This film script by Ms. Wanman is also known as 'How to write a farce'.
HG sat by the Great Ship Bay with the blue bike. HG was watching the Solar eclipse, although she couldn't really watch it because of the cloud.
The blue bike was muttering about looking like a lump of mud.
HG was wondering how to continue the re-enaction of Jesus Life when she didn't have a donkey for Palm Sunday, 'It's not fair, the Church of England has so many donkeys and they won't lend me one'.
The blue bike liked to pretend to be a horse, but it drew the line at being a donkey, huffed crossly and reminded HG that only Lou Scott-Joynt illegally rode her bike in the Cathedral Close and on the precinct, and because the police in Winchester are the Church's private mafia, Scott-Joynt could get away with it but HG couldn't.
This was true.
Applications to the Bishop for one of his donkeys to be borrowed for Palm Sunday failed, as the Bishop had promoted them all to legal and safeguarding positions to that they could assess the Steel report and give it marks out of ten.
When the Bishop's solicitors, Batty-Broadbent, were questioned on this matter, they denied all knowlege, because although the Bishop claimed that he had legal and safeguarding experts reviewing the report, his solicitors and all genuine safeguarding officials knew nothing about it,
while those assessing the Steel report got worried because they didn't know what it meant but they knew that Steel, Philip Bailhache and others had acted illegally and were afraid to tell the Bishop that he would be arrested if he published his obviously illegal actions.
Unbeknown them, the Bishop already knew this, hence getting his donkeys to assess the Steel report for 10 years, thus keeping them in employment until everyone forgot the Steel report and it was dsposed of in secret by shredding it and using it as communion wafers, this had the bonus of killing off all the old people, because the diocese of winchester is progressive evangelical.
The Bishop also hoped Steel would pass away in the meantime so she wouldn't object.
So, the Bishop refused HG a donkey as they were all so busy.
Hg was not impressed, having done the being 33 and travelling homeless persecuted and scorned by Church Pharisees routine, how could they skip the donkey ride before crucifying her on a Steel Cross, not fair, the whole plot was unravelling!
The Bishop decided he was going to do a minor crucifiction and only release parts of the Steel report that didn't implicate him as party to a crime. But it was difficult to disentangle the parts of the report that he needed, as the whole thing had been written very cleverly to stitch HG up and absolve wrongdoers of blame, which was a repeat of a repeat of a repeat in the Jersey matter, and HG was autistic, and objected to being stitched up when she had no physical injuries and the wounds that needed stitching were emotional and psychological.
And on the subject of psychology, HG had really smashed the diocese in the teeth when she produced a psychological report from treatment starting before the Korris rubbish was released, that refuted the Korris rubbish.
And those who still don't know, the Korris rubbish omitted Hg's views, and the Bishop lied to a court of law and claimed that efforts were made to include HG, which is not the case as HG was traced AFTER the report was published, and her amendments were not included when she was traced AFTER the report was published. The report was never amended but was left online and given to the police and press as if it was fact, and not removed until HG took the Bishop to court. The report remained in the Diocese's archives until recently, when it was removed, presumably to cover the Bishop's back when he publishes the conflicted Steel report, or it was removed because HG made a formal complaint against Korris. Funny how the loud and proud cover-up report that they spewed all over the press so HG was slandered by strangers and attacked and driven out, was removed so quietly, not a word.
So anyway, none of that produces a donkey, so HG applied to the tribunals, complaining that the Diocese had scourged her and and were crucifying her but there was no donkey to get to Winchester on. The tribunals were typical church, so they told her they would be in touch in a few years time.
Meanwhile someone told HG that her weight would be so unfair to the donkey anyway.
This whole crucifixion business was really unravelling, but HG had watched Evan Almighty so she knew things would be OK.
HG asked Jesus where her donkey was.
Jesus said 'Remember, if you try to reconstruct a situation, the strengths and weaknesses are reversed'.
And Shrek emailed saying he could not lend donkey as he would go mad with the peace and quiet.
And so, that Easter, the Bishop of Winchester was crucified on his cross of Steel.
And while they tried to work out how to hammer nails into a Steel cross, HG went round letting all their car tyres down. Something you couldn't do in Jerusalem 2000 years ago, which is why St. Peter cut people's ears off instead, totally impolite in this day and age.
If anyone reading this would like to donate a donkey for the day, I will walk alongside it to the Cathedral on Palm Sunday in protest at the way I have been treated by the Church of England.