Friday, 4 October 2013

Looked-after rough sleeper

I have heard so many myths about my life since the Korris rubbish was published, mainly comments on Jersey blogs and utter inaccuracies in the press.
I have heard myself described as 'foraging lonely for scraps' and 'On the streets of London' etc. As well as much worse things and lies about what has happened and lies about me.

I do not respond well to being over-looked-after, which is what the church of england people who have helped and abused me have done, heavily over-involved themselves and tried to meet their own needs through me, although sometimes they were quite altruistic, their own problems and needs meant that their involvement with me was harmful. In my current life I receive non-intrusive care from stable, balanced people and feel very safe in that care, and it has shown me, miraculously that I can still love and trust.

So what is my life really like? what am I really like?

Until a year ago, I was a travelling rough sleeper, trying to stay beyond the interference of the Diocese of Winchester, which the police refused to prevent. Now I stay in one area and pray with all my heart for the Diocese to leave me alone. I am 'supported' rough sleeper, you have heard of 'supported living', well someone invented 'supported rough sleeping' and it works well while I can't live indoors.
I do wander still and I am ready to up sticks if the diocese voilates my life directly or indirectly.

well, here is the general view of things, each day is different:
I wake in the early morning, make sure no-one is around to see me move, because even if they see me lying on the ground wrapped up, they would assume I was a bloke until I got up and moved, and if the wrong person knows there is a female rough sleeper, that could cause a problem.

When I get up I stash my bedding, drink water, use the loo, brush my hair and use some mouthwash.
Then if I have fuel, I light the stove and brew tea and heat water to wash in, if there is no fuel then I may wash in cold water if I need to, I have to do the more private bits of my wash in the toilet, wet wipes and deodorant, but I wash every day, and everything gets washed. I do not look like a rough sleeper, if a rough sleeper looks rough, I am washed and fed and basically have good quality of life for a rough sleeper.

Anyway, once I am washed in the morning, or if there is no fuel for the stove, I go down to the cafe, yes even if I have just brewed tea, unless I am running late, or have no money, in which case no cafe, the attraction of the cafe is internet access, so I can start my day's computer things.

At the cafe I check my emails, check my blogs and other people's blogs, update my day to day blog, start my interactions with my friends on the Christian forums, ie, chat about how things are, pray for others, post prayers etc. I also check the weather for the next 24 hours so I can plan my day and night, I also read the papers at the cafe and catch up on news.

After cafe, or after my wash if I am late, I go to breakfast club/pastoral care. I get some good hot porridge and a chat, and I am given some food for the day, sandwiches and things.

What happens during the day depends on the day, on Monday and Thursday I go to a church coffee morning, on Thursday that includes a knitting lesson for me, on Tuesday I go to a special needs group for coffee, and sometimes a light lunch, On Saturday I have lunch with the same group, There are various church activities during the week that I either join or make use of the church and kitchen while they are on, I can get cups of tea and sit and do my homework or use the church toilets to get a wash while the church is open, and three nights a week I go to evening classes at college. I help out as an extra pair of hands at various church things as well.
I also make a lot of use of the library for internet blog work, Christian forums, writing, emails and other computer activities.
Life is quite full, and Sunday is the best day of course, the whole morning and sometimes part of the rest of the day is taken up with my church and my beloved church people, it is a lovely time, full of love, and the afternoons are often spent relaxing and reading and drinking a lot of tea.
I am on a volunteer register but despite the good in my life, the instability of life and the last six months of the diocese hurting me means I have been limited in capability even more then usual and so I haven't been doing much, although I am preparing for my annual sponsored walk.

So that is the life I lead, it is certainly not the conventional rough sleeping life of doorways and begging, I have never been like that, my life is more like an extraordinary version of an ordinary life.
In some ways, I have better quality of life than I have ever had, and this is why the diocese of Winchester's onslaught is so terrifying, because I know that they can wipe this out as they have wiped my life out before, and this time it is very worrying, because this new build of my life has been hard-fought and is precarious in the face of the danger of the diocese and police. It is also a life built on dissociation from the diocese and fear of the police and the record I will never come to terms with, it is a life built on a devastated bomb site of the old life, but it is a life where I know my people and they know me, people who greet me in the street or have a cuppa with me, times where I stay over with friends and times where we have a great time at church events, precious fragile new life, in eternal danger from the diocese of Winchester and the police.

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