Bob Hill has been mentioned in a previous post about what happened in November.
guess I want to balance that negative post. I had to post it because
what happened in November was awful, and no-one knew my side of it.
is a good, honest, caring man, he fights for social justice in Jersey,
the only problem being that he and Mike Higgins haven't quite got the
hang of getting permission to make representations and referrals of
people, which is really important, examples being that Bob and Julie and
Christine Daly went behind my back to make arrangements and that
collided disasterously with the Diocese doing the same, with the end
result of me being very hurt and angry and no help at all being
arranged; and also Mike Higgins repeatedly causing me pain by bringing
my case up in the States and meeting cover ups, untruths and libels of
me which I was unprepared for.
Bob got his BEM because
of his work with vulnerable people, and he continued the good work when
he returned to Jersey after leaving the MET police and becoming a deputy
in the States of Jersey, he has been a voice for numerous vulnerable
people in Jersey, and if only I had known him while I was in Jersey, he
might have prevented what happened in the end.
with Bob trying to represent me included the sheer disstance, basically
we needed to talk face to face and hardly got a chance to, and with me
being on the streets, skype was not a viable option most of the time, we
tried skype but the signal would go, even when I had somewhere safe to
Another problem was, it was a big and complex case, made
worse by the untruths spread by the Jersey Deanery about my past, so
that I spent a huge amount of time trying to explain myself about that
and never overcame the blank trauma enough to tell Bob my story in
Jersey, and Bob chose to believe the Korris report over my story, and
repeatedly told me that my side of what happened with the police didn't,
sadly my police records, already distorted by incorrect police
recording, were open to abuse by wrongdoers involved, but I told Bob the
truth and there would be no point in my lying, but he couldn't accept
Bob's involvement of Julie in confidential
matters and as if he worked inseparably with her on my case, without my
consent, and apparently with Gladwin and Daly's influence, meant I felt
demoralised and as Julie insinuated I was in the wrong in Jersey, I
realised I was betrayed. But Bob didn't see fit to apologise and
instead, blamed me.
Bob's blogs are very good, but as
well as traumatising me, they are not entirely accurate and tend to give
his view, what he has heard and read, and debates with other people
such as the Home Affairs Minister who is a reader in the church in
Jersey, and a friend of the Churchwarden's, according to the
Churchwarden. So how could his answers be accurate.
without any doubt whatsoever, wanted something done about the
injustice, he wanted people to be accountable and he wanted what was
best for me.
Sadly the obstacles he faced included the case being
so complex that he regularly forgot or omitted facts I told him, he sent
information to Gladwin and Daly that would not be helpful and he had
not been asked to send, he was also, and most importantly, up against
super-powerful members of church/state/judiciary/church, who are
apparently infallible, invincible and able to get away with pretty much
anything they like, as well as being able to get people like the Dean
let off without question.
I believe Bob worked very
very hard to try and help me, and he took a lot of flak trying to defend
me, and I am very grateful to him, I was badly represented by the
Korris report and then smeared by the Jersey Deanery while the Diocese
stood by like a leaderless and frightened flock, not knowing where to
turn and certainly not supporting me. I took some of that nasty flak and
libel and slander directly, Bob didn't divert it all, and it has
wounded me that people who do not know me, and never met me were
self-righteously judging me and condemning me even on church websites
such as 'clerical whispers' and 'Thinking Anglicans' (now there's an
Bob, with his firm stand on my side, was a
pillar of strength and hope, while we waited for the Church of England
to make good the damage they did, sadly they let us down, but Bob's
efforts were great, it is just a tremendous pity that he could not take
my full story, face to face, and the poor man didn't really really
understand me himself.
In the beginning, he told me he
didn't understand mental health, he wasn't medically trained, it took a
long time and lots of information and my psychological report for him to
understand, hopefully, that I was not 'seriously mentally ill' as such,
but that autism combined with very severe trauma and psychological harm
from my background is what lead to me going mad under the terrible
pressure I was under in Jersey from the backlash when I was still in a
very bad way from being regressed and abused in Jersey.
fact I was left regressed and childlike after parting company with the
abusive churchwarden played a big part in things, and is omitted from
Korris, but being regressed and abused and facing the backlash was
simply too much for me after my background of severe violence and
trauma, this, in a small community like Jersey, a complaint against a
well-connected churchwarden. I was treated very bad. And so called
'Christians' on websites and in the Church, who have judged and
condemned me publicly and to Bob, should be ashamed of themselves,
shouyld try going through what I went through with the conditions I
have, and see if they do any better.
Bob has put in
hundreds of hours of epic work in trying to help and defend me, but the
distance and the fact he needed the full story and couldn't get it,
Bob's blogs are admirable in that he is
very honest and balanced and set a good example to me, he set a good
example in manners, honesty and courtesy, which actually encouraged me
to try to be the same, notably in my dealings with the diocese, Bob's
way of being polite and understating things, as he frequently does, led
to me sometimes doing the same, although not always, because I am me,
and I am angry about how I have been treated. But although my letter to
the Jersey Deanery was all my own work -well, actually I asked the Holy
Spirit to show me what to write, I did base my style of writing on
Bob deserves a medal, so it is hardly surprising that he has one.
once tried to nominate Philip LeClaire for a MBE medal for his similar
great work, but was quite puzzlingly shunned and treated quite rudely by
other people who I asked to support that nomination, which remains a
raw mystery to this day).
Julie described Bob as
pragmatic, and said it was a good thing he was because she and I
weren't. I am not sure what the word means, I think it is unemotional
and stable and calm.
Bob is very calm and did not seem to
understand when he calmly told me terrible and worrying and traumatic
things, that I could not be calm, because the trauma I had suffered and
was suffering, was too much for me, Bob not being on the receiving end
of the Korris, Gladwin and Steel reports did not seem to grasp how
injurious these reports could be to a vulnerable and struggling life,
especially as the Korris report did me so much harm, and the Steel
report was to destroy me on behalf of the Deanery, and the Diocese were
refusing to stop it.
Bob is a lovely kind man, very
solemn and serious though, one of the main things that helps me to
communicate is humour, and Bob was very much a policeman, politician, he
couldn't work with me through humour as notable others have and do, but
Bob is one of the most genuine, kind and altruistic people I have ever
met, and I have met a few.
The November issues and
their lack of resolution meant that I couldn't trust Bob, because the
level of damage done meant that I could not risk that happening again
and could not risk letting Bob involve other people and cause more
disasters. His comments about me not having many friends and not
trusting people infuriated me, he does not understand that until the
reactive attachment disorder is treated effectively, I have to keep
people at arm's length or I hurt them, that is a horrible reality, only
people who can not get emotionally involved and can trust me to look
after myself, and can stay calm if I get upset, can stay alongside me
now, sad as that is. And as for trust, it goes without saying, I can't
not have a trust problem after everything that has happened, and Bob
needling about it does not help.
Bob is a good man,
credit to him for every single thing that he has done for me and for
others, including the fact that he looks after his lovely wife when she
is not well.
God bless him.