Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Anything and everything and happy memories

Just to comment on the last three posts.
I was not abused at college, not sexually, not by the staff.
I do not make abuse up, if abuse happens, I say so, if it doesn't I do not.
I didn't have any sexual relationships at college, I had innuendos and sexist comments from students, but that is almost normal from young males, especially when they are bored.
I was the only female on the first diploma in forestry and countryside, and one of only three females on the national diploma.
I saw the staff at college, who were all mainly male due t othe type of college it was, as the adults who knew all the answers and reassurance.
I did not, and still do not really, know how to relate to people as adults or be an adult in relationships, I tend to see the other person as the adult in friendships, and my friends tend to be older than me.
The college has changed, it was once an agriculture and countryside college, male dominated, now it specializes in animal care and equestrianism, and is much more female populated.
Things did get better eventually, in my life, although I was never well off or successful, but, lets return to happy memories, by popular request.

Trinity Centre Collections:

The Trinity Centre was once a well-hidden building in a side road by the Station Roundabout near where I used to live.
Someone I knew and got on well with in church held a position in the Trinity Centre, and I talked to him about helping out there, but I never got around to actually applying to the centre itself for a role, I had many other volunteering roles at the time.

But this person from church asked me if I would like to help with a street collection for the Trinity Centre in Winchester City Centre one Saturday.
Street Collections are quite demanding for me, because it involves interaction with the public and usually being in a crowd.
But anyway, I did this street collection, standing there in town, holding my tin and smiling.

It went well.

And all the years later, I had to use the Trinity Centre, only to have the Diocese violating me there and at the nightselter, and giving me a bad name.
By then there was no sign of the person from church who used to be involved, the whole thing was like all my old world and good character and usefulness washed away, and I was using the centre I had been so keen to support, and was given a bad name and violated there by the Diocese.
Well, at least I was once able to help them, back when I was human and valid.


North Walls:

This is a great memory, it goes back to those early days in Winchester.
The Winchester Bonfire Carnival and Parade, as it is now called. Run by the Round Table.
We used to just call it 'North Walls'.

I had never seen anything like it, my Mum and Dad were so against carnivals that when I was young, they wouldn't even let us look out the Window at one going past.
They said that carnivals were spirit worship.

But I had to break away from some of their beliefs when I left them.

That first November was both amazing and a bit scary for me, the flaming brands scared me. But this became part of my life every year, a lovely part.

The parade starts down by the King Alfred Statue, people start gathering early, and then the vendors come along with the trolleys full of light sticks, light rings, sparklers and of course, fire brands.
The roads are closed and the band starts preparing, people begin to crowd, fire brands are lit, and the fire engine comes through.
Eventually it is very crowded and barriers are in place so that the band and fire engines can line up, the police are there, controlling the crowds.
Then the parade starts, the band, the stilt-walkers and jugglers, the fire engines. they start to move up through the town centre, and people begin to follow, up through the town centre, with a lot of people turning off onto George Street, it is an awesome sight, believe me.
You look back and thousands of people carring flaming brands in the dark are behind you, all the way down to the Guildhall, and more beside you and ahead of you, with crowds coming through off George Street too, you have to keep looking back as you pass the library and head onto North Walls, it is awesome to see!

The cars at the junction have been stopped, and it must be awful for them to have to wait while thousands of people flock past, or maybe it is fun to watch.
Some people head down Hyde Street and through the back roads to the recreation ground, but most go down by the Leisure Centre eaither side of it, down across the River, and onto North Walls Rec, where I used to walk the dog so often.
But no dogs there that night, not with fire and fireworks everywhere.

People spread out across the rec, most fire brands are burning down now, and being discarded.

There are fairground rides, and stalls selling candy floss, popcorn, hot dogs, jacket potatoes, and tea of course!

People wander round the stalls as the crowd continues to arrive, streaming in across the rec.
The round table volunteers shake buckets for donations as they do not (did not) charge anything.

Fireworks are going off in other places nearby, and that adds to the atmosphere.

The field is partially lit by bright white lights, but over behind the barriers, the bonfire is a gigantic dark mound, almost as big as a house, with shadowy mysterious figures working in and around it.

The Radio station presenting the fireworks display is blaring, speaking to members of the public, keeping people entertained, maybe.

The crowds begin to flock to the barriers, it is always a long wait in the cold, first for the bonfire to be lit, and then the fireworks.

Eventually the Radio DJ gets people to count down to the bonfire being lit, and it lights, and is so hot that you can feel the heat from the barriers, and so bright that it lights up the field.

The children are always restless and trying to get a better view, which makes me nervous as I do not like physical contact and being bumped and pushed by children who are trying to get to the front.

Anyway, after a long cold wait, it is time for the fireworks, the DJ makes us count down a few times, which always annoys me, why do we have to do this?
Anyway, the fireworks begin, accompanied by Handel's Fireworks music, too loud, again, this is another annual annoyance. No-one knows Handel's fireworks, so it is irrelevant to most people, and it is too loud, not needed.

The Fireworks, though, are the best ever, because they always are. Especially this time.
And afterwards, we walk home through the cold, part of the crowd as we walk up to Hyde and cut through from there to get home as the crowd thins, home to hot tea and a chat about how wonderful that evening has been, it is late now, and we are tired.

Sadly, this part of life is also in the past, even if I could get to Winchester or be there safely, the Round Table now charge for the bonfire and fireworks display entrance, I don't know if they charge for the carnival.
Years of lovely memories though.
Old Winchester, as it was. It is so lovely to remember.








2 comments:

  1. You are valid. You really are. Please don't lose sight of that.

    This is an awesome description! It makes me feel like I'm seeing and hearing all these things.

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  2. Thank you Elle. I feel so condemned and invalidated, because I know it is hard or impossible for people who haven't come from an unstable background and tried to make their way in the world, to understand why I have struggled, and even as I put into words I can imagine that what I write only makes it look as if I was difficult.

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