should be, that I intend to go to Dignitas because your three year abuse of me took my life beyond healing? And are you also aware that suicide is legal in the UK, as long as it isn't assisted? This being the case, why did you and Jackie and Jane and Graham act dishonestly over claiming I was harming myself? The police need to know times, who was involved, and why. Self-harm of any kind is not illegal, abuse is, and you have abused me. You destroyed me, now why didn't the police call on you to arrest you for assisted suicide when your attempt on my life 18 months ago should have killed me.

Now, the police must act. And bring this horror story to an end. The police have been told very clearly to stop harassing me for you, they have been told the consequences, and they have been told to deal with you. Your silence regarding your harm to me, and your persistent use of the police against me illegally and without question, is to be investigated. If you and the police continue to make me out to be nuts to excuse you, what about your psychopathy that took my life? Your turn to be beaten and imprisoned.

I sit here and suffer, and you really couldn't care less. Your silence says so, and yet you can attack me with the police in pretence of care. Enough is enough, and I have told the police so. The Church of England have harmed me since I was 19 years old, I had 17 years of the worst childhood possible, and then an adulthood of the church destroying me for their crimes. I don't want to live, I can't live, with what you have done to me, your blame and condemnation of me through whitewash reports and lies and press and media smears.

Do you really not comprehend what you have done, and do you really intend to continue officiating without bringing any justice to my case? You have had me publicly smeared, discredited and destroyed, for no apparent reason at all except to protect wrongdoers, and why was that necessary? I was already effectively destroyed, branded, silenced, and left homeless to die? The point of violently re-punishing me publicly escapes me, but it is abuse, it is a criminal offence. The fact that the national safeguarding team and Jackie Rowlands uphold you and have harmed me further and without mercy says that they uphold abuse, are a danger to the vulnerable and are without morals or conscience.

Make sure you answer me, and the police must contact you and start to deal with this now. Every day that goes by without justice and with me smeared and branded and a fugitive is a day that you are an abuser who hasn't been brought to justice, and a day that I scream in anguish and wait for living death to become death.

The whole 17 years of church of england harm to me, especially the million pound three year reign of hatred that you led against me, has yet to be investigated, and as you are the lead attacker and abuser, who gave every wrongdoer a voice against me in the press and media, how about you provide the same money and press and media for me to answer that attack for three years, and I will do to you and the people who you enabled to hate and smear me, what you have done to me, but what would be the difference? You all have homes, families, money, lawyers, stability and a foundation, I had nothing, you took my family, friends and community in your hatred, and I had nothing else, and what little I built, you took, you have taken my access to medical help, therapy, support of any kind. Living condemned utterly and without access to help, a fugitive, living dead, is no life.

Your victim,

JJ 

Every day, waiting to die, because of what the church have done to me

Every day that I endure living after what the church have done, 

and wait for the next attack. 

This poem has a number of possible authors and is not my work:

The ship

The storm has been raging for so long now
Pouring rain, crashing thunder, howling wind
Beating down on this lonely ship
Searching for a place to call home

There was a time; it seems so long ago
The sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky
Looking up from the bow into forever
A gentle breeze, cotton candy clouds

But the storm slowly moved in
A few scattered showers and thunderstorms
Days of downpour, flashes of lightning
With shelter so hard to find

Rainbows still shone, beacons of hope
In the unlikeliest places
Vibrant against a backdrop of gray
A glimpse at the best of times

As the years passed by
The storms changed, getting worse
Getting better, and fading away
But they'd left their mark

A vessel is forever changed
When touched that way
And although you can rebuild
The damage has been done

Horrible storms had been forecast
For the not so distant future
But they wouldn't hit this ship
Not again, no more damage would be done

The ship will be protected now
Lost no more, tossed about no longer
Safe in a harbor to forever call home

HG Steel Polish

https://hgmaintenance.com/stainless-steel-surfaces.html

This description of Jane Fisher

The single most damaging person in my life.

By the branches broke like bones

Interesting reading

http://www.secularism.org.uk/blog/2017/07/church-of-englands-links-with-insurer-undermines-justice-for-survivors-of-clergy-abuse

Welby Letter 2017

19/07/2017

Dear Archbishop Justin Welby,

I am writing to remind you that there has been no investigation into what happened to me in Jersey and Winchester, and that because you have not carried out an investigation and instead have run a public smear campaign against me that included conflicted judges, police and other people in dual roles in Church and dignitary or power positions accessing already illegally influenced records, you have left more than one criminal wrongdoer in a position to harm others, and you have left me destroyed. And worst, you have shown very open bias, repeatedly meeting with the conflicted wrongdoers and upholding them, having never met with me. Do you think an Archbishop should behave like that?

No, especially not an archbishop who keeps shouting about safeguarding, an archbishop should be neutral and not interfere to uphold abusers, and it is shocking that you claim that things have changed since George Carey upheld Peter Ball, because all you have done is exactly the same as George Carey did, he, like you, believed that the victims could not possibly be right, because a 'Godly man' like Ball, could not do such things, and you believe that a 'Godly man' such as Bob Key, could not do such things, and you believe so on a million pounds of conflicted whitewash that didn't include the victim, and on your 'personal meetings' with the Jersey Deanery's conflicted dignitaries, having never met the victim, so you have left the Keys, Philip Bailhache, and Ian LeMarquand, in positions to offend again, and you have left your victim destroyed, having never contacted her, even in response to correspondence, and having never heard her story.

You firmly believe that police influenced by conflicted members of the States, Judiciary and Deanery of Jersey are right, and incredibly, after having my publicly destroyed and nearly killed, you thought your failed and disgraced national safeguarding team would pick up the pieces if I wasn't killed by you publicly destroying me.

I am still waiting for an investigation into my case, a balanced one that includes my side of things both on the abuses and cover-ups in the church and their dangerous attitude to the vulnerable from when I was 19 to the present day, and into your and Tim Dakin's public attempted murder of me and falsehoods with the help of your lawyers, PR and communication teams while I had no such support or protection.

But while the Church remains corrupt and lawless and unwilling to be held to account and not held to account by any body, and with integral lawyers, police, judiciary and other agencies, there is as yet no sign of the Church being held to account and made to safeguard.

And all of this while you continue to lie through your teeth about safeguarding in the church, especially when a victim tells the press and media how badly they have been treated by the church over abuse - you then trot out empty lines about how good safeguarding is, how much you care, and now you are actually advertising the openly complicit and failed National Safeguarding Team to this beautiful lie, even though victims are telling you and the press that the national safeguarding team are harmful, complicit, unpleasant and simply not acting upon abuse and cover-up, they are acting to protect you and the senior Bishops who continue the Peter Ball and George Carey tradition of cover-up on behalf of themselves and the dignitaries such as those in Jersey who you destroyed me for.

You have done to me what Carey did to Ball's victims, but incredibly you used the Ball report to strut and crow, as you do, with your fake safeguarding lies. Satan is a liar and the father of lies, and you are his most prized servant, your beautiful duplicity is incredibly, and I hope that you are asked to step down soon for the damage that you have done, indeed I pray so.

Peter Hancock who failed to act upon me being destroyed in my community of Winchester and who employed the dangerous liar Bob Key in an evangelism position after Bob Key had me destroyed repeatedly with the Church's blessing, with your blessing, is conflicted, unsuitable to be in a safeguarding position, and should stand aside to ensure that justice is done. And you should make sure that Bob Key is removed from the evangelism positions until there has been an investigation both into his harm to me and into the recent three year smear campaign against me and cover-up of the wrongdoing at my expense. Each day that goes by while I suffer and that man and his wife pose a danger to the vulnerable with your blessing is a massive safeguarding failure for which the church while have to account.

You appear to be having great difficulty understanding both why what you have done against me is wrong and why safeguarding in the church of england remains non-existant despite your boasts and PR stunts and use of complicit agencies to try to uphold and condone the non-existant safeguarding.

My case, in it's full and horrific glory, is the last word in safeguarding in the church, a decade of destroying, branding and nearly killing a vulnerable adult for the sake of the church's image, treating her like an animal and then claiming that safeguarding is good, having never even recorded her side of things. Then using the complicit national safeguarding team to try to pick up the pieces. Horrifying.

You need to act and put things right, or stop falsely using God's Name, and the Church of England needs to be supervised from the outside with urgency and immediacy.

sincerely,

JJ, the victim of the million pound Jersey and Winchester whitewash

Vital News

Please listen to BBC Radio 2 at 9am tomorrow morning.

It is about the Church of England and the main reason why they shit on victims and pretend to care about safeguarding.

Victoria Derbyshire will be interviewing several abuse survivors regarding the Church of England and their conflicted insurers.

Here's a few facts

No amount of prayers by people who have harmed me will either change their harm to me nor change me.
I am sure other survivors know how church idiots try to manipulate us through prayer.

What the Church have done does not go away through their cover-ups and denials.

Graham Tilby 'telling them off behind closed doors' is not an acceptable response to their wrongdoing, anyone involved in harm to victims and the vulnerable should be removed, or the church isn't safeguarding, if Tilby doesn't remove them, and even, in Bob Key's case, allows them to continue in positions where they can harm the vulnerable, there is no safeguarding.

The Church are taking too long to comprehend all this.

Safeguarding in the Church of England

29/05/2017      CC Tilby, Butler, SCIE, IICSA, Murray, Venables

Dear Graham Tilby,

I am writing again regarding my extreme concern over the Church of England's very poor, indeed non-existent, safeguarding, and the harm to me which you seem unable to address. I do not feel that I have a future or will survive or want to survive what I have experienced and I am suffering, but I would like to see things change before I die. I would also like, and have asked, for the Church of England to pay for my attendance at Dignitas to make my suffering shorter as I have been publicly and utterly destroyed by the Church's terrible safeguarding stunt gone wrong, the Jersey and Winchester whitewash.

You allowed me to be publicly destroyed, and incredibly tried to tell me that this was none of your business and you had no control over it. Allowing a vulnerable adult to be driven to suicide by public discrediting and smears is your business, it is a safeguarding issue, and if you didn't understand that, then you should have realised this and resigned, not gone on badgering me for a meeting as you do with vulnerable people - this is a grave concern of mine, instead of safeguarding, your job and your colleague's job is to force meetings on unwitting vulnerable people, making them feel that they are being listened to and something will be done, to meet Church targets and legislation and insurance needs rather than any care or concern.

This is wrong, especially if you badger someone into a meeting as you tried to with me, with all those emails full of fake warmth and sympathy for show after allowing and aiding my public discrediting. You have psychologically injured me and when you didn't get your meeting and I continued to complain about the open and glaring safeguarding failure of me being publicly destroyed and discredited, you battened down the hatches and have refused to act upon the massive safeguarding failure of which you were part and condoned. 

I am speaking up for the voiceless vulnerable and not just me, I don't know how many vulnerable people have been bullied into meetings to close their complaints down and meet insurance needs but it must stop, and you must address my case as I have been left suffering and knowing that you and Moira Murray condone my suffering and uphold the wrongdoers in my case, who all still have access to the vulnerable and pose a risk to them and have not been dealt with,

I know from the things that you said on the phone that you did not know what had happened to me and you were not interested, you upheld Gladwin and his upholding of the Jersey Deanery with the help of a conflicted Jersey advocate, you upheld Elaine Rose's illegal interference in the whitewash Jersey Safeguarding Partnership report that was set up between Jane Fisher and the police as part of the mutual absolving of wrong partnership that they had been running since 2008, and you tried to excuse what had happened to me in being publicly destroyed instead of addressing it. Not good safeguarding.

 You didn't get your meeting as you and Jane Dodds were unable to explain why you so urgently needed to meet me or why it was 'for my welfare' when you had watched and even taken part as I was publicly destroyed, after ignoring my anguished pleas for help for seven months and only contacting me during my public destruction by the Church, and for their sake and not mine, to tick boxes and close the matter down.

The Church of England do not safeguard, and while you have been part of this atrocity and have decided to stay in your positions while ignoring my distress because you were 'advised' to, thus further branding and shaming me, the Church of England can't safeguard. No matter what denials and condonement of wrongdoers you have made, the fact that you are still in your positions and refusing to respond properly to my distress and leaving me carrying the burden of the Church's wrongdoing, you are not safeguarding, you are covering up, you are condoning horrifying misconduct by senior clergy such as the Archbishop and Bishops, and while you do that, nothing has changed in Church of England safeguarding. And you should be ashamed of yourself for being part of this and leaving me falling under the intolerable weight of injustice and the blame for all of the wrongdoing that I have suffered and reacted to.

The whole of my adult life has been affected by abuse and prejudice in the Church of England and the most appalling lack of safeguarding possible, for which I have been made to blame. And for more than a year you have, by your actions and attitude to me, rammed that blame down my throat, you have taken advice from wrongdoers with the Church's interests at heart and not mine, and have made my suffering worse, as did your colleage Jane Dodds, who before she finished moonlighting as safeguarding caseworker for the Church of England and returned to her real job, inflicted the worst distress possible on me by upholding the church of england and their wrongdoing to me, excusing them and telling me that she and you 'wanted to make my life how it was before'. I cry when I remember such an awful crass thing being said to me after I had been unhealably destroyed.

And then after you and Dodds had finished chewing me up, upholding the harm to me and trying to badger me into a meeting, you didn't get what you wanted so instead of calling an independent inquiry - which you did discuss in order to try to get me into that meeting that you badger alleged victims into - you decided you would do nothing and leave me destroyed and suffering unhealably, you decided to ignore my calls and letters asking for my case to be referred outside the Church to an independent agency who would not be biased as you were against me on advice given to you and a one-sided Church of England version of my case. You and Jane Dodd's replacement have ignored my distress and in the case of Moira Murray, Jane's replacement, putting the phone down on me is the solution.

 There is no safeguarding in the Church of England and you and Dodds and Murray failed me and refused to refer my case outside of the church once you decided you wouldn't engage with me as you would not get your meeting. To make things worse, despite you knowing (or not knowing the true picture) of the police being used against me persistently and one-sidedly by the church to try to silence me, doing lasting damage, I have had the police on my doorstep ruining my life, another part of the new safeguarding failure routine, hound the church's victims with unsolicited and harmful efforts by the police to try to get victim statements, the same police who beat and imprisoned me for the church for years. 

I am not accepting the church trying to force me to be a sexual abuse victim and not a victim of very severe and enduring misconduct of which you have been part, condoned, upheld and excused, leading to lasting damage to me. My distress and pain will never be gone, and I have asked the Church who have destroyed me beyond healing to pay for my attendance at Dignitas, it would be the first humane treatment they have ever offered me if and when they agree. You haven't safeguarded me, you have failed me on the advice of misadvisers and a 'case file' that you boasted that doesn't include my story and you have upheld wrongdoers at my expense. You should step down, what happens to the voiceless vulnerable?

I believe that SCIE should make a freedom of information request, as should I, and look at that 'case file' and both they and I are entitled to copies of all the whitewash reports into my case. Unless the Church willingly provides those reports, something is very wrong with Church of England Safeguarding. Well something is very wrong with Church of England Safeguarding, but Paul Butler and Justin Welby, with no conscience or remorse for destroying me and leaving dangerous people such as Bob and Daphne Key in positions where they can access the vulnerable, intend to go on using safeguarding as a falsehood and a vainglorious boast for the Church of England in the public spotlight.

Bob and Daphne Key and other people involved in the harm to me remain a risk to the vulnerable and that is the clearest indication possible of your bias and unwillingness to safeguarding properly because you uphold and endorse harm to me and blame me, as you did in everything you and Jane Dodds did and said regarding the matter. You have behaved atrociously in pushing the blame onto me after failing to even contact me until asked to do so by the people who had harmed me, for their benefit.

It was clear that you didn't want to meet me to take my account of things or act upon it, as you would have already been acting swiftly against the wrongdoers had you been in any way willing to act, and one meeting would not resolve anything. I am horrified that you have tried to badger me into the meeting that you badger and bully vulnerable survivors into, without doing anything about the harm to me, and ignoring my cries for help before you contacted me on behalf of the wrongdoers, you wanted to meet me for the Church's benefit and not mine, and when I challenged you and your open repeating back to me of the mis-advice you had been given about how to respond to my distress when you provoked it with your crass mishandling of your part in the cover-up, you dropped me like hot coals. You horrify me, you have played a part in destroying me, you have upheld wrongdoers and you appear to think that this is acceptable and that the Church are protected while I will suffer until I die. Apparently, to you, that is safeguarding.

Would you please do as asked for a year and refer my case to a safeguarding body outside of the Church of England, make sure that they contact me instead of whitewashing my case over again, and then it really will be best if you and Moira Murray take stock of your terrible attitude to me and the damage you have done in protecting the wrongdoers in my case and upholding them while I have been publicly destroyed, and you should both step down and go to jobs where you will not be insulting victims by blaming them and their distress and upholding wrongdoers.

And don't forget the request for me to attend Dignitas. If you really think that I am worse than abusers or Bishops and Deans who destroy the vulnerable, if you really think that I should go on carrying the vicious branding that the Church have inflicted on me through police, press and other authorities, I don't want to live. I don't want to live in a world where people like you uphold evil from an organization which still stupidly and emptily uses the Name of Jesus' for limitless abuse of power and destruction of the vulnerable. 

I don't want to live enduring Justin Welby's lies in the press and media when my destruction is the reason he shouldn't be there to lie any more, but no authority stands up to the corrupt and Godless Church of England, you are even having a fake safeguarding audit done, one in which my case is carefully airbrushed out, lied about, so that the Child abuse inquiry's strategic delay for Welby's sake can be used for the PR campaign over the fake audit presumably.

I don't want to live in the same world as the church of england and their use of the word 'safeguarding' to mean self-glorification and cover up, while I suffer and suffer with no relief and no way that there very can be relief because you uphold what has happened to me, you condone it, and you blame and shame me for my distress.

Let me know when you are willing to deal with the wrongdoers and abusers in my case and take away the burden of shame and branding that I carry. Let me know when you and Moira Murray are willing to fulfil your title and record my story and redact the public discrediting of me by the Archbishop and Bishops and apologize for your failure to contact me until they demanded it on their behalf. Let me know when you stop taking mis-advice that puts the blame on me and when you are willing to record my side of things. If you can't do any of this, step down because you are not safeguarding, you are taking part in harm and abuse of a vulnerable adult. Probably more than one.

Finally, remember to 'advise' your church that reaction to sustained harm by the Church is not a 'mental illness' whereby the victim can be discredited. Advise yourself this as well.

JJ/HG        - Victim of the massive Jersey and Winchester safeguarding stunt, smear campaign, whitewash and discrediting